At 49 I still approach life with a heavy optimism and ambition despite…
Posted by Humble_Diner32@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 39 comments
being shown how mean it can be, how favoritism can determine much more than skills and experience, how my wife stifles my lust for life approach, how much my GenX cohorts here in my town have become the opposite of what I expected. This post is just a little vent because I’m cancer free (after 12 biopsies) and want to run around celebrating but no one, my wife included, has the zestful energy I do. So I contain it and it festers into my discontent with my life choices.
acecoffeeco@reddit
Same here. Every day above the ground is a good one. I wake up each day glad to be alive. I have all my hair and wear the same size pants so feel like I’m winning even though I don’t make enough in a dying industry. My wife and kids are healthy as am I and that’s worth a lot. Not holding grudges or being spiteful is an easy way to retain zest for life.
I-used2B-a-Valkyrie@reddit
I love this so much!
I-used2B-a-Valkyrie@reddit
Congrats!
I just had a double mastectomy 11 days ago and ended up taking 10 hours, not 2. Two surgeons saved my life. I am just so happy to be here! I’m with you. Strike up a convo with strangers, go volunteer at a nonprofit. Eat the ice cream, do the things that make your heart happy! 🥰
Humble_Diner32@reddit (OP)
Congratulations and best celebrations for you! It’s not a contest but I will say that my minor league digestive issues mean nothing to me; I am celebrating your success.
I-used2B-a-Valkyrie@reddit
My friend, we are all HERE and celebrating our own hard-won highs and lows in our own ways. That’s life. And it’s awesome. I think you have a great positive attitude and I’m sorry for you that not everyone else around you shares it. Misery loves company but joy spreads like wildfire if you let it! Hang on to that and chase your own happy ❤️
kidde1@reddit
Do what I do. I begin and continue conversations with whoever is near. I’m as polite and humorous as humanly possible, and I don’t require their participation. In fairness I often enjoy seeing people struggle with how to react.
The world is filled with people who want pleasant up-beat interactions, but they don’t want to risk being involved with hateful people. Fortunately I’m old, bald and large (6’3” 250#). Plus I’m almost impossible to offend!
Humble_Diner32@reddit (OP)
I’m unoffendable myself. Tell me what you want, I ain’t gonna get butt hurt by it. I may be disheartened by my wife shooting me down but the society at large can not break my soul.
fieldhog@reddit
Very much yay for being cancer free. Very good stuff indeed! I’m a younger Gen X (1980) but I’m still hopelessly optimistic, ridiculously excited, and I KNOW that better days are around the corner. I’m still dreaming and I intend to keep on doing so. Cheers, my friend!
Humble_Diner32@reddit (OP)
Keep dreaming and keep living each day with a bit of optimistic energy. Don’t let the negativity that is easy to invalidate your happiness shine through the light of your optimism.
fieldhog@reddit
Please try and make sure you do too! Despite the deep, horrifying, numbing bollocks that is around us, there’s still a lot of beauty, a lot of good - it’s definitely there.
WileyCoyote7@reddit
Congratulations on beating cancer! Enjoy your new lease on life. May I ask, is divorce not an option? Every response to other comments you mention her in a “negative” light, so it doesn’t seem to be some small thing.
I divorced years ago when it became clear, as you said, the woman I married was no longer there and the woman that was there had no intention of trying to find her or even a middle ground. I cannot begin to tell you how much happier I (52m) am now and see my former self as almost a hostage to that marriage.
Don’t waste a day, especially one that you’ve beat cancer to wake up to, on being unhappy or miserable. Regret is insidious and corrosive; don’t let it get you.
Humble_Diner32@reddit (OP)
It’s not an option in my mind. We own a house together. Maybe 5 years down the road it is but right now, I can’t afford the shitstorm of divorce.
downwiththewoke@reddit
Hope you find a cool team to hang out with.
Humble_Diner32@reddit (OP)
Thank you. I’m stoked for it.
IndependentlyGreen@reddit
Release the energy! You're cancer-free! Woo!Hoo!
Humble_Diner32@reddit (OP)
Yes! This is the meme I needed.
aburena2@reddit
Tell us where you are. Would love to take you out and celebrate. Treat you to your drink of choice.
Humble_Diner32@reddit (OP)
Thanks. I may still have Barrett’s and Crohn’s but at least I’m cancer free. Just wish my wife would embrace the celebration with me.
Cozy_Minty@reddit
I don't know your wife or your situation, but has she been taking care of you while you were sick? Who was taking care of tasks around the house, the kids, etc, while you were sick? She might just be burnt out
Humble_Diner32@reddit (OP)
I take care of stuff. She didn’t take care of me during the past year of tests and appointments. She offered once and complained about having to miss work for it so I never asked her again. My first round of tests were overshadowed by her missing work. I retreated into my own care management. I am not married to the woman I married. I feel I’m a burden to her and the pets and her career as a teacher. Sorry, she’ll be home soon and I have to go back to my shell of contained happiness.
heynow941@reddit
What are your shared interests / hobbies?
Humble_Diner32@reddit (OP)
I don’t know anymore. We went different paths after we moved away from family. She cut out the things we connected on, become hyper focused on our pets, grumbles about even watching a movie together. I’ve been good at reserving my pain and discomfort with my medical stuff because each time something came up it was such a distraction for her. I don’t know, the woman I married has become the person who scorns me for everything from forgetting to take out trash to joining a bowling league to make friends.
heynow941@reddit
Aah okay got it. Sorry to hear that. I’m not in that situation so hard to give advice. Maybe tell her you want a date night just with her? Let her chime in on the time and location. If you’ve both been stressed maybe you two can go away somewhere? I’d bet you both need to chill and relax.
mrshatnertoyou@reddit
Hang out with people younger then yourself for outside interests most of my peers are in their 20s and 30s for that. When it comes to day to day then I hang out with my age group. When it comes to life experiences I still hang out with people older then myself.
Humble_Diner32@reddit (OP)
That’s rad! The woman I married isn’t the same woman I’m married to. And this day, this diagnosis, has helped me see that.
EnjoyingTheRide-0606@reddit
I’m so glad you’re cancer-free! I always had a good attitude until I was married to someone whose problems affected all relationships. After 17 years, I was tired to putting aside things I wanted to do because he didn’t. So I left. I now have a boyfriend who is genuinely happy and un-disordered! We have so much fun together! Absolutely hilarious moments happen between us because we are both such optimists. It is such a relief to be with someone who knows himself well, is emotionally sound, and wants to have fun.
Affectionate_Rest_0@reddit
I would love someone to spread some optimism in my life. Your wife is lucky to have you! Cheers to being cancer free!
fieldhog@reddit
Have some of mine, friend. We all have better days ahead of us!
kaosrules2@reddit
My friends and I all have a zest for life still. I'd recommend meeting some new people! Congrats on the cancer free news! I'd love to celebrate loudly with you!
Humble_Diner32@reddit (OP)
I joined a bowling league. It was a dud. Next Sunday I meet new people for a rec kickball league. I’m excited. But my wife won’t join me and I’m getting tired of her not being around or sharing hobbies with me.
kaosrules2@reddit
That would be so fun!
LeighofMar@reddit
That was a tough battle and you deserve to celebrate. I hope you treat yourself to your favorite restaurant, sporting event, or excursion like hiking, mountain biking, fishing, whatever and truly revel in the moment of being cancer free. I hope someone would celebrate with you but if not, do it anyway. You've earned it.
Humble_Diner32@reddit (OP)
I won’t. Because, as history has shown me, my wife will sulk and overlook my news. She didn’t get the teaching job put in for. So tonight, I have to be damage control for her instead of celebrating my heavy news.
MaximumJones@reddit
We are all celebrating with you my friend. That is truly awesome news!!!
Historical_Project86@reddit
Yay! And fuck the big C. Sounds like you need to do what's right for you, be a little selfish. :-)
And yes, life the way it is set up in modern times has nothing to do with fairness. Good people succeed, but not necessarily because they are good. "People don't rise according to merit, they rise according to their ability to believe that people rise according to merit". Their bosses are drawn to people who can play this game.
TechSergeantTiberius@reddit
mr_vestan_pance@reddit
Well done, feck ‘em all and go and get pants drunk.
https://youtu.be/jzjkgtgSTwg?si=kcU45CKYp2ePyfOZ
LaLionneEcossaise@reddit
Celebrating for you! Cancer-free is a HUGE win!
Life is short, my friend. Don’t let the world drag you down. And fuuuuuck cancer!!
ONROSREPUS@reddit
If I were close I would go party with you. What ever your heart desires. Fuck Cancer.