ULPT how to ruin neighbour's shoes
Posted by Angry-Spite346@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 130 comments
Hoarder neighbour started leaving his stuff on our shared staircase, and his shoes are now in our way (among other things). Neighbour won't cooperate and is being defensive about it, landlord can't do anything.
What can I drip into the shoes so it dries overnight and ruins the shoes? I don't care about being discovered, I'm the only one he will suspect anyway.
PrincessSnarkicorn@reddit
A light dusting of kool-aid powder?
Tbh I’d just move anything onto the neighbor’s doorstep.
domdymond@reddit
Buy 1000 mice, Get 50 storage totes, get 50 cans of cooking spray. Spray all the shoes, put them on the totes, put the mice in the totes, leave them for like 5 to 10 hours. Check on them. If there's enough damage then take the shoes out and put them back in the hallway all chewed up. Done. No one would suspect you chewed all their shoes.
RiddyReddit333@reddit
Where does one buy 1000 mice?
Icy-Variation6614@reddit
We have an evil genius over here! Devious lmao
ironicmirror@reddit
Fire marshal would gladly help you
xindierockx7114@reddit
Even if they don't fix it, they'll fine the landlord for breaking/not enforcing codes.
My favorite apartment nightmare story to tell is, I was moving into a new apartment that was so caked in nicotine, we were setting off the smoke detectors from the sheer volume of cleaning products we were using (and no, we weren't mixing). We called the fire department and begged them to help us because we didn't know how to make it stop after going for 2 hours straight. They showed up in an engine just as we were calling our landlord. We had landlord on speakerphone while the captain was walking around. Landlord said he was on vacation 2 hours away and we should just rip the smoke detectors off the walls for a few days until he could come take a look. The fire captain took my phone from me and absolutely laid into the landlord, who showed up 2 hours later with brand new smoke detectors.
I've never had a bad encounter with my city codes or fire departments. I think they love getting these calls because they're basically guaranteed to get big fine money from the landlord when they inevitably refuse to fix things
Freshouttapatience@reddit
No. Stop it. Not all jurisdictions fine. Not all jurisdictions come out to hold your adult hands either shoe altercations. Yeah you set shit off repeatedly, someone’s getting yelled at. We do have fines for that for wasting resources!
Firebrass@reddit
Fresh outta brain cells
Clear fire exits save lives.
They talked to the neighbor, the landlord, the local authority, in that order, like they're ethically supposed to. Having a means of civil appeal is violence prevention, it's just gotta system design. The fire Marshall exists to yell at people over blocked fire exits, among other things.
Freshouttapatience@reddit
That would depend on the jurisdiction. We don’t come out for disputes like this, the apartment managers need to manage.
yourilluminaryfriend@reddit
What if he’s actually a hoarder and his place is full of crap? Like can’t get around inside crap. Isn’t that a fire hazard? Besides OP said landlord won’t help
Freshouttapatience@reddit
People are allowed to be hoarders and it doesn’t actually fall under the IFC, paths of travel fall under the IBC.
NoWonder375@reddit
Even if it’s blocking safe exits?
Freshouttapatience@reddit
Use common sense - you can get butt around some shoes in a fire. No, we’re not coming out to make you all wear the get along sweater. This is a hang out services.
Ack_Pfft@reddit
Take one of the shoelaces
whats1more7@reddit
This is so true. I run a home daycare and I’ve had a few fire inspections for licensing over the years. These guys literally light up telling you how to keep everyone safe.
thomasanderson123412@reddit
Sounds like free shoes
RiddyReddit333@reddit
With a note that says, "Thanks! I needed a pair. "
SecretStabbie@reddit
This is a fire safety hazzard. They block exiting quickly in case if emergency and can cause a tripping hazzard. Let the landlord and neighbor know both these in writing and that if you trip on them and are injured you will hold both accountable (lawsuite).
Contact the fire chief for an inspection and fines will be handed out.
Freshouttapatience@reddit
It’s a laughable complaint and we wouldn’t come out for this. People try to use us all the time for their disputes. We don’t have time for this crap.
panic_bread@reddit
You don’t have time to remedy fire hazards?
Freshouttapatience@reddit
Give me a break. If you can’t get around some shoes, maybe you don’t need to be in the gene pool. No, don’t call us for your petty neighbor disputes and try to blame it on safety. Besides, if we’re following code to the letter, paths of travel are in the building code, not fire. There’s a lot of disinformation about fire. Just because you feel like it’s unsafe, didn’t mean it’s in fire code, or that the jurisdiction cares or even has a mechanism to enforce it.
Superbead@reddit
How do you know OP is in the same 2nd-word country as you?
Freshouttapatience@reddit
The entitlement and misinformation.
embarassingaltaccoun@reddit
That's some majorly ableist bullshit
If somebody with low vision is escaping a fire they aren't going to have time to feel each step before stepping on it. Heck this could be dangerous for someone that doesn't have the time to grab their glasses. Or someone that has fine vision but isn't looking at the stairs because it's dark or because they're trying to escape a fire
swirlybat@reddit
too ethical. now op has to fuck the fire chief's wife to offset this ethical suggestion. and stink bait between the insole and base of shoe. piss onnyour neighbors door knob. mark your territory
Hot-Initial-1108@reddit
Legal Stuff:
Fire Department first
Board of Health (or if there is-Property maintenance) If the stairs are becoming clogged the inside of the apt has to be pretty horrendous
Light incense stick in hallway using matches, allow to smoke for a bit, call fire department because you smell smoke - or-set off fire alarm
Freshouttapatience@reddit
Don’t do this, stop wasting resources!
Still_Bug_1000@reddit
Boy oh boy, you are “fresh out of patience” and empathy for someone having their apartment stairs a hazard caused by their neighbor. I bet if you lived there you would report it to an authority too. Maybe your boss since you previously hinted that you are a firefighter.
Freshouttapatience@reddit
No, I’d go make the apartment manager deal with it. The person who’s being paid to deal with a non emergency issue on ornate property. I call the appropriate officials when actual laws are being broken.
apavolka@reddit
If upstairs, kick em down the stairs… “oops didn’t see em.” If not, kick em far enough away to make it a hassle every time.
RiddyReddit333@reddit
Simple and no bending down. I like it.
spammmmmmmmy@reddit
Vietnamese fish sauce. Or if you can't find it... Thai fish sauce.
catnamed-dog@reddit
This seems like an actual good case for piss disc/ piss cubes.
Either that or just throw them away
Freak_Bike_007@reddit
Just throw one of them away
RiddyReddit333@reddit
hahaha - good one! (but only one!)
HRzNightmare@reddit
And if there are multiple shoes make sure you steal the same side for each pair of shoes.
smasheyev@reddit
Shoes left out? Throw the left shoe out.
Newtiresaretheworst@reddit
Just put them outside when it’s raining or cold, over and over
12b4me79@reddit
Soak them in water and freeze them.
Doom_squirrel90@reddit
Freeze them in piss discs?
catnamed-dog@reddit
Even better
yourilluminaryfriend@reddit
Or just piss in them
Tinmanwpk@reddit
Yes! Piss discs. Or just throw them away. Every time they appear.
Particular-Tax8106@reddit
Cat turds inside the shoes.
RiddyReddit333@reddit
Just throw them away.
Buffalo-Castle@reddit
Have you seen the movie Amelie?
Icy-Variation6614@reddit
Not OP, but I have not. Can you please clue me in?
No_Advertising_428@reddit
Try adding a little Ben Gay to his shoes
Cool-Yogurtcloset319@reddit
Honey. Sticky and gooey.
gadget850@reddit
Bears
poliscijunki@reddit
Beets
gadget850@reddit
Battlestar Galactica
Katz3njamm3r@reddit
No Jim I have a bad apiarist. 🙄
asomek@reddit
That or glue
WeedIsForFunDude@reddit
Tuna juice
SeanFrank@reddit
If I've ever seen an actual use case for Liquid Ass on this sub, this is it.
MikeyRidesABikey@reddit
Almost anything that is liquid and dries?
trikaren@reddit
The way you just put molten aluminum into the middle of the list 😂😂😂
MikeyRidesABikey@reddit
You're not saying anything about the chlorine trifloride?!?!
I'll take molten aluminum over chlorine trifloride any day! (Follow the link in my original comment to see why!)
Mysfunction@reddit
TIL 🤯
“It is hypergolic with every known fuel, and so rapidly hypergolic that no ignition delay has ever been measured. It is also hypergolic with such things as cloth, wood, and test engineers, not to mention asbestos, sand, and water-with which it reacts explosively.”
“…. If, however, this coat is melted or scrubbed off, and has no chance to reform, the operator is confronted with the problem of coping with a metal-fluorine fire. For dealing with this situation, I have always recommended a good pair of running shoes.”
WTAF 😳
MikeyRidesABikey@reddit
I love the fact that two of the items on the list are "test engineers" and "asbestos"
CaptainZippi@reddit
Doesn’t one get you the other?
(I love that linked article and have sent it to many people to readjust what their local value of Bad Day means)
MikeyRidesABikey@reddit
Are you saying that molten aluminum will get you CTF, or vice versa?
If it's the 2nd one, then by that reasoning it will get you molten pretty much anything in the vicinity!
BBorNot@reddit
Chef's kiss! 💋
Dregan3D@reddit
To be honest, I don't think the CF^3 is gonna dry before you burn down the staircase.
And I'm assuming the stairs are made of concrete.
Outspoken_Idiot@reddit
Dried garlic powder, the sweat from the feet will help the body absorb it, and the breath will smell of garlic after a few hours.
Pretend-Elderberry00@reddit
Piss
EggCzar@reddit
Finally, one where piss discs is the right answer
(OK fine, piss discs are always the right answer. But they're especially the right answer here.)
Any_Act_9433@reddit
Tuna can juice, then complain to your landlord about the odor and report to health department.
G-Knit@reddit
Haha yesssss! Open a can of tuna or sardines into them.
pwack88@reddit
🤣
JakTheGripper@reddit
Buy - or borrow - a small woodworkers screw clamp, and a small scissor jack, if you can find one small enough to fit inside a shoe.
After he goes to sleep, take one of his shoes and either put the scissor jack inside and stretch it or put the sole sideways inside the screw clamp (or bench vice) and crush it. If you jack the inside, crank it until they just start to pop. Doing this several times will distort the shoe until it’s uncomfortable and, ultimately, unwearable. If he’s a glutton for punishment, he’ll keep wearing them while they subtly mess up his gait & his feet. If he suspects some evildoing, maybe he’ll keep his shoes closer to keep an eye on them.
sctter3d@reddit
Hot wax. Like from a candle. Just pour it in there
judithsparky@reddit
Something different in each shoe. Miss, fox urine, tuna juice, shrimp juice, milk, skunk spray. You get th picture. And let us know how it goes.
ACynicalOptomist@reddit
Honey, it won't dry, it will never dry.
Dragoness42@reddit
It's water-souluble though. I prefer the eggs someone else mentioned . If they dry before rotting they will be very hard to get out.
BruceSharkbait@reddit
Deer urine is readily available in the hunting section at Walmart
Nunov_DAbov@reddit
Does he ever travel by plane? A little gun powder or fertilizer sprinkled in each will attract attention next time.
In my college dorm, a group of students in ROTC got bored spit shining their black uniform shoes so they used their black polish to spit shine a roommate’s brown shoes. But only the right ones.
Harlzter@reddit
Expanding foam.
Dragoness42@reddit
Cat piss can give you plausible deniability if the area has access to the outdoors. Cat puke too. Or just load it all up into a trash bag and tie it to their doorknob every time.
Angry-_-Crow@reddit
Maple syrup seems like a pretty sweet option :3
gooeyjello@reddit
I mean, a good fall due to tripping up while carrying an armload of groceries...
HRzNightmare@reddit
Steal the laces, or just cut them at the bottom.
Your local Walmart or hunting store will have fox or skunk urine available for pretty cheap. It stinks worse than cat piss. Spray it across the tops of the shoes so it's not as obvious that an animal didn't do it.
Heckate666@reddit
fill the toes with quickcrete
Freshouttapatience@reddit
Sprinkle a little glitter into each shoe. Their whole apartment will be beautiful in no time.
Snip the laces just enough that they can put them in initially but break during the day.
Sometimes you can loosen soles by slipping a knife in between the layers. Floppy toes suck worse because you trip on them.
Add baking soda heavily. Every where they walk, they’ll make a puff of flour. It’s just funny. I say baking soda because some people are celiac and we’re not trying to kill anyone.
Jalynx@reddit
Just keep tossing one shoe waaaay away-those darn raccoons!!!! Hen you won’t get in trouble with destroying property.
imrunninglate0hno@reddit
Buy a pair of identical shoes one size smaller.
Switch one out.
NurseKaila@reddit
47 comments and not one single person mentioned Liquid Ass? I’m so disappointed in this sub.
Freshouttapatience@reddit
The all say to call the Fire Marshall. It’s one L. And we want people to stop wasting our time with their petty neighbor disputes. Shit in the f ing shoe and stop calling us. Call your apartment manager, the dip who gets paid for dealing with this shit.
CrossFitMathIsHard@reddit
If none of the Ulpts work, call the Fire Marshall. They don't mess around.
Freshouttapatience@reddit
Don’t bother us with your neighbor crap. Call the apartment manager who’s paid to manage vs a tax paid resource for life safety.
UnderstandingNo3426@reddit
Get some carpet tacks. Hammer them into the soles so the sharp end sticks out about 1/4” into the inside of the shoe. Then wait for the screaming 🤪 Carpet tacks
slavsquatSF@reddit
A small amount of honey will be nearly impossible to reliably clean out, and will attract endless amounts of ants.
stabbingrabbit@reddit
Hot wax?
TechinBellevue@reddit
Option 1) throw them in the nearest dumpster and leave a little pirate's treasure map to where your neighbor can find them.
Option 2) go down to your local Goodwill and find the most obnoxious kids shoes and trade them out.
Option 3) nail them to the floor with a large nail - right through the toe.
Option 4) plaster of Paris
Option 5) use X-acto knife to make them into flip flops
Option 6) Bedazzle every surface you can then tell your neighbor he/she/they look fabulous!
Option 7) eggs
Option 8) ye olde piss disc
In every case, deny, deny, deny, and say you have no idea what happened.
One-Bodybuilder309@reddit
Cat pee
bc9toes@reddit
Stuff illegal drugs into a shoe and call the police
GirlStiletto@reddit
Dump some Roundup in there.
When he walks, the sweat from his feet will cause the pesticide to leak through his socks and permeate to his skin. Then he will get very ill.
JoinedReddit@reddit
Door open. Meat drops. Canines got your back. Or, find identical in a half size smaller. Replace. Done.
Money_Ad1068@reddit
Some of that liquid predator bait for hunting. Consider Coyote Frenzy or Predator Paste. Both smell horrific.
24kdgolden@reddit
Cat pee 🐱
PuppyJakeKhakiCollar@reddit
Call the Dept of Health or Code Enforcement. Hoarding is not only a fire hazard but it attracts pests like mice, rats, roaches, flies, etc. If the neighbor gets any of these pests, everyone else in the building will too eventually. Also if he has a giant hoard in the apartment, it can be heavy and actually cause structural damage to the building/cause floor to cave in.
Since this is ULPT, my unethical suggestion is to cut the tongues out of all the shoes.
Puceeffoc@reddit
Find out what mental health issue causes them to be a hoarder
When you get to the bottom of it then you can help them overcome their mental health issue and cure them.
It's unethical because that means you'll have to manipulate them and spend a bunch of time figuring them out.
Potential-Use-1565@reddit
Throw a dead mouse deep in there. Snake breeders will know where the mouse breeders are if you need a source.
kactapuss@reddit
Almost any pet store will have frozen mice
clockworkedpiece@reddit
Thats a paper trail though.
conkysrevengesd@reddit
Not if you buy with cash.
Potential-Use-1565@reddit
Oh cool we don't have those around here hahah
Bratchan@reddit
Take one sole out of the shoe and toss it.
Fox piss you can also spray it in the stay well too so it like animal with spraying
Expensive-Wedding-14@reddit
Start asking your neighbor if he has seen the homeless guys on the stairs. Then buy a thrift-store jacket or shirt, mark it well with urine (soaked), wad it up and nestle it in with his stuff.
bacardipirate13@reddit
Stage a few used needles and a broken meth pipe for added effect.
bacardipirate13@reddit
The obvious answer is fresh shit disks. Eat plenty of fiber and you can make 2-3 disks a day.
bacardipirate13@reddit
But don't use laxatives unless you want to make frozen shit disks.
PainAndLoathing@reddit
I have a dog that you can borrow....that little bastard (I love the little bastard, but still) loves chewing up shoes!
Skye_Dog@reddit
If you are in Australia pop a funnel web spider into one of the shoes. Plausible deniability.
If you are not in Australia then it could be a little suspicious.
Critical_Cat_8162@reddit
If he's actually boarding to the degree that things are outside his apartment, call the fire department. He can't be obstructing escape routes.
cmm1417@reddit
Head to your nearest sporting goods store that has a trapping section. Pick literally anything on the shelf of lures. Grab a bottle of fox or bobcat piss while you’re at it.
AffectionateMarch394@reddit
Nail them to the floor
HardCoreNorthShore@reddit
Honey or maple syrup. Or dish detergent. All are equally a pain in the ass to clean up once you realize you've tracked it all over on your socks.
jueidu@reddit
Take a serrated knife and “gnaw” through the laces in a few places, and the tongue and the sides.
Those dang mice!
Colonelmann@reddit
Shellac or roofing tar
Cute_Stock582@reddit
🔥ICY HOT🔥
amanda2399923@reddit
Call the fire dept/marshall. They will nip that immediately. It's a fire hazard and literally against the law.
Imasaltyone@reddit
Pancake syrup. Make those shoes look like ihop.
Purple_Fabuloso@reddit
Trip over them and act like you fell down the stairs. Make a lot of noise when you do it, make sure they’re home. Landlord will side with you for insurance reasons.
Yakker65@reddit
Itching powder
Holden-McGroyn@reddit
Dead rat, mouse, or feces of either.
Arctic_Africa7305@reddit
Super glue them together
b0sscrab@reddit
Do you live where scorpions are native?…
myusername1111111@reddit
Use a syringe and inject milk into the sole and rub milk into the inside of the shoes.