[-]

Rude-Savings7832@reddit

We let them stay in political office indefinitely and burn this country to the ground. That’s gotta count for something!

[-]

danhm@reddit

Nope, especially not anywhere close to many Asian cultures. But we're not disrespectful to elders either, don't be confused.

[-]

bikiniproblems@reddit

Individualism as a value in America is too prominent to give the same level of special treatment countries like Japan do for their elderly.

[-]

Proof-Emergency-5441@reddit

A lot of our elderly don't deserve respect. They haven't done anything of value. They just managed to not die.

[-]

helen790@reddit

You’re right. Respect is a two way street and the elderly in more communalist cultures have done a lot to earn it.

I saw an article years ago about a group of elderly Japanese people who volunteered to clean up nuclear waste to help improve the environment for the next generation. I was so impressed by their selflessness and dedication to helping others at the cost of their own health.

Meanwhile, I was born with a heart condition because I live in a county with more superfund sites than the entire state of Alaska and nobody seems to give a shit about properly cleaning them all up.

[-]

WhatABeautifulMess@reddit

A lot of them have done some pretty shitty stuff.

[-]

NOLA-VeeRAD@reddit

“Boomer” is one of the most common insults I see on Reddit these days. So there’s that.

[-]

GhostOfJamesStrang@reddit

The irony, of course, is that Boomers and even Gen X used "millenials" as an insult and a short hand to complain about "kids these days" for a long long time.

Like, even after most millenials had families and a mortgage and whatever, we were still be blamed for whatever nonsense in high schools set them off that day.

[-]

New_Entertainer_4895@reddit

No there isn't.

You're more likely to see people mocking old people for being wildly out of touch than respecting them.

Americans can't agree on anything these days. The only group that seems to get genuine respect from nearly all segments of society are firefighters and maybe the military (tbh doubt that's going to last).

Doctors, teachers, the police are groups that used to be really respected by all americans but not so much anymore.

[-]

GreenBeanTM@reddit

Military hasn’t been respected by older Gen Z for a long time.

[-]

therafort@reddit

u/vibecheck-bot test:

u/YakClear601 — 685 posts · 2,405 comments · 74,851 karma

all posting history is hidden from their public profile.

• A polymathic sports obsessive who splits loyalties between Dodgers (World Series defender, trust-the-process fan) and Rams (doomsayer who still can't get over "Creed Humphrey was right there!!"), constantly comparing American football to rugby and asking granular rule questions despite following the NFL since 2016.

• A self-aware underachiever stuck in recursive regret loops: 34-year-old Princeton Classics PhD who calls his degree "useless," teaches, mourns his father, and believes "our thirties and early thirties were stolen from us by Covid"—yet posts prolifically across AMA, AskReddit, and Millennial subs seeking other people's life stories rather than sharing his own.

• A horny nostalgic who mourns the "golden age" of BoutineLA's 2020-2021 Instagram archive loss with comments like "Faith Ordway in BoutineLA kept me sane during the Covid lockdowns," while simultaneously simping for Jimmy G ("He's so hot") and fixating on Kayla Dutton as "The G.O.A.T."

• A geopolitically engaged outsider tracking Myanmar's civil war with functional knowledge of China's pipeline interests, skeptical of Junta capabilities, using handles like u/MapsofShady for updates—paralleling his meticulous, research-heavy approach to American cultural questions ("what is the reason and history behind the unique names some black Americans have?").

Full posting history: https://vibecheck-bot.com/u/YakClear601

[-]

AskAnAmerican-ModTeam@reddit

Thank you for your submission, but it was removed as it violates posting guideline "Questions must be asked in good faith."

It means that your post includes trolling, joke questions, agenda pushing, soapboxing, or other signs of a bad faith.

If you have questions regarding your submission removal - please contact the moderator team via modmail.

[-]

Cinisajoy2@reddit

It depends on the elders. Most of my older relatives, they earned it. A few other older folks nope don't deserve it. If you demand it, then maybe check your own behavior because if you have to demand you haven't earned it.

[-]

AlbusLumen@reddit

Definitely growing up, I felt this very much. Now as an adult, you get treated with the same respect you give; age/gender/etc is not a protection.

[-]

shelwood46@reddit

Yeah, I am 61. I do not recall any particular veneration of older people simply because they were old. Certainly not from the Boomers (who famously said "don't trust anyone over 30," when they were under 30). Some older people insist they should be respected simply because of their age, but respect is earned. Some older people are wiser and should be respected, but not merely because of their age. People who were dumbasses at 20 are often still dumbasses at 80.

[-]

Spirited-Way2406@reddit

Respect has two definitions. The one that fosters mutually supportive communities is "I acknowledge that you are a person like me and that you have strengths, experiences, abilities, deficits, and needs that are not mine." The other definition is seen in groups in which continuation of the group requires that some members shall be used up in order to bolster others. That one is "Unquestioningly obey me, never protest when I hurt you or anybody else, protect me from the consequences of my foolish or illegal decisions, silently clean up all of the messes I make, never ask me for any help that inconveniences me in even the tiniest way, and vocally praise and adore me."

Refusing to obey people who demand respect (second definition) is a good thing to do, but unfortunately the pendulum has swung so far that people who are only asking for mutual respect (first definition) sometimes get "OK, boomer."

[-]

witchy12@reddit

Specifically for where I live, no. Respect is earned, not given.

[-]

artourtex@reddit

In the South, generally, yes. It’s still pretty customary to refer to people older than you as “Mr” and “Mrs/Miss” and saying “yes, sir” and “yes, ma’am”. Deference is usually given towards older people. I thought it was wild that in other parts of the US people don’t use those terms and some even find it disagreeable!

[-]

New-Process-52@reddit

Not really Americans respect outside instiutions over elders

[-]

Ol_Man_J@reddit

Can’t wait for this to be deleted. No we have always taken our elders out behind the woodshed first chance we get, In all parts of America and all families, it’s in the constitution

[-]

iLoveYoubutNo@reddit

I put grandma out on the ice floe this morning. Bon voyage, granny.

[-]

Ol_Man_J@reddit

Yea I grew up in Florida so it’s really regional. We obviously used gators

[-]

iLoveYoubutNo@reddit

That sounds more efficient

[-]

HonestLemon25@reddit

This is a much bigger thing in the south. I was raised to always say yes sir/ma’am to anyone older than me.

Any time I vacation out of Texas I’ll do it on accident and they will almost always comment on it

[-]

NomadLexicon@reddit

On an individual basis and within families, yes. On a societal level and with strangers, much less so.

For much of the last century, the elderly were WWII vets and survivors of the Great Depression who endured a lot of hardship, achieved great things, and delivered a functioning government and economy to younger generations. The elderly now don’t have any of that going for them—they are the most well off group in society, most institutions have deteriorated on their watch, they’ve become susceptible to conspiracy theories, culture war hysteria and xenophobia, and they’re clinging to power and hoarding wealth/resources while opposing reforms to help younger generations.

[-]

QuasiJudicialBoofer@reddit

Elders would say that they respected their elders. But I imagine it's largely about the same as now

[-]

OnlyInAmerica01@reddit

I grew up in the 80's and 90's. There was the usual teen rebellion, but marry any generational hate akin to the modern "anti-boomer" narrative

[-]

GhostOfJamesStrang@reddit

The problem is that boomers demand they be treated better/special, when they aren't.

[-]

pdqueer@reddit

I think there should always be a healthy scepticism as part of any cultural assumption. Respect your elders is a common social directive in American culture, but when one proves that they aren't worthy of that respect, then they shouldn't expect it.

This also applies to the assumption of elder wisdom. Current events prove that elders don't necessarily attain wisdom.

It also applies to the assumption that people are generally good.

As an older person, I don't expect anyone to respect me unless I prove I deserve it.

[-]

KingOfTheFraggles@reddit

Personally, respect is earned and simply not dying young has never struck me as a reason to respect anyone.

Sociologically, the technological advancement rate with which our society is now entirely dependent seems to make the of respecting your elders of a thing of the past. In many societies older people are revered because of the information they can pass down. Our society revolves around new technology so much that older people here are viewed as an obstacle because they do not keep up on the new technology and therefore have nothing viewed as useful to pass down.

[-]

Donald_J_Duck65@reddit

We were taught this growing up and taught our children this, but it seems rare.

[-]

New-Cicada7014@reddit

It might depend on the generation, but as for Gen Z, I'd say not really.

Our country is currently being driven to the ground by said elders. People who are completely out of touch and don't care about the future because they won't be around to see it. There's a huge cultural and ideological divide between the older and younger generations. A lot of people resent the older generations because they blame them for our current problems. Though I'd say it's also important to examine ourselves to make sure we don't repeat their mistakes. We can't just give up and act like we have no say in the future, even if that's clearly what the people in power want.

Aside from all that, I'd say you're right on the money with the egalitarianism. I think the common attitude here is that everybody deserves basic decency, but anything more is earned. Just because someone is older doesn't make them wiser, and just because someone is young doesn't make them inexperienced. I personally don't think anyone is inherently deserving of more respect than anyone else.

Then again, we still acknowledge that the elderly can be a vulnerable population, and it's always a good thing to be polite and respectful just in general. We let the elderly take our seats, we do favors for them, we help them out when we can. And of course you should show respect for your grandparents, but that's mostly just because they're family, not specifically because they're older.

I don't think it's actually a bad idea to value the elderly and look to them for guidance. It makes a lot of sense and can help build a strong sense of community. But in the modern world everything is changing so quickly, a lot of the time our elder's experiences aren't that relevant to ours. But I recommend that everybody learns about their grandparent's and elder's experiences anyway, and compares and contrasts that to their own. They are living history, and they provide a context to it that no textbook ever could. It's crazy to me that my grandma lived through the JFK assassination and Ruby Bridges going to her first day at school. To me, that's a faraway past I learned about in the classroom. To her, those are memories.

[-]

Responsible-Care-388@reddit

In general not as much as middle eastern or east/south asian cultures, and definitely not as much now as in years past.

Milennials/Gen Z are going to be in for a very rude and probably harsh awakening once they hit retirement age.

[-]

CaramelMacchiatoPlzz@reddit

You thin k we are respected now? lol. We've never been respected. It's not like it's going to get worse.

[-]

Responsible-Care-388@reddit

I'm sure boomers felt the same in the 60s and 70s

[-]

CaramelMacchiatoPlzz@reddit

Maybe, I guess they diidn't get their rude awakening.... like the following generations will not.

[-]

Responsible-Care-388@reddit

I'm talking more about how younger people tend to view the older generations. It always happens the same.

Boomers thought they were progressive and "fighting the man" in the 60s and 70s only to be hated now as they retire and die off. Many are annoyed and say stuff like "We did so much for this world and this is how we are treated?"

I see milennials and Gen Z going through the same thing. It doesn't matter what you do or strive for, younger generations always see the older ones are greedy and out of touch. It's a tradition in America at this point, and only gotten worse as we respect the elderly less and less.

[-]

CaramelMacchiatoPlzz@reddit

I am talking about all the fury and disrespect that Millennials and Gen Z go from the moment they were born. What "rude awakening" are they going to get in their 80s (their retirement age) in terms of respect since they have been disrespected since birth?

[-]

Responsible-Care-388@reddit

Were boomers respected in their youth?

[-]

CaramelMacchiatoPlzz@reddit

You tell me, you are the one who brought them into the conversation. It kinda highlights my point too.

I just know Millennials and Gen were not so that "rude awakening" you talk about doesn't seem likely to me.

[-]

Responsible-Care-388@reddit

"You tell me"

Ok, they weren't.

[-]

iboblaw@reddit

One time I called my aunt by her first name (when I was 35), and I got yelled at that referring to her by just her first name was disrespectful. I just sat there stunned, and I realized that I really didnt respect her, because she had never done anything in her life of note, or worth respect.

People worth respect probably don't need respect for being old.

[-]

urMOMSchesticles@reddit

It depends. I’m first generation American and my family is from South America so respecting elders was VERY BIG amongst me and my cousins. My younger cousins raised by their American parents….not so much.

I’ll definitely be raising my kids to have respect for their elders, but not in a “if they make you feel uncomfortable you have to deal with it” type of way.

[-]

Danibear285@reddit

They get the respect they earn.

[-]

Beginning_Local3111@reddit

Born in 1971: grew up having to call my elders “Mrs” and “Mr” including teachers and your friends’ parents. Around the 80’s the teachers and parents started saying, “call me John.” So in my teen years everyone had a first name.

As far as “the elderly” goes, like the old people? My perception of holding people accountable for their actions changed with the Nuremberg trials. The idea that your misdeeds are punishable at any age… combine that with my friends’ grandparents being openly racist … I don’t care how old they are, or if they’re “from a different generation.” It’s just poor behavior and they should know better. So they lost my respect, regardless of their so called “wisdom” they were not good people, period.

Now, I don’t feel that older people necessarily deserve respect just because they are old. Also: I am 55 myself, so I know that I am at the doorway to my own old age and then I question: do I deserve respect or special treatment just because I’m old? No but I would like to have the same rights as a physically disabled person as I age. So, please offer me your seat on the train, my balance is not as great as it used to be. I mean, I can stand on a commuter train, but I can see that being a problem in my late 60’s.

So: intellectually respecting your elders, believing that they possess superior authority over history or the behavior of society? No.

Treating them as more fragile the older they get? Yes.

[-]

EscherEnigma@reddit

The things about "respecting your elders" is that it's a lot easier to do when the life expectancy rate is much lower and you have fewer "elders" around.

Which is to say, compare the age demographics of 2026 to those of 1926 and 1826, and you'll see that we have way more "elders" per capita then basically any other period of history.

So two hundred years ago you just didn't have the familiarity with "elders" that you do today, and were more likely to say "this old guy is an idiot, but elders in general are wise" to today's "nah, old people are as stupid as everyone else".

[-]

Distinct_Chair3047@reddit

Personal Opinion:

There definitely used to be. Especially when I was growing up. But I feel its predominantly fallen out of favor as the you ger generations have started to realize that our elders are overwhelmingly out of touch with current events. Theyre constantly treated as ungrateful little shits that just "want, want, want" and constantly told that if they want more to work more but don't understand that the current costs are nowhere near their time.

Granted, I have noticed that some of the older boomer generations have started to realize the errors of their ways and are starting to realize they've been in the wrong, but I havent seen the Gen-X'ers start to realize this yet.

A lot of older people just demand to be treated as royalty just for existing, and the younger people are tired of it. That's what ive noticed, anyways.

I for one, give a base amount of respect as a common courtesy, how I'm treated after that will dictate how much respect I give. Children are the only ones I make an exception for.

[-]

xnatlywouldx@reddit

Yes. Particularly in the south, and especially among immigrant/diasporic cultures and cultures of people of color.

[-]

jewels94@reddit

I’ll echo that sentiment and add that “sir/ma’am” are second nature down here for your elders.

[-]

xnatlywouldx@reddit

"Sir/Ma'am" isn't even about elders for me, its about strangers. If the woman I am addressing is college aged or younger I might use "Miss" instead though.

[-]

somePig_buckeye@reddit

Correct. I work in retail and that is how I address people I don’t know. Corporate may want me to ask their name and what not, but in most interactions I don’t need it. Saying sir or ma’am is way more polite than hey you.

[-]

richrich07@reddit

Hey lady!

[-]

xnatlywouldx@reddit

I definitely don't ever refer to strangers that way. Not even if my intention is to be rude. "Hey lady! Get fucked!" doesn't sting NEARLY as much as a cool "ma'am, bless your heart".

[-]

richrich07@reddit

I’m not from the south and it sounds so formal to say sir/ma’am. I could never.

[-]

jewels94@reddit

You’re just raised that way lol you don’t notice it and then it feels weird not to say it.

[-]

xnatlywouldx@reddit

Its not formal here. Its just politeness. Its like the difference between using "usted" and "tu" in Spanish.

[-]

Lugbor@reddit

There is, but it's fortunately dying out. People are far more willing to call their elders out for their outdated beliefs, cut them off entirely for continued behavior, and even call the police on them for harassment. The idea that elders are to be revered and obeyed has long outlived its welcome.

[-]

SummonGreaterLemon@reddit

Exactly. Abusers and other nasty people don’t get a pass when they hit a certain age. We’re also phasing out “don’t speak ill of the dead” for the more socially responsible “while alive, don’t give people reasons to speak ill of you when you die.”

[-]

JoeMorgue@reddit

"Respect" is also a huge weasel word, meaning everything from "basic human decency" to "Treat me like I'm the Don of a criminal empire" and everything in between depending on who's using it and in what context.

[-]

Polite_Bark@reddit

I was very much taught to respect elders.

Once I became an adult I learned to respect elders unless/until they do something that causes loss of respect.

[-]

theneonwind@reddit

If an old person shows kindness and wisdom, they are generally respected for having lived to be old. They are seen as someone to treasure and look up to.

The caveat in America is that people who are entitled, rude, bigoted, or cruel in their old age are looked at with contempt.

America values the individual first. The rule of age falls second.

[-]

AtlantisSky@reddit

Just like with everyone else, you have to earn respect. Respect is not (or should not be) automatically granted because you are of a more mature age. If you are a horrible person at 75, why should I give you any respect?

[-]

IgntedF-xy@reddit

In America it feels like we respect our elders because we feel bad for them, rather than because they're wise

[-]

Extension_Sun_5663@reddit

Unfortunately, Americans probably don't treat their elders as reverantly as we should. However, this also depends on your family culture. Some families just stick their elders in assisted living facilities, while others move them into their homes to take care of them when they get older or sick. When my mom had cancer, I moved her in with me and cared for her by myself until she passed. Not everyone can afford to pay for a nursing home. They are VERY expensive in the US and sometimes the care in those places is atrocious.

All that being said, there are limits. I know in Asian cultures, a younger person is expected to cater to an older person no matter what. Give Up their place in lines, stuff like that. Americans usually don't do that. Nor should we, imo.

[-]

pickledplumber@reddit

I grew up in the '80s and '90s and there was a very strong culture of respecting your elders. I'm in NYC and growing up it would be unheard of for a young man or a man in general do not get up for an elderly person or disabled/pregnant.

As more equality was pushed this has become less and less even with older people or in there 30s and 40s.

The younger people are a completely different beast. While there are many parents raising very respectful young people. It's more common now to see young people showing no regard for others. Sometimes you even see a 10-year-old boy having more sense than his mother. He'll get up for an elderly woman and the mother will pull him back down into the subway seat. So really you got a question where this is all coming from.

I really hate to say it but the demographics are quite imbalanced in how individuals react to the elderly or disabled or pregnant or mothers with children. Some races of people are ubiquitously ruthless in their opinion of self. I've seen grown adults race elderly women for a seat on the subway. I've seen them jut in front of elderly ladies walking down the stairs with a cane. Absolutely no regard. And 65yo woman could be standing there with a cane and a medical boot and you would not get a reaction from those demographics. The craziest thing is if an old man from that demographic was sitting in front of that woman he would get up for her even though he might be more infirm.

[-]

SyntheticScrivner@reddit

There's barely a culture of respect for anyone in the US, tbh

[-]

kayakkkkk@reddit

Growing up in New England we were definitely taught to obey and respect our elders. But for reasons I don’t understand, that norm seems to have disappeared.

[-]

capsrock02@reddit

Fuck them boomers

[-]

Fae-SailorStupider@reddit

Yes. But a lot of the "respect" is just letting grandma be racist for the sake of peace.

[-]

Early-Reindeer7704@reddit

Grew up in NYC, it was drilled into me to be polite to all adults. If I was disrespectful and it got back to my grandparents, aunt, uncle it patents I’d pay for it 10 times over

[-]

CaramelMacchiatoPlzz@reddit

do Americans also believe that elders deserve more respect than others?

Older Americans certainly think so.

Everyone deserves a baseline level of respect but then the rest is earned.... or lost.

[-]

TempusSolo@reddit

There was but that's been shot to hell over the last decade or two.

[-]

JoeMorgue@reddit

We respect our elders to the degree they deserve it like everyone else.

The difference is in America people don't have children expecting them to take care of us. And the idea that a parent/family member has literally any say in the life of an adult child seems to be much less common.

If my mother called me and told me she was going to decide who I was gonna marry I wouldn't stop laughing until at least July.

[-]

GSilky@reddit

Yes, but it doesn't look like what people expect when they hear about it. You don't end up with the majority of the money when people don't respect you.

[-]

Burnt_and_Blistered@reddit

No. They are largely disposable.

[-]

psgrue@reddit

In the days before information was available to everyone on the planet instantly, everyone made shit up. No one had time to drive to the library m, check the card catalog, and find one Encyclopedia Britannica entry 8 years out of date to settle the argument.

With everyone making shit up all the time, the go to authority was “elder” with “years of experience “. If that failed, the next step was to get angry and duke it out.

Now an 8-years old can tell a 70-year old something is objectively wrong. The elder hates this one trick called “looking things up”.

[-]

AdGold205@reddit

America is more than one culture and their definition of respect.

In my version of America, respect means not putting mom (actually my MIl) in a home until she’s unable to care for herself. She’s already proven she can’t live with us, so that is not an option.

My mother wouldn’t live with me even if it meant being homeless. Respecting her would mean insuring she won’t be homeless, while respecting her independence.

Respect for me means valuing their independence and autonomy. Then valuing their comfort and security.

Also, not tossing pies in their faces. Smashing pie into people’s faces is not respectful.

[-]

Courwes@reddit

Old people certainly feel like they deserve more respect. Quite a few of them are assholes and don’t.

[-]

Otherwisefantastic@reddit

There are people who think older people deserve more respect than others simply because they are older, but it's not as prevalent as it used to be and I'm glad it's not. I don't think someone is better or wiser or more deserving of respect simply because they are older. I've known a lot of very dumb and mean old people in my life.

[-]

Diasies_inMyHair@reddit

"Respect your elders" generally meant being polite and observing common courtesy, and giving them a little grace even if they didn't necessarily deserve it in the moment.

There is an understanding that respect is earned, but the culture I was raised with said that "elders" have been around longer, so you assume that they have earned a certain amount of respect already so you give them that benefit of the doubt. Then you take it a step further and treat them with the same respect you would want given to someone important to you who might be having a bad day.

[-]

CelebrationFar1351@reddit

There used to be. But in the Information Age, we now know just how stupid and uninformed our elders are. So now, they have to work harder to earn our respect.

[-]

PlanMagnet38@reddit

If by respect you mean a recognition of shared humanity and worth, yes, Americans broadly respect their elders.

If by respect you mean deference, then no, that is not widespread although it appears in certain regions or communities.

[-]

Nottacod@reddit

There used to be.

[-]

VinceP312@reddit

I was raised to respect my elders.

Then in 1984 I had a boomer 4th grade teacher who said "Call me Ms. Joyce" her first name. My first introduction to an "elder" who actually wanted to be de-elevated in terms of proper respect.

A harbinger of things to come society-wide.

[-]

chrispybobispy@reddit

Council of elders.... you mean 90% of the legislative branch?

[-]

GhostOfJamesStrang@reddit

We respect our elders to the extent they deserve it.

Demanding respect when you haven't earned it isn't going to fly with most people and just being old has earned nothing.

[-]

WhereasTherefore@reddit

I guess my specific question is, do Americans also believe that elders deserve more respect than others?

No.

Or is it more like Americans value egalitarianism so much that they believe everyone is entitled to an equal amount of respect?

Yes.

[-]

shammy_dammy@reddit

Which part of America? Which group in America?

[-]

Civil-Chicken6024@reddit

This has definitely been a thing for a while, though certainly manifesting in different ways throughout the country and over time. It’s changed a lot with the push for individualism, youth self determination, and as kids tend to live in different places from their parents once they’ve graduated and gotten a job.

[-]