The thing nobody warns you about as an expat is the phone calls.
Posted by taube_d@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 35 comments
Living abroad, and my in-person language skills are decent. I can order, ask for directions, and have basic conversations. I'm not winning awards, but I get by.
Phone calls, though. Phone calls have completely broken me. No facial expressions, no gestures, and no being able to point at the menu. Just pure audio with someone who probably has a regional accent and is talking faster than they would face to face.
I've literally rescheduled doctor appointments because I didn't want to call back. Switched providers because the customer service line was too stressful. Made my partner call landlords for me like a child.
Anyone else? How do you actually get over this, or do you just live with it forever?
Kiwiatx@reddit
If it makes you feel any better, I avoid phone calls in my native language. 🤣
FreddyNoodles@reddit
I have been guilty of telling people I am deaf because I know if I cannot see their mouth we will struggle to understand each other.
Not proud of it. But texting exists and I manage to get by better that way. I don’t talk on the phone to almost anyone anyway. Not even family…but they know I am not deaf.
I have lived in 11 countries. None spoke my native language. I just cannot learn anymore, I have tried so hard. First few, I am still pretty good at and then they start to drop off after that. I have never had the talent for languages that some do. I am jealous of those that can speak several and not have their head just explode.
I do find if I visit a country that I used to live in that what I knew of their language comes right back in a day or two.
NoIGnoTwitsNOtktk@reddit
I have learned two foreign languages in the last 30 years and was so proud of myself after 2-years living there that I carried on an entire (short) conversation with a native speaker! My problem is no matter which language I’m working on, the first one takes the priority track in my brain, and it’s more rusty (learned farther back) so I’m trying to talk to someone in German and French comes out.
icedaq@reddit
Same here. If I have to call to make an appointment, I will just look for another doctor etc.
taube_d@reddit (OP)
This is unironically the most comforting thing anyone's said to me about this. I thought I was uniquely broken, turns out phone dread is just a human condition.
Pecncorn1@reddit
I went through the same thing until I was forced onto the phone for a job I had taken. I was terrified at first then I did the same thing I did in face to face conversations, I'm sorry I don't speak the language very well can you please speak slower and use more simple words?. You get a few assholes but they are few, my skills and confidence grew exponentially.
SampsonRustic@reddit
New AirPods can translate phone calls
sturgis252@reddit
I only go to places that have websites where I can book online
NoMansCat@reddit
I had a fairly decent understanding of spoken English, watching YouTube videos or series without subtitles.
After I moved to Malta though, when I had on the phone Maltese people speaking English, I couldn't at first understand shit.
So when I was calling some administration, I used to record the menu, hang up, then listen at a slower speed to the recording until I was able to understand each option. It took me six months to be comfortable on the phone. Now after 3 years I give and receive phone calls without a second thought.
Moerkskog@reddit
Lived in Copenhagen for 4 years. Had to call the police a couple of times (for loud noises). I was never, ever, able to understand what option to select and I was always reached by an unhappy operator that had to transfer me to Copenhagen police. Lol
Spellflower@reddit
You moved to another country and called the police because the native people in that country made noise?!?
Moerkskog@reddit
No, because a restaurant nearby made dj parties in a terrace at 80 dB until midnight. Even if it was natives making noise, there are specific regulations on noise an disturbance.
Any other uneducated guesses for you to make regarding this comment?
Spellflower@reddit
So, yes, you did move to another country and then called the police on people doing what they had probably been doing before you showed up. And for only 80dB? That’s not that loud. If it was a problem for the community and not just you then locals would have also made complaints. But is sounds like this is the behavior of wealthy people all over the world who want to move to a vibrant city and start telling their neighbors to be less vibrant. Ok Karen.
NxPat@reddit
Japan here, the sheer volume of phone calls that could have just as easily have been accomplished with an email is staggering. I simply don’t answer my phone calls, and sure enough, an email will pop up a day later.
uxorial@reddit
I almost never have phone calls. I’m about to move to another country and I’ve never thought about it. Interesting.
SpaceBetweenNL@reddit
I live in the Netherlands, and I'm not European (I'm from Russia). I have absolutely zero problems with phone calls. Half of the operators speak English, but I can easily understand Dutch-speaking ones, too. My Dutch level is around B1, but somehow, I understand absolutely everything.
i-love-freesias@reddit
Text/messages on Line or WhatsApp is how it’s done in SEA.
Miss_Dark_Splatoon@reddit
Why dont you just start by saying im sorry im a foreigner im still learning the language could you speak slow perhaps. It reduces the pressure immediately and the other person will be aware that you are at least trying.
retrosenescent@reddit
Even in person I start every conversation with "perdón, mi español es muy malo, pero hablo un poco...." and that usually does the trick. Just kill your ego. Easier said than done. But ego is the biggest enemy of progress.
GoldenHourTraveler@reddit
100% … i have expat friends who shudder at the idea of taking calls in French - they won’t do it and they’ve been in France for 10 years. I take the calls but it’s because I worked in a call center in France at one point so I have a thicker skin.
Sea_Witch7777@reddit
Especially in a language where it doesn't sound how it looks, and you're supposed to write down what they say.
winery_bound_expat@reddit
not there yet (still planning my move to italy) but this post genuinely terrifies me lol. i do italki sessions and the difference between video calls and audio-only with my tutor is insane. on video i can read lips, see hand gestures, pick up on facial cues when i've said something completely wrong. audio only and suddenly my B1 italian drops to like A2 on a good day.
my tutor told me to start calling restaurants in italy to make fake reservation inquiries as practice. haven't worked up the nerve yet. your post is not helping
Impossible-Snow5202@reddit
Everyone warns about phone calls.
Some people just don't listen, or think they will be different.
Practice your listening skills, and prepare for phone calls by practicing what you will need to say and what you are likely to hear. If you call the internet company, you know what questions they will ask, so just be ready for those questions.
Also, translation software is very, very good now. Put your phone on speaker and get translation as the other person talks.
taube_d@reddit (OP)
The translation software tip is something I've been avoiding because it feels like cheating, but you're right, it's probably time to just accept the help. And yeah, you're also right that I didn't really listen to the warnings; everyone said "the language is hard at first," and I filed it away as a general thing, not as "phone calls specifically will break you." Preparing scripts is solid advice, too. I've been winging calls and then panicking mid-sentence.
FinestTreesInDa7Seas@reddit
Hah, there is no cheating. There is only surviving.
igodownthereddithole@reddit
I was very scared to make phone calls and they are still annoying sometimes although I speak the language very well. It’s just the regional dialect or phrases, and people speaking really fast. At the beginning it was the same with face to face conversations. You just have to live with it and ask them to repeat what they’ve said until you get it. Sometimes it’s multiple times but some people tend to not slow down when they repeat something. Well, then I’ll ask again. I just don’t care anymore. And you’ll improve your language skills and figure out some regional phrases.
Strict-Armadillo-199@reddit
I've spoken fluent German for years, and still get my partner to make my hair appointments, like a child. It doesn't help that the owner of the salon is kind of mean, mind you.
karen_the_ripper@reddit
Phone calls in a second language are the final boss, and nobody prepares you for it. Losing all the visual cues you didn't even realize you were leaning on is what kills it.
STRAIGHTUPGANGS@reddit
Phone calls are scary and especially the first few months I was here they were so anxiety inducing. Now they still suck but I can at least try. I tell people to send me a message. I try to schedule through whats app when its possible.
Sufficient-Job7098@reddit
What would you do differently if we were to warn you about this specific issue, instead of generic warnings about language barriers. ( it should had been obvious that phone calls will be harder)
Good news it will not be forever. Eventually it should become easier. I am a person who doesn’t like making phone calls in any language, but with enough time my fluency in local language has become similar ( or better) than my fluency in my native language. So phone calls in local languages aren’t different than phone calls in native languages. I still hate making calls.
taube_d@reddit (OP)
To your question, I think what would've actually helped is someone saying "your first 50 phone calls will be humbling, schedule them anyway and don't cancel." most of the warnings were abstract "language is hard" when the real thing is the specific pattern of avoiding calls, which then makes you worse at calls, which makes you avoid more. The doom loop is the part nobody describes. And honestly, the part about still hating phone calls even when fluent is weirdly comforting. I thought I was broken, turns out it's just phone calls.
Sufficient-Job7098@reddit
Since I dislike make phone calls I knew that I will dislike making phone calls in foreign language even more. I had someone make phone calls for me till I became fluent.
Similarly I had someone to help me with paperwork ( I hate dealing with paperwork no matter what country i am in)
I knew immigration will be hard. In my case I knew that immigration will be easier for me specifically because I had someone to help me with many things. Otherwise I don’t think I would bother with immigration: too hard, takes too long to get used a new country to but not enough benefits.
taube_d@reddit (OP)
This is the move, honestly, knowing yourself well enough to predict which parts will break you and preloading the help. I think my mistake was assuming I'd just "figure it out" without a support system because I always had in the past, but immigration is a different beast. Having someone for the stuff you hate in your native language isn't a weakness, it's just realistic planning
ephesusa@reddit
I usually ask to my friend to call for me if they can’t speak English, but after 2 years I can more or less understand myself as well
taube_d@reddit (OP)
Yeah, I'm at that stage too, my partner handles the hard stuff, and I handle the "ordering pizza" tier calls. 2 years to get to self-sufficient gives me some hope though, I'm at 8 months and was starting to think I'd be outsourcing phone calls forever.