Just done? | TheaterFire

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AgPatriotAg@reddit

Whole food plant based diet. For me it stopped chronic illness and gave me a ton of energy. It's a discipline. Exercise too. A lot of our health is what we shove in our mouths. Eat gross, feel gross. No sugar. No white flour. No white rice. Only whole unprocessed foods is what worked for me. Look all this up and don't just take advice from an internet post.

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Revolutionary_Bee700@reddit

I’m here for a good time not a long time. 🤣

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jk_pens@reddit

Right? I’m not sure I want to live an extra diet if I hate what I’m eating.

A while back I inventoried the things I would eat if I had to go vegan. Most of them aren’t even healthy!

PB&J
chips and salsa
French fries w/ketchup
pita chips and hummus
vegetarian ma po tofu
white rice and pinto beans with a crap ton of hot sauce

After that I started running out of ideas.

I feel you. I had a career that I loved. It gave me chances to travel and do all kinds of things. Then I started having health issues. I had to quit working and I got lost inside of my own head. I didn't have anything to do. Never saved enough to retire.

I started gardening. It's a great hobby that doesn't require much $. I get to enjoy the literal fruits of my labor. And if I feel like just staying in bed my garden doesn't care. It needs me so I have to get up. As soon as I see my garden I brighten up.

That's what I've done, but it still sucks not having work. I just had to find something I liked doing. Now I love it. Only downside is I don't make any $ except saving on the fruit I'd otherwise buy.

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ItBeMe_For_Real@reddit

If you haven’t seen it, you’d probably enjoy the movie This Beautiful Fantastic.

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man_speaking_is_hard@reddit

Your post strikes a chord. 52M, been an educator for over 20 years. My dad died when I was 50 and my sister passed away last year. This has forced an evaluation of my life. I am (maybe like you) thinking about the past and what I should have done. I don’t have answers but just I get what you are saying. Sometimes it has to be a day by day, looking at what is nice in my life.

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Connect_Bird_327@reddit

Same. My dad died in the summer of 2024. Three days later, my sister was diagnosed with a terminal illness. I watched her die over the next six months. I never thought we'd have to say goodbye in our 50s. I turned 50 one month before she passed. Needless to say, there was no celebration.

I have been grieving for the last year, plus... Day by day sounds so cliche, but it's honestly the only way I've made it through. And, if I am being totally honest, some days were/are hour by hour...

I had to pull from that inner strength we were all given. I really hadn't had to rely on it much before all of this. I found that sometimes I needed a break from life. I have a "pretend bubble" that I have to step into from time to time. Reality doesn't exist, the world is at peace, and it's full of rainbows and unicorns. 😀

Seriously, what's really helped was deciding to rejoin society and to stop over analyzing the past. It's gone, and no matter how desperate we are to change things... it's a moot point. I gave myself some grace and allowed myself to grieve and embrace my new normal. That is so much easier said than done, but it's not impossible.

My advice: Find your passion, ask yourself the difficult questions, and make a plan... plan to be happy, plan to be social, plan to be active, plan on growing old gracefully, and plan on taking charge of your story.

As Garth Brooks says in his song, River, "I'll never reach my destination, if I never try. So I will sail my vessel til the river runs dry." It's a great song that kindly says you've got this! Good luck to you both 😀

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Creme_Small@reddit (OP)

Wishing you the best, my friend. Hugs.

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HighBiased@reddit

Switch it up! 54yr old musician here. Spent 30yrs making music (still do). But because music doesn't make money anymore I made a big pivot a few years ago, finished my BA, am now getting my Master's and will be going into Teaching College. Not huge money, but something I can do well into my 70s. Plus changing gearing and doing something new definitely keeps me young and mentally agile and not get bored.

Change things up, do something new, try what scares you. Life isn't meant to be lived in one direction but to experience as much of it as you can.

Try new things!

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WritingRidingRunner@reddit

I feel the same way. I've published 17 novels, am working on a novella, but given I'm not able to make a full-time living as a fiction writer, just cobbling together freelance and tutoring jobs, it's hard not to feel like a failure. And retirement is a pipe dream. I honestly regret following my dreams in some ways, but writing is the only thing I'm halfway decent at.

What keeps me going? Routine and the need to keep the lights on in my house. I used to take pleasure in my hobbies (running, literary societies I was a member of) but with some health stuff and a tight budget, that's been limited as well.

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Creme_Small@reddit (OP)

I totally get that—I have other skills but nothing that says “I’d be a rock star in your corporate hive!” And after being on my own for 30 years, it’s hard to imagine having a “boss.” (FWIW, I actually got an MA and tried being an English professor for a couple of years; writing is my other passion. I loved the teaching but the admin side killed any long term joy.)

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WritingRidingRunner@reddit

Same with having a single boss! I do work for clients as a freelancer, but it is not the same level of control as a corporate job.

I looked into teaching—I also have a master’s degree—but getting certified is costly, even to be a substitute teacher in my state.

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Creme_Small@reddit (OP)

I was an adjunct off and on before I tried going full time on the teaching front. I made the mistake of doing the dollars-per-hour math once. It wasn’t pretty.

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noyurawk@reddit

I could have guessed you were into writing, riding and running

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WritingRidingRunner@reddit

Ha, I guess my username isn’t subtle!

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vixenlion@reddit

I think it’s an age thing.

Dude. It's literally in my profile name.

I could write a similar story. I came up and worked in the arts. Moved into teaching. Teacher pay sucks. Barely eke out a living after 25 years working in education. So much more I could add, but whatever.

I like working with students, but working with students can be emotionally draining too when they share all the stuff they are going through too.

What keeps me getting up in the morning? Mostly habit. Love my wife. My creativity went dormant for about a decade, but it's slowly started coming back after the pandemic. I've been making some small art pieces for myself. I've even shown in a few galleries and art shows in the last couple of years.

Creme_Small@reddit (OP)

Creme_Small@reddit (OP)

I’m so sorry for your loss. Thanks for the encouragement. I hope you find some kind of comfort and healing.

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TallStarsMuse@reddit

I’m so sorry that you lost your wife. You’re doing an amazing job holding it together for her memory and your kids.

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Cosmochronicles@reddit

My partner is and I feel like I could never leave him bc he would have nothing. Even though life hasn’t been easy with him.

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limi2018@reddit

52F. Widowed at 28. Remarried at 37. Divorced 2 years now. One high school aged kid. I’ve got 80% custody. My elderly parents live nearby.

Been living in this house almost 30 years. Lots of memories. It’s a huge house for me and a kid who’ll be out of here in the next 7 years or so.

I want to move. I want a change of scenery. I feel stuck. I am stuck. Between the custody agreement and my parents, I’m here at least 5 more years.

My job is decent. Good pay. Been there for almost 30 years so decent vacation. At 55 I can retire with benefits but I’m not sure my sanity would survive being in the house without the work distraction.

I find myself just existing sometimes. Take care of the kid, the parents and the dog.

I want a new home. With a new view. Make new memories in a new place. Just whining into the Reddit void…

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Majik9@reddit

Literally billions plus people on earth would take your life without hesitation or a 2nd thought.

Honestly, it sounds amazing A/F

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limi2018@reddit

I get it. I’ve got a stable job. A home. A child and a dog. My parents are both still alive although both very frail. I am very lucky.

I don’t know your story.

The snippet of my life that you read is just a snippet. Yes. It is probably better the a lot of lives people are living out there.

But I didn’t write 40 pages of the trauma of having my first husband die. We didn’t delve into my childhood. We didn’t talk about the support I give to my local community via donation or physically helping at events.

I was under the impression this was a bunch of gen-x supporting each other with stories about how their lives have been going. The hurt, the lost chances, the regrets…. Not a comparison across the world with the billions of people.

If that had been the case, I would’ve not said a damned thing in response to the OP. I would just continued helping my community, helping my kid grow, assisting my parents and gone on my way.

But thanks for your input.

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Majik9@reddit

I was under the impression this was a bunch of gen-x supporting each other with stories about how their lives have been going. The hurt, the lost chances, the regrets…. Not a comparison

"I'm not afraid of dyin, I'm just having too much fun livin"

My husband is my best friend but I married him so I could stay where he was. Our marriage is best friends that live together. I'm too much of a coward to leave him. And he is too in love with me to leave me.

Most days I don't want to wake up let alone get out of bed but the part-time job I have now I absolutely love so that fuels me to get up on work days.

Chronic illness keeps me inside away from social things.

The ability to love and serve others. Don’t need a lot of health to write cards os encouragement to people suffering or sick, to read to kids in school, to help pack food boxes at a pantry. Maybe talk to a local high school and see if any kids interested in an afterschool program learning about music mixing, or anything else you have expertise in.

And number one, find a group of 3-4 people that you can meet weekly with, lunch, coffee, or just hang out to have fun with, talk and over time develop enough trust with each other to really share your heart with. A core group of people who will really walk through life with you

It may not be easy to find this group or the volunteer opportunities but put the same effort into finding and building this as you did your career.

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sixwax@reddit

Fighting this fight as we speak.

I can say unequivocally that abstaining from social media and the scrolling/notification dopamine cycle helps with keeping the emotional batteries more charged.

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azlmichael@reddit

Switch jobs. Work with kids.

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JaneAustenite1995@reddit

Start a YouTube channel!

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OP it sounds like you are feeling stuck. My suggestion is to find something to look forward to. It can be anything. Schedule a weekend trip or a fun night out. Or try something new. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as you have some interest in it. Also, try to focus on what you can do and avoid making comparisons because they just lead to feeling worse. Treat every experience as a learning opportunity. You have lots of knowledge and experience. Life can be tough but I hope you find that spark to keep going!

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TheGriff71@reddit

Yep. Right there with you, but I haven't had enough yet. The only enough is the long sleep. I've got 5 years on you too. Relax for a few days and gather yourself. Do stuff you enjoy. Pull yourself together and get back at it just as hard or harder. 50 was hard for me. I wanted to give it all up. Still do some days. The only surrender is the end. Never give in to that.

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One-Pepper-2654@reddit

Ozzy Osbourne said it best, and I paraphrase: "Your only job is to just get through the fucking day, try not to worry about tomorrow." Oversimplification, I know but it makes sense. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us.

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tanhauser_gates_@reddit

Could be worse. I just roll with it. Nothing takes me down for too long and I always try to stay above the water line. Lately its been easy treading the water.

Will it get worse, probably. Will it get better, maybe.

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GigabitISDN@reddit

I'm sorry you're all going through that. I think a lot of us get around the same age and realize our lives didn't go where we expected. You've also got a lot of company in caring for aging parents. Ours are up there and we don't like to talk about it, but That Day feels noticeably closer than ever before.

It might help to go out and commemorate the things that ended. Formally memorialize the end of that chapter in your life and the start of this one. Grab a notebook and write down the best show that you ever had, but wildly exaggerate it so that everything was perfect. Then shred it. Or burn it. Have a moment of silence. Have a beer. Be sad. Yell. Fire up Suno, have it write something, then tell it what an absolute piece of shit it is and explain all the ways you could do better. Whatever. Give yourself 24 hours of "you time". I don't know what that looks like for you but for me it would be driving a few states over and hiking a new trail in a new town, then finishing up in a new brewpub before hitting the hotel and coming home the next day. YMMV. Just remember we're 50 so car camping kind of sucks now.

It's going to be different now but also YOU are also different now. You're not who you were 30 years ago. That's a good thing. You have the experience and the wisdom to not get fucked around this time. Maybe it's another music career, or maybe it's teaching aspiring musicians. Run a Fiverr giving industry advice through consults. Or go work at your local airport for a week. Or get into civil service (I wouldn't do federal right now, but many state / county / local jobs still have pensions and retiree healthcare but you need to HURRY).

51M, My wife became chronically ill 8 yrs ago. We are still grieving the life that was taken away by her declining health. I work full-time and am her sole caregiver. No support circle while watching the mismanagement of Healthcare repeatedly dismiss her concerns.

I was done a while ago, but life isn't just about me. Today creates the memories I will have of her when she is gone. Today is the pain that she will endure that my family ignores.

as so many have already commented, find a purpose. for a few years i was unable to work due to health and had to downsize. i struggled financially, trying to make disability payments last through the month. i was divorced, no kids, and rarely socialized.

not having a reason to get up, sometimes i wouldn't go outside for days. three things got me out of my funk. first, i started making a daily to-do list. just checking off items (even mundane, like take a shower) kept me from vegging out on the sofa.

then i joined a gym for the sole purpose of having some physical activity. being around people was an unexpected bonus. i didn't make any meaningful friendships, but getting a 'gym nod' from another regular helped me feel less invisible.

finally, i began volunteering at a horse rescue and at an animal shelter. i form tighter bonds with animals than i do family, i ended up with a full-time schedule and even though i wasn't bringing home a check, i felt productive, and that i was making an impact.

the other benefit to volunteering is that should you decide, or your health allows you, to look for employment. showing the motivation to volunteer is better on a resume, than an extended employment gap.

aloha mālama pono.

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Public-Air-8995@reddit

Love this! Small steps

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SunshineandBullshit@reddit

I started over after my husband died 8 years ago. Started out broke and homeless, bought a RV right before the pandemic (2 weeks before the world shut down!) And hit the road for 2 years. Now I own a company with 85 steady clients doing consulting for dementia caregivers. It's a passion job. Not getting rich but it pays the bills. I get up for them, my clients. They need me.

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WhitneyFebreeze@reddit

Wow, what an amazing turnaround!! Inspiring!

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Creme_Small@reddit (OP)

The RV thing has long been a dream of mine, actually. And good for you for rebuilding all of that. I’m truly sorry about your husband. I lost a girlfriend when I was younger. Can’t imagine having to go through that after years (decades?) of being together.

Oddly enough, I think part of my exhaustion is that my wife and I cared for my grandmother for almost 5 years before she finally passed away last August. I’m glad we could do it, but it was still a hard road. We probably could have used your services. We’re both still tired.

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SAVPeach10692@reddit

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Creme_Small@reddit (OP)

It’s fine. It’s a good reminder that it hasn’t always been doom and gloom and there are still some bright spots to consider.

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OGWeedKiller@reddit

maybe it's time to get back to the stage where it all started, find passion in making every evening amazing, adopt a pet and feel unconditional love and companionship

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IAmTrulyConfused42@reddit

Hang in there.

Happiness is U-shaped across your life. You start out pretty content, slowly get less happy through your 20s and 30s, and bottom out sometime in your 40s. Then it reverses, and by your 60s you’re likely happier than you’ve ever been.

So if you’re around 50 and feeling like garbage, turns out you’re basically at the inflection point where things start getting better, not worse.

The wild part is they’ve found the same midlife dip in chimps and orangutans, which suggests some biological mechanism is doing the heavy lifting here, not just life circumstances.

https://www.theguardian.com/science/head-quarters/2015/jun/24/life-happiness-curve-u-shaped-ageing

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WhitneyFebreeze@reddit

Yeah i recently heard this too - on Amy Poehler’s podcast “Good Hang”. She’s in her 50s and had on a guest in their 60s. They were both saying how much better life gets in those decades compared to the earlier ones.

Creme_Small@reddit (OP)

I’m happy you’re moving ahead and figuring shit out. I think being an athlete and being a musician are probably similar. Both things require constant practice, refinement, and attention. And you’re in the public eye which is a whole other pressure. I sometimes think a complete 180 in terms of industry would be a good idea. But then again I can’t imagine doing much else at this point. It’s in my DNA.

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78Anonymous@reddit

This is true. I've been glad for the comparative anonymity and privacy. After leaving competitive sport I got into an entirely different industry, but Brexit happened and it stopped making sense. I contacted the professional body of the sport, reviewed my options to enter the trainee program, completed the recent BSc 'upgrade', that led to getting research published, that prompted specialised CPD development for the organisation, and helped me to know which postgrad program to choose. So I am now just in the process of getting further work published, the first professional learning module is being edited to go live soon, and the organisation I started to plug the gap in the industry will get its white paper made public in the next few months for onboarding to commence.

If you would have asked me 10 years ago what I would be doing today and the topics I enjoy thinking about, I wouldn't have thought it would be participation motivation, behaviour, psychology, and sociology while addressing discrimination occurring with underrepresented minority groups.

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downwiththewoke@reddit

Retrain

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Historical_Project86@reddit

I sort of share your general "hadenoughness", though from a different perspective - worked a desk job all my life, but was never really interested in it. I'm healthy so far though, but also have the stress of being the only earner and ripe for redundancy, with a very poor job market and unrealistic salary expectations in today's economic climate.

Funnily enough, I always wanted the sort of life you have. The grass is never greener I guess. I really want 0 responsibility now, and the ability to get by doing something locally which is useful and interesting. I don't want any frills and I'm in the minority in our house, but that could be forced on us soon enough. I'd probably enjoy van-life in a masochistic way, my wife would probably choose Dignitas before stepping in a van though. :laughemoji:

Comedywriter1@reddit

Sounds like you’ve had a really cool career though. Can I ask you, who are your favourite artists you’ve worked with? Thank you.

What keeps me going? My day job supports my various interests. I like to see old films on the big screen. I go to several film festivals throughout the year. I walk a lot/do treadmill. I write, read, listen to podcasts. I spend time with my wife. I love all these things.

Hang in there!

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Just-History-8373@reddit

Sometimes, no matter how much you enjoy something, burnout can definitely happen. I know first hand. As a small business owner of a service business, I was already getting pulled to my limits- when 2020/pandemic happened, it just broke me. I went totally hermit… head in the sand, just trying to hang on/survive. Everything seemed to start crashing around me- marriage problems, money problems, two babies to take care of (I had them pretty late in life), stress and anxiety clipped at me seemingly at every turn. You go numb after a while- like, whatever. Bring it on. How much worse could it get. I finally feel like that cloud is lifting away. Getting back to me. Remembering I’m at the helm. I am not done. I went through the fire. I’m on the other side. Maybe this is my Renaissance, who knows? I hope you find your fire again. Won’t stop chasing mine. lol

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Claque-2@reddit

Only jerks go into the arts to make money. Sure, we all dream about making big money but the people who sign the checks are usually aholes.

Now maybe you can get some college credits and join your partner teaching kids music theory. Maybe you can do some social work. You'll get some insurance and a bit of spending money out of that but you'll be satisfied as the next generation comes to life.

More importantly, you'll help other artists, too. Because we need art. We need visionaries. We need beauty. That's what you helped bring, everything but cash.

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tonyallstark@reddit

You are a materialist. Maybe change your outlook and find something beyond YOU to belive in.

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Creme_Small@reddit (OP)

I’ve been down that road. It was ultimately unfulfilling and felt intellectually dishonest on top of that.

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Well, it’s your only life you get to know while you’re here and it’s nothing you have to pay anyone back for. Our ancestors struggled through disease, parasites, war, famine, no indoor plumbing, etc, etc. We’re all living like royalty from all the sacrifices made before us. The whole world might be at war soon, but that deep breath you take in belongs to you. We’re just a blip and then we’re gone. Hope that’s not depressing for you. Death is waiting for all of us and I’m happy to let Death wait. Whatever comes after is going to be there waiting no matter what. Happy to let it wait. Everything is ultimately meaningless and so I just try to be honest and polite as best I can. Hope that’s not depressing and that it helps. My existential death was about 16 years ago and this is some of the wisdom that’s helped me continue onward. The pressure to be something exceptional can keep us miserable and also both mean and petty toward others.

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Creme_Small@reddit (OP)

“The pressure to be something exceptional…”

Only problem with this is the nasty T word..... TOLERANCE.

If you smoke all day, every day, then it's all bad. I've been there, done that. The only high that actually works is your first smoke of the day. After that, you'll be lucky to feel a mild buzz for about 25 minutes, but then it will fade away.

I got sick of all this shit, so now what I do is I deliberately hold back on smoking. I smoke 4 days out of 7. On the days I smoke, I allow myself to smoke 3 times.

The good news with my new method is that I will actually get really high, when I do smoke, and it will last well over 1 hour. Sometimes it will last almost two hours.

I will be with my buddies that unfortunately have zero willpower and can't help but smoke all day erry day and we will smoke together, but 25 minutes later, they're rolling another joint while I'm still flying high. I explain to them about how their weed tolerance works, and that you have to take some days off, but they have no gumption

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regeya@reddit

Eh, part of it is for pain but the pain will hopefully be temporary. Well I guess it always is, isn't it? But yes, I've hit a point where it's not all that fun anymore. I'm taking a break soon.

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Willing_Freedom_1067@reddit

I have a 10 year old Alpha girl that needs me. She’s all I have, and vice versa. Can’t give up, even though some days I desperately want to.

Sounds like me. 57, kid is 16, was with my company 21 years. But, two years ago the bullshit got to be too much, so I quit and took a job with another company, same industry. Basically took a step down, but pay was pretty much the same. The plan was that I would work there for 4 years then retire. Couldn't make the 4 years, so I retired 3 weeks ago. Only lasted two years there.

I volunteer at a local church when they have food and rummage sales. I’m not religious, but they’re good people there and help where they can in the community.

In the past, I sang in the local community choir. They’re always desperate for men. I also used to help out as a kind of non-profit handyman before I hurt my back. I’d love to get back to that, but I’m not sure it’s doable anymore. Sometimes, I go for walks in my neighborhood and pick up trash.

In general, I try not to look inward. What can I do to help others with the meager skills I have?

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20twenty20@reddit

I think this is great advice. For OP just start asking where can I help others? My wife? Volunteer at the local shelter? Make that a purpose. Give back.

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Clear-Frame9108@reddit

Yeah, I am lucky that a boyfriend and I from high school got back together a little over two years ago. We are 55. He works on roads, but it is hard, seasonal work and basically never knows if he has the day off until 5-6:00 AM that day, and that goes for 7 days a week. I have three part time jobs, because I had to leave my main gig of teaching elementary special ed., but I work in a library(quite challenging nowadays), a community college and I sell secondhand stuff online. I had another job for 17 years, but was downsized during Covid.
My boyfriend loses his health/dental insurance 6-7 months a year and basically can't ever go to any medical appts since he never has any advance notice if he's working. We both have high blood pressure and high cholesterol, heart stuff and depression. His dad died in his 50s, my dad died in his 40s and my one sibling died when he was 30. My boyfriend is going to get some amount of money per month once he retires since he is vested and has put 5 years in the union. I have to work 10 years, I have only done 3.5 so far, to get a pension of a few hundred a month and my projected social security is like $965 a month, ugh. We live near Seattle and work there, so this is very small amount of money to get by on. I'm not sure how much longer either of us can do the physical labor we are doing, especially me, because I have a very bad back and knee. Both of us have/had lots of things going on, so neither of us ever made enough/were able to save anything for retirement. My boyfriend also has a daughter and a 4 year old grandson.

Seems like things are going to be a lot worse in the next few years seeing how things have been going. I wish you luck and I think a lot of people are in the same boat. I never thought I would do the "resale" thing, but even that is getting harder and harder with costs going up and them sabotaging the post office. Being a library worker is basically being a social worker as well. I guess I get up because I have two little dogs that need and love me and I feel lucky to have the support of my boyfriend because I was on my own for so long. Having most of the male family members in my family die so young also makes me realize that I'm lucky to be here. My boyfriend lost a sister to cancer, has another sibling who just went through cancer and a disabled brother with severe diabetes. The mom of his daughter, who was my deceased brother's friend, died by hanging herself at women's shelter maybe 9 years ago. She left behind two daughters. I think he needs to stay alive and healthy as long as he can for his daughter and grandson. I want to be there for them, too. We have several seniors who live in our complex and we try to do as much as we can for our 83 year old neighbor as possible. We enjoy the beach and movies. I guess take one day at a time. Sorry I practically wrote a novel here, but you aren't alone and thinking about the future right now is extremely scary.

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20twenty20@reddit

Hugs

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Creme_Small@reddit (OP)

I’m grateful for your novel. Thank you for sharing that. It’s good to be reminded that there are many of us trying to row in the same direction.

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rundabrun@reddit

I have the privilege to think like this. I am in survival mode. It is either keep working in my passion, that sometimes I lose the spark for, or live on the streets. I live in a country that has ageist hiring practices and I don't have the capital to try and start another business. I am stuck being a musician till I can no longer play or I die, just like my 75 year old professional musician father. About retirement, my dad laughed when I mentioned it. He said, "We are Mexican, we don't retire." So to reiterate, it is hunger that keeps me going.

It has been my experience that:

Insurance doesn't cover it. Tell me it does all you want, but it doesn't.
Faith based counseling depends solely on your willingness to commit to a religion. I'm an atheist.
Support groups are great but don't deal with the intricacies that one on one counseling does.

Just my personal experience.

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winklesnad31@reddit

I don't know. I think exercise does wonders for my mental health. It's not enough on its own, you still need healthy relationships, having your basic needs met, etc. But exercise is a huge benefit to both physical and mental health.

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BrilliantSir3615@reddit

Agree. I am 57 and cycle almost daily. Keeps me mentally super positive. If I don’t cycle I’m in another head space. Absolutely exercise is therapeutic for middle aged adults and much cheaper than therapy

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ShartlesAndJames@reddit

don't be a dick - there are enough assholes in the government right now we don't need anymore.

we need nice people, KINDNESS. you can suggest THERAPY BRO without shitting on someone else's comment.

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Finding_Way_@reddit

Working out can be helpful and for some absolutely improves mental health as well as physical health.

Therapy is certainly valuable and brings exceptional benefits to many.

You've gotta get nimble, my man. You can find other sources of bread.

Now go start a band. We both know it's the best therapy ever.

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Creme_Small@reddit (OP)

Thanks for the advice. I don’t perform often anymore, and I often bitch about doing right until I go onstage. When I’m done, though? High for days. It wasn’t really sustainable (and I’d literally have died if I had kept at it due to a genetic issue—long story), but there’s a big part of me that regrets having stopped touring, even if it was just bouncing from club to club every day or three. The road was hard and unhealthy but there’s nothing like the Zen of that rhythm and of playing a set so long it becomes completely effortless.

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BuckyD1000@reddit

Don't stop, man. Advice from a random internet stranger means less than nothing, but please consider listening to this internet stranger. Break down what you like to its rawest essence. Make the most raw project you've ever done. Put no expectations on it and have no agenda. Do not he self conscious. Just book some shitty club and go have fun.

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mtutty@reddit

THIS THIS THIS. Don't write off medical sources for how you're feeling. Just went through something vaguely similar a couple of months ago. It was just meds messing with me.

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IHadTacosYesterday@reddit

What keeps you getting up in the morning?

Sunlight I guess? Needing to use the toilet?

I keep waking up in this bitch ass life. I'm like you, there's really nothing left here anymore. You know when you walk into a completely empty room and you look around and think....

"There's nothing here... What am I doing here?"

That's me with life.

And to the dumb ass that's likely to say.... "Sounds like you might have depression.."

Yeah, no fucking shit Sherlock. Theres' no cure for depression. Just cope. I'm not interested in anybodies cope. I don't want to talk to nobody about it, and I sure as fuck don't want to take any bullshit depression drugs.

FUCK OFF with your depression shit. So the fuck what? 90 percent of you bitches are depressed as fuck even though 70 percent of you try to pretend you're not

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Creme_Small@reddit (OP)

I’ve struggled with clinical depression for 15 years or more. Meds help keep me functioning but there’s also a base level of existential dread that I think a lot of people are either too afraid to admit to or too dumb to notice.

Depression and anger turned inward are definitely linked. You might want to look into that.

A treatment for depression can be finding some way to do something for others.

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Useful_Major_5797@reddit

Meditation and looking how people in the past, and by past I mean like all the way to ancient Greece and Egypt to see how people handled aging.

Turns out, something like us today but also alot different.

I just can't stand sayings like "more days behind than ahead" or "over the hill". The road ahead in invisible and has many peaks and valleys. When it ends, I don't know.

I could live another 50 years, or I could get eaten by a hippo tomorrow. But, I can't for the life of me say I will check out at a certain age.

I have seen to many people say they will die at 75, but they are still alive for 15 or 20 more years. But they just sit in a malaise of their own misery.

More or less take the hose you drink water from and beat the fuck out of life for giving you lemons.

Just my views

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Creme_Small@reddit (OP)

The older I get, the more Seneca and Marcus Aurelius I read. You’re definitely right on that.

IHadTacosYesterday@reddit

Doesn't even matter if it was cheap, it's worthless. It's just cope. Let's all cope together and pretend there's something good in life... FUCK THAT SHIT.

I'm a fucking realist, and there's nothing good left. NOTHING. Just deal with it or shut the fuck up

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Bayler@reddit

Nah

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kittybuckmeow@reddit

Oooof

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kittybuckmeow@reddit

I mean all health care in the US ain't cheap. Idk why you feel the need to attack therapy. If he had cancer would you say he shouldn't go to the doctor cause tHAt ShIT aInT ChEAp!?!

Mental health is important.

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Bayler@reddit

I'm not attacking therapy.

I'm attacking access to therapy.

hitting 50 is rough, as is taking care of parents and watching them decline. the current state of US affairs is a fucking nightmare - you are depressed. that's ok, it's a transitional stage of life, do something new and different for yourself, walk in the park once a week, take a class, take some b vitamins... I honestly thing the current politics is just so fucking depressing, I wake up every day and do the same thing, but there is no joy.

it cannot stay like this forever, hang in there young man.

I’m 52, I did 20 years of middle management in the trucking industry and it burnt me out for many reasons, the biggest is the current talent, I was not managing employees, I was an orderly at an asylum towards the end. I ended my career abruptly a few years ago as it was doing me more harm than good and after 20 years of thinking I could make a difference and beat the incompetent and shady players I realized that’s the game. It’s not what you know, how well you know the industry or even produce great numbers, you cannot beat the suck ups, yes men and shady leaders. I wish I wasn’t so stubborn and left years ago, I left to turn my hobby of building custom cars. I waited until my body was worn the fuck out to chase my dreams, although it hasn’t been a nightmare it not the dream I thought it was. It’s hard for me to be super motivated and energetic when feet hurt, joints ache, muscles cramp….. I have a job offer to run decent size company for more money, no physical labor, company truck and a great compensation package and I don’t think I want to do it. I could do the job but it’s been 4 years since I’ve managed and don’t know if I want that, it’s a 24/7 company and I’m never really unavailable. I have some jeep products that I’m prototyping right now that I think is going to do well as it’s a niche people are asking for but nobody is doing it, I think I cracked a code. I’m a few years if I’m still down I don’t know how that’s gonna go. It’s not how I saw my future.

I was a blue collar kid who wanted more and worked hard for anything I got…… professionally I made it far beyond what my upbringing set me up for but I stayed too long. Now I’m in my 50’s feeling so lost, nothing brings me joy anymore when I used to be so full of life. I should be working on a jeep right now instead of typing.

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Creme_Small@reddit (OP)

Different roads, same map. I feel you. It’s hard to chase your dreams with shitty knees. Best of luck to you, anyway. I hope the Jeep stuff works out.

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Deeschuck@reddit

I should be working on a jeep right now instead of typing

These machines are almost as bad for us as they are for the kids. Sucks your time and mental energy away.

Back to grading papers I go :)

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OCDano959@reddit

Gratitude is the key.

Get out of your own head, keep an eye out for depression and seek help if necessary and sounds like you have a lot of talent! My husband also has a lot of talent and he is wasting it.

People here have given some good ideas, like bands, podcasts, etc.

Dip into something new and see what you like!

Almost ALL of us have something to offer and surely you do!

Hope to see a different kind of post from you! Good luck!

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IHadTacosYesterday@reddit

Your husband gives no fucks. Get over it. It's not his job to give fucks anymore. Sorry for you, but not really. Life fucking sucks. Be happy you're not depressed

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Out_of_Darkness_mc@reddit

Oh bullshit! Life doesn’t suck. That’s a cop out if I ever heard one! While depression is real, it CAN be treated if one seeks help. I actually am sorry for you with your attitude. Asshole-ism is just that!

Not sure that CAN be treated!

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IHadTacosYesterday@reddit

No it can't be treated, unless you think cope is treatment and unfortunately, most dumbos do.

Everybody thinks there's a fucking prescription for everything. There's a solution for everything.

almost_an_astronaut@reddit

I'm 50 and decided it isn't too late to live my rockstar dream so started a band. Meanwhile I work 4 jobs but am managing to write and play music like I've always wanted just because I'm old, not dead.

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StockTelephone11@reddit

You are going through the expected shifts. It's very hard to fight the physiological changes that take place on nature's time (brain, neuro-, hormone...).

Thanks. Appreciate the pep talk.

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Ahkhira@reddit

Spouse deceased.

Most friends have either passed on or just moved on naturally.

Working 7 days a week just to pay the bills. No young family. Dad is old and sorta in one piece, but i don't know how long for.

I don't have time for hobbies or anything. I'm always exhausted.

I don't know who I am anymore.

I had so many dreams until a couple years ago. Life happened, and dreams just aren't even close to realistic or even possible at this point.

13 guitars collecting dust. Leftovers for an equestrian career. Junk everywhere. No retirement.

What keeps me getting up every day is my little dog. He loves me and he needs me. Once he's gone, there's nothing left.

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Mediocre-Exit-4935@reddit

I hope that there will always be something left for you.

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Wiserputa52@reddit

Not to say your precious doggie is replaceable, but once this dog is gone, there was always always always a dog in need of a good, loving home.

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I’m sorry, friend. Obviously, I’m not in a great place to give advice, but just know you’re also not alone.

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Dank_Strategist420@reddit

You are fortunate to have chased your dream, worked in the industry of your dreams, parents alive (although aging), and a supportive spouse.

I lost both of my parents in the midst of my pursuit of my dream (I was 28). Dreams put on hold and never returned to.

Fast forward 27 years and I have a great career, a retirement ahead, and a divorce just this year…

I will likely work until I die, because retirement scares me.

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squirtloaf@reddit

Ha. I'm still on the west coast playing...thinking about eventually slinking off to the midwest.

My one glimmer of hope is that I have fallen into a few good-paying tribute bands. I am putting away every penny I make with them into Roth and stock accounts. This is my only hope for later life.

Plus, going around doing gigs keeps me way more active than I would normally be, and more engaged with the world at large. It's like I am contractually obligated to go out and be amongst people.

Mayyyybe try doing a thing like that? Sounds like you got a funk going and need to rediscover your mojo, and I have learned that getting a bit of extra cash and having people tell me how awesome I am (even if it is not my compositions they are jazzed about) is a very good thing.

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Creme_Small@reddit (OP)

The mojo dipstick is definitely showing a low reservoir. People keep bringing up the tribute band thing; maybe something I’ll look into.

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Dangerous-Art-Me@reddit

Stories like this are why I tell my kid that:

“Do what you love, the money will follow.”

…is a big fat fucking lie.

I hate my job, but I’ve learned to be numb to it, and I love the fkn paycheck.

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GogglesPisano@reddit

Agreed. Odds are that when you need to make “doing what you love” somehow pay the mortgage and support your family, you won’t love doing it for very long.

Do something that gives you enough money and free time so you can do what you love when you’re not working.

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141bpm@reddit

So you’re not doing what you love? But something you hate? Did you ever do work you loved? But the money didn’t follow?

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Dangerous-Art-Me@reddit

Not what I love at all.

I'm getting closer to fifty and have pains somewhere in my body most days, don't sleep well, and made some recent stupid mistakes that will delay my retirement by a lot. What keeps me going is my daughter's, one will likely go away to college and move away when she's old enough and the other has special needs. I want to be there for both my daughters...the one that will likely go away is strong and independent and won't need me as much as my other daughter, who will likely always need me and it makes me sick to my stomach thinking about how she will be when I'm gone.

I wrote all this to say that I hope you find something that drives you, that makes you want to keep on going, whether it is a new hobby, staying in the music industry and/or mentoring other bands or musicians, or just volunteering locally to help other, or even just sitting on your ass and playing video games. Best of luck to you!

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