If your partner wanted a dog but you didn’t, what would you do?
Posted by damned-n-doomed@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 511 comments
My partner has grown up around dogs and always had them, whilst aside from my dad taking in my nana’s dog in 2024, I’ve never owned a dog.
Since we moved in together last year he’s been asking if we can get a dog and I was on the fence about it, mainly cause we’re both at work all day 5 days a week so it’d be on its own all day.
I also don’t want to have to deal with fur getting everywhere, training it to not ruin the house, waking up in the night to let it out for a wee and all that. Plus when I’ve been at work all day, when I get home the last thing I want to do is go for an hour long walk round the park.
We’re dogsitting his mum and sister’s dog for the week and he is a nightmare. He’s reactive so he barks at everyone and everything, he can’t be left alone for more than an hour without going mental, and I’m scared to walk him alone in case I lose control of him (he’s always on a lead but he’s so strong) because he just does not listen to me.
He’s said this week can be the “test” to see if we can manage a dog and honestly it’s the last thing I want.
Fenrikr@reddit
Why the need to edit and clarify anything? Nothing wrong with not loving dogs.
Less_Win2234@reddit
I like cats, my partner doesn't. He likes dogs. I've never had a dog. We got one. The compromise wasn't a big deal and didn't need to be. Pets are great to come home to but they're not a necessity.
Mrsericmatthews@reddit
Just to add to this - you should know if your partner would be okay never having a dog. It sounds like that is how you feel.
I, personally, wouldn't be with someone who didn't want a dog. I 1 zillion percent understand why people wouldn't want them (planning, expenses, inconvenience, etc.). However, I wouldn't continue a relationship with someone if I knew that was the case.
Appropriate_Log1654@reddit
My gorgeous rescue dog is now 13 years old and unfortunately nearing the end of her life, having recently become incontinent and showing general signs of old age. She's currently happy enough, and enjoying the spring sunshine, but heartbreakingly, it's probably her last one.
She has been with me since she was 6 months old. It's been glorious, we've walked and walked and walked. She's not just my pal, she's my family. She's been with me during an awful relationship breakdown, saw me find love again, saw me become a mother, sat with me through miscarriages, bereavements, went through lockdown and random late night walks when I couldn't sleep.
I'm going to miss her dreadfully, and I'm stealing myself as I know before long I'll have to make that phonecall to say goodbye. The last year as her health has declined, and she has rapidly aged has been incredibly tough and stressful. Having been brought up surrounded by dogs, I knew when I rescued her all those years ago, that one day I'd have to make the call one day - I just didn't expect the time to fly past so quickly.
Ultimately, this is something you need to account for too. It's not just the owning and all the practical stuff - feeding, walking etc.
We will not be getting another dog for a long while - it will leave a hole in my heart, but it's been so hard I don't think I could do it again.
NoYouAreTheFBI@reddit
An untrained dog is not a pet it's a wild animal with too much say in the household.
Lonely-Job484@reddit
Just say no. Especially if nobody will be around during the day to take care of it
Great-Science-8586@reddit
100% this. People who get dogs just to leave them on their own all day are utterly selfish.
cyberllama@reddit
My mother was like this. Got a dog on a whim when we were kids. She fed her but that was the extent of her pet care. The dog only got walked if I did it or occasionally my nan would fit the brief time that was practical. After that dog passed away, my mother would occasionally talk about getting a Boxer. Her reasoning was that she'd seen someone with one sitting in the front seat of the car and thought it looked cute. I was heavily opposed to this, not that that would have made any difference to my mother. Thankfully, she never got round to it. I'd have probably ended up reporting her.
SerendipitousCrow@reddit
Yeah I'd love a dog but I'm out of the house 8-5 and my break isn't long enough/commute is too far to nip home at lunch. My old landlord was out of the house 7-7 and the poor dog was miserable. I ended up picking up all the slack (lodger)
rwinh@reddit
Absolutely agreed. People who get dogs but are not around most of the day are just buying themselves accessories, not companions. Ticking a box for something they want but do not need and do not have the time to look after. It's like when someone buys something that's a hobby but they never fully take it up and commit.
That's what adopting and owning a pet, especially a dog, is all about. It's a commitment. Fulfilling their needs as well as yours.
doepfersdungeon@reddit
Agree with this. Definitely say no if you get a sense
A) It's not in the interest of the dog
B) You have a theory you'll end up doing more the work. (It does happen)
xeroksuk@reddit
We didn't have a dog for the first 25 years of our relationship. My wife wanted one but, like you recognised it wouldn't be fair on them since we were working 5 days a week, complete with long commute.
I'd never had a dog, so I had all the concerns you had. I thought it would restrict us a lot, for holidays and outings.
However, the world moved on. She retired and felt she'd be able to spend enough time with it.
She chose a breed that was small enough for a city flat.
It also turned out i started working from home due to lockdown. As is the way of things, I've ended up as the main dog walker, and stay home with him while my wife goes out hillwalking every day.
Yes he restricts our life and makes it more expensive, but we wouldn't do without him.
But waiting for the right time and finding the right dog were important for that.
amberthezombie@reddit
Would you be happy to have one on the condition that he pays for a dog walker to come in on work days (can't leave the dog home all day!) and does evening walks? And you get to choose a breed you'd like (low energy, small breed maybe?). Could you trust him to hold up his end of the bargain? You're not wrong for not wanting one and for standing your ground at all, but personally I feel this could be a relationship deal breaker for some people.
MediocreMan_@reddit
Do not get a dog unless you both want one.
Not fair on the dog.
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
This is another of my reasons too, it wouldn’t be fair.
BillyBigNuts1934@reddit
You’re clearly not a dog person ….
It wouldn’t be fair on the dog unless your hearts 110% in it
You can’t leave a dog home alone all day
It’s no different to a 3 year old child
I have a Rottweiler who’s an absolute gem … but they need time / attention and exercised
Dog ownership is not for you
chocklityclair@reddit
So you're suggesting that 'a dog person' is someone who selfishly gets a dog in order to leave it alone all day?
BillyBigNuts1934@reddit
Not at all … You can’t leave a dog alone all day
lollybaby0811@reddit
He can look after dogs in your local area, using rover he can pick and choose the days, be paid and use the money to treat you both
TooNeuroToBeABot@reddit
I wouldn’t recommend it if your sat on the fence. Hopefully without sounding preachy if you’re at work all day it’s not fair on the dog. They take up a lot of time which you need to be committed too
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
That’s the thing, I like doing things last minute and having days out and stuff. Can’t really do that if I’ve got a dog to sort.
Trebus@reddit
I love my dog more than anything & am dreading the day, but your life deffo changes once you get one. Days out are entirely dependent on multiple situations. Is it suitable for dogs? Great. Are they allowed there? Cool. But is it too hot? Is there shelter to keep her out of the sun? Fantastic. Is there somewhere you can eat that is OK with dogs?
Then you've got all the your-specific-dog issues; mine is a rescue & can't help herself round food, so eating out doesn't happen. She can't settle unless she's at home so weekends away rarely happen.
I wouldn't change any of it, but when she dies my wife & I will have to think hard about getting another.
fingertipnipples@reddit
...have you guys had the kids conversation yet?
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
Yeah, we know we definitely don’t want kids right now. We may reconsider when we’re older and (hopefully) have more money but for now it’s a firm no.
Maximum_unfocused@reddit
I had kids when I met my partner (partner came with 2 dogs). Dogs are so much more work than children.
Children develop and learn every day. Dogs… don’t …
I’ve grown to care for the dogs but if I could snap my fingers and they’d be gone, I’d be happier and much less stressed.
mimic@reddit
A dog is in some ways just like a child who doesn’t grow up. Charming in their own way, but unless you have family & friends nearby who will happily take them at a moments notice, then you can kiss goodbye to any spontaneity when it comes to trips, etc.
Akash_nu@reddit
Exactly what I was going to say! Having a dog is like having a kid.
fingertipnipples@reddit
Good! Definitely good to be on the same page there.
mad_saffer@reddit
Definitely can't do last minute stuff. Every outting needs to be planned with the pooch in mind. Is something dog friendly? No? Maybe another time. We have an amazing dog sitter who will sit for us if we go away for a night, but then it's still extra because she has to be paid. I love my dog, but it's killed the spontenaity in our relationship.
TooNeuroToBeABot@reddit
I have found out there are rubbish for this from experience. I love our doggo but I wouldn’t be in a rush to get another
ItGetsEverywhere1990@reddit
Exactly. The people who’ll come back at you on this are recluses who scour instagram dog rescue pages and post cry emojis. Had dogs all upbringing. Family all have dogs. I love dogs. But only get one if you’re a recluse/never want to be spontaneous again.
I’ve lost more friends to dog ownership than parenthood! You just never know if your dog is going to be an anxious wreck that tries to kill other dogs, barks at bartenders or worse - can’t be left alone. Yeah… not in a rush for that thanks.
OptionalQuality789@reddit
I’m the same. Love my dog to bits. Unlikely to get another when he pops his clogs.
rositree@reddit
It very much depends on the type of days out and type of dog. If you're active and outdoorsy, dog can come with you a lot of places. We take our spaniel camping, to beaches, kayaking etc with us. A colleague brings her bichon frise to work, to the pub, cafes etc as she's small enough to just put on her lap out of the way and goes to sleep. You're obviously not going to have that option with a German Shepherd or Rottweiler.
You're saying all the things that you like or are concerned about, but what about your partner? Do they like doing the spontaneous day trips with you or would they likely be home anyway? If they're more of a homebody anyway, and it's them that wants a dog, wouldn't they do the majority of the walks and sorting out? Although, if you leave them to do most of the training, walking and bonding, you may have the same problem as currently with the dog not listening to you.
All this is just to give a little bit of balance to the idea and some food for thought on whether there is any chance of compromise for you eg a short haired dog with low energy levels (retired greyhound or whippet?) and your partner doing all the weekday walks plus funding the costs?
If you still don't want to, don't. It is a long term commitment and even with the best will in the world there would be times you end up helping out. Even more so if it would be on its own all day, every day.
No_Communication1557@reddit
This exactly. Me and the Mrs both like dogs, both have had staffys in the past, and want another one but we both work long days and we love the fact we just just get on the motorbikes and sod off for a weekend camping etc. Can't do that with a dog.
We want to enjoy life while we both can. We will get another dog, but likely once retired and we don't go away as much.
Keep firm with your choices. You don't want the hassle of the doghair, the walking, and you like being able to be spontaneous. All good arguments to leave the dog thing alone for now.
Kimowi@reddit
We got a dog. Then we had a baby.
Baby is so far a million times easier than the dog. Don’t do it unless it’s something you really want.
YogurtclosetThen7959@reddit
Hell it's not fair on you is the main reason. It's not selfish to say no to taking on extra responsibility and hassle for the sakes of companionship of a different species.
If they want a dog they can get one but not in your house if you don't want it.
rhaegal82@reddit
I’m a dog trainer. I’m a mom.
Having kids and having high maintenance pets are things that take two yeses and one no. Dogs are high maintenance pets at least for the first few years. They are high expense pets, as well. To be honest, I’ve had horses, and I would place dogs equal to if not above horses in difficulty level. I struggle to think of a pet that is higher maintenance than raising a puppy into a well trained, well exercised, mentally and physically healthy dog.
A steppingstone/compromise can be to foster adult dogs and see how it goes. This way you can also be sure about an individual dog and whether they fit into your lifestyle before you adopt them.
Pets that are relatively low maintenance once you get them set up: reptiles, birds, rodents. Maybe suggest one of these pets as an alternative. They are not zero maintenance, but perfectly easy for one person to take care of them, typically do not require an expensive pet sitter if you need to go out of town, and very rewarding as well. I have a bearded dragon and even though I’m the only one who really takes care of him, it takes almost no time. We let him run around a couple of times a day and everyone in the family enjoys him.
voluotuousaardvark@reddit
There is an argument it could grow on you, especially woth a puppy.
That's a bit of a risk though for such a long term commitment.
MediocreMan_@reddit
You don’t need any other reasons, a simple ‘I do not want one’ should be enough.
Dogs are a lovely commitment but a massive one, especially if you don’t want one, and it isn’t a commitment you should be pressured into.
Boudicat@reddit
Do you really think that a dog "needs" every human in its orbit to be specifically invested in it? I don't. Certainly not if the person who DOES want the dog is prepared to be entirely responsible for it.
MediocreMan_@reddit
No I don’t, but if a couple takes on a massive commitment which will impact their current lives (finances, time, spontaneity etc.) that they both aren’t equally invested in, then it’ll likely lead to resentment.
Doesn’t matter if only one person is happy to take responsibility for the dog, it’ll ultimately impact the entire household.
FatTabby@reddit
But what happens if that person suddenly becomes unable to be the primary caregiver to the dog? Illness or injury can happen to anyone. I'm not saying everyone in its orbit needs to be head over heels in love with the dog, but it's not fair for someone who didn't really want a dog to suddenly become saddled with the unwanted responsibility or the guilt of rehoming.
AirconGuyUK@reddit
The amount of times one partner doesn't want a dog but then ends up loving it though..
My dad never wanted a dog. Mum got one in secret anyway. Guess who was crying the most while we buried him..
plantlady1-618@reddit
Also not fair on the dog to be alone all day long, 5 days a week. A dog is defo a two yes requirement.
OMGItsCheezWTF@reddit
My wife wanted a dog. I didn't not want one, but I was indifferent.
9 years later I love that little fuzzball, she's literally sat on my lap as I type this fast asleep. This process took approximately 14 nanoseconds after meeting her for the first time.
SherbertResident2222@reddit
I would compromise and get half a dog.
Tao626@reddit
I recommend the front half. That way, you don't have to deal with poop.
pajamakitten@reddit
Or go get some hot dogs.
EpponeeRae@reddit
The King Solomon school of pet ownership I see.
NewSpell9343@reddit
I got the dog.
My partner didn't want a dog. I come from an animal family. For me, it's not a home without a dog.
It took a few years. The kids and I got a fish. Then some more fish. Then we got a reptile. Then by that time he was used to pets, so with his agreement, we got the dog. He is not mad about my fluff monster but he is tolerant. He knows she makes the kids and I happy. Obviously, the dog adores him.
Hatchet09@reddit
Get a rescue Greyhound they will sleep all day when you are at work no bother 😁
Vast_Ad9484@reddit
dogs are worse than kids. don't get a dog. they are a tie and a hassle. not worth it.
Jassida@reddit
Both my partner and I want a dog but don’t want to be tied down.
If one of us was willing to be the default walker then we would get one I think
TeaAndCrumpetGhoul@reddit
Can't lie dog people's house absolutely stank. And the amount of money you have to spend to make it stank slightly less probably isn't worth it. Good news is you'll get used to that smell. Other people won't though.
Just a piece of advice if you get this dog you can't just get rid of it. And you can't throw out a "if you want a dog you'll have to look after it yourself" because they never do. And they'll throw that shit back in your face.
Good thing is, you currently don't have a dog. You can continue that.
Tao626@reddit
I don't have a dog. I can't always smell dog in somebody else's house. The houses that smell like a dog are almost always from the owners you're not surprised by.
420o@reddit
I'm a delivery driver so I visit 100s of different houses a week. It's extremely rare that a house stinks of a dog and, like you say, for those I doubt getting rid of the dog would make a blind bit of difference.
Perhaps I'm just a bit nose blind due to having one myself? Because cat owners homes tend to absolutely reek the second they open the door.
Anonynymphet@reddit
You’re nose blind because you have one.
When my parents got a dog whilst I was away at university and came back home, I was overwhelmed by the dog smell. A few months in, I couldn’t smell him, or any dog for that matter. Now I have a house of my own, I can’t stand the smell of dog again.
I love my parents dog to death, but people with dogs really can’t accept that their animals fucking stink.
Tao626@reddit
My partner is a delivery driver aswell. The only times she has mentioned smelly dog houses are whilst describing a general shithole.
We have a cat and anecdotally, people have been in and claimed they didn't know we had one until he snuck past to the kitchen to eat (he hides from visitors), but they could have just been being nice.
I've had a cat (3 years) for far less time than I haven't (32 years), though, and I can say with the same certainty as dogs that I could have been to a house and not known a cat existed unless I saw it...Though you fucking know when they don't look after it, if only because I've never heard of a litter tray for dogs.
420o@reddit
Oh for sure it's definitely not all of them. Mostly the same scenario as the smelly dog ones, most houses smell completely normal, you wouldn't know they had a pet. Just my experience is the smelly cat ones really smell foul.
I think it's mostly, if not all, down to the little tray situation. People who let their dogs use their yard as a toilet and don't clean it, that tends to stink.
lunchbox3@reddit
It also really depends on fur type! I grew up with retrievers and they were only allowed on one sofa (an old ratty one in the kitchen) and weren’t allowed in bedrooms at all because they are sooo stinky. Plus the fur got everywhere they went. I’ve got a poodle and the lack of shedding and oily base coat means they are way less smelly and so we are a bit less strict.
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
This is another thing, we’ve only been looking after him for 4 days and my sofa, clothes, carpets all absolutely stink.
Eneia2008@reddit
What a world of pain, just don't do it. You can prevent this smell by washing them often but you'll be the only one motivated to do it. See how you're saying "my sofa, my carpet"? You are taking care of the cleaning tasks, aren't you, not him?
You'll be the bitch if you complain, you'll end up washing the dog by yourself to keep the peace.
Also, the fact that they didn't wash the dog before leaving it to you says a lot about how his family won't take your concerns seriously bc they're ok with the smell. He won't be different.
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
No, he actually does more of the cleaning than me.
TeaAndCrumpetGhoul@reddit
Get a chameleon. Or an iguana. Or a monitor lizard. Or a gecko Anything except a dog.
Not a ferret though.
dendrocalamidicus@reddit
Depends on the dog really, but you don't know if you will have a stinky dog until you already have committed to homing the dog.
Bksudbjdua@reddit
Be prepared for him to leave you and/or resent you. So you do need to weigh up how much you love your partner and how much you'd hate to be a dog owner.
Not all dogs are reactive, but they do need good training. Not all dogs are overly strong either, you just need to pick the right breed.
Reasonable-Isopod736@reddit
I know you are being downvoted but I kind of agree with you on this.
For people that are really into the idea of a pet. Being in a relationship where you can never have one is a big thing. Sure you can say right now is not the time for a dog or a cat or whatever and be okay with that. But you go into relationships for ideally a lifetime.
I cant imagine many people would breakup specifically over that in a long term relationship. But it gives them a reason to look forward to a break up when times get harder. I dont mean arguing either, life gets in the way at times and makes things hard. The idea that you could run away and get the dog you always wanted is pure escapism fantasy that is achievable to do.
I dont think a pet is not comprisable to the same level that children are. But it is up there.
Zealousideal_Box5339@reddit
I wouldn’t date someone who didn’t want a dog
FluffiestF0x@reddit
Good, at least you’re not subjecting others to your dog like most owners
Zealousideal_Box5339@reddit
Well I study animals for a living and own other animals. I think anyone I’ve dated knew from the start that my dog was obviously part of the package. It’s like kids. Your lifestyle has to fit
Upbeat_Branch_4231@reddit
Explain no thank you. And if that fails, leave/divorce them.
Most_Gur9426@reddit
My partner always dreamed of having a family dog. I grew up around cats and was afraid of dogs as a child. Our compromise was that he let me pick the breed and we spare no expense In puppy school training, grooming etc.
I researched easiest 'first time' dog breeds and picked a hypoallergenic small (cat sized dog).
It was definitely a massive lifestyle adjustment and the puppy phase was stressful at times because even without shedding there were still accidents on the carpet. Muddy pawprints and destruction of items but I can say it's been one of the best decisions we ever made. Super fulfilling, we both love our dog and now the puppy stage is over (1.2 years) we have a calm cuddly dog, that no longer has accidents and has a lovely temperament with gentle nature.
Working-Spread-4513@reddit
After the week is up I’d say just be firm and say it’s absolutely not for you and the dog sitting week has solidified that for you.
To be fair, leaving a dog on its own 8-6 (guessing how long you’re out tbh if you both work full time/factoring in commuting) is unfair to a dog anyway in my opinion.
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
That’s my biggest argument, I leave at 6.45 in the morning and I’m not often back till 6pm, he leaves between 7-8 and also isn’t back till about 6.
Poor thing would spend half its life stuck in the house alone.
Amonette2012@reddit
That's not going to work. Dog will be sad and have behavioural problems.
PinacoladaBunny@reddit
What would his plan be to accommodate this? Because no dog can be left alone for this length of time. Any dog would need to be let out for wees, at least 1 walk, and need company during that time frame.
Not to mention factoring in a walk before going to work, so getting up a good hour earlier daily to do that!
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
He insists it would be “fine”
HeartyBeast@reddit
Having liveed next door to a dog which cried all day. No
quite_acceptable_man@reddit
We did for a bit and it was a nightmare. She was a typical 'accessory' dog owner. She was on her own, and in her mind I'm sure she was the the most perfect dog owner ever to have existed. This dog got treated like a prince. Expensive food, let it sleep in her bed with her, let it lick her mouth, trips to the dog-groomer every other week, lots of little accessories and jackets, referred to herself as the dog's 'Mummy', and every photo on her social media was of her and the dog.
But she would leave it shut indoors all day while she went to work, where it would bark and howl the place down for hours at a time. Her idea of taking it for a walk was a 5 minute stroll around the block for a shit.
At weekends she took it out in one of those dog pram things.
When we had a word, she wouldn't believe us. It was only after several neighbours complained that she got someone to take it out at lunchtimes.
Luckily, it was a rented house and she moved out after 6 months.
Mispict@reddit
My parents had a dog that got left home for a full day occasionally. They both worked part time on different days and occasionally there was a day where they both had to be out for a full day. The dog was fine, but only because it was the odd occasion. Most days he would be home alone for around 4 hours which was fine.
prankishink@reddit
Sounds like you have more consideration of a dogs needs and welfare than he does. He doesn’t sound a good potential dog parent anyway
DarkNinjaPenguin@reddit
Obviously it wouldn't be fine, but you can get dog walkers and things to mitigate this issue. The root here is that a dog doesn't work for you, and that's what you should focus on - because any other excuse he may try to find a way around.
Fiercat99@reddit
I agree on this too. I work shorter hours and my brother and i walk each other's dogs and stuff if either of us gets delayed at work, that said as much as I absolutely adore my collie I would not get another after her. No shade on her, she is fantastic, perfect dog for me, but as she's about 12 she's also alot calmer in the house.
CurmudgeonLife@reddit
Sounds like he doesn't have a clue
jaynoj@reddit
It would be the dog paying the price for that decision, not your BF.
Don't get a dog unless you can give it the care and attention it needs and deserves. Leaving it home all day is neglect and the dog will suffer for it.
pocketfullofdragons@reddit
Even if the dog would be fine, that is not the point. You don't want a dog! It's not the lifestyle you want for yourself, and that is reason enough alone. You are entitled to that preference. You don't need to justify it. It just is what it is.
If having a dog is important for this man to feel fulfilled in life, then this needs to be treated as seriously as if one of you wants children and the other doesn't. No trying to change each other's mind, because being pushed by a partner into a lifestyle you don't want or sharing the life you always wanted with a partner who doesn't appreciate it only leads to resentment. So no matter which side got their way, neither of you would ever be truly happy or content. You are simply not compatible.
HarpersGhost@reddit
Nope, nope, nope, nope. Optimism ain't gonna work, he'd have to have a plan, and just saying it'll be "fine" is not it.
There are plenty of older, smaller dogs that would love to just sleep on the couch all day and wouldn't have the energy needs of the sort that you are currently watching. But still, there would need to be a plan for potty breaks during the day (12 hours is too long).
Get a hamster.
Sparkletail@reddit
He sounds selfish and more interested in having his own way than he does in either your happiness or the dogs welfare.
I personally wouldn't get into a relariosnjo with someone who wanted a dog because while I think they are lovely animals I am also very lazy and the thought of not only having to walk it twice a day but also pick up it's shit is very much behind me. I also know it would be bad for the dog.
If he insists on this or keeps pushing you I'd seriously reconsider the relationship.
Rtnscks@reddit
That's wildly cruel. And a pup left alone that long will destroy your home too.
twirling_daemon@reddit
Yeah. Besides your legitimate misgivings this dude is not mature enough to take a dog on
He’s giving zero shits about what the dog will need to be happy and is simply focussed on the fact he wants one
Outside_Break@reddit
Do you want children?
If so is this the kind of person you want being their parent?
pajamakitten@reddit
It sounds like he knows very little about dogs if he thinks that.
mixamatoosh@reddit
Ask him if he’d be happy not to have a piss between the hours of 7-6 all day every day. This is the height of cruelty.
PinacoladaBunny@reddit
Fine?! Without a solid plan for a dog walker at least once a day, a daily dog sitter, or doggy daycare, it’s an absolute, definite ‘No.’
Don’t let him sway you, he’s thinking of himself and not the dog. No is a complete sentence. If he wants a dog around then ‘borrowing’ the family dog for the weekend, for walks etc is the best option.
Different-Use-5185@reddit
The odd day it would be fine but as others have said, not everyday.
whosUtred@reddit
Yeah it’s 100% not fine to leave a dog that long every day during the week.
I’m sure your other half is a decent bloke but he’s being very selfish to say it’s ok to do this, just because he wants a dog. Believe me, the dog won’t want him if this is the situation
AppointmentSad9742@reddit
Agree with this thread the dog will not be fine for that amount of time and especially not every work day. You would need to hire someone to come and walk the dog or drop it a doggy daycare. So consider the extra expenses. Otherwise you will have a stressed out pup with half of your house chewed and soiled.
Schnauz6@reddit
If you were to apply at a shelter they would insta-deny you getting a dog on this alone
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
We also live on a busy road with no garden (we do live right next to a park though) so that also immediately disqualifies us from adopting.
Which means we’d then have to buy, which obviously costs a fortune (when we’re supposed to be saving up for a new kitchen)
And have to do all this research on breeders and stuff to make sure we’re not getting some poor disease ridden thing from a puppy farm.
BeatificBanana@reddit
I think if you know you would be instantly denied adopting a dog from a rescue, it would be completely wrong of you to then go on and buy a dog. If these rescues (the ones genuinely wanting to find homes for their animals) are saying you shouldn't have one, then that says to me you should not have a dog. They have those criteria in place for a reason, and just because breeders (who are financially incentivised to sell their puppies to whoever wants one) would let you buy them, that doesn't mean it's right to.
BB-Zwei@reddit
Even if you both really wanted a dog I would say it's a bad idea based on your working hours and living situation.
Xenasis@reddit
Buying a dog when there's so many available to adopt at shelters is also questionable at best. If you would be disqualified from adopting at a shelter, I don't think buying a dog is really remotely a good thing to consider.
Bababalaba2712@reddit
Six hours max for leaving a dog and that’s a push. We try not to leave ours for more than 5 without a walk. Thankfully my partner has weekends off and I have two days off during the week so there’s only three days where we have to have a sitter or he walks them on his hour lunch break
rebelallianxe@reddit
My husband and I mostly wfh and I still worry about the odd day we are both in the office and we have a teenager at home to keep an eye on the dogs and let them out for wees.
anabsentfriend@reddit
I'm not going to get a dog until I'm at least a decade or more into retirement, so I'll be around all day and not be wanted to travel so much. I work from home a lot now but I still don't think I'm home enough for a dog.
Working-Spread-4513@reddit
Oh yeah that’s definitely too long! Hopefully he’ll understand
Spare-Egg24@reddit
100%. It's not even about the time spent on its own. It's a massive commitment and a huge life adjustment and if you don't want it, you don't want it! I say this as a huge dog lover. My dog is an absolute pain in the ass and I can only just cope having had dogs before and wanting this one with all my heart!
chocklityclair@reddit
But it's mainly about the time spent on its own.
Several-Praline5436@reddit
It would get bored as hell and destroy the house.
Iamthe0c3an2@reddit
Sounds like you might be cat people.
doepfersdungeon@reddit
Let them go. They deserve to be happy.
FluffiestF0x@reddit
lol what?
doepfersdungeon@reddit
A dog is a lifestyle choice. Like having kids or living in a city or a village.
Not having dogs in my life would be a deal breaker to me. No woman is special enough that I'm I'm going to prevent myself from having a deep relationship with possibly 7 or 8 dogs in my lifetime because they can't be assed to go for a walk every other day.
How you want to live , where you want to live , with who you want to live with , all play a part in the choices we make in life.
50 % of all marriages end in divorce. A dog very rarely let's you down. In fact the opposite. Their love is almost unconditional and incredibly good for your mental and physical health often seeing people through the hardest points of your life.
Don't want one , that's fine. Go find someone that doesn't want them either. I'll go and find someone who doesn't see dogs as a issue but an asset.
I also question someone who can't nurture a dog. It's a good tester to see what kind of parent they will be. Not exactly concrete, but nothing is really.
To be honest. This conversation would have been had before we moved together.
So as I say, if they are sure about it , let them go.
Otherwise_Tiger3832@reddit
Dog nutter spotted. The bastardised wolf doesn’t care for you, it cares for food and would happily eat you given the right circumstances.
doepfersdungeon@reddit
Haha sure. Humans are the same though. We saw that with the plane crash in Argentina. The right circumstances are starvation. If I'm dead, the dog can eat away. It would be my pleasure.
It's alright, friend. You don't get it. Whatever the basis of the relationship, it doesn't make it any less fulfilling.
Many human relationships are deeply transactional, too.
It's not for everyone, but I've seen dogs protect owners , sniff out cancer , saves lives in water, watch their owner die before going into depression, be the driving force behind weight loss or just be an ever presence through grief snd loneliness.
You'll never understand it and that's fine.
I'm not tying my dogs hair in a bow or putting funny clothes on it, but from farmers to homeless people , policeman to your average joe, it's not just nutters who love thier dogs.
Give it a try. It may just change your life.
The relationship is 15k years old for a reason.
Being a "bastardised" wolf isn't the insult you think it is.
FluffiestF0x@reddit
Why are you suggesting it’s OPs decision to make?
It’s down to their partner, if they want a dog more than the relationship they’ll leave on their own, they’re a grown adult (I hope) and are more than capable of making that decision for themselves
doepfersdungeon@reddit
I'm saying that that an ultimatum may be on the cards and they may have to buckle up because if he turns around and says it a deal beaker, then compromise may have to happen if they deem the relationship worth keeping. Why do you think it's up to the other person to sacrifice their lifestyle for OP.
This is the reality of a relationship.
I'm speaking from my experience.
I was also being a bit tongue in cheek. Of course, I don't really know anything about their relationship and what will happen if OP makes it a firm no.
I just know dogs are important to some people. To some , not having one isn't worth it.
laeriel_c@reddit
Same as with kids. Its needs to be 2x YES. If your partner's whole life is dogs then this might be a deal breaker, and that's fine. Sometimes we realised we are not compatible further down the line. Getting a dog when you both work 5 days a week is irresponsible IMO. My dad loves dogs and he was sensible enough to realise he works too much to be able to take good care of one and train them.
ParticularWallaby173@reddit
I sucked it up and got a dog. Now we have two dogs.
2smart2gentle@reddit
This is me&my husband. I don’t wanna have a dog, I don’t want the responsibility, but he wants. I told him that if we get one, I’m not gonna do anything it’s all on you. We’ll see what’s gonna happen.
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
I’ve debated saying this to him. If he gets a dog it’s his and if it ruins the house or whatever then so be it, it’s his responsibility.
But that wouldn’t be fair on the poor dog.
SerendipitousCrow@reddit
I used to live as a lodger with a landlord who neglected his dog. If your partner doesn't do his share you will end up performing dog care out of pity for the dog and will resent both him and the dog in the end. He'll get used to you doing it and expect it and you have no way back
spellboundsilk92@reddit
I did this. It was my husbands dream to get a dog once he lived in a suitable house. I love dogs but I didn’t want to be the main caregiver. Also didn’t have the budget to pay for it - so I said that’s fine and I was happy to help with walks and care etc but it was to be my husbands dog in terms of responsibility, finances and legally.
It’s worked well and now we have two! I’ve never had to do more than I wanted with them but my husband was genuinely into being a responsible dog owner. He’s taken them to lots of training classes so they’re well trained happy little dogs who are really easy to live with and I love them to bits.
Do you think he would take it seriously and be responsible? Or do you think he would try to foist it onto you? What are his plans for when he gets the dog? What does he anticipate daily care routines looking like? Who is paying? What does he expect you to do?
Just some things to discuss with him that might help you figure out how you both feel about it
Eneia2008@reddit
OP's partner had no issues with a stinky dog leaving hair everywhere and OP did. They're not married.
I reckon you've been lucky! But great discussion to be had if they didn't have these issues.
Outside_Break@reddit
Don’t do this. It doesn’t work like that and when it doesn’t what are you going to do? Give the dog up? Yeah sure.
RobertTheSpruce@reddit
And eventually he will throw it in your face.
Bec21-21@reddit
Why would that be unfair on the dog?
Provided you’re not actively being mean or unkind to the dog, it’s fine for your partner to be its owner and to take care of it.
RBisoldandtired@reddit
Because they live together and the dog isn’t just going to want the partners attention. Is it fair on the dog to live in a home where 50% of the owners don’t want it there?
Additional-Let-5684@reddit
Not true I live with my partner and my dog and his dog and his autistic nephew. The dogs ignore the nephew entirely and don't mind that at all because they choose it
RBisoldandtired@reddit
Not remotely the same situation… wtf
Additional-Let-5684@reddit
Na the point is dogs don't necessarily need everyone in the house to be taking care of them and giving them attention. Very much comparable to this situation
RBisoldandtired@reddit
No it isn’t. Your nephew isn’t the owner of either of the dogs.
I think you just wanted to tell your own wee story
Additional-Let-5684@reddit
Not true the nephew knew my partner's dog before I did by a factor of seven years and has contributed to taking care of the dog well before I was with my partner.
RBisoldandtired@reddit
How you think this is comparable to OP and their bf having a dog that they get brand new as a couple is beyond me.
Funny though. Enjoy your evening lol
Additional-Let-5684@reddit
Because not everyone living in a house will be equal in connection to the dog, if me and my partner are out the dogs chill downstairs whilst the nephew is upstairs. If I'm home they're in the same room. I'm struggling to see how you can't seemingly make basic connections. Most dogs Ive lived with have favourites and it's pretty normal...
For example, I got my dog with an ex it was clear I was the main caregiver and she connected with more to the extent it wasn't even a question as to who would be taking care of her after we broke up, dogs do not need nor want equal attention from everyone in their lives
RBisoldandtired@reddit
Lol fuck sake. Dog owners are another breed
Additional-Let-5684@reddit
I thought you weren't a dog owner lmao, so don't know why you think you have a leg up on me or have reason to criticise anything I said
RBisoldandtired@reddit
Yeah. I’m not a different breed. You’re off your fucking head.
Sir-Craven@reddit
Because you cant live with another living being and resent them 24/7. Someone or something is going to get very hurt.
norfolkandclue@reddit
Don't say this, don't even leave the slightest bit of a chance that you're on board. Be straight forward and say no. Your house will be full of dog hair and there's no chance that you'll be able to avoid taking any responsibility for an animal in your home.
Objective_Sun5553@reddit
I'm not sure how realistic this is tbh. I have pets and they honestly are part of family life. I know it sounds cliche but it's true. They're another life in your home, there's no way that they won't impact you.
underthe_raydar@reddit
It would definitely get left to you, at the very least you would be picking up more housework/cooking responsibilities because he is walking the dog. There is no way it doesn't impact you.
Noobeater1@reddit
I'd be cautious about that. It's easy to say that now, but sooner or later he's gunna be home late, or he'll be sick and you're gunna need to feed/walk the dog and once may turn into twice may turn into a habit and a new job for you.
It's up to you, I love dogs personally but if you're living in a house with one it just seems unlikely that you can completely separate yourself from any responsibility for it
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
Oh I’m not actually going to do it haha. And I have enough faith in my partner that he wouldn’t just bring a dog home one day.
LiveFastDieRich@reddit
If it lives with you inevitably something at some point will become your responsibility too
RBisoldandtired@reddit
Doesn’t help you if you want to go away. It’s always going to be partly your responsibility and it’s not fair to you or the dog.
RobertTheSpruce@reddit
I was in the same situation, however she she stopped walking the dog, I didn't want to seem cruel so ended up feeling that I had to do it. It contributed to our breakup.
Compromise is one thing, this was being walked over.
Glittering-Trifle736@reddit
This is all well and good in theory but won’t last. If the dog shits all over the house or gets into something it shouldn’t and you’re first home/at home are you just going to leave it? The dog is climbing the walls because it needs a walk and your OH is running late, busy on a work call or is out for the evening, “oh, can you walk the dog?” Soon enough that’ll fall to you too.
If one person doesn’t want a dog, then you don’t get a dog.
davebrooks0473@reddit
I was the same, then we rescued a little stray who’s now curled up asleep on my legs, best thing that’s happened to us
Horsey_McHorse@reddit
Just so you have the full picture, looking after someone else's dog is not the same as having your own, that listens to you, you can teach, and train the way you want. So already you might be adding to the No Dog points. The other way to look at this is can you do a part time job along with your day to day life/routine? That's something that people seem to forget about getting a dog. By the sounds of it you might not be able to but that's your decision to make.
From my experience - I've grown up with a dog, love him, miss him and said to my wife once I graduated my masters I want to get a dog. She wasn't convinced we should be getting a dog,same as you, but she knew how much I wanted one. Always joked i'd rock up back home with one. Not sponsored by the way, but in the meantime I signed up to borrow my doggy to start working out how we can carve our time and lifestyle to suit, which I'd recommend to give you an idea of how it would work with you. We were lucky to get to know this dog really well, so much so, we were asked to have him at ours for the night whilst the owner was away. This was the first time we've had a dog to look after together and in our house. Yes there's the risk of the stuff might be chewed up but I at least made sure nothing was reachable like remotes etc..
Anyway come the evening, we're going to bed, wife starts to feel ill - blocked nose, sore throat. Come 3am and wife shoots out of bed ( shes normally a deep sleeper) saying she can't breathe with puffy eyes standing by the window - turns out she was allergic to the dog!! It was and still is heart breaking...we took the dog back to his owner as early as possible and cleaned the house and car top to bottom. By the evening her symptoms were better. But we both knew it wasn't what we expected to happen. Almost rather he did chew something up.
We've been around dogs before, she knew my dog, we love dogs but never together in a closed environment like our house - always outside or other people.
She was even worried that we'd end up separating because my dreams of having a dog again are absolutely shattered but that's not how it works. Our compromise is now that we'll just visit the dog more often! He won't be able to stay with us but we can see him more often during the week rather than just on Saturday and pretend he's in our care too. Like joint custody of the dog! It's as good as it's going to get and I'll take it.
Anyway the moral of the story is, it's all about give and take with your partner. Worth having the discussion before signing yourself up to a dog. And maybe considering signing up to borrow my doggy or similar websites, which frankly are the best thing out there and I'm glad it exists. Otherwise it's not fair on you or the dog. Good luck!
Poethegardencrow@reddit
Get a cat! You can leave them home all day as long as you feed them and cuddle them when you are home, dont need to walk them get an automatic Loo that you need to clean every 3 days. If you get a short hair cat you will not have a lot of fur. Bonus points as long as you have the cat you cant baby sit the dogs anymore!
quite_acceptable_man@reddit
It's absolutely unfair on the dog to leave it shut indoors on its own for 10 hours a day. In fact it's bordering on cruelty. Your partner cannot be a dog lover is he's prepared to do that.
Stefgrep66@reddit
Id love a dog but my wife's not a dig person so we've never had one.
We had cats though until they died.
Were not replacing them though, we like to travel alot, but more of an issue are vets fees which are frankly scandalous here in the UK.
It's a bloody racket!!
Connect_Remote2890h@reddit
in all honesty who will be available during both of your work days to let him/her out for toiletting? it will be a terrible shame to have a dog just to be left alone ALL day whilst your both at work. the dog will suffer anxiety and become needy which will not be his/her fault. as your partner loves dogs so much, he should consider the animals welfare before his 'just wanting one' because he has always had a dog in his family home. im not being awful saying that, i just know through experience that the 'looking after' always falls on the one who didnt want the commitment, whilst the one who did was at work ALL the time and too tired for 'walks' in the evenings. personally, i dont feel your being selfish by not wanting a dog.
Experiment328095@reddit
Yeah don’t get a dog. You’re right, I love dogs too but I don’t have the time or energy to enjoy having one at the moment x
crankyandhangry@reddit
Dogs have to be two 'yeses' or one 'no'. My partner and I both adore dogs! But we both work hybrid and can't guarantee one of us will always be home. I bet your partner had a stay-at-home/worl-from-home parent, or a few siblings, or outdoor space with multiple dogs, so the dog wasn't left by itself for long periods. It's a very different situation with a household where everyone works in the office.
It sounds like your trial has been a disaster. Don't do it.
CalicoDesertOasis@reddit
My husband didn't want a dog and then we had a year-long separation and in that time I got a dog. Now we're back together and I still have the dog. :)
SidewaysSheep24@reddit
It's a difficult one, but it's no different than if one of you wanted kids but the other didn't. That's another life you're taking on responsibility for - only kids eventually grow up a bit and have some autonomy, go to school, go to their friends, relatives etc.
Dogs never grow up, they need you or someone else's close care and attention, for life.
I think it's absolutely the right thing that you have expressed your reluctance to your partner and said that it wouldn't be fair on the dog - and I say that as someone who loves dogs and minds them for friends and family regularly.
Unless you're both 100% ready for the committment and sacrifice it takes (because there will be sacrifices - time, expense, inability to go on trips at a whim, etc), then entertaining a dog (or indeed any pet), just to appease the other, is the wrong thing to do.
You've been clear about your position and valid reasons for it - which have the welfare of the dog at heart - don't be afraid to stand your ground with it. Don't be tempted to 'compromise' to appease your partner - you can't get half a dog, or a part time dog, anymore than you can half have kids.
If your partner is steadfast and can't deal with that, you be forced to re-evaluate the relationship I'm afraid. Hopefully it won't come to that.
Fiercat99@reddit
I get your point. I lived with my mum. We had 2 dogs, mum wanted a third. Did not listen to me when i told her I didn't want a third because If anything happened to her I would not be able to cope financially with them. She ignored me, got him anyway. I love the dog very dearly, but what i said would happen happened. My mum was about 65 when we got him. I lost her 3 years ago. My brother ended up taking him. I still see him almost every day and he's a great little dog, but I still felt awful about it.
SquareEconomist1992@reddit
Why did you feel the need in the last sentence to clarify you love dogs but don't own one?
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
Because I realised after reading my post it came across as me not liking dogs. I do, I love playing with other peoples dogs if I go round their course or whatever, I just don’t want the responsibility and commitment of owning one myself.
MediocreMan_@reddit
Your last edit is totally fair.
I love and own dogs, but lots of people can get weirdly territorial and defensive over any perceived slight against dogs.
It’s like babies. You can love them, but not want the commitment of having one of your own.
SquareEconomist1992@reddit
It's not like babies. Let's not compare dogs to babies.
SquareEconomist1992@reddit
My issue is that it seems a disclaimer needs ot be put each time someone writes about problems with dogs. It's almost as if it's an apology to dog owners, I wish we could just write about issues about dogs without fearing about the backlash from dog owners. I feel like you did this subconsciously without even realising it. It's okay to not like dogs or be completely neutral about dogs.
butwhatsmyname@reddit
The two of you do not have the time or capacity for a dog. You already know this. If he wants a pet in the house then look at guinea pigs or a cat.
If he wants to spend time with a dog, there are lots of dogs out there who need walking. He can look at BorrowMyDoggy, or volunteer at a shelter, or just find an elderly neighbour who doesn't get around so easily anymore and could use a hand walking their dog several times a week.
If any of that sounds like a bit too much effort to him?
He's definitely not ready to actually own and care for a dog.
But
Even if he is: you don't want one.
And that's it. If it's a deal breaker for him then he needs to make that decision, but you should not get a pet that you don't want.
Usaname91@reddit
Even though he wants the dog it seems you actually care more for the potential dog. I agree with your reasoning. Do not get one if you’re unable to look after it which wouldn’t be fair
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
I think he just sees it as a fun little thing he can walk round the park and chill on the sofa with.
Impossible-Fruit5097@reddit
Even though he’s grown-up with dogs, I would say that that his mother’s dog is reactive and has separation anxiety is a good sign that he actually doesn’t know how to raise a well trained dog.
He wants to play with a dog, he doesn’t want the responsibility of one.
InquisitorVawn@reddit
Yeah, I said this in my own reply to OP. The fact that mum's dog now is reactive and poorly behaved says that they've never raised dogs properly, and he's just going to write this week off as "just how dogs are" and not see the need for things like training classes, socialisation, doggy daycare or walkers etc.
Mental-Sample-7490@reddit
Or maybe its a rescue that already had issues before his mum got it? It's not a fact because you imagined it.
Agree with the working time being an issue. When we got our first pup we both went home on our lunch breaks to walk/play etc. so was never more than 3 hours and I now work 4/5 from home and wife 1/5=have 2, now mature dogs. There is a very rare occasion they need to be alone all day, but this is kept to an absolute minimum. A puppy will destroy your house if left to own devices all that time and absolutely cannot be left crated all that time either.
InquisitorVawn@reddit
You know what, that is on me. I took the OP's mentioning of the dog's issues without any explanation behind them as it just being the standard for the dogs of the family when coupled with another post the OP made, where the partner says any dog they get will be "fine" being left alone for 11-12 hours a day.
I took the partner's laissez faire attitude regarding the dog's needs as indicative of the whole family's attitude, and that's on me.
But I still don't think that takes away from my broader point that the partner doesn't seem to understand or care about how a dog's needs should be managed when the family is out of the house for a full half of a 24 hour period.
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
You’re half right. They got him as a puppy and he was absolutely fine, well trained and all that. Then their mum got critically ill and the dog was rehomed to a farm to be a working dog.
He “failed the training” (the farm’s words) and was sent back, it was like they sent a different dog back. We think he was abused on the farm which has made him scared and reactive.
oh_no551@reddit
Maybe he could look at borrow my doggy or another site where you help out with dogs on occasion? He could walk someone else's dog, hang out with them on occasion
Karloss_93@reddit
My local shelter, where we got our dog, is always desperate for volunteers to come in and take the dogs out for a walk.
ampmz@reddit
Because it’s always been someone else raising the dogs. Being around family dogs is a very different experience to being an owner.
OutdoorApplause@reddit
Sign him up for BorrowMyDoggy or the Cinnamon Trust. He can go on walks and chill for an afternoon with a dog and then send it back to its home.
preyforall@reddit
So he wants to be a kid with a puppy, not an adult
Gullible_fool_99@reddit
If I was you I would not get a dog. You BOTH have to be on the same page. You also should NOT leave a dog on their own at home for 7 to 10 hours while you at work - that is cruel - and day-care for dogs is expensive.
And it isn't just about the logistics of looking after the dog, you must make sure you can afford a dog. Dog food, dog insurance, day care costs, an emergency fund, regular injections / grooming etc.. It all adds up.
I have two dogs at the moment and they mean more to me than almost anything else. But my wife works from home and only has one office day each month and when she goes to the office either I stay at home with the dogs or they go to day-care.
chronicbint@reddit
Exact situation, wife and kids want a dog, I am "no chance". We dog sit a few times a year and thats plenty. We both work, kids are lazy, it would eat into my ME time. No ta. :)
captain_crackerjack@reddit
Have you thought about compromising and getting half a dog?
chocklityclair@reddit
You're not being selfish but your partner is. A dog is a living creature requiring care, attention and companionship. Your partner wanting to 'have one' as an accessory or possession, when you're not in a position to care for it properly, is incredibly thoughtless and self-centred.
Dogs do not like being left alone all day.
People who claim to be animal lovers but leave a dog on its own in an empty house for 8+ hours a day, just so that they can have a pet for a few hours before bed and at weekends, are fooling themselves that they're putting the animal first. Dogs love being with people - what sort of life are you giving them if they're lonely for most of their life?
Sorry to rant, but guaranteed you'll get people claiming that they leave their dog on its own all day long and 'it's fine.' Fine for the owner, maybe.
CurmudgeonLife@reddit
Somebody needs to be home all day whilst they're in the puppy phase so it doesn't even sound reasonable.
Historical_Project86@reddit
I would feed, walk, groom and medicate the little feckers. I'm not strongly against them, I just think our resources could be used elsewhere. One is on his way out, and I said "no more", so wife wants a bigger dog. Doh.
Akash_nu@reddit
Yeah I’m the same. I don’t have the time in the day to care for another living thing. So no dogs in our household.
RaspberrySad2546@reddit
This is the reality of having a dog. A lot of people on Reddit for some reason expect to be able to get a dog to do what they want significantly more easily than with a child, who they share a language with.
Barking can be a nightmare to stop because most of the "wisdom" is around waiting until your dog.... stops barking.... then reward it. Ah yes let's just let the dog bark constantly for 5-10 minutes, that works well.
There are also shitloads of "trainers" that have no formal background and just teach complete bullshit, while charging over what a qualified therapist for people would charge....
But no, do not under any circumstances get a dog if you don't want one and definitely be aware that individual dogs can be a nightmare to train and the dog training industry may as well be full of grifters.
Ok_Young1709@reddit
How much work has he been doing with the dog you're looking after this week?
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
He walks him quickly before work so he can go to the toilet, then we walk him together when he finishes work because the dog doesn’t respond to me on walks.
Through the day I’m in the house with him but that’s only because I’m off work this week, which is why we agreed to have him (exactly how I wanted to spend my week off work, not)
Ok_Young1709@reddit
So no cleaning up after the dog?
Whatever he does now is all he will do if you get one and even that might decrease. It shouldn't even be a quick walk in the morning, the dog needs proper exercise, should still be a long walk.
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
No he does all the cleaning up, I can’t stand picking up dog poo. Obviously if he did anything inside I’d clean it up.
He does get a long walk on an evening too with both of us. I’d take him out on an afternoon but he’s a nightmare if I try and walk him and I’m not willing to risk myself/someone else/another dog getting hurt if I lose control of him.
10133R@reddit
Start shitting/pissing in the kitchen and sniffing strangers buttcracks
PMIFYOUWANTTOTALK@reddit
While i agree with everyone here that says don’t get one, but do you think your recent experience of dogsitting could be putting you off too much? Your own dog could be well behaved and depending on breed not too much hair or walking. It could bring alot of joy for you
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
No, I felt this way before we looked after him, this just cemented it for me.
Odd-Committee4849@reddit
Unless you are both 100% committed please don't get a dog! Me and my husband have a dog who we both desperately wanted, and even though we share the jobs it is hard work! (More so now we have a baby!). We love him so much and wouldn't change him for the world but they are a huge commitment- needing walks twice a day all weathers, the cost, the mess 🤣 and if you do 9 - 5 mon/fri you may also have to pay for a dog walker too 8/9 hours alone is just far too long of a day.
May I suggest your partner looks at Borrow my Doggy? He can help with walking dogs local to him and get his doggy fix that way!
Eneia2008@reddit
How much of the work do you do at home? Who took care of the dogs his family had? Are the conditions similar where you live? Who will be "forced" to take the dog for a walk every day when everyone is too busy? Do you have a garden, does his family have one? Because there's a shit ton of responsibility and high costs (inc health insurance) that comes with a dog.
The bigger the dog the more food you need, it's expensive, how big is your fridge etc.
Don't let a guy who might be gone next year convince you to make a life changing decision whose responsibility he will dump on you when he's tired.
A week isn't sample enough for what it will be long term. Guy will be on best behaviour, how has this worked so far? Does he usually help cleaning the house? If not this won't be any different.
I think you are accurately judging the responsibilities and he is more careless like a lot of people are. Please stand your ground.
Also don't let him have his way because you're exhausted from the week of dog sitting.
If he wants a dog he could offer dog walking in your area, but it feels a bit silly if he doesn't even work from home to fit this in his schedule.
You are judging the situation accurately, trust yourself.
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
He actually does a lot round the house (arguably more than me) so I’m not worried about him not taking responsibility for the dog, cause I know he would.
Case in point: I’m still in bed while he’s up feeding the dog and is about to walk him.
FudgeVillas@reddit
I’d get a dog.
Not because I’d want a dog; just based on how situations like this have panned out in the past.
pm_me_your_amphibian@reddit
If you’re both out of the house all day it would be cruel to have a dog, regardless of anything else.
Vast-Faithlessness85@reddit
In your situation, I would only get a dog if you are willing to pay a dog walker to come around during the day. I agree with you, 7-10 hours alone every day is unfair. Personally I would also give an evening walk as well.
Barking like that can be prevented with training. Loose fur can be avoided with cleaning the dog regularly and shorter haired breeds shed less.
Having said all that, owning a dog is a big responsibility and too many people do it without really thinking about the dogs needs. If you dont really want a dog and your bloke isn't prepared to handle the responsibility all himself then dont do it.
Puzzleheaded-Bad-722@reddit
Say no. Not only that, but I bet my bottom dollar that all of the responsibility for it will be lumped on you.
Hubble_bubble753@reddit
My ex wanted a dog, I didn't because I knew he would lose interest and do none of the maintenance. Guess who f'd off into the sunset dog and responsibility free after we broke up? Guess who has the dog now? Guess who had to pay expensive vet fees (thank god for insurance but I maxed it) last year when said dog got ill?
I adore my doggo, he's the best, wouldn't change him for the world. I don't mean to be a negative Nancy, but only get a dog if you're prepared to single parent it.
Old-Ad3803@reddit
Hard agree, my ex did the same. I absolutely adore my dog and wouldn’t have ever been parted from him but it didn’t take much for him to ditch the dog he begged for. Losers.
SongsAboutGhosts@reddit
Sounds like my cousin and his ex - I don't think you are, but if you happen to be his ex, big love from the rest of the family, we miss you lol
Eneia2008@reddit
Unfortunately this is common.
Hubble_bubble753@reddit
Lol my ex actively avoided all of his cousins, so alas I doubt I'm the ex you have in mind, but that's sweet haha
nebulousrealist@reddit
It sounds like you're just being realistic about the actual hard work of raising a dog. It sounds like his mum hasn't trained the dog and just wanted one so it's unsocialised, poorly trained and anxious.
It's likely that your partner doesn't understand what it takes to actually raise and train a dog either and just likes dogs.
It isn't even like you could ask his mum to have the dog in the day sometimes because her dog is dangerous.
I dunno, it sounds like your partners want is more emotional and impulsive and you're thinking through the actualies of the situation.
Also, if your partner thinks that having a dangerous dog for a week is a test for your own dog, then he clearly doesn't see the issue with the dogs behaviour and how it stems from his mums negligence and probably a stressful environment.
It reminds me of a friend I have, they got a dog and her mother in law got one from the same little on a whim because it was cute (and probably because she didn't like not being the center of attention). My friends dog is golden because she trained her properly... MIL dog is a nightmare, because she didn't really want a dog, she wanted attention.
Alert_Ad_5750@reddit
Even if you both wanted a dog, you’re both working full time so you cannot take care of it properly. Dogs are not like adult cats who are quite happy/will relax and can go out and about themselves, dogs not okay being left alone for long periods day after day.
Puzzled-Barnacle-200@reddit
Cats amd dogs cannot be simply owned by one person. They do impact the entire household, so the entire house needs to be onboard.there are plenty of other pets where the burden can fall on just the person who wants them.
Dnny10bns@reddit
I love dogs too. It's taken me a few years to get over euthanasing our previous one. It's a big commitment and some of the reasons you've listed are what has put me off getting another. I've looked into fostering, but that was paused for other reasons. If you're not 100%, don't do it. That's my opinion anyway. I did dog boarding briefly. Never again. 😂
Terrible-Group-9602@reddit
This often happens and after a few years the partner who didn't want a dog now can't imagine life without their special friend and can't believe what they were thinking when they said they didn't want one.
FluffiestF0x@reddit
How much you wanna bet?
Because I’d look for every excuse not to come home in my partner got a dog. They’re fucking filthy, don’t leave you alone and stop you being able to relax at home. If you can’t relax at home you’re eventually going to break.
I actually think if my partner got a dog I’d take a job posting abroad and just leave her to it until it dies
Terrible-Group-9602@reddit
Sounds like your partner would be much better off with a dog than you
FluffiestF0x@reddit
If that’s what she wants she’s free to do that
Hookton@reddit
Break up if they had their heart set on it. I wouldn't want to own a dog, that's non-negotiable.
BroodLord1962@reddit
It would be a deal breaker for me. He wants a dog, then we split and he can have as many dogs as he likes
SpamJavelin00@reddit
I think you’d fall in love with it !! Best way would be a trial run .. look after one for a friend going on holiday for 2 weeks , or foster one from a shelter. You’ll fall in love with the companionship and fun a dog brings .
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
Did you read the post? I’m looking after a dog now and it is hell
SpamJavelin00@reddit
Not all the way down, I got bored . Try training it instead of wrestling with it on walks. like this perhaps
LynxEqual9518@reddit
I didn’t want the dog. He desperately wanted one, specifically an Alaskan Malamute. To stop him from just going behind my back and getting one anyway, I “compromised” on a Golden Retriever. With the promise that he would handle the walking, feeding, cleaning up shit - all of it. He swore he would.
Well…
He didn’t do a damn thing with the dog except play with it and feed it treats. All the training, the late-night toilet runs - everything - ended up on me. And since I’m not the kind of person who lets an animal suffer for something it didn’t choose, I stepped up and did it all.
Nine months later, the idiot broke off our engagement, and I was stuck with the dog for another nine years because, of course, he didn’t have time to take care of him.
I loved that dog. I absolutely despised my spineless ex.
Do not get the dog. Just don’t.
SaveOurPandas@reddit
Speaking from experience: if your partner gets a dog against your wishes then it’s time to evaluate your relationship.
blumpkinator2000@reddit
This is one of those "two yeses" decisions.
My partner wanted a dog at one point, and it was a hard no from me. I don't want any involvement in walking, caring for or cleaning up after one. I didn't want the house smelling of dog, or not being able to have a minute's peace because it wanted attention.
Had he gone and got one anyway, he'd have been on his own. As it turned out we ended up with a cat instead, which was a much better fit for us and how we lived.
Hiraeth90@reddit
You both work full time. It's not fair on the dog
Cogjams@reddit
I agreed to another dog. As I wasn’t prepared to agree to anymore children.
Scottish_squirrel@reddit
You could foster a trainee guide dog. You have them for 18/24 months I believe and they go off for training throughout the day. My friend is on her 3rd or 4th dog and it works well for them as 2 full time workers. If after the first foster you still aren't a dog person there's nothing lost.
givingpeasachance@reddit
This is an excellent shout as a compromise and there is also training for this role. Might be a good education and wake up call for the husband who thinks it's fine to leave a dog for 8 hours at home by itself.
Scottish_squirrel@reddit
My friend has kept all of hers nearer 2 years. The 1st one didn't go into service but the others all have. Maybe depends when you get the dog.
shredditorburnit@reddit
Why get a dog if you're both at work 5 days a week? That poor thing will spend almost it's whole life alone.
Don't do that, it's cruel.
princewinter@reddit
Getting a pet is a huge responsibility, like, literally life changing. At least it *should* be if they are being taken care of properly. It is the decision of everyone in the house as to whether or not you want that responsibility.
If BOTH parties aren't a strong yes, then it's a no. And that's for the quality of life for the dog. Especially if you both work full time 5 days a week, that's not a good environment for a dog in the first place.
I also want to say that a cat is not a compromise either. So many people think well, if we can't commit to a dog, cats are more independent and don't mind being left alone. That is 100% untrue.
Cats require just as much attention, maintenance, play and care as dogs.
miklovesrum@reddit
THANK YOU!! I am so sick and tired of all the cat misinformation on this post!!
Eyewiggle@reddit
It’s probably because they’re the types to let them out all day/night and call it a day
miklovesrum@reddit
Yep! Irresponsible pet ownership tbh.
Cheese_Dinosaur@reddit
Oh I agree! People think cats aren’t affectionate or loyal so treat them as such! But they are. My cats are big, soppy, cuddly friends and we can carry them around like babies! 🤣
Emergency-Draft-4333@reddit
I want a dog so bad, but my husband doesn’t want one. We had one many years ago. She was the best dog ever. He says you can’t travel with one, but we don’t go anywhere. We’ve had one vacation in the last five years, and my daughter would love to dog sit. Some day one will fall into our laps, and we will have a showdown.
Itchy_Cranberry2750@reddit
A dog is a major decision and it requires two yesses or one no. Like kids. It’s a long commitment and requires whole house participation.
moreboredthanyouare@reddit
I folded recently after nearly 30 yrs and agreed to a dog. Its made my wife very happy and tbf, I love the big mutt too
Agathabites@reddit
If you’re both at work all day and there’s nobody to walk the dog, or even just look in on them, in that time, then it’s a no anyway. Not fair on the dog.
FatTabby@reddit
Unless you're both 100% committed to getting a dog, don't get a dog.
I've grown up with dogs, I worked with dogs, I love dogs - I wouldn't own one because however much I like them, it's not a lifestyle that suits me and that wouldn't be fair on me or the dog.
You can love dogs without owning one. If your partner really wants to spend time with dogs, rescue centres welcome volunteers who are willing to walk and spend time with the dogs in their care.
Don't back down on this because it's going to cause horrible resentment to fester between you and that's not fair on either you or the dog.
SwordTaster@reddit
He doesn't seem to understand how much work a dog is gonna take. If he insists on a pet, I'd redirect towards a cat, many are playful in similar ways to dogs, the hard part is finding one. Cats are much better home alone for the day as long as they have access to either the garden or a litter tray
PrincessStephanieR@reddit
I wouldn’t be with someone that wanted a dog. It’s a deal breaker. No dogs in the relationship.
Sad_Bastardo@reddit
Compromise and get a dog like breed of cat, like an abyssinian or bengal. Both breeds train easily with a clicker and reward treats and in my experience they like playing fetch 😁
Eyewiggle@reddit
Both of those cats are high energy breeds and they’re out for most of the day. OP said she doesn’t want any pets so I doubt she’s down for that
bastard_rabbit@reddit
Does it have to be a dog or would you both consider a cat? I’ve had both. Having cats isn’t free of responsibility, but they’re generally much happier to be left alone, and are less time-intensive and cleaner. You should give some of your time to cats, e.g. play and affection, but you wouldn’t need to go on long walks. Cats can be just as good companions as dogs can be.
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
I don’t particularly want any pets really
Eyewiggle@reddit
That’s valid and you shouldn’t consider get any pet at all. For your sake and the potential pets
turtleship_2006@reddit
Also cats are much more capable on going on walks on their own, so you can either let them out at certain times or even just allow them outside access at all times and they'll be fine (depends on your area/neighbourhood though).
Dogs need to be taken outside and accompanied at all times
trying3216@reddit
Get half a dog.
FeedingTheBadWolf@reddit
It actually doesn't sound like you love dogs that much. No judgment.. just, the way you talk about the concept of them? "It"?
And honestly unless you're desperate to get one, you shouldn't. Being "on the fence" isn't good enough because it's A LOT of work. Like having a child. It's all in or nothing.
The main issue though is that, if you're both away the entire day mon-fri that's just cruel for a dog. You'd need a doggy daycare situation or a sitter unless one of you WFHs. And honestly that's just a lot of expense and stress.
Do either of you like cats? Lol
NewYorkDOCG@reddit
https://www.borrowmydoggy.com/welcome/dog-lover
EasilyExiledDinosaur@reddit
Ask if a cat is a deal breaker lol.
Sardinesarethebest@reddit
Get a dog and learn to live it for them. But my partner is so good to me and we have been through a lot together
DiskBytes@reddit
My partner wanted a dog, I didn't.
So all she gets is, 'that fucking dog barking, at the patio doors, fucks sake'.
You wanted a dog, you pick its shits up from the garden.
breezalicity@reddit
betraying your feelings and getting a dog likely wouldn't be great for your mental health, which effects you, your life, the dog, and your partner in the long run. trust your gut
Edika-2020@reddit
I also like to pet and play with dogs and promptly return them to their owners. If you don't want a dog don't get one. Not all dogs be like the one you're dog sitting but you have to actually want to have one around you all the time.
Adorable_Orange_195@reddit
I would get a new partner whose ideas on pets is more in keeping with mine.
Pets are a long term commitment and imo should be discussed in the same way as you would discuss beliefs and opinions on having children, adoption, fostering etc.
I wouldn’t pursue a long term relationship with someone who desperately wanted bio children and would seriously consider whether I wanted to continue one if they wanted to adopt or foster in the future but I’d be open to being a step parent. Same as I wouldn’t pursue a relationship with someone who wasn’t open to having multiple pets in a household, because that is what I am aiming for.
It’s about comparability and in any healthy partnership if one partners voice is repeatedly ignored it will eventually cause issues. There is also the consideration on if a partner becomes sick or injured whether it’s for a day, weeks, months or years the other will be expected to step in to undertake the chores, tasks etc that they usually would until they are well enough to. If you then add in a partner having to undertake normal day to day tasks in addition to tasks associated with an animal they didn’t want it will only grow resentment and discontent.
Boudicat@reddit
I would get a dog. If a person has grown up with pets and misses that, they will ALWAYS miss it. Plus, every person I've ever known who became a "reluctant" pet owner grew to love them dearly.
Warm-Marsupial8912@reddit
Don't get one. I'm a dog trainer and see this pretty commonly, everyone has to be in agreement if you get a dog because it changes so much. No more impulsive trips, no more easy travel, no after work drinks, no more lazy Sundays where you don't leave the house, the cleaning increases, the choice of cars changes...
And you are quite correct. Dogs are social creatures and leaving them 9-5 is unfair. No decent rescue or breeder will sell you a dog with those hours - the shitty ones of course just care about the colour of your money
alex21dragons@reddit
Have a child with them instead. Same unconditional love, less hair everywhere and you can take them into restaurants.
Wot_Eye_Cee@reddit
Honestly? People who don’t like dogs are weird and to be avoided 😊
chez2202@reddit
A number of the issues you mentioned are easy to address, but not cheap.
Examples are as follows.
Letting the dog out at night - get a dog flap so that the dog can go out when they need to.
Training them not to damage your furniture - there are puppy training classes everywhere.
But the fact is that having a dog when you both work outside of the home means that your dog will be alone all day as you said.
My dog was ok with being alone for hours on end for years. When COVID hit I had to work from home for two years. Then I went to working hybrid with one or two days a week in the office.
He has destroyed my living room furniture. And the replacement furniture. And he has dug holes in the living room carpet. He’s very old now and I can’t send him to doggy daycare because he believes that he’s the only dog in the world. My partner and I currently arrange my office days to coincide with his days off. And a lot more besides.
Having a dog is like having a child, except they can’t tell you what they need or what is upsetting them. They are totally dependent on you. It’s unfair to have them if you are going to leave them alone all week. They don’t understand why you aren’t there.
Fur everywhere - there are dog breeds which do not shed their fur.
Hour long walks in the park after work - you can hire dog walkers to do this for you.
LavenderClouds6@reddit
Honestly, how important is this to you?
Is it worth it to not allow him to have one? People in relationships never agree on 100% of things. People make comprises and sacrifices. He could sacrifice his deisre for a pet dog. Or you could sacrifice your desire for a lack of dog. It depends which is more important to the people.
If having a dog brings him a lot of joy, keeps him busy, and he cares for it (not you), is it worth the negatives to you? What if you really wanted something and would be the only one responsible for it, but he didnt really want it. Would you appreciate it if he allowed it?
Of course this is regarding an animal so the animals welfare is a priority here. If he could not provide it high welfare, then no you cant get a dog regardless of how much he wants it.
Several-Praline5436@reddit
Honestly, a dog needs constant companionship -- it is a pack animal. It will be miserable being alone all day or you would have to get an expensive pet sitter. He's gonna need to go for runs / walks multiple times a day. Until you can afford, both financially and time-wise, to give a dog his best life and/or your husband can take him to work with him... don't get one.
smelliepoo@reddit
I wanted a dog for years and it was only once my partner also wanted a dog that we got one. If he had never wanted one then we would not have got one. Much like baby names, it is a two yes, one no situation.
March_mallo@reddit
Why does he want a dog knowing it’d be on its own 5 days a week? What’s his plan with that?
Expensive_Paper_2908@reddit
I didn’t want a dog. I insisted that I didn’t want a dog. I was firm, direct and clear about it.
We now have two dogs and I would go to war for them.
VariousBeat9169@reddit
Get a cat, that was our comprise and it’s worked for 40 years!
miklovesrum@reddit
They are both out of the house all day for 5 days a week... A cat is also a terrible idea. They should get fish or a snake or something if they need a pet.
Ok_Young1709@reddit
A cat can generally cope with that better though. Most dogs can't, and I bet the type he wants won't like it.
Xenasis@reddit
It's really upsetting to me that some people (OP's partner) still think buying a dog makes sense without any plan to keep it company for the vast majority of its life... practically animal abuse.
VariousBeat9169@reddit
Very true, I missed that bit.
LegitimatePenguin@reddit
That's an old cat!
VariousBeat9169@reddit
Very good! (3 cats)
Rtnscks@reddit
Figure out what a dog will cost - they are expensive if you factor in holiday care and insurance, spaying, vaccines too.
Then during this test week, figure out if your partner can manage and fund a dog without relying on you at all.
R_Eyron@reddit
Tell your partner that you do not want a dog, not now or not ever. It's his choice if he can live with that. Don't try to hide it if you're not willing or you're just dragging him along into a life of never owning a dog, which is difficult for someone who has always had dogs to accept.
RavenSaysHi@reddit
My partner and I were in this exact situation (except he was you in this scenario). 14 years later we got a dog and we both love it. Wait until you both feel ready. We are very responsible and I work from home most of the time now, plus my partner is self employed and can take a dog with him. It worked out over time if it’s meant to be.
Apprehensive_Bus_543@reddit
Forget all your other points and just consider the issue of getting a dog to leave it alone in the house all day for 5 days a week. It’s not fair on the dog unless you have someone to walk it once during the day. I wouldn’t do that to a dog.
cdh79@reddit
Let him do ALL the doggy duties whilst you are looking after this one. See how much he likes it.
We got a cocker spaniel because my partners family have "always had dogs" and "I'm bored and lonely, cooped up all day with the baby. I'll do all the walks etc"..... guess who does all the walks... and "they've always had dogs" turns out they know sod all about how to train them.... so we have a dog with behaviour issues. Plus we now can't do anything away from home without serious planning and coordinating.
Dear-Appeal-7007@reddit
In my house we would absolutely not be getting a dog. I just know all the responsibilities would become mine 🙃 im far too lazy for that to be fair on the dog 🤣 Like it would be 100% "looked after" like fed and loved 🤣i just dont think i would be all that great with walking it and having the time to train it properly. This would obviously be very unfair so it will always be a firm no from me. Im not really a huge fan of animals either 🫠
Least_Return5174@reddit
Ummmm, how about dont get a dog if you're gone all day?!
This is horrendously cruel and Im so sick of people saying its fine, my dog doesn't get stressed. No,they get bored and miss you. Even if they dont howl/pace/destroy they're still miserable. They are a pack animal and you are their pack.
You either need to fork out for doggy day care (so expensive) or find s walker for a solid hour long walk at lunch so the dog isn't left for more than 4 hours with no contact.
8hrsplus is animal cruelty.
nospellingerorrs@reddit
If you aren't at home you shouldn't get one. Not fair on the dog to be home alone 5 days a week.
Also, if you dont want one, you shouldn't get one.
Your life situation seems better suited to a cat. But, even then, if you don't want a pet, the responsible thing is to not get one.
twirling_daemon@reddit
An awful lot of cats don’t want to be alone that much either
No_Effective_4481@reddit
Not wanting a dog is perfectly reasonable. It's far worse to get one just because one of you wants one, and the other doesn't. They require a lot of attention and if you only have one and you both work full time the dog is likely to be very miserable, and quite possibly disruptive.
My parents have always had dogs, they have never been without them for probably the last 43ish years now, however the limitations they put on you life are long-term and pretty restrictive, plus vet bills are ASTRONOMICAL.
Guy at work the other day paid £600 for a set of xrays for his dog. Guy where my wife works paid out £5k for a knee operation on his dog, and they were originally told both front legs needed doing. My parents last month paid something life £500 to get one of their dogs teeth de-scaled after they were originally quoted £250.
I told my wife really early on that I never want to own a dog, but eventually we got a cat and she's been an amazing addition to our little family. Shes affectionate, happy to be indoors, shes (usually) quiet and not at all disruptive, however dealing with the litter tray is never very pleasant and she does leave fluff everywhere but its a small price to pay.
Axehack101@reddit
Okay, sounds like I’m going against the grain here but hear me out…
If he’s willing to accept all or at least the vast majority of the responsibility, then get the dog.
Sounds to me like your partner is pretty convinced he wants one, so lay it all out for him.
He has to take at least a month off of work initially for potty training. Get up early every day to walk the dog before work. Hire a dog walker to take the dog out at mid-day when you’re both working. The walk the dog every evening. (Most dogs need a minimum of 90 minutes per day. Depending on the individual and the breed… MINIMUM) Outside of walking, it’ll need between 20-30 minutes of training - unless he knows nothing about dog training. In which case he needs to hire a professional trainer. Explain Kennels & boarding fees for when you want to go on holidays, pet insurance, food costs, vet fees (insurance doesn’t cover everything). Crate, leash, bowls, toys, treats etc.
If he’s the kind of man who is willing to do all of that, can afford it and you believe he is responsible enough to actually do it - then frankly he isn’t asking for your permission. He just wants you to be onboard because he loves you.
Otherwise, he’s looking for shared responsibility and if you’re not on board, absolutely do not get the dog.
Good luck! ❤️
lostgayuk@reddit
Fortune not to be in that position love dogs and my partner does too, were in a position where if we lived together the dog would be able to have someone there almost constantly.
With your situation it seems best not to get a dog anyway the long hours you described wouldnt ever benefit the dog, plus I doubt youd be up for taking the dog out and meeting its needs after those days.
Pretty much don't get a dog if you arent ready to commit to it but I'd say have a proper chat with your partner about it and be honest about it from the health side of things that dog wouldnt be healthy maybe compromise on a lover need pet idk if thatd be something you guys would be happy with
JohnnyOneLung@reddit
Pets are like children
If one of you doesn’t want them, then don’t have them.
Reallyboringname2@reddit
Said no.
Not having it. I WFH and would be the one stuck with all the responsibilities. Screw that.
Paulstan67@reddit
I would not be with a person who wanted a dog.
Necessary_Delivery80@reddit
Don’t do it it will take away all your freedom for an animal you don’t even want
Sufficient-Mess-6931@reddit
Your reasons for not getting a dog are totally reasonable. It may be different if your work schedules changed and you could find compromises on things like walks/training/housework. But rn neither of you could responsibly own a dog and it's good to recognise that
TongaDeMironga@reddit
I didnt want a dog, but my wife and kids really wanted one. So, we got one. It’s fine, I just don’t like cleaning up the wee and poo
Adorable-Mention8512@reddit
We be getting a dog. She’s the boss
Agitated_Ad_361@reddit
It’s pretty unfair on the dog (and your neighbours) if it’s on its own all day.
I would personally hate to own a dog, not because I hate dogs, I like a few of them when they’ve got older, but I can’t deal with the energy and noise of a dog under the age of 3. If my partner decided she wanted one it would have to be a no, as it would ruin my life, and she would respect that. Your partner should respect your need to not have your life turned upside down my owning an animal that won’t have the best life anyway.
AltruisticFox8763@reddit
My wife and I both wanted a dog.
We loved him more than anything.
We rehomed the dog because the life we gave him was so limited by us (there were other issues but don’t need to go into that)
They’re so absurdly restrictive too. Don’t think I’ll ever get another one. Maybe a cat, I grew up with them and they’re much lower maintenance 😅
Marion_Ravenwood@reddit
I was a bit on the fence but luckily we struck gold with our dog. I love her to bits and she's an incredibly easy dog, but I probably wouldn't get another. They're more restrictive than cats and cost a lot to board if we're away, or we ask friends and although everyone loves her I feel like I'm putting people out.
One of us is always at home during the week, as we both have hybrid jobs. I wouldn't get one unless you could be at home with it. It's not fair on the dog and if you get one that is destructive when left it'll be an absolute nightmare. And if you then decide to put it in daycare it'll cost a fortune as well.
JohnCasey3306@reddit
Tough one because whilst a relationship is about compromise, having a dog is all or nothing.
I suppose there is a whole spectrum of considerations... Does the nay-sayer object on reasonable practical grounds such as lack of daytime care or the ongoing cost of a dog is genuinely unaffordable in your present situation -- or just doesn't like dogs. It "feels" as though reason makes a difference.
All in though, it speaks to values, outlook and time of life -- not dissimilar to the question of having kids or not ... If you and your partner disagree and can't find compromise, is this really a sustainable relationship?
oldguycomingthrough@reddit
My missus wanted a dog but I didn’t so we compromised… and got a dog…
Plastic_Truth3053@reddit
You can’t if you both work full time, it’s not the right environment for a dog
TerryGranules@reddit
Both being at work all day is the only reason not to get one, none of the other reasons matter.
FluffiestF0x@reddit
You think that not wanting a dog isn’t a reason to not get one?
TerryGranules@reddit
They say the main reason for not wanting one is that they're not at home, then list a load of other reasons. I'm saying the other reasons don't really matter if you're not there all day, that's enough of one for it to be "no".
TerryGranules@reddit
Yes that's exactly what I said, word for word.
delunacocona@reddit
Tell him you don’t want a dog 🤷🏻♀️
allthingskerri@reddit
Nope. If one of you does not want a dog. Do not get a dog.
thereadingbee@reddit
Foster. show them what its like idk.
ModestEtta@reddit
I love my dog so much and I’m home a lot but I wish I didn’t let my children guilt trip me into getting him. Sometimes the dog is harder than the kids (sometimes it’s the other way around lol). Protect your peace.
twirling_daemon@reddit
Dogs are a 2 yes/1 no situation
Don’t give in to it, the dog and you don’t deserve it. They’re not something you can compromise on, perhaps he can get his canine fix by dog walking or volunteering etc
Dogs are a lot of work, a lot of thought, a lot of compromise, a lot of effort and a lot of money
They’re worth it completely, when that’s what you want. They’re still (or should be!) all those things if they’re not what you want but you’ll find it a damn sight harder to enjoy the joy, love, entertainment etc from them
TheBigYin-1984@reddit
Me and my wife have a dog. It works for us because she has a 9 to 5 and I don't start till 2pm usually. So he isn't left for too long.
Ludosleftnipplering@reddit
I feel this falls into the "two yes, one no" territory. As with all big decisions, if both of you are not on board, it doesn't go ahead. A dog is a big commitment and if both of you aren't fully on board, it's not fair on either of you not the animal.
EatingCoooolo@reddit
We won’t get the dog. Ain’t nobody got time to walk dogs in the dark, rain or cold.
IansGotNothingLeft@reddit
Any pet is a two vote deal in our house. Even fish. If one says no, then it's a no.
nutrition_nomad_@reddit
it’s not selfish to know your limits, a dog is a big daily responsibility and both of you should fully agree before getting one. maybe you can suggest waiting or trying something less demanding first so it feels fair to both of you
whyfruitflies@reddit
My daughter really wanted a dog so when she was 11 we started dog walking via borrow my doggy. We've really enjoyed it but she no longer wants her own. Maybe you could try this once a week?
doepfersdungeon@reddit
Irrelevant of the outcome OP your week trial is a redherring.
Almost all your worries can be mitigated.
Dog size can be chosen, strength, temperament, etc. Trained from puppy and your dog settled in a home often will get rid of major behavioural issues. There are dogs with minimal hair shedding. Some breeds barely need 20 minutes a day, let alone an hr.
As for the 5 days week, I'm not at home thing. That's a key reason to not get one. Just one of the reasons they are a commitment.
sixsik6@reddit
Compromise and get a dog, obviously
Ok_Taro7430@reddit
A compromise could be BorrowMyDoggy? There are people that let other people take their dog out and about so you can get the joy of dogs without the commitment.
Pets are a 2 yes commitment, it isn't fair to thr dog otherwise.
Spottyjamie@reddit
No do not get one
Imagine if you split and you had to keep the dog you never wanted in the first place
FluffiestF0x@reddit
They have shelters for that
Spottyjamie@reddit
But thats a solution to a problem that could have been avoided
FluffiestF0x@reddit
Absolutely
I’d never get a dog
Razzilith@reddit
I don't like dogs and am not comfortable around them. I wouldn't get a dog and if my partner didn't want to understand that about me we wouldn't be together anyway.
Honestly dogs are a bit of work. You should really both want one or its WILDLY unfair to the living animal who will be residing there... be on the same page or do not get one.
ALSO that's a serious talk not just about dogs... you should really be on the same page in general with things like this. if I wanted a snake and knew my partner didn't want one we just wouldn't get one and it wouldn't even be a conversation. That should just be an obvious thing IMO but it's not sounding like that for your situation. FIVE YEARS of constantly asking? How much have you even explained of your hesitation or lack of interest/being against getting one? Or have you avoided telling him for some reason?
Squeak_Stormborn@reddit
Getting a dog to leave on it's own while you bith work full-time isn't fair. Will you be able to come home at lunchtimes or pay for a dog walker or day care? They need regular exercise, stimulation, and socialisation.
Friendly_bluebell@reddit
So i really want a cat, my partner really doesn't. But our compromise is that I will care for the cat entirely. If it was a dog, that would be the same, plus I'd make sure the dog was impeccably trained and never a burden.
I think it would be nice to find a compromise - such as your partner promising to take the dog to training lessons until it is fully trained as well as do all the walks for it -
But at the end of the day, this is your house too, now, so you get the final decision.
There are charities where you can walk a dog on behalf of the elderly and disabled, that might be a good option for your other half.
FluffiestF0x@reddit
The problem is, even if you cared for the dog yourself it’s still going to be loud, make a mess and try to interact with your partner because it doesn’t understand.
Friendly_bluebell@reddit
For sure, it could be all of those things depending on the breed and how it's socialised. I'm an adult now, but I grew up around every type of dog and saw how trained ones were far easier to be around.
My dad hated dogs but even some that we looked after (my mum boards/trains/walks dogs professionally) he liked because they never barked or got in the way (specifically schipperkes).
If the partner absolutely does not want any interaction with the dog, I agree it's in everyones best interests to not have a dog.
Although my mum and dad and my mums friend and her partner have all divorced and the final straw was the lack of being allowed to own a dog lol.
FluffiestF0x@reddit
I’ve yet to come across a dog that doesn’t make a mess and doesn’t try to interact with you. Sure some can be quiet but you’re still going to live a life where everything you own is covered in dog hair and you’ll never be truly clean.
Trained dogs are probably better but you’ve got to simultaneously take out a mortgage and quit your job if you want enough time/money to train it
esmamd@reddit
Depending on where you live, there may be a Guide Dog training school nearby looking for fosterers. You take care of a dog who is in training on evening and weekends, they’re at school between 8am and 6pm during the week!
RobertTheSpruce@reddit
If you asked me this in 2008, the answer would have been "Say no, but then eventually agree to shut her up." then end up being the one who has to walk the untrained mutt twice a day and pick up it's shit because she's a lazy bitch.
So anyway, now she's long been fucked off, the answer would forever be "If you want a dog, that's fine, you can find a new house while you're finding a dog."
InquisitorVawn@reddit
So my relationship is the opposite of yours. I grew up around dogs, I had my own dog as an adult when I lived with my first husband, and I really would love to have another dog now.
However my husband didn't grow up around dogs, and while he doesn't hate them he's also not comfortable with them. And that's all that needs to be said. He doesn't want a dog, so we won't be getting a dog.
Getting a dog is a "Two yes, one no" situation, and I say this as someone who loves dogs. You have a host of good reasons besides just not having grown up with them. It sounds like you would be a very responsible owner for the right dog, given you're already considering things like the dog's mental health if it's left alone all day, how to make sure it's exercised and stimulated, how to make sure it's accounted for if you go on holiday. And yeah, if you think about all of that and decide a dog is far too large a burden on your life, then it's best not to put an innocent animal in that situation.
I do hope your partner listens to your concerns after this week. My concern for you is that if his mum/sister's dog acts like this now, it's indicative of how all the dogs in his life have been (poorly) trained and socialised, and he's going to see this week as "No big deal" and "That's just how dogs are" and keep wanting to push for getting one.
Quiet_Ad_9618@reddit
It’s tough because you’ve got to do what’s right for the dog and if it’s not something you both want it’s not going to work. Leaving it 5 days a week whilst you go to work is, personally, a no for me. I work from home every day so our dog has company and can be left but I wouldn’t get a dog just to leave it at home all the time on its own. Personally that is
Cabintroll@reddit
I'm not at all suggesting you should get a dog if you don't want one but it is worth adopting a dog i.e. not getting a puppy, because you could probably overcome some of those hurdles i.e. you (he) could find:
-a shorter coat or minimal shedding dog -already house trained -if it's not adolescent it's got a higher chance of sleeping thru the night or at least not pissing the bed -if it's a shelter dog you can probably rest easy leaving it at home knowing it would've spent 23 hours alone in kennels as apposed to however long you're out the house . HOWEVER as long as it doesn't have too bad separation anxiety but there's a lot of older dogs that would just chill
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
We wouldn’t get approved to adopt because we don’t have a garden (we do live next to a big park though) and our house is on a busy road. So that straight away means we wouldn’t be able to
Cabintroll@reddit
Ah, that's a shame. I've always found it a bit weird with how UK shelters work, like yes finding the dog the best home possible but the reality for most of them is spending their lives in the same kennel like wouldn't a house/apartment be better
InevitablyPsycho@reddit
I really wanted a dog and my partner was on the fence like you. He didn’t want the responsibility to take care and walk the dog. I adopted one and am fully in charge of everything dog related: feeding, training, walks, vet appointments, dog hotel when we travel
Kamikaze-X@reddit
My partner wanted a cat and I didn't
We compromised and got two instead
Plugged_in_Baby@reddit
I’m the partner that wants a dog. I thought my boyfriend did too (in fact he is the one that grew up with dogs, I was the kid that forever begged her parents who never relented), but whenever I try to bring up the topic of timelines he gets evasive and defensive. At the moment we have a small baby so I understand it’s “not now” and I’m obviously on board with that, but I think in a couple of years we should be ready, and he refuses to even engage in the conversation.
It’s immensely frustrating and probably the biggest point of contention between us, but unfortunately I have no choice but to concede. A dog (well, any pet) has to be a hell yes from both partners or it’s a hell no (and a recipe for disaster).
Opposite_Funny9958@reddit
You’re wanting to get a dog that’s going to be miserable and neglected for 8 or more hours a day, five days a week…..why on earth is your partner wanting to do this? It’s cruel - if you’re not able to physically be there without locking a living creature up for 8 or more hours a day, five days a week then really……..you shouldn’t get one.
Harrry-Otter@reddit
I don’t think I’d live with someone who wanted to get a dog tbh.
FluffiestF0x@reddit
Honestly, they’re filthy and I’d like to actually be able to relax at home.
I work long hours as it is but my god if my partner got a dog I’d do everything in my power to not go home
avocad0-o@reddit
Sign him up to borrowmydoggy. He gets his dog fix, you get your clean and quiet house!
MaxMouseOCX@reddit
Wanting a dog is a logical AND gate, not a logical OR gate - I'm... Going to stop coding and go to bed now.
Dietcokeisgod@reddit
Not get a dog. My partner wants one, I don't. Dogs, like kids, are a 2 yes situation.
Adam-West@reddit
I really really oppose people getting dogs who leave them alone all day. For the first 5 years your dog will be anxious and miserable or else you’ll need to spend a fortune on doggy daycare.
dendrocalamidicus@reddit
I don't care how normalised this is, it is completely unacceptable and unsuitable conditions for a dog. I'll anticipate the replies saying nobody would have a dog if you couldn't have one if you are out for work every day - fine, so be it. Just because it's normal it doesn't mean it's OK.
thinkaboutthegame@reddit
Overcommit yourself financially and then say you can't afford one. It's done the trick for me.
FluffiestF0x@reddit
takes notes
talon1580@reddit
It's like having kids. Dogs are a "two yes, one no" situation. Either you both say yes or no dog.
Get your partner on borrowmydoggy.co.uk so he can get some regular dog time
nra43vr@reddit
For 5 years my wife constantly asked to get a dog. So we compromised and got a dog. I couldn’t imagine life without him. He’s my best friend. And to my wife’s annoyance he’s attached to me.
FluffiestF0x@reddit
I’m glad to hear you’re a dog person.
I’d have moved out
LittleSadRufus@reddit
Same. I wasn't really very interested but we got a dog because my husband said it would really be his and he'd do most of the work. Dog completely bonded to me and barely looks at my husband now
CaterpillarNo5367@reddit
I was in a similar situation, but didn't realise I couldn't hack it until we tried. It was really difficult and I genuinely thought I wanted a dog. My partner had also grown up with dogs.
However we both WFH, so in theory a "better" scenario than yours.
It was a really tough couple months but ultimately we decided to return her to the shelter. She was a great dog, and deserved the best. That's how I knew it wasn't for me, if I couldn't make it work with her. Luckily my partner completely supported my feelings on it, I felt guilty as I knew how much he wanted a dog but he saw the constant state of stress I was in. I had all the concerns you do and some. She was adopted the following weekend, thank god.
It made me really admire people who have dogs, and I still appreciate them from afar!
All that to say we ended up getting a cat a year later. I didn't realise how much of a cat person I was until him. Ironically he's a bit clingy like a dog at times!
No_Masterpiece_3897@reddit
The only thing that matters is
if you both actually truly want a dog,
and if it can realistically fit into your lives in a way that ensures it's properly cared for.
It fails on both counts.
You don't want a dog, and from the way you're writing, I'm getting the distinct impression that you know the dog and its care is going to wind up as your responsibility if you do get one. If anything it sounds like this test has made you even more sure that you do not want a dog
It sounds like your partner wants a dog in the same way a kid does. He's not considering that the poor animal is going to be left alone for the majority of the day,. That situation is unfair on it. Unfair on you who'll have to deal with the results of that, and I dare say it's unfair on your neighbours as well. A lonely dog going stir crazy (because it's been left on its own) barking and howling away day after day, does get a bit tiresome.
A dog is a lot of time, effort, and money if you're not sure.
Who's going to be walking it a 6am each morning, who's going to come home at lunch to walk it if it's a dog that needs a lot of exercise and who is going to do the evening walk? Can you comfortably afford decent food for it , pet insurance and or the vet bills if it's sick. Do you realistically have enough space for a dog long term in the house and outdoors? If you are getting a rescue, there might be issues you weren't expecting or aware of. That is not to put anyone off getting a rescue, it's just something to be aware of. How is it going to look holiday wise? Kennels, finding someone to care for it, a paid dog sitter, finding holidays where you can take a dog along, what is realistic for you?
If both of you aren't sold on the idea, it's a bad idea.
EnvironmentalMine194@reddit
I wanted a dog, my husband didn't. For three to four years I yearned for one. Then one day he started looking at puppies and, lo and behold, we ended up going to look at a Yorkie puppy — not a breed I'd ever considered. I grew up with medium to large dogs and would also have loved to rescue, but unfortunately we have cats, which limits our options with rescues.
Now that we're clearly out of the puppy blues stage, we're both absolutely besotted with our little girl. I was the one who did all the research - training, food, toys, everything - and I ended up training the dog and the husband! (I'm undiagnosed ADHD and fully aware I always need to be in control).
The first six months are the hardest. You'll both question the decision, but those months are crucial. He needs to fully understand what he's letting himself in for - especially if you're already not on the same page.
EnvironmentalMine194@reddit
Also just adding for the mums dog - routine routine routine. Don't just put the food down, use the food as a tool. Reward, play train while using their food allowance.
- Roll their food up in a towel or blanket and let them dig and sniff it open.
I looked after a farm dog for two weeks which was known to run away - guess what, in the two weeks I was watching the dog he ran away once. I also used a clicker for him.
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
He has all the snuffle mats and treat toys and enrichment you could think of. In the house he’s really obedient, knows commands and tricks. As soon as you take him outside he turns into a complete lunatic.
EnvironmentalMine194@reddit
Maybe it's worth not taking him out? As much as everyone says they need their walks - not if their walk is more traumatising than doing different exercises and training sessions at home. Throwing food in the garden gets them sniffing and using their brain. If my dog doesn't feel like going for a walk, I don't make her. I do other stuff with her.
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
Luckily he actually listens to my partner so I’ve said he can walk him for the rest of the week cause I don’t fancy being responsible for him mauling a chihuahua or whatever.
EnvironmentalMine194@reddit
Also have your husband look up ' borrow my dog '. I signed up for it before getting a dog to walk other people's dogs without the responsibility
Clear_Raisin@reddit
make it clear that if he gets a dog, it will be his responsibilty and his responsibility only. youre not willing to part w your money or time for his dog. maybe he will rethink
FluffiestF0x@reddit
Dog owners don’t think like that, neither do dogs.
I’ve said the same I will not feed, walk or clean up after any dog my partner would hypothetically get, but it’s still going to mess up my house, be fucking loud and come up to me all the time.
eaunoway@reddit
Yeah this is one of those "you both agree or it's not happening" kind of things. Same with having kids.
Gornal-Annie6133@reddit
After 35 years of marriage, 3 kids (now grown and fledged the nest), we got a dog. I’m retired so home all day and doggo is not left alone, unless I’m running errands and even then, never for more than an hour or two. They are a huge responsibility, it’s like having another kid to look after. We love our dog to bits but no way could we have accommodated one, whilst both working full time
I’ve worked blooming hard over the last five years of having him, with training and teaching and it takes time and effort to get to a point where they are not reactive, are calm, friendly and well trained.
Recognising commands, recall and general good behaviour, will take up a lot of time and that’s not going to happen if the poor creature is left unattended for 12 hours per day and then again during the night, it’s going to have a lot of pent up energy and you will struggle. I also suspect that you will become the carer of said dog. Don’t do it!
Visual_Cauliflower92@reddit
I stubbornly refused to get a dog for years. Then depression struck me. My partner suggested we finally get that dog to help me.
Best decision we've made. My beautiful Molly has brought so much joy to our lives. She's well behaved and is a very happy doggy. (We got her from Dogs Trust).
So I suggest you get a dog.
FluffiestF0x@reddit
I told them I’m not having a dog and that if she were to get one I would categorically refuse to have anything to do with it
Way too many dog owners get a dog and make it everyone else’s problem
PristineDouble423@reddit
As someone who has bred three litters of puppies and been through the experience of meeting many prospective owners, I can tell you now, we would not be willing to sell a puppy to anyone who worked full time or any couple where one person was not fully on board. And if we only met one half of a couple that would also be a red flag.
Stick to your guns OP
ImColinDentHowzTrix@reddit
Each to their own, but to me that's the end of the conversation right there. Dogs are pack animals, they get lonely and they don't deal with it well.
Pinklady4128@reddit
/r/inthedoghouse exists for these couples
Cheshirecatslave15@reddit
Don't get a dog unless you both want one. They are hard work and you'll end up resenting the dog and your partner
MissMollyMole7@reddit
The end of discussion should be that you both work five days a week… how awful to leave a dog alone all that time. You will likely get all kinds of issues, it really is not fair on the dog or you at all.. you must stand firm and stand by your very responsible and reasonable decision… good luck OP..
IcySetting2024@reddit
I’d Probably consider divorce because I really really don’t want to have pets
cupkake88@reddit
We got 3 cats
Royal_View9815@reddit
My husband didn’t want cats.
leehend_24@reddit
Tell her I already have one
cmpthepirate@reddit
Do not get a dog if you dont want one.
I really wanted one but when he arrived I was woefully unprepared in so so many ways - not least the amount of personal freedom having a best boy/girl removes.
Its been a massive massive change in my life - ultimately for the best - but the first couple of years were really trying and these guys require care and attention most of the time every day.
SpudFire@reddit
Too many people get a dog and say "it'll be fine" if the dog is left alone all day 5 days a week.
It's cruel. The fact the dog doesn't drop dead while they're out doesn't make it fine. The dog being happy to see them when they get home doesn't mean it's been happy all day, it means it needs a wee, wants feeding and finally getting some company after being lonely and unstimulated all day.
You're right to say no for this reason alone. You're not the one being selfish.
alienintheUS@reddit
If he really wants one then you 2 don't sound compatible tbh. I couldn't imagine not having animals around me so couldn't be with someone who didn't want them.
techbear72@reddit
I'd love to get a dog but my husband doesn't want one.
We don't get a dog.
Pets are a two-yes-one-no thing, just like having children, baby names, moving house, etc etc - they are one of those things that are too big of a commitment, and too impactful on your lives, for one person in a partnership to make or force a decision.
LaurenNotABot@reddit
I wanted a dog but my husband didn’t. We waited about 12 years and then we finally got one and even though the puppy phase was damn tough and caused loads of arguments, he loves our dog just as much as I do now and probably talks about him to people more than I do!
Should add that I work from home but husband goes into the office 4 out of 5 days and travels quite a bit so if I wasn’t at home in the day I definitely wouldn’t get a dog, it’s not fair on them.
GoanGeek@reddit
I grew up with dogs but denied my son as we just don't have the space and going on holidays can be an issue with any animal if you don't have some one nice to look after them.
Also they do need a lot of work and become a part of the family almost like a child.
So if you are both not on the same page should be a solid no.
Cococannnon@reddit
My dog is 7, love her dearly, would never ever part with her. But my god it’s a commitment that sometimes I wish I didn’t commit to, it’s almost constant even in her older age. I also work from home, we basically have zero freedom because finding pet care which is both decent and affordable to us is non existent. I wouldn’t get any pets if you’re not there to be with them the majority of the day, including cats.
Far-Abroad-2040@reddit
Tell him to get a job as a dog walker
RoxyK1@reddit
Absolute no if you’re both working full time, very unfair to the dog.
idreaminlowercase@reddit
I would say no. I don’t want any pets. For starters I’m not an animal person and can’t see myself looking after one. Second of all when I was a kid we always had a pet but if we wanted to go away we couldn’t cuz we couldn’t take the pet with us and nobody could look after the pet. A pet is also a long commitment especially a dog and if both of you aren’t fine with the idea then it’s best not to get one.
norfolkandclue@reddit
You don't sound selfish at all. I don't want a dog either so we don't have a dog. Tell your partner that this test has shown you that you aren't on the fence anymore and you are certain you don't want one.
Hopeful_Salad_7464@reddit
It's way more selfish to get a dog you don't want and then subsequently don't look after/support it's needs.
Seems like you know what you want.
Mr-Najaf@reddit
Not get a dog. It's that simple
Wide-Meringue-2717@reddit
That the dog would be alone all day is the number one reason for both of you not getting a dog. It’s not fair to leave a dog alone for hours.
Different-Use-5185@reddit
You shouldn’t get a dog if you don’t want one.
What I will say though is every dog is different. Even if it’s a disaster in this test week it doesn’t mean that the dog you might have will be the same, have the same needs or same training. For example I rescued a 3 year old English bulldog (tri black) in November. He’s fully house trained, sleeps all night and sleeps most of the day. Isn’t fussed about walks and just loves cuddling up on the sofa in the evening. Yes he gets smelly if not groomed every 6-8 weeks but now he’s settled into my routine I can leave him home for 8 hours, he doesn’t follow me around all the time and will do or learn anything for some food. Now I have him, I couldn’t imagine not. However if I wasn’t 100% invested I wouldn’t want the responsibility
Glittering_Echo_7963@reddit
I know a couple in which the person who wanted a dog was thick enough to get one "for their partner AS A PRESENT", despite the partner having always solidly stated they didn't want a dog. They broke up because of the dog. Everything the dog needed became a massive source of resent, needless to say, the way in which the dog came about also demonstrated how selfish the dog-wanting partner was in making such decision.
I don’t want a dog, my husband would have one, he brings it up every 6 months or so. I say we would if we were 70 years old and loaded. Since we're 28 and broke, I'm not clipping my wings for a dog, and he respects that. Imo, your other half shouldn't put a dog over you.
Mattlj92@reddit
My ex partner wanted a dog, I wasn't too fussed. Eight years later and he's not my dog and I've not spoken to her in six years. Turned out I loved the dog more than I liked my ex
supply19@reddit
Our agreement is if I can have a dog, he can have a cat… so far neither of us have made moves to have an animal in the house. It’s a great stale mate because he doesn’t want a needy animal and I don’t want an overlord! 🤣 My mum was dead set against all animals (she’s got 4 kids and didn’t need any more ‘sponsibilities) she finally relented when my brother (22) brought home a chocolate lab. He was in our lives for over a decade… they haven’t sought a replacement cos he was such a good boy!
maersyl@reddit
My cat is the neediest fucker known to man. Can’t go five minutes without demanding a cuddle, the little shit.
I love him.
supply19@reddit
The chocolate lab was like that too. My experience of cats is wildly different to that- definitely kings of the castle vibes (and claws!). Though my husband has been bitten by a dog today so he’s sworn off animals for a while!
x0_Kiss0fDeath@reddit
I am by no means suggesting you need to cave and get a dog, but I do want to point out RE
Don't let his mum's dog set the precedent for what your dog would be like and if I were him, I definitely wouldn't try to pitch having a dog as you described be the "practise" as I'd be put off too.
That being said, it's perfectly okay if you like dogs but don't want to own one. There are ways that you could compromise if you did want to and selecting the right breed for you/your lifestyle is VERY important to a lot of your concerns, but I also don't think you need to cave if you really feel strongly about it. Maybe he could look at volunteering his time with dogs or dogsitting (or walking at weekends) if he needs to scratch the itch of having time with dogs without owning one.
Both of you are valid for your wants/needs, but you can't commit to getting a dog unless you're both fully on board, even if you don't split the responsibilities 50-50.
Hot-Language7974@reddit
Definitely do not get the dog. It may be you’re not compatible long term - it’s not something you can really compromise on. Good for you for knowing how you feel. As someone who loveeees dogs, owning one really is a whole other kettle of fish. I inherited my family dog, and believe me I love him but I didn’t choose to get a dog of my own - and I never will have another. It’s very very hard work and a huge commitment of time, capacity and money all round.
Additional-Let-5684@reddit
You're not compatible maybe, I grew up with dogs and cannot live without one. You could maybe comprise with a different pet like hamster or rat or turtle or something but that would be a risk.
Also training is important, the dogs you're describing don't need to be your dog... shop dont adopt and train a dog that suits your life and mood. Make it clear that he is chiefly responsible and encourage the dog to bond with him over you.
Sorry for being harsh but some comments are simply silly, for me I want kids but that's not a deal-breaker with the right person, not having a dog is. Literally had that conversation with my partner the other day.
Also no I'm not completely crazy haha, but dogs are a core part of my mental and physical health and I feel empty without one in my life
Additional-Let-5684@reddit
The time you work is a bit of a challenge but maybe look into a WFH job if yous can. I can't leave my dog alone for that time but puppy her would be less comfy with that so I'd say a min of a month annual leave for training with the right breed and it'd be fine (no lab but more shit Tzu) don't know if you're from where but in Europe I know a few dog owners who take a month off for early training
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
I’m a SEND teaching assistant and he’s a chef, unfortunately there’s no way either of us could WFH without changing jobs which neither of us want to do
Additional-Let-5684@reddit
Breed makes a difference, my partner's dog is a mut and struggles to be home alone for a day but my dog (shorkie) was trained well from the get go and is completely fine being alone for a working day, it does mean she needs to be a priority once I'm home for a long (hour ISH) walk or good play but she's super accommodating. The training is super important and so is breed. If you do get a dog don't get an active breed and like I said don't adopt and take time off at the beginning. If he puts enough effort into it the dog will be fine with the schedule
elogram@reddit
Both my husband and myself love dogs, a lot. But we will never get one because we are just realistic about the fact that all the things that are required to properly care for the dog are just not something we can commit to. A dog deserves a home where it will be loved and properly taken care of. Do not get a dog. It will lead to you resenting both your partner and the dog.
Moop_the_Loop@reddit
Show him these comments. I ended up taking my daughters unwanted covid pup in. He's 6 now. He gets left 8-3 twice a week which makes me feel bad. I have to get up really early those days to take him on a 5k hill walk and a game of tug to tire him out. Tbf the days I wfh he just sleeps all day anyway but I don't like leaving him. He's hard work and he's very trained. I definitely wouldn't leave any dog 5 days a week. It's mean. Also, a rescue wouldn't let you have one and leaving a pup alone all day would be impossible.
PingvinPanda@reddit
Agree with others' comments re you both needing to be onboard. Good on you for standing your ground.
This is one of those big life decisions that is difficult to compromise on because there's no real meeting in the middle solution. You need to sit down and have an honest and realistic discussion about how much of a dealbreaker it is for each of you - I say that as someone who ended things with a long-term partner because he was honest about never coming round to owning a dog, which was an essential for me and we then fundamentally weren't compatable.
coupepixie@reddit
Some decisions need two yesses;dogs/pets are definitely one of those decisions!
Flaky-Hovercraft8768@reddit
You need to sit down together and have a serious conversation about it to see if you can come to a resolution. Neither have the deciding factor over whether you get one or not so I’m not sure why people saying you saying no should be enough. If you cannot come to an agreed decision then you need to decide whether having/not having one is a dealbreaker for either of you.
EnglishLore@reddit
I think that you are being sensible. Your partner is basing his decision emotionally but you are right, you cannot leave a dog alone all day everyday 5 days a week. My dogs are my life but I wouldn't have got them under those circumstances.
dlt-cntrl@reddit
Reading your post, the dog you are dog sitting is not a great representation of dogs in general so it's not wonder it's putting you off.
That said, if one person does not want a dog, you should not get a dog. They are hard work, a tie, and will consume your life.
I love dogs, my partner loves dogs but has never owned one but wanted one. They struggle with some aspects of having a dog,
You need to have a deep conversation with your partner, discuss your concerns and wishes, and work out a way forward.
Your wishes are just as valid, so don't be guilted into something you don't want. Your partner should also have your interests at heart.
Spicymargx@reddit
It’s not a great representation of all dogs, but it’s certainly not a bad representation of having a puppy, and you have to get it right from that time. If you can’t give a puppy what they need, you’ll get a nightmare dog out of it.
carboncopy404@reddit
Two people with a 9-5 isn’t fair with a dog. Dogs are very social so even if it’s “fine” it’d still be very lonely the majority of its life!
I think a dog it’s definitely a two yes’s decision. I’d use the dog sitting week to tell your partner that it’s solidified it for you that you don’t want to own a dog and he needs to respect your stance on this. Hopefully he does
Nandor1262@reddit
If I get a dog I will be getting a robot hoover first so I can send it round the house once a day to keep ontop of fur and I’ll be making sure we budget for a dog walker to avoid leaving them on their own all day
thewaifandstray@reddit
I think you know the answer already my love and just want some reassurance. Just your luck me and other Redditors are here!
You need to sit down with your partner and explain that it's a no, and he needs to stop pressuring you because you end up saying things that could be a maybe because you feel awkward, even though it's not what you want.
Buy him a tamagotchi 🙈
Good luck OP, and major kudos to you for not getting suckered into a 12+ year commitment that would lead to you and another living creature being pretty miserable.
StereotypicallBarbie@reddit
I have a reactive dog.. she is hard work! Not all dogs are like that though.. and he’s probably on higher alert if his owner is away.
However all dogs can be hard work if you’re not a dog person. They heff walking, can be expensive and need attention and love! You shouldn’t get one if you’re not both fully committed
Prestigious-Slide-73@reddit
Dog was unconditional for me.
I wouldn’t be with someone who wouldn’t have one. I’ve always had dogs and no one could make life feel complete whilst expecting me not to have one.
However, I was explicitly clear about this with my partners and they always understood it was them or the dog and the dog would win.
rynchenzo@reddit
Fur needs cleaning up all the time
Walks needed daily, multiple times if medium sized or larger
Shit to clean up daily
Worming and flea treatment
Vet's bills
Food bills
More shit to clean up
Need someone or somewhere to look after them when you're on holiday
You have to be 100% committed or a dog isn't for you.
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
Couldn’t think of a better way to start my day than by picking up a steaming pile of shit /s
No-Revolution-3159@reddit
Just be honest that you’re sure you don’t want one, but be prepared for the fact that this is a fundamental compatibility issue for some people.
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
This is what I’m scared about. Not sure how I’d feel if he chose a hypothetical dog over me tbh.
Important-Plane-9922@reddit
Don’t get the dog obviously. End of conversation.
lavayuki@reddit
Best not get one. If your partner really wants to interact with dogs, options are providing a dog walking service or offering to walk a neighbours dog or something in their spare time.
Strange-Professor-48@reddit
Don't get a dog, you don't have time to care for one but if your partner is desparate perhaps he could try out Borrowmydog . Com it basically means he could arrange to take out someone nearbys dog for walks without worrying about having it sat at home bored while he works. My friend used to use them as she wasn't allowed a dog in her flat so it was best of both worlds.
mmoonbelly@reddit
Not get a dog.
jmck8688@reddit
I didn’t want a dog. Never had one but my husband had dogs all his childhood.
5 years on our pup is not a pup anymore!
We kinda treated it like a child… plan who was going to watch her for holidays, whilst we were at work etc. We’ve got family who retired during Covid and didn’t want a full time dog so it’s perfect for them!
She’s literally the best thing I’ve known! But that won’t be everyone’s experience.
the-holy-one23@reddit
Get a new partner, not a new dog.
eeyorethechaotic@reddit
Definitely dont get a dog if you're both just going to leave it alone all day. It's just cruelty.
MrMonkeyman79@reddit
Well on the one hand, dogs arent accessories, theyre living creatures you'll need to commit to looking after for the next 12-15 years (depending on breed).
But on the other, this is the sort of thing that can create resentment in a relationship if he's absolutely dead set on having a dog.
You do seem to be basing this on a particularly poorly behaved dog though, and research into breeds might show that there are dogs that would better suit tour household. I'm not saying ignore your doubts and dive into this (see point 1), just that it might be worth a little more research before writing it off.
Strong-Usual6131@reddit
Pets are a two 'yes', one 'no' life decision, in my opinion.
My wife and I fostered my granny's-now-mum's cat for what was meant to be a fortnight but became eight months unexpectedly - I'm so grateful that she agreed because I love the little knob and he would have been miserable otherwise (he's happily back home with my mum now).
Her opinion on owning pets DID NOT change the entire time we looked after him, and I'm definitely not going to put her through that stress again just because I find animals cute.
Hertfordgal@reddit
Put your foot down. You both work full time, not good. We just had a 600 dental bill which is not covered by insurance, so expensive too.
BarSalt970@reddit
Ended up with one, 11 years later its literally the best decision someone has ever made for me. Carried me through several hard, hard times. Including separating with said partner.
That said, it could go the other way and be a burden on you as a dog is a family effort and everyone needs to be 'in on it' unlike with a cat for example.
Gorf1@reddit
You each need to choose what's important, the presence/absence of a dog, vs the partner.
If the dog wins for him, and the absence of the dog wins for you, there's your solution. New partners all round.
I think dogs are better than people, but in this case, I'd say you're in the stronger position: A dog should not be left alone eight hours a day (or whatever). It's not fair on the dog, especially if you lock it in a cage while you're both out.
Asleep-Art-5058@reddit
Don’t get one. You need to both be on the same page or it’s pointless, and definitely not fair on poor doggo 🐶 😕 Instead, make friends with dog owners, sign up to borrow my dog dot com, volunteer to walk them at your local rescue, sign up to pet/house sitting holidays; there are toooonns of useful, part time options. I wish the same could be said for children 😂😂
EyeAware3519@reddit
Get a dog
doc1442@reddit
*do not
H_C_@reddit
Compromise, get half a dog.
BellendBuilder@reddit
Would that be a cat?
H_C_@reddit
No, it's a dc. They cost more than half a dog though so not great value for money. To teach her a lesson I'd get her the rear so she understands the importance of responsibility.
BellendBuilder@reddit
🤣 made me chuckle that pal
External-Praline-451@reddit
It would be really cruel to leave a dog on it's own 5 days a week if you both work full-time. Unless he's planning on paying for daily doggy day care, which is really expensive, he's already proving he'll be an irresponsible owner who just likes the idea of it, instead of the reality. You sound more responsible than him. I'd be wary of any promises to do all the walking and hard work.
Could he just "borrow a doggie" for weekends instead? There's websites for it, or my friend has an imformal arrangement with her neighbour, where she takes their dog for a walk when convenient for both.
PetersMapProject@reddit
If you don't want a dog you shouldn't get one, but for me personally it would be a deal breaker in a relationship - I grew up with dogs and always knew I wanted dogs of my own.
RBisoldandtired@reddit
One thing to remember is if you got your own dog, you could make sure it’s properly trained. Trained to be alone. Trained on the lead properly. Your mum and sister have obviously not bothered with their dog.
However, if you don’t want one and your absolutely adamant that even if it were better trained, then if it’s not a 50/50 agreement your partner is just going to have to accept it and if he respects you he will 🤷🏻♂️ that would include not badgering you constantly about it.
Plane_Ask_6123@reddit
Op has stated that they are out of the house for 12 hours which isn't fair on the dog
RBisoldandtired@reddit
I was talking, obviously, about the obvious separation anxiety that partners mum and sisters dog exhibits.
Ofc being out of the house for that long is horribly unfair on a dog. I’m not saying for them to get a dog. I’m strongly on OPs side that they should under no circumstances get a dog.
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
I’ll cut his mum and sister some slack, he was very well behaved until their mum got ill, he was rehomed to a farm to be a working dog then “failed the training” and was returned to them.
When he was returned it’s like he was a different dog, so we think he was abused on the farm.
He can’t even be in the same room as their other dog because he’ll try and attack him.
I personally think he should have been rehomed again because of all this but they say they love him too much to stress him out again.
RBisoldandtired@reddit
Jfc that’s such a shame on the dog. Obv the dog needs some therapy and training to overcome what’s happened. Not sure it really absolves mum and sister if I’m being brutally honest. In my eyes it makes it worse. Sorry but dogs with behavioural issues like this need special attention. You can’t just “love them better”.
Obv not a typical experience of dog ownership. But still, I think your view and perspective are mature with not wanting one and you just need to say to your partner plainly “no I do not want one and I have not changed my mind.”
ClarifyingMe@reddit
Offer that you foster dogs only. So not only do you help pups get their forever homes, you don't have a permanent commitment.
Objective_Sun5553@reddit
we’re both at work all day 5 days a week so it’d be on its own all day.
Don't get a dog.
it’s the last thing I want
Don't get a dog.
I know I sound selfish
Not at all. You sound like you've thought about it and you know it's not for you. Honestly, your partner is being selfish if he's pushing for this knowing the dog will spend 30% of its life alone and it's really not what you want.
I say this as a dog lover, and my dog is the best thing in my life. It's not for everyone, and if you don't want to (or can't) commit then it's just not fair.
ImmediatePiano6690@reddit
We ended up with 2 dogs...
But in all seriousness it's because I never thought I could because of allergies, but hypoallergenic seemed to work and they've been better than dealing with domestic rats every 3 years ish.
Whiskersmum@reddit
You don’t sound selfish at all. It would be selfish to have a dog stuck in on his own all day 5 days a week.
miklovesrum@reddit
Please don't get a dog (or a cat...) if you're both working 5 days a week. They are social animals and it would be really cruel. And that's also how you get behavioural issues like chewing your stuff.
PossibleAddress1000@reddit
My husband would secretly love to have a dog but he realises it would mean the cats and I would leave home.
Bethlizardbreath@reddit
I have one of my dogs because a couple, one of whom desperately wanted a dog, broke up .
Guess which one of them left the dog behind without a moments thought?!
It was sad, because the person who didn’t want the dog but got “stuck” with him, did love him, it just wasn’t something they’d ever wanted to deal with, let alone alone.
This is purely anecdotal, obviously.
But what would happen OP if you guys broke up and you had the dog full time?
No-Jicama-6523@reddit
I remember there was a deputy head at my school who wanted a dog and somehow everyone knew, eventually she told her husband it’s you or a dog and I’m getting a dog, he stayed. We saw a lot of that dog at school!
SpaceTimeCapsule89@reddit
I like other people's dogs. They come up to me and I give them attention and speak to them but my own dog? Hell no.
We have a child and a cat, a dog sounds like more work than both of them!
CaptainIndividual453@reddit
If your not sure don't get a dog they are a massive commitment, I've got two and sometimes they are harder than the kids, especially puppies that destroy everything, we currently don't have any flooring in the kitchen cause my spaniel decided to chew it. They are hard work, it's something you both need to want, or you will just end up resenting it. X
constipated_coconut@reddit
I wouldn’t get one. Pets and kids aren’t something you can compromise on.
Worldly_Wafer_6635@reddit
Yeah fess up and have the conversation.
It’s like having a child, and if you aren’t committed to it he will end up resenting you for it.
Don’t fall for a “I’ll take the majority of the responsibility” it just won’t work out.
Wait until you are both ready if you ever are.
A dog is the purest love on the planet, you don’t deserve it yet if you are not ready to give it back.
fwdandreverse@reddit
https://www.borrowmydoggy.com/ instead
haggis_catcher-@reddit
Happy wife happy life
ENGLISH_FLAME@reddit
Get a cat
underthe_raydar@reddit
I don't want a dog and my partner does. We don't have a dog and won't get one, it's a two yes situation. As you said, they are so much work, he should understand why you wouldn't want to take all that on for the next decade or more.
Cool_Doubt2152@reddit
I’ve lived with pets all my life, dogs and cats, I love them both like you but I don’t think I’d ever get a dog again. They are a LOT of work, and unless you plan to have someone walk them while you’re at work, they likely won’t get the level of exercise or stimulation that they need every day.
We got a cat to fill the pet void because they are far more independent. She has her cat flap and comes and goes as she pleases during the day, we keep her in at night, she bathes herself, doesn’t destroy the furniture, and when we go on holiday she either goes to a cattery or we have family popping in to keep her food and water topped up and give her some fuss.
If you’re on the fence don’t get one, as you may become resentful if you then don’t enjoy the experience and it’s not really fair on any of you (especially the dog)
Bizznix@reddit
Do what my wife did when I brought home our dog. Go and cry I. The car for 30 minutes (she was suffering with anxiety at the time which didn't help, but she didn't want a dog, didn't want the responsibility and mess) then a week later she wouldn't have to any other way 🤣 not saying that you would be the same but who knows
Educational_Branch_8@reddit
This happened to me. Got a dog to make her happy. He’s an older boy now and I love him so much.
Granted he has never spent that sort of time home alone so it’s an unfair comparison but still, I’m stroking his little ears as we speak.
Flat___________@reddit
Get a Burmese cat or two. They like dogs but take themselves for a poo 😆
HmNotToday1308@reddit
I don't want a pet, period..
I told my kids and husband that if after 3 months anyone of them kept on top of their chores I'd consider it. That was like 4 years ago so not happening.
Dimac99@reddit
Any pet that doesn't live in a cage/bowl/tank/hutch* is a "two yesses, one no" situation. You don't want a dog and that should be the end of it. It's not possible to live with a dog or cat and avoid all responsibility and contact. No matter how much your partner promises they'll do all the work, you'll still have to live with the smell, the noise, the hair/dander, the bills, and you will end up walking and feeding it solo at least occasionally.
*And even then it depends. You want a tarantula, dear? Then I want a divorce.
Pockysocks@reddit
I would insist on proper training. Too many poorly trained dogs with separation anxiety around here. The barking is practically non stop throughout the day.
BrowsingOnMaBreak@reddit
I always wonder how people who work full time manage dogs - the answer usually seems to be neglect, unless they work close enough to home to run over and tend to them in their lunch breaks. But even so it feels cruel to me to leave a dog unattended for 5 hours at a time. So I’m in your camp. You’re being very empathetic to the actual dog’s needs, and he wants it like some accessory. Honestly, this may be a dealbreaker. It’s too much of a lifestyle change to get one if you don’t want it or can’t look after it.
RecentTwo544@reddit
A dog is a responsibility not a luxury good. I'm not accusing your other half of being vain about this and just wanting a dog as an accessory, but your attitude towards this is bang on sensible and in any potential dog's best interests, so if he can't see that you shouldn't be getting one.
My wife also wants a dog, a golden retriever specifically, but given she struggles to take the recycling out if it's much under 20c or there's mild drizzle, and has a seemingly death-inducing allergy to clearing hair out of the shower drain, I can't see how she'd cope with a golden retriever. It would basically be my golden retriever which she gets to play with, and my work means I can't get one, so we aren't.
RainbowPenguin1000@reddit
Working five days a week and leaving a dog home alone all day isn’t fair on the dog. Some dogs cope with this better than others of course but he is prioritising his own feelings over the welfare of the dog.
Stick to your guns and say No.
_Jay-Garage-A-Roo_@reddit
A dog is like a baby. They deserve parents who really want them. It’s a 2 yeses situation.
iffyClyro@reddit
Not get a dog.
Adept_Razzmatazz1145@reddit
Nah don’t do it, if you’re both not on board this will be a disaster. Tell him you’d consider it later in life or something but that it’s not something you’re open to now.
oni_666uk@reddit
Compromise and get a Cat instead.
I have a cat, that thinks its a dog and also have a cat that thinks its a Badger.
Also, indoor cats, are generally fine with being left alone each day for hours at a time, whereas the average dog will get bored and eat your furniture if you leave it alone for most of the day.
Jills89@reddit
5 days a week on its own all day… there’s your answer. It’s a no.
Even if you can get a dog walker, that will quickly become very expensive.
auntie_eggma@reddit
I wouldn't be with someone who didn't want dogs. 🤷🏻♀️
Far-Sir-825@reddit
I wouldn't be with someone who did.
GuybrushFunkwood@reddit
Raise the stakes. Say you’re happy to compromise on getting a dog as long as he doesn’t mind you getting a pet tarantula (if he doesn’t mind tarantulas then obviously say ‘snake’ or ‘crocodile’ or something like that)
MoominMai@reddit
OP you’re not selfish at all, just very realistic and responsible about animal ownership. Your partner is the one that sounds selfish. Leaving a dog alone all day for approx 10 hours or so given you both work FT, seems a horrible life for a dog unless you’re able to pay for doggy day care which x5 wouldn’t be cheap! I agree with you it’s not practical or fair to the dog.
Lenske97@reddit
Shouldn’t get a dog if no one’s home all day with it. The puppy stage will be hard for it not fair. The training and potty situation honestly isn’t difficult if you buy the correct breed. And a poodle for hair. But yea if no one’s home don’t do it
BellendBuilder@reddit
I’m a married man so we are going to compromise like adults and get the dog she wants.
But I’ll get laid.
idontlikemondays321@reddit
It’d be a solid no.
Everybody in the household should agree on getting on having a dog before taking on such a big commitment. Even then, it’d only be fair if somebody is going to be around in the day. Most people don’t really have the time a dog needs.
Repulsive_State_7399@reddit
Absolutely not. I love dogs, like to play with dogs, I'm doggy friends with the neighbours dogs. I am far from a dog hater. But they seem to need a level of care similar to a toddler. One that never actually grows out of being a toddler. Its a massive life changing commitment, or the dog suffers. You are being kind by saying no.
gone-in-a-spark@reddit
He’s right; this week is a test, and you don’t want one. Decision made.
Front_Scholar9757@reddit
If youre both at work 5 days a week, its not really an option (unless you've got enough disposable income for a dog walker/daycare).
Dogs are social animals & shouldn't be left all day. Especially young dogs might develop issues like destructive behaviours.
People always think its ok but its not fair for a dog to spend a majority of its day isolated.
A dog is a decision to not take lightly.
adreddit298@reddit
I told her it would be her responsibility to walk, feed and look after it. Mostly, she's upheld that. Obviously, I don't let it suffer if she can't take it out for whatever reason, but it's her responsibility to make sure everything is arranged.
dinkidoo7693@reddit
If you are both out all day at work do not get a dog
No_Fan6456@reddit
As someone who has two dogs. Do not get one unless you’re both willing to do 50/50 of the work. Our two are now 12 & 13 and the majority of their care has always fallen to me. My husband loves them and is great with them but it’s mainly me who’s picked up after them, walked them, vet visits (also costly). Our golden oldies are very loved and very much part of the family however we’ve both agreed when we lose them we will have a pet break.
whatsername235@reddit
Same as having a kid. It's two yeses or one no. If you're not both fully on board, it's a no.
Your reasoning about being out of the house all day is enough. Dogs need work, company, walking and especially in the early days, time with you.
It's not fair on a living creature to live with people who can't or don't want to care for it.
Stick to your answer and don't back down
AceBobe@reddit
I didn’t particularly want a dog, but my partner did. We now have two dogs. Love the bastards. This isn’t sound advice like you’ll find in the other comments. Especially as we got the first dog a week after moving in together. But much like being lucky enough to marry my wife, sometimes you roll the dice and win
bedders88@reddit
It depends how much of a dealbreaker it is? For me, a dog was a must-have at some point in my life - not when working 5 days in office though - and that was a consideration when dating, because I knew it was important to me.
My mum went her 15 years of married life wanting a dog, and Coco arrived before the divorce came through. So yeah… if they’re not for you, that’s absolutely fine, but I’d say it now and be completely honest.
heyitsed2@reddit
Do not get a dog.
Time_Quail_6795@reddit
Give them half a dog.
Bec21-21@reddit
If you really don’t want a dog, don’t get a dog.
Relationships work best when you want similar things in life. If your partner really sees dogs in his future and you really don’t, perhaps your futures won’t be together.
parkthebus11@reddit
Don't cave, you'll regret it until the dog dies, even if you love the dog.
voluotuousaardvark@reddit
Probably not get one tbh.
Your example of your dogsitting is bad dog handling though- you can train that out.
But that's a lot of hands on consistent training.
Your case, sadly, sounds like its better to give it a miss.
OutlawDan86@reddit
You're not being selfish at all. You've had good insight into what owning a dog entails and it isn't for you. Don't be guilt-tripped into agreeing if you don't want to own a dog. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to own a dog. It does limit what you can do for many reasons, all of which I find unacceptable.
sandshill@reddit
Don't get a dog unless you are both on board it's not fair on the dog and speaking from experience it will drive a wedge in your relationship. It's a bit like having a child, both parties have to be in agreement for it to be a success.
RedsChronicles@reddit
I honestly see getting a pet as taking on a new family member, it's a huge commitment and you both have to be on board. I think your reasons are fair and you should be straight with him about how you feel.
CrackersCloacas@reddit
Me and my husband did this (I wanted one and my husband didn’t) and it was so so hard because honestly he still obviously didn’t want a dog even when we had got one. He wouldn’t walk her, wouldn’t pick up after her, she was beautifully house trained from day 1 (we didn’t even have to try!) and he still resented the poo in the garden! He never bonded with her and it wasn’t fair on her to not have her affections toward him returned. Unfortunately we have rehomed my girl since we’ve had two children and her behaviour (separation anxiety) was just too much to handle in amongst everything else that comes with 2 under 2! She’s with a friend so I get to see her regularly but my heart still hurts and I feel like I’ve failed her (I was raised in a household where pets are family and I don’t give up on them) ☹️
sophRF@reddit
I love dogs, I have a dog, someone is at home every day. But I would never get another, they are wayyyy too much responsibility, especially if you don’t want one in the first place.
But if you’re on the fence about it, the biggest issue is if you’re both out the house 5 days a week, do not get one. It’s completely unfair to the dog.
Weary_Pickle52@reddit
Ended up getting a dog, then 2 more- no regrets, but I was super fussy about the type and breed we got.
Hot_Fly_8684@reddit
Get a dog probably. It can be her dog, that's doable, unless you actually dislike dogs.
FlatsInDagenham@reddit
I would say fuck no.
Head-Instruction-801@reddit
Get a different kind of mammal? I'd say ferret but I've heard the smell can be a bit much
damned-n-doomed@reddit (OP)
Oh god yeah they absolutely reek. I don’t want any pet, I don’t want the commitment nor do I have the patience.
asjonesy99@reddit
I know it’s not guaranteed to happen but my Dad was absolutely dead set against having a dog for the best part of 30+ years of being married.
He is currently lying on the sofa cuddling the dog.
Cearball@reddit
Not get a dog.
Next question
Mammoth-Constant3005@reddit
Get a cat
Eggtastico@reddit
I refuse to put a dog in a kennel for holidays. She wants a dog, I have said fine. No more holidays. We dont have a dog.
Groovy66@reddit
I’ve got a dog and absolutely love having her in my life.
I’d been asking my wife for about 5 years but, like you and your fella, we both worked so it wouldn’t have been fair to leave the dog alone all day.
Since Covid I’ve been working from home full time and my wife has transitioned to WFH for 2-3 days a week. It was this that resulted in me finally getting a dog.
I’d probably speak to your partner from the perspective of it not being fair on the animal leaving it in its own during the day.
OddReference913@reddit
You don’t sound selfish you sound responsible. Don’t get it
cgknight1@reddit
do not get a dog.
Psycho_Splodge@reddit
I'm not living with a dog. If they'd rather live with a dog that's up to them.
poopolisher@reddit
Get 2 dogs
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