How would you proceed with handling stress/burnout in my employment situation?
Posted by Any_Description_6884@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 24 comments
I’m (37f) with a history of anxiety/depression. I was medicated in the past but for around 2/3 years I’ve tried to manage it myself and it had been working pretty well.
Apologies if this isn’t in the right sub, I just thought the UK context might be relevant as it relates to employment.
I’m under an immense amount of pressure at work (public sector), I manage a service and a small team of direct reports. Our department has undergone a complete shake up, and for the past six months everyone’s workload has exploded due to a bunch of new initiatives we are trying to deliver at pace.
As a result, upper management have very little time to give to their direct reports, so support has almost disappeared while workloads are still increasing. I have not had a one to one to discuss my workload or progress since I took on two direct reports 6 months ago despite being a first time manager…I have tried to arrange these but they get passed over every time for something more urgent that crops up.
I find myself struggling more and more each week, I feel completely overwhelmed with the amount of projects I am leading, and that I’ve lost the vision of what I am trying to achieve because I can’t see the wood for the trees. I am not sleeping properly, and when I dream it is usually about work.
It’s starting to affect my personal life in that I’m finding it hard to find the patience to help out as much with my stepson on the days and evenings that we have him, because if he is being challenging I can’t find the strength to help parent…and I don’t want to go down the path of least resistance if he kicks off about something, because he is six and that’s what they do sometimes!
I suffer from diverticular disease and my biggest trigger is stress, plus I am starting to feel the de-realisation brain foggy feelings that I would in times of depression and I am terrified.
I have an appointment arranged with a mental health service on Friday, until that time how would you proceed?
I am worried about going off sick and making things harder for my already overworked colleagues, but I can’t see things getting any easier.
Thank you for any advice.
Pixuh@reddit
I'm going through similar at the moment. I started a new job 6 months ago and so far it's been pretty awful and has really knocked me back. I was also on medication years ago and stopped to manage it myself but have recently started again as it was starting to become too much.
I hope your appointment on Friday provides some help. If you can take some sick leave it might give you space to breathe and gather your thoughts.
WGD23@reddit
Call in sick for a week or two, depending on how big a hero you are. Treat may as essentially part as there's two bank holidays, and you can oad out weekend with annual leave. In the meantime, make it formal and ask for occupational health assessment/support.
If you're any good they might not like it but OH can protect you, as much as be used by them
Any_Description_6884@reddit (OP)
Thank you, that’s really good practical advice
watchingonsidelines@reddit
I would do two things,
2 take the time off stress leave.
Any_Description_6884@reddit (OP)
Thank you. I think I will let my manager know tomorrow that I need to be off until my appointment on Friday
Miss-Diagnosis@reddit
Firstly, you absolutely should not worry about needing to go on sick leave. It’s really hard to do, but sometimes you must think of yourself and what’s best for you, keep telling yourself that. I genuinely believe a period of sickness absence can be a good reset.
Secondly, you need to air all these grievances in writing to someone senior (HR Manager, Divisional Director etc). Even if nothing is done at all, you’ve appropriately documented your concerns and that is crucial.
Lastly, seems like a dramatic suggestion but look for a new job. In my personal experience all of these things were lifesaving and when I eventually went into a new role, I finally found some peace.
It’s great you’re seeking MH help too. Put yourself first for once, ask yourself what do I need? And then do it. Good luck.
Any_Description_6884@reddit (OP)
Thank you for this supportive message. It is hard to do isn’t it, but these responses have given me a sense of validation for feeling the way that I do.
Maleficent-Fun-6744@reddit
So sorry to hear how you’re feeling, I’m a woman in my 30s working in the public sector and I know how stressful it can be. I also have anxiety and depression and I know it’s hard but you have to treat your mental health as you would your physical health. You sound like you are really on the brink of a breakdown, so the sooner you go off sick the better. Don’t go in work tomorrow, and request a fit note at your appointment on Friday. Be open with your manager about why you’re off, sometimes these sorts of things have to happen for any meaningful change to come about. I understand feeling bad for your colleagues but some of them may even follow suit and your senior colleagues will have to take notice. You have to take care of yourself, if you keep on pushing you’ll be off sick for even longer which isn’t good for anyone. Sending love, things will get better now you’ve asked for help x
Any_Description_6884@reddit (OP)
Thank you, I teared up a bit reading this - I think you might be right about breakdown and your reply was a bit of a reality check. It’s ok to admit you are struggling and I appreciate your kind words x
CoffeeandaTwix@reddit
Simplify it:
You are struggling to cope with the way things are going so your choices are:
1) Do less and accept that it's as much as you can do within reason
2) Decide that the job doesn't fit in with your life and seek something else
3) Decide that the job is temporarily too much and seek some sick leave.
Often, more stress comes from within because we set our own standards and are stressed at meeting those. I was always of that mindset and then more recently, I realised that others were taking liberties with what I was prepared to do for no extra benefit to myself and I reset the standard. Basically being asked to do extra work involving extra international travel, giving up weekends etc. when dealing with a lot of personal stress including death in the family and spouse with a brain tumour. I just put my foot down and said that my weekends are off limits, I'm not a shareholder, I'm not getting a promotion or extra pay - ask someone who has already received the promotion I was refused to do it. After doing that, I got rid of that stress; I didn't care so much that I rubbed someone the wrong way because I wasn't going to get anything off them anyway.
In your situation, you can stress that you feel that you should do more but require help that isn't available... Well that isn't your problem - you've asked and it has been rearranged or cancelled last minute. You can only do what you can with the parameters you have to deal with. If the environment and your temperament precludes you from taking that stance comfortably then maybe it isn't the environment for you and you should seek pastures new that will allow you to feel good.
Any_Description_6884@reddit (OP)
Thank you, I appreciate the advice. It’s definitely making me consider whether I’m cut out for this, and I have to remind myself it’s Ok to admit defeat - the circumstances have not been ideal or allowed me to thrive like I wanted.
InsurancePurple4630@reddit
There’s are saying from my motherland
'i can't come and kill myself ' and 'it's not my father's company '
Any_Description_6884@reddit (OP)
Thank you
TurkishSte@reddit
So I’ll tell you a story. I managed a centre privately for a charity, still in the industry I work in so I loved it, until stress bit me when I wasn’t expecting it. I got told time and again I was indispensable, until I handed my notice in and I wasn’t. I then started working for public sector. I really struggled with the change and culture…I had worked for them before so I knew it was bad. But not this bad. 14 years hollowed out will do that. I’ve had a few days off and my manager is a micro manager from hell and he started flexing with little things to sort of warn me about sickness. Just a few days for childcare issues or feeling unwell there. Literally nothing major…..anyway my grandfather got taken ill to hospital, within the same hour of that my car broke down and I was informed I had a leak under neath the house…..when I contacted work for support…..”work may give you a distraction”…..I phoned in sick and have been off a month now. You see we are entitled to be off if we are unwell or sick. I’ve had to be off to look after family while dealing with stress. Work is now one less thing I can worry about. Use sickness as a reset and then email. I stress EMAIL. With your grievances to the seniors, pull out your contract and see what your job actual entails and then send it. Once a paper trail has started they will need to act. You have the right to pay for the job your employed for nothing more nothing less…..long one that. Apologies
Any_Description_6884@reddit (OP)
Sorry you are struggling too, I hope you feel better soon and that things get easier. I appreciate your take and reminder of how important it is to document everything properly!
290Richy@reddit
I used to worry about my workload now I take a leaf out of Ricky Gervais' book.
"Don't worry about stuff in life because soon we'll all be dead and everything will be forgotten."
It's morbid but true.
If my manager is unhappy about my pace of completing work they can always hire an additional person.
They get more than what my salary's worth out of me. I ain't stressing or losing sleep over it.
Any_Description_6884@reddit (OP)
Thank you. I genuinely care too, that is what makes this difficult as I’m sure you understand. I hate the idea of failing what I am trying to do, but I may well end up doing that anyway unless I take some time…
BoysenberryTiny8138@reddit
The moment you start going “fuck it” I’m doing me and stop caring about what others do / think will be the best day of your life
Fair_Condition_1460@reddit
This is the only answer you need.
Your employer has created a shitshow. Why should you care? The support you've asked for has not been given. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
You're entitled to sick leave which is something you can exercise, given that you are sick.
Now ignore my 2c and see above 👆
Any_Description_6884@reddit (OP)
Agree with everything you’ve said. Thank you, perhaps at least until I’ve been seen on Friday.
Active-Strawberry-37@reddit
Agreed. I worked in a similar job and the turning point was a few years in when I decided I was just going to do what I could and not worry about any of it.
Perversly, my bosses actually noticed an improvement.
Any_Description_6884@reddit (OP)
Yeah - I know there’s a lot to be said for that approach, I did try to adopt that mindset but I couldn’t keep it up!
Any_Description_6884@reddit (OP)
This made me smile, nice one!
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