Do many women work full time after having a baby?

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atomic_mermaid@reddit

Lots of people do this weird thing where they tot up the cost of childcare against the mothers salary alone, instead of adding it as a household expense to be paid for from the family budget. If it's still not affordable then, that's when you have mutual discussions on costs/budget/what to keep/what to ditch.

If I thought of most payments as directly against my salary I'd probably think it's a fucking massive chunk of it I'd rather not pay, but you don't decide to not pay your rent or gas/electric just cause it costs a lot. You look for how to balance the books.

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Vehlin@reddit

That’s not really a weird thing because it’s not like you can choose not to pay your rent by not going back to work. Going to work and having to pay for childcare as a result just means you’re working for free a lot of the time. You might as well spend that time with your child.

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

It is weird because it’s viewed as if the children are only the mother’s responsibility or her ‘hobby’.

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GeordieJumper@reddit

Or just look at the lowest salary and compare against that. That's what we did.

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

Why?

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GeordieJumper@reddit

Because the person with the lowest salary is bringing in the least amount of money to the home?

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

But childcare is a household expense, not one person’s hobby or ‘fun money’!

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GeordieJumper@reddit

Thats my point. I think we're agreeing with each other.

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pineappleshampoo@reddit

This is a massive bugbear of mine I will happily point out every single time.

‘It’s not worth me working by the time we’ve paid for childcare’

‘Why is childcare coming just from your salary? Why isn’t the father paying half too?’

blank stare

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Mundo7@reddit

that’s not what’s being said -mtheyre comparing the cost of the childcare against one persons wage.

jesus Christ the bias on this post

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

Not ‘one person’s’ wage. The mother’s wage. Every time and only hers.

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Mundo7@reddit

EVERY time, right, this whole comments section is just “why is it always women”…and it’s generally because men earn more at that point so it’s more justified to post the woman’s salary. It’s literally in the facts but everyone is taking such a biased view about it

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

That’s not why, and it’s all tied together anyway, why do you think men tend to be higher earners? A clue, they aren’t cleverer or more talented or harder working.

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Mundo7@reddit

There you go assuming I said they are cleverer or more talented or harder working, which I never once have.

why do you think they are higher earners?

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

I don’t think, it’s evidence based. The earnings gap mostly starts when couples start trying for babies. It’s a motherhood pay gap. Although it’s not just that, a third of male managers admit to being reluctant to hire or promote women of childbearing age, and those are just the ones prepared to admit it the reality is much higher.

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Mundo7@reddit

Of course it’s evidence based, I was asking why you think it is?

what do you want the hiring managers to do though - if you know you’re going to put training and money into a person who is likely to then leave for a year, is that going to be a sensible use of your resources?

im not saying it’s right, but think of it from a business perspective

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

Discrimination is not an acceptable cost saving method

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zCoxxy@reddit

Is that not normally said? If my partner earned more than me as a man, and after childcare my salary works out 0£ or a couple pounds an hour, I’d definitely stay at home! Surely if either of the partner earns barely nothing after childcare they should stay at home? Unless you work for a hobby and want your child in care 9-5.

I don’t work for a hobby and I’d rather my child be brought up by a parent.

We have a 6 month old and my partner wants to stay at home and be a full time mum we’re 26, after childcare and commute she would be working for barely anything. Surely that makes no sense? If it was other way round I’d do the same in a heartbeat

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TyrannosauraRegina@reddit

Surely if either of the partner earns barely nothing after childcare they should stay at home?

Possibly but not necessarily. It's easy to consider earnings right when a baby is born against childcare costs, but it should be considered a bit more in depth than that:

Assuming you may stay home until your child is starting school, there's a loss in earnings in terms of promotions you could receive in that time
There's also potentially a loss in earnings in terms of deskilling (either actually, or in the eyes of potential interviewers) which means you re-enter the workforce at a lower entry point than you left
There's also a social consideration, in that in many couples the stay at home parent can end up the "default parent" with the mental load for the house and kid(s), automatic fallback for pick up/drop off/illness etc, well after returning to work.

Childcare costs are also highest for a baby, with reduced costs from 3 years, and reduced costs if both parents are working (in England) from 9 months). So the painful period is a few months to a few years, but many will struggle to return to work at that point and miss out on several years of career progression in return.

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RiskyBiscuits150@reddit

All of this, plus the loss of pension contributions for the stay at home parent, so they're losing out down the line as well.

I am a mum to two, currently on mat leave but I returned full time after having my first and will return full time after this one as well. The only way I could drop hours would be if I were being paid more overall and the pro rata ended up the same or higher than my current salary. I couldn't take the hit to my salary now, but I'd also be worried about future earnings once they're at school and about my pension. I don't ever want to be completely financially dependent on my husband.

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Extra_Shirt5843@reddit

This is huge and something people rarely consider.

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

No it’s definitely not normally said. The cost of childcare is very commonly discussed as a proportion of the mother’s income, almost never as a proportion of the father’s to determine whether it’s worth him having a job.

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zCoxxy@reddit

Hmmm I dunno in my opinion it’s pretty stupid to work for 1/2£ an hour after childcare costs if your partner earns enough where an extra tenner a day don’t make a difference, no matter your gender

I’d feel like an idiot dropping my child off all day and paying my days wage then driving to work.

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

But you’re a man, so this is all theoretical for you. And you won’t have the same expectations and demands on you as a parent that a woman does.

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zCoxxy@reddit

I’m a man so it’s hypothetical for me? I’m in this exact situation you was talking about lol, but we actually have a a good relationship as a team? I’d feel like a tit dropping my baby off handing a days wages over then doing a day at work, id rather be full time parent than work a shitty job for litteraly 0 pounds.

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

But you see we're right back to the original point, which is why are you acting like childcare is only paid from the mother's salary?

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zCoxxy@reddit

Huhhh? I never said that I said the opposite! If I earned nothing after childcare I’d stay at home no problem if my wife could support us, makes no sense for the child or me to not look after full time.

If any bloke out there makes his wife stay at home who earns more than him or if they have childcare he works for Penny’s an hour he’s an idiot.

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

If I earned nothing after childcare

Childcare isn't just one parent's expense!

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_cant_relate_@reddit

He’s not going to get it

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zCoxxy@reddit

I know, but sometimes you got to put a little logic into it and say for example if I give up work to raise our child full time we lose 70k if you do we lose out on 30k. Surely it’s a no brainer whatever the genders are?

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

You're really missing the point here

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zCoxxy@reddit

Maybe I am, hey ho at the end of day be a family unit and work out what’ll be best for your children that pretty much only thing that matters.

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bills6693@reddit

My own suspicion would be it’s often framed that way because there’s a decision point that has to be made for the mothers return to work, whereas the father tends to keep working by default.

That’s not to say it’s right at all. But there comes a point where as a family you have to decide what mum is going to do about returning to work. And employers will often be asking about your plans too (this was our experience at least). So that seed of ‘what should mum work and how does that compare to childcare’ has been planted.

Logically it should be considered as a family, thinking about both wages, and with all the factors eg pensions and earning potential taken into account but the path of least resistance is to just compare the mum’s potential salary on returning to childcare costs so many do that.

It is also not just a financial decision. My wife went back 1 day less even though she earns a little more than me and our childcare (subsidised through my job) is much cheaper than she’d earn (and I have no ability to go part time) so financially it didn’t make sense. But she wanted to have an extra day at home with our child, wanted to slow her career progression a bit to settle back into it easier, and we could afford the financial hit. Just adding that to balance out the more financial side of things around returning to work - I had approached it through a finance perspective but of course there’s more to it!

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Pocket_Aces1@reddit

Good bot

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atomic_mermaid@reddit

Yes but mum alone isn't paying that, and so many people act like she is. Viewing it back as a household expense rather than mum's responsibility is the more equitable way.

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Vehlin@reddit

It’s a household income vs household expense issue. I would always suggest whichever parent is on the lower income take the career break.

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crankyandhangry@reddit

That makes sense from a figures perspective. However, the vast majority of the time, that means the woman staying home, as women are more likely to be the lower earner (both because of the gender pay gap, and because more women are in relationships with older men who are further along in their career). This means she takes time off work and falls even further behind in her vareer, so when the next baby comes along, it's a no-brainer that she takes the time off again and this compounds the issue. Again, from a short-term maths perspective, it makes financial sense, but the burden falls disproportionately on women.

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Infamous-Error9987@reddit

I like your take on this. Pretty much my whole wage went on childcare at one point. Then the government allowed 30 hours free back then and it saved me. My ex partner viewed his income as his and because I chose to work he said I should to do everything in the house too.

So I shopped, did all pick ups/drop offs, cooked, cleaned (to perfection as he wouldn't live in a messy house because i chose to work) all baths and bedtimes. Some days I wouldn't sit until 9pm. He got to relax and play xbox as he'd been at work all day. Baring in mind my job can be physically demanding too. I put up and shut up, while building my career. When I finally got a promotion I left the lazy horrible man.

Children are still viewed as a woman's job by some men/society. I hope its changing. It definitely should be a household bill and team effort. When people just look at the womans wage they forget about the years worth of career damage it can do for a woman.

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Millionth-throw-away@reddit

Are women not allowed to be adults in their own right after having a child? Going to work isnt just about earning, its about the opportunity to be without your child for part of the week. To enjoy adult conversation, a hot drink, a meal in peace, and maybe visiting the toilet on your own too!

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condosovarios@reddit

Yeah this is exactly it. Working full time with not much to show for it at the end of the month, all while not seeing your child at important milestones.

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

Why does nobody worry about dad’s missing out on milestones by having a job.

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condosovarios@reddit

My comment wasn't specifically about mothers or fathers. It often doesn't feel worthwhile for the lower earner regardless of sex.

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

You say that, but its not the reality. The reality is highly highly gendered.

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condosovarios@reddit

I would say it's a consequence of one sex bearing the brunt of reproduction rather than gender.

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

There are two things a woman can do that a man can't, give birth and breastfeed. Both of those are usually done with by the time the child is 6-12 months old yet equality never kicks in somehow.

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unounouno_dos_cuatro@reddit

Past the breastfeeding stage there is zero reason for that brunt needing to fall on women

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shanster23@reddit

I always read it more as if childcare costs are equal to one parents (doesn't matter if it's the mums or dads, whoever is lowest) whole salary then what's the point? Why are both parents working full time, but only receiving one income into the household, and having to have someone else parent their child.

Some parents (arguably yes it will be mums more than dad's) would rather take the hit in the early years to raise the child themselves. To be present and to manage the household, rather than both parents being burnt out doing full time hours then doing everything else at night/weekends. (I take my hat off to single parents, they really do do it all.)

(yes I'm aware there are drawbacks such as lack of pension payments, that's a seperate issue though I think)

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

Working parents still raise their own kids.

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shanster23@reddit

I wasn't trying to say that they don't. I meant the guilt that some people (rightly or wrongly) feel about having to leave them in someone else's care for large amounts of time.

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

Should dads feel guilty for working full time? Or just mums?

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shanster23@reddit

A lot of dads do, yes. Plenty of dads feel like they're missing out. I see it all the time in their comments in parenting subs. That's the point I've been trying to make when I use "parents" and not "mums" in my comments. I think it's becoming more normalised as well for mums to be breadwinner and dads to be able to stay at home which is great as it gives both parents the option to do what they want.

I think plenty of parents regardless of gender would enjoy more time with their kids if it was financially feasible. It's absolutely fine to want to work because you enjoy it, and it certainly sets a good example for your kids to see, but it sucks if you feel forced into it simply for financial reasons.

Idk, maybe it changes as they get older and more independent and are in school? My kids are 11 months and 3 years, and the mums I know have kids in roughly the same age range. So it just feels like they grow and learn a lot in a very short amount of time and I feel very fortunate to be able to work very part time hours at the moment and not miss their milestones.

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runrunrudolf@reddit

I work full time after each of my mat leaves. I make double what my husband does per hour so it makes sense that he works part time. I don't understand why any couple wouldn't do that if the woman earns more.

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_annahay@reddit

I earned double what my husband made when I got pregnant, but I only went back part time. Since then he’s changed jobs and earns a bit more, but I’d still earn significantly more if I was full time. I was running so close to burnout and I’m much happier and healthier now. I don’t think I’ll go back to full time if we can afford it, but I could pick up supply work if we got really stuck.

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TyrannosauraRegina@reddit

Yes, similarly trying to work out how the mother can flex her hours to do every pickup/drop off/illness/ doctor's appointment, not trying to share.

I know a few couples where does drop offs and works 10-6, the other does pick ups and works 8-4. Or some where childcare is more unaffordable, where both do full time over 4 days with a different non-working day, so they're only trying to afford 3 days of childcare on 2 full time salaries.

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RiskyBiscuits150@reddit

Flexible working can help a lot. My husband and I both work a condensed fortnight so we have alternate Fridays off, and we then only need four days of childcare. It helps financially and it's lovely to both have that one on one time.

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mad_saffer@reddit

I had both my children in another country and had a support network of grandparents and aunts and uncles to help. I went back to work part time when my oldest was 4 weeks old as I did not have maternity cover.

Second child was better and had 6 months mat leave, but moving to the UK was crazy!!! Child care costs are sooo expensive and as an immigrant we had no access to tax benefits or holiday vouchers so I went back to work full time and my full time salary paid for child care only.

We both have to work full time to afford a roof over our heads and food on the table. A single salary would never cover it.

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steppenshewolf07@reddit

I went back to work full time when LO was 10 mo. Both me and my partner work full time different shifts. First, it was difficult emotionally. I wasn't ready to go back and stay away from him 4-6 hours a day. Exclusively breastfed too. We also have no support no village no family around. We cook at home and we clean the house ourselves. It's a non stop job. I love my son he is my heart but it's not easy. WFH 2-3 days a week helps. The most taxing thing is having little to no time to myself....I kind of lost a sense of self and not sure who I am now ...what do I like. Always tired as baby never slept through the night.

But we have 30 hours a week free and tax free childcare which makes it affordable.

He is 15 months now and very happy at nursery. Loves the staff and learns new things, so in a better place. The beginning was difficult...

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SquareBondageDuck@reddit

Yes, but it depends on the support you have. With my son, he was in childcare from 3 months old. With my daughter - my mum has provided childcare. I now have mum in an annex, I let her out for 8 hours a day and lock her back in it at night. I’m half joking….

The cost of a larger mortgage to afford the annex was better than the extortionate childcare costs.

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darkbluecat_@reddit

This whole conversation is very depressing. I didn’t realise I was in AskUK- everything reads like America stay at home moms 😭

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Peas_are_green@reddit

Three children, aged 2, 5 and 7. Work full time as a teacher. Kids do nursery, school and wrap around care. It’s hard but doable. I feel like I wouldn’t be able to afford to work part time, both in the present and because of the future pension implications.

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x-ThatGirl-x@reddit

My child is nearly 5 and I haven’t started working yet. That being said I’ve never worked however I just want to soak up their childhood 🥰

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HideousTits@reddit

As far as childcare is concerned there are 30 free nursery hours per week for children from 9 months old which are available to all.

So actually that should make things pretty straight forward for you.

I don’t think many mothers can afford to not work full-time tbh.

Don’t listen to people trying to tell you not to bother or that it isn’t worth it. It is both possible and financially beneficial.

Hope you’re enjoying the madness!

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Plus-Ambassador-9668@reddit

Not all of the UK has the 30 hours from 9m, just to point out for OP

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HideousTits@reddit

I’m pretty sure that UK legislation covers the entirety of the UK?

Which parts of the UK are not eligible for 30hrs childcare?

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Gugeldn21@reddit

In NI we only get 15% off the total childcare bill (which has only came in the last couple of years) and we can also use the 20% tax free childcare. We get zero ‘free hours’ unfortunately.

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Prior-Beach-3311@reddit

From what I recall reading, Wales was given equal funding but were able to slend it how they felt best within childcare. So Welsh government focused on fringing all childcare up to standard and rolling out the 12 1/2 free hours for over 2s beyond flying start areas initially

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Recent-Detective-247@reddit

Nope you’re wrong.

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Ddraig20@reddit

Wales. Im Welsh and as far Im aware 30 hours from when they are 3 or 4 years old

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OutdoorApplause@reddit

Scotland and Wales for sure. I'm not sure about NI.

They only get 30 hours from 3 years old.

Also 30 hours is term time only, if you don't work term time only (like the majority of people) it's ~22 hours a week, so not full time.

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Plus-Ambassador-9668@reddit

I am in Scotland and my child has just become eligible for 30h funding this month, after turning 3 in March. There are additional funded hours from aged 2 for children meeting certain criteria

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PersonalityTough6148@reddit

The 30 "free" hours sound great but trying to find a nursery that offers them, plus the additional costs which nurseries aren't really supposed to add but have to so they financially survive is the reality. Then add on that the "free" hours are term time only you quickly realise the maths doesn't add up.

Full time hours = 37 a week "Free" childcare hours = 30 a week TERM TIME only

Some nurseries let you stretch the hours over the year which = 21.92 hours a week. This is leaves you minimum 15 hours a week short on "free" childcare and that's if you can start work immediately after drop off and work until pick up which is obviously impossible.

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_annahay@reddit

Plus nursery hours don’t always match up with working hours. We both start early and have a commute so can’t make nursery work without extra help anyway.

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AncientImprovement56@reddit

Plus the bit that really catches some people out - it's not really from age 9 months

Rather, it's from the start of the term after they turn 9 moths. Because of this, I'd estimate at least 1/3 of children don't become eligible until sometime after the end of their mother's maternity leave - and almost none are at the point that the paid part of maternity leave ends.

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ConferenceSmart9231@reddit

It's the term after they turn 9 months BUT also the term after you return to work. So if you take the full 12 months mat leave, you don't get funding until the term after you return. Said by person just returning and facing a painful summer before funding kicks in in September

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Regular_Energy5215@reddit

Don’t do what I did and have a baby on 1st July…he wasn’t eligible for free childcare until he was 14 months old

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vandaleyes89@reddit

I had mine two days late on September 2nd. That two days is going to be very expensive because that delays started school by an entire year.

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bobaboo42@reddit

Plus each day at nursery is classed as 10 hours so it's only 3 days covered in term time, which you only get if household income is below 100k too.

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clovenheart1066@reddit

This!! And because of the short fall in costs, the nurseries stick extra funds in.

As we left nursery in July 2025, a full month, 5 days a week - they didnt do half days if you had 30 hour allowance, added food top uo because he could have 3 meals plus snacks, with the 30 hours rounded to cover the full year, was costing us about £1050

If i wanted a term time option, as i work term time, it was only 9-3. I work 8:30-4:00. I asked if i could pay the difference, they said no. So no one actually working a term time job, could use those hours.

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ndzl@reddit

You know you need to live in England for those free hours?

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littleboo2theboo@reddit

Not available to me as my husband earns too much money. Not as sweet as it sounds though. I only earn about 30k so it will eat up all my earnings

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Millionth-throw-away@reddit

They're not free. And its not 30hrs either.

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Woollen53@reddit

Also since OP is getting universal credit they might be eligible for getting 85% childcare costs reimbursed. If so, you are able to use these for any OFSTED registered childcare, including a nanny that can collect from school, work from your home and can work overnight.

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clovenheart1066@reddit

Just remember you cant use the tax free and the 85% reimbursement. They'll find out... probably.

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Woollen53@reddit

Yes that's true! You can combine the 30 free hours in a childcare setting with the 85% reimbursement.

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SnooPuppers000@reddit

Full time work is just about manageable when there’s nursery 07.30-18.30. It’s school that’s terrifying me, there’s breakfast club but reception aren’t allowed at after school club so pick up at 3, wtf. No idea.

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faroffland@reddit

Very few women.

If you want stats, fewer than 1/5 women return to full time work in the first 3 years after maternity leave. 5 years after childbirth, the number of women working full time drops to just 15%.

This isn’t because women don’t want to work but because the burden of children still falls significantly on women - both biologically and socially. 98% of women want to return full time and 75% of mothers are in some form of work - showing mothers DO want to work. But ultimately things like breastfeeding, school pickups/drop offs, being a single parent etc etc skew heavily towards women being the ‘main parent’ and therefore not being able to work.

This issue starts during pregnancy and even during trying to conceive. Women effectively put their careers ‘on hold’ whilst trying for a baby, which has an average of 1 year. Then 9 months for pregnancy. Then up to a year postpartum for maternity leave/recover. Then a gap between pregnancies if you want multiples - then the cycle starts again. So realistically women’s careers can stall for YEARS. Compared to men’s careers where conceiving has no impact on their careers at all.

Due to this and other factors, men therefore often out-earn their partners by the time the pregnancies are finished. It’s the a ‘no brainer’ that the person earning less goes back to work part time. It therefore skews heavily towards women only working part time and picking up childcare responsibilities.

This is a large part of what people mean when they talk about the ‘gender gap’. On paper and in individual relationships it seems fair and like an obvious choice - but pregnancy and having a baby greatly affects women’s careers/jobs in ways that men are not affected.

I believe this is a large reason why a lot of women are choosing not to have children. They are expected to sacrifice careers for pregnancies in a way men are not, and ultimately more and more women are saying ‘fuck that’s

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telamalin@reddit

These issues are still prevalent but it looks like there are some positive movements in mothers working full time in the stats which is good.

Is that actually good? The US, after all, has even higher stats for full time working mums. It's 55% of women with under 5s.

I think mums don't actually want to return to work that soon after having kids, but there's no paid maternity leave so they're forced to. Working full time doesn't mean equality at home, either; many of these women are also still doing more of the childcare and housework!

Women should absolutely return to full time work if they want to - but we need to be sure that they do. The bald statisitics would suggest we could do that by cutting maternity leave, but I don't think anyone would be cheering that!

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faroffland@reddit

It’s bad because other studies have shown that women would prefer to work full time - but they can’t because of the burden of childcare. The fact that employment stats are extremely skewed between fathers vs mothers also supports this.

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Unseasonal_Jacket@reddit

I don't doubt the data you present or the macro picture of women mostly being the ones to go part time. But as a dad who did it while my wife works full time I'm slightly intrigued by the language and tone you have chosen. It's the best thing to ever happen to me! Having the option to work part time and even to go full stay at home dad for several yeas has been an enormous privilege. On that (unless I'm in raging hump) I'm always very thankful to be able to do.

Yes I know I have tanked my career and stifled my pension, but overall it's probably financially worked out better for the household.

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faroffland@reddit

I’m on maternity leave at the moment and I also love it. But the point isn’t that you or I as individuals love it. It’s the fact that women overwhelmingly don’t get a choice.

The fact is that as a woman, your career stalls for on average years to have one child. The result of is that on average your career is going to end up less well paid/less senior than your male counterpart. And the result of THAT is that because you are far more likely to be the less well paid out of your couple, it is therefore your career that will bear the sacrifice of having children.

This is all purely because you’re a woman. Some women want to work part time - some women want to be completely SAHM. That’s great for them as individuals. But the point is that for many women it’s not really a ‘choice’ - or it is, but it’s one that is made because of the simple fact that pregnancy may tank a mother’s career in a way it never will for a father’s.

So what about those mothers who want to continue their career, who want to remain the top earner out of the partnership, who want to prioritise their career above a pregnancy that may take years out of their career/opportunities? They may have to choose not to have children. But again, this isn’t a choice a man has to make - having a child does not tank his career.

Almost 100% of the time, a man can choose to have both - whereas a not insignificant amount of women have to choose between those two options. That’s the point.

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telamalin@reddit

There are actually more women who would prefer to work either no or fewer hours (\~2 million) than women who would like to work some or more (\~1 million)

https://www.civitas.org.uk/2023/05/10/mothers-preferences-over-childcare-and-work/

The Department for Education survey^([6]) evaluates mothers’ preferences over work and childcare with four questions where mothers respond on a scale from ‘strongly agree’ to strongly disagree’. The first three are asked to all employed mothers of children aged 0 to 4, and the fourth to mothers of children aged 0 to 4 who are not employed.

Using ONS data on the employment status of mothers in England, we are able to convert the DfE survey data of mothers into national estimates for the number of working mothers who would like to work more, less or not at all, and the number of non-working mothers who could be persuaded to work with good quality childcare that is convenient, reliable and affordable.

Mothers of children aged 0-4 years

‘If I could afford to give up my work, I would prefer to stay at home and look after my children’. 37 per cent agreed, this is an estimated 700,000 mothers.

‘If I could afford it, I would work fewer hours so I could spend more time looking after my children’. 67 per cent agreed, this is an estimated 1.28 million mothers.

‘If I could arrange good quality childcare which was convenient, reliable and affordable, I would work more hours’. 29 per cent agreed, this is an estimated 554,000 mothers.

‘If I could arrange good quality childcare which was convenient, reliable and affordable, I would prefer to go out to work’. 54 per cent agreed, this is an estimated 411,000 mothers.

The responses to these present a clear message from mothers over childcare and work. There are far more women who would like to work fewer hours or not at all if they could afford it than there are who would like to work more if they could afford it.

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faroffland@reddit

That’s really interesting thank you for highlighting this! I clearly need to do some more digging around that stat and look into different studies.

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Chance-Bread-315@reddit

These stats are out of date! I found this DfE report with 2024 stats: https://explore-education-statistics.service.gov.uk/find-statistics/childcare-and-early-years-survey-of-parents/2024#section-6-mothers-work-and-childcare

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faroffland@reddit

Oh good thank you! Looks like there have been some positive movements in the statistics, I will edit my comment so that people look at these instead.

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marquis_de_ersatz@reddit

Working fewer hours is positive to me.

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faroffland@reddit

As I commented to someone else, the caveat with all statistics is that for any one person’s individual experience the outcome/conclusion will vary. But ultimately the trend of childcare burden being on women is a negative, and this is shown by very skewed employment figures in men vs women.

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marquis_de_ersatz@reddit

It's a very capitalist lens though, to think that career is the only important metric. I think women are lucky that we aren't expected to work full time and socially punished for dropping hours like men are. I think society's goal should be to allow men to reduce their hours to take some of that childcare burden.

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faroffland@reddit

It is backed up by studies saying women would prefer to work full time but feel they can’t. That is a pressure men do not feel.

You can argue that that too is a capitalist lens but the fact is women feel they CAN’T even though they want to, an issue that men do not encounter.

But yes obviously ultimately we’d all be able to not work and instead spend 24/7 making daisy chains in a commune on LSD lol! But that’s not how the current world works and we can only work to reduce gender issues in the world as it stands.

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ClumsyandLost@reddit

Can you share a link to studies which say mothers want to work full-time please.

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Critical_Hedgehog451@reddit

If you don't mind me asking how are men punished when it comes to dropping hours specifically? Is there any sort of stats on this? Would like to see how the comparisons are, and if there is any mitatgation already in place or considered to be in place in regards to your claim

And it seems to suggest that women are punished for dropping hours as it does affect their careers whether it is consciously or unconsciously.

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marquis_de_ersatz@reddit

Do you have stats to prove that there is not?

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Critical_Hedgehog451@reddit

From a commenter earlier in the discussion above: https://explore-education-statistics.service.gov.uk/find-statistics/childcare-and-early-years-survey-of-parents/2024#section-6-mothers-work-and-childcare

I don't, this is why I asked you, it is the claim you made not me. So could you explain further in terms of perceived worth and value? And those kinds of things would need to be stats to actually look at resolving the exact issue you're making a claim towards.

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marquis_de_ersatz@reddit

Those stats have nothing to do with what I'm talking about and they don't say anything about men and the barriers to part time working for them.

It's ok to disagree with me. Have a dialog. You don't have to play "have you got a website link or it isn't true".

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shadow_kittencorn@reddit

I have both male and female friends and a lot have dropped down to 4 day week. I am trying to convince my partner to do the same in the near future.

I completely agree that equality is key - both men and women should be able to drop down to part time work without being penalised, especially for childcare.

I (F) didn’t want kids, but did have the discussion with my partner that he would be the ‘main parent’ and I would go back to work.

Ultimately, I enjoy my job and I am good at it - I am also the higher earner. However, I had much younger siblings and I know how difficult and draining childcare is (as well as wonderful) and it isn’t something I want for myself. Honestly, working full time is easier from my perspective. We ultimately decided to remain child free.

But, as to the point of the discussion, many women would rather work full time and develop their careers, support themselves, socialise etc etc, however it isn’t always possible with the costs of alternative childcare. Childcare is a demanding job, it isn’t like those only working part time to take care of kids have loads of ‘free time’.

Maybe in some social circles men’s valve is attached to their work and earnings, but certainly not in mine. It isn’t a universal fact, although certain influencers might have you believe it is.

I grew up working class, a lot of my friends I met in uni etc. I would much rather a loving partner who shares my hobbies than someone who earns more and spends more time away from me…. Hence I want us both to move to a 4 day week when we are both financially settled.

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Critical_Hedgehog451@reddit

Didn't say you were lying, I asked if you could provide stats, and you're talking anecdotally. It's fine if that's how you feel, I gave you examples in relation to women as you said they were lucky - I explained it affected them working also so there is correlation and effect.

You still haven't provided anything to prove your point.

And it isn't a play, if you make a claim, it makes most sense to back it up, it's completely okay to how you feel, but you've talked about perception and perceived value. I asked you to explain, and you haven't given any personal reasons for why you said it, nor have you given me any stats to back it up.

Like I say, it's fine to feel how you feel, I think it would be good for discourse to explain why you feel that, as I said before to even learn about how to mitigate it / know if there is anything in place already that is mitigating what you've said.

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0FFFXY@reddit

I would personally not want to accept more time with my children if it meant depriving their mother of that time. I reckon few fathers would, as much as they would love more time with their children.

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CollectionStraight2@reddit

I agree with the last part about men reducing their hours. As to the rest, as long as we live in a capitalistic society, being the one who brings in the money will aways give more power to the working partner. That's what makes it unfair

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LostInAVacuum@reddit

Is it positive? Or is it that times are tough financially and so women have to work?

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TimeTimeClock@reddit

For those who don't want to click:

Three-quarters (75%) of mothers overall, that is of mothers of children aged between 0 and 14 years, reported that they were in work (Accompanying Table 8.5), an increase from 72% in 2023. This is compared to 93% of fathers.
Of these mothers, over two in five (44%) reported that they were working full-time, an increase from 39% in 2023 (Accompanying Table 8.5).
Of these mothers, the proportion who reported that they were working part-time was 31%, in line with 2023 (33%) (Accompanying Table 8.5).
Among families with children aged 0 to 4 years only, just under three quarters (73%) of mothers reported that they were in work, a rise from 69% in 2023 (Accompanying Table 8.5).
The proportions of mothers in families with children aged 0 to 4 years only working full-time or part-time in 2024 were in line with 2023 (Accompanying Table 8.5).

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Firm_Doughnut_1@reddit

Those stats are sounding like more mothers are finding it necessary to return to full time work.

I've thought about this myself too. I don't think I can afford not to return to full time work if I have a child. My husband and I couldn't afford not to.

Not looking forward to looking after a child whilst working though I'll tell you that.

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Smuggertonn@reddit

Proud to say that I am contributing to these stats 😁 I would like to thank my husband and place of work for the positivity and support.

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Knickers93@reddit

Wow I didn’t realise this was the case and I was actually in the minority. Anecdotally it makes sense as most of my friends reduced their hours when they went back to work.

Fortunately for us we have family support two days and a week and our childminder fees are pretty much fully covered by the 30 hours.

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superduperbongodrums@reddit

I am so jealous, but very happy for you too! Xx

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SamhainSamhain@reddit

98% of women want to return full time? That can’t be right. I can’t find the source but it would be with Erika Komisar’s work, from what I remember 20% want full time work, 20% want to be SAHM, everyone else wants part time

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eastyorkshirepudding@reddit

I was going to say the same - this raised big questions for me too and I work in this research field.

There is also two different things to consider: how many women would work hours more if they had access to more childcare, and in an ideal world how much they would work if money wasn’t an option.

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rumade@reddit

Or how many would want to work if they could do 4 longer days and then have 3 days off with their kids? 4 day work week with children under school age would be nice.

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0FFFXY@reddit

Anecdotally; never spoken to a woman nor man that wanted to work one minute more than they had to after having a child, especially a first. For some that have been lucky, only the man had to go back to full time while the woman could stay home more.

But consensus has always been that both sexes wanted to be home as much as possible. At least among gen x / millennials.

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shanster23@reddit

I'd be interested in the reasons. Wanting to work full time because they enjoy it and are fulfilled despite missing time with the kids, versus working full time through necessity to bring more money into the household.

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yedhead@reddit

Yeah this doesn’t seem right to me either. I know anecdotal evidence isn’t proof, but I only know one mother that wants/has returned to work full time. I know many that have, but only because they feel they have to to keep up with cost of living and lifestyle choices. These women are superhuman in my mind, how do you cope with childcare, housework, school admin etc while also working full time! As a mother myself I literally can’t fathom wanting to return full time, I work part time because of this.

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lazylimpet@reddit

Thanks for this thorough writeup. All this is the fault of the UK government not making enough childcare places, not making childcare affordable and not creating better protections and standardisations around working while having children. I'm from the UK but now in Japan. Here, practically everyone in full time employment before birth goes back to work, full time, after having 1 year of maternity time off. It's all standardised and very formulaic, with clear procedures and support from the state, as well as protections for working parents.

Japan ranks so much lower on the OECD index for women's rights and yet the UK is failing working parents this badly. It boggles the mind.

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MyAlt4WomanyStuff@reddit

Not only do we sacrifice the now, we sacrifice the future. We pay less into our workplace pensions when we're working part time, and not at all when we're not working (outside of the maternity pay period). We are so screwed 😞

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GeordieJumper@reddit

Why does this screw you? Surely all money is split equally once kids are in the picture and if you break up you're entitled to half their pension anyway?

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MyAlt4WomanyStuff@reddit

If only life was this simple.

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CicadaSlight7603@reddit

Yes yes yes.

Classic case here absolutely everything you said…. Another example is Unpaid parental leave needed to cover summer, better be the woman to take it as the career and pay already took the hit… it just goes on and on, and it’s logical but it ends in our case with one earning EIGHT times the other despite being equal just before the first baby. Both professionals with multiple post grad degrees. Hits pensions too.

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Mundo7@reddit

right, and this is the man’s fault because…

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emilycharlotte1@reddit

98% of women do not want to work full time 🤣 tell me how that question was worded! Bc that just is not representative, come on!

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faroffland@reddit

98% of new mothers who previously worked full time. Not women overall. I thought that was clear from context but maybe not sorry!

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CarelessAnything@reddit

> I believe this is a large reason why a lot of women are choosing not to have children. They are expected to sacrifice careers for pregnancies in a way men are not, and ultimately more and more women are saying ‘fuck that’.

Well, yes, but it's not JUST that. I don't want to sacrifice my career, and the sense of purpose, agency and freedom that comes with it. But if I'm honest, I don't want our household to go without his (much larger) salary either. We'd be poor if I were the only breadwinner, so I don't want that - I want my husband and myself to both work full time. And having children just doesn't fit alongside that.

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takhana@reddit

One of the first things my (not-English, important I guess because she's from a country where it's normal still for women to give up work completely after childbirth and not return until the kids are teenagers) Aunt said once I had my first was "don't believe them when they say you can do it all, because you can't."

It's true. We cannot have a full time job (37.5 hours a week and commuting time) as well as take the kids to and from school, as well as be there for them after school and at weekends, as well as look after a home, as well as look after ourselves, as well as take part in hobbies and meet friends and enjoy life in the same way as someone who doesn't have children (for whatever reason, whether chosen or not). As women now we're told that when you're of childbearing age you must decide to have kids and then you must do the absolute most alongside it. Women are often - not always - the default parent, rather than the higher earner.

FWIW, my view on work completely shifted 180 when I had my first. I worked hard for my career, got a Masters to go into it, and for the first 6 years threw myself at it often working 2 - 5 hours extra a week. I used to feel guilty for taking annual leave (made worse by working in a time sensitive healthcare position) and stress about being off. Since having him I no longer work extra hours (rare exceptions to the rules being if I am literally unable to leave for safety reasons, because... healthcare). If I can't come in because he's unwell, I let them know and then think nothing more of it. My annual leave is carefully planned around us as a family with a couple of days reserved here and there for some me time. I no longer truly care what job I do - and quite frankly when I've had my second (due in July) the bar for me walking away from healthcare is going to be so low. I'll pick up a casual bar job or something for a few years so I can take them to school and pick them up and have some time to sort out the house in between, not worry about covering myself for school holidays or sickness. It really does shift your mindset.

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faroffland@reddit

Yes hence why I said ‘I believe this is A large reason’, not ‘I believe this is the ONLY reason’.

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

Another big reason is we are no longer prepared to put up with men doing such a small share of the parenting and domestic labour!

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Snail-on-my-tail@reddit

This is such a fab summary!

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louwyatt@reddit

I think something that people always ignore in this discussion is that women often want to be the main caregivers for the child.

I personally actually like the idea of being the main caregiver for my children. But my misses also very much want to be the main givers and I earn more. I always joke to her I should have dated a richer girl so I could be a stay at home dad.

There are obviously plenty of dead beat dads and lazy husbands. But even if you removed all of that. Women would still be the main caregiver to children because they more commonly want to be.

I do think this problem only exists because people don't talk properly before having kids. Deciding whos career is going on hold should happen before you have kids. If you don't agree, maybe don't have kids with them.

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faroffland@reddit

Studies show women overwhelmingly want to return to work full time but feel they can’t. So the stats disagree that ‘women often want to be the main caregivers’, even if that’s the case for your specific situation.

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louwyatt@reddit

Do you have links to any of these studies?

I will also point out that they are two different questions, and people can be hypocritical. Most people both want to be paid a lot and not work.

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faroffland@reddit

Yes I’m eating my tea atm but give me 20 mins and I’ll get back to you!

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louwyatt@reddit

Np, enjoy your tea

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faroffland@reddit

Thank you! I don’t have a direct URL but the 98% stat is from a national report done by Careers After Babies looking into women returning to work after having children and why the gender stats around work for fathers/mothers are so skewed. It was a study using around 900 women so not thousands of people, so the average stats are probably less than this - but I think it’s significant enough to show many women do want to return but feel they can’t.

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louwyatt@reddit

I've done a bit of extra research and found a few studies on the topic. It seems that if we had a Nordic levels of support for parents, most women would want responsibility to split equally. But when given the choice of either being the main bread earner or being the main caregiver, they, on average, would rather be the main caregiver.

Pedulla and Thébaud (2015) indicated if there is no restraints (for example financial) they'd choose to share parental responsibility equal. When there is restraints, they would rather be the main caregiver rather than the main bread earner

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26365994/

The new research centre says 32% of mothers said they would prefer to work full-time. Roughly 60% of mothers said their ideal situation would be working part-time or not at all, effectively choosing the "Main Caregiver" role over the "Main Earner" role. 70% of fathers said their ideal situation was working full-time, indicating a much higher preference for the "Main Earner" role compared to women.

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/01/24/parenting-in-america-today/

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faroffland@reddit

That’s very interesting thank you for sharing! I wonder how much of wanting to be the ‘main caregiver’ comes down to biological constraints - I know for me I felt very much like the main parent with a newborn until she started weaning because she was exclusively breastfed. But now she’s well on her way with weaning things feel way more 50/50.

It’s actually really nice to see that if there aren’t any financial constraints both men and women would want to share it equally. I absolutely don’t think men are evil people who don’t want to be parents lol, I just think society is so weighted towards women being the ‘main parent’ that it’s very difficult for men and women not to take those roles, even unintentionally. But that is really positive and is something society should work towards - enabling both parents to be equally involved and sharing caring responsibility.

Thanks again for sharing this, definitely things for me to look into and reconsider going forwards!

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louwyatt@reddit

Hopefully, in the future, the government will offer enough support, so parental caregiving is split more easily. It does make me think that there must be massive potential economic benefit from doing this. As it is causing so many women not to return to work.

It's been a really interesting discussion with you. Have a great day.

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faroffland@reddit

Yeah I hope so. The outcome everyone should want is that men AND women who want children are supported enough that they feel they can, and can split the childcare in an equitable way that works for their individual relationship.

You too, always nice to have a friendly discussion and learn something new! Have a great evening :)

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Critical_Hedgehog451@reddit

These stats are out of date! I found this DfE report with 2024 stats: https://explore-education-statistics.service.gov.uk/find-statistics/childcare-and-early-years-survey-of-parents/2024#section-6-mothers-work-and-childcare

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louwyatt@reddit

I was asking for the study mentioned here: "Studies show women overwhelmingly want to return to work full time but feel they can’t"

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Critical_Hedgehog451@reddit

Just copied and pasted from above ! :)

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Whole_Necessary2040@reddit

I wonder why though. I went for a promotion just when I got pregnant, and started the new more stresful role during until 9m. Tbf I did wfh from 4m, this way it was possible.

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Gauntlets28@reddit

I don't think it's fair to frame it as women being expected to sacrifice their careers in a way men aren't. I think most men would love to take on more of the childcare in the first years, but there are a lot of hurdles that get in the way in a way they don't for women. Paternity leave in the UK is STILL only two weeks paid, compared with up to 52 for the mums, with no opportunity to share leave.

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faroffland@reddit

Nope this is bollocks. Men CAN take maternity leave, it’s called SPL - women can basically ‘gift’ their entire maternity leave to their male partner apart from the statutory 2 weeks. You can flip maternity/paternity if you want and it’s as easy as filling in a form. The simple fact is most people don’t. But it’s there as an option for every single couple having a baby.

If only men could take maternity… well they can. They just don’t.

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Total_Rules@reddit

My wife and I both took 26 weeks off at the same time after ours was born and it was great.

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faroffland@reddit

Good for you! Not assuming you are male - but I hope people are not interpreting my comments that men should not have better/longer paternity as a default. I gave my husband 2 weeks of my maternity and he took 2 weeks holiday, so he had 6 weeks overall and it was vital for him to bond with our newborn. All new fathers/partners to new mothers/parents should get longer than 2 weeks, it’s SO important.

But people act like men don’t have any way to extend their leave. Most do via SPL, they just overwhelmingly don’t.

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

That is great, but you are very unusual!

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Total_Rules@reddit

It’s common for parents working at companies that pay enhanced parental pay. Unfortunately most companies don’t.

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

Its not common even then.

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Gauntlets28@reddit

Which is not a default option, and is only given to people who meet the specific criteria - can't have just joined the company, can't be on a zero hours contract, etc

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faroffland@reddit

You said there was ‘no way to share leave’. For the vast majority of people there is.

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

Don't you get it? He wants to be able to say he's willing to do an equal share but he certainly doesn't want to actually do it, god forbid!

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missda12@reddit

I stopped my maternity leave when my enhanced portion ended at 26 weeks. My husband is taking the other 13 weeks.

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Total_Rules@reddit

With the exception of the mum having to take 2 weeks off immediately following birth the rights for mothers and fathers are the same.

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missda12@reddit

I’m currently on maternity leave and I’m a group with other new mums. Every single mum in the group is returning to work full time.

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faroffland@reddit

The caveat on all statistics is it depends greatly on your socioeconomic status, your individual circles and that ultimately people will have different individual experiences!

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Reasonable_Phys@reddit

"98% of women want to return to work full time"

And 99% of statistics are pulled out of someone's ass.

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C-Private@reddit

Top reason I don’t want kids

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Stunning-Wave7305@reddit

It depends on what work you do, your household finances, your own preferences, the childcare available to you and how much your partner works. But plenty of women DO work full time with a child in full-time nursery or at a childminder or with a nanny etc.

It takes organisation and often flexibility e.g. one parent starting/finishing early (e.g. 7 til 3) and the other working later (e.g. 10 til 6) to make drop off and pick up easier. Two parents each working compressed hours (e.g. 4-day weeks or 9-day fortnights) can also make it more manageable/affordable. And of course if you have family support with childcare (even if it's just an hour or two in the evening a couple of days a week) can make it much more manageable.

You need to look not just at the here and now but at the long-term effect on your career if you go PT. Will reducing hours make promotion harder? Does working FT now for a bit - even if it's really exhausting and barely affordable - mean that you have FAR better options in a year or two? Is your industry even one that supports PT working?

And of course if your partner's earning ability (in the short and long term) is lower than yours then it would surely make more sense for them to work PT and you to work FT.

There's a lot to consider. But yes, for many women (and parents in general) it is not just possible but necessary for them to work FT while being the primary or sole carer for young children. If the sums add up for your family and if it's something that's not just possible but also necessary/desirable then you make it work, even if it takes some imagination.

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Rich_Stomach_4573@reddit

I know a lot of women in tech who go back full time after their maternity break

Don't worry about what others say - if the childcare is affordable go for it

I spent almost half of my salary for childcare when I rejoined from maternity leave but it helped to keep my career afloat

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notemark@reddit

What you've heard people saying is only partially true, I would replace "women" with "parent" with caveats.

It's very difficult for one out of two parents to work full time without a lot of support from extended friends and family.

My girlfriend had to reduce her working hours once out daughter came out of nursery and started school, we don't have extended family or friends to rely on for wrap around care and since she was the lower earner her wage hit was cheaper than childcare and her employer is more flexible than mine (she's a civil servant).

This has the upsides she gets to pick our daughter up from school and spend twice as long with her before bed time whereas I get in from work and most nights it feels like dinner and then bedtime for our daughter.

If I had the option I would absolutely reduce my salary and hours to spend the time with our daughter but it's not economically practical, likewise if I were the lower earner I would seek part time work to maintain my girlfriends higher salary.

In addition to wrap around care and school holidays, schools put on several days throughout the year where parents are invited (but it's really expected because who wants their child to be only one without parents there) and then finally sick days.

In your situation it seems like you have the experience and skill set to secure a high paying role, I would recommend your partner look for a different job or reduced hours to manage childcare (after you are secure in a new role).

I can only speak from my perspective, I don't know what your partner does and if there is other perks of his job or the potential for higher earnings in the longer term.

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YummyBumps@reddit

If you put little one into nursery look into 30 hrs funding and tax free child care. You put money in government tops it up by 20%.

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Krayaa@reddit

Also check out eligibility for UC. If you weren't eligible before, you may be eligible now that you have a child and childcare costs will also factor into your eligibility. You can get up to 85% of childcare costs back.

(people wrongly assume because they're working full time, they're not entitled to UC. It's always worth running an entitlement check. Entitledto or Turn2Us both do eligiblity calculations)

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Much_Operation_7824@reddit

I work Mon-Fri 9-5, My Fiancee works 4 days a week - 9-5 - toddler at Nan's one day, with the fiancee another & 3 days at Nursery, even with the free hours, Nursery still costs around £300 p/m

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fitzy798@reddit

I went back to working from home 4 days rather than 5, but I am also disabled so something had to give and I have my son going from nursery on the Friday when I don't work. Now I also have a new baby the Friday is hard but nursery is expensive so it is a balancing act.

I remember when I had the conversation with work they took it all in stride, I think a lot of people adjust their hours to some extent when they return.

I asked my mum what she did when she had my sister then me, as she had 2 under 2 and couldn't afford nursery at all. She said she stopped working when she had my sister, by the time she had me she was doing a few accounting jobs from home but nothing structured so she could do it whenever it fit in, and then when I (the youngest) went to school she went back to work properly.

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ellsbells3032@reddit

I returned to work full time after baby 1 but also had a partner who worked grom home a lot and was quite hands on. After the second I dropped to 4 days a week but my partner was working longer hours by then too.

I work in Central London though with over an hours commute but work from home 1-2 days a week and flex my hours.

I dont think I could do full time with two. They are in nursery half day on my day off so I can get things done.

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Forsaken-Biscotti-43@reddit

I've got a 4month old baby and im self employed designer. I make clothing and sell online. Im planning on making things and selling again when hes 6 months. I'd highly recommend the time spare you have when your baby sleeps researching something you can do from.home as a self.employed person to earn money. Do you paint? Draw ? Make greetings cards sell on ebay etsy get ai to design them for you and starts selling something. It can be anything. Do you see Do you have any kind of skill you can utilise. Like Alan watts said. Someone will always want to buy something your creating and there are over a billion people on this planet the Internet is a great way to be self sufficient. Also. Many people are setting up youtube channels Vlogging thier everyday life or just something that interests them. This is a very lucrative avenue if you are not shy. My personal opinion is forget working for other people now You need to be totally sufficient for your self and your family. It takes time but you can do it. God bless 🙌 🙏 ❤️

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HanAVFC@reddit

I worked full time as a single mom for the first from 3 months old to two years old then I realised (due to COVID partly) one how much I was missing and two how much I was paying out in childcare compared to how much I was getting in. (This is with a discount as I was a nursery manager in a small nursery group).

Now I do two and a half days which works, when my daughter started school I had upped it to 3 and a half, but I've just had another baby so I'll be dropping back down again when I go back.

Sadly even with the government funding, because Nurseries are privately owned, the owners subside the funding by charging parents Sundary charges, funding is also only 30 hours a week 35 weeks of the year, if you wanted to work in the holidays you would need to pay/find different childcare, OR some nurseries offer split funding which is 22.5 hours a week over 52 weeks a year. Other nurseries will also only offer funded hours at set times (9am-3pm is common) therefore you would need to pay for any hours outside of those.

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SlowRaspberry4723@reddit

I work full time, so does my husband. Be prepared that when your child starts nursery they are going to get sick very very regularly. My husband and I take turns using up our annual leave for this. I’m lucky that I get relatively good annual leave and also a couple of days of dependency leave. It has an impact on my work, I would say I’m kind of coasting rather than smashing it career wise, but that’s fine for me for now. My house is a mess and we eat a bit more rubbishy food than I’d like but to be honest I was always like that, can’t blame the baby.

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Charming_Part_3713@reddit

I only know 3 mums who work full time and the rest is part time (between 3-4 days). I went to work on a part time basis (4 days) but did 5.5 days in total (working in tech). After months of trying to juggle super stressful job and a baby I burnt out so badly I had to call in sick. Decided to leave that role and currently I am coming to terms that I need to forget about my career and find something part time for my family sanity. I counted and I spend on average 4 hours everyday outside of work to care for my child so doing any additional hours outside of work is impossible. It all depends on your role. The only mums I know that seem to be doing ok are these working part time, remotely and in 'relaxed' jobs - talking about jobs where you work for few hours but are paid full time.

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RollingKatamari@reddit

All the colleagues I have that are mums all work part time, every single one!

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3_box@reddit

Hubby & I work full time but we're VERY LUCKY to have help from grandparents with the school run and very lovely managers who allow us to take time when needed.

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PetiteGardener144@reddit

I did. Worked full time during until two weeks duez then went back to work full time after maternity.

As long as you've set up the childcare, it's all fine.

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ughhhghghh@reddit

Its different for everyone isn't it?

I'm going back nearly 40 years, but my mother was very career driven. She went back to work around 3 months after giving birth to me.

A lot of the women I know tend to take 9-12 months off on maternity leave and it feels like the majority will reduce their hours if they can afford to.

The career issue can be a tricky subject. I know some people I've worked with previously who I've barely seen because of maternity leave and the gaps between having 2-3kids. I guess in that example, your career is bound to stall.

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lazyhazy-sunday@reddit

I went back to work after a year, and honestly, the first 6 or 7 months, I hated it. I had really bad brain fog, I had been in the role for 7 years before I went on maternity leave and still felt like I'd forgotten everything. I saw the majority of women in the mum groups I was part of not going back to work. I remember feeling so guilty about it and wishing I could stay at home. But now I'm a year into being back at work, my brains starting to function again, and honestly, I'm really glad I went back. Me and my husband, both compacted our hours and work 4 day weeks, so we each get a day alone with our daughter. The only thing that suffers is our house. It's so hard to keep on top of chores, and our finances aren't the best at the moment as we both took a slight pay cut. But going back to work for me helped me find the version of me that isn't mum again.

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entersandmum143@reddit

With my son (born 90s). I went back to work after 3mths. I regret that.

My daughter (born 00s), I took the full paid maternity. About 1yr and then another year off - so 2yrs in total.

I didn't want to go back to my previous job. Logistics would have been a nightmare. So took a slight pay cut to work closer to home.

Definitely an easier transition.

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Aggravating-Ant-6767@reddit

If we ever have a child, I will be returning to work once the mat leave runs out and my partner will be giving up his job. He earns around 30k and I earn 100k so it just makes sense- even if we took out the cost of childcare, he couldn’t keep the job he’s in now as we both do shift work meaning we could both finish at 11pm one night or start at 5am.

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MapOfIllHealth@reddit

There’s 7 women in my office. 5 of those are responsible for children under 18 and it’s only the two who aren’t that work full time hours.

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cityfrm@reddit

I didn't. I couldn't, and luckily, mothering was infinitely more fulfilling. No amount of money would be worth missing out on time with my family.

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Mundane-Topic-8214@reddit

You lost your job while 8 months pregnant? Was that all done properly?

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NoTest5984@reddit (OP)

No I have filed a tribunal claim 😭

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Willing_Parsley_2182@reddit

You can still claim statutory maternity by the way.

https://www.gov.uk/maternity-allowance

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rumade@reddit

OP definitely get on this if you haven't already. I lost my job halfway through my pregnancy when the entire department was dissolved with a week's notice. Statutory maternity allowance was very helpful

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LazyBarracuda@reddit

I volunteer for a union and they've always told me it is nearly impossible to fire a pregnant woman because of all the protections! This does sound iffy. Good luck with the tribunal. You can get a very big payout if you have been discriminated against.

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spoons431@reddit

If you haven't already I'd contact pregnant then screwed!

Best of luck OP!

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Zal_17@reddit

Pregnant Then Screwed sounds like something I'd need my VPN for

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Inside-Definition-42@reddit

Hello fellow Albanian!🇦🇱

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PoweredSquirrel@reddit

Why hello, it's my step-neighbour come to fix my plumbing!

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Frequent-Cobbler4232@reddit

Surely it’s screwed, pregnant then screwed again? /s

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Loxilight@reddit

Thats the sequel, theres also Screwed 2: Pregnant Boogaloo

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fotfddtodairsizr@reddit

Please ensure you add the individuals who discriminated against you as respondents. If it is a small company they may close the business down to avoid paying you. By naming the individuals including founder/owner you’ll still get paid if the liquidate

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loveswimmingpools@reddit

I should hope so! Hope you get results.

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TheRebelPercy@reddit

Sounds iffy, if not illegal.

Good luck with your tribunal.

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made-of-questions@reddit

American company did this to my wife. Also month 8. We found a good solicitor which has a field day. Ended up with them fully paying 14 months salary as severance, which is way better than what it would cost them if they'd just respected the law. Never went to court to determine legality and of course context matters but based on the result I'd say it's highly iffy.

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superkinks@reddit

I have 3 children and work full time. It’s really, really hard. Childcare costs a fortune. Out of school term time it costs more to pay someone to look after them than I earn and I have to pick them up by 5pm at the latest. If there’s an emergency at work, I pretty much can’t help. Luckily my workplace is very understanding. I genuinely don’t know how I would do it if I had a more demanding job or a career I wanted to progress in. I guess I’d have to hire a nanny or have an au pair because school wrap around care has seriously limited hours.

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mirembe987@reddit

Many women do. I know a woman who is the higher earner and went back to work full time at 6 months whilst the husband took paternity leave for 3 months (shared parental leave). I earn over double my husband and he’s not much over minimum wage so I will have to go back to work when we have kids

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ndzl@reddit

Oh, I've done it with both. Definitely doable even if outside the norm. You do what works for you and your family.

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SinkMince0420@reddit

I've worked full time since my baby was a month old (preemie), but 9 days old actual age.

It was tough, at first I had to go in a lot and had to lean on my partner, then I ended up wfh. Still tough but we do what we have to do.

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Lanky_Collection_234@reddit

Hey girl. So I don’t know if you’re single or not but if you are you’ll get decent help. I was a single parent and I didn’t go back to work till my son was 2.5yrs old and even then it was part time. But when you do decide to go back you will get help with childcare payments. If you are in a relationship I’d definitely wait to go back to work. I’ve now just had my second child with my new partner and I’ll being a sahm as 1) it’s what I want and 2) nursery’s so expensive.

All I can say is you don’t get the time back. I worked full time when I was a single parent and I hated it. My son was at breakfast club at 7:30am and I collected him at 6pm from after school club. His school were seeing him more than I was. I had an hour on a morning and 90 mins on an evening. Do whatever works for you and you also don’t have to decide now. See what you wanna do once baby comes. Wishing you all the best with your baby :)

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FlowerLittle8390@reddit

All I can tell you is what I did. I went back part time once I'd had my kids, but used annual leave and parental leave to keep a full time salary.

Once that ran out, I went back full time, even though childcare took a big chunk of my salary. The idea was that once they got older, I'd still have a job to go back to and move into something higher.

This worked in my favour, and I'm now in a better position than if I'd given up work for a few years and tried to get back in.

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throwra_tsatthestars@reddit

I started working full time when LO was 6 months old. Between dad, grandparents and a paid childminder it was possible. But I lived in an area where childcare was very cheap (£30pd) and I had a lot of family at the time very close by. When I split from dad and moved away we did coparenting and it got much harder. Childcare was expensive and ended up going part time at a higher paid job to save childcare costs.

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BalthazarOfTheOrions@reddit

It's tough. My wife and I have roughly the same income with me as the higher earner. When our firstborn came along we had to have a long and careful budget of whether it was cheaper for her to go back to work or stay at home (regular help from family wasn't an option because of distance). In the end we decided for her to go back to work because there was less than £100 per month difference in it, and this way she could keep her career and longer-term salary progression.

We still can't afford childcare for 5 days a week, but we make do with having jobs with very flexible hours (for about 50% of it anyway) and catching up on the hours here and there.

Not going to lie, it's not easy but we try to keep our long-term financial goals in mind.

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AttersH@reddit

Im a full time working parent, although I did full time hours in a 4 day a week when my kids were younger. I switched back to 5 days a week when they started school (& because I was made redundant around that time & got a new job).

I’m the only one out of all my parent mates I have to say but financially, it suits us & I don’t really mind at the minute. My plan is to max my pension now, save a bit/invest & also enjoy the financial freedom to do nice stuff with my kids & then I hope, in my 50’s, I can go part time again!

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Porco-espinho94@reddit

You should think how will it impact your earning potential long term. If my partner would have lower earning potential when working part time than me then I would consider if he can work part-time and vice-versa.

I came back over full-time after first. I'm thinking about part-time after second but not sure if company will allow.

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Theunluckyone7@reddit

I work full time and it's fine, it helps alot that I work from home (not with baby) if you can find remote work.

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JudgeStandard9903@reddit

Full time working mum. I went back to work full after 7 months and my husband stayed at home with the baby for 5 months and our son started nursery 4 days at week when he turned 1.

I'm a lawyer and my job is stressful and demanding, but I enjoy my job and worked very hard to get to where I am and was already acutely aware that having a baby already set me back in career progression and switching to part time or going back later would only make that worse. For the first 2 years I was pretty much a unicorn among my mum friends and was the only one working full time - now my son is 5 and at school more of my mum friends work full time. I've recently set up my own consultancy and so conversely work more flexible hours now - I work full time hours but over 4 days. Makes the school holidays a tiny bit easier!

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pixelunicorns@reddit

Most of the mums I know don't, but there are a couple who do as they have always been the bread winners of their family. It does mean their husbands take on more of the childcare / housework.

Find what works for you and your family, it isn't a one-size fits all so talk it through with your partner.

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PolgaraEsme@reddit

It’s possible, it it’s going to depend massively on your family setup and support. If you can’t make it work, have a think about studying. It’s not easy to study with small children around either, but it might be a way you can invest some of your time for a year or 2, so that when you can eventually go back to work, you are more highly qualified than now.

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lesloid@reddit

As a single mum I completed a masters degree online - the kids were in bed by 7.30 and you’re stuck in the house alone for the rest of the evening so ideal for flexible studying.

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PolgaraEsme@reddit

Well done, that’s a big achievement.
Me too, except I did accountancy rather than a masters.
It’s tough but it can be done.

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Simon_Says_2@reddit

I have two children and have continued to work full time. I am fortunate my husband works shift work and we have the help of our parents to assist with childcare. First I returned to work after 9 months, the second after 5 months as I was moving jobs

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Smylor@reddit

You absolutely can have both, it is a juggle but if you have an equal partnership with home life you can make it work. I went back full time with my first and decided to go down to two days after we had our second, but I earn around 20% of what my partner earns and nursery would cost more than my wage. It was a no brainer for me for our work/ family life balance at this stage, but full time worked for us the first time round and I wouldn’t have changed that either.

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Ambitious-Elk-3350@reddit

You can if you have a relative who'll watch the baby for free, or a low price. You can if you have a partner who can afford it and should ALSO pay towards childcare. You can if you can pull a couple of grand a week out of nowhere for nursery fees.

Fewer have those options.

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Severus_1987@reddit

Nonsense. Nursery is not thousands a week at all, maybe a couple of hundred but it’s largely funded these days

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Inevitable-Celery481@reddit

Only funded when they reach a certain age. Where I am it’s 3 years old before funding and, on average, £80 per day for private nursery childcare.

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Severus_1987@reddit

So £400 a week? Not thousands… everyone is entitled to government 20% if your net adjust income is under £100k, so you only actually pay £320 of that. Depending on earnings childcare funding can be available as early as 9 months

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conustextile@reddit

Even by your own calculations, that's still about £1280/month on childcare. Is that really an easy cost for most people to absorb?

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Severus_1987@reddit

It’s not “thousands a week” is the point. Two working parents as well… we did it with two in nursery and at its peak it was £1300 a month or so for a very short time. Depends what you earn

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twirling_daemon@reddit

That equates to circa £1,700 a month. Maybe not quite ‘thousands’ but not a million miles off!

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HideousTits@reddit

There are 30 hours of free nursery care per week. So I’m not sure what exactly you mean…

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Ambitious-Elk-3350@reddit

Good luck finding a nursery who accepts those terms. They usually have to charge extra. And 30 isn't enough for full time work. Looked into quality private nurseries lately?

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HideousTits@reddit

Oh well, looks like everyone is fucked then, eh?

There are options. 30hr is a damn sight more than I got, and I managed to make it work.

It is possible, it’s just not easy.

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That_Requirement7877@reddit

When I had a one and two year old at nursery so I could work full time nursery costs where double our mortgage costs close to £2000 per week. That was with grandparents helping. If I take annual leave during the summer I still have to pay for nursery. I would have had more children if we could afford it

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Bubble-Master96@reddit

And when was that? Again it’s 22.5 across the year, not 30. And I wonder what your salary was in comparison to the overall COL

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Bubble-Master96@reddit

30 hours in term time so across the year it’s 22.5 hours a week. For full time that’s an extra 35 hours of childcare needed.

I imagine they mean a month instead of week

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HideousTits@reddit

I replied to someone above. Taking into account the 5 weeks paid holiday OP would be receiving, that’s 24hrs a week, or 3x 8hr days.

Doesn’t cover everything, but it’s a BIG help, and it definitely makes working even a minimum wage job worth it financially.

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Bubble-Master96@reddit

What does OPs holidays have to do with anything?

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HideousTits@reddit

I was just assuming that the OP would not leave their child in nursery when they were off work…

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Bubble-Master96@reddit

They might not, but that’s not how nursery places work.

For example if OP wants the child in for 5 days a week for say 42 weeks of the year, and the other 10 weeks they are using a days holiday so only need child in for 4 days (just using these numbers for simple maths) OP still needs to pay for the 5 days to keep child’s nursery space.

So unless OP is consistently using consistently a few hours a week (if her work let her) holidays won’t impact the costs. Also even if OP could do that, many nursery just have a blanket day charge, usually 8am - 6pm, so even if they’re only in 9 - 4, your still charged for the whole day.

I’d advise maybe not giving advice about a subject you clearly do not have experience or knowledge in.

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HideousTits@reddit

Oh wow. Nice attitude.

Stepping away from this thread as the negativity is stressing me out.

Good luck OP in whatever you choose to do.

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Moment_13@reddit

You still have to pay for nursery even if you don't send your child e.g. whilst you're on holiday.

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lesloid@reddit

I did, latterly as a single mum. With my first baby I took a full year off and then went back to work 3 days a week, this was by choice as I was married at that point and we could afford it. 18 months later had my second child, my marriage fell apart when I was pregnant so I only took 6 months off then went back to work full time, basically so I could afford to get out of the marriage. My ex husband paid half the nursery fees as his child maintenance contribution which made it possible.

It was hard going but I have no regrets. My life for five years was just work, study and kids, I had zero social life but luckily I enjoyed my job. I also was in my twenties so had lots of energy, can’t imagine doing this if I was an older mum.

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Significant-Pay-8984@reddit

Even if it were possible to work full-time, would you really want to?

Your child would only be 1. 12 months old and then you'd only be around them for roughly 5hrs out of the 24hr day (give or take due to travel time and getting ready for work and babies sleep early)

Not only is that no way for a child to develop, it's also no way for a mother to love raising her child. You should enjoy raising your kids but working will guarantee you'll hate it. Finances can go take a dive off a cliff, your child wants you and only you, not money. No kind of child care can replace what only you and your partner can give as parents. Reduce spending down to the essentials, and then work out what you can save and get by on.

It's sad that people have to weigh these things up, such decisions haven't existed for even 100 years yet, and as such cannot be considered normal in the slightest.

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Severus_1987@reddit

Tell me you don’t have kids without telling me you don’t have kids

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elevenseggo80@reddit

I’ve always worked full time. My children are 19 and 11 now. It’s really hard but life would have been harder trying to survive off one wage.

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knightsbridge-@reddit

So, you get 30 hours of funded childcare, which should cover most of the working week.

Every mum I know takes that as 4 days and finds alternative cover for that final day. Whether that's family help, condensing their own hours at work, or working from home and juggling baby care at the same time (this last one is about as difficult as you imagine).

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lotho54@reddit

It doesn't cover most. It's stretched over the 51 weeks of the year and therefore only results in 2 full days a week with childcare sorted.

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HideousTits@reddit

It equates to 22 hours a week if the child is in nursery 52 weeks a year, yes.

I’d argue two things here-

nobody is putting their child in nursery for 11 hours a day.

OP would be entitled to 5 weeks of holiday a year. Time when the child would not need to be in nursery.

So that would mean 24hrs a week in real terms of free childcare. That’s 3 8hr days.

I’d argue that this makes it pretty doable for a person to work full-time if they need/want to.

I wish I’d had the same amount of help when my kids were babies.

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themuddypuddle@reddit

"Nobody is putting their child in nursery 11 hours a day" Um, yes they do, thereabouts! My child's nursery is open for 10.5 hours and many children go for that full day, even if they don"t most nurseries will still make you pay for that full day you've booked, regardless of when you actually pick up and drop off. If the nursery is 20m drive away, the whole round trip can easily end up being an hour twice a day. If you work 830-5, your child may be in from 730-6. That's 10.5 hours.

If you have a full time, all year place, most nurseries will still make you pay even if you take your child out for 5 weeks when you're on Annual Leave.

It's very obvious from this comment that you do not have up to date knowledge of how this works in reality.

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BlueMagnolia20@reddit

Nursery systems are unfortunately not set up this way, as yes, that would be doable.

Each nursery has their own rules but some for example: Only let you book a full day 8am-6pm (10 hours) or half days 8am-1pm.

Some don't let you carry over the "extra free hours", so if you booked two full days, theoretically you would have 2 hours spare- nu uh!! They gone. Quite often on "funded days" you also have to pay towards "consumables" which can be a per hour charge. Mine was 1.50 per hour. Also if you take any holidays you still have to pay for the space at nursery. Same if they are sick. So you are stuck paying for the whole year no matter what.

Let's say you don't stretch the hours over the 52 weeks, you then have to do term time only which is 39 weeks. So yeah, you can use 5 weeks annual leave but what are you going to do for the other 8 weeks? Book extra nursery (if there's space)? Take unpaid leave? Each parent takes opposite leave to cover but then there's still 3 weeks needed to be covered? Become a teacher? Even with getting 30 hours per week free (but still paying for consumables) that would cover 3 full days so you would have to pay full whack for the last 2 days.

The whole system makes me mad. I used to work full time and I was so much worse off being a single mum working full time than I was when I became part time and claimed universal credit. Even with family help for 3 days of nursery I was paying like 800 quid.

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HideousTits@reddit

I get that it’s hard. I have two teenage boys and no local family, and this amount of nursery funding wasn’t available to me. So I do get it.

I just really dislike the defeatist approach everyone seems to be taking to this. Yes, it’s fucking hard. But it is possible to make it work.

When mine were young I would do childcare swaps with friends, so you would have an extra child one day a week and they would have yours one day a week.

I never expected the government to provide completely free childcare, but it seems to be a common thing to expect now.

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BlueMagnolia20@reddit

No you're right, and with my previous child there wasn't the funding until they were 2 years old for working parents.

Of course it's possible but there is a price. I did it until my son was 4 years old. I would leave the house at 7.45 and get home at 6.15 and be a shit tired parent. I had no money and got into credit card debt as the nursery fees were £800 per month out of my salary which I wasn't getting any support for.

When my son was 4 I went part time and at 18.5 hours with universal credit I was honestly better off. Financially and time.

It's not defeatest, it's realistic. As I've done both.

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BlueMagnolia20@reddit

Adding that generally in my area a full day costs £80-100 per day.

So if you are getting "30 hours free" you've got 2 days to pay. Let's say it's 80 (cheap)

2 x £80 per week = £160 4.6 weeks per month (roughly) = £736 per month

Plus if you pay consumables..
£1.50 per hour per 10 hour day = £15 per day £15 x 3 days a week = £45 £45 x 4.6 weeks a month = £207

£736 + £207 = £943 per month for "30 hours free childcare per month"

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Impossible-Fruit5097@reddit

An 8 hour day is 1 working day with no commute from the childcare drop off to the workplace and no lunch break so 24 hours doesn’t cover 3 days for full time parents.

Your own numbers show why it’s so common for women to drop to part time work. And the post is specifically asking how common it is to return to work full time.

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HideousTits@reddit

Most two parent families would share the pick up and drop off, and with it being a legal obligation for parents to be given reasonable flexible hours, it is usually possible for one to drop off and one to pickup and still work 8hr days.

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luciesssss@reddit

Its not a legal obligation to be given flexible working. It's a legal obligation to be able to request it. The business can say no.

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HideousTits@reddit

I was not aware of this. Seems like a completely pointless piece of legislation then I guess.

I would argue that it is at least worth requesting an adjusted start and finish time rather than just admitting defeat.

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Impossible-Fruit5097@reddit

Now you’re just making things up. People have a legal right to request flexible working but there is no obligation for companies to say yes.

The majority of childcare drop off and pick ups are done by mothers. Whether that should be the case or not is different. But you’re answering based on a fantasy of how a family should be and not what the norm in the UK actually is.

Three years after giving birth less than 50% of women who worked full-time before they gave birth are working full-time. That’s simply wouldn’t be true if it’s as easy as you are claiming.

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Dros-ben-llestri@reddit

Not every childcare facility that is open 7:00-18:00 is going to be happy having a child only taking 8 of those hours - it's not as if they can fill the 7:00-8:00 and 16:00-18:00 slot.

Nor do many childcare facilities allow you to take your child out and not pay. Some might allow term time only contracts, but then you've got 13 weeks off to manage.

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lotho54@reddit

Our nursery offers this as 2x10 hour days over 51 weeks and the other 2 hours are lost.

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daisygiraffe13@reddit

She wont get the funded childcare until theyre two years old though would they? Or has that changed, its been a few years since I had to worry about it.

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coffeewalnut08@reddit

It's starting from 9 months now: Free Childcare for Working Parents: Check if you're eligible - GOV.UK

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Agitated_Parsnip_178@reddit

From 23 weeks old, not long changed. Big improvement. Tax can also be claimed back.

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daisygiraffe13@reddit

This is incredible and will make a huge difference for working parents!

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BlueMagnolia20@reddit

"from 9 months" but it's a birthday lottery. I'm currently pregnant and because of when my baby is predicted to be born she won't be eligible until after she is a year old.

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HideousTits@reddit

No, it’s 9 months now.

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Ambitious-Elk-3350@reddit

Many employers don't allow you to be the primary carer of a child and 'work from home'. You work, or you care. Not both.

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TyrannosauraRegina@reddit

Yes, my work you can't be primary carer for a primary school age child or younger when working from home, except in an emergency.

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smithykate@reddit

Our nursery has fixed hours which depending on your starting and finishing times for work, may mean you’re paying for 9 hours a day even if they’re only in for 7 etc. they also have wrap around fees, so it doesn’t always cover most but it does make a difference. When we were paying fully and the hours came in it halved our fees and ours are in 3 days a week for about 7-8 hours each day (but the fixed hours mean this is actually calculated at 9 hours)

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Yikes44@reddit

In reality though, many nurseries charge huge extra costs. My daughter is paying £800 pcm for what should be 30 free hours. I think it's because the nursery's overheads aren't completely covered by the funding.

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Streathamite@reddit

It’s 30 hours per week during term time. Which covers 3 full days a week during term time and leaves all school holidays as full price. Depending on where in the country OP is located they could still be spending thousands a year on childcare.

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Clemtastic1@reddit

I am a single parent, I went back to work full time when my daughter was seven months. At the time I concluded I needed to be earning 45k plus to break even, presimably nursery fees have gone up since so that figure will have changed. My daughter is 9 now and I have always worked full time, the childcare costs continue!

If there are two of you, maybe your husband can pick some of the childcare responsibilities up?

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unsure_chihuahua93@reddit

Not one of my five close female friends who have two kids under 5 have gone back to full time work. However in several cases their (male) partners have also dropped down to part time work, so both partners are working 4 days/week for example. In one of those cases the mum is the much higher earner. In either case, 8 days total of work across two with two days of one parent home to look after the kids leaves them better off or the same as having one SAHP, with the advantage that neither of them has to give up their career entirely.

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Single_Elderberry_56@reddit

We are in the strange middle ground. My husband earns over 100k so we don’t get any government help, we also don’t get any childcare help from grandparents. Our mortgage is at a high percentage interest. I earn maybe just above average.

Believe me, I appreciate how lucky we are. But the nitty gritty finances are interesting. I have just had a second baby. With one child I could continue working with not much difference. He was in nursery. However with two children, because of ages would be in two different nurseries, half an hour apart as we live in the countryside.

My husband works away for a 5 day chunk once a month. We get 15 free hours for the older kid which brings his nursery down to £500 a month, and the little one would be £1400 a month from the age of one. That is pretty much my entire salary after tax. Any additional childcare would take me over my actual earnings. My husband pays for everything else, so childcare is my area.

I have basically decided to take a sabbatical for a year. I would rather have no money but no logistical stress, than no money and an incredibly stressful time juggling it all.

We are a higher than average income household and find it tough. That’s when you know things are screwed

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pocahontasjane@reddit

My child is 18mo and I came back full time but I work 3 x 12hr shifts and mostly nights which suits our family/childcare situation. We pay for 2 days a week with a childminder for 6hrs which lets me sleep after nights or gives me time to do chores/errands/have time to myself. Our parents come up for a morning to watch her if I need it between shifts.

I also make about 1k more than my partner so it's been useful as we moved house last year and it's going towards renovations.

If I worked 5 days a week, I'd not be full time. Even 3 days is a long time when you finish work and suddenly they're walking, saying new words and just look bigger 🥹

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DontCatchThePigeon@reddit

Don't forget that the mums you're meeting at baby groups are there because they have the time, so more likely to be not at work for at least some of the week.

I went back full time initially, but actually it turned out that the difference financially between full time and 3 days a week was only about £100 a month once childcare was taken into account, so I took the drop for the extra time at home. It's probably worth doing the maths on it, but remember that time away from work is also time away from potential promotions, career development opportunities and so on. It is hard to juggle work and kids, but you're not on your own for having to do it.

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angry2320@reddit

Really good comment, about the maths and especially about missing promotions etc.

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LongjumpingDesk4026@reddit

I went in full time when my baby was one, I pretty much had a breakdown by the time they were 18 months old. I realised it wasn’t worth the stress or missing out on those important early years so luckily I was in a position to reduce down to 3 days a week.

She’s six now and I increased to 4 days a week then.

I

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Clunge_Warrior@reddit

Abandoning your kid when it's one is such a terrible thing to do.

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winthewarpie@reddit

I work with young families and most women tend to work part time because of the costs of childcare. Even women with professional jobs and higher salaries find it’s not worth the stress and costs just to bring home a few hundred extra a month

If people are fortunate enough to have mum/ mum in law to help with child care that’s a great help. It might be worth considering a nanny share if you have friends with babies and they’re usually paid by the hour not per child….or they were when mine were little but that was years back

There should be more subsidised childcare in the UK. I was paying £60 a day 15 years ago!

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ILikeToRead_Posts@reddit

So it is definitely is possible! I work full time (36 hours)

A few things to consider though: 1. I have progressed in my career to the point that my salary covers the cost of childcare & I’m not just working ‘for free’ after we have paid for the childcare. 2. I have been in my role quite a while & have mastered it well, so it is mostly second nature to me now. 3. Despite the above points, I have still had points where juggling work, mum life & the household has been very overwhelming for me. When my child was 1-3 years old there were some really difficult times trying to balance it all. It should be noted that my husband also works long hours (approx 50+ hours a week, some weeks quite a bit more) & that also factors into the overwhelm for me because I was picking up the bulk of house & child stuff whilst also juggling my own work.

There are pros & cons to it. I just knew that personally I could not be a SAHM & even though it’s hard juggling everything, it works best for me. I have also consistently paid into my pension, I don’t have any gaps in my employment & as a family we are comfortable financially.

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Strange_Cranberry_22@reddit

I think it depends on a lot of factors personal to you, what motivates you, what your financial situation is like, and what your child is like. For me, I had to take a step up to a more senior role to break even on nursery fees (I had twins) and concluded that doing the job I was doing would probably be less stressful done in full time rather than part time hours. Otherwise had the finances worked differently I probably would have aimed for something part time.

The first year or so was horrible, but now I really enjoy my job and it has paid off career-wise. I’m really lucky that my current job is flexible, I am in control of my own workload and I can take time off for sports day, school events etc easily. Without that it would be hard.

I still get envious of the mums who work less, particularly the ones with now school-age children who drop theirs off and then trot off to the gym. However I also know part-time working mums who are stressed out despite the fewer hours! It’s all very personal. All you can do is give it a go I guess.

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Aromatic-Story-6556@reddit

I returned part time. I work Monday to Wednesday. I’m in Wales so we don’t get help with childcare costs until they turn 3, and then that stops the July after they turn 3. I only went back to work to keep my job. There was no financial incentive since most of my wage is taken by nursery fees.

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VioletPenguin1@reddit

I went into a new full time job after 13 months away. 5 days a week was exhausting so I now do a 9 day fortnight. I’d like to do a proper 4 day week but can’t afford to.

Good luck with your claim OP x

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RadiantTown9154@reddit

Initially I did, then a huge chunk of my salary was going on childcare and my son was ill ALL the time, I ended up going part time and that worked much better

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PP_PenguinPower@reddit

Hey I'm really sorry to hear about everything that happened with your job right before you had your baby! If you need any advice it might be worth checking out the charity pregnant then screwed, I think they may be able to offer legal advice. https://pregnantthenscrewed.com/

It really hard to know what the right thing to do is, don't feel bad if everyone else seems to be doing things differently to you, whatever works best for you is what's best!

I know a few people who have gone back full time and some who have gone back part time. I personally went back part time, I work three days, I get to spend a day with my little one and I also get a day to myself to pick up some house chores and study as I'm trying to progress in my career. Me and my partner discussed it and decided that if I reduced my income but could get my qualification quicker it would work out best in the long term. We are also extremely fortunate to have both our mothers living nearby who want to take care of our child one day each, the other two days he goes to nursery. This works for us but it may be different for you and your partner.

Whatever you decide just know you're doing a great job. I hope you can enjoy the rest of your time with your little one and everything falls into place for you. Take care OP!

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nerdgirl9319@reddit

Hi! I have 3 kids and 1 bonus child. After my first, I went to uni, then worked full time after graduating, by then I only had a few months of childcare fees before she started school. After number 2, I worked 30 hours a week, nursery 1 day and then family helped out the rest until she started school. Now with baby number 3, we get 30 hours per week free childcare now in the UK which is amazing (term time only though) so I will go back to work 30 hours per week and try to use annual leave for most of the school hols with family help for anything I can’t cover with annual leave. Not quite full time but near enough. Also I have progressed steadily in my career so it is possible, especially if you have supportive family/in-laws that can help.

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Friendly_Order3729@reddit

My sister did, but she and her husband are very well off and my mum has the kid one day a week.

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DecisionTime2392@reddit

I work full time and have since I went back to work after mat leave in 2020. I have two kids 4 and 6. I used/use nursery 3 days, my mum does one day and my husband one day. Do t get me wrong it has been challenging- the mental load, juggling childcare, stress of work, nearly being made redundant a few times, coming home after a full busy day and go straight into mum life is tough some days. I wouldn’t change it - my career is growing and my kids are thriving.

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dumpthegarbage@reddit

Hi - congrats on the baby! One of the main reasons to go back to work as soon as you can comfortably do so is to build up your work experience. The earlier you do it, the more employable and experienced you will be in the long run. If you wait until your child is old enough for wrap around care at school, you’ll have missed out on work experience years. You can do this. You have a ton of great advice in this post. You’ve got this.

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Dutch_Slim@reddit

I did. My kids are 2.5 years apart. Youngest nearly 12. Went back both times when baby was 8 months old.

My mum did most of the childcare (she semi retired for this, but she was 64) and they did both have a couple of days at nursery once they were 3.

And the stupidest part is my husband was unemployed until my youngest was 6!

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katie120888@reddit

I come back to full time job when my child was 6y old

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Noeggs70@reddit

I worked full time after maternity leave. We were lucky to get family help for 4 days and used a childminder for one. I remember calculating how much I earnt for one day and realising it still made sense to work full time. It's hard going even with family help good luck.

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Mysterious-Nature964@reddit

Yes me 🙋🏼‍♀️ I went back to work full time when my baby was 4 months old.

Financial reasons have a play in that but mainly because I didn’t want to put a pause on my career that I’ve worked hard for just because I’m a woman. Baby is 11 months old now and I’ve had a big promotion in the 7 months that I’ve been back and my career is excelling.

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Short-Amphibian-8073@reddit

I’m back full time after my baby, but changed my hours so it’s 8-6 4 days a week. My husband is less than full time.

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jajajunkie@reddit

I returned full time and my (male) partner drooped down to 4 days. This made sense financially but now due to various factors we are swapping. It’s been like this for 2 years. Yes it has been hard but it worked for us. Good luck what ever you decide

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androidfifteen@reddit

I'm currently on maternity leave with my second baby. I went back full time after my first and will go back full time again after this leave. However, with full time childcare costs, literally more than 2/3 of my salary will be spent on childcare. Thankfully my husband has a good salary too so we can manage it.

It's hard to work once you have kids. I do it because I find being a full time SAHM way harder than working, but it's definitely not easy to balance work and parenting. I don't really work extra hours (I'm a teacher, so this is highly frowned upon as we don't have enough contractual hours to actually do everything we're expected to do), rarely go to work socials or trips, and generally don't care as much about my job as I used to (I see it as a job now, which tbh is how it SHOULD be seen). Also in the 7 years I was at my school before my son, I maybe had a total of 10 days off. In the one year I went back between my maternity leaves, I was off for at least 15 days because my son would get sick, I'd have to stay home with him and take that day or two off, then I would get sick (and got quite sick each time with my second pregnancy).

So essentially, yes, you can work full time, but it's much harder. There's an expectation that mothers will do most of the parenting (even when you have a supportive and active father in the picture like my husband), and you will likely stagnate in terms of career progression, at least for a few years. But for me, it keeps me feeling like I have more of a purpose than just being a mother and it gives me more independence than if I wasn't working full time.

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New_Complex_5126@reddit

To answer your question. It is possible to go back to work full time, but only if its worth your while, ie you can afford childcare. (Hopefully your company has signed up with childcare vouchers) From experiance, It can be a nightmare at 1st because they catch everthing! If you're in a new job, they're probably not going to be sympathetic if you are off repeatedly. If your partner could cover these sick days for the first 12 months, it would be helpful.

I literally worked for nothing for 5 years as all my wages just about covered nursery. Only advantage to going back to work was I was paying into my pension scheme.

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mxr0se@reddit

I work full time and my job is important to me, I'd never want to go part time if I can avoid it.

Both times I used annual leave to phase myself back in over the first few months back, which helped keep the nursery fees down as long as I could. Childcare is expensive (two in nursery full time at the moment, eldest starting school in September), but it's not more than either of our wages which I think is the tipping point in a lot of families.

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Recent-Detective-247@reddit

Yes I can’t afford to go part time

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SerenaDreamchaser@reddit

It depends on how much you make. I worked it out, and if I went back full time, I’d essentially only be making £25 a day on every fifth day I worked after taxes and childcare. So I’d be working four full days for an extra £100… it makes no sense to me. It’s because of how the system works (with the tax free allowance, student loans, and free hours being approx 22 hours a week for the full year).

Working the first half of the week makes sense, but the benefits in terms of income quickly taper off and some people even end up worse off. Then again, some choose to do it for career progression purposes so it can make sense, depending on your goals…

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jamietherocket_ship@reddit

I know you have a bunch of comments already but I am now 2 years into motherhood!

I couldn’t find anything while super pregnant (got really close but they kept asking me back for 3rd interviews and so on and I just looked so much bigger during that time)

Finally started working at a school as a teacher when my son was 5-6 months old. Quit after 1 year because I hate teaching at my school district.

Part-time worked as a Kindergarten Aftercare program

And NOW I finally work full-time at a 8am-5pm, 5 days a week, and my son goes to pre-k right now as a 2 year old

It gets better eventually! Just try to find any support system in the meantime from family members to take over a little while you do interviews and stuff

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Equal-Group6113@reddit

I went back full time just before my daughter turned one. We are in a very fortunate position that I work from home 3 days a week, the nursery is a 10 minute walk from our house (and on the way to the office) and my MiL has her the other two days. With the 30 free hours it works out around £360 a month. If my MIL wasn’t able to have her I would have 100% had to go part time.

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Correct_Variety5105@reddit

I work full time OP. I started back when my daughter was 1, at 4 days a week for the first 9 months and then upped it to 5 days a week. I chose a childminder rather than nursery as it was less expensive and allowed for earlier drop off as my shifts start earlier than most standard office type jobs.

In England anyway, childcare is tax free. So if, for example a childminder charges £6 an hour, you pay £4.80 an hour and the government tops up the extra £1.20. We got 15 free hours a week (term time only) from age 2 and 30 hours from age 3. But I think that starts from 9 months old as long as both parents work over a certain amount (i think 16 hours a week).

Also, if you can either find a job with slightly offset hours to your partner, or if you can organise some flexi working with hours you can reduce the number of hours needed at childcare (e.g. if one of you does 8-4 and the other does 10-6, you could do childcare from 9:30-4:30 rather than 8:30-5:30 if you both did 9-5 jobs).

Best of luck!

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Mickleshake@reddit

It's possible but expensive. My partner took 12 months off with our first, then 3 months with the second. Already established in her career and always planned on sticking with it. She wanted to return to work, full time. Very expensive to put them both in nursery but short term pain for long term gain (finances and sanity). It works for us. Harder, I imagine, if you're breaking back into a new job after a long time out of the picture...

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Chaxsuba@reddit

I think it depends on the person, the industry and the commute tbh - we have 3 children and my partner went back to work 4 days a week after our first. She enjoyed it but felt she didn't have much control over her work and was a bit side-lined. She also liked the 3-day weekend, but felt the pull towards work on her day off.

After our second, she went back to work full-time and has enjoyed the work/life balance a lot more. She's on mat leave now and is returning soon, but is planning on going back full-time and is looking forward to it.

It doesn't always have to be a negative experience, although I understand why it is for a lot of women returning to work. With 3, both of us have pretty hectic diaries, but that's kind of life, I think. GL

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lem00003@reddit

I still work full-time but had to change career. I naively thought I could keep my career and be a mum but wasn’t to be. I now earn about £15k a year less in a job that is boring as hell but it is 9-5 with no stress.

I think it largely depends what you do for work and how much support you have with the baby. My son goes to nursery full time but the expense cripples us. We have no other support as neither set of grandparents help.

Good luck - I think whatever you do be prepared to be absolutely shattered all the time - and to have no time for yourself.

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Far-Hospital-9961@reddit

OP, I just wanted to add to this that you should also be prepared for the best experience of your entire life. You’ll make it work, and absolutely nothing can take away from your baby’s first smile, their first steps etc.

We all find it so easy to describe the negative parts like this (I do too!), but the best bits are quite literally indescribable and they so so far outweigh the bad in every single way.

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Ok-Nectarine-6024@reddit

Yes I work full time and always have. I earn more than my husband so he doesn’t work Fridays and looks after our daughter then. If you earn more than your partner and one of you needs to work less to afford childcare (which is unfortunately the norm), it would make sense for him to be the one to step back. I also know people where both partners go down to 4 days a week so that they can afford childcare using just the 30 funded hours for 3 days, which massively eases the bill. Short answer is most women work part time after children but that doesn’t mean you necessarily have to. Good luck and try to keep positive. And congratulations on your baby!

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Mission_Push_6546@reddit

I know many people that went back full time. I also know quite a few people that went back 4 days a week and partner another 4 days so the baby only needs nursery for 3 days to bring the costs down. Some jobs allow you to do longer days so you don’t lose a full day of pay a week.

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Wise-Independence487@reddit

Mothers? Why not parents? If your partner isn’t the main breadwinner then can’t he stay home when you find a job?

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Chance-Bread-315@reddit

Mothers? Why not parents?

Perfectly understandable for OP to seek perspectives from other mothers who are in a similar boat. You know quite well that it is different for men on the whole.

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Euphoric-Wall-2576@reddit

Usually that's because men earn more though, so it makes more sense to keep their full wage. In this case OP says neither parent is earning much. It's a reasonable question to ask, even if it turns out there are good reasons why it would be OP that stays home or goes part-time.

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TyrannosauraRegina@reddit

Usually the man earns more money because the woman is expected to take a 5-6 year career break (or at least stagnation) to care for the children.

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Euphoric-Wall-2576@reddit

Yes, these two things reinforce one another. None of that changes the fact that it's reasonable to ask whether the woman staying home is the only option if they're both earning similarly. Not everyone does it that way.

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TyrannosauraRegina@reddit

If they're both earning similarly, they should also ask if the man should stay home. It seems people rarely consider that an option, however.

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Euphoric-Wall-2576@reddit

Exactly!

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Quelly0@reddit

My brother in law stayed at home as the primary carer for this reason, for a few years while their kids were young. It worked out well for them.

I know another family who alternate! One year the mum stays at home while the dad works full time. The next year he stays at home while she works full time. They work in different sectors but apparently it's common in both to have 12 month contracts, so they realised they could take it in turns.

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Elle-Crossing@reddit

Through UC 85% of childcare will be reimbursed! I feel you it’s so tough

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FortuneMundane7896@reddit

I went back full time, I am the only one out of 6 in my NCT class who did

It’s not impossible, we don’t have family around but have a very supportive workplace and my husband and I worked hard to share tasks in a way which felt equitable

It is not easy and sometimes I want to drop hours but I would end up working full time for less pay due to my role and personality

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blxcklst@reddit

I’ve not had a child yet, but I will in the next couple years and absolutely planning to go back to work, even if it was cheaper not to (we don’t have any family close by). It’s already insanely hard to go back to your career after maternity leave, let alone a few years’ break.

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Fit_General7058@reddit

I worked full time. Nursery, then breakfast and after school club.

Its not impossible at all.

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EvilThre3@reddit

Everyone looks at this wrong and are too focused on the 9-5 working hours. Get a fixed hour contract elsewhere during the evenings and weekends. You have more money compared to working and paying for childcare, when you get the free hours find a pre school place in a real school. Due to cuts they are desperate for numbers. Then see if you can pick up more hours. Just find something that will pay you money for a few years. care worker, fast food etc. Just anything for them hours.

Also cut down on cost. The £10 here and there start to add up, you can get sim only contracts now for £4 when all major ones want £20 for the same thing. Swap between Netflix, D+ etc. don't have all of them at once.

My partner used to work 40-60 hours weeks. Since a baby she will do about 26 hours. We do ok. We been to Disneyland Paris this year and got a week in Cornwall booked. So don't panic .

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dprophet32@reddit

My partner has not worked for two years after we had our baby (her fourth). She did work soon after the others but with ours she wanted to take that time out and being older it helped. She's now about to go back to work.

It works for us because we both meet the threshold to qualify for the 30+ hours a week he needs covered by the government which is free effectively.

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ecasun@reddit

Check out the charity ‘Smart Works’ they helped my sister get back into work after being pregnant x

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Whole_Necessary2040@reddit

I have a mortgage in London. I'll use my earned leave to do 'part-time' from 9m for a year, and after go full time. Can't afford it otherwise.

I'll be honest, I'm already sad just thinking about not seeing my little gremlin every day. But what can you do?

At least it's better than my mum who went back at 2m full time.

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Top_Mirror211@reddit

If they have childcare yes but I don’t think it’s right. Some do because they simply have no choice. Also ‘losing’ your job while 8 months pregnant doesn’t sound lawful. Escalate it and cash your check sis 💕

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Humble_Lack_2977@reddit

I went back full time when my daughter was 5 months old, admittedly im a teacher which helps with childcare. Weve used nursery, childminders and now my husband can WFH so he does all the school runs, morning routines and I work. It was hard but it was doable because he is a really active parent and fabulous

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nuclear-pole@reddit

I'm currently on maternity leave with baby #2. With baby #1, I went back full time when he was 9 months. This time I would like to go back part time, mostly because I want to spend more time with them but also because of childcare costs (I earn over the threshold for funded hours but working part time would bring be below so I'd be basically as well off whilst working less). My partner works a weird shift pattern and so I basically single-parent a large proportion of the time for our two babies and his two daughters as well as working. It's ridiculously difficult and I was on antidepressants before the most recent pregnancy. My job is also high stress and I'm the breadwinner so it's a lot of responsibility! If I only had one baby, I would have stayed in work full time though.

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tar-mirime@reddit

I went back to work after six months, started on the same hours, which were slightly less than what is considered full time.

Financially I had no choice, but I was fortunate that my parents were providing childcare.

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HeartyBeast@reddit

Who earns more, you or your partner? I was the stay at home dad, because my wife earned substantially more

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NoTest5984@reddit (OP)

I earned slightly more before I lost my job, but I do have a higher earning potential than him

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Relative_Sea3386@reddit

Childcare costs are borne by two parents, not the mother.

I find the lingering idea that mums have more childcare or household responsibilities than dads infuriating. It is 200 years after 1826.

Luckily in my circle most women have their own careers and modern husbands who help juggle and are hands-on dads (vs boomer generation dads who wait to be served food). It's expected to see dads as much as mums at teacher evenings, school/nursery pick ups, with their child at the dentist/doctor's, playgrounds etc.

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LetMeEatCake88@reddit

I currently do it and have toddler twins. I’m fortunate in that I have family do childcare for two days, wfh full time and both partner and I have compressed working. If just one of these things were to change we’d be screwed.

I’m also slowly accepting that, for now at least, I’m doing enough to stay employed. I think you can work full time after having a baby, but the quality and effort you put into your work/role will definitely be impacted.

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IansGotNothingLeft@reddit

I intended to, but I didn't. I had fantastic maternity benefits, and got over a year with holiday accrual. She turned 1, I went back to work on weekends (retail management), and eventually decided that I just could do it. I was exhausted and still breast feeding.

Anyway, partner was not on fantastic money. We struggled so much. I started my own small business at home after she went to primary school full time. We still struggled a lot, but it was much better with a small amount of extra income. Eventually, I lost all sense of who I was and I needed to get back out there.

We saved a massive amount of money on childcare and I cherish the time that I had with her when she was tiny. But we had a really hard time with money and it took a toll on my mental health. So please do consider this very carefully. There's some good middle ground in working part time.

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This_Rom_Bites@reddit

I've worked with quite a few who did, but they only really did it successfully if they had bulletproof childcare and back-up arrangements sorted.

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superseally@reddit

I am a teacher and went back full time knowing that I would have the holidays off to make up for the guilt society and other mothers put on me by saying ohh you work full time, why?! It’s best decision for my career and pay but it’s hard, ultimately i could drop days but my daughter is happy at nursery and work makes me feel like a person not just a mum! The mum guilt I have received comes from other mums who work less, never have I been made to feel bad from nursery workers or makes, most admire that I do it and my child is thriving.

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marquis_de_ersatz@reddit

About half I'd say. But finding a part-time job with good hours for school is tough, so there are people working full-time that wish they could drop down and can't, and people not working at all who wish they could find a part-time job but can't.

I feel like it's not hard to move up from a part-time job to full time, unless you are stuck in some really specific niche.

I work 22 hours and worry about my pension, but if I could afford it I wouldn't work at all so it doesn't bother me. Over all my life is a lot happier working less and having no stress over childcare.

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TylerDarkness@reddit

It gets more difficult when they reach school age as the school day obviously finishes during full-time work hours. The handful of families I know with all parents working full-time working hours use wraparound care like after school clubs or childminders, but it's more logistics than full days in nursery when they're younger. I went back to work full-time for a few months after my first baby but it didn't work out and I got a part-time job for 24 hours after that. I'm really glad that I did because my son is now at a nursery that does school hours so I can pick him up on my non-office days (though I'm on mat leave with my second baby now).

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eastyorkshirepudding@reddit

I don’t think working part time means not having a career. I work 4 days a week by choice to spend more time with my son and still have a “career job”, as do many women in my company. My manager, who is the CEO of our business, works 4 days a week.

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coffeewalnut08@reddit

You can qualify for 30hrs of free childcare after your kid turns 9 months old: Free Childcare for Working Parents: Check if you're eligible - GOV.UK.

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UnableJackfruit6539@reddit

Out of our NCT group 6/7 mums have returned to full time work - but I think we’re a rarity as most couples the salaries are similar if not higher for the mums. Most of my colleagues who are parents are either both in work f/t or both p/t to share the load.

I think what skews it is both groups are people in professions or managerial roles and working for companies who have to publish gender pay gap statistics - so it’s something which is an ongoing consideration.

Given career progression is these roles I think there’s a common recognition that even if childcare is ‘cost neutral’ at the time there’s it’s worth the expense just to continue to accrue the years of experience.

It’s a shame that more people aren’t either able to - or don’t - take a long term view on it.

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Ok-Rip-8461@reddit

My husband and I both work full time. I have flexed my hours so I work 7-3 with a half hour lunch break and my husband works 9-5. That way my child is only in nursery 9-3 (it’s a 1 min walk away luckily). I think it depends on the job you are in and how supportive they are of flexed hours.

For what it’s worth, I was crying pretty much everyday feeling like I was going to be abandoning my baby, but he has THRIVED. He’s got lots of friends, he’s learning so much so quickly, he’s confident, happy and we’ve still got the best attachment. Don’t listen to any of the silly videos that try to make you feel bad about having to/wanting to earn a living and build a career. I think it’s fantastic for kids to see their mum working hard and setting good examples of being strong and independent, whether you’re a SAHM running a house, or a working mum building a career.

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P4nt4rei@reddit

"all of the other mums at baby groups are stay at home mums or work part time."

It makes you wonder why not many people are having children...

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BrilliantClarity@reddit

Yes , not only I returned to full time work in a senior position when my son was 4 months but I also returned to full time work after my twins were 6 months.

However, I have gone for a bit less senior position now. As you can imagine 3 small kids are a lot of work!

Worth noting I had family help until all children turned 14-15 months and went to nursery. So I was very lucky in that respect. I understand why others might take longer there otherwise.

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Far-Hospital-9961@reddit

I earn more than my husband, and I returned FT.

DH does drop-off in the morning while I get ready for work and start earlier (I moved my hours very slightly) and then I do the pick-up.

Do I feel guilty? Sometimes. But do I think it’s what’s best for our family in the long-run? Yes, I do. I genuinely think my son will be better off for it.

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BlendinMediaCorp@reddit

I went back to work full time after both mat leaves, one at 12m and one at 18m (but only as I had lost my previous job, otherwise it would’ve been 12m).

We pay full time nursery for both kids currently but it still works out to less than what I earn each month. I also wanted to work to keep my career going, and because we needed 2 incomes on file to qualify for our mortgage. (The latter wasn’t really a consideration though if I’m honest. I just wanted to be working) We have no family support but my partner is a fully hands-on parent, he probably does more parenting than I do.

Where I come from, it’s not very usual for women in my area to work part time after kids. So I guess I had that work culture in my head and it was either full time or nothing. I do wonder sometimes if I’d now want to go down to part time but I honestly do enjoy working with adults … I think it makes me a more patient and creative parent, and a more fulfilled person. (Very very subjective thing obviously!)

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Ok-Onion-5012@reddit

Look at civil service jobs. They have some WFH positions. I have two children (5 and 2) both went to nursery from 1 year and we make it work.

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Ruu2D2@reddit

Most civil service job will not allow you to child care and wfh

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WickedWitchofTheE@reddit

You get 30 free hours after 9 months old so if your full time job is 40 hrs you either pay out of pocket for the extra ten or work ten less hours. There are some additional costs as well for food and supplies

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Capable_Tip7815@reddit

When I was married I worked 3 days a week with my daughter being in nursery 2 days and my mum did 1 day. When I separated my daughter was 2.5 so I went back full time. I upped nursery to 3 days and my mum did a day. My ex and I went halves on childcare fees.

I only had the one child which made everything a lot easier and my mum. My daughter started nursery school 2 or 3 days so I asked for the days that my mum had my daughter as they were half day placements.

Once she started school (they go full time from after the October break in primary one) I had after school club and my mum.

I had Scottish government nursery subsidy of sorts (not benefits but government contributes so much to a certain amount of hours) and used the childcare voucher things through work to help with costs.

Nursery fees are RIDICULOUS! And not exactly an incentive to return to work.

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lookhereisay@reddit

I went back 3 days a week. Most mums in my office come back 2/3 days a week with a handful doing 4/5 days (they tended to be at a higher level job/pay than I’m at).

Within a few years of being done with having babies a lot go back to full time or get the side hustles going.

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exxcathedra@reddit

I work full time. It is possible. I worked from home for a while when my kids were babies and then went hybrid when my youngest was 3.

It requires a flexi time agreement (leaving earlier occasionally and making up for the hours later in the evening) and parents splitting childcare duties 50%. The children always have one parent around, but not usually both of us simultaneously day to day.

I struggled the first few years but now it works like clockwork.

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Bigorls@reddit

Full time working single mum here. Went back to work at 10 months PP as left an abusive relationship! I’m a data engineer, not going to lie it’s harddddddd and exhausting and all the rest but nothing makes you work Harder than knowing you are providing for your baby! Do I wish I had a partner that could pay for all these things yes, but my daughter will know I worked my ass off every damn night when she went to sleep to be in the position I am now.

For reference I’m on 80k, when I returned to work at 10m PP I was on 38, this was nearly 3 years ago.

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Longjumping-Eye2758@reddit

I went back full time after both my babies. Took 6 months shared parental leave and my husband took the other 6 months. It has never made sense for me to work part time as I earn more than him, but it was tough at points when we were both working full time. There's just never enough time in the week. He's now dropped down to 3 days a week and it's much more relaxed.

I am in the minority of mums I'm friends with, sadly. Many don't work at all. Others work 3 or (more commonly) 4 days a week. But while I may not be in the norm, I am so so glad I didn't go part time. In my job working 4 days a week means I'd still get the same workload but have less time to do it, on 20% less pay!! Instead, I work 5 days, get paid 100% of my salary, but Friday is a super quiet and chilled day as everyone WFH and so many mums have it as a non working day!

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New_Ask2287@reddit

I lost job at 12 weeks (due to company going insolvent). Started a new job at 16 weeks. Went on mat leave at 38 weeks. Came back when little one was 8.5 months. I was working Monday - Wednesday and half a day on Thursday. We didn’t do nursery at that time, husband swapped Monday for Saturday at his job and grandparents helped. We carried on that way until little one was 18 months. Then nursery started and I came back 4 extended days a week (to make 5 days hourly). But at the same time an opportunity came to change jobs with better benefits and significant pay increase. I went for it, and work full time since my child was 22 months. We do nursery and grandparents still. My husband is extremely supportive, we share days off, housework.

I also breastfed almost 2.5 years.

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Squeak_Stormborn@reddit

According to the ONS, 75% of UK mothers work at 50% of them work full-time. It's definitely possible.

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Ruu2D2@reddit

Most mother i know gone back full time or if they gone to part time it like 30 hours

They either doing longer day

Flexible working

Alternatively shift patten with partners

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smileystarfish@reddit

I am working full time with my toddler in nursery full time. Despite the cost of nursery we are still "in-profit".

What makes it easier is that my husband works from home full time and the nursery is in walking distance, so he can do pick up and drop off a lot easier than I can when I commute into the office. Plus he doesn't have to rely on having the car.

Yes it's hard, but it will be cheaper when she's at school.

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frikadela01@reddit

I returned full time after my first and will be going back full time again (in 3 weeks). We both work in the NHS but im the high earner and have a "career" whereas my husband has been at the same lower level for over 20 years.

Every other nurse I know has reduced hours after maternity leave, even when they are higher earners. I guess because the shifts can be difficult to work childcare around.

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luala@reddit

Why don’t you scope out your childcare options and then decide. I think it’s impossible to generalise but if you can get family support for childcare it’s an absolute game changer. My husband and I are fairly well paid but childcare costs were massive. I’m the higher earner so it would have been him staying home.

I know people who do it various ways. One option is to look after someone else’s kid while you are home but it isn’t very stable. Honestly it’s completely unaffordable to have kids.

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LCPO23@reddit

I have twins, I've tried and failed to work full time. I changed jobs, areas, departments, hours, tried working 3 longer days, nights, weekends.

I've tried all sorts of things over the last 9yrs, well 8 as I had mat leave, and I couldn't make full time work.

I have friends with children who do work full time but the majority of mums I know work part time at least while their children are younger. The majority of them also tend to stay part time even when their kids are older and just pick up extra shifts here and there.

You'll know what you can manage though and there's nothing to say you won't be able to, some do.

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clovenheart1066@reddit

I worked full time until my eldest started school, it was a well enough paid job thag we could afford nursery for 2 (it was also attached to the job, so cheaper). But when my eldest started school, i got a term time job. So now I work full time, but term time at 10k less than i was on. I have absolutely no time for myself, but also i dont have the headache of organising mine and the hubs annual leave to accommodate school holidays. IMO worth if for the primary school years, i can climb back up the pay scale when they hit secondary school.

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StormySally@reddit

I went back to work as a care assistant when my first was 8 weeks old, second 6 weeks old and third 3 months old. I only worked part time after the first (long day Saturday and early Sunday), and my mum helped me babysit (couldn’t have done that without her), after the second I had help from my daughters god parents and I paid them to look after the two of them (I was full time at that point). After the third (full time as well), my mum mostly helped and one was at nursery. My husband worked shifts, so we were often on different days or times. My kids are adults now, childcare was equally expensive back then. At one point my whole income went on nursery and breakfast/after school clubs. Thing I learned from all that is, yes it was nice to escape for a bit, but I really regret I didn’t spend longer with them. If you can, take time to enjoy your baby, or find something part time, so you can still enjoy them more.

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WitchyWoo9@reddit

I worked part time until my twins went to school then I went back full time. It wasn't cost effective to work full time when they were little as the cost in childcare would have taken most of my wages.

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Bl0ndie69@reddit

Yes. I returned to work after having both of my kids.

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Worth_Kangaroo_6900@reddit

I did. Went back when baby was 4 months old due to partner income.

Yes it was hard but relied on partner actually parenting. Some sticky moments. Massive mum guilt at times. 12 years on; was it worth it? Yes. Kids are bigger and more independent and I’m really settled career wise. Did I miss stuff? Also yes. Has it got easier to be present for more activities / end of day chats and homework support now that I’m more senior? Also yes. Caveat is that I took a job a grade below (so from AD to head of) a year ago as my then 9/10 year old was struggling.

In early days it often felt like most mums didn’t work full time but I began to find my people slowly.

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EasternAlgae2361@reddit

You’re a superwoman ❤️

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Inevitable-Celery481@reddit

I could have wrote that myself. I have worked full time (paid and unpaid). Glad I did because it set me when I finally left him for the exact reasons you describe.

My work load has halved since I left and I can focus more time on my kids. When I look back, I do think if I hadn’t worked, I would have been less resentful but we wouldn’t have been able to keep a roof over our heads!

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-xtwilightprincessx-@reddit

I don’t know how people afford to not go back full Time 🫠

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Kim_catiko@reddit

I still work full-time, couldn't afford not to despite what many people say about it being worthwhile for one parent to stay at home to reduce childcare costs. If I did that, we would not have been able to pay our mortgage. I also earn more than my husband.

What I did was change jobs to one that I lived closer to and I compressed my hours, so I get a day off in the week. I can also work from home too so that helps a lot.

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crespanddep@reddit

“Forget about a career and look for part-time work” why does working part-time mean it’s not a career? Have a look at Civil Service jobs, lots of roles will let you work 3 or 4 days. Or if you really need the full-time wage, some roles will let you compress full-time hours into 4 days

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BG3restart@reddit

My daughter and both of my sons' partners returned to work full-time. If you have a career rather than just a job, it's pretty much essential to ensure that you don't miss out on promotions going forward.

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Chance-Bread-315@reddit

Mothers in work

Three-quarters (75%) of mothers overall, that is of mothers of children aged between 0 and 14 years, reported that they were in work (Accompanying Table 8.5), an increase from 72% in 2023. This is compared to 93% of fathers.

Of these mothers, over two in five (44%) reported that they were working full-time, an increase from 39% in 2023 (Accompanying Table 8.5).

This is from a survey done by the Department for Education in 2024, published 2025. (2025's figures will be published this July.)

Source: https://explore-education-statistics.service.gov.uk/find-statistics/childcare-and-early-years-survey-of-parents/2024#section-6-mothers-work-and-childcare

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TyrannosauraRegina@reddit

So 44% of 75% of mothers are in FT work, around 33% overall.

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Vegetable_Adagio5690@reddit

I work full time but use unpaid parental leave to take extra holiday in the school holidays to help with childcare.

Out of all my friends and family there are only 2 of us that work FT. It's definitely a juggle but I think coming back to work FT from the beginning made it easier to get into a routine.

I've had numerous conversations with school to say I need notice to get time off to attend things and they are getting better with that. Most of my colleagues have kids so we all support each other and I work for a really good org that has good Flexi policies as well.

I tell myself it's what we want as a family to have the nice life we do and get to do the experiences and holidays we enjoy. If I didn't work FT that just wouldn't be possible. I'm not for a moment saying that these things are essentials and I didn't have them as a child but that's why we made the decision we did.

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WillingApplication10@reddit

We did the maths and 5 days bumps me up a tax bracket. The tax vs childcare cost meant that fifth day was bringing us in an extra £44 a month. That wasn't worth it to us so I'm at 4 days. Another woman in my work is full time, but get husband is a stay at home dad. I wish my husband could be a stay at home dad 😂 I might go back full time when she gets her funded hours at three, or I might have another baby 😅 who knows.

All of the mums I made friends with on mat leave are going back to work, but it seems to be a mixed bag of part vs full time. Self employed mums were back ASAP!

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LucyLovesApples@reddit

It can be done with support but I went temporarily part time till they were older and it nursery/school

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Salt_Specific_740@reddit

I work full time but it's shift work, 7-19:30 and my partner works shifts too, and we can both change between nights and days so we can manage childcare that way.

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Sad-Basis7411@reddit

If women look for a man that can support a stay at home mum plus entertainment/shopping money, they will be branded as gold digger.

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GillzZ_22@reddit

I went back part time with my first daughter and then moved over to full time by the summer and then went back full time after my second daughter. Some months my childcare bill is £1000 usually during the school holidays when my kids are with their childminder full time and I don't have funding to help. But those 30hours a week are a godsend!

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Ana_Phases@reddit

Yes. Went back FT and intend to do so again after my second maternity leave. I’m too far invested to lose out on career progression.

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thecheesycheeselover@reddit

Yes, I’ve worked with quite a few mothers, who were all full-time. In recent years I’ve noticed that there’s been (at least in my workplaces) a lot more flexibility for parents, allowing them to take a couple of hours to pick up kids, take them to appointments, etc, and make up the time afterwards. It’s a good thing, hopefully it’s becoming more normalised.

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TheSecretIsMarmite@reddit

I went back full time after babies 1, 2 and 3! I could not have done it though without a supportive partner. We flexed our hours so I started early and he started late so we could save an hour each day on childminder fees (which adds up), and pulled in the same direction about stuff.

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FPRorNothing@reddit

It's absolutely possible. If you're a single parent it may be more tricky, but not impossible. DOI: mam working full time.

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Rage_fotf@reddit

I worked full time after a baby. It was fine. Worse is doing 4 days a week because they expect 5 days of work for less pay.

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Redgrapefruitrage@reddit

You absolutely can work full time and many mothers do.

Me personally, I work 3 days a week, going to maybe increase it to 4 in the new year, but I don’t personally want to work full time until my son has started school. This is because I quite like the balance of 3 days a week. I like the balance of being at home with my son half the week and being able to go to work half the week. I’m also still breastfeeding too.

But I realise this is a privileged position and many people both need to be working full time to make ends meet.

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thatwouldbeshite@reddit

Not impossible but you need good support. I went back to work full time when my baby was 4 months old and it was so hard. My mom helped alot and my partner was really supportive.

Only downside is I have ended up with an awful sleeper even now years later because I was too tired myself to enforce solo sleeping.

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whyfruitflies@reddit

I went back full time when my child was 7 months old, I was a single parent so absolutely no choice and also I loved my job.

I won't say it was easy, it was 14 years ago so no free hours worth talking about, I was absolutely skint for years and didn't get any child support either.

But I did it. Work local, try and find somewhere with flexible working, local authorities are great for this.

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woman_on_the_move@reddit

Women at baby groups are a bit of a breed apart. The rest of us need to bring the money in. You need to garner what resources you have really carefully. I must admit I struggled with both me and my partner working full time in the late 1990s. Most of the stress I found was getting baby and from childcare. I was at the beginning of my career. My partner earned less and realistically had less earning potential longterm. He took 6 years off with the exception of a few seasonal contracting jobs. Immediately it was so much easier! I've always worked full time but I needed those years to build it.

Full time jobs are easier to get. It is now far easier to request flexible working arrangements but get the right job first. Your partner could also request flexible working to support. Frankly with today's cost of living you need 2 incomes unless there's a great salary coming.

If future you needs a career then you are probably going to have to make it work but for goodness sake ask for help from friends and family to make sure the time uou spend with your baby is not just catching up domestically. From the start your partner is not just babysitting they are sharing the care. Honestly i would have liked to have worked partime but it was a luxury i could not afford. Working fulltime is possible but you need a lot of help!,

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Enthusiastic_0wl@reddit

After Baby #1 I returned to a new role 3 days a week. After baby #2 I went to another new role 5 days a week but term time only, and I'll be returning to that role after my leave is up with #3!

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Competitive-Sail6264@reddit

Loads of women work full time with a child- you need to remember that childcare is a joint cost it’s not just subtracted from your salary! It’s also important to remember that pickup/drop off and parenting time are joint responsibilities- you both need to work together to flex around your schedules and your jobs.

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Financial_Ad240@reddit

I think some do these days, but mainly women who have high flying careers, so they can afford the childcare costs etc otherwise it’s hardly worth it, as you say. Many work part time though, and of course many are stay-at-home mums. There are always a lot of appointments, etc which make it difficult.

In our case, we decided that we wanted to bring up our children ourselves rather than “outsource” it so my wife gave up work until our kids were much older and independent

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Ok_Drummer_51@reddit

I returned to work full time after my maternity leave ended with my second child, but my husband reduced his hours so I could do so. I have worked for family friendly employers who were happy to accommodate sports days and school plays, and understand that kids get sick. I’m not sure I could have managed without a good employers and a husband who was on board.

My career really took off in the years after I had my children and I’m really glad I went back to work full time.

The head tilts and the “we never see you here”s from other mums when I did the school run indicated to me that working full time was viewed with some suspicion by many of them though.

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CrowApprehensive204@reddit

No one in our office has come back full-time after bebe and my daughter and step daughter dropped to three and two long days respectively. Give it a go and see how you get on but just be aware that as soon as your little one starts nursery, they will catch everything going for a few months while their immune system adapts and you are likely to be called out of work

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Over_Temporary_8018@reddit

Surprisingly, mothers are more likely to be employed than women or men without kids!

This is from 2022:

In April to June 2021, three in four mothers with dependent children (75.6%) were in work in the UK
The employment rate was higher for mothers than either women or men without dependent children and has been since 2017.
In April to June 2021, 50.4% of working families had both parents employed full-time; 44.1% where a man was employed full-time and their partner part-time; 2.6% where both partners were employed part-time, and 3.0% where a woman worked full-time and their partner part-time.

https://www.ons.gov.uk/employmentandlabourmarket/peopleinwork/employmentandemployeetypes/articles/familiesandthelabourmarketengland/2021

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Roundkittykat@reddit

I do. I went back when my son was 6 months. I'm the higher earner so didn't have much choice - but I'd probably have chosen to even if money were no object.

My mum was a working mum too. She went back when I was 10 weeks and always worked full-time. I didn't ever mind having a working mum. People act like a SAHM is somehow the only way, but I love my mum and we've always been close and her working had a big, positive effect on my life.

I think you need to work out at a couple of possible set ups (part-time, full-time, childcare options, benefit options, etc) and see what looks best to you.

There's a lot of pressure to just give up when you become a mum. My manager kept saying "we'll see, you'll change your mind" when I said I was planning on coming back full time - it was demoralising. Different things work for different people and it's frustrating that everyone assumes that all mums have to give up on their careers just because they have kids.

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anchoredwunderlust@reddit

Lots do if they have childcare. However we do have a decent maternity leave which you’ve been screwed out of by being fired late into your term. We have a lot of rules against firing women for being pregnant though so you actually have a good case unless there’s a good reason for firing or you were coming to the end of your term

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No-Jicama-6523@reddit

There’s maternity allowance instead, but it wouldn’t give you any extra that a job might have given you.

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SongsAboutGhosts@reddit

I think people who don't go back full time either earn so little they can't afford full time childcare because the state of it (and salaries) is absolutely dire, or their household earns so much they can happily afford to cut hours.

In the people that I know, I and a couple of others have gone back full time, but more haven't. I think our circles are probably pretty upper middle class though, and moreso than we currently are - I have no idea how half of them have the money for the lifestyles they lead. Those of us who go back full time need the money, like work, want a career and achievements separate from the child(ren), feel pressure to provide a certain standard of living which requires the extra salary, and/or prefer who we are/have a more balanced life when working full time, and any number of other reasons.

I know lots of people say you can't get the time back when they're this young, but you can't ever get the time back. My personal plan is to try and establish myself more now, and then drop about half a day over a week so I can do nursery pick up on my WFH days once my eldest starts school; we'll have long evenings together, and he might be slightly less inclined to shout in my face because he doesn't consider having a conversation with me to actually be me giving him enough attention, as just one example.

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heavenhelpyou@reddit

It all depends on your circumstances really - for both of my children I went back to work 9 weeks after they were born. I'm the sole earner in our house and my husband is a stay at home dad - it made financial sense, and I was able to wfh alot of the time within the first 6 months.

Everyone is different - do what works best for you, baby and your family

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Conscious_Cat_6204@reddit

I did. I worked a couple of days a month at home towards the end of my maternity leave. I started a new job but kept old job part time as well, so was working 2 jobs for the first couple of years of my daughter’s life. It was the only way I could cover my share of the bills. I wasn’t the only mum working full time though. Personally, I don’t want to be a SAHM when I’m capable of working and earn more than my husband anyway.

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smithykate@reddit

My female friends who were the main earners work full time hours over 4 days or full time, others work 3 days. I’m a manager but my husband is the main bread winner, I’m just upping to 30 hours from previously 24 (my kids are just turning 4 and just turned 2). You can definitely do it if you need to, it will just be super busy.

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Lily-pig@reddit

I went back to working full time in office when my daughter was 7 months old. It was managed through a mixture of nursery and grandparent help. Now there is more support with funding which should help reduce the bills for you a bit. For me, I loved my job and didn’t want to leave it. It was very important to give me my own identity away from wife and mother. I have only had the one child, who is now 12, this was the most affordable life for us and I don’t regret it at all. You will find a way to make it work for you

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thereisalwaysrescue@reddit

I work full time and I have two kids. My husband is the stay at home dad. I’m a nurse and I work weekends, nights, overtime etc as the cost of nursery is sky high and my son has additional needs.

I’m either doing fantastic at work and shit at home, or shit at work and fantastic at home.

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After_Translator_223@reddit

Check out Pregnant Then Screwed.

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thethirdbar@reddit

I went back to work full time 5 months after having twins. But I have a very involved partner and I am the main earner, he was not much above min wage at the time. The first year or so we were in negative cashflow until he increased his earnings and the free nursery hours kicked in.

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infieldcookie@reddit

My mum did as did all my friends parents, though this was the 90s/00s. With my colleagues and friends who have kids now, it’s a bit of a mix. Quite a few of them do work part time hours, but loads of them did go back to full time work after maternity leave ended.

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ItsNotAboutThe-Pasta@reddit

It's not impossible but it is hard, exhausting and costly. You also miss out on alot of your baby. I used to work part time whilst my daughter was in school and my son was with a childminder and my house was always a mess and I was always exhausted but it was good. I felt really balanced in life back then. Maybe try part time until your baby starts school and if that's not working for you go full time.

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freemyoiseau@reddit

I went back full time and my partner (the higher earner) went down to 4.5 days, compressed hours. He took my eldest one day a week and on weekends when I worked shift.

Now I've had my second I'm going to swap with partner so I go 4 days and he goes full time, largely because we need his earnings and also because I want more time with my eldest before school starts.

No shame in full time working parents! Kids can thrive in childcare settings, and you make the most of weekends together.

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tinglybiscuits@reddit

I went back full time but on condensed hours. Two days a week she’s in nursery so after the free hours that’s about £80 a month in fees. The other two days I work around my partner. Suits us really well.

However I’m being made redundant. My package is pretty good so I’m moving her to full time nursery (roughly £1000 a month) and my redundancy pay will cover that until she starts school so that I can focus on getting a full time job with normal hours.

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ramapyjamadingdong@reddit

Yes, I have always worked full time. I cannot afford.to not. After.my second I learned about flexible working though, so whilst I work a 9-5 job, I do longer days and have an early finish one day a week.

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No-Monitor5672@reddit

I am working full time (12 month old) and women in my circle also all work full time. We are higher earners so the cost of childcare “makes sense”. However it is important for me to work and as far as I’m concerned , I am a team with my partner and we flex accordingly. We did shared parental leave and I went back to work at 10 months and he did 2 months solo looking after our daughter. She now starts childcare 5 days a week as he is due back at work. In our household he will be doing the majority of dropping off and pick ups because he works from home full time and I am in the office 4x a week. It shouldn’t auto default to the woman, if there are two involved parents.

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Loud_Fisherman_5878@reddit

I work full time. I was four days a week but had a very unsupportive manager who expected me to do five days worth of work a week for the pay of four (plus other bullying tactics) so I looked for a new job but couldn’t find anything but full time. My pay is about equal to the nursery costs so it doesnt matter how much I work in a financial sense (which is a depressing thought)..

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Pyjama365@reddit

Imho, the reason so many women only work part-time with young children is partly because it's societally expected that they'll just take on the bulk of the childcare, including nursery/school drop-off and pick-up, and just take on all the impacts that time off on maternity (rather than shared parental leave) and only being able to work part-time might have on their choices of jobs and job progression. The usual argument for this is that the woman is paid less than the man, so it makes more sense for her to do reduced hours, but you said your partner isn't that well-paid, so it's not much of an argument here.

There are also lots of families where parents arrange their shifts so that one starts work later and does the morning school run, and one starts & finishes work earlier and does the afternoon pick-up (bearing in mind that the person who does drop-off might be left with the issue of what to do when kids are too sick to go to nursery/school).

It's perfectly normal to get jobs that fit around school hours better, such as in coffee shops which often close mid-afternoon, so you can get out on time to pick up from school. Also, more office-type jobs do seem to understand this, and seem to be saying on job adverts that they are willing to take applications from those who want to work 9am-3pm or similar to fit around childcare. Jobs in school admin are also a good shout, because you usually get school holidays off (though, like teachers, you might only get 10 months' pay spread over 12 monthly paydays). I have also known mums who worked in pubs 6-11 a few nights a week - they did the school pick-up and then left home once their partners got home from work, and their partners were responsible for childcare on evenings they worked.

As far as I know, the entitlement to free childcare hours has just been expanded.

Fwiw, most of my friends whose partners take on more of a share of childcare duties seem a lot happier.

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Spottyjamie@reddit

My wife went back part time, we didnt have relatives/nursery available to mean two of us could do 37 hour weeks plus me dropping hours would be a big income hit

Even now ours are in school wife is still part time but i have some earlier starts/earlier finishes agreed to do some of the school runs. Our school doesnt offer 5pm finishes in clubs etc

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VincentVan_Dough@reddit

I had my baby in the US where maternity leave is a joke. 2 weeks paid and another 2 weeks with 50% and PTO (annual leave). Back to work at 4 weeks. Flew from NYC to SFO with baby and husband in tow for work when she was 7 weeks because I was still breastfeeding. Husband became a SAHD for a year and we moved back to my home country where we had a nanny who came in daily and my parents lived 5mins away so they helped out.

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Glittering_Boat_4122@reddit

I worked 3 long days a week (26 hours) when my kids were little.

Like others say it depends on your circumstances. It can be done but there are sacrifices to be made.

I would have struggled to do more - long commute, still breastfeeding overnight, poor sleeper, demanding job. My baby would also have struggled with doing 5 days in nursery.

The only people I know with both parents working full time had significant help from grandparents.

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Severus_1987@reddit

Loads do

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Novel-Case6821@reddit

Everyone I know who has gone back to full time work has family helping at least one day. It also depends on your job, some are much more family friendly ie condensing hours etc.

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moreidlethanwild@reddit

A colleague of mine did.

She had her first and took her maternity leave but she was really struggling with being at home all day. She felt she lost her sense of self and identity and missed her job. She went back to work after 4 months.

When she had her second she took 2 months maternity (planned) and returned to work. She’s a wonderful mother but a really really good client manager at the company and she NEEDED that job, those relationships. She needed both.

She went on to have baby number 3 later.

The issue for many mothers is that child care is more costly than what they make, so it makes sense financially to have them stay home rather than pay for childcare. That doesn’t mean that’s right for that mother.

Kids need their parents but parents also need their sanity. The saying “put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others” is very apt. Some women relish being at home with their babies, others, it’s just not for them. Doesn’t make them bad mothers, just different. Work is a great way of maintaining self after motherhood.

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spaceshipcommander@reddit

An average house now costs about 8 times the average wage. You can borrow 4.5 to 5 times your salary for a mortgage. Statistically, most people do not have a choice in the matter.

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mu5tbetheone@reddit

I work full-time, so does my sister, brothers wife, Sister-in-Law, so it works for us. If you really want a career, you can make it work. We use part childcare and part family care to make it work, but you can also get several hours free if you both work. So that helps

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Londongirl7@reddit

I work full time and so does my husband. It’s just the two of us without any family help - so daughter is at nursery during the week. It was definitely an adjustment but it is doable.

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Conscious-Pie-4794@reddit

If you work part time you are basically signing away any career progression for the duration you are part time. You might be lucky and get somewhere where they respect part time workers, but my experience (even in very good places) is that you are an afterthought, given the most unfulfilling jobs and the kinds of jobs you will be getting are not ones that will progress your career goals. If you went 4 days this night very well be different, but I say this having returned part time myself at 21 hours and subsequently having to stay part time due to my child being disabled.

If you are young and want a career then going back full time is probably the best thing for you. There are flexible work places that will work around school etc when they are older if you happen to find one.

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jaynemonroe@reddit

I did went back full time when baby was 9 months I’m a high school teacher and it was tough especially with having to do more work when I got home but I had to it was either that or have no money 🥲

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Nnozmo@reddit

I think a lot of women work after having a baby. It's a massive luxury to have a stay at home parent currently - costs are so high!

It's also worth thinking about your CV, what a gap could do to your chances of getting a job and contributions to your pension from both you and/or your employer.

Good luck with whatever you decide

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Lost_Boat8275@reddit

Went back to work when my son was 10 months old. I was lucky enough to get a job in the evening, so that my partner would work 9-5 and I did 1-9. My son went to childcare only after lunch and until my partner could pick him up. Once my son started reception I got a 9-5 job too.

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Affectionate_Yak6138@reddit

I work full time and a lot of the women I work with come back full time after maternity leave. It is quite a flexible workplace though.

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crispycat40@reddit

I went back full time when she was 9 months old, but only for 7 weeks so I could keep my maternity pay (+six weeks of holiday).

Personally, I haven’t worked full time since my children were born but I know lots of women who do, especially once they’re pre-school age.

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Complex-Car-809@reddit

I did because only four months mat leave then and main breadwinner, needed to keep my job. Nursery and childcare cost more than I earned but did not want to lose my job. Flexible working or reduced hours was not a thing so all or nothing.

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Bennjoon@reddit

My sister did every time. Shes a manager of a hairdressing supply shop atm.

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MaleficentAnalysis27@reddit

I think it depends a bit of how much help you have. In the form of grandparents or paid help... if it's only the two of you it may be hard that both work full time, specially when little one is ill etc

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budapest_budapest@reddit

I don’t know anyone who went back full time, but most women did go back 4 days a week. Going back 3 days a week was the second most common, then full time after that.

Being a SAHM isn’t common, I did it for a while and only met maybe one other.

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Chinateapott@reddit

I went back to work full time when my son was 6 months old, it’s hard, you’re working full time then coming home to be a parent so rarely anytime for yourself

Depending where you are in the country childcare costs could be expensive, my son goes three full days a week and with funded hours it’s £430 a month, we’re lucky enough to have my mum watch him one day a week and then I have one weekday off and work every Saturday.

Like I say, it’s doable, plenty of women have kids and work full time and have fulfilling careers (me being one of them! My drive to succeed at work only increased after having my son) but be prepared to be very tired. Make sure you book a random day off now and again to have a day to yourself, however you want to spend it.

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TrackTeddy@reddit

Do you have a partner who works? And do you/partner have flexibility in work time as that can make a huge difference in the economics of things.

My other half used to go to work early and I'd do the drop off at childcare and work later. She'd pickup early meaning costs were 9-3;30 rather than an extra 2 hours a day which soon adds up.

But yes it is perfectly possible to go back full time if you wish and can afford to. Whether you can afford to depends on local costs, your wages (and your partners wages if applicable).

The people you meet at baby groups aren't necessarily a typical cross section of the baby mum population!

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Sure-Recognition-262@reddit

Not really answering your question, but it depends on a lot of things, including:

How much free childcare you'll get from family. If the baby's grandparents are retired and nearby (and happy to provide free childcare) this obviously makes a massive difference. Though it may only be "free" in the financial sense
How much free childcare you'll get from the government (I believe this varies depending on which country within the UK you're in)
How the couple's hours line up. Taking an extreme example, a baker could work full-time but finish by 2pm each day and a bar-worker could work full-time but not start until 4pm each evening. That's very different to two office-workers both doing 9-5. Many people will be somewhere between the two extremes.

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missy8985@reddit

My daughter works full time, I think she started (at a new job) when baby was about 8 months old. Baby is with a child minder while mum and dad are at work, I know they do get government help with that but I don’t know how much or how much they pay - not my business. I think it’s a matter of balancing your earnings against childcare costs and finding what works for your family. Don’t worry what other people do.

I even have friends who decided that dad would stay home because mum earned more than him and that worked just as well as any other solution.

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signpostlake@reddit

I didn't but I only got a choice because our housing costs are low.

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GinBitch@reddit

I found it impossible. I started back at 30 hours then reduced further to 26.

This was a mix of trying to do everything and my mental health suffered significantly after birth.

I know mums who work full time, have a tidy home, socialise and seemingly have their shit together.

But I know many who don't have a village to rely on and struggle to work at all.

It depends on so many things.

Your partner being useful and supportive.

Whether you have a village.

How robust your mental health is.

What your priorities are in life.

If you have the time to allow 'me time'.

If you have a strong marriage and good communication.

If your child is healthy and able to attend a childcare setting.

If you can afford childcare vs your income (I went back and we were at a financial loss after childcare was paid).

My marriage was falling apart, my child is Autistic and my health was terrible. I had no outside supportive either so it was inevitable it wasn't going to work for us.

Hope you find a good balance.

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Correct-Couple8086@reddit

Yes, lots of women work full time. You might be able to find work that is different hours to your partner which would ease childcare costs, especially if you have any informal family help. I work office hours but my husband works shifts over 7 days so often he has days off in the week, or he'll start work at 3pm and I finish work at 4pm for instance, so we only need an hour or so babysitting from a grandparent or relative.

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Forsaken-Original-28@reddit

If you're struggling for money during the first year it might be a good idea to do an evening shift or two a week at a super market or something when your partner is at home and can look after the baby? The funded childcare only covers term time which is annoying.

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ThingParticular@reddit

I’m expecting my first child and will almost certainly go back to work full time after my maternity leave. But I am both a higher earner and the higher earner between me and my husband (though not by much these days!). Both of us earn more than full time childcare costs and have careers to maintain, otherwise I can see why it quickly becomes not worth it for many parents (usually mums let’s be real).

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Puzzleheaded-Fig6418@reddit

Yes you absolutely can go back full time. I have a 4 year old and 10 month old and I’ll be going back full time. You should get the 30 hours free childcare and then either pay for the extra hours you need or if family can help get family to help. We no longer live in a world where families get by on one wage

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szank@reddit

From what I've observed, yes women go back to work full time. Although in my bubble the salaries generally are higher then the childcare costs so it makes sense and the mums also like their jobs/want to maintain their careers.

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scream_schleam@reddit

I don’t have children but my many female friends have kids and they went back to work full time.

In this economy it is difficult to sustain a family without 2 full incomes. Sure it might be okay for someone whose partner earns well but you gotta do what’s best for your family which may be going back to work full time.

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OddReference913@reddit

I do but I paid for childcare. It’s about weighing up the child care costs too. That’s why so many women decide to go back part time it’s not always worth it money wise.

Maybe do some costs on local childcare in your area and see?

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Bubble-Master96@reddit

Yes many women still work full time as mothers, it’s around 30% (roughly)

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