What is the most drunk you’ve ever been? Or your funniest drunk story in general

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tadpole-bear@reddit

Probably the time I fell over, spilled my chips, and phoned myself crying. Woke up to a banging head and a voicemail from me sob-wailing: “Me it’s me, we got chips and we fell overrrrrrr.”

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YouSayWotNow@reddit

Actually love this.

And betting there are a few youngsters reading this who haven't ever had a landline phone and are therefore wondering how you phoned yourself! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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One New Years Eve at my local pub which sported 12 real ales (including 8 guest ales) I embarked on the challenge of having one pint of each. Bearing in mind most of these were strong and I had to average 20 minutes per pint by the end I was falling down....

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cod1ngwolf@reddit

Got completely and utterly sloshed at a friends one night, managed to somehow teleport myself home at which point I promptly fell asleep sitting bolt upright at the end of the bed according to my partner. They then asked me if I was alright to which I apparently replied, completely serious: "I don't want to be vertical any more", flopped over backwards and passed out 😂

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Another_Random_Chap@reddit

I got spiked at a works do. I was the youngest in the office, and we went to the local pub for drinkies on the Friday before Christmas. I had 2 pints of cider bought for me by my older office-mates, which was the most ever drank, but unknown to me, each one contained quite a few vodka shots. We were in a pub that had just been totally refurbished, and I ended up projectile vomiting across the brand-new carpet and sofa. I got kicked out, and was basically in no state to do anything. Fortunately I'd agreed to meet a friend after the do, so it was left to him to pour me into a taxi and take me the 20 miles home. My mother was livid, stripped me, put me in the bath and made me drink a lot of water. I woke up next morning feeling fine, but had to get on the train and go the 20 miles back to the office to collect my bike and bag.

First working day after Christmas my mother stormed into the office and accosted the senior partner about what had been done to me. I'm not sure who was more embarrassed - him or me.

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Hxlly2199@reddit

I once got so drunk I fell asleep in the smoking area, i woke up and reaised I wasn't at home so I left the bar to find a taxi. A few streets away from where I had been a lad I knew (who I want even out with) saw me laid on the front of a taxi waving a fiver at him begging him to take me home.

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Bushdr78@reddit

I broke into the back of what I thought was my mates car and hid because I wanted to scare him. I fell asleep and had a very confusing confusing conversation with the owner trying to go to work the next morning but finding me in the backseat of his car.

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Kickkickkarl@reddit

I hate being drunk.

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DollySheep32@reddit

I ended up sleeping in a canoe full of empty beer cans, wine and liqueur bottles.

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furball555@reddit

was at a club in manchester in the 80s, me and best m8 sat at the bar, the bargirl (i think she was new to the job) said all cocktails were half price tonight. It was also happy hour (which was half price aswell) so we convinced her that must mean half/half price :) Proceded to try all cocktails on the list one by one. Tried getting off the stool after about 15 cocktails, wasnt pretty, we both had to be carried out by the bouncers and dumped outside, just slighly remember us lurching around town looking for anywhere that would let us in. ahh the good old days :)

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jamieperkins9999@reddit

I was 16, first time on a night out, I heard there was a 2 drink limit each time you went to the bar, after a few drinks my brain turned that into a 2 drink minimum. Every time I went for another drink I bought 2, when I realised I was abit too drunk I thought I should get some water, still thought it had to be 2, I got 1 pints of water from the bar, started to walk away and my hands just opened and dropped both pints of water. Glass and water everywhere. I got kicked out. It was only 10:30pm.

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IAmTheArcher171@reddit

I generally know my limits these days, so I’m sick less often when I get home. However I can distinctly remember being quite poorly on two occasions and being fascinated by the fact my vomit was blue.

(Once was after taking blueberry flavoured antacids, and the other was after drinking a Blue Lagoon cocktail.)

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MrBoggles123@reddit

Walking back from a night out at uni and we had to cross the canal basin via a small footbridge. I decided the steps up and down were too much so made the obvious choice of walking across the canal and wondering why I sank!

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Godsownprototype1001@reddit

Was absolutely smashed and was repeatedly put to bed by my family. Woke up the next day feeling like hell but had to get ready for a family function. Got showered and dressed and went to put my contact lenses in but couldn’t because they were sitting on top of two blobs of tooth paste in their case 👀

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BillPayers@reddit

It was the 90s. I woke up. I was sat on the floor in a cubicle in the club's toilets. My shirt was missing. The club had emptied...

Thank Christ we didn't have phones with cameras everywhere back then. Although, maybe it would be nice to know how I ended up that way?!

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Away_Swim1967@reddit

I slept in a ditch on my way home from a different town from where I used to live. I had gotten off the train on the wrong station and walked about 3 miles through some woods onto a main road. I do remember deciding I was too tired to carry on and just wrapping myself up in my coat in this ditch. Woke up then next morning and realising I wasn't home walked back to the station and got home. It took me 2 days to sober up. I've drastically cut back since that night ,as it scared me quite a lot how out of control I was and I could quite easily not have woken up again

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PMc1666@reddit

My mate left a nightclub in Huddersfield, couldn’t get a taxi, so decided to walk home. Unfortunately he forgot he was on a stag do, and also forgot where he was. He thought he left a nightclub in Newcastle Upon Tyne. He had walked about an hour until he realised his situation. He started thumbing for a lift, and a car stopped for him. Luckily the driver was going to Newcastle. He actually got back home before the rest of us.

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ButteredNun@reddit

Ok. One of the times would certainly be this time at uni. We called it ‘famous night’. This was a few years ago.

Went out beering in the pubs with a few mates, ended up, as you do, in the club just to continue drinking. Sat at the bar with one of my flatmates (others hadn’t made it that far), knocking down shots like there’s no tomorrow. Pissed as farts.

Luckily / Unluckily we knew the fella behind the bar (another student), so we kept getting served. My flatmate suddenly fell off his stool and wouldn’t wake up. He and I were quickly taken out the back fire escape by bouncers and dumped outside of the club. I’m loudly trying to wake up my mate and a there are a few onlookers.

As luck would have it another flat mate (there were five of us) was driving past, having had a sober evening with his girlfriend. He drove us to the hospital, where our passed out flatmate was attended to. I was sat in the hospital waiting area for a while. Then, my mate (driver) said it was time to go.

My legs didn’t work. I crawled out of the hospital to his car in the car park. He asked if I was going to puke in his car, and so, I puked before getting in.

I woke up in the living room, on an armchair, having shit myself. I chucked my undies and jeans in the big bin and took a shower. In the shower, memories came back. Panicked, I woke up the driver (mate). He called the hospital and we were told our mate was going to be ok and he’d be allowed out soon.

He didn’t actually get his stomach pumped. When he woke up there was another young man in a bed opposite that my mate thought was me. My mate asked this lad how he was doing and he said something like not so well and had to go for an operation, and was taken away. After finding out the lad wasn’t me, my mate had a totally-fair-enough bollocking by a nurse for drinking so much.

I never told my mates I shit myself.

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_Nefarium@reddit

Went to spoons with my uni mates because it was my birthday. They each got me a pint, well appreciated but I generally don't drink more than one otherwise I become Mr grumpy. Consequently I brought the night right down by sitting quietly with a thousand yard stare and overall being rather depressed. Walked back, pissed in a canal, tripped on the stairs up to my accom, and locked myself in my room.

Not particularly funny but as I'm normally a somewhat excitable and bubbly person it's lead to threats of "do we need to buy you a pint?" during times when I'm being a bit too happy.

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loranlily@reddit

Staying with my friend's family abroad one summer. Her step grandma drank my friend's brother and I under the table, to say the least. Friend wasn't into drinking that night and went to bed. We were on the roof deck of their house. I have no idea how I got down the stairs to bed myself. The next morning, grandma found me asleep on the bathroom floor next to the toilet and put me back in bed. I was hungover for two days, and my friend had taken many photos of us all before she went to bed, so there is a lot of photographic evidence.

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Charming_Usual6227@reddit (OP)

What was step-grandma’s drink of choice?

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loranlily@reddit

All three of us were drinking cherry vodka. We got through a 1.75L bottle between us. This was about 12 years ago, she's in her 80s now and she could still drink me under the table without even trying.

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ArmWildFrill@reddit

You've got to drink water or some other liquid with spirits otherwise you're going to have a very bad time

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loranlily@reddit

Oh I know, we were mixing it with Sprite. I was in my early 20s at the time. I hardly ever drink now anyway.

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Boring-Print9058@reddit

I once got split up from my mates, had no cash for a taxi, so decided a 7 mile walk home whilst very well oiled it had to be. 3/4 miles in I was struggling and it started to rain heavily. I just thought I'll wait the rain out by sitting in his house's old brick shithouse that's since become their bin store.

At about 8:15 am the lady homeowner was just about to sling something in her bin only to find me sat/slumped on top of it fast asleep. It was her scream that actually woke me up and when I came to and apologised profusely she said she was relieved because she thought she'd discovered a dead body.

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asymmetricears@reddit

Reminds me of a mate on a uni ski trip. He couldn't get into his accommodation for some reason, probably one of those things where they only give two keys for a room of five, so he ended up falling asleep in the lift.

The next morning a French lady went to use the lift and screamed when she saw him (probably also assuming a dead body) and he woke up. As it happens, he could speak French so apologised profusely and went on his way.

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BellendBuilder@reddit

I remember being absolutely fucking spangled when I was 17 and out in Leeds.

Was found by staff laid on the platform at Leeds train station trying to get back to base (I was a recruit at AFC Harrogate) surrounded by a pool of blue WKD that had decided to make its way up whilst unconscious and all I did was cry as I had nothing to clean it up with before stumbling onto my train.

Oh that day in 2006 was fun until it wasn’t 😅

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Majestic_Matt_459@reddit

It doesn't seem all that funny now, but i was at a BBQ, very pissed, and all the birds looked shiny and id never seen that before

https://www.facebook.com/profile/865615421/search/?q=attenborough

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W3ndigoGames@reddit

I once went out with some friends, I don’t remember the occasion, it was some time last year (I wanna say November) but I basically got smashed on coronas for several hours while me and my pals watched a guy perform music, blacked out at something like 10:30pm and continued drinking, I was told my friend’s sister gave me a bottle of Prosecco (I hate Prosecco) and I drank the full bottle in one. Following that, I believe the pub closed at midnight, we all ended up going back to my pal’s house, I ended up leaving at like 3am I think and somehow managed to fall headfirst, like full on headstand, into a pile of smashed up bricks (several times I think), I also passed out like three or four times on the way home, I remember constantly falling asleep. I don’t even know whereabouts I was at this point it’s about a mile and a half to my place from my friends’ but all I could see was blackness (probably from the concussion thanks to my headslam into the bricks) but when I woke up the next day I had managed to get home mostly instact, I had a sprained elbow (skin was busted to hell and the entire elbow was just a black bruise for weeks after) and the top of my head had a little split. Oh yeah, obviously had the worst hangover and headache ever, and I had to get up and go to work. Wierd thing is, I woke up completely naked wearing nothing but a pair of pink fluffy socks… Don’t know where I got these socks because they are not mine.

That’s probably the most drunk I’ve been recently but, hey, it’s only April, plenty of the year left.