Feeling of losing an identity and gaining one post naturalization
Posted by BuffaloSmall6830@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 13 comments
I am originally from a country which has very different value system compared to the US and does not allow dual citizenship. I have lived in the US almost half of my life and recently got naturalized as a US citizen. However, my home country doesn't allow dual nationality so I automatically lost my original nationality. It didn't feel like a major issue from identity standpoint but post the citizenship, I feel as if I lost something major. It feels almost existential as if I lost a large part of me.
I will get a US passport and get a visa to visit the country I grew up in. However, given that the citizenship is new, I am still processing the feeling of "losing" a part of me and "gaining" something new or as if I am starting over. My immediate and extended family are still in the country I was born in so this feeling is more potent.
Has anyone who has gained citizenship of another country and lost their original nationality gone through this? How did the feeling progress and how did you process it? Thank you in advance!
expatforward@reddit
You chose this, but grief doesn't require regret to be real my friend. Ive had clients in this situation and this is actually pretty common, because even tho you knew this was the way you were going, you can only feel it when paperwork is done. Look at what "losing a part of you" actually means beyond the legal status. Your memories, language, cultural understanding, family connections.. None of that disappear with the citizenship change, but the formal belonging did, and that matters differently than people expect.
What i see is that usually this feeling changes as you visit and realize the relationship with your home country still exists, just in a different form. You have to remember you are integrating two identities instead of choosing one over the other. This is very different from starting over my friend.
What specifically feels most lost right now?
BuffaloSmall6830@reddit (OP)
Thank you for posting some really concrete points. The thing that I feel like I lost the most is the connection with the country that I grew up in. I haven’t received my new passport yet so I’m in a way. I’m in a limbo because my passport my nationality and it was a connection to my old home. I think losing a part of the identity, goes a little bit deeper than simply losing the nationality because it’s all the memories all the connections and all of the friends that have made along the way. It definitely doesn’t disappear. However, it does feel as if I am starting something new. All my travel experiences were that of an immigrant and that left an imprint on my personality. I am not an immigrant anymore and I have a new identity that I will grow into. Getting this passport has been a dream for a long time and now that I have it, it makes me wonder what’s next. It is definitely a mixture of experiences I’ve had and struggles I endured. It’s a bit tough to artculate coherently and entirely.
expatforward@reddit
I know my friend, don't even bother trying explain, it is very difficult indeed. This transition period while you're literally between passports is the hardest, but I believe once you have the US passport and visit home with it, you'll start figuring out what this new form of relationship with both countries actually looks like in practice
You're processing an identity shift that most people never experience. Really, just give yourself some time to grow into this new version.. Try not to be so demanding to yourself, expecting it to feel settled immediately.
Bomboclaat_Babylon@reddit
Why did you give up your old passport? You don't have to inform them...
BuffaloSmall6830@reddit (OP)
Because holding on to the old passport is criminal offense. Not sure if they will ever find out if I am a US citizen but if they do and for some reason they find out I did not surrender the original passport, it can lead to fines, legal prosecution and further complications down the line. Given that I have family there, I would rather not do something illegal and simply wait to be caught.
Bomboclaat_Babylon@reddit
There's no punishment / well, they take your passport which is a punishment, but there's nothing beyond that. I've had a few friends in that situation where they forget their original passport in their bag, travelled to their home country, and had it yoinked. Then there were tears, and regret, but there's no actual punishment.
SpaceBetweenNL@reddit
I never felt anything like that. My birth country (Russia) has birthright citizenship,so even after I became a Dutch citizen and lost the Russian passport, I remained 100% Russian from my own perspective. Others also see me as Russian, despite the fact that I've lived in the Netherlands for around 8 years.
Does your country have birthright citizenship? If it does, then birthright citizenship equals permanent identity by the place of birth.
BuffaloSmall6830@reddit (OP)
It does have birthright citizenship but the laws are much stricter than the US. The attachment to the passport is not so much about the document but that it is a foreign land now. Yes I will always remain who I am to a large extent but the change in nationality does represent a significant change of identity which in the immediate and short term is a bit of a loss and grief. I am sure it will pass but the feeling persists as the change is so new.
SpaceBetweenNL@reddit
It didn't bring a significant change of identity into my life. I just gave back a reddish ID (a Dutch immigrant ID) and got a white one (a Dutch citizen's ID).
If you had birthright citizenship in your country of birth, it still shouldn't change your identity even when ypu don'thave those documents anymore. Your birth country will never be foreign.
HVP2019@reddit
My country of origin at some point changed rules about dual citizenship. I believe it doesn’t allow it anymore. When I was gaining US citizenship I don’t remember doing anything about my old citizenship. I don’t remember US required me to notify my country of origin. ( it’s been a while now, paperwork was complicated so I may be misremembering something).
Anyway I don’t feel like I’ve lost my identity. I don’t believe that I actually lost my citizenship. But even if I did I don’t stress about it because what changed one time can change again.
Congrats on your citizenship.
BuffaloSmall6830@reddit (OP)
Thank you. I haven't changed as a person and I am sure in long term the grief will go away. However, the feeling exists for the time being.
General_Will_1072@reddit
You are what you are end of the day and every now and then you will realise that it be made to realise that
demostenes_arm@reddit
Well, I am from Singapore, where loads of artists, sportspeople and businessmen from other countries get citizenship and renounce their original citizenship for “pragmatic” purposes.
It’s clear that rich people don’t attach much emotional value to citizenship and just use it to earn more money or to better enjoy their money.
For the rest of us, I guess it’s our choice then. If your citizenship makes you proud and gives you a sense of purpose in life, by all means treasure it. If that’s not the case, feel free to connect with whatever country you would like and treat your citizenship as a piece of paper.