What are bathroom etiquettes in the UK? (When you need to excuse yourself)
Posted by Technical-Vanilla-47@reddit | AskABrit | View on Reddit | 138 comments
Posted by Technical-Vanilla-47@reddit | AskABrit | View on Reddit | 138 comments
AwkwardTie9427@reddit
Need a number 2. Works wonders in the North of England!
Bearded_Viking_Lord@reddit
"Back in a bit, going for a shit"
Martinonfire@reddit
Said the poet
SKYLINEBOY2002UK@reddit
And didn't know it.
PassiveTheme@reddit
Brits don't have the squeamishness around the toilet that our north American cousins do. But part of that is not feeling the need to use euphemisms when you can just skip over it entirely.
"Excuse me", "I'll be back in a minute", and "Be right back" are all perfectly normal ways to excuse yourself. You can also say "I'm just going to the toilet", "I need to use the loo", or "I'm just going to use the gents/ladies" in polite company and no one will bat an eyelid. Among your friends you might say "I need a piss/shit", or more vulgar phrases.
Americans talk about going to the "restroom" and Canadians talk about the "washroom". You're not going for a rest or a wash. You're going for a piss/shit and we all know that. So just say it.
Chickadee_Sparrow@reddit
You could be going to freshen up, brush your teeth, wash your hands (without needing the toilet). That is why they call it a restroom/washroom.
GnaphaliumUliginosum@reddit
If you are very squeamish, you can say 'just popping to the little boys'/girls' room'. Like all things this depending on social and class context of course.
'Pointing percy at the porcelain' or 'I'm busting for a slash' are usually for men in informal situations.
Streathamite@reddit
“The little boys’/girls’ room” makes me cringe so much. How immature are people that they’re unable to use the word toilet and instead resort to that weird euphemism?
pinklepickles@reddit
I have even heard adults say “go potty” . Ugh.
AlgaeFew8512@reddit
That's the absolute worst one ever
Gullible_Fan4427@reddit
Or loudly declare “Right!” leg slap “off to the bog”
GoHomeCryWantToDie@reddit
Off the drop the kids off at the pool.
lela7188@reddit
This is so right! 👏
morecoffeeple@reddit
It’s perfectly fine to just say “excuse me.” There’s no need to announce where you’re going, everyone knows that. If you feel you must explain, say you’re going to the ladies/ gents, is okay.
tanoshimi@reddit
I'd say the benefit of clarifying your intention is that it prevents people asking for clarification (which could be more embarassing).
If you only say "excuse me" and start walking away, it could be that you were feeling faint, or sick, or had just received an urgent message that needed attention, which might prompt the other person to ask "is everything ok?"
There's no embarassment at all from saying "excuse me, I'm just going to the gents/ladies" etc.
House_Of_Thoth@reddit
Also, I vape - so I could be going outside for 5 minutes and someone might think they need to hold themselves for the toilet until I'm back
morecoffeeple@reddit
I always announce I’m going for a vape! I think it depends on the company, my family, we all declare we are going to the loo and what we intend to do there 😹 In a meeting, I would just excuse myself without getting in to detail! In the pub with friends, I’d say toilet/ vape/ bar etc. I remember as a child, an elderly relative saying I should always say “powder my nose” but as an adult, I think this could have slightly less wholesome connotations!
House_Of_Thoth@reddit
Haha yeah, my family know I've liked to "powder my nose" in the past, that and being a guy ig that line wouldn't go down well with me either 😅
Ta_mere6969@reddit
"I'm off for slash" /s
As long as you know where the toilets are, just say, "hold that thought, I'll be right back", or "excuse us for a minute, need to spend a penny". Seriously, no one needs to know anything more.
hanfly95@reddit
My husband says that he’s going to drop the kids off at the pool
Electronic_Heart458@reddit
Just got to go ring Barry, back in a min
neilm1000@reddit
That's when you're about to throw up surely?
Electronic_Heart458@reddit
Barry white = shite
neilm1000@reddit
Oh, I've heard it used as "going to ring xxx" as in going to talk to the big white telephone meaning chuck up.
Heavy-Locksmith-3767@reddit
Just off to the Garry Glitter.
Extension_Sun_377@reddit
One is excusing oneself in order to powder one's nose.
I'm having a piss whilst I'm there, too
Extension_Sun_377@reddit
I'm off to point Percy at the porcelain
RiverTadpolez@reddit
Work - "Excuse me, I'm going to the toilet" People in general - "I'm going to the toilet" Friends - "I'm going to pee" or "I need to poo" or "I have to change my pad/tampon" or something like that Close friends and family, if on the phone, for example - "I'm just peeing, by the way, if you can hear that"
Minute-Discussion666@reddit
As a lady: Off for a piss/shit, back in a bit”.
Fantastic-Speech-438@reddit
Ah, here we have a lady of the highest standing. 😂
MrsTrellis_N_Wales@reddit
Alternatively: “just going for a slash”
Fun-Diver7512@reddit
Is that you, Baroness Mone? Such a class act you are.
Newhaven40@reddit
Just going for a slash, won’t be long!
Pizzagoessplat@reddit
"Of for a shite"
MJsThriller@reddit
If you're somewhere fancy or a bit more formal like at a nice restaurant, it's expected to quietly motion for the serving girl to come over and then you say "Excuse me dear, daddy has to make. Where is the bowl?". If you're with company, such as a date, it's generally expected that your company/date would do this on your behalf.
If you're somewhere less formal, you just say "I'm needing a pish" and head off. It's normal to continue doing your fly up after you've exited the toilet
Charming-Ostrich2524@reddit
I had no idea there was an etiquette here. You just go to the toilet. If you need to tell someone you say, “I’m going to the toilet.” If you need to use someone’s toilet you say, “can I use your toilet please?”
dwair@reddit
"I'm ever so sorry but I have just soiled myself and need to clean up"
Agathabites@reddit
“Need a wee. Back in a bit.”
Bushdr78@reddit
"Need a wee back in three"
Popular-History1015@reddit
Going for a poo, see you in two!
YorkieN@reddit
I’m off to siphon the python 🐍
Goatsandducks@reddit
I normally either say: Just going for a wee or right, I need a piss. I'm a gal if that makes any difference. I don't think any of us are that arsed about someone saying they need a wee. Even if someone who I don't really know well suddenly said they needed a shit and went off to do one, I wouldn't bat an eyelid.
auntie_climax@reddit
Just popping to the loo
Physical-Win-1975@reddit
Male "I need to point Percy at the Porcelain" .
MacularHoleToo@reddit
Or another favourite of my Dad “off to see me Aunt”
snapper1971@reddit
Also: I'm off to bleed the weasel
TheAmazingSealo@reddit
drain the snake
One_Complex6429@reddit
If you're in a house where you don't know the where abouts. Just ask. "Where's the loo?'
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TheoryPretend9912@reddit
The fact that by "bathroom etiquette" you are not talking about bathing says a lot. Never quite understood us squeamishness. A Canadian host returning after an absence announced "you might want to give it ten." Because of farts? I enquired to some hilarity.
Insideout_Ink_Demon@reddit
Going for a shit, see you in a bit
mainukfeed@reddit
"just going for a shit mate" "Going for a piss brb"
danjimian@reddit
"Going for a quick slash"
PupmeisterGeneral@reddit
"Excuse me, I need to make a deposit..."
Ill_Temporary_9509@reddit
I'm off for a slash/tomtit
sallyspanielshuman@reddit
If you feel the need to announce something, then “just popping to the loo” pretty much covers it.
Do_You_Like_Owls@reddit
"Me fucking guts are doing somersaults! Am going for a shit - I may be some time".
When you leave be sure to inform the guests: "I'd give it about 15mins. I've sprayed and opened the window but fucking hell that's peeling the paint off the walls in there".
TheAmazingSealo@reddit
Tap your desk twice and say 'off for a shit'
major_damp@reddit
Ooooh, the gorillas finger is poking out!
Lynex_Lineker_Smith@reddit
Depends if I’m having a shower or a bath
neilm1000@reddit
The correct answer.
Whumpitup@reddit
Depends on situation:
At the pub with the lads "Gotta drop the kids off at the pool".
At work "I need the bathroom".
Drinking with a mate at home "I beed the bog now or I'm gonna shit myself".
Caught out in the wild "Shift, I'm touching cloth!"
bitterlemon80@reddit
You have a bath at work?
Whumpitup@reddit
Bathroom holds a toilet so it's the polite option.
bitterlemon80@reddit
Not in the UK it's not, toilet or loo is perfectly polite (shitter not so much). Bathroom is an Americanism, unless said room contains a bath, and this is a hill I'm prepared to die on.
Whumpitup@reddit
I'm from the UK. Bathroom ia fine.
neilm1000@reddit
You must be the only one saying it.
SocieteRoyale@reddit
'just going to pop to the loo' is perfectly cromulent
neilm1000@reddit
But you don't want anything too embiggened.
SituationMundane5452@reddit
Nobody cares in the uk. Just tell them the turtles heads popping out or you need to bust a nutty one
neilm1000@reddit
"I'm touching cloth"
lela7188@reddit
I'm off to give birth or nipping to the loo! Classy I know.
tristianoedwardinho@reddit
Going for a slash
60svintage@reddit
Depends on the circles you are mixing in
SilverellaUK@reddit
Wow! We are obviously all a lot more upper class than we knew.
Scary_Application_70@reddit
Depends on what company you are holding. "I'm off t' the Bog. " Is acceptable in the Pub. But I definitely wouldn't say that in a restaurant. "Just nipping to the loo" works as does "I need a wee" or "I'm just popping to the little girls/boys room"
Dry-Tie-7163@reddit
Just going to pop to the loo. I’m dying for a piss. I’m desperate for a shit. Where is your bathroom? Where’s the bog? Could you direct me to the water closet.
All acceptable depending on the scenario / company.
DeliciousUse7585@reddit
I think it’s considered more acceptable if you say the entire paragraph
Dry-Tie-7163@reddit
That would really emphasise the desperation.
super_sammie@reddit
Well I have intense stomach, bowel and colon issues. So it’s normally say nothing, drop everything, run a text when I’m there.
I’m currently on the can now!
AirlineSevere7456@reddit
I need a slash, be right back
shiveryslinky@reddit
Clear your throat, tuck the newspaper under your arm, and loudly announce "back in 10."
DeliciousUse7585@reddit
Say “excuse me I need to do a toilet”. When you come back, say “I had a good shit”
hooahhhhhhh@reddit
Bring it in a clear bag for everyone to assess after too
Historical_Heron4801@reddit
That's disgraceful.
You'll never get a decisive result from one dinner table's worty if people. You'll get a much better idea of the rating from a larger audience. Photos are the way forward, like and share.
DeliciousUse7585@reddit
Hygienic, nice
Horsey_grill@reddit
“Sorry, I’ll be back in a min, just need to nip to the loo”
snapper1971@reddit
I'm off to drop a log
I'm just about to drop the kids off at the pool
I'm just going to free Tommy Robinson
Mr Brown is in the departure lounge
I need to spend a penny
I need to bleed the weasel
Point percy at porcelain
Armitage Shanks is calling
I've got a turtle's head
I'm touching cloth
In more formal settings, a simple, 'excuse me' will suffice.
keithmk@reddit
I remember back in the 60s/70s being introduced to some superb Aussie slang terms for this. Point Percy at the porcelain, Strain the potatoes, Shake hands with the wife's best friend. What others have I forgotten? I remember the term One-eyed trouser snake...
NurseAbbers@reddit
I am a Nurse.
Sometimes at work, a Nurse will say "ooh, I need a wee" and another Nurse will say "Go on, Treat yourself"
tadpole-bear@reddit
My colleague used to say “Off to wet me lettuce” but normal people just say they’re going to the loo/off to find the loo/oh, so-and-so’s in the loo, if it needs to be announced at all.
DustInTheMachine@reddit
"where's the shitter?"
Funky_Owl_Turnip@reddit
"Just going for a wee" usually suffices.
GlennTheBaker69@reddit
"Off for a poo, back in 2"
Pebbley@reddit
We don't have bathrooms for public consumption, we do have toilets but without a shower or bath.
hodzibaer@reddit
You say “Pardon me, I need to use the la-va-to-ry” in the Don Cheadle British accent.
This is the cheat code. Brits will love you for: - Authentic use of the vernacular - Flawless pronunciation (but you must nail the accent)
morris_man@reddit
Just got to go turn my bike round
St3lla_0nR3dd1t@reddit
We don’t go to the bathroom, we go to the toilet.
Longjumping_Car3318@reddit
Dying for a piss but I'll be back
Probably
AIX-XON@reddit
Need to drop the kids off at the pool
Icy-Belt-8519@reddit
I need to pee, wheres the loo? 🤷♂️
Hivemind_alpha@reddit
“‘Scuse me, I need to drop the kids off at the pool. I’m touching cloth here”
DrMacAndDog@reddit
“Am away for a shite!”
doofcustard@reddit
JUST GOING TO THE BOG
Hot-Box1054@reddit
“Just going to the bathroom”.
That’s about it.
bitterlemon80@reddit
In the words of Arnie, "there is no bathroom", it's a toilet.
Forward-Swimmer-8451@reddit
Only if your in the middle talking to someone and leaving abruptly to go eg in the middle of a dinner with them
hime-633@reddit
Excuse me for a minute
Just popping to the loo
Be right back
It really depends on who you're with but also nobody cares. Just never ever say "go potty" like some Americans do because that is deeply weird.
wildflower12345678@reddit
Get up and go to the room, do whateveryou need to, flush, wash your hands, return to what you were doing.
Geezer-McGeezer@reddit
Coarse - Excuse me I need to shit.
Polite - Excuse me I need the loo.
OverCategory6046@reddit
Polite - I'm off to powder my nose (works for men as well)
Geezer-McGeezer@reddit
Wotks for a cocaine break also !
OverCategory6046@reddit
That's why I like it, leaves it ambiguous - am I doing a fat bump? Am I actually powdering my nose? Am I using the loo? The world will never know.
teedyay@reddit
“Uhh, which way’s your loo?”
draaj@reddit
Or in public places: "does anyone know where the toilet is?"
SantaFe91@reddit
Excuse me, just popping to the loo.
Justan0therthrow4way@reddit
I’m genuinely curious in what countries “excuse me, where is the toilet”? If you hadn’t been somewhere before wouldn’t be acceptable.
If you are at work or at a more formal setting “would you excuse me I just need to use the loo”.
amanset@reddit
You start by calling it the toilet, not the bathroom.
Or the bog.
MayDuppname@reddit
Shitter or craphouse if you're in polite company.
DiscoForsaken@reddit
Dropping the kids off at the pool, see you in a bit
MayDuppname@reddit
Crimping off a length of dirty spine is far posher, surely?
I'll call you Shirley all I want lol.
Short-Shopping3197@reddit
At really posh dinners you just aren’t supposed to go at all, anything less formal you say ‘just nipping to the loo’ and head off.
MayDuppname@reddit
I love to nip for a piss, but I also enjoy hearing about people 'popping' for one.
I'm just an agreeable kinda guy, I guess.
Charming-navigator@reddit
Say "I've just got to drop the kids off at the pool"
skibbin@reddit
Don't shit in the urinal
DeliciousUse7585@reddit
Or, do shit in the urinal as a power play
skibbin@reddit
maintain eye contact
Rude_Rhubarb1880@reddit
Depends
“I’m going for a dump” is fine if you with family or friends but not work colleagues
Good friends you’d say “I need to take a shit, back in 15 mins”
At work you’d say “I require a bathroom break, I won’t be long, hopefully”
sodsto@reddit
15 minutes is a tough evacuation
HeavyPrint3@reddit
Back soon,just goung for a Forrest Gump!
Connect-Bug9988@reddit
Unless you crap on the floor in social gatherings, you should be alright, and even then, it might be excused if you give people a warning first!
Don't panic, just leave the table and go, most people would rather you just went without a big announcement, and I'm sure they're mature enough to realise you're not doing a runner when nature calls🤣🤣🤣
cliffybiro951@reddit
Recently it’s just “gotta go I’m gonna shit myself”
wo_no_diggity_doubt@reddit
Brb
Mikon_Youji@reddit
Say "I need the bog" and then you get up and go.
N64Andysaurus92@reddit
Unless you're talking to royalty, just be blunt and loudly exclaim you're going to go take a big one 😂 No one cares.
kimba-the-tabby-lion@reddit
If you are a man, just go. If you are a lady (cis or otherwise) another lady may offer to accompany you. If so, yahtzee! Nothing personal will happens, but you will be a little closer to having a friend - a real friend!
phuzee@reddit
I'm going for a slash
-Intrepid-Path-@reddit
you say "excuse me" and go?