Married just over 20+ yrs. Had some hard times, first few after kids were rough. I've worked full time and gotten a degree during this time. Spouse, as I'd offered in the past, has been able to not work (a paying job) since our first was born, and I don't dismiss the full time responsibility of her taking g care of meals amd house work for our family. Workndrains me, so I'm of little help at home, many of those years I've unfortunately and unfairly brought work stress home and was on edge, grumpy, and just burnt out. She's told/asked me many times over some of the later years in our marriage that she wasn't happy, asked if I was, and if I wanted a divorce - I can't count the number of times I've asked we get counseling but she won't consider it.

I'm not demanding, and I've never questioned her day-to-day or nightly habits - gym, going with friends to eat or drink during g the day or night. Have concerns with her nearly every day drinking, have seen her sleeping at a table with bottle in front of her at like 1100 am in a worse case early morning, falling asleep in the bathroom or floor at times early evening or later night. Another stint was regularly falling asleep at "friends" house and coming home 4 or 5 am - and she dismissed it as me supposedly knowing her friends - bear in mind she's foreign and we live in her home country, so no, I don't know amd just took her word for who she was with but always had concerns. I also drink, but late, and it takes me far longer to reach a point of her level of intoxication from just 2 or 3 hours out. So I do stay out late at times, but I'm in public, at bars, not at private residences of any friends.

Changed jobs recently and it's been a stress relief from my old management responsibilities but a burnout inducing 7 day a week work schedule in the new job. I'm tired. She's changed recently as well, saying she loves me amd feeling better - I asked why recently - I assumed cheating went bad and she circled back to having her head amd heart at home, but she says it's better because I'm not bringing my work stress home amd am far less on edge (which is true, I can feel that). I don't really know what to think, but after hearing she was unhappy so many times, being asked if I wanted a divorce, and her not being agreeable to cutting back on the near daily drinking or starting some kind of counseling... I feel like I've given up. When I asked her about the recent changes and all the times she'd said she was unhappy, times she fell asleep at "friends", I asked if she had cheated - and said I wouldn't be mad as I understood how things were then... she said she hadn't, just reaffirmed statements of being with her women friends. I think I really would have been fine if she had and just admitted it, would give me the clear conscious for us to move our seperate ways when our last is off to college.

Sorry for the rant, just tired, old long term job stress, our rocky times in marriage, and the recent 7 days a week schedule with rare exception are well beyond taking a toll.