Children born in a different country to their parents – school and a sense of belonging

Posted by Wunid@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 8 comments

Hi, I’ve been living in Germany for a few years with my wife and our young child. Our child was born here and attends nursery, but I’ll soon have to choose a school for them and I’m torn between a local school and an international one.

As we both lived in our country of birth until the age of 30, just like my wife, we have no idea how children feel who have grown up in a different country to their parents. Do they feel connected to their parents’ country, or do they consider their new country to be their own? At home we speak our native language, and I’m pleased that from nursery onwards our child is learning a second language and will be bilingual, but I also don’t know how long I’ll be living here. I’d like our child to have the smoothest possible move and adjustment to another country, which is why I’m also considering an international school. Do you think that children from international schools feel like outsiders in the countries where they live? Won’t they make many friends with the locals and won’t they have the same connection to the culture as if we were to stay here for longer? Apart from being expensive, do international schools have any other drawbacks? This question is particularly for people who attended such schools in a foreign country.

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Wunid@reddit (OP)

As I mentioned in another reply, I’ve been building contacts in Europe for several years now, and I’d like my child to speak German (and English, of course), as I’ve known the language since I was a child and it’s been very useful to me, even here in my own country, Poland. At home we only speak Polish, and that’s the language our child has learnt from us.

Because I travel around Europe, I feel more attached to Europe than to Germany. It’s good for a child to know some general rules and so on, but in this case I don’t think it’s absolutely essential for them to know the specific traditions for a particular country.

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ihavenosisters@reddit

It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind?

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Wunid@reddit (OP)

I’m a resident of another EU country and I simply work wherever I’m offered a job in Europe. As you say, full integration isn’t necessary, but I’d like him to know German. I learnt German as a child and I’m happy with how I’m getting on in Germany; it’s also come in handy when working in other European countries, so I consider knowing it to be important, but I’m not attached to any particular country – for me, Europe is more like home.

expatforward@reddit

I honestly think the "right" choice depends on what you're not sure yet like how long you'll actually be in Germany.

International school kids often grow up as third culture kids, comfortable with multiple cultures but not fully rooted in any single one. And thrust me, that's not bad, but it's different from what you experienced growing up in one place until 30. I think ;ocal school integration means is likely your child becomes German, which can create that "gap" between you. If you move when they're 10 or 12, pulling them out of that deep local integration is harder than moving a kid who's been in international school systems.

Imo Id focus less on which option is "better" and more on what you're actually planning.

Also, if you dont know yet, look for this term third culture kid, that might help out with things along the way, its already a formal concept, studied and all.

SisterActTori@reddit

My daughter is an ex-pat. She is also the Principal at an American International school. Her child attends the American International school and has been fully bilingual since she was a toddler. My daughter wants her children to have that US diploma so they have the ability to attend US universities, if they so choose.

I’ve worked for international schools and me and my husband had a similar discussion recently. Hes Japanese and I’m German for context. If we live in an English speaking country or our home countries then definitely public school. If it’s another country where we are only for a couple of years, then likely international school. His employer pays for international school, otherwise probably public school in any country.

If your child speaks the local language and you plan on staying in that country you should send them to a local school. Schools teach so much more than just subjects and language. Cultural traditions, cues, behaviors. International school kids are often in a bubble that is somewhat disconnected from the local “culture”.

Is your native language English? What language do you speak at home?

holdmychai@reddit

Our child was also born in Germany, he is school going now. He speaks our native language at home, but was exposed to german in kita and school. I'd say he is well adjusted. He identifies himself today as with our roots, but has been to our home country only few times. At the same time, he is free to adapt his choice as he grows. I have other neices and nephews also living in different countries from parents origin, they all think and behave differently.

We have been to an international school 'test' day here once, there were many local german students as well. If germany is a stopover for you then perhaps full integration isnt critical?

Then-Stage@reddit

I have kids and we have tried sending them to both types of schools. My kids preferred the local schools. The private in English school had a lot of try hards & snobs. The kids never learned enough language there to be meaningful.

The difference between us and you is that we intend to live here longterm. If you only intend to stay a year or two the second language struggle won't be worth it. But if you have a longer horizon & I recommend public school. Good luck.