UPDATE: I convinced my gf to move to the other side of the world with me. She was miserable, homesick, and our relationship has been suffering. She moved home and I am struggling to start a life here without her.

Posted by ThrowRAFlat_Bid_1682@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 16 comments

Hi everyone, a few months ago I posted about my girlfriend struggling after moving from Australia to Spain with me. She was homesick, couldn’t find work, and our relationship was under a lot of stress.

We discussed it and she decided to move home. She has already found an apartment and a job after being back for less than a month and is way happier.

However, I am really worried about how she really feels about me coming out to join her eventually or even to visit. We talked a lot when she first got home and I felt like the long-distance was going well, but since she moved into her new apartment and started a new job last week I feel like the distance has grown between us. We communicate much less and I feel like she doesn't seem very excited to talk with me. I mentioned this to her and she insisted that things between us are fine and she just had a hectic week.

I have been feeling quite down since I am now alone in our old apartment. The reality of long-distance has set in and I feel quite lonely and stressed about what comes next over the next 12 months. I am also left with an expensive apartment on a single income and need to figure out moving out and my next steps.

I thought I would be okay living alone for a while, but I’ve been feeling quite lost. We moved to a city where we didn’t know many people, and now that my girlfriend has left, I realise I don’t really have a deeper social network here and am struggling without a support network. I still go to social events, but it’s not really replacing that sense of stability.

I have considered moving to another town where I have friends and family, but after how stressful the last few months have been, I’m not sure if I’m just reacting emotionally. I have moved around so much over the last 2–3 years that I’m exhausted.

To be honest, I would like to move to join her, but I need to see out my job for another 6 months and save money for the move. It has also upset me that she doesn’t seem very enthusiastic to see me right now. So now I am quite overwhelmed by the thought of moving somewhere else for 6-12 months while she builds a new life and we grow further apart.

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BeeComprehensive5234@reddit

If I were you I’d get a pet.

antizana@reddit

I am sure you appreciate the irony of feeling many of the same things she was feeling - like you don’t have good friends or connections, money may be tight (the expensive apartment was a poor choice to begin with).

Have a realistic plan for how/when to move to Australia, and have a point where you know you would have to make a decision with consequences (like giving up a job or apartment). With a solid plan to end your LDR that could spark more enthusiasm from her side, or if not, you can reevaluate before you take any more permanent steps.

Also keep in mind if you move back to Australia - you’d need to make a new life there, going back to an old life usually doesn’t work. “A man can not step in the same river twice. Because the river is not the same river and the man is not the same man”

naturalconfectionary@reddit

I love this quote

AwkwardRent5758@reddit

Maybe you guys reached the time to move apart. From now on if you move back to her, you'll be the weak link of the couple and she'll always do what she likes. Let's be honest she didn't even try to make a new life.

Other_Midnight_9939@reddit

Same situation here

Ok-Stress2326@reddit

Seems like you’re both outgrowing your relationship. Wanting to live in different cities or countries is a good indicator that you have a different vision of what you want your life to look like. I did this same mistake 3 years ago when I dropped everything and blindly followed my now ex to a new country. Don’t be like me

Captlard@reddit

r/relationships perhaps

Quagga_Resurrection@reddit

To address part of the relationship side of things:

It sounds like you are quite lonely and miss the stability your girlfriend provided. Is it possible that this is coming across in the frequency and way in which you talk with her? It seems plausible that you're leaning on her more than you think, which would be especially difficult when she's trying to establish a new life for herself (again).

Also, you're struggling with the exact same things that she struggled with despite this move being your idea. I would not be surprised if she doesn't want to hear you complain about literally anything pertaining to you living there or being on your own.

I know that sounds harsh, but if you want to keep your relationship with your girlfriend and weather the next five months until you get back, then you need to take ownership for your situation and handle the consequences - good or bad - of your choice. If you're already doing that, then you're golden and can ignore my comment.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time in Spain. I hope you're able to figure out a way to be happy.

MaxInIrving@reddit

Finish out that job and try to reason this out. If she wants you to come back to a job and lifestyle you don't like, then she's not the right one for you. Give things a chance on your own there and see how you feel about it in 6 months. I'm almost 60 and the biggest problems in my life were caused by women who wanted to force me into a way of life that I found absolutely unbearable. Follow your own way.

Valuable_Echo2043@reddit

Trailing spouse syndromes

Old_Jicama_2265@reddit

I’m going to be very honest I’ve been in the same situation before. Choose what you want to do. Really think about do you love Spain or do you genuinely miss Australia. Don’t move back just for the sake of a relationship that may not work.

realprincipessa@reddit

Have a plan with a deadline with her, time frame make LDR feel better and more relaxed because you know in the next 5 months you will be there no matter what.

Talk to her, that you want to move there, in the next 5 months, and this period for you is to earn money and figure out paperwork out there.

Control what you can. That’s better than

splitbrainhack@reddit

too late, doesnt work, waste of time , energy and resources. time to focus not to undo the omelette back to eggs

out of curiosity , you moved your Aus gf to which city in Spain ? you made a waterfall of terrible decisions that lead to losing a girl that blindly trusted your lead. It's not recoverable , reorganize and move on. identify where you were gullible and bit more than you could chew.

Pale-Way9282@reddit

LDR doesn't work without solid planning.

Its also possible that you are imcompatible at present based on your current life trajectories.

You need to clear your head and communicate honestly with her.

macavity_is_a_dog@reddit

Sounds like she is moving on. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.