For those who are or have been parents of toddlers, what 2 pieces of advice can you share please?
Posted by Be_Grateful8@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 221 comments
It could be anything such as getting them to eat, nappies, entertainment, crying you name it.
lilacbluewaters@reddit
If they are sending you crazy either get them outside or in the bath. Also a walk outdoors before bed… take their scooter or balance bike whatever they use, fresh air before bed is the secret I swear!! I don’t do it all the time but when I do, they are so much calmer
MumblingMak@reddit
Take a deep breath.
Yoshpot@reddit
Don't tell them "it's ok!" all the time. You can impart resilience in ways other than dismissing how they're feeling. I say "it will be ok" or "it will stop hurting soon" (for a fall for example). We still encourage her to get back up and brush herself off but we don't dismiss her very real shock or pain (or whatever emotion is understandable for the situation they've found themselves in!)
Sometimes you've just gotta let them find things out the hard way. We told our daughter (nearly 4) not to take her shoes off in the car earlier as we were literally a few minutes from home. She did it anyway so she had to walk inside in her socks despite asking us to put her shoes back on (she can't put her boots on on her own yet) or carry her. It didn't hurt her but she got soggy socks and she realllly didn't enjoy soggy socks!
Asaxii@reddit
Remember to breath. They are going through a lot of emotions. Keep your cool and allow them to get to the bottom of the temper tantrum or interrupt them.
mistybird2197@reddit
Don’t give them iPads/ phones every time to entertain them if you’re busy. Read with them every day, and encourage a love of books.
DaffyDuckOdil@reddit
I agree and don't agree here. Obviously it would be lovely if we were never too busy doing something to play I Spy, but there are times where a screen means you can make dinner. My two have had screens at times but we negotiate what they watch, they watch with subtitles which can help with reading, I try to stay listening when one ear so we can talk about it, and if we are at dinner or in a bus together I don't bury my nose in my phone but talk to them. We are not saints and screens at judicious moments don't make you a terrible parent. Just pick your moments and don't let your child be eaten by wolves.
notthatbluestuff@reddit
Absolutely. Honestly breaks my heart to see kids being babysat by a screen or out at a restaurant staring at a tablet.
Bloody-smashing@reddit
I read to my kids, we read 4 or 5 books a day. They don't have tablets but you bet they get given a screen at a restaurant to keep them happy so we can eat in peace.
We break out the colouring and the magnets first but once they're bored they get a screen. Goes away once their food is there.
ReactionCreepy428@reddit
Yep, restaurants are one of the only times I allow my children to use a tablet. We normally eat out once a week after our Sunday family walk in the forest. I've even heard people comment on it a few times, it doesn't bother me because I know they have a very enriching life at home. I do wonder how people can be so judgmental over a snippet of someone's life though
tiorzol@reddit
Yea the pearl clutching by the holier then thou crowd is too much. Judging someone's whole parenting philosophy on seeing their kid watching Bluey in the restaurant is a bit much.
casiothree@reddit
It’s so easily avoided if you just put a bit of effort in too. What do people think parents did before iPads? What exactly is wrong with crayons and talking you your child?
Visible_Pipe4716@reddit
Do you the attention span of a 3 year old? Crayons get old after about 2 minutes
casiothree@reddit
Works perfectly well if you engage with your child and don’t expect to be able to ignore them.
Visible_Pipe4716@reddit
That’s for the parenting advice I didn’t ask for.
casiothree@reddit
I’m sorry but anyone who thinks it’s acceptable to hand a 3 year old an iPad needs challenging. I’m not interested in giving you advice, but I do think you should feel ashamed.
Visible_Pipe4716@reddit
Couldn’t care less how you think, and I’d say that to your face or anyone else who gives unsolicited parenting opinions. Not your kid, not your problem.
DifferenceTough7288@reddit
Im a teacher. So your badly, sorry, screen parented kid will become my problem and societies problem. It’s your job to raise them right. Do your job.
Visible_Pipe4716@reddit
Well that 3 year old is now 6 and thriving and excelling in school, thank god she doesn’t have a judgemental person like you for a teacher.
DifferenceTough7288@reddit
It’s not a case of being judgemental. There are numerous studies showing the harm of screens, especially on young children. Go look it up and educate yourself
Weewoes@reddit
To be fair though my kid always has a tablet for games or phone for songs on YouTube, she sensory seeks with music and musical toys a lot, she does go to a special school but she is great there and has no screens, she plays and jumps and goes for walks or to the park, she engages well with everything but at home she likes to decompress with her songs and videos while walking around the room, playing with toys, playing, talking or reading a book with us, so for some kids, granted not the majority, screen use can be beneficial or at least not damaging. I can even take them off her fkr breaks randomly and she doesnt get upset. If I have another kid thiugh I'll avoid screens for many years but they will be bombarded with all her music anyway lol
DifferenceTough7288@reddit
What would you have done before tablets were invented?
How are you preparing this child for the real world? She can’t do that at a job or during a 2 hour university lecture.
Visible_Pipe4716@reddit
Why does it matter what people would have done before tablets? How would I have got her to school before cars? How would my wife have had a c section before anaesthetic? Such a stupid argument.
Weewoes@reddit
Would have found another way im sure, she likes noisy toys. My kid wont ever be working a job so she doesnt have to worry about that. We will be her carers until we die or she does and she could well pass before us, her heart has a life span but maybe she gets another or medicine has come far enough to not need an organ donation in tbe future, who knows but from a intellectual side, she wont ever work. Shes currently 10, cant count to 10 without help, can only do her abcs up to F, still in nappies. She has GDD, autism and mild microcephaly. She rocks a lot and arms flaps, she used to self harm byt hitting herself in tbe head and pulling out hair before she had music kind of always available. It helps her a lot so we do that with advice from her therapists and what have you because this is better than her causing herself harm or getting so upset that she puts risk on her heart.
Visible_Pipe4716@reddit
I’m well aware of the impact of screens on children and wouldn’t put my child in front of one for hours on end but if you think 20 mins in a restaurant is going to ruin their life then I don’t know what to tell you. Like I said, she’s 6 now and it didn’t do her any harm. So you educate yourself.
DifferenceTough7288@reddit
You’re quite literally teaching them to be antisocial and shortening their attention span.
You’re also dampening her creativity. Kids need to be bored to get creative.
The fact you’re saying what you’re saying shows you’re blissfully ignorant of the harm screens do because it gives you an easier life and the opportunity to ignore your child who you chose to bring into the world
Visible_Pipe4716@reddit
This is such a sweeping generalisation. You don’t know me, you don’t know my kid. She adores arts and crafts and will happily sit and colour, write stories and make cards, she’s the most creative person I’ve ever met. And I’m not ignoring her, not at all, her watching a cartoon before bed or while I have a shower isn’t ignoring her. You literally have no idea what you’re talking about.
AcrobaticAuthor6539@reddit
I have 3 kids, all on various ranges of the autism spectrum, so I definitely get the attention span of a 3 year old.
And so when the crayons get old, you play a game. Or have a conversation. Or hand them a board book.
It's really not rocket science.
Mindless_Plastic3370@reddit
Yup. We don’t allow screens out of house. Restaurants etc take activity/ sticker books, small toys etc. Much easier as they get older if this has always been the norm
notthatbluestuff@reddit
Oof. I’m sure that screen will improve their attention span!
tiorzol@reddit
How dare a parent let a kid watch something for twenty minutes so they can have some lunch.
escapingfromelba@reddit
Eating together is a valuable social skill that is learned (art of conversation, small talk, handing over the baton to talk, listening), it's also a time for a family to bond as you get to know each other. Outcomes for families that do it are better and it's something mentioned in school PSHE lessons.
tiorzol@reddit
Indeed. That's why we do it every day at home together.
escapingfromelba@reddit
Of course you do. And eating out is a different environment where other people in the venue are important etc etc so a whole set of opportunities to develop a child.
escapingfromelba@reddit
A screen when eating is awful. Families that eat together have better outcomes in life in general, and it's a chance to bond as family unit or to learn how to hold a conversation, how to hear about other peoples day or problems or successes etc.
NurseAbbers@reddit
This is so ableist.
What if the child is autistic and can only regulate with a screen? Do Autistic kids not get to go to places without being judged?
Pick your battles.
AcrobaticAuthor6539@reddit
I have 3 kids with autism and screens make it so much harder for them to self-regulate after watching for a bit.
"Can only regulate with a screen" is absolutely not a thing. They're not "regulating," they're getting a series of dopamine hits that helps stills their body for a few minutes while creating a significantly larger problem by addicting their brains to higher levels of dopamine than their brains can produce. As soon as that screen goes away, their brain goes into overdrive trying to keep the dopamine going, and everything falls apart.
It's actually really offense to autistic people that you're claiming that autistic kids need to be addicted to screens in order to self regulate. The science very much says the opposite. Believe it or not, autistic kids can also be entertained in restaurants with crayons and conversation and games and everything else parents did before tablets were available.
Weewoes@reddit
Mine uses screens for her songs as she sensory seeks music, all from the wiggles, she also has musical toys but she sometimes does both at the same time. She doesnt meltdown when the screen goes away either. Not like this for every autistic child thiugh, my older kid would be more how yours are but for my younger it doesnt negatively affect her. We dont do screens when out thiugh. She has a lanyard with keys and teddy keyrings for sensory input, maybe a not so loud musical toy for while out too if she needs that input.
notthatbluestuff@reddit
Absolutely atrocious take.
Visible_Pipe4716@reddit
God forbid parents want to eat a meal.
AcrobaticAuthor6539@reddit
Bizarre how parents went hundreds of thousands of years eating meals with their kids without screens.
Visible_Pipe4716@reddit
Did they? How do you know?
kewpiemoon@reddit
Well TVs weren’t around until the 1950s so take a wild guess
notthatbluestuff@reddit
I wonder how parents ate meals with their kids back in the days of yore.
rossco832@reddit
Probably with threats of violence and fear. But don’t worry you keep judging people
AcrobaticAuthor6539@reddit
The really bizarre judgment is accusing people who parented before iPads at the table of being violent and making their kids scared of them.
We're not talking strict Victorian parenting here. We're talking, like, 2010. I promise you we weren't having our kids go out back to pick out a switch in case they misbehaved at the table. It was more about bringing crayons and paper and talking to them.
rossco832@reddit
I don’t actually disagree about iPads and kids, however I really try my best to not be as judgy as you are coming across. Times change, people change and methods change.
Just because something happened before does not mean it should stay the same.
freckledotter@reddit
Probably swamped by children while the parents go completely insane.
Visible_Pipe4716@reddit
This!
amytee252@reddit
Also breaks my heart to see parents browse tick tock on their phone for entire train journey's and the kid is screaming out for attention/love/affection.
AcrobaticAuthor6539@reddit
It's so, so counterproductive and terrible for their development to get instant gratification and 24 hour entertainment. Learning to be bored is a very, very valuably life skill.
I'm a teacher, and there's such a major difference in how kids behaved in class once the age group that had been watching tablets since birth came up. No resilience, they need constant entertaining, they give up immediately if something doesn't work, they expect everything to be right or wrong with no area for nuance or complicated answers (because every "educational game" has answers that are either right or wrong). And their attention span just went completely out the window, overnight.
It's really not worth the 30 minutes of ignoring them. Just put them to bed at 7pm and have your adult conversation after, like generations of parents before.
Visible_Pipe4716@reddit
“Just put them to bed” like it’s not a nightly hour and half battle 🤣🤣
AcrobaticAuthor6539@reddit
That sounds really tough.
I know you said that you don't want advice, but I've been there and I get that it's really hard. I had 3 kids in the space of 4 years, and it eventually turned out that they all had autism, ADHD, and anxiety disorders, so bedtime was a special kind of torture for a few years.
Happy to give some advice if you'd like. It really shouldn't be taking 90 minutes every night, even for particularly complex kids. That's definitely unsustainable.
saintnegative@reddit
My son is 15 months and has loved books for the last two months. He brings them over to me, climbs the sofa and gets comfy to then throw it at me so I can read. I’m a huge book worm so I’m really glad he’s taken a liking in reading. Yes, I can read the same book 10 times a day but seeing him concentrate on my face and actively listen makes it 100% worth it to me.
fuzzydunlop54321@reddit
I’ve honestly found reading books to them just continues to get better and better in the toddler years. A couple of weeks ago my three-year-old took a book of the shelf and said would you like me to read this to you to his baby sister then did his best at ‘reading’ the whole thing to her. It’s so sweet.
AveyWaves21@reddit
Was at the park not too long ago with the family and this dad and his 2 daughters were sitting on the equipment on their phones. Absolutely shocking. Never given my 4 year old a tablet and she loves books and playing
fuzzydunlop54321@reddit
Sometimes I worry my three-year-old gets too much (age-appropriate) tv but then I see stuff like this and realise i’m good lol
Spare-Egg24@reddit
Reading is great but talking is better. When my daughter was in nursery we were selected to be part of a trial on parental reading. We got a book a week, read the same book each day for one week and after reading there were different games/activities based on the story. It encouraged conversation around the story and improved comprehension. I now try to do the same (less formal) with my son. I'm convinced this is partly why my daughter is so clever
The_Blip@reddit
Was doing some shopping and passed a lady shopping with her toddler. He was whinging about being bored and she just responded, "Yeah, me too. I also find shopping boring, but we need to do it." And thought, "good on her."
escapingfromelba@reddit
Boredom is a chance to build resilience and some skills, it's something we need kids to have more of. In the case of the supermarket they have to make conversation with mum and/or to get used to time with their own thoughts.
theowleryonehundred@reddit
Agreed. So much parenting is now just giving the child a tablet or phone and letting them watch rubbish, or even worse, scroll. Lazy of the parents and terrible for child development.
IDoMeanWell@reddit
1: If you need to stick them in front of CBeebies whilst you have a shower or a poo or make tea or are too tired to make another leaf collage, don't feel guilty.
2: If they won't eat their dinner (and you know it's not because they don't like it) then rather than getting frustrated and telling them they have to eat it, turn it into a game. Older toddlers find it funny to have spoonfuls of food when you expressly tell them that they MUST NOT eat and that you'll be so cross if they eat it that you will do a funny dance in your rage. Younger toddlers find it funny to pretend they are dinosaurs eating Dino food.
electricmohair@reddit
When I was around 5, one of my older siblings made a bet that I could never eat all of the peas on my plate. I thought I was sooo brilliant because I ate them all up and won the bet.
llksg@reddit
Just another way of managing shower times: I bring my kids into the bathroom with books if I haven’t showered before the other parent leaves the house.
For us, Tv is for when I’m putting the baby down or they’re poorly IMO
AcrobaticAuthor6539@reddit
I had a "eat all of one thing" rule. It involved having a bunch of different choices on the plate, in very small amounts. They had to eat all of one thing. This gave them the feeling of control that they clearly needed, and then once they started eating one thing they generally just ate everything else. And since small portions are key here, obviously they could have 2nds of anything.
Acceptable_Mud_9249@reddit
I did "try everything on the plate atleast one proper bite", once they could understand that. Before they can be reasoned with though it's just a case of taking each meal in stride, some days they eat like a horse and others you're lucky to get one full meals worth in them. It all evens out over the week.
The try everything thing stuck so hard my 12 year old still does it.
theowleryonehundred@reddit
I wouldn't agree with the first part of your second point.
Telling a toddler not to eat food can encourage a bad relationship with certain food types or make them think food or eating is a bad thing.
A toddler won't let themselves starve. Let them eat intuitively and don't make a big fuss about food or what they are or aren't eating. If they don't want something one meal, that's fine; they'll probably make up for it at the next meal or tomorrow. Don't offer them alternatives, don't say they can't have dessert because they've not had their main, don't make food a fight.
IDoMeanWell@reddit
I never told my toddlers not to eat food..... The "don't you dare eat that!" game was only introduced when they were old enough to understand it was joking around (hence suggesting it for older toddlers). They never felt that they actually weren't allowed to eat stuff - they were in on the joke and loved it. If it got to the point that they weren't joining in the game or it was clear that they had just had enough then we'd stop.
I agree not to make food a fight, I made it fun.
In fact there's very little I've told my kids not to eat. We decided not to teach the kids that there are "bad" foods - just that some food is great to eat plenty of and some food is great to eat every now and then etc. Worked so far and they are much older now 🙂
Lassmeetsbored@reddit
My little one is approaching 7 and we still do the ‘I can’t wait to get all your leftovers- WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ATE IT ALL??’ game!
tiorzol@reddit
Ah man that's a good idea.
loveswimmingpools@reddit
Singing calms toddlers down when they're upset. Enjoy your toddler because that phase goes so quickly and is truly wonderful.
Friendly-Sun2413@reddit
Really ? Mine tells me to be quiet and throws himself on the floor lol
loveswimmingpools@reddit
Im sure you have a beautiful voice really! 😉
Acceptable_Mud_9249@reddit
I know people hate to be told "enjoy it while it lasts" because it truly is so hard some days, but you genuinely do miss it once it's gone. I told myself when my older two were toddlers to find the funny in as much of the toddler terrors as I could, rather than getting agitated and it made it so much easier to deal with the tantrums and feral behaviour.
loveswimmingpools@reddit
It does feel hard some days. But as you say, trying to see the funny and the sweet in everything really helps. And I look back and long for those days sometimes.
Successful_Repair393@reddit
Teach and encourage to be tidy and helpful around the house and talk to them like they’re an adult.
RoutineAbroad3486@reddit
A gently, well placed cotton bud can relieve constipation.
Enjoy it, it flies by.
Alive-Accountant1917@reddit
How is that helpful? Well placed where?
RoutineAbroad3486@reddit
Because it helps stimulate the rectum. Extremely old advice granted but it basically solved a weeks long agonising situation for my little one.
Alive-Accountant1917@reddit
But where are you placing it?
RoutineAbroad3486@reddit
Are you thick? The anus obviously.
Google it if you’re struggling so much. Literally a tip we were given by a midwife, and there’s literally tons of mentions across multiple websites. Christ almighty
Alive-Accountant1917@reddit
Are you thick? Three comments for you to finally say where the well placed cotton bud should go, and instead of just saying you’d rather I google sticking stuff up a baby’s arse?
RoutineAbroad3486@reddit
First reply mentioned the rectum, so I’m not gonna be talking about putting in the eye am I brainwave.
Pretty odd that you think it involves sticking anything up a baby’s “arse”. Proper weirdo
Alive-Accountant1917@reddit
Saying a well placed cotton bud can stimulate the rectum isn’t the same as saying using a cotton bud to manually stimulate the anus.
I could say a well placed cotton bud can stimulate the bladder, that doesn’t mean manually stimulating the urethra opening, it means sticking a cotton bud in your belly button.
It’s not odd to think when you said stimulate the rectum that you actually meant you inserted cotton to manually stimulate the rectum, instead of just near it.
connectfourvsrisk@reddit
You can frequently get a splinter out using a calpol syringe. It creates a vacuum. It might take a couple of goes but is easier than tweezers and even if it doesn’t come out completely it can help get out enough that it’s easier to grab with the tweezers. Saves a lot of trouble.
Make all beds (including your own) using the “lasagne method”: waterproof sheet + fitted sheet + waterproof sheet + fitted sheet. Then if a child is ill or spills something in the night you just take off the soiled layer and don’t have to run around in the night looking for clean sheets. Spending a bit on good quality waterproof sheets is well worth it. You’ll be so happy you did the night someone comes down with a D&V bug.
Ornery-Wasabi-1018@reddit
Get out of the house every day.
It doesnt have to be toddler specific softplay or swimming, it might just be walking to the end of the road to post a letter, or a trip to the shops, but get them out, ideally walking, every day.
Adventurous_Deal2788@reddit
Yes I agree it's madness staying in with a toddler unless you want your house to look like a tornado touched down there
DarthEros@reddit
This would be my top tip too. We always go for a little walk if nothing else. It wears out their little legs and helps everyone with their sanity.
teacup901@reddit
This! We live in a small house so getting out is essential
Wise_Huckleberry_116@reddit
When they're having a tantrum, they're just processing their emotions. Let them get it all out, don't engage and then move swiftly on. A lot of tantrums come from wanting more autonomy and not getting it, so try to build your home to encourage more independence - things like learning towers so they can see what you're doing more easily, making it easy for them to get in and out of their toddler chairs, having their own toddler safe version of things if they want to be involved with whatever you're doing etc.
Toddlers also have a hard time imagining possibilities, so if you (e.g.) try to bribe them with something and they're still not taking to it, it helps if they can physically see the thing you're trying to lure them with.
rossco832@reddit
Don’t listen to other parents bragging about what their kid can do. Or what they do and don’t allow their kid to eat/have
Affectionate-Till345@reddit
And the age they started doing these things at!my daughter was the last to crawl and the first to walk but the crawling stage I was unnecessarily worried.
ComplexBeautiful5152@reddit
Retired Health visitor and mum of 2. The bragging is unbearable. Children with the right care and attention all get there. My son was late talking so I was told! Can't shut him up now! Ignore them children aren't a competition.
Available-Nose-5666@reddit
Yes and don’t listen to other relatives. Just because they did A,B and C with their children doesn’t mean us as parents have to follow suit
annedroiid@reddit
Leave time for them to enjoy themselves and remember not all fun has to be scheduled. My son wanted to go to the park last weekend and it took us 30 minutes because he was stopping every 5 seconds to look at things along the way, point them out or play some sort of game. The important part is they're having fun.
On a related note, everything will take significantly longer than it did before. Incorporate that into your schedule so you don't feel rushed.
Electrical-Cod5329@reddit
This too shall pass And Don’t try and potty train until they are ready. It simply won’t work. Source me- parent to 4 now adults ( 3 under 5 at one point) and registered childcare career for years
banwe11@reddit
How do you know when they are ready?
Acceptable_Mud_9249@reddit
Tacking onto your other reply, they also start to take off their nappy themselves when it's dirty. I waited for that as my signal and we had virtually no issues potty training.
banwe11@reddit
Yeah I have spoken to people about this and sometimes they don't reach this stage on their own (particularly boys apparently). They may need encouragement by putting them in ordinary underwear which increases the discomfort when soiled/wet. Even then, some kids still aren't particularly bothered.
BagOFrogs@reddit
I’ve heard that nappies are so much better these days that toddlers aren’t so motivated to be potty trained as they once were.
Acceptable_Mud_9249@reddit
This is a good point, my older boy would happily stay in his own dooky for a while!
MonkeyHamlet@reddit
I’d forgotten that stage! (Mercifully)
MonkeyHamlet@reddit
They become a bit obsessed with following you to the loo, and they start to hide when soiling their nappies.
Dazzling-Performer50@reddit
Keep a log of the funny things they say and do, including funny pronunciations of certain words because you will forget and these moments are magical
Cheese_Dinosaur@reddit
No television (or screens) in the bedroom!! I will die on this hill. Audio books are your friend at bedtime.
As long as they aren’t eating nothing but sweets; let them have whatever they want for meals. Majority of food these days isn’t that bad. I gave my son a chocolate muffin for breakfast every day for a couple of weeks once, because it at least meant he ate before school and it prevented stress in the morning!!
They are little for such a short time, enjoy every minute of it!
squeakypeaks@reddit
Set boundaries and expectations now. Feeling horrible for giving them a sit on the step for misbehaving is far better for them and you in the long run. It became a choice for my son "stop or step" so he learned how to regulate himself. And tell them why things are happening, in a way they understand but don't lie to them. We had a lot of grief in the family as he was growing up and we explained that granddad was poorly and that he was not going to be in our lives forever. Not the gory details, just enough to help him understand his position in the things that happened and that we could talk about anything that was bothering him. Telling them why we don't do a certain behaviour allows them to digest the info and start to use it for themselves. He's 14 now and I love him massively but still miss him as a toddler. Time flies
Miss_Doodles@reddit
Pick your battles. If they like the red cup rather than the blue one just let them have it. Same as the 'I can do it myself' phase, if you've got time then let them do it. You learn negotiation/compromise so much at this age
Skydance1975@reddit
I opened the post to say 'pick your battles' and the first comment I see is yours! Great minds and all that... 😁
Miss_Doodles@reddit
😂 I think we've all been there, walking along with a toddler wearing odd shoes, mismatched clothes (or a dressing up costume) because it just wasn't worth the agro 😂 if it isn't something that'll cause actual harm then its just easier to let it go and have a happy day
alltorque1982@reddit
Can you tell my wife this please? I am constantly telling her to pick her battles with our child. 'But he is not doing what I've asked'....OK, but look at HOW and WHAT you're asking him! If wearing his blue top instead of the green one you picked means THAT much to him, just let him wear it instead of WW3!!
Miss_Doodles@reddit
Yeah it just isn't worth the meltdown and it gives them a little bit of control in their day. Maybe it's worth suggesting that they pre plan stuff like that? Like getting him to choose what he wants to wear the night before and laying it out or giving options like being able to choose if he wears wellies or crocs etc?
alltorque1982@reddit
Yep, that's what I do. I guess it's almost a direct response to our own upbringing. My parents controlled the 'big' stuff, like days out, dinners, bed times etc, but we had freedom to make our own choices. Funnily enough, 99% it was the 'right' one, eg we always tidied our rooms because 'we preferred it', or we were not given chores but always helped out with stuff anyway, cutting grass, washing up, washing the car etc. Genius move by the parents really!
Wife's upbringing, EVERYTHING was controlled, and it was constant arguments and rebellion. Chore lists, eating disorders, petty crime etc. All because she wasn't ALLOWED to do anything that wasn't specified.
Now, with my child I give freedom in the same way and we rarely have a cross word. Wife has lots of little snipey arguments. I am always telling her to chill out or history will repeat itself 🤣
Weewoes@reddit
This must be so difficult for your kid too, learning one way is okay but then with mum its not. I argue more about how to parent with my partner than anything else lol. Hes mellowed a bit but hes very rush tbis rush thst where as im more easy going and dont mind them taking their time to do things more their way. Like our younger kid does have disabilities but we really need to let her learn to do certain things but hes not got tbe patience to let her get it wrong or take long putting on trousers etc whereas im fine with that so she just doesn't learn as quickly as she probably could.
alltorque1982@reddit
It's like we are the same person lol!! We only argue about parenting and how I make her seem like the bad guy, which is absolutely not intentional, but I'm just more chilled.
Weewoes@reddit
Yeah its a tough one, I mind ine time my kid was meant o be going bed, we were good with routine and eith her having extra needs this was good but we were having fun doing some songs or something and she was still very young so was doing actions, im having a great time and hes there saying come on youre wakening her up, and I get it but also I was having a fun moment, she still went bed fine lol.
escapingfromelba@reddit
I'd argue that you want kids to control the small stuff and to have plenty of scope to fuck it up. For example for low impact trips then get them to pack their bags and botch it, or for short trips then let them insist on no coat and learn about getting damp or cold. The idea is that they learn by doing and a hundred low consequence mistakes build up skills and resilience for when something significant comes along.
Loads of parents seem to forget that their purpose is to do themselves out of the job over time. It's not to hoard skills, knowledge or resilience or to always be in a mad rush so getting them out the door is the priority. It's to hand skills to manage yourself over.
alltorque1982@reddit
Nicely put 😊
kitknit81@reddit
Pick your battles goes beyond toddler phase too lol. My kiddo is seven and i still decide what’s worth dying on a hill over or what I can just let go
Gullible-Yam-8098@reddit
I'm also sure I once heard or read that constantly interfering with them instead of waiting for them to finish what they're doing or ask for help makes them less interested in trying new things in the long term. If true it sounds very beneficial to let them try.
Available-Nose-5666@reddit
I can confirm this is correct. My son has always wanted to be independent. If he’s taking too long doing something he doesn’t want me to interject. If he needs my help he knows to come to me.
Extra-Sound-1714@reddit
Yes the let me do it is nature's way of trying to get them to learn and increase their independence. It helps kids self esteem if they can do more for themselves.
Embarrassed_Park2212@reddit
I just came here to say this. Excellent advice.
stepsmcgee@reddit
Ditto.
ImNot_AnNPC@reddit
Do your very best not to take the easy route and give them a tablet/phone to keep the little ones occupied.
Let them get bored! That way their developing brain can get used to boredom.. and by extension letting their imagination run free. Constantly being fed entertainment via a screen is not at all good and there are studies that back this.
Let the only screen they get to interact with is the TV in the living room because that way you all can supervise what they see and get involved with what they see and hear. A tablet/phone is a solitary experience - let's be real.
fxshnchxps@reddit
All kids are different. Ignore the boasters, your child will develop and grow at a pace that’s right for them.
When your kid is 25, no one is going to give a shit if they could walk at 10 months, or if they were potty trained at 18 months, or any of the useless rubbish parents like to brag about.
Teach them some independence, even if they can’t speak. “Mummy needs to do xyz now, why don’t you do some colouring?” so that they know you can’t be glued to them 24/7, but you’re still there
LolaWithTheGreenEyes@reddit
Don't say "no" too much. Otherwise it loses its power. You need to pick and choose what is really important to say no to so that when you do say no, they know you really mean it.
Acceptable_Mud_9249@reddit
Yes this! I try to find other words to replace no that give the 'why', so if my toddler is sticking his hand in the bin I'll say "uh-oh dirty!" or if he's climbing "too big/high!".
LolaWithTheGreenEyes@reddit
That will make you sick. Work's a treat.
And because my mum was boomer generation, I got the "dont touch that, it will kill you" 😆 no changing the plants in our garden lol.
Acceptable_Mud_9249@reddit
Hahaha my friend told her kids everything she didn't want to share was spicy
Another_gryffindor@reddit
Agreed!
A practical application of this is to, create 'yes' spaces in the home and take them to 'yes' spaces outside, especially if you've just had to deal with some intense 'no' spaces (like grandma's house which is filled with glass cabinets full of porcelain). For example make the lounge as kid proof as possible, the only things you should have to say no to are things which you can do nothing about like pug sockets or whatever.
Outdoor yes spaces are like the zoo or a museum, tell them to lead the way. Sure you might go around the dinosaur section three times before you throw in a gentle redirection, but handing them the reigns is good for them and pretty good to prevent your decision fatigue too!
LolaWithTheGreenEyes@reddit
Also, if you have flooring that allows it, washable pens will save your walls and help develope those fine motor skills. Just mop it up at the end of the day.
bopeepsheep@reddit
Yup, this was a sanity saver. Don't say no, say why not? (And if there's a good reason why not, explain it and find something similar to do if you can.) We can jump in muddy puddles, if we're willing to accept a bath and some laundry as a result. We can eat dinner as a picnic on the floor, if we put down a blanket and choose appropriate foods. We can go for a walk at 6am if it's safe to do so and doesn't interfere with fixed plans and when we can't, we probably can go into the garden or plan a walk for another time.
A_In_Wonderland@reddit
A toddler’s language is fun! Finding the fun in things is easier than battling (fly to bed, eat like a dinosaur, brush the monsters from your teeth).
PetiteGardener144@reddit
Positive reinforcement. Whenever you catch them being good, point it out and praise them. You have to actually pay attention to your kid to do this one, mind.
"That's a big word! Well done."
"Oh all your foods gone. That's nice to see."
"You were walking very nicely from the car. Everyone around us was very pleased."
It works a hell of a lot better than being that shouting mum that makes the public collectively cringe.
A_In_Wonderland@reddit
Yes!! So many parenting tips focus on what to do when they’re doing something wrong instead of when they’re doing something right!!
EnglandEgypt2024@reddit
Teach them baby sign language, makaton etc. Gosh it saved sooooooooo many toddler temper tantrums- I'm sure most of them are frustration. If you can nail the basics " up, more, milk, juice, tired, love, mummy, daddy, hungry" you're halfway there.
mrfluffypants1504@reddit
My daughter learnt sign language at 2 at nursery because they had a non verbal downs boy. Unfortunately, because my daughter had hearing problems, she stopped trying to learn speech and went straight for sign language! I had to ask the staff to use words with her instead. It was a real shame as she was good at learning it and forgot it very quickly. Once she had grommets age 3, she was great and started talking up a storm.
A_In_Wonderland@reddit
Makaton signs should be shown alongside the spoken word! It shouldn’t be an either/ or situation. Using signs encourages speech in verbal children.
AffectionateWeb613@reddit
It’s super hard sometimes I know … sometimes she just want to lock herself in a cupboard to get two minutes to yourself!
but building the relationship with your child at this stage will be how your relationship involves into their adulthood.
Listen to them, choose your battles, be patient, be kind, be calm but firm. Explain to them why they have to do something or not do something but still follow through with them having to do it or not having to do it.
Teach their manners, teach them respect, and show them that you are 100% trustworthy.
Make them feel loved, safe, heard and valuable because they really are valuable.
mrfluffypants1504@reddit
Yep, I did this with my soon to be 16 yr old. We have a great reletionship and she is a wonderful human being.
Acceptable_Mud_9249@reddit
Perfect reply. This is actual 'gentle parenting', (a term I've always hated)
Did this with my older two and while I obviously cannot speak for every parent or child, it has made raising my kids so much more joyful than stressful even in the tough days. And we're reaping the benefits already, at ages 9 and 12 they come and talk to me about anything and everything and I'm just so proud of them.
teacup901@reddit
Wonderful. Not OP but thank you
mrfluffypants1504@reddit
When they are having a tantrum, its usually frustration that you don't understand them. I used to hug my toddler firmly so she knew she was safe to cry it out. She had very few tantrums.
If you absolutely have to take them food shopping and they hate it as much as mine did, give them food to eat at the start and then get them to help (hand them non breakables to throw in the trolley). I saw it on Supernanny and it worked a treat!
bonamoureux@reddit
Silence is not golden.
Silence is very very suspicious.
adymann@reddit
Never pick them up while standing in a doorway and never lose sight of them when out and about.
nicknamependingg@reddit
Hard decisions now for an easy life later.
Put the effort in, be consistent, parent the child. You will reap the rewards later when your child is raised well.
BertieBus@reddit
Give them a countdown when you know they will kick of, leaving the park?We've got 10 minutes more then we will go, then we have 5 more minutes and we will go. Right last go, would you like the slide/swing or would you like to eat the sand? Right of we go, do you want mummy to hold your coat or are you going to wear it?
We used to do this for putting toys away etc, turning TV of, leaving the park etc. he didn't understand the physical time element, but he understood that we were going to leave. As opposed to leaving abruptly.
As others said pick you battles. If they want to take teddy on the walk, yes, but he must stay in the pushchair because he doesn't have shoes etc.
We never really had the terrible two's, we kept to a nap schedule and the rare occasion he kicked of if was over in about a minute. This made up for him being a fucking nightmare as a baby.
Mysterious-Sock39@reddit
Money saving tip .. .vinted,vinted,vinted can't stress enough how much money we saved £8 Clarks shoes instead of 50 for a few months
Any_Willingness_9085@reddit
Kids relish boundaries and they relish pushing them. Let them push but enforce boundaries. It's perfectly fine to say no to a toddler but don't be dogged about it or it's counter-productive. Distraction is your Ace card.
MonkeyHamlet@reddit
If you’re going to give in, give in straight away. Don’t have the whole tantrum play out and then give in.
Personally I refused to fight with my son about food. I considered it my job to offer food and his job to decide whether or not to eat it. Did he sometimes have bread, cheese and fruit for dinner? Sure. But he’s 17 now and will try pretty much anything, has a varied and healthy diet, cooks 2-3 meals a week for the family, and doesn’t have one of those “my mum forced me to eat a whole x and now I refuse to touch x” stories.
I’m very aware that this is a very privileged position to come from.
RBisoldandtired@reddit
Read to them as often as possible
kle209@reddit
Bad moods (both yours and theirs) will nearly always be improved if you take them outside or put them in water! Go for a walk, give them a bath or let them play with water - it really really works!!
GinBitch@reddit
It feels like the behaviour you're not enjoying will never end. It does.
Pick your battles. Sometimes giving in is the best for everyone.
Practical-Split-6142@reddit
Routine, routine routine for sleep! Bedtime routine of bathtime and pjs, little supper, storytime in their OWN bed, cute but dim nightlight on with blackout curtains, sleep. Try to limit afternoon naps now and wear them out for an early bedtime.
luala@reddit
Parentings only hard if you give a shit.
You’re in charge.
SongsAboutGhosts@reddit
Always remember that it is your job - you owe it to them - to meet their needs, and try and remember what their needs are. Seeing things from their perspective and making sure you're meeting the threshold for things to explore and enough to eat when they're actually hungry, for example, can head off a fair few tantrums. Get a snack ready for nursery pickup, don't expect them to want to spend a day in bed with you just because you're tired, etc.
They often love feeling grown up, having responsibility, getting involved in what you're doing. It's tough when you have a baby to try and balance chores, it gets a bit easier when you have a toddler if you can involve them.
Pikmanpikman@reddit
Don’t forget your marriage. Everything with kids is a phase, so really enjoy the enjoyable bits 😅
GrandAsOwt@reddit
If you give your child two choices, they’re likely to choose the one you mentioned last. So if there’s only a banana and an apple left, and you really want the banana for your breakfast, “Would you like the banana or the apple?” will probably leave you with the banana. Obviously this isn’t going to happen with “Would you prefer chocolate cake or these delicious Brussels sprouts?” but it works for roughly equal choices.
Earnest_Shacklton@reddit
[1] read with them every day - especially good at bedtime .
[2] learnt the 1-2-3 discipline system. It worked like magic in our house.
ClarifyingMe@reddit
Don't take it personally.
Healthy_Pilot_6358@reddit
As hard as it is, you will get through this all…then one day you will be looking at old photos and wishing you could be right back in that moment just to hold them, smell them, kiss and cuddle them.
NurseAbbers@reddit
Pick your battles
This too shall pass.
fancycakelover@reddit
Rotate toys. You don't need to constantly buy them stuff. Take stuff away and bring it back again in a few weeks and it's like a new toy all over again
Soggy_Detective_4737@reddit
A lot of it is picking your battles, or making things into a game.
They don't want to eat that thing, or don't want to eat when you want them to? Don't make them. They'll eat when they're hungry. You don't want to eat certain things, or when you're not hungry, and neither do they. If it's something new and they are hungry but refusing to try it, try ignoring them and eating it yourself, but making a fuss about how much you're enjoying it. Often kids will try things because other people look like they're having a great time.
They're not picking up their toys when you ask them to? Make it into a game. Who can pick up five cars first? Allocate colours. Who can collect their colours first?
If they're awake, don't be glued to your phone. When they ask questions, make a point of letting them know you're listening to them. Ask them what they think about what they've asked. If you don't know the answer, find a way to learn about it together.
Kids make mess. They have accidents. They spill things. Don't get angry at them. Teach them that things happen to us all, and that we can work together to make those things better.
priiizes9091@reddit
They just want your attention… only thing is it’s 24/7!
wtfftw1042@reddit
Distraction, choices, singing and silly voices.
Sufficient_Bag_4551@reddit
I also had a wind up toy (walking 3 eyed alien from toy story) that got brought out if they fell and really were inconsolable
TieDyePandas@reddit
Toddlers are basically puppies, keep them fed, watered, clean and let them run around in an open field every few days.
No-Daikon3645@reddit
Be patient. Give them time to try activites. Listen. Enjoy them.
Geezer-McGeezer@reddit
Be positive in all your interactions
Never shout and scream, stay calm
Give them the best experiences you can, you are laying down the foundations of their personality.
becpuss@reddit
Let them explore many parents are over cautious. Also toddlers and young children should not be able to sit quietly we expect too much older behaviour from young children we celebrate them learning to walk then it s still and learn. Too many parents assume adhd when it’s normal for children to be active.
JimmyBallocks@reddit
Once they start to show a clear preference for one particular toy / plushie or something as a comforter- buy another one exactly the same.
That way they don’t have to be without it while it’s being washed, it will last twice as long, and most importantly when the day comes that they leave it behind somewhere it is not lost.
Bloody-smashing@reddit
Just roll with it.
They don't have a rational brain. Always ask before you peel or cut something because you will peel the banana and they will cry because you peeled the banana.
It doesn't last long. Everyone talks about terrible twos well personally I think 3 is worse then they start to mellow out.
tiorzol@reddit
My three year old is a right terror at the mo, he was sweet at two as well.
theowleryonehundred@reddit
Fully agree with your last point.
Bloody-smashing@reddit
Yeah my two tend to eat a good breakfast, big lunch then they aren't very hungry at dinner time.
They get some milk and/or some cereal before bed if they're hungry.
TheNinjaPixie@reddit
Ask then if they want to wear item a or item b rather than let the choose for 20 items. and remember that all of us have food likes and dislikes so rather than force things they won't eat again with the choice would you like peas or carrots? making them feel like them have input makes them feel important, and steering away from potential food disorders is priceless.
glittermaniac@reddit
Pick your battles and let the unimportant things go. It’s more important that they learn to say please and thank you than they can potty train before they are 2. Manners and politeness will be ingrained from a young age and stick with them through life out of habit, being the first in their peer group to gain some arbitrary skill that they will all pick up within 6 months is unlikely to have any lasting impact on their lives.
AhhGingerKids2@reddit
1) Your job is to control and be responsible for YOUR emotions, which in turn helps them learn to regulate theirs. If it is disruptive to others it is your responsibility to take them out of that situation, and you can guide how certain emotions can be managed and what is/isn’t appropriate, but you cannot and should not try to control their emotions.
2) Most of the time they want to be doing what you’re doing, have patience and if you can’t be positive at least be neutral.
FidgetyHog@reddit
Toddlers get overwhelmed with choice. Offer them a choice of two things maximum (eg instead of asking what vegetables they want with their pasta, ask if they want peas or carrots), then they feel they have a say in things but they are both acceptable choices to you. TBF this works on adults too 😁
poppanicolino@reddit
Learn about what’s happening in their brain and how they’re developing as people. It will help you understand them so much more and will hopefully help with things that might otherwise feel irrational and frustrating.
Make the most of the fun times. Cleaning and tidying can wait, and toddlers growing up will only happen once. And it happens bloody quickly.
R3ddit300@reddit
Read and read and when you think you've done lots, read some more.
Ask them questions and give them time to answer. Then ask them about the answer.
AcrobaticAuthor6539@reddit
1) Never get into a power struggle you can't win.
2) The only way you can win a power struggle with a toddler is with physical force.
Sometimes, #2 is necessary. Are you really a parent of a toddler if you haven't had to basically sit on them to buckle them into the carseat? Carseats are non-negotiable, even if that means you're wrestling with a live eel while swearing under your breath and wondering where that calm parent you always thought you'd be went.
But unless it's an immediate health or safety issue, then obviously #2 is something to avoid, which means that you need to avoid #1 too.
-whichwayisup@reddit
They are not all the same, just because they are not following what some books or other people say does not make you a bad parent.
You can't rationalise with kids at that stage very easily.
Lenniel@reddit
They get to an age where they want to make a decision about what they do/wear/eat. Give them two options that are acceptable to you.
Keep giving them foods that they say they don’t like, don’t make a big deal out of them eating/not eating something, there’s a lot to be said for sitting and eating together.
Had 3 in 3.5 years, they’re teenagers now, I’d swap them any day for toddlers 😂😂
PumpyMcHangerson@reddit
When you say toddler, I am aiming 2-4 year olds with my tips below.
Source: full-time single father of 3 from when they were 3, 4 & 6 years old.
Toilet training:
Get a step with a small toilet seat on it that goes on the toilet.
Sticker chart on the wall next to the toilet.
A dry try: 1 high five and praise and 'let's try again later'
A pee: 1 sticker on the chart. A poop: 2 stickers on the chart.
Takes weeks not months.
Sleeping in own bed:
Magic chair:
Sit on a chair next to their bed after a cuddle and, each night, move it 6 inches closer to the door, then outside their door, then down the hall.
After a few weeks they will sleep in their own bed without fuss.
Eating vegetables:
Make food with a sauce which is just hidden veg - blend it up and put on pasta / potatoes etc.
Day 1 blended smooth. Day 5 - getting chunkier. Day 10 - definitely more chunk than blended. Day 15 - not looking very blended, is it dad? Day 21 - vegetables.
Cup and bowl colours:
Do not stick with the same ones, have a colour chart in the kitchen:
Monday is red. Tuesday is blue. Wednesday is green.
After a few weeks they won't care what colour plate it is.
Getting dressed (yes, toddlers are capable with practice and assistance).
Start with helping them with everything.
Then have them put underwear on by themselves (socks and undies) and you do the rest.
Next week trousers (hey, it's like socks and underwear in one, right?).
Then t-shirts.
Then sweaters.
Throw pyjamas in the mix too.
Do it every day, adding more task loading of one item per week and in a month they are totally capable of getting dressed themselves after about 2-3 years old (if they don't 'get' it after the first 2 weeks, just let them help you until they want to take over for themselves, and they will).
Teeth brushing:
Start by doing it for them, do sections in a regular routine - top right / top left / bottom right / bottom left / fronts.
Do it two / three times a day for them (mandatory parenting, btw), and then let them have their own 'play' brush, so they can practice what you showed them.
By 4, most 'regular' kids can do a good job and brush their teeth in tandem with you, show them you doing it section by section and change section together, get them to do it with you and just give them a quick once over (a good scrub for 20-30 seconds) when they are done - don't frame it as 'you didn't do it properly' frame it as 'you did a good job, I need to practice brushing so I can be as good as you too!'.
Chores:
Get them involved. Kids want to help.
Toddlers: tidying their toys with you - get separate boxes for each kind (cars / dolls / puzzles / etc.) So organising them is easy, they know where everything goes. When we finish with one toy we put that away before getting the next one. Every night we do a 2 minute tidy to make sure the toys are in their right house for the night.
Age appropriate chores for toddlers:
Putting laundry in their basket & hanging laundry with you (on an airing rack).
Get them a small handheld vacuum (like one for a car) and when you drop something in the kitchen (accidentally on purpose) ask them to see how quick they can suck up the peas / flour / etc.
They can wipe the kitchen cupboard fronts with a small microfiber cloth and non-toxic spray.
Unloading small items from dishwasher and putting them in the correct place.
Gardening - kids love getting down in the flower beds doing some weeding and pest control with you.
That is some of the things that annoy parents the most. I am raising my 3 without any assistance what so ever, ex isn't interested, her family aren't interested, we live alone in the country she is from and can't leave for 10 years. Once the kids could do the above, life got a lot easier.
weatherwaxs_broom@reddit
Don't get stuck in the "omg we have to do something" every day. It gets extremely expensive very quickly. It's easy to fall into though because both you and the toddler can start feeling cooped up so you start naturally finding things to do, and I personally felt really pressured into doing things otherwise I was under stimulating my child.
Try to remember that everything is brand new to them so entertainment can be as simple as walking to the post box and back. I found playing the "find the colours" game really helpful on little walks around the block. Or singing nursery rhymes and changing the lyrics to make her laugh.
Jenpot@reddit
Raising kids isn't linear. Your kid might go through a phase where they sleep really well, but then a month later they're up every hour and that lasts for six weeks. You might find you've finally cracked the fussy eating but then your seven year old decides he only wants to eat pasta. That's ok, because crucially - nothing lasts forever. People always say to "enjoy this time" when they're little but I found that infuriating, when I was trying to just survive it. I now always say "nothing lasts forever, it'll pass" when I am chatting to someone who is struggling with small kids.
destria@reddit
You don't need millions of toys, and you especially don't want loads of things out all at the same time, all competing for their attention. Foster independent play with open ended toys, modelling how to play with things, and let them be creative and play how they want (not necessarily how it's "meant" to be played).
Available-Nose-5666@reddit
If you’re bringing up your children together with your partner/husband/wife etc you need to make sure you’re both on the same page.
For instance, I don’t agree with young children having iPads or being glued to screens. When my eldest turned one my partner bought him a tablet for his birthday. When he turned 3 my partner bought him an iPad. As others have said no iPads. Turns their brains to mush.
akwayah@reddit
You're going to have to get up from where you're sitting an ungodly amount of times.
Prestigious-Pear627@reddit
When they first pop out, they are used to a sensation of being held and hearing a heartbeat. This is not recommended medically, but if you are exhausted, and you lay in the middle of a bed with room for the baby to slide off either side, with no soft bedding, with baby on your chest, you might get that nap you so desperately need.
scottishsilversurfer@reddit
Teach them to cook. They'll love it, especially the messy bits. Mine loved to make biscuits/angel cakes/rock buns
theowleryonehundred@reddit
I do this but my poor kitchen becomes a bombsite 😂
Humble-Stay9771@reddit
If they get themselves worked up into a massive tantrum (during the terrible 2s) and beyond), kneel/squat down beside then and open your arms out to them. Invariably calmed down my very tantrum prone youngest. At that age they just sometimes don’t know how to cope with all the big feelings they are experiencing.
DeceptiveRelish06@reddit
If they won't do as asked, pretend you don't know how to do it. Toddlers will take any opportunity to tell you you're wrong and show you how to do it properly, and they'll likely find your "failed attempts" hilarious too. Obviously this only works for tasks they are capable of doing.
Lassmeetsbored@reddit
Pick your battles and limited choices in the control phase. ‘We’re going out - you can wear this T-shirt or this T-shirt.’ Gives them control without compromising on the thing you need them to do.
Extra-Sound-1714@reddit
Talk to them as babies a lot. Narrate what you are doing. For example, okay we are just going to wipe your mouth because it is covered in food....and babies understand what you are saying, or at least some of it, before they can talk themselves.
Sing to them. And tell nursery rhymes. Babies tend to love this and it helps them learn.
Use the sing song voice with babies that is natural for most adults to use. Research shows it is an international thing and helps babies learn to understand and speak.
If your baby is getting frustrated before they can speak and crying or tantruming teach them some basic baby signs. Being able to tell you what they want like biscuit, drink, go outside, helps them loads.
Try and get into a good night time routine for sleep. Insist they stay in bed, they can read, play quietly with a toy, but they must stay in bed. We have to be taught to sleep all night. Naturally we would have a few sleeps and naps during the days as adults. So help teach them to sleep.
Have fun, be silly. Kids love their parents being silly.
Own-Permission-8238@reddit
Always give them a choice - even if the outcome is the same. For my son for example, shall I give you a piggyback or shall we race to bed? The outcome is still going to bed but he gets some say in the matter. You will be surprised at how it changes things. Toddlers feel like they have power when you give them a choice 😂
Jamie2556@reddit
If one kid is crying, move everything to a different room. If both are crying, in the double buggy and off outside we go. Breaking cycles.
calmbefore_thestorm1@reddit
You don’t have to be doing a million groups and classes for your child to be entertained or to be socialising. Ive only been to one or two classes and my toddler isn’t in nursery yet he will speak and play with others with ease. We socialise by seeing friends and family (especially those with kids), visiting cafes and going for walks. His social skills are amazing as well as his manners/ sharing.
Ill-Door-8854@reddit
Read to them every night even if it's just a short story.
Worried_Suit4820@reddit
Sometimes you have to go at their pace, so it may take half an hour to do a 5 minute walk back from the Co-op but you have to remember it's all new to them so must be explored. Keep a bucket in the bathroom and a washable rug next to their bed...
RenderSlaver@reddit
Use a condom Adoption is an option
I am not a parent
CandidateIll9540@reddit
Sit them in front of you and talk them. They watch your mouth movements when learning to talk.
Extra-Sound-1714@reddit
Start potty training early. Start by just having a potty around that they sit on sometimes, so gets them used to it. They are physically ready as soon as nappies start being dry. Night dryness takes much longer than day dryness.
Inevitable_Fly1508@reddit
If they are taking a risk but are concentrating on the task at hand let them take the risk.
This can be super hard but they learn so much by crossing that net bridge in the park, or carrying a full cup.
princewinter@reddit
Whenever you're getting short on patience, remember that this is a tiny person who has only existed in the world for a super short amount of time. Everything is new, everything is instinctual, anything can be scary. They're not TRYING to piss you off or be difficult, they're just learning.
This is also true for pretty much the rest of your kids life. They're learning. They're their own person. They're not always going to be little clones of you or your partner and you're not always going to have the same opinions or views. You're raising a human being.
lovelight@reddit
Bad parents never worry they are bad parents. Good parents worry they are bad parents all the time.
Another_Random_Chap@reddit
Gin, for both you and the children.
Specific_Club_7640@reddit
I always get down to their eye level & try & reason with them. At toddler age, you'd be surprised how much they know already about how to act. Never use that patronising 'ickle baby wabby' type of voice. Just use a slightly softer normal adult tone of voice when trying to explain things.
Rubberfootman@reddit
Don’t do any of that “I will count you 10” nonsense when trying to stop them being naughty. Count down from 3 and be on your way to dealing with it by 2.
When explaining why their actions were naughty, keep it as brief as possible.
But also, enjoy them. You don’t get that phase for long. In a blink of an eye they be asking to “borrow” a tenner and stealing your booze.
JazzlikeMeaning1860@reddit
Trying to remember "they are not giving you a hard time, they are having a hard time" really helped me to empathise with mine when he was screaming over something ridiculous, which helped me keep my own temper. Also, pick your battles!
JustJavi@reddit
Pick your battles. And ignored unwarranted advice.
ZookeepergameBorn394@reddit
Nanny here. Talk to them, all the time, about everything. Repeat what they say and expand it into a sentence.. “up” into “pick me up please mummy”. Read books everyday. Being able to express themselves should alleviate some of the tantrums toddlers are rightly famous for.
Give them as much freedom to fail as possible. Frustrations and bruises build resilience, confidence, motor skills, emotional control. “it’s okay!” And generally cheering them on while resisting the urge to just take the puzzle piece and turn it the right way for them is important, for them.. and me!
Offer them all kinds of food, but if there’s ones they just don’t like that’s fine too. I hate raw tomatoes I’m not going to change my mind and I’d be annoyed if someone kept serving them. They’re tiny humans, they can have preferences and dislikes.
mikpgod@reddit
They're a lot more robust than you expect. Don't worry too much about bumps and scrapes. If they are doing something you don't want them to/ need to get something away from them, distracting or substitute something safer
Scottie99@reddit
Remember they are like a blank tape (old school) whatever you put in will stay with them for life.
teacup901@reddit
This is fab advice
Pure-Coconut628@reddit
1) pick your battles, as someone else said, if they want the blue plate let them have it, toddlers are getting a strong sense of self and so want to exert control over aspects of their life. When us adults feel out of control its really difficult and we seek ways to feel in control over aspects of our life, same way they do.
2) explain things to them. It takes a lot less time to take them to the dishwasher/sink and show them the plate is dirty than the meltdown after they can't get the plate. I'm also a big believer in not telling them white lies as part of that, for example , I never told children in my care or my children 'the park is closing' I would explain why we needed to leave the park and give them a 5 minute timer. Taking that extra time to explain and confirm understanding saves a load of time with meltdowns!
stepsmcgee@reddit
Let them fall (within reason obviously). Let them fail. Empathise with them when they do both and try to help them to then solve whatever they were trying to do.
Rasty_lv@reddit
First thing i always say to soon to be parents, do not buy many first baby clothes. Baby will grow in first few weeks massively. You wont be able to wear half of the clothes you bought before they will outgrow them. Seriously.
Next for older kids. If they fall, dont scream and run at them, like "omg, are you hurt? let me hug you, bla bla bla". Instead be calm, just simply ask, are you allright? most of the times kids play with emotions. see that you are panicking, they will use it. If you calmly react, 9/10 they will stand up and carry on what they were doing.
Another, for little bit older kids.. Start with lego duplos and board games. My son loves lego and we have massive board game collection and him being 10yo, is quite strong opponent against me and wife in some board games. invest in their hobbies.
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