I'm going to a wedding, what do I need to know?
Posted by Dry-Wall-1334@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 147 comments
hiya! so I'm going to a British wedding, and I'm an evening guest, what do I need? do I bring a gift? do I gift them money? where I'm from (Eastern Europe) we don't pay for anything at the wedding but we do tend to gift fairly large amounts of money . I know British weddings tend to have a bar where you pay for alcohol etc and I'm just an evening guest so I'm not sure what am I doing? please help š
AggravatingStruggle1@reddit
Learn the words to Mr Brightside
AirlineSevere7456@reddit
oh my god is this song overplayed
Dry-Wall-1334@reddit (OP)
I already know them!! Wooohooo
r_keel_esq@reddit
Where in Britain are you?
As many have said, a DJ is common, but in Scotland there's also a strong chance there'll be a Ceilidh Band too. If so, don't be put off that all the Scots know the dances - we learn them in school and the sound of an accordion inhaling activates our Dancing-Genes.Ā
AirlineSevere7456@reddit
Most weddings I've been to have a live band playing old songs.
Dry-Wall-1334@reddit (OP)
No, no, I'm down South š
Ok_Aioli3897@reddit
You need to know the dress code, don't wear white, if you are a woman try to find out what the bridesmaids are wearing so you don't match
Dry-Wall-1334@reddit (OP)
Theres no bridesmaids, main party is quite small as the bride doesn't really have many friends, I'm a work friend of the groom Same in my country, no wearing white as thats really frowned upon! Thank you š
Adventurous-Carpet88@reddit
Itās an evening do. Just wear a nice dress. It doesnāt have to be evening or over glam but donāt look like you are off to a night club. Something that covers your bits, wouldnāt offend your gran and makes you feel comfort for a dance. We donāt tend to do dress codes here, its naturally an unwritten rule, smart none offensive, and feels good
Ambitious-Elk-3350@reddit
What possible country do you think OP is from where they aim for skimpy club dresses at weddings?
AirlineSevere7456@reddit
Well in the UK quite common in my experience
SoylentDave@reddit
Essex
tmr89@reddit
OOP said theyāre from Eastern Europe, so maybe OP thinks Eastern European women wear skimpy club dresses at weddings
Adventurous-Carpet88@reddit
See above- nothing to do with that. More that Iāve been to weddings where people- British!! Have come in that stuff thatās why! Bit rude to assume I thought that actually.
Adventurous-Carpet88@reddit
Iāve been to plenty of Brit weddings were you can see peoples knickers. How offensive to suggest Iāve said that because of where the OP is from!!
Nice_Back_9977@reddit
To be fair, Iāve seen it in this country from younger guests
Pyjama365@reddit
I would add, don't wear white (as a dress-code black suits are fine), unless it's expected to be a rocker/alternative crowd.
It isn't necessarily known as much among younger people but traditionally black at a wedding implied disapproval or upset at the match, like it shows upset at a funeral.
Ok_Aioli3897@reddit
You definitely need to find out the dress code but it sounds like it might be cocktail.
Ohtherewearethen@reddit
Dress codes are more of an American thing. I've never received a dress code for any of the 30+ weddings I've been to.
Ok_Aioli3897@reddit
That's because it defaults to cocktail
Ohtherewearethen@reddit
No, it doesn't. People just wear something nice that they feel comfortable in. Dress codes aren't a thing in most UK weddings.
Ok_Aioli3897@reddit
Yes they are once you get to a certain level of people .
tmr89@reddit
Itās pretty universally known not to wear white at a wedding where the bride wears white
Ok_Aioli3897@reddit
Many cultures have different rules
tmr89@reddit
Which cultures permit wedding guests to wear white when the bride is wearing white? Without a stipulation from the bride that the general prohibition doesnāt apply?
Ok_Aioli3897@reddit
Other cultures have the bride not wearing white but I seriously wouldn't go around talking about how uneducated you are
tmr89@reddit
Yes, of course. That wasnāt the point, youāre deflecting. Weāre talking about cultures where the bride wears white
Ok_Aioli3897@reddit
I am not deflecting. People who come from other cultures don't always know the rules.
Why are you so against somebody giving knowledge that might help a person?
tmr89@reddit
They wanted help with the in-obvious specifics, not the obvious things. Not against helping them with genuinely helpful advice!
Scotchnittenpoopen@reddit
Dress smart, suit if youāre a man (although a suit jacket can be omitted) and a nice dress if youāre a lady.
Gift wise, either a voucher or cash in a card. Although cash is becoming more popular over vouchers.
Amount is up to you, depending on how much you can afford. I would say anything between Ā£20-100 is the norm, depending on how well you know the couple. Family (cousin etc) may get a little more say Ā£50, work colleagues Ā£20-30. Friends depends on how close you are, really good friends might get closer to Ā£100.
But honestly, there is no pressure to gift anything, just wishing the couple well and buying them a couple of drinks will do!
Close family (parents/ siblings) would get something a bit more personal.
westpalm3101@reddit
I donāt think Iāve ever been to a wedding where there was no food in the evening, but itās usually. A buffet or a pizza/sandwiches around 8:30pm!
CunningOctopus@reddit
I have, it was really annoying because we weren't warned and we had a child with us.
AirlineSevere7456@reddit
yeah i've left weddings early that had no food, went to a chippy nearby
rebelallianxe@reddit
I went to one where there was an evening hog roast laid on but it wasn't very generous and all the madly drunk day people ate it before the evening people got a look in. We were starving haha.
CunningOctopus@reddit
Yeah I wasn't expecting a meal, but I thought I'd get offered more than a fragment of wedding cake
Crash_Revenge@reddit
I know that every evening wedding Iāve been to has always had some sort of food, but I would never āexpectā it. Especially if there was children involved, poor planning in not eating before attending is on you. Defo still a bit of a poor show for them not having something too though.
IntentionTop2290@reddit
I went to one where they had a buffet that would barely feed 30 people and it was just meats and cheeses. They probably had 100 people at the evening do. I wish I had eaten first.
SlightlyAdventurous@reddit
Surely this isn't the norm. Dress-down rules would always dictate to lose the tie before the jacket, if you're going to dress down at all.
PitchOk1448@reddit
Suit without jacket is wild. It would be better to wear chinos and a blazer than half of a suit. That way you look like you've actually finished getting dressed.
anabsentfriend@reddit
No need to wear a dress if you're a woman. Just wear something nice that you feel comfortable in.
Scotchnittenpoopen@reddit
Yeah, I should have said smart. Good catch. Just no jeans in my opinion
EvilInCider@reddit
As an evening guest, itās perfectly acceptable to wear a shirt, jacket and āsmartā jeans and dress shoes.
Itās also perfectly acceptable and appropriate to just leave a card rather than money as an evening guest.
EldritchSanta@reddit
Good advice, if you are lucky there might be some snacks. I've been to a few weddings where there were evening snacks going around, but you can't count on it.
Guilty-Vermicelli320@reddit
They're only invited to the evening do so I don't think they are that close.
Scotchnittenpoopen@reddit
Fair point!!
Think I got carried awayā¦..
AirlineSevere7456@reddit
Evening dos are usually a buffet and drinks bought at the bar (sometimes a free bar), with band or DJ providing the music. I don't think you need to be as formal dress wise as with the ceremony and breakfast/lunch reception, but go smart anyway. Chat with the random strangers on your table. Gift is optional if just evening do in my experience.
EyeAware3519@reddit
Don't be tempted to get on the bag too early. Save it till after the meal at least.
Swimming_Possible_68@reddit
What does get on the bag mean?
squash-finder-london@reddit
I know it's only a joke but doesn't anyone else hate how normalised this is now?
OfficalSwanPrincess@reddit
Yeah but I've always been antidrug
when_music_hits@reddit
I didn't use to be, until I saw a guy I used to knck about with bite the kerb for Ā£150 coke...the sound was horrific.Ā
breaded_skateboard@reddit
Why didnt he just snort it?
when_music_hits@reddit
The kerb? I doubt his dealers would've seen the funny side
malin7@reddit
It's not normalised, reddit has a hard on for drugs
tommycahil1995@reddit
yeah it's really scummy. And it also always ends badly when too many are on it at a wedding or a party. I've never been an event where people are doing it that hasn't ended badly.
Last wedding I was at a distant friend of the groom pushed and then started squaring up to the bride's dad on the dance floor (didn't even know it was him) š¤¦š»āāļø he was actually going to hit him if people didn't jump in
sapphire-sky-dragon@reddit
There is no meal for evening guests, its a buffet.
Old_Quit_851@reddit
This is the most crass thing, why would anyone do drugs at a wedding? Itās just selfish and disrespectful
EyeAware3519@reddit
You sound a lot like my ex-wife
Old_Quit_851@reddit
Can see why she is now your ex-wife
when_music_hits@reddit
Jokes aside, I don't take drugs and I've seen so many go the wrong pathway that it helps reinforce to me that if they can go that way...I really shouldn't even dabble as I'll be worse. What a way to ruin what Should be a very special day
HirsuteHacker@reddit
They said they're an evening guest. They'll be getting there after the meal.
Brilliant_Bullfrog84@reddit
So true, the devil's sherbet is always better as a dessert
when_music_hits@reddit
Coming out the toilet looking like you're a bit titchy is always best left until everyone else is also charged up
Ill-Coast-8328@reddit
Bring your own patsy, unless it's in a pub - then you'll be able to score quite easily
DryJackfruit6610@reddit
A card with a bit of cash in wouldn't go amiss, usually at weddings people seem to ask for money towards their honeymoon now anyway
MIKBOO5@reddit
I often do it in the foreign currency of wherever they're going to on their honeymoon.
unknownuser492@reddit
This can be a great idea, but depends on the circumstances.
If they're going on honeymoon the next morning, I'd say no. Chances are they won't be looking at cards until they're home, at which point the foreign cash is useless to them.
If there's a bit of a gap between wedding and honeymoon, I'm more on board with this as it does feel a bit more deliberate/personal than Ā£.
DryJackfruit6610@reddit
Ooh nice touch, I'll do that next time!
MIKBOO5@reddit
Or maybe don't seeing as it got downvoted without comment š
Dramatic_Date9666@reddit
Nah, it is a nice touch... I would say though, most people have an account for using when they travel so they don't pay fees.
My other go to, is if they are a couple who enjoy a drink. Find out their favorite kind of tipple and buy a high-mid tier bottle of it.
feckarse-drinkgirls@reddit
Make them multimillionares and give them a load of vietnamese dong
eric-artman@reddit
Tou shoukd know a married couple it helps alot.
bishibashi@reddit
If you havenāt been sent a link to a gift list or any other suggestion you donāt explicitly need to give a gift. I always would though, a John Lewis voucher in a card is a good vanilla present. Personally my rule of thumb would be 50 for an evening invitation, 100 for full day, but it really does depend.
Dry-Wall-1334@reddit (OP)
No links or any mentions tbh! Ok I'll keep that in mind. Because of my background, Id feel really weird to go empty handed!! Would a bouquet of flowers on top of a gift card be an ok move?
Amonette2012@reddit
No, they'll have plenty of flowers and its a gift you have to take care of. They may be going away right after the wedding.
bishibashi@reddit
Iām sure it would be appreciated, but youāve got to think they might be ok for flowers on their wedding day, and they could easily end up being passed onto someone else. A boxed bottle of champagne for them to share when they feel like it at some point after the wedding might be a nice alternative, as it can easily be looked after by auntie Doris or whoever is responsible for gifts at the end of the evening!
Dry-Wall-1334@reddit (OP)
I didnt realise the amount of flowers that will probably be there already! I know she definitely is getting flowers and all sorts! I know they like wine, red wine mostly so probably a nice bottle of red?
Away-Ad4393@reddit
Red wine or if you can afford it champagne. Wear a dress if you are a woman or suit if a man. A nice card with some money in it for gift.
Serious_Escape_5438@reddit
Yes, a bottle of wine is perfect, they can keep it until they can drink it. It's also ok to ask about gifts, I didn't know this when I went to my first wedding in my early 20s but it turned out they had a gift list they gave out only if asked, as it looked rude to send it automatically.Ā
HirsuteHacker@reddit
Bouquet of flowers would be a bit annoying as a gift tbh, it's a nice thought but the couple will have to lug a bunch of shit away the next day after all the decorations are taken down etc, just a card/gift card would be best
172116@reddit
While it is becoming more common to take cards / cash gifts to a British wedding, anything larger is still almost unheard of, and until relatively recently, it was considered extremely poor manners to give anything at the wedding - historically gifts were sent to the bride's parents house ahead of the wedding.Ā I spent my sister's whole wedding running around collecting cards because my sister hadn't thought about it, and my mum was still running on "no one brings stuff to the wedding", so there was nowhere to put them!
Absolutely do not take flowers. There will be nowhere for them to go, and you'll just be giving the newly weds an unneeded job to do.Ā
WillowCreekWanderer@reddit
The last couple of weddings I've been to, they've had a postbox-style box for cards on the table next to the guest book, which seems like a good way of handling that
172116@reddit
Yeah, I've seen the same - varying from lovely to deeply tacky. It's definitely becoming the norm, but we ended up with people piling cards on a table, and me stuffing them in my bag so they didn't get lost!Ā
eekamouse4@reddit
I wouldnāt bother with gifting flowers theyāll have plenty from the bridal partyās bouquets & table dressings. They might be going straight to a honeymoon & wonāt want to take them with them. If you really want to give them flowers send them to their home/workplace when they get back with a āthank you for inviting us, we had a lovely time celebrating with you bothā card.
Agnesperdita@reddit
Depends. If they are going on honeymoon after the wedding, flowers might be a nuisance rather than a pleasure. A nice bottle of wine or fizz in a pretty gift bag along with the gift card is always acceptable, unless the couple donāt drink.
Dry-Wall-1334@reddit (OP)
Thats a fair shout! As far as I'm aware there are no plans for honeymoon straight after! And tbh wine would probably suit them better!thank you!
yepyep5678@reddit
The brits dress up, so expect to wear a tie (obviously that depends on the couple getting married) The bar is usually buy your own drinks. Yes bring a gift, money is acceptable. There's usually an evening meal (small something like pizza or hog roast)
The invite should tell you the details
Ambitious-Elk-3350@reddit
You need to ask about the bar. Some British weddings will have an open bar, some will do drinks coupons and some will make you pay for every drink (but this is still considered a bit mean and stingy.)
Gifting money is preferred - unless they have a wedding list of items.Ā
It's not too much money. Don't gift anything 'fairly large'.
Nice_Back_9977@reddit
Itās perfectly normal for guests to buy their own drinks at the evening reception, not stingy
Ambitious-Elk-3350@reddit
It's stingy af, if you can't afford a wedding, don't have one.
Nice_Back_9977@reddit
Where are you from? Because you don't seem to understand how UK weddings typically work.
Ambitious-Elk-3350@reddit
The UK. England.Ā
Why? I dislike the rise of povvo weddings, where they can't afford drinks and food, I don't think this is a weird opinion.
Nice_Back_9977@reddit
The rise? Paying for your own drinks at weddings has been the way its done here forever. You get a bucks fizz on arrival, a glass of bubbly for the toasts and maybe some table wine if you are a full day guest but apart from that its always been a pay for your own situation.
How old are you?
Ambitious-Elk-3350@reddit
35.
Maybe this is regional? Up north you feed and water your guests or people judge you. Call you common. Maybe in richer areas... you don't have the same risk.
Nice_Back_9977@reddit
Lol, no. I'm Northern and what I described is absolutely normal here and has been for at least the 30+ years I've been going to weddings.
HirsuteHacker@reddit
I live up North, absolutely you feed your guests and it's expected to give a couple of drinks in the form of welcome drinks, table wine and fizz for speeches, but beyond that it is not and never has been common to have an open bar. I don't know anyone who would go to a wedding expecting an open bar.
HirsuteHacker@reddit
I'm fairly sure that guys only been to his 2 instagram-obsessed sisters' weddings and now 5hinks that's what all British weddings are
Dry-Wall-1334@reddit (OP)
As far as I'm aware they are having a food van with BBQ stuff which I think everyone will have to pay? I could be wrong but I don't think the married couple is covering the whole cost. I could be wrong tho!
No wedding list so far, wedding is in July, so would that be something thatd be sent out by now? I'm absolutely shocked at the little amount of food at a British wedding. Where I'm from, food is a main focus !!š¤£
Ambitious-Elk-3350@reddit
I yearn to attend a wedding from a proper culture. I want to eat and drink and dance and laugh. Instead, I'm British, I will starve and have to eat the lemons in my drinks, people are too shy to dance, and we all get manoeuvred around for wedding photo shots until we're booted out at 9pm.
The last two I attended were those proper big fancy ones you see in people's instagram photos - because that's what they are. Instagram photo shoots. It was genuinely quite weird.
HirsuteHacker@reddit
You've only been to 2 weddings, haven't you? I really don't think you know what a typical British wedding looks like. They're normally very boisterous affairs, lots of food, lots of drink, photos only last like half an hour max for guests, and they normally go on until 1-2am.
Ambitious-Elk-3350@reddit
5.
All after 2015 though, so probably they were a lot more fun before people got too poor and photo-obsessed.
Pretty sure once it would have been the height of rudeness not to feed guests properly.
HirsuteHacker@reddit
Most of the ones I've been to were also after 2015, still nothing like your experience.
Dry-Wall-1334@reddit (OP)
My dream is to have a wedding like my parents did, women from the village helping out with cooking, all homemade, all fresh, no fancy stuff, just a village hall, drinks, no pressure to look certain way, just have fun! If I ever get married - youre invited š¤£
Fun-Brush5136@reddit
Quite unusual to have to pay for food in my experience, but then I'm old and my friends are more likely to be getting divorced than married these days :(
but if they are on a very limited budget then they probably have no choice.Ā
UK wedding meals traditionally would be a big multi course sit down dinner. And then maybe bar snack food later on. The food van trend is a more recent idea, it's more informal which some people like. and does keep the costs down, because weddings are getting insanely expensive these days.Ā
Positive_Presence561@reddit
If you're an evening guest they will likely have a sit down meal before you arrive and the bbq will be like later on as snack food - I highly doubt you'd have to pay for any food that would be really weird
Don't ask if it's a free bar just arrive with the expectation to maybe having to buy some drinks . If it's a free bar then that's great .
I'd take a card and put some money in it and enjoy the evening!
Mundo7@reddit
mean and stingy ššš
sneaking out to McDonaldā¦..what kind of shit ass weddings have you been to
HirsuteHacker@reddit
Not at all, every wedding I have ever been to has given dya guests a few free drinks (welcome drink, table wine, fizz for speeches), but everything else is paid. Evening guests pay for all their drinks. This is completely normal and expected.
Fun-Brush5136@reddit
I've usually been well fed at weddings and never felt the need to go and buy McDonald's š¤® but they are all different in terms of budgets.Ā
Ambitious-Elk-3350@reddit
My sisters had expensive, posh, fancy weddings with every bit of tat from photo booths to pick n mix, but were rubbish at feeding people normal food until everyone eventually got tired and went off to get takeout, pizza etc.
They wanted to spend on things that looked good in photos, but guests had to buy all their drinks and were barely fed. Lots of whispered grumbling.
Fun-Brush5136@reddit
Ha, you'd think the second one would have learnt from the first!Ā
Ambitious-Elk-3350@reddit
She chose the sit down meal option precisely because she was still grumbling about her older sister's failed buffet - unfortunately it was tiny food with a little parsley leaf balanced on it.
I did a registry office and a real restaurant, no one left mine hungry!
bishibashi@reddit
I agree with this except for asking. Donāt ask. Just turn up ready to deal with any of the options.
tommycahil1995@reddit
If you're an evening guest and aren't getting free booze or food I wouldn't sweat brining a huge gift. Maybe a card with a Ā£20 in it. I've also given nothing to people who have invited me for the after party thing and I had to drive hours to get there
Sea-Climate6841@reddit
Itās dependant, but if I were part of the bridal couple Iād prefer money, over gift cards - I received a Ā£50 John Lewis voucher my first time round and it nearly pushed us to buy something that we didnāt need, or that we would need to spend much more on just to use the voucher.
At least with money they can spend it how they want.
Prob best to avoid flowers or houseplants, as it could be a chore to move them from the venue if they have a loaded up car already!
Sweet-Balance3039@reddit
Mostly depends on what you're comfortable to gift, how close you are to the bride and groom (presumably not super close if it's just the evening), if you're bringing a plus one, and the venue.
Unless you're super rich I wouldn't gift the 'fairly large' amounts that you mentioned is more normal in Europe.
My usual go to for an evening wedding reception as a guest is Ā£20-30 with a 'congrats' card.
Pyjama365@reddit
Just adding to the bit about a +1. Several have said Ā£20-30 in a card - I would say Ā£40-50 if you're attending as a couple.
DeadYen@reddit
Donāt get drunk and make a fool of yourself
HirsuteHacker@reddit
Nah its fine. Just don't get too much drunker than other people are and you'll be grand.
Brilliant_Bullfrog84@reddit
Just watch everyone else do that instead
Bernardozila@reddit
The main thing to do will be to ensure that you dress up nice, socialise and have a nice time, basically. Evening guest just means youāre not attending the ceremony. The wedding invitation should clarify what the bride & groom expect as far as gifts (registry, honeymoon fund etc) but money is fairly common and accepted - Ā£50-100 per guest. There will almost always be a bar but it may be open or paid.
kifflington@reddit
Anyone expecting Ā£100 from an evening guest is being ridiculous.
HirsuteHacker@reddit
Yeah we were happy with the Ā£20 we got off some of our evening guests, gift pressure is a lot lower of you're only coming for the evening
LadybirdMum100@reddit
Evening guest - bring maybe Ā£30 as a gift or a present around this value. youll need cash for the bar. Wear a floaty type dress - nothing too revealing and not white.
HirsuteHacker@reddit
Depends on the venue, ours was card only. In fact most of the venues we visited before we picked ours were card only
lazy__goth@reddit
My Mum is Polish and Iām British. Wedding expectations are very similar: smart clothes, donāt wear white, gift something reasonably priced. Sometimes thereās a registry which helps but if not money is š. They should let you know if thereās an open bar, there often is and itās normal to provide at least some free drinks. Food is a point of difference, they donāt have multiple courses throughout the event but thereās usually a meal. Attitude is pretty much exactly the same. Donāt stress!
HirsuteHacker@reddit
Most weddings don't have an open bar, and the free drinks are typically only for the day guests (welcome drinks, table wine, fizz for speeches). There is usually a sit-down meal but not for evening guests, in the evening it's normally just a casual thing like a buffet or food van around 9pm
dinkidoo7693@reddit
Dress nice. Be prepared to dance. Find out if the venue is card only.
Whenever Iāve been an evening guest its just been buffet food, a bar and a dance-floor with a DJ playing mainly cheesy music, they couple will have a first dance then the rest is a free for all.
I donāt gift more than Ā£20 at evening only invites.
WillowCreekWanderer@reddit
That's a good point - tbh I'd go with the assumption that the bar will be card-only, or at least card-heavily-preferred, especially if it's a temporary bar in a venue that wouldn't usually have one
WillowCreekWanderer@reddit
Anecdotally, I've noticed that it's becoming more common for people to prioritise wearing comfortable shoes over fancier ones, especially for women. Since you're an evening guest, it's pretty likely that any women who were wearing heels earlier in the day will have changed into flats or even trainers by the time you get there
Dry-Wall-1334@reddit (OP)
Thanks everyone!! I think I have a pretty good idea now! I think I will go with a voucher for the couple (for something I know they will both enjoy) NO FLOWERS Probably a nice bottle of red as I know they both like it. Any recommendations appreciated! Take money with me if I want a drink! I have an idea what to wear and how long it may last. Thanks everyone for the help! Much appreciated!
Bksudbjdua@reddit
You don't need to dress as formal. Flat shoes/smart trainers seem to be becoming more normalised at the evening part. Personally I would still wear heels and bring flats to change in to. I personally avoid black, but many people will wear black.
For gift, i would maybe put Ā£20-40 depending how well you know them. If I was going to the full day, it would be clost to Ā£60-100.
You might get the odd free drink, and there may be a buffet half way through. Just depends
ActivistSubset7@reddit
Did the bride or groom ask for anything? If not, some cash in a ācongratulationsā card would suffice.
Youāll be able to use the bar like any other guest, most weddings Iāve been to, you pay for your own drinks.
There may also be evening food, this is likely for everyone and not just the day guests.
Dry-Wall-1334@reddit (OP)
They didnt ask for anything!
Prepared to pay for drinks!
There's supposed to be a bbq food van as far as I'm aware!
Nice_Back_9977@reddit
Nice card with Ā£20-30 quid in cash or voucher is fine for a work friend going as an evening guest, there will probably be a little box for you to put it in. Donāt take flowers thatās not a thing thatās done. Just wear what youād wear to any evening event, nice dress, smart trousers and top etc.
Kerry22022@reddit
I hadn't been to a wedding in 10 years, but went to a work colleagues evening do recently. They already lived together so didn't need gifts for the house, don't drink much so that was a celebratory bottle of champagne out of the window...I went with a wedding card with Ā£30 or Ā£40 in it (I can't remember exactly coz I kept changing my mind).
If it was a close friend I'd have given more or asked if they needed anything for the house.
This was an event where there was a pizza oven, wedding cake, sweets, a few games & a DJ laid on. You were paying for your own drinks at the bar.
allthingskerri@reddit
Do you know the dress code? That could be the first thing to find out. Bit of money in a card is usually appreciated (there's usually some kind of table set up for gifts and cards we had a locked box as we knew most gifts would be cash) but depending on the venue you may be paying for your own drinks for the night. You may be a welcome drink but it's not always the case. Food will probably be provided of some sorts (we did pizza buffet and dessert bar) essentially you are coming for the party to celebrate (the best part if you ask me) you will probably witness the first dance.
You may not see much of the bride and groom but try and grab them for a group dance if you can
kifflington@reddit
I'd probably do a small gift as a token of appreciation for including me in their celebration; maybe a card with Ā£20 in it to put towards something they want.
Be prepared to pay for your own drinks, although sometimes there are some free drinks, and there's usually only some snacks served later in the evening so eat before you come to the party.
spynie55@reddit
Not all British weddings are the same - it would be totally fine to ask in advance whether there is food, cash bar etc. Yes a present is normal - but no need to go overboard with it. In particular if there is no food and a cash bar then expectations for a present should be pretty low. If you're older and wealthier then give a big present - it's nice to help a young couple starting out, but otherwise the real present is your presence!
Upstairs-Quail5709@reddit
Take something that looks big, but don't add a card with your name. It's less formal in the evening.
No-Jump-9601@reddit
If you havenāt been sent the gift list or a link to it, go for a monetary gift. Some people will ask for a donation to their favourite charities in their name.
Scottish_Rocket77@reddit
Check if the bar will be cash or card.
A gift voucher for the likes of John Lewis, Next Home or a bottle of champagne (if they drink alcohol) will suffice as a gift.
Don't over think it!
MaximumRequirement60@reddit
Ā£50 in a card should do it, but equally you are under no obligation to gift anything at all if that's your choice.
johnnyjonnyjonjon@reddit
Pretty much every wedding I've been to has an indication of gift expectations on the invite, and usually these days it's along the lines of 'being there is enough, but if you want to give us some money then go for it".
Then you can just decide what you what to give depending on how well you know them. I'd usually start at Ā£50 as a baseline gift and go up as you see fit/can afford. I genuinely don't think there's any pressure to give anything these days though.
And yes, you will usually have to pay for drinks. It's not uncommon for there to be some money put behind the bar at the start of the evening, which will mean it's free until it runs out... Sometimes you get an entirely free bar, but that depends on the host.
EyeAware3519@reddit
Don't be tempted to get on the bag too early. Treat a wedding like an endurance event.
BaBaFiCo@reddit
Evenings are usually less formal than the ceremony but still expect to dress for the occasion. Hopefully the invitation outlines the time to arrive and what to wear!
A gift or cash is appreciated but not required. There'll probably be a table to place this on when you arrive. Cash bar is also typical, but there may be some/all drinks paid for.
The evening itself expect there to be a DJ and a dancefloor. It's gonna be 4-5 hours of dancing with the couple's first dance and cake cutting woven in. There'll also be a good option, something less formal like a buffet or a food van.
Last wedding we attended we were evening guests. We arrived and received a welcome drink and mingled with other guests. We all greeted the arrival of the couple. Then we were seated at tables that had some drinks on them and invited to get food from the buffet. Then it was dancing and a cash bar. They had their first dance and cut the cake. Ultimately went home about 1am.
cheandbis@reddit
"You may now kiss the bride" is an instruction to the groom only.
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