ULPT What do you say to avoid getting in trouble after fucking up?
Posted by Glum-Pack-3441@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 89 comments
For example after being caught by your boss arriving late, or knowingly breaking a company policy, what would you say to keep your job?
uneducatedexpert@reddit
I’m sorry goes a long way. What did you do?
Glum-Pack-3441@reddit (OP)
Well being late like a lot for one
Puceeffoc@reddit
Do you show up late while holding a starbucks coffee in your hand?
I always hated watching a coworker arrive late while holding a bag of McDonald's breakfast. The night shift correctional officer would like to go home and sleep, meanwhile they're relief is showing up 10 minutes late with fast food.
feryoooday@reddit
I mean, I finally found out via diagnosis that I’m ADHD and my chronically-4-minutes-late ass has very severe time blindness
OtherwiseAlbatross14@reddit
It's still not an excuse though. Start arriving half an hour early if necessary rather than trying to time it to be there perfectly on time
sowinglavender@reddit
this is such a great example of how normies will just casually tell nd people to go to absolutely ridiculous lengths to avoid a behaviour that's at worst a minor inconvenience to others. unironically suggesting somebody squander 3.5 hours every week of their lives for no actual practical gain is so unbelievably entitled but ableists will make these demands with the ease of breathing and then project on us that we're the ones with the problem.
if anybody starts up telling me 4 minutes per day is material, i'll be asking if they shit at work, take lunch breaks at work, fill their water bottles at work, socialize with their colleagues, etc. etc. etc. just don't do it, it will be absolutely humiliating for you to demonstrate so clearly that you're excited to punish disabled people to the point of losing all reason in a mad scramble to frame every reason for anything as an 'excuse'.
jnunchucks96@reddit
You dont care how your tardiness affects people. We all have issues that can make us late to work. If im late, I dont say "my depression made me stay in bed extra long" While that may be true, that shouldn't be an exceptable excuse. Because EVERYONE has something their dealing with. Your problems aren't worse or more important than others and you shouldn't assume so. Btw I don't shit at work or take smoke breaks.
sowinglavender@reddit
throwing around accusations based on conjecture just makes you look silly. i've also already made a counterpoint to each of the points you brought up here, except the points that are meaningless because they're based on something i didn't actually say.
also, your inability to conceive of a world where everyone receives reasonable accommodations as opposed to a world where we're all oppressed equally reveals so much more about you than me.
feryoooday@reddit
Dude thinks no one should shit at work for the grindset, I’m not sure there’s a point in discourse once someone admits they’re in that deep. Other than for others reading that are despairing at that person’s narrow and crude comments.
Hopefully others follow along enough to realize an accepting and reasonable worldview is what we all deserve regardless of struggles, both physical and mental.
France, for example. 30 days paid vacation per year minimum, not including holidays and sick days. Sick days apply to mental health as well as physical. Because healthy and happy employees are actually more productive. I know I am and will continue to be more productive if I’m 4 minutes late, as opposed to feeling forced to be 30 minutes early, and then stuck in my own mind frantic and panicked and upset dreading the entire time.
feryoooday@reddit
Right, and your anecdotal story about your perfection (lmao what) is how everyone is, and thus no one else shits at work or takes smoke breaks either lmao.
That includes those with disabilities, too then, right? The guy with IBS? The gal with a nicotine addiction? Someone in a wheelchair that takes longer to use the bathroom even if they somehow aren’t shitting like you?
Wait a minute… a world with reasonable accommodations can and should exist! If you need an extra few minutes in bed, fuck, take a wholeass sick day. It’s what the civilized world does. It’s insane how deep the unfettered capitalist hellscape ‘grind’ mindset has rotted peoples’ brains to deny empathy and reasonability and rationality to others.
I’m truly glad that you are capable of making yourself get out of bed on bad days. Everyone does have problems, that’s true. The people who can’t ‘get out of bed’ so to speak, have seen doctors for these issues and can still be great employees. It seems your issue isn’t severe enough to affect your quality of life, and that is lovely for you. But do you realize it’s not the same for everyone? Of course you don’t because the world is apparently all about you and working so hard you don’t even shit lmao.
Degrading the actual diagnosed medical disorders of others because you think they should be able to cope is unacceptable. Grow the fuck up and learn that there’s literally billions of other people, each one with different experiences than you. It shouldn’t be that hard to make an accepting world. Again, if you’re even capable of reading bigger words, there’s a scientific, published, peer-reviewed article higher up in the comment chain.
OtherwiseAlbatross14@reddit
I gave severe ADHD. I'm not a fucking "normie". I just know that my ADHD is my responsibility.
sowinglavender@reddit
from below:
funny how offended people get being called 'normies' when they're happy to display normie-identical behaviour.
nobody said anything about not being responsible, and everybody can just see that by looking. you're just trying to twist some of the things that were said into a ridiculous version of themselves to argue with because you find it much harder to address the actual things i'm saying.
Extreme-Edge6040@reddit
"absolutely ridiculous" is saying try for 30 min early, so you're on time? Seems very reasonable.
Good lort - grow up. Adults have responsibilities, and being on time is like the LEAST you can do.
So 1st world problems...
sowinglavender@reddit
you saying 'it's reasonable' just tells me you're either willing to lie for the sake of rhetoric or your judgement is so poor it undermines your credibility.
ableism is a wordwide problem. you are correct to acknowledge that the ability to advocate is a privilege.
it makes you look really bad when the only thing you can say in response is 'you're overreacting/it's not a big deal', btw. all that shows anyone is that you don't have the experience to know better.
jnunchucks96@reddit
As someone with mental issues, i don't use them for an excuse for everything. If that were the case we can make "ableism" a mental health disorder and claim we're doing nothing wrong. If that were the case I wouldn't go to work at all because I'm diagnosed very sad and anxious. Also alcoholic. Do I just give in to my problems and say "that's just who I am?" i can't make it to work because I'm an addict and want to kms." No. I make adjustments, whether fair or not, to perform in a way that is expected of me. Sure I may have it harder than some others, but I know others who have it harder than me and still make it to work on time. Quit using mental health as an excuse to be an asshole.
sowinglavender@reddit
i don't know why you told me all this because it has nothing to do with the topic at hand. we're talking about something very specific and you're making up exaggerated hypotheticals to no apparent end. of course we shouldn't always take everything to the most extreme version of itself. it's just not a valuable point to make in a serious discussion.
my mental health has absolutely nothing to do with my being an asshole. i built my assholery painstakingly brick by brick with my own bare hands and i'll be damned if i let somebody on the internet imply my craziness helped me in any way.
moreover, i don't need a fucking 'excuse' for anything. i have the right to use any tone i please. sorry it makes you incredibly upset that pointing out i'm being rude can't actually make me wrong.
jnunchucks96@reddit
Why am I wasting my time? Your genius has rewarded you the appropriate amount of upvotes
feryoooday@reddit
Downvotes from people who can’t grant understanding to someone for being four minutes late (my original point btw, that’s me! hi!) don’t matter to compassionate, empathetic, intelligent people. Especially when the person arguing doesn’t understand the differences between excuses and reasons, between people who can “just make it work” and those who can’t, and who, despite supposedly suffering from multiple mental health diagnoses, insist on insisting that others and themselves (sadly) should conform to neurotypical standards that are utterly irrelevant just because iTs WoRk (look, I can do the sarcastic capitalization, too. so cute) and thus you have to.
No, you don’t. I’ve never been fired for being late. I gave an example of how, while being late by the clock (which is something I can’t control but am working on from several angles, thank you), I show up better prepared than anyone else and work more diligently, precisely, and quickly than anyone else, and am happy to stay an extra four minutes to accomplish or make it fair if that’s what people insist on.
Dream bigger, for a world where people understand and accept that maybe someone can’t quite hear that level of audio from your microphone, someone can’t quite see that projector from so far back, the addict needs to have a few smoke breaks to be able to focus and stay sane (weird, doesn’t that take more than 4 minutes and is widely acceptable…?), OR someone who can’t quite perceive time and is off by a few minutes when it doesn’t matter, are all accepted as reasonable accommodation. Two of those are mental and are still very real :) You can scroll up a few comments to read a published, peer-reviewed article on time blindness. Bet you won’t though.
Your dedication to perpetuating mental health stigmas while claiming to have mental health conditions yourself is baffling and truly disappointing. I am sad for you. I hope you can open your worldview. Best wishes.
sowinglavender@reddit
internet points don't mean anything, bro. if you base your opinions on what's upvoted you're gonna be wrong a lot because whether a comment is upvoted or downvoted depends mainly on the sub culture and how the first people who saw the comment voted. i could find you just as many people who agree with me as i have downvotes itt and they wouldn't be anonymous redditors with no credibility, either.
what i'm saying being downvoted just shows that the people seeing it are the ones who really need to see it.
feryoooday@reddit
I'd like you to know that the quote "ableism is a worldwide problem. you are correct to acknowledge that the ability to advocate is a privilege" goes hard af
Sad that they go on to reinforce mental health stigmas and somehow say that the people with mental health disorders are the entitled ones while spouting this from their privilege, when all we said is that 4 minutes late isn't that big of a deal lol. We can make an exception for Greg's nicotine addiction and let him take several 5-minute smoke breaks, but we can't be reasonable about feryoooday's time blindness? Because that's not real and everyone has ADHD, right...
sowinglavender@reddit
honestly people like the person i replied to there often don't realize they've exposed their ignorance themselves, which allows me to disarm their 'argument' just by reframing it. like, yeah, no shit the 'first world' (a term which itself is a flag somebody doesn't know what they're talking about sociologically) is where we have the most time and energy to devote to problems that aren't immediately life-threatening. what a brilliant observation.
that person who started this comment thread and then revealed themselves to be nd after i called them a normie should feel extremely silly to find themself in the same ideological boat as "fibromyalgia is a myth" guy over here. like, actual anti-science shit in this thread and ableists are happy to co-sign because it lets them soothe themselves by taking their resentment at the current system out on us. capitalists need them to hate us to divert and distract from the fact that these people are being robbed in broad daylight and they're just falling for it because it's easy.
uneducatedexpert@reddit
Hi 👋
Op here.
ADHD, autistic. Twice TBI with ptsd and amnesia.
I’m an award winning artist. 9 digit business selling co-founder / entrepreneur and currently a VP at a $300mm fintech with 20+ years of industry experience.
Call me a normie again.
feryoooday@reddit
But do you have time blindness?
sowinglavender@reddit
it's oc if it's a comment and not a post btw.
if you're telling the truth about your accomplishments, they're very cool. i validate you that your accomplishments are very cool. you have very cool accomplishments and they are valid. (we both have cool accomplishments, in fact, but i won't state them here because they're irrelevant to the discussion and also i don't feel the need to impress you.)
it's still embarrassing for you to be out here speaking and acting like a normie.
knowing your ableism is internalized as well as externalized actually makes it worse tbh.
Extreme-Edge6040@reddit
Using "ableism" as an argument is so 1st world. If you aren't missing a leg, STFU.
bUt mY fIbRoMyAlgIa! aNd oBeSiTy!
Check yo priv'lge, mate
sowinglavender@reddit
i owe you my thanks for demonstrating my point so thoroughly and so funnily. you make a terrific clown.
feryoooday@reddit
Their comment reads “just start being happy” to someone with depression, or “just try harder to walk” to someone in a wheelchair. Thanks, never thought of that, wow I’m cured lol.
If I were to be 30 minutes early to all of the things I wanted to do at specified times yesterday, I would have spent two hours in one day sitting around outside of places (which is horribly stressful), since I had 4 obligations. As it were, the most important time constraint I was 3 minutes early to, and am very pleased with myself.
Like you said, I’m not making excuses, I’m pleased to finally have a reason. Clearly ‘just be early’ hasn’t worked my whole damn life, but I found a method through an ADHD youtube channel once I started exploring that helps me (explained in another comment), if I can remember it, that has started helping.
feryoooday@reddit
Your comment kinda reads like “just be happy” to a depressed person. Thanks, I never thought of that, all better now!
I’m pretty sure I travel through time vortexes whenever I try to go anywhere. If I try to be 30 minutes early, I’ll still be 4 minutes late. If I try to be an hour early, 4 minutes late somehow. I’m not making excuses, but it’s nice to finally have a reason for my frustration. OP posted on unethical tips, no?
You know what has actually helped is trying to think of ‘non-zero time activities’ as each taking one minute, since to me they don’t take time (again, time blindness). Walking to my car is a non-zero time activity, +1 minute. Putting on shoes, finding my keys, scraping my car, +1, +1, +1. Because to me, these activities genuinely don’t feel like they take any time.
Hope that helps others more than “just be 30 minutes early.”
OtherwiseAlbatross14@reddit
No. I have severe ADHD. The fact of the matter is being able to arrive at work on time is a requirement to maintain a job. ADHD isn't your fault but it is their responsibility.
Anxious_Avocado_@reddit
Society is built by average people for average people. The moment you don't conform you are the problem. Arriving half an hour earlier is like putting a bandaid on a bullet wound: doesn't fix anything, just make things looks ok
gellis12@reddit
If the problem is that you're showing up late, then arriving early does fix the problem.
feryoooday@reddit
The problem isn’t the arriving late part. The problem is a neurological issue with the prefrontal cortex causing differences in time perception, that’s what we’re saying, which can’t be magically fixed by ‘just arrive early’. Which, again, you’d know if you read the article I linked...
But why would you when it’s easier to agree with the dude who says “people with mental disorders should just try harder”. Would you tell someone with a physically represented neurological issue, like MS or ALS to “try harder” to move? I am not comparing ADHD to those in any way other than to point out that I linked a study showing evidence that there’s issues with the prefrontal cortex reflecting time perception in people with ADHD, but people accept the visible neurological issues and disregard the invisible ones.
I’m going to heavily exaggerate this to make the point— should people with traumatic brain injuries be held to the same exact standards, or be granted reasonable accommodations? (Note, I am not saying people with ADHD have brain injuries, I’m making a point because people refuse to admit that psychiatric disorders are physical disorders as well [because they won’t read the fucking papers I link ffs] but I digress)
Especially if said reasonable accommodations are that it’s okay to be ~4 minutes late so long as they work as hard as everyone else, accomplish their workload, and stay 4 minutes longer if needed for the sake of fairness to those who don’t have a brain injury?
Like cmon dude. Widen your perspective. You can do it.
Workman44@reddit
No shit society is built for the majority, ie the average? I swear personal responsibility is just fucking gone
writinglegit2@reddit
"It just puts a band aid on things!"
What in the actual fuck are these people talking about? You need a job. Job gets you money. You need to get to job.
How is being on time to work "not solving the problem?" No one gives a fuck if youre late to your goddamn yoga class. Missing work gets you fired.
This shit is so annoying. "but MaH time blindnesss!!!!" As if you don't have an unlimited alarm clock in your fucking pocket.
Everyone has adhd. Weird how the bulk of the population handles it while the rest whine about "how the world isn't built for them". The fucking gall and entitlement is nuts
feryoooday@reddit
Okay boomer, calm down. Not everyone has ADHD. End mental health stigma, please. Here’s a published and peer reviewed source for you to read (you won’t of course) if you’d like to educate yourself on what others might be experiencing that’s different than your narrow worldview (you don’t, I’m guessing).
“Job” has gotten me “money” my whole life. Being a few minutes late to work has never gotten me fired because I’m a model employee otherwise.
It’s funny, when you don’t perceive time consistently, it’s hard to estimate 6 seconds to check my phone clock every 6 seconds like you recommend. Wonder what we could call this phenomena…
You spouting all this off and talking about others’ supposed entitlement is the funniest shit I’ve ever read though lol, so thanks for the laugh.
sowinglavender@reddit
we bring data and good sense and all they have is overstatement, wild exaggeration, and complaining, complaining, complaining. and the ability to hide behind public ignorance and animosity towards disabled people. but if you actually read this thread with your human eyes, you see very clearly that their rhetoric is despicable and agreeing with/aligning with them is a major disservice to yourself.
jaxxon@reddit
Actually, yoga instructors HATE it when you're late to their class.
magnetncone@reddit
Shut the fuck up.
flamingspew@reddit
IBS
PARANOIAH@reddit
I am chronically late but I soften the issue by making sure my work output is ahead of schedule ("you need this end of the week? i'll have it done tomorrow afternoon with extra enhancements.") and still of good quality and somehow I've managed to get away with it largely. YMMV though.
feryoooday@reddit
I do this too. For example I had a competition in a game I play a few weeks ago that if you’re more than 4 minutes late you forfeit your first game. I was ~4 minutes late, but since I had uploaded my card deck online, had a pen and notepad ready, and everything neatly organized, I sat down and was immediately ready to play, while everyone else was scrambling to figure out how to upload their decks and borrowing pens and notepads. I had spent hours meticulously checking competition rules to make sure I was fully prepared.
Now, was I on time? Not technically. Was I the first person ready to play and the organizer was particularly pleased with me? Yes!
Also once I was diagnosed I started casually listening to/watching some ADHD podcasts/youtube videos and found a trick for non-zero time activities that has been helping me a lot too.
jaxxon@reddit
You can't just say you have a hack for your ADHD and then not say what it is, yo.
feryoooday@reddit
Sorry, I’d said it in another comment and didn’t want to go on and on (as I tend to lol). It’s not much of a hack per say, since I have to remember to do it but usually the stress of Very Important Things helps me hyperfocus into it 😂
I can’t remember where I saw the video to credit it but it was about “non-zero time activities”. Which to neurotypical people they’re like what? But with time blindness, it’s helped me realize there are things that to me take no time mentally but take time on the clocks everyone else is using 😅
The recommendation was to add one minute extra for each non-zero time activity before leaving somewhere. I know, the raging ableist dude is gonna come in herewith another “just leave 30 minutes early” or whatever but it doesn’t work like that for me. Examples of NZTA’s— putting on shoes, locating keys, walking to car, scraping ice off of car, parking for appointment, walking into appointment, and adding one minute for each one. So I look up how far the drive is and add +1, +1, +1, +1, etc. until I have a firm deadline.
Since I added the NZTA’s already, if I start trying to head out the door on the deadline I’ve meticulously plotted out, I actually wind up being on-time, or like a few minutes early, which isn’t as awful as THIRTY MINUTES EARLY alone with my thoughts stressing about the appointment the entire time, so it’s much more manageable. And a few minutes early is much more socially acceptable than a few minutes late, clearly, as shown by the reddit downvote bombs against mentioning time blindness, siding with the dude crashing out over people being 4 minutes late.
Because genuinely, to me it takes zero time to walk from my house to my car. I realize it must take a few to 20? 30? seconds, but it doesn’t feel like it. It’s like I’m missing the organ the rest of humanity uses to gauge these things.
The problem is remembering to do this, of course. And remembering to check the time (how does one check time on time if they don’t know how much time has passed? the answer is, constantly while panicking and not accomplishing anything, or not happening) and set an alarm as well, of course. But when I implement this it helps hugely.
jaxxon@reddit
Ahh.. this is very helpful! Thank you.
Onward and upward . . . .
bobby5557@reddit
That’s such an easy thing to fix
RealityCactus@reddit
For some people, sure. But not for everyone.
cowardunblockme@reddit
"You are right. It won't happen again."
Ok-Faithlessness7812@reddit
“I made a mistake and am very sorry.“
Ravioli_Wizard@reddit
Damn, I guess even pimps fuck up ¯_(ツ)_/¯
sabre_dance@reddit
The only protip is to own up to what you fucked up honestly, propose a solution to fixing it and preventing it from happening in, and locking into that course of action. You may still get in trouble, but having a plan to unfuck things or being willing to do the hard work to right things goes a long way.
balsagna69@reddit
I always blame it on Ricky Stawnychy.
RikkiLostMyNumber@reddit
I'm struggling to find anything other than, "Sorry, I screwed up, I won't let it happen again." What are you trying to accomplish in this regard?
jaxxon@reddit
They want to be able to let it happen again and again.
writinglegit2@reddit
"I'll suck your dick," not only goes a long way, but it shows that you are a team player, are owning your mistake, and willing to do whatever it takes to make it right.
Suck his dick.
AK_Sole@reddit
They have to suck more than one to be considered a team player…
definitely_not_obama@reddit
Deeply sexist, assuming the boss is a man. Yes, these are unethical life pro tips, but even some lines we shouldn't cross.
Suck her dick, OP.
writinglegit2@reddit
Ah, It is 2026, youre right.
She might be packing heavy. Chew some gum first, as a warm up.
Key-Algae-9245@reddit
Shouldn’t it be ‘suck their dick’?
Few_Ad_7613@reddit
Have sex with your bosses dad.
No_Flamingo9331@reddit
No excuses, no blaming others. Take responsibility, apologize, say you won’t do it again.
But if you want unethical? Say your bosses boss told you to do it and not to say they said that.
Jedi_Hog@reddit
Apologizing, admitting wrongdoing, or even telling the truth is VERY unethical for those who are still supporting the madness occupying the Oval Office
No_Flamingo9331@reddit
While this comment confuses me, I agree the madness in the Oval Office is extremely fucked up.
Jedi_Hog@reddit
Apologizing, admitting wrongdoing, or even telling the truth is VERY unethical for those who are still supporting the madness occupying the Oval Office
noahboddy@reddit
Hey, apologizing's still unethical if you don't mean it!
CptBronzeBalls@reddit
“Boss, the police are outside. They found your whole family murdered.” When he finds out his family is still alive, he’ll be so overjoyed that he’ll forget about you being late.
Odd_Cryptographer941@reddit
Say it was Me, I fucked Up! Totally Baffles them and they don't know what to say!
HansenTakeASeat@reddit
"I didn't know you couldn't do that"
Camperthedog@reddit
Oopsie daisiesssss - gotta extend the s to really drive it home. Daises can also be easily replaced with poopsie pantssssssss . Once again emphasizing the sssss is important.
John_EightThirtyTwo@reddit
Think about telling somebody why you're pissed off at them. What would be the most satisfying thing to hear in response? It's some version of "I understand what you're saying. I regret my actions. I'll act differently from now on."
Say that.
block-bit@reddit
Excellent_Orange6346@reddit
Bye! From a distance and running.
Quirky-Invite7664@reddit
“You’re right. I’m wrong. I won’t do it again.”
“It’s just that we need you to be here on time.”
“You’re right.”
It’s so rare that people flat-out admit being wrong and the other person is right, it really surprises and disarms people. They immediately calm down and almost feel guilty for admonishing you. This works in all situations (work, personal life).
Keep repeating “You’re right,” like a broken record. See what happens. They always calm down.
Key-Algae-9245@reddit
It’s important not to make eye contact with your boss, preferably don’t even face in their direction. As they start to speak give a sort of shooing motion with your hand, as if batting away a fly and move away with your back to them. If they continue to speak then say “yeah, whatever” and go get a coffee or something. I find this approach works well in all sorts of interactions with bosses.
Few_Ad_7613@reddit
And burp a couple of times to see if they're paying attention.
Yakker65@reddit
Your the one who left me unsupervised …
PsudoGravity@reddit
"Sorry, let me reverse time real quick, oh huh, I cant do it, can you reverse time for me? No? I guess we'll just have to make do with whatevers left then."
Queefmaster69000@reddit
There's 2 paths to choose if you've fucked up, and you need to decide in a moment what's best.
Own up, be humble, be a little self deprecating in your admission, apologise, explain but don't justify, start suggesting solutions and get involved in fixing it. Not really unethical, but adjusting your approach to this way to minimise the shitstorm probably is.
You can also just go full goblin mode, assuming there's any plausibility in you not being the one responsible.
PerPuroCaso@reddit
If I can help it I‘m always on time. So when I‘m not, something out of my control happened and I will never apologise for something I didn’t do. I say thank you for your patience in case I‘m late for an early morning meeting because sorry isn’t gonna help anyone anyway but a thank you goes a long way. I‘m not five, if I get in trouble over a non-issue that I didn’t even cause I will leave that environment behind.
epicurean56@reddit
As a professional consultant for 25 years, my job was not to cause problems but to find solutions. So if I did cause a problem I would own it, present solutions and move forward with a positive mental attitude. Never failed me.
MajiktheBus@reddit
r/EthicalLifeProTips for you.
Dejasade@reddit
Shit myself
CoderJoe1@reddit
Take responsibility and vow to do better. Don't offer any excuses until they ask.
beamerpook@reddit
Sincerely apologize, or at least sounds like it. Usually in a back handed way
"I'm so sorry, I did not realize you like that outfit so much"
khakiwarrior@reddit
“It’s my first day.” -Homer Simpson
BigMikeInAustin@reddit
Use the Jedi mind trick.
ggibby@reddit
If you're making a habit of these things, maybe "I resign."
darkseid365@reddit
It's my first day
ProminentKnuckle@reddit
Joke about retardation
Desperate_Set_7708@reddit
Own it. Admit you made a mistake, you’ve already recognized it, and what you’re doing to prevent a repeat.