Painful Slow Death
Posted by SuperTeacherStudent@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 87 comments
We gen-xers were convinced early on in school and through the media that the end of the world would be in an instant. We'd see a flash of light in the distance and be neutralized before we could even see the mushroom cloud. Ironically, I was scared to death of that scenario for many years. Like, we would just be enjoying life like normal: watching TV, bowling, having a bbq, hanging out at the beach...and then boom. Life as we know it-obliterated. But now I would 100% welcome that scenario. Now in my 50s, and like most people these days, I have literally NOTHING to look forward to. It's all about survival. While data centers continue to increase our utility bills and remove our jobs, we are supposed to slowly coast into non-existence so the billionaires can enjoy their robot, solar powered utopia.
I've lived a good life. I've traveled. I've raised a family, earned 2 college degrees, and excelled as a teacher and college professor despite having aged out of the foster care system. And for what? To fall deeper into a pit of despair while fueling the slow, miserable demise of everyone except the billionaires. It really really sucks. I wish I could jump off the planet, but I don't have the guts. It just sucks.
LibertyMike@reddit
This ain't baby land. Get outside and go for a walk. Get fresh air and sunlight. Clinically proven to improve mood & health.
Appropriate_Debt_185@reddit
Take a trip -get out and see the world. I don’t have a lot of $ but I make travel a priority. It opens up your world and breaks the monotony of life up.
SuperTeacherStudent@reddit (OP)
I do travel. I just got back from the pnw a few days ago, and I went to Spain for four months last year. No... I'm not rich. My daughter works for an airline and I fly for free.
Lily_V_@reddit
I’m convinced we’re all going to starve. Food is so expensive, farmers are struggling. Chemical companies have polluted the earth.
Criseyde2112@reddit
Dude, it's time for antidepressants. Get the blood test that matches your genes to the medications that work. Start enjoying life again.
RealCrazySwordGirl@reddit
Hahaha such faith in medical technology!
All you have to do is go over to any of the antidepressant subs and lurk for a while before you see all the people saying "i got the test that matches my dna to the correct meds, so whyowhy do i not feel any better?! In fact i feel worse"
As any of us who've tried literally ALL the antidepressants in the past almost forty years can tell you, sometimes it's just not going to be solved with pharmaceuticals 😫
Criseyde2112@reddit
I'm sorry that has been your experience. It worked for me.
RealCrazySwordGirl@reddit
It's nice to hear a success story! I'm very glad it worked for you! 👍🏼
kludge6730@reddit
Had a period of antidepressants. Turns out it was just that harpy I was married to at the time. Divorce was the best (and final) antidepressant needed.
LissaBryan@reddit
I wanna see what happens next. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
You're right that we're all doomed and it's pretty much just a long, slow spiral downward from here, but I want to know what happens to me. I want to travel to see the animals likely to go extinct before they're gone. I want to see the fragile biomes likely to collapse, and the islands that are going to be lost to flooding. I want the world to know the touch of my hand before it dies.
I'm going to suck as much juice from the straw I stuck into the world as I can.
rodeler@reddit
The year I was born Martin Luther King was assassinated, Bobby Kennedy was assassinated, there were 550,000 US troops in Vietnam, massive riots across the country, and the Tet Offensive occurred.
Does the state of the world concern me? Yes. But, we have been here before, righted the ship, and moved forward.
Cheer up my fellow GenXer.
Bleep_Bloop_Derp@reddit
This sounds like a Rolling Stones song…
Criseyde2112@reddit
Or Billy Joel.
RealtorRVACity@reddit
I can relate, but it's just me, nobody/nothing else. Family is almost all gone as well. Not too much "looking forward to" going on these days. Last year I lost 13 ppl in my sphere and 2 so far this year. Is this our future? Not looking so hot.
SuperTeacherStudent@reddit (OP)
Yeah, exactly. Everybody says... Oh you just need to make a gratitude list or do something happy or whatever. I've literally tried all that. And I was happy for a while. Until I started seeing reality again.
DangerBird-@reddit
It’s time to eat the rich.
missmgrrl@reddit
They are less delicious now due to the fat shot.
BlownCamaro@reddit
https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/depression-bible-verses/
tauregh@reddit
I work in ems. I have zero interest in living too long. I want the good years and a helium tank after that. I transported a 79 year old with Alzheimer’s this week and have no desire to be in that situation.
SuperTeacherStudent@reddit (OP)
Isn't it ridiculous how we are kept alive just to fuel the medical industry? That has got to be so frustrating. I mean, they were calling some patients GOMERs even back in the 70s.
Substantial-Chip-102@reddit
I completely agree! At 60 I can’t hope to retire and live. I still work 40 hrs/week just to survive. I couldn’t possibly afford a roof over my head or food if I had to live on SSI. My whole apartment complex is full of people who don’t have to get up and go to work. Either on SSI or came here as refugees. Everyone has five kids. I feel like I am paying every dime to support everyone able to just hang out all day.
SuperTeacherStudent@reddit (OP)
Don't forget the billionaires who aren't paying any taxes, refuse to pay living wages, and put up more and more data centers that raise your utility prices
Substantial-Chip-102@reddit
Oh I don’t. I feel like I am the ping-pong ball in the middle who foots the bill for both sides. But I just make myself keep going.
CrispyDave@reddit
Don't be too down, there's always a chance of global Armageddon!
SuperTeacherStudent@reddit (OP)
It's not looking good until the billionaires have gathered enough data for their robots and secured their full exit plan. (Good God! That would have sounded super crazy insane just a couple years ago but now... Jeez!)
MovingTarget-@reddit
I have never once compared my life to a Billionaire. My life is my own and it's never been any worse because some guy has 3 yachts. Focus on yourself and your friends and family!
MrPrimalNumber@reddit
I know someone who’s losing healthcare because “some guy has three yachts”, and can’t get needed treatments. So I’d say there’s plenty of people (in the US at least) that have it worse because billionaires are greedy.
Certain-Criticism-51@reddit
OP, I hear you. I'm with you. I could have written this myself. Hugs.
SuperTeacherStudent@reddit (OP)
It's nice to have support. I'm tired of being told I need medication. I tried going on the positivity train. I even moved to another country only to find more problems there so I came back 2 months ago. It has been hell ever since. To know that there is literally no where to go is incredibly defeating.
seigezunt@reddit
Jesus dude. I thought I was depressed.
UrsaMajor7th@reddit
10 out of 10 people die of something. I checked all the boxes of my life by the age of 35; now I’m just enjoying a sybaritic lifestyle until it’s over. Treat people right, especially yourself. Enjoy your time and stop taking it for granted.
TheSwedishEagle@reddit
Nuclear war wasn't something I was ever worries about as a child of the 70s. Wasn't this more something kids in the 50s and 60s worried about?
SuperTeacherStudent@reddit (OP)
I'm 53. My 3rd grade teacher taught us we were at ground zero and explained what that was. Then I watched "The Day After."
chimpyjnuts@reddit
I still remember how relieved I felt when the wall fell. I figured, no USSR, no nuclear war, right?
Creative-Ad-3645@reddit
I mean, sure, you can fall further into despair while observing the inevitable deaths of everyone except the billionaires...
Or you can apply your intellect (which, as a college professor, I'm guessing is impressive) to tapping into the connections, skills, and resources that will underpin the parallel, non-monetary economy that will likely emerge as said billionaires hoard all the capital.
Do you volunteer? It's a great way to connect with your community, build skills, and feel like you're doing something to make the world a better place. Feed the homeless, plant some trees, lobby for a cause. The opportunities are endless.
What practical skills do you have? Pick up a hobby that will build more: gardening, cooking, carpentry, knitting, wood-turning, sewing, motor mechanics... A life in academia is a great achievement, but often it comes at the cost of time spent producing tangible outcomes. Bake the cake, knit the hat, change the oil. Sometimes it's being able to point to the little things and say "I made that".
What tangible assets do you have? House, maybe a bit of land? What can you do to increase resilience? Can you install solar, water storage, get a couple of chickens? Do you have a toolkit, a workshop, a library of print copy how-to's? Yes, assets can be seized but that's not the usual way they operate.
Finally, as others have said, maybe get some therapy. Maybe you need medication. Maybe talk to your doctor: hormonal changes in mid-life can kick your arse regardless of sex.
Also maybe explore some kind of spiritual practice? If you're not a theist I'm not suggesting "y'all need Jesus", but things like a gratitude journal, mindfulness, or meditating on things like the resilience of humanity (didn't you yourself overcome starting your life in foster care? Hasn't humanity as a whole survived wars, famines, diseases and more?) and the beauty of the natural world can all help uplift the spirit.
Take it from a prepper married to a prepper who works in emergency management: there is always, always something you can do. You are a human being, and as a species and as individuals we have an incredible capacity to overcome challenges and find moments of joy. The times are dark, but they've been dark before. Sooner or later the dawn always comes.
contrarymary24@reddit
❤️ - this is so important. Find joy. Participate. Contribute.
complexequations@reddit
Goodness gracious! Op, I don't know if you realize it, but you are a very strong person. Starting in foster care and having accomplished all that you had. You have inner strength.
I'm not expert, just sharing and giving you my 2 cents, from my experience. From birth to about 7 yo, human beings develop a sense of belonging and of beings loved. As we grow into adolescence, and we become more self-conscious, we develop self-image and self-worth.
If during those formative years we didn't have the necessary nurturing, we figured ways to cope and try to compensate for our lack of self-love and poor self-image by becoming other-centered. So, our reference point is external to us.
In our 50s, the external point blurs (end of career, empty nest, estrangement from friends, death of loved ones), we feel lost and confused.
My suggestion is for you to Take this time to find yourself, what brings you pleasure. Seek some therapy to help you heal those parts of you that are stuck feeling like a 7yo and like a teenager. Bring the focus to self, so you are whole. Decluttering your inner world and self-actualization will help you feel better and find the taste and flavour of this stage of your life.
Be kind and compassionate to yourself and cut yourself the same slak that you would to a dear friend.
You are way better than you believe.
Hope this helps. Hang in there, Op!
BloodyBarbieBrains@reddit
I have nothing to look forward to either. My life gets worse every year. My parents get sicker and older every year. My mom gets more abusive every year. My disability gets harder to manage every year. We have less income for basic necessities every year.
It’s like all the good stuff burned out fast and early in my young adulthood, and all that’s left is shit, poverty, and illness getting worse as I fade away.
SuperTeacherStudent@reddit (OP)
Exactly this. In the end, we are nothing but income for big pharma. We are forced to live on less so when we can, we work at gig economy jobs which actually cost us money instead of provide an income.
bluntpointsharpie@reddit
Sounds like you should join a senior center, and meet some people. Maybe talk to somebody about depression. Hell if nothing else go fishing or hiking.
I stuck a gun in my mouth at 19 and my words were very close to what you have written here. A nanosecond of sanity (a voice inside my head) asked a simple question: Aren't you going to write a note?
That made me put the pistol on the seat. I grabbed some paper and started a note. Dear Motherfuckers. Then I thought, maybe I should list my reasons. So I turned the paper over and started a list.
Then I figured that I could end my pain today and on monday they would all go back to work, or I could make everybody I hate, miserable for the next 50 or so years.
Since that day, I realized hate is toxic, so i forgave everybody including myself. Yet I have outlived every asshole that was on my 19 year old hate list.
Quit feeling like there's no reason to move forward, and find one. Im going to Paris again next week and my 60 year old geezer ass is gonna have one hell of a good time. Fuck em if they cant take a joke!
The_Original_Miser@reddit
This right here is the best way to "beat them".
Good on you. Seriously.
RedMoco@reddit
Find a reason, make a reason, do something. Our generation knows no one will save us. It’s up to us. And like you said, make em miserable and fuck em if they can’t take a joke.
jujioux@reddit
Were we separated at birth, or something? I could have written this myself.
SuperTeacherStudent@reddit (OP)
It's what happens when you're smart enough to see what's actually happening. I wish I could be dumb and unable to see the future. Truth is, I've been seeing what's to come since shortly before COVID. I even stocked up on toilet paper and other important items 2 weeks before most people had even heard of COVID cause I was paying attention to what was going on overseas with it. I've been watching the rise of AI, and they keep saying that it will be really bad for a couple decades and then we will have a utopia, but it looks like that utopia is just for the billionaires. The rest of us will no longer be needed, which is another thing AI researchers have said... That humans will no longer be needed, but the truth is that MOST humans will no longer be needed. I'm tired of being told I'm just depressed and I need therapy. I tried the whole positivity and gratitude train. I travel a lot but it's not fun anymore. The more places I see, the more I see how society is truly crumbling.
balcon@reddit
It feels like we're so much closer to the country being attacked than ever, and I feel fine. Actually, I'm worried, though I try not to dwell on it. It's a different, deeper type of fear than the nuclear war threat from childhood. There are so many things in our day to day lives that make us more vulnerable than we were then. More vectors with disruption potential surround us.
It's impossible for me to talk about this subject with any depth by not acknowledging the political dimension, so I won't try as to not run afoul of the rules.
Beneficial-Mall6549@reddit
I'm partying with other gen xers, enjoying freetime in nature, still having the occasional good buzz. Living simple, nobody to tell us what to do or say, making music and enjoying good food. Sh!t dude, retired time is like living again, you make it on how you use it.
Lalamedic@reddit
Unless you’re homeless because you don’t have a pension.
BazingaQQ@reddit
Anyone here from the UK/Ireland will remember a tv series called Threads from the mid 80s.
Teenage me could not sleep for weeks after see a couple of episodes of that...
Bruno6368@reddit
That was pure dread and terror.
Demostecles@reddit
Um, no.
None of that.
Never was taught or heard any of that in school.
Nothing to look forward to? I have lists and lists of things I’m looking forward to. Even simple every day life has me appreciating so much
I think you’re depressed and may need some help. This isn’t a normal perspective on life at any age.
CrankyDoo@reddit
I’m with you. My biggest problem is that there is not enough time left in my life to learn and experience everything I want.
Demostecles@reddit
I simply want to read all the books.
All of them.
DominicPalladino@reddit
It may not be healthy and I'm not sure what percent counts as normal but it does seem.common. Google reports....
Based on AARP surveys, approximately 1 in 4 (24%–25%) U.S. adults over age 50 who are not yet retired say they expect to never retire. Additionally, 60% of Americans say they are not looking forward to old age, which they define as beginning around age 66.
Key findings regarding challenges faced by this demographic include:
Financial Anxiety: Nearly 46% of Americans doubt they will be financially prepared for retirement, and 61% are worried they won't have enough money.
Lack of Savings: About 1 in 5 (20%) adults over 50 have no retirement savings. Declining Security: 42% of men over 50 describe their financial situation as "fair" or "poor".
Daily Struggles: 35% of adults 50+ report feeling lonely or isolated at least sometimes, and 22% find it difficult to perform daily
kludge6730@reddit
Never worried about nuclear armaggedon (or any other type of armaggedon for that matter). Just saw it as an interesting bit of fiction … but if it did happen, no freaking geometry class for the win.
Tired_o_Mods_BS@reddit
Lighten up Francis.
SageCactus@reddit
Getting old sucks, but it's better than the other choice
BazingaQQ@reddit
If nuclear war ever kicks off, i want to be right under the first bomb that goes off
LikesPez@reddit
This is why wherever I choose to live, it is a ground zero target. I’ve played all the Fallouts, read On The Beach, watched The Day After, and listened to the nuclear holocaust scenarios my B-52 pilot grandfather would describe. I don’t want any part of the aftermath.
Not_a_fan_of_me@reddit
I live along the front range of Colorado. Pretty sure my place will be a crater
agirldonkey@reddit
I live within 25 miles of the Houston Ship Channel and NASA, fingers crossed lol
WileyCoyote7@reddit
Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.
Everything is absurd if you just step back and look at it. At least we had (are having) a life that wasn’t/isn’t lame. Awesome music that nobody, in my opinion, has bettered yet and regularly sample in an attempt to. Movies, that again, they attempt endless sequels of in the hopes of capturing that “magic” that was ours to experience first.
You’re GenX. You don’t have to accept shit, you make your own choices independently because fuck it. If the nukes fly, whatever. Put on “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” and grin as it vaporizes you Terminator 2-style. Slow and painful? Whatever. It’s not like we’ve never had to rub dirt on it and walk it off. Goonies never say die, so don’t quit on us.
Active_Recording_789@reddit
Come on dude there’s awesome stuff out there. Try a cool new frozen coffee, browse through a book store (that new book smell!), walk a shelter dog, give $20 to someone who needs it, book a river rafting experience, sleep under the stars. There’s literally millions of cool things to do!!!
CreativeBusiness6588@reddit
Amen!!!
RunRunRabbitRunovich@reddit
Tis why I have a Fear and Loathing suitcase filled with various items. If I’m going to go out I’m going out tripping my face off and laughing 🙋🏻♀️
HighJeanette@reddit
Yes, I agree.
One_Local5586@reddit
Maybe it’s your age but I was born in 1975, the concerns were a new ice age, or mass global pollution and acid rain. There were even some shows set in the future where you had to always carry a poncho in case of rain.
Tonythecritic@reddit
I do sometimes wonder what ever happened to acid rain, it was such a big topic of worry back in the 80s.
DominicPalladino@reddit
It was essentially solved. Legislation changed, technologies were invented and deployed, and now the rain is not acidic.*
One_Local5586@reddit
We fixed it and mostly closed up the hole, if not all the way. Good news doesn’t make for good news, if you know what I mean, so we don’t hear much about it.
General_Road_7952@reddit
There was a major cutback in emissions that cause it, for one
1043b@reddit
This rough. For what it's worth I was terrified of Nuclear fallout, not the big mushroom cloud. I remember all those movies and tv series as well, especially the long slow deaths. What we have now is better than that to be sure.
Some of the get help advice her may work for you, and if not for your own sake, maybe for your families sake? Honestly, that's why I work so hard to be positive.
StonedGhoster@reddit
I hate to say it, but the idea of a quick death as a result of nuclear war is not exactly true. The lucky ones would be obliterated in an instant. It would be millions, but out of billions. The rest of us would die quite slowly. The novel "One Second After" is probably a pretty good description of what that would be like for most people, albeit from EMP rather than an actual nuclear strike.
inspector_ninety_9@reddit
I don’t get this at all. I mean, you grew up! No one to tell you what to do, where to go… all the stuff we longed for as kids. You’ve probably got a little money and some time… and you’re bored and have nothing to look forward to? Where is your sense of adventure, imagination, etc? Get out and do something. Learn to paint. Buy a guitar. Take a road trip. Something!
BombadilGuy@reddit
Life’s a stage and you’re a dancer. Lighten up and start dancing again.
Aware-Owl4346@reddit
"...like most people these days, I literally have nothing to look forward to..."
You said that, not us. Most people I know are happy and have much to look forward to. Please, please look for assistance with what seems to be an internal sense of despair.
zionzednem@reddit
As long as there is music and the ability to consume it, nature in some capacity to view and bathe in, and some ability to interact with humans and dogs, I’ll be ok until my own lights go out.
TreasonalDepression@reddit
I can get down with that.
BigBanyak22@reddit
I know the whole nuclear war is going to wipe us all out quick stuff... But the rest of this despair stuff is on you. Sounds like you have a great family, great career, good income and pension. Go travel, try fishing or photography... Find your place. Nuclear annhilation sounds a bit extreme for your position.
ConversationCool3000@reddit
💯
OnehappyOwl44@reddit
This sounds like depression talking. You have a choice, find the little joys in life or focus on the negative. You're right that a lot of things are hard these days but people have survived so much worse and always found ways to hope and experience small wonders. People find the will to live during wars or after horrible tragedies like the loss of a child. Try to find things to be grateful for in your life and not fixate on the wrongs you can't control. I assure you, no matter how bad you think you have it, someone, somewhere has it worse. You can't choose what happens to you but you can choose how you respond to it.
AdnorAdnor@reddit
Agreed, gratitude is the gateway to healing
RespondOpposite@reddit
Go see a therapist.
And if you insist on being fatalistic, just know that the possibility of a nuclear strike still exists.
Bokononfoma@reddit
I hear ya, times are tough. That said, there are always things to look forward to. You just can't see them now. Be kind to yourself, and get some help if you need it.
KingPabloo@reddit
What a terrible and tragic outlook you have. I’m 59 and can’t wait to get up every day and live my life.
Suspicious_Time7239@reddit
You also must consider that you are here to witness and maybe even be the catalyst for an inflection point that tosses civilization into an entirely new trajectory. Treat yourself well and watch the whole thing unfold as if you were watching a movie. That's what I do.
Ceorl_Lounge@reddit
Please get some therapy. That's not the state of the world, that's a major depressive episode talking.
Old_Goat_Ninja@reddit
It’s best not to think about these things.