Why am I so dumb? | TheaterFire

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Far-Presentation6307@reddit

As a counterpoint to all the people saying you have ADHD. Most skills and traits in life are somewhere on a spectrum. For example, height, income, distance you can throw, driving ability.

80-90% of people rate themselves as above average drivers, but statistically only half can be. The other half are sadly below average.

Intelligence is the same. You have some absolute brainiacs, who speak 10 languages, got a pHD at age 15, and have a Nobel prize for discoveries in the field of quantum computing. On the other end of the scale you have people with severe learning difficulties, who sadly lack the intelligence/ brainpower / planning skills to live independently, or sometimes even can't talk or feed themselves. Most of us thankfully live somewhere in the middle, where we are able to do most things independently. There is still an average though, and therefore half of people have to be below average intelligence.

It sounds like you might have below average intelligence, and that's ok! Who knows, maybe instead of getting a high intellect build, you got more strength, charisma or dashing good looks instead.

Having awareness of your strengths and weaknesses is just as important as being intelligent. Some people think they are really intelligent, but are well below average. These people are probably ones who fall for scams and believe in simple arguments for complex situations, like "deport all the immigrants" or "benefits claimants are all scroungers".

If you're aware of something you can work around it. I know I'm not great at maths, so even when it's a simple task, if the outcome is important (e.g. tax calculations for HMRC, or working out doses of medications) then I'll run it through a calculator just to be sure. You're holding down a job, so you're clearly not extremely below average, just a little bit. Humans are great, so I'm sure you have found ways around any difficulties slightly lower intelligence has caused. Maybe you triple check your work instead of double checking, maybe you deliberately work a bit slower on complex stuff, maybe you do an extra round of testing. Doing things like reading and solving puzzles is great too, think of your brain like a muscle; if you give it a workout it gets stronger and faster.

The only issue I see here is that your co-workers are bullies.

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EglaFin@reddit

Weird perspective but consider it a blessing in disguise. I breezed through everything up to gcse, barely turned up to A level as soon as my target grades got me an unconditional uni offer and once I was at university, I hit a brick wall. I had zero work ethic. Didn’t pass second year after three attempts, because I simply didn’t know how to put the work in.

The fact you try hard and persevere despite feeling like you’re being “slow” is applaudable. Success is built on tenacity.

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DownWithAndi@reddit

Have you ever thought of getting tested for neurodevelopmental conditions?

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Bantabury97@reddit

Accomplished more than me, mate. Don't beat yourself down.

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lappy482@reddit

Don't stress yourself - like others have said here, you've achieved way more already than so many other people in the UK (or around the world, for that matter).

If you did want to do something, though, I'd recommend just finding a topic that you find really really interesting and diving really deep into it. Concentrating on reading is so much easier when it involves a subject that genuinely excites or fascinates you.

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Numerous-Substance55@reddit

Maybe you're a conceptual learner? Do you need to understand the bigger picture in order to grasp something? Some people appear to pick things up quickly but they can have a more shallow understanding of concepts and how they relate to other things. Not saying either is better, but the conceptual learner usually wins in the long run.

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Aetheriao@reddit

Ofc all the it must be adhd posts are out in force.

NTs can also be like this.. and as someone with ADHD I have never struggled to learn something extremely quickly. I could finish a GCSE exam in half the time and get an A*.

So bored of people diagnosing everyone off something that’s so vague even as an ADHD doctor it’s not even strong evidence of the normal symptoms.

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deathbladev@reddit

It does seem like just a fad now that any time people struggle with focus “it must be adhd”

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AutomaticInitiative@reddit

It's the combinations of being slow to learn, distractible, and terrible self esteem that triggers the "please look into ADHD" alarm

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pajamakitten@reddit

Low self-esteem is so common though. It is hardly unique to those with ADHD.

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AutomaticInitiative@reddit

The combination of all - the particular self-esteem issue OP has in face of their achievements is extremely common in ADHD havers.

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malumfectum@reddit

ADHD can severely impact education and learning, though, particularly if you’re not interested in the topic. I have ADHD and did very well in the subjects I was interested in but barely scraped Cs for the ones I didn’t. I’m also very slow on the uptake and a lot of what OP stated resonates with my life experience. You’re right that it’s not an automatic sign of it, but it can be a component, and a possible avenue to explore. I also have dyspraxia, and it can be hard to tell where one ends and the other begins.

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ScreenOk1746@reddit

Some people are just dumb, that doesn't mean they have ADHD or Autism. Pretty shameful of you to repeat the BS that NTs espouse. Not every failure is a neuro divergence.

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Aetheriao@reddit

Yes it can.

Going I learn slower is not confirmation of adhd. You even list an alternative diagnosis. But look all the comments are adhd because it’s the current fashion.

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Neither_Process_7847@reddit

Not always, no, but being slow to learn due to concentration issues is rather closer than many things that the online community thinks are ADHD. But OPs probably just excessively bashing themselves here given they're clearly accomplishing things...

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MrPejorative@reddit

Look into "mastery learning". It's usually what's missing when people come out of school thinking they're "dumb".

Find an activity that has some form of built in continuous testing (like puzzles or strategy games, maths problems, anything that you can't cheat yourself on). Life is continuous learning and testing. You'll get better and you're only competing with yourself.

BTW, podcasts are passive entertainment at best, and mostly a waste of time if your goal is to learn the most in the least amount of time. Don't kid yourself.

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LambonaHam@reddit

A) Are you part cat?
B) Are you orange?

You're not dumb. Right now you're a penguin upset that they can't fly, but pigeons can't dive between the ocean or collect shiny rocks. It's not dumbness, just difference.

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fiveofspades94@reddit

Just because you're slow at something, doesn't make you dumb. You are doing them. That's amazing. Read books, do puzzles, keep trying. The second you stop trying and stop being curious is the saddest day! Enjoy life at your pace.

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Comfortable-Pace3132@reddit

Sounds like me. I tend to take a little longer but once I get it sometimes I get it on a little bit of a deeper level than average. I'm just not 'switched on' in the sense of being quick. With games, if I can understand it deeply I can excel, but if I don't get a game then I don't get it all and will just be confused

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MoonIhide@reddit

As others have said you must be pretty smart to pass your exams, go to university and work in tech.

As for being slow to pick things up, that's not necessarily a bad thing. It shows you are giving these things consideration. When it comes to board games I dont start with a great level if understanding but prefer to pick things up as we play. Likewise with reading, often the words wash over me and I dont take it all in (unless I'm reading something great in which case I'm much more engaged). Point is we all have different interests and learning styles. doesn't make us dumb if we learn differently to others.

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crazedhotpotato@reddit

As others have said, you have done all of that. It takes you longer, yes. However you are persistent and you don't give up even when it's difficult and you push yourself constantly, so many smarter people give up at the first hurdle. Everyone has dumb moments so don't worry to much, you are doing great.

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UmaUmaNeigh@reddit

Are you kind? Are you generous? Are you supportive? Are you reliable? Are you loving?

Plenty of people are "smart" but can't answer yes to the above. I would sooner have a good person as a friend, partner or employee than someone with a bunch of qualifications. And believe me: qualifications are NOT a sign of intelligence, I've worked with some right dickheads over the years.

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justanother_drone@reddit

I think id consider 'dumbness' the inability to retain information, which you have already said you are able to do. If it just takes a little longer to get there, then that's not really dumb.

Listen to others and stop being so hard on yourself, while you're at it, dont let others opinions of you merge into your opinion of yourself. They dont believe you work in tech? That's on them, you earned your place. You deserve to be where you are.

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Few_Exchange_7931@reddit

You sound like me! I’m constantly being ridiculed at work for being ditsy & slow. The self awareness definitely helps though! I’ve always found I get things slower than others but I’ll probably be more competent at it than others by the end of it!

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Snowyrunt@reddit

You passed your GCSEs and graduated from uni. I did neither. I ended up at uni somehow, but still dropped out.

I know how you feel about being slow to pick up the rules on games though and I truly despise the belittling comments like 'well done, finally'. Not even just because it's me who's the target; it's the arrogance and condescension that winds me up. It pisses me off when I see other people targetted too.

All people process things differently and it's perfectly fine and normal to take a little longer to grasp some things. There will be things you understand better than others, I'm absolutely sure of it. None of this stuff makes you dumb. Not in my opinion anyway.

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ddmf@reddit

I couldn't pass uni at all, you're better than I.

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AcanthisittaFit1066@reddit

This sounds like you have undiagnosed special learning needs that weren't picked up because while you underperformed academically, ultimately you were good enough not attract the attention of teachers at school.

State the obvious but there are a lot of people around who only found out as adults that they had dyspraxia, dyslexia, ADHD etc. If it really worries you that you are 'slow' in some sense then it might be worth getting an assessment to try and identify workarounds.

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Scratches_at_lvl_10@reddit

Hey being stupid is relative. If u surround urself w talented ppl ur gonna feel bad in comparison-though u should put urself in said situations cause it allows u to grow, and u evidently have the determination to do so despite ur 'stupidity' so, keep going :)

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ukctstrider@reddit

You seem to be self aware, and that puts you ahead of most people!

It's very easy to get caught up on some of the things you're bad at, but it's important to also balance that with the things you're good at!

I'm generally thought of at work as being highly intelligent, but there's a ton of things I'm really terrible at. I've surrounded myself with people who compliment my skills and my team at work are really successful because of our diversity.

You also sound fairly young, so you have plenty of time to learn about yourself and how you can operate to maximise your strengths and minimise your weaknesses.

All that aside, as long as you're a good, kind, loving person then you'll be just fine.

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xpaoslm@reddit

I feel EXACTLY the same. I've experienced every single thing that you've mentioned. It's so irritating and i feel so pathetic. I feel like too much doomscrolling on social media has dumbed me down and made me so slow. idk what other reason there could be for this

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Neither_Process_7847@reddit

You aren't dumb! You graduated from uni, can improvise, do take in the info and you work in tech. Sure you aren't just feeling imposter syndrome? Because if you are that's not a sign of incompetence- quite the opposite. Truly dumb people don't realise how far they fall short of their own professional ideal...

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Wiltix@reddit

You are clearly not an idiot, you passed your GCSEs, got a degree and have a career.

Everyone processes Information differently and while you may take longer to finish a task than others that does not have any reflection on the quality of the work done.

Don’t be so hard on yourself, you know what works for you and that’s what matters. Comparison is the thief of joy.

I hate doing this, but from what you have said have you considered talking to your GP about getting tested to see if you have ADHD? A few things you said sound familiar and while it’s not to be used as an excuse knowing you have ADHD can help you figure out how to work better.

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Fly_Boy_Blue@reddit

Are you content? That's much more important than intelligence.

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ReturnPure8518@reddit

There's a reason he (or she) posted this...

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SoggyWotsits@reddit

There will be something you’re good at that other people aren’t. Maybe it’s something artistic or musical, or working with your hands?

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droideka_bot69@reddit

That fact you can acknowledge you're "dumb" proves you're not actually that dumb. We all have different types of being smart. Example, I'm really not book smart, I couldn't sit in a classroom and learn a load of boring bullshit. But I'm really good at fixing/making things and understanding more complex mechanisms than almost all people I know in my life.

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cmpthepirate@reddit

It sounds like the only thing you're doing wrong is to surround yourself with and allow yourself to be judged by the wrong people.

Is the "well done, finally" the main thing that has bothered you? Have you had a feeling of inferiority and this was the comment that nailed it for you?

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Champagne_Bunnny@reddit

Honestly, if you think you are stupid, you probably aren't. I've found the least intelligent people often consider themselves to be the smartest so the fact that you are humble and self-doubting is definitely a sign you are smarter than you think.

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Decent-Presence-1637@reddit

You are assuming everybody else finds it easy.

They don’t. Go easy on yourself.

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pokeguy1997@reddit

I am in the exact same situation as you ever since childhood . Currently awaiting an autism assessment as this has effected my life in an extremely bad way as an adult.

As above, I have brain fog and has been getting worse ever since as I am approaching 30.

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InsaneInTheRAMdrain@reddit

I am you, you are me. People hide it better. You notice it affecting you because you are you.

Seriously, people are idiots, we all are, we make mistakes, lie about our capabilities, and doubt ourselves.

You still finished your tasks, you do make it to the end. Many people dont. So stop being so hard on yourself.

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Marshmallowmind2@reddit

Read this book please! I've started on a journey myself after years of lack of confidence, anxiety. You need to change your self identity. Who you think you are. I'm starting on this journey. I've started doing positive visualisation meditation where I visualise myself as super happy, confident person in set situations. I FEEL that happiness, confidence and believe it. You carry that feeling then with you. Via neuroplasticity your mind will change and your self identity will change.

https://bulletpointreading.com/2021/10/11/psycho-cybernetics-by-maxwell-maltz/

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turkishhousefan@reddit

A) You might be neurodivergent.
2) This level of self awareness probably already makes you more "valuable" than a huge chunk of the workforce, or at least far less insufferable.

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deathbladev@reddit

The fact that you can rationally acknowledge all these supposed flaws points to the fact that you are smarter than you think

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FishUK_Harp@reddit

It sounds a lot like ADHD. I was only diagnosed in my 30s, but my teens and twenties felt exactly as you've described.

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Charming-Permit-7437@reddit

This is the one OP - welcome to the club.

The secret is, we're all slow until a last minute deadline.

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Blazured@reddit

Yeah that's what I was thinking. They have a uni degree so they're smarter than they think. The rest sounds like ADHD.

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vikatoyah@reddit

Came here to say this too.

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ShyDemi@reddit

My sister felt like this their whole life and it turns out it was ADHD

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Content_Seesaw8541@reddit

This. Delayed processing

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becooldocrime@reddit

Lots of people are stupid, and it’s not a character flaw. If you’re a decent and hardworking person, people in your professional and personal life will generally think of you like that, rather than focusing on the things you can’t do.

I appreciate it’s frustrating, but there’s always something. I’m naturally smart, but not even remotely creative, and that’s the one thing I actually want to be. We all get a rough deal somewhere, I bet you have a ton of skills others would love to have.

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SpaTowner@reddit

Why are you asking UK when you apparently live in Eastern Europe?

Are you from the UK originally, is the problem an incomplete understanding of the language where you are?

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jend000@reddit

Have you had an ADHD test? Lots of ADHD kids grow up believing they’re dumb or broken when they’re just different. A few of the things like the board game rules stood out to me. I bet you can’t process when someone explains but only pick it up when you start playing?

Be good to yourself. Sounds like you’re doing good. Different is not bad.

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Prestigious-Slide-73@reddit

Look up learned helplessness.

I think I suffer this too. A couple of bad experiences with board games or quick thinking tasks and now I instantly think I’ll be bad before I’ve even tried and usually panic about underperforming than actually tackling the task.

It’s a repeatable study that shows past experiences can make you perform worse cognitively because you have a deep-seated belief that effort is futile.

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Wishmaster891@reddit

C’s are bad?

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NoNectarine97@reddit (OP)

They aren’t , but I put in so much hours of revision, just to get all Cs in everything.

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QuickWalk4862@reddit

The term ‘everyone is human’ comes to mind. We are all learning things, some at different paces. There is no way you are dumb you got your GCSE’s and got to Uni! I was predicted to fail math at school but my parents got me a tutor who actually explained things differently to me and I got a C. All the teachers were shocked and really happy for me (I was at a girls school where we were pushed to go to Oxford or Cambridge) but that was never going to be me. I’m not smart at all, but I’ve had a job since leaving school and managed to purchase my own house and I’m happy 😊

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b0bscene@reddit

It took me 32 years to realise I'm a slow learner.

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bonjajr@reddit

Could be autism, have you been checked for this?

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Opposite_Radio9388@reddit

More like ADHD than autism in my opinion.

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Jung-And-A-Menace@reddit

I'm autistic and I find it very relatable, though a friend of mine said there's a good chance I'm AuDHD. The two are often co-morbid.

Funnily enough, I was diagnosed with autism as a child and they were diagnosed with ADHD as a child; they recently got an autism diagnoses, in their 30s, and I'm still looking into an ADHD assessment. But we have a lot of habits, traits, and thought processes in common.

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SpaTowner@reddit

Can you give some examples of small tasks you can’t do, and what seems difficult about them?

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languid_Disaster@reddit

You’re not dumb and you do not need to feel bad about yourself. You still achieved those things. Perhaps it does take you longer to process information than some of your peers but you still get it done in the end. There are many people who process information much slower but don’t or aren’t able to manage their academics and job around that trait of theirs.

Genuinely, you should feel good about yourself. You are who you are and that is unlikely to change, so stop seeing yourself as dumb. Everyone had different needs , different speeds. What matters is that we all push and get to the same destination either way.

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FatJamesIsBack@reddit

The fact you've been able to identify the things you find difficult shows you're clearly not dumb.

I'm not a medical professional, but it sounds much more like these things don't hold your attention. But I bet there are things that do.

Btw - taking time to grasp information is really not a bad thing. There are people who wouldn't be able to grasp it at all. There are also lots and lots of liars who pretend to understand when they don't.

See if you can get some reasonable adjustments made at work. Management should be happier with an employee being proactive and getting measures in place so you can do your job.

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sleepyprojectionist@reddit

You have accomplished more academically than a good portion of the British population and you are at least aware of your (perceived) shortcomings.

Not everyone has that self-awareness. That’s why the saying is “ignorance is bliss”.

It sounds to me like you are putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to live up to some standard that actually dumb people wouldn’t give a hoot about.

Or it’s entirely possible that you have ADHD.

I have a couple of mates who are very smart, but they either have absolutely zero focus or are so hyper focused on one thing that nothing ever gets done. It took them a while to get diagnosed as adults, but they seem to be in a better place.

TL;DR: Be kind to yourself, and maybe go see a doctor if you are genuinely concerned.

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Puzzleheaded-Web1519@reddit

Why are you referring to yourself as dumb? Has this been instilled into you from an early age. I am sure that the millions of us without GCSE’s do not class each other as dumb. I have been reading about brain fog. Perhaps your gut microbiome could be out of sync. Have a read of Zoe.com and chucklinggoat.co.uk. Believe in yourself and best wishes for your future.

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Cheese_Dinosaur@reddit

In my opinion academia and intelligence are separate things. I consider myself to be fairly intelligent but I’m not academic, I couldn’t write an essay to save my life. Whereas my friend is incredible at cramming information into her head and passing exams and writing essays, but her basically grasp of stuff is, um, ‘lacking’. 🫣 Try not to worry, don’t measure yourself by others and realise that we are all just different 🩷

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SmolFoxxo@reddit

I felt the same. Excelled in random places like art, English, suck at maths. Have a degree, senior position at work, but still feel stupid. Hard to concentrate, even on things I want to do like hobbies. Currently getting an ADHD assessment.

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notfromanywhere234@reddit

Don't let anyone make you believe that you are dumb, especially since you are definitely trying to improve. You just need to understand how your brain effectively acquires and retains information.

I'll give you an example: I was always weak at maths, as long as I can remember and only very recently due to my professional obligation I was forced to pick up maths again, ChatGPT has been the only "teacher" able to explain it to me and it clicked. The problem is that schools or even professional environments usually only follow one single, prescribed way of learning things and if you don't ft that learning style, you are be definition not bright enough. Try to find your own learning style and understand better how your own brain operates and you will manage it just find.

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GhostCanyon@reddit

Please don’t be so hard on yourself. You likely just have a different way of processing information than other people. There are lots of different learning types and yours might be one that doesn’t fell that well with the job you have that’s it

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AromaticVacation3077@reddit

But you DID pass your GCSEs, you DID graduate from uni, and you DID get the job in tech. You're smashing it. Be proud.

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chill-manoeuver@reddit

Think more ocd and you will limit your mistakes or misJakes

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Andries89@reddit

The matrix must have glitched again as you're exactly like me my friend. I sometimes cry and breakdown when I'm on my own over it even that's how angry and ashamed I am over being like that. Wasted potential syndrome I guess

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TranslatorCritical11@reddit

You aren’t dumb. You just learn through a different method.

Don’t do yourself a disservice and please accept yourself for the wonderful person you are. :)

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smellyfeet25@reddit

I agree

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smellyfeet25@reddit

You are way too hard on yourself.Not everyone gets Cs and Gets to university.You make mistakes at work ha well most people do.You are human.Practice can help

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neo101b@reddit

As others have said you have adhd, I left school with hardly no gcse.
Though I did go college, had tons of gnvq and my degree in Pharmacology took 6 years to complete.
Not because it was hard, I just couldn't sit down and do the work.

I make the simplest mistakes too, not because I'm stupid, I'm far from it.
It all comes down to concentration and motivation, which is executive function related.
Which is all ADHD.

Your not stupid either, best thing to do is go to the doctor and explain the situation.

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Rekyht@reddit

I’m just going to raise my head above the parapet to point out that not everyone that has dumb moments is autistic or has ADHD, Redditors.

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Fit-Bedroom-7645@reddit

Firstly, everyone's different. Secondly, is it possible you've got an undiagnosed something that might be the cause? Certain conditions might mean that you get distracted easier, or struggle to learn things in the traditional way. Things like ADHD, ASD, dyslexia, can impact concentration and learning. Friend of mine didn't find out he was autistic till his 40's and that was only because his kid got diagnosed and it has a hereditary tendancy.

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unknowntoff@reddit

You have ADHD

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Rekyht@reddit

Let’s not diagnose people on the internet with no expertise, yeah?

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PsychologicalRise368@reddit

Or shit at his job,

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Educational_Sound188@reddit

Education and work are built on groupism, not individualism. Don't let the former define your success. Those who embrace the latter become leaders but loners, logically.

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Rich-Peak-3902@reddit

Everyone is born stupid, there's nothing wrong with that; everything is a learned skill, including cognition. Do you actively try to improve your intellect? Do you challenge your brain in meaningful ways every day? Learn a language, play an instrument, do mathematical puzzles, solve logic riddles, read (a lot); these are the things that will make your brain function better. The variety is important, different tasks stretch and develop the brain in different ways. They will all be hard at first, and may stay hard for a while, but the more you do them, the better your brain will function and the more you'll notice how much easier cognitive tasks become.

You don't get smart by knowing stuff, you get smart by doing stuff, by regularly exercising your brain. Not exercising your brain and lamenting that you're dumb is the same as not exercising your body and lamenting that you're weak. And for what it's worth, you aren't "dumb", your mind is just untrained; but you can definitely train it.

P.S. Eat a healthy varied diet and exercise. A healthy body leads to a healthy mind.

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BeatificBanana@reddit

Been checked for adhd?

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Upstairs_Yogurt_5208@reddit

You passed your GCSEs, went to Uni, and you have a job that requires a decent level of intelligence so you are far from dumb. So what of it takes you a bit longer to grasp things. The important thing is that you manage to understand them regardless of the time it takes you. What’s common sense to one person isn’t always the case with others. I’m a heating engineer and I learn better by completing a task with my hands than I do by reading about something. I’ve met doctors who are clearly intelligent enough to do their job but they don’t have a clue about how a heating system works. That doesn’t make them dumb, it just means that they don’t know about my job just as much as I don’t know about their job. Don’t be so hard on yourself mate and just accept that you have a different way of getting things done.

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Sea-Upstairs-2837@reddit

i feel like this! does instructions being written down help at all? verbally, for me, info goes in one ear and out the other and i have suspected ADHD. basically i get so overwhelmed with all the other things on my mind that it makes it difficult to know what to do and the ‘obvious’ stuff is never obvious to me.

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IdiotBearPinkEdition@reddit

This post could have been written by me.

You're definitely not stupid, but, like me, you might have some sort of health issue that slows down or inhibits concentration, potentially neurodivergence or something physical

I have horrifically bad circulation and at times, I don't get enough oxygen and then everything is hard to process, even people talking to me. Could it be that?

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