How to overcome first day job jitters?
Posted by Funny-Dog-2353@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 22 comments
I've been out of work for over a year due to volunteering for redundancy (workplace bullying and total exhaustion from work and private life going to pieces). I took this time to try and help myself however I'm still incredibly burnout and cannot control my anxiety (if anything it's gotten worse over the time off).
I wanted to get a lower stress and successfully got a fully remote admin role for min wage (taking a £25k pay cut). However I am absolutely petrified to start. When I think about having to talk to people I actually shake.
Has anyone had the same and managed to overcome fear? There's also some guilt and shame about taking such a paycut and role in my 30's.
My absolute fear is being in the same situation I found myself before.
QSBW97@reddit
So I just took a new job last week, I wasn't nervous at all, but I've spent the week convincing myself I'd made a mistake and wanted to move back to my old role. They didn't give me any work all week, and I was getting worried, then someone told me they won't have work for me until 4-6 months time.
I'm now getting paid a significant amount of money (50k+) to sit at home 3 days a week, and do some training 2 days a week in the office. To be honest, I'm struggling with the idea of sitting around not doing anything, and still considering a move back to my old position because I've got constant anxiety I'm doing something "wrong" by not working. Anxiety is a weird thing, but you'll be fine in the long term!
Fun-Barnacle1332@reddit
The thing with anxiety is avoidance makes it worse. You’ve taught your brain to be afraid of something (not on purpose of course but that doesn’t matter to the brain).
But… exposure really does work. You can train your brain to understand that you aren’t under threat. Also really working on hearing / seeing the thoughts going through your mind will help a lot too. You aren’t the voice in your head that is giving you negative feedback and creating anxiety. For me, when I was at my worst, my thoughts were constantly looping negatively and it wasn’t until I broke that cycle that I started to feel better.
My experience - I had a breakdown at 27 and another at 30. 30 was worse, I kept working through it but it was a year of hell and another year of not really feeling any joy/happiness. But it got better over time. Meditation helps me the most to get through difficult things without falling on bad coping mechanisms. I haven’t really had a panic attack now for years (I’m 41 now for info).
I also took a step back last year from a higher payband role into a lower one because I wasn’t happy with the pressure and stress of the higher one. I too felt some shame but I feel a lot better now (it’s been around 8 months).
Most of the things we worry about never come to happen. You’ve been through the worst already, you’d be very unlucky to fall into the same crap environment again. Consider if the voice in your head is constantly reinforcing that fear, that might be the source of your anxieties.
Chopsticks_Charlie@reddit
Big fat spliff
Atomicherrybomb@reddit
Unless, like me, that would give you even more horrendous anxiety. Maybe have a few shots instead.
Chopsticks_Charlie@reddit
Couldn't imagine getting bevved up tbf
j1mb0b@reddit
That's why you nerd some coke as well so you don't feel too pissed. What could go wrong?
Chopsticks_Charlie@reddit
If I were a drinker I'd 100% counteract with some sniff/amphetamines. If I'm a lil bit tired I shoot up some monkey dust which helps me out thru the day
Zygoneskies@reddit
Stress is normal, and natural. Even though fully remote try to dress and groom well and stay well hydrated, you’ll smash it dw.
Loud_Fisherman_5878@reddit
I was in a similar boat. Got bullied out of my job and my confidence was in tatters. I was terrified when starting my new job but quickly settled in and was reminded that most managers AREN’T evil dickheads (and if you didn’t get that vibe from them in your interview then chances are your new manager isn’t one either) and also that I do have a brain and can do a decent job. I am sure you will be the same and you will do really well. It is hard when a previous job traumatises you but your confidence will pick up again as you get back into it.
Glittering-Knee9595@reddit
Build relationships. That’s the focus at the start and will help with anxiety and fear.
Whist remote iobs are great they can be bad for anxiety cos you don’t get the real in person, in building cues that your body needs to feel safe.
So you will have to work a little harder to get this if remote.
Arrange one to one catch ups with colleagues and just reach out for a little chat, even if it’s feels hard.
I am in a new ish job and was feeling anxious yesterday wfh and messaged a colleague for a five min chat (I jus made up some question) and then we chatted for an hour about this and that and I felt much less anxious after that!
Also utilise the first day!! Ask loads of questions and whatever you do, do not be afraid to ask anything.
I would also be inclined to own and be proud of the life reset/ everything falling apart thing, people can generally relate to things like that more than you think.
If you managed to survive from the absolute trenches and get a new job, that’s pretty epic tbh. Own that and own the fact you’ve been out of work for a year, make it humurous , ‘I’ve bene out of work a year, I’ve forgotten how to write my name!’. People love that and will be kind to you.
M
surruss@reddit
Freelance here. I get two or three new jobs a year and always have jitters on day 1. You just have to hit your first day head on and from there it gets easier. Like someone said above you were chosen for a reason so keep your head high. You’ve got this, good luck!
geesegoosegeesegoose@reddit
I get it. I was out of work for a while due to mental health. On the first few days of my new job, I was near tears and I wanted to walk out and quit. My rational brain knew I was being irrational and I made myself stick it out at least a couple of weeks. Now I've been there about 7 months and already planning around being there into next summer at least. You've just gotta do it, there's no real easy way around it other than just showing up and forcing yourself through, as unpleasant as it is. There's a reason you got this job, so just think about all the positives.
L-0-T-H-0-S@reddit
Your problem is you're interpreting a physiological reaction as a negative thing, when actually it's a thing nature bread into us to allow us to cope with fight-or-flight situations. The shakes are down to adrenaline and cortisol - the thing is you also get the exact same physiological reaction to excitement which your fearing as a response to stress.
The minute you feel this way try a quick set of jumping jacks or "shaking out" your entire body - it sounds daft I know, but what the adrenaline is for is to make your body's muscles ready for flight-or-fight and, if it isn't burned up by physical excretion - it manifests as shakes. So, burn it off. Deep breathing - in through the nose, hold out through the mouth signals your brain that you are safe, reducing the production of more adrenaline.
Once you realise you're actually in control of that, the rest becomes much easier.
BillyJoeDubuluw@reddit
Firstly, you’re not alone.
There is a broader trend of people accepting lower paid remote roles, so don’t feel guilt or shame because it’s actually an increasingly common move.
In terms of balancing your actual anxiety and its symptoms, you’re well placed with a remote job role in terms of being able to avoid physical workplace attacks and such, so my advice would be to work on your overall wellbeing and balance of lifestyle… Do try to avoid “not going out” and make sure you’re accessing the outdoors etc. but ultimately give yourself a little bit of breathing space, you’re recovering from a traumatic situation and there are lots of other people out there in the same boat.
Annual-Individual-9@reddit
Most people feel nervous before starting a new job but your reaction is quite extreme if you're actually shaking at the thought of it. Can I ask if you're doing anything to treat your anxiety? You don't have to answer that, but it sounds like you need to address that if possible, so maybe think about it.
Otherwise, please try not to feel guilt/shame. You should be proud of yourself, it's not easy being sucessful with job hunting these days. They chose you, they want you, that's great! They are probably really excited about you starting, there is nothing to be scared of.
The first few days will always be weird but before you know it, this scary 'new job' will be your boring day to day routine and you'll wonder why you were ever worried about it. So, deep breaths, maybe a bit of yoga/meditation before you start. Good luck, you can do it!!
Andries89@reddit
Give yourself positive encouragement "they've given you the job" "you're the shit" "they will be so happy you're coming in to help" etc...
hunsnet457@reddit
You get over the first fear days by getting over your first day!
Sounds like you made the very smart decision to value your mental health over some money. If someone offered you 25K to deal with how you felt for a whole year, would you say yes? Doubt it.
And it’s going to be pretty hard for this new job to be the same as the last because you already have all the experience of the last, that will allow you to react differently and protect your health if needed, if you ask me i’d be impossible for things to go the same way now you’ve got that in your back pocket.
If your job has an EAP I recommend using your support sessions to help you navigate your first few weeks, that’s exactly what it’s there for! 😊
SnapDragonZeta@reddit
Anxiety is an absolute beast, I am sorry you're feeling this way. I have suffered with anxiety for my whole life, and have been in therapy for it for 6 years now; it's totally changed who I am and how I manage my thoughts and behaviours. If in the future you're able to access therapy, I recommend taking the opportunity - even if things settle, it's good to build that toolkit for when life does throw its hurdles.
For right now, I recommend being compassionate to yourself. We are animals, and we developed anxiety to help us survive; our brains still do that, even in situations where its not needed, like now. Everyone is new to the job at some point, and you will (I hope) be supported in your start! No one is expecting you to know everything, and no one will be upset if you ask questions. On your first day, make sure to have planned out your lunch and dinner that day out in advance - something you love and something to look forward to. Celebrate that you're being brave, that you got through the first day. From there, every new thing you learn can be used to build a future you want.
There will be bad days, but there will also be good days. All we can do on this planet is try, and the fact you're trying is something to be proud of. I am rooting for you, and wish you only the best on your first day and beyond x
Telematic-aardvark@reddit
Professional support is usually the first port of call for this kind of thing. I was having a rough time with my mental health 18 months ago, tried counselling which didn't help and then a blood test at the doctors revealed severely low B12. I now take regular injections which improved my mood drastically. Not saying medication is the answer for you but it's well worth chatting to your GP to understand what support they can provide. Be it medical support, or just referrals to things like talking therapies and resources on handling anxiety
As for actual practical advice, a lot of anxiety results from imagined situations. Our brains overwork, manufacturing all kinds of things that could happen or go wrong. It can help to ground yourself, look at the things you're thinking and ask how realistic they actually are. As an example, if you have anxiety about starting a new job and talking to people, think about what that will actually look like. What is the absolute worst that could happen, then consider how poeppe start new jobs all the time and it goes fine. I tend to take the view that as long as nobody gets hurt most things are fixable and in 99% of cases the things we worry about don't even happen in the first place
As for judging yourself for taking a paycut in your 30s, don't stick arbitrary labels on yourself. There's nothing that says you can't pivot careers, take a paycut and move to a job that makes you happy, or move away from stress. As an adult you have the freedom to do what you want
It's not exactly useful advice, but if you do basically nothing, everything will still be okay. First day nerves are normal. But if there's something major getting to you, consider reaching out to whoever you feel would help most
Key_Plum_99a@reddit
I changed job after a long time with same employer, and I had a conversation with my new boss about feeling nervous. You could always ask about starting at lunchtime in the first day (paid half a day) to help with this? Alternatively you could ask about going into the office ahead of start date to get the talking thing over with in advance?
oscarx-ray@reddit
Why are you jittery? The job market is *brutal* right now, and they chose you. Whatever you have to offer is what they want - and you showed that beyond A LOT of other applicants for the same role. They need you and what you can do for them.
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