What to bring to dinner at Indian family’ house (don’t want to assume alcohol)?

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when_music_hits@reddit

Yourself! Aunty will have food sorted

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MrHotfootJackson@reddit

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the banging gang of aunties who 45 years ago took my ma under their wing and taught her how to cook the best damn samosas and curries.

The only time I've had better samosas was from the literal boss level auntie who used to run the local corner shop. Granted she'd always short change you, but it was worth it, they were truly the food of the Gods. She was an "immense" woman in every sense of the word 😆

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EntrepreneurAway419@reddit

Banging gangs, what an interesting hobby

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Educational_Worth906@reddit

Yeah, I misread that first time.

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when_music_hits@reddit

Respect due. I've wandered a fair bit and only ever had such a level of care and inclusion from extended adoptive family in rural jamaica

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surruss@reddit

Oh man. I was lucky enough to work in Kingston for three months. Jamaicans are truly angels in this world. I’ve never met a community so easily willing to give you the clothes off their back

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when_music_hits@reddit

Different world isn't it. I've never felt so unconditionally welcomed into a family, ever...before or since. Been to Kingston a few times and unsurprisingly I was glad I was initially with my foster brother and his uncle who looked after us and then me each time when my brother journeyed on

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surruss@reddit

You summed that perfectly ❤️. I’ve got no roots that I know of in Jamaica (I’m Irish / Sri Lankan heritage) but feel so beyond peaceful when I’m there. Really hoping to get back soon! Hope you can do the same

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when_music_hits@reddit

Thank you, sadly enough the area worst hit by the storms is where the majority of my family hailed from, westmoreland, I should be helping but financially I'm a mess at the mo, have been for nearly two years otherwise I'd happily have gone back to do what i can to help(and probably still be there!)

I've been meaning to go to Sri Lanka for years, my dentist was such a lovely example of a person that she even invited me to her and her husbands home, a beautiful person that captivated my travel bug and opened my eyes to life there, and the realities, aswell as the attractions. I'll get there one day!

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oneletter2shor@reddit

Auntie gonna be sending O.P. home with Tupperware of left overs !

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Ricky_Martins_Vagina@reddit

Auntie gonna be sending regular tuppaware deliveries of surplus food on a weekly basis 😂

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Vequihellin@reddit

Our team has an Auntie like this at work. She brings spring rolls and Samosas and occasionally sends us home with boxes of food. She's always feeding us. ❤️

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when_music_hits@reddit

I can't even go to my friends place for ten minutes without his mum making sure I've eaten entirely too much food whilst hs dad gives me education on finances and compartmentalising of india. Last time she even gave me a bag of white stringy stuff a bit like a thin pasta used for thickening up sauces

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StreetReality2384@reddit

Vermicelli noodles? Sounds like it's for a dessert called savaya

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when_music_hits@reddit

More like rice noodles, and the smallest amount of it( it's really hard to cut) makes even the most runny of liquids set like a custard under heat for around 20 minutes...I can never get the consistency right even after the skilled guidance of aunty...so it stays in the cupboard for whenever I'm brave/have forgotten how quick I can mess up a meal with.

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PsychologicalAd2013@reddit

Is it agar agar?

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when_music_hits@reddit

Not sure offhand, I only know agar as the jelly that goes in petri dishes? I'll ask the question when the opportunity arises

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Wise_Huckleberry_116@reddit

We use agar agar powder in the Asian community to act as vegetarian/vegan gelatin but never seen it in it's unground form!

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when_music_hits@reddit

It's possible then, my friends close family is a vegan household, I didn't realise until today that it would inspire so much interest otherwise I'd have asked. What stays with me is that something so flimsy looking like a nest of rice noodles can be so difficult to cut, and how careful you have to be with doses before it conceals so firmly.

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nicskoll@reddit

I need this in my life; when you find out what it's called, please let us know

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when_music_hits@reddit

Will do, my pal is wandering teaching permaculture but when I hear he's back, I'll let you know

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nicskoll@reddit

Thank you so much

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oneletter2shor@reddit

Love It 😂

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Return_Cultural@reddit

Explain 'Aunty' please.

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surruss@reddit

Auntie is an affectionate term to describe an older woman who’s not necessarily family but a motherly figure. Quite often used in black / south Asian communities

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Palealedad@reddit

I'm white British working class, and it was very common when I was a kid (70s-80s) for adult women that weren't relatives to be referred to as "Aunty."

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phatboi23@reddit

yup, Uncle for the blokes your dad is mates with, auntie for the women you mum is friends with.

this was growing up in the 90's in the midlands and me and my family are white as fuck.

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Return_Cultural@reddit

I guess we have uncle, referring to a good friend of Dad or whatnot.

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Limp-Boysenberry1583@reddit

All my parent's friends were aunties and uncles. Although they were called by their name too, like Aunty Barbara for example rather than just Aunty.

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Guilty-Vermicelli320@reddit

East Asian too

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sookietea@reddit

And indeed many an African nation. I love it now but I still remember the first time I was Aunty-ed. Felt like I’d aged a decade in that one word.

In answer to original question, yes don’t assume alcohol - whilst many Indian’s do drink, plenty don’t. You’ll be able to gauge the situation for next time. Or if you’re next door - you can always something like I forgot I had a lovely wine for you too and pop back. But flowers and chocolates will always go down well. Particularly fancy chocolates - don’t be surprised if they don’t open them but store them to show off to relatives/ re-gift. And as others have stated, you will be fed to the brim and be sent off with leftovers. Generally polite to refuse the first time and then when they insist, definitely take it.

Should say, I’m second generation Indian and this is based on how my parents behave any time guests visit. My white husband has learnt he almost has to be rude to stop them feeding him anymore.

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surruss@reddit

Apologies. East Asian too!!

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Crittsy@reddit

And Chinese

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ShaftManlike@reddit

You refer to every Asian woman of a certain age as aunty as a combination of familiarity and respect.

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InkedDoll1@reddit

My colleague, who is of Pakistani heritage, recently came back to the office from an uncomfortable encounter with a patient (she basically started sizing him up for a family marriage as soon as she laid eyes on him) and still referred to her as an auntie.

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when_music_hits@reddit

My possibly wrong interpretation is that within the context of this sub...aunty is the kingpin that holds the extended family together, a figure of respect, community and care...and food, oh so much food

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surruss@reddit

Never get between an auntie and food prep. They’re in a flow state like an F1 driver.

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oneletter2shor@reddit

My mates mum and grandma use to sit their peeling and chopping onions for an eternity, their Currys were the best

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PPK_30@reddit

Flowers are appreciated universally I think

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ResponsibilityOld372@reddit

Chinese don't care much for flowers or alcohol. Bring fruit.

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acidic_tab@reddit

I don't know if I agree, every Chinese person I've given flowers to has been incredibly happy to receive them. My mother in law even cried when I brought her flowers the first time, she was so excited to try and find a vase for them. Two weeks later the flowers were on the edge of death, but I did notice my father in law had actually made a painting of them (he was really into painting at the time). It seems uncommon, but definitely not unappreciated.

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ElusiveCrab@reddit

Good things its not a chinese family then!

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ResponsibilityOld372@reddit

I was responding more to the Flowers is universal comment, geez.

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Matchaparrot@reddit

It's because you said the family is Chinese when OP has said the family is Indian

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quartz8888@reddit

It's obvious what you were responding to. Not all cultures universally appreciate flowers. That's a fair statement to make. l think some people just don't read comments properly.

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ElusiveCrab@reddit

It was just a lighthearted jab it really isnt that deep

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quartz8888@reddit

Fair enough. Hope you have a good one 👍

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Extra_Actuary8244@reddit

Most Chinese people drink, have you ever been to china

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Commander_Syphilis@reddit

Also I'd challenge you on the most don't drink part.

There's a reason Tsingtao is the Elixer of the gods

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NSc100@reddit

It’s lucky OP said Indian and not Chinese then isnt it?

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georgejk7@reddit

🤣🤣🤣

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astronemma@reddit

Unless they have a cat

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Fried-Friend@reddit

The sweetest things you can imagine, don't lean in - they already know the good spots, turn up with krisme kremes or the like

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MrStilton@reddit

Can you make tablet?

If so, in my experience most people appreciated homemade tablet.

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MoodyMango4880@reddit

I would say chocolate, posh biscuits or flowers. Not all Indians drink alcohol and some are vegetarian. In Indian culture vegetarian often means you don’t eat eggs so some desserts will be ruled out for this reason.

Also be prepared to have a bag of leftovers given to you to take home.

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Sea-Still5427@reddit

Not an expert or Indian, but even in Britain some people consider it bad manners to bring food or drink unless it's agreed in advance as it can be taken to imply that they're a poor host. If you don't like to arrive empty-handed, avoid anything that creates extra work, so a tied bouquet of flowers that can go straight in a vase, or a small box of good-quality after-dinner type chocolates.

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Bgtobgfu@reddit

I’m a bit like that. Like I appreciate the gesture, but everything is sorted I don’t need an extra tiramisu thanks.

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InternationalRide5@reddit

I always need an extra tiramisu. That's breakfast sorted.

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Bgtobgfu@reddit

Hahaha fair point

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RepressedRebel69@reddit

Chocolates would be a safe option.

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lsukge2@reddit

Ferrero Rocher at that. Gold standard for middle aged brown people. Or Lindt if they're on the younger side.

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VerbingNoun413@reddit

In a big triangular pile.

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dmmjrb@reddit

Eccellenté

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Character-Release338@reddit

Yes I commented same thing below! Ferrero rocher is 100% the right choice.

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dinkymajesty@reddit

😂 ferrero rocher is the one 😂 they don’t even to have been born in India for this to be a universally accepted gold standard

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SapphicStoner99@reddit

My baby dad is South Asian and it's quite likely are will have spent a lot time time preparing food, there is a good chance that the family will eat with their hand, thought it's unlikely they will expect you to. Honestly you're probably about to eat the best food of your life. I hope you have a decent spice tolerance, though in my experience they tend to reduce the spice a bit when cooking for white people. I always found home baked sweet things go down well! Also, I'm so jealous, I would love to live next door to an Indian family who invited me for dinner.

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TheLittleChikk@reddit

Well if it's a curry with naan/roti for dinner, then yes they would eat with their hands for that meal and expect OP to do the same.

If it's Biryani/pulao in then they will probably use cutlery. I'm brown, and my mum eats rice with her hand at home but with guests over she will use a spoon.

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SapphicStoner99@reddit

My Sri Lankan family will always eat with hands but put cutlery out, as I have found with some Indian and Mauritian friends. I tried to learn to eat with my hands. There's quite a skill to eating curry and rice with your fingers without making a huge mess and I can't say I'm that great 🥲

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TheLittleChikk@reddit

It's definitely a test of manual dexterity!

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kmp633@reddit

My boyfriend lives next door to a Pakistani family, and another over the road. He regularly gets packages of food delivered, I think it started when he helped out with odd jobs - fixing a fence panel, one of the kids bikes etc. But the ladies clearly don't believe he can't feed himself as a "single" (we don't live together) man. I am entirely fine with it. The Samosas and biryani are incredible.

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DeapVally@reddit

Flowers.... A nice pot plant. Not food though. There will be enough of that.

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DrMoneybeard@reddit

Yep I usually got for a small pot plant instead of a bouquet.

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Cod_Proper@reddit

Oh maybe some fruit! Like a fruit platter: watermelon, pineapple, kiwi etc

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Positive-Clerk-9441@reddit

Nothing. Best choice. Just visit.

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Alarmed_Lunch3215@reddit

Most cultures would see this as rude

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Davidthedestroyer_@reddit

Id be happy with chocolates and flowers probably lol. I wouldn't try to bring Indian sweets id probably find that a bit extra and id be scared youd bring the shit ones

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when_music_hits@reddit

The ones with clarified butter (gee/ghee?) I had foisted upon me almost gave me instant diabetes!

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Alarmed_Lunch3215@reddit

Luckily ghee isn’t sugar, so….

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when_music_hits@reddit

Or clarified butter...so all is well...so glad I don't have a sweet tooth

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Davidthedestroyer_@reddit

The instant diabetes is what makes them good

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incredibubblez@reddit

Baklawa from Ambala

They do next day delivery too.

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Alarmed_Lunch3215@reddit

Some I dians aren’t a fan of ambala as the sweets are less traditional Indian and more Pakistani in flavour profile

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snakeoildriller@reddit

You have made my day! It's awful having to wait for "seasonal goods" to arrive in my supermarket. Now I can indulge! 😌

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Nameisnotmine@reddit

Box of chocolates, box of posh biscuits, or Indian sweets if you live in near any Indian sweet shops. 500g mixed box is what you need to ask for

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TheHeianPrincess@reddit

I personally wouldn’t take Indian sweets as they may have their own preferences or favourite shop, so I’d be scared of bringing crap ones 😅

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zorba-9@reddit

Cobra beer is what Indians get, and it goes well with the food.

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Character-Release338@reddit

Box of Ferrero Rochers if the budget stretches to it. We love that shit. Trust me. Even if it turns out one of them is allergic to nuts or whatever, they can always regift.

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BoringGazelle1654@reddit

Maybe some homemade cookies if you know how to make some. If not then some good quality store bought ones are great.

Charlie’s store ( coed y Dinas) also has some delicious frozen cookie batter that you can just pop in the oven for 7-8minutes and they’re done ❤️ I hope you have a good time!

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astronemma@reddit

For people saying flowers, please be aware that’s not a good option for anyone with cats! They can be irritating for them at best, but deadly toxic at worst (eg lilies).

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un-certain@reddit

Empty tupperwares

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BillyJoeDubuluw@reddit

Nice flowers and some quality petit four or similar (ideally Halal to be on the safe side) will do the job just nicely.

India is a very diverse country and so until you’re more familiar with the family play it safe with an uncomplicated gift.

My Grandmother is Indian and Catholic, but if you haven’t got as far as to know the families faith group then the above works nicely.

*I wouldn’t take a foods that demands to be followed on from or incorporated in to meal, all Indians regardless of faith are culturally united in insisting on feeding you when you’re invited in to their home - not the other way around.

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SnooDonuts6494@reddit

Flowers.

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minisaxophone@reddit

Flowers and some nice M&S biscuits will never be wrong

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ADeliciousRest@reddit

Their chocolate covered custard creams are unreal.

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LittleSadRufus@reddit

If it's a gift, I'd ditch the flowers and buy the selection box of Very Chocolatey Biscuits from m&S. Each one is its own delight

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Treble_brewing@reddit

Lidl have cloned these (and the bourbons) and they’re banging. And half the price.

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ADeliciousRest@reddit

Cheers for the info I'll absolutely be checking them out

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Apochuman@reddit

I second this!!

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nonsequitur__@reddit

Flowers or a housewarming plant are a safe bet.

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ResidentUseful5722@reddit

Whatever, please don’t go empty handed. I invited several people over (before the kids arrived), just to make friends in the UK, all of them arrived empty handed with the theory that ‘we dint know what’s acceptable in your culture’, yeah right! Booze is always a win with me but flowers and a box of chocs are safe bets.

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TruffleMaestro@reddit (OP)

Going empty handed wasn't even considered, I would never do it and I have never done it

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Maxi-Moo-Moo@reddit

A nice pot plant or evergreen.

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Helpful-Yak-9481@reddit

Steaks

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VerbingNoun413@reddit

!dick

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TheNotSpecialOne@reddit

Asian sweets. Get some gulab jaman, I love those

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Dry_Ratio3658@reddit

Chocolates will suffice for both the parents and their child

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Coconutpieplates@reddit

I'd do flowers and a couple of bottles of fancy elderflower presse.

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wetkittentemptation@reddit

chocolates or desserts are safe choices

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Organic-Path-8961@reddit

A couple bottle of Schloer.

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kimba-the-tabby-lion@reddit

Dessert might be very welcome, but you need to ask first - which is quite polite.

Otherwise I would bring something along the lines of a housewarming present, eg a potted plant. Or if you know the house, something they might appreciate but don't even know they need yet.

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Acceptable-Sentence@reddit

OP should rock up with the ice cream in a coconut shell, or if they really want to impress, a punky

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CLWggg@reddit

Haha, Punky ice cream dessert. Haven't thought of those for years!

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Altrincham1970@reddit

Get a cake from M&S

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Ana_Phases@reddit

Chocolates or biscuits. Extra points for making sure they are suitable for vegetarians (the gift, not the neighbours).

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yearsofpractice@reddit

Hey OP. Two things to bring - flowers and also ME! Can I come? I guarantee there will be a mum/auntie/grandma trying to feed me lovely spicy until I burst and then sending me home with Tupperware full of Indian food.

If - and I don’t know WHY - you can take me, then flowers are always the very best option.

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Basic-Pudding-3627@reddit

Get a plant in a pot, Jade or Money plant is good. If you can get one that blooms that would be good too. My parents loved plants.

Are they British or from the sub-continent? Tin of biscuits would be more preferred than chocolates.

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Tayyxb@reddit

Flowers - Appreciated

A household item would be better accompanied with Chocolates, for example a vase to put the flowers in even!

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watermelonicec@reddit

You can bring alcohol, dessert, chocolates or a plant. It honestly depends on what they like.

You will be fed very well, so I would personally go for some kind of food that’s popular in your household- it’s handmade and there would appreciate it!

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Elegant-Mission-4470@reddit

Careful with flowers if they have pets like cats or birds as they can be toxic.

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Chibi_Panda2@reddit

Biscuits or chocolates

And, most importantly, your appetite!

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punkqueen2020@reddit

Please just remember to go there super hungry!!! You will be fed so very very well!

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Some_Floor1581@reddit

Bring flowers, a little box of chocolate and most importantly a huuuge appetite.

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RecommendationDue932@reddit

ambala samosas its nostalgic for every indian household

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Justan0therthrow4way@reddit

Firstly, it’s pretty normal to bring a bottle of wine for dinner. If they don’t drink they’ll give it as a gift to another set of friends.

I’ve personally witnessed my Indian friend demolish a case of beers.

Flowers and M&S biscuits as someone else said are probably the safest option.

I’d highly recommend not eating lunch btw. They’ll be cooking the entire day and maybe the day before. Curry should be eaten the next day to let the flavours blend.

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First-Lengthiness-16@reddit

Try to show you understand their culture. Adopt your very best Indian accent as it will make them feel at home. When you are talking, gently rock your head from side to side.

Flowers could be a good thing.

Are they from India or are they British Indian? If they are migrants then try to invite them round to yours in return, cook them some British food (assuming you are British of course). Sunday Roast usually works well. I’ve done this for Indian, Polish, Romanian and Bangladeshi friends/neighbours over the last 5 or so years and they’ve all appreciated it. They had heard of roasts but never had one.

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Orange and Mango sparkling cordial would go well with Indian food, or a Belvoir Elderflower pressé.

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