ULPT How to subtly disrespect an evil persons funeral (I have to go)
Posted by Low_Mango_6030@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 198 comments
[removed]
vonhoother@reddit
Is there an organization that helps victims of people like him? Wear a ribbon with its colors and bring a stack of donation cards for it.
drunkeymunkey@reddit
Wearing a Domestic Violence awareness ribbon would be fitting and subtle
DuckyDoodleDandy@reddit
This is the winner. It could actually help victims. Adding an award so this will be seen by more people.
vonhoother@reddit
Thank you! But if it actually helps people, is it unethical? I hang my head in shame. I promise to do better, I mean worse, next time.
DuckyDoodleDandy@reddit
It’s not nice to do that at a funeral. That’s the unethical part.
Independent-Yam-6036@reddit
This is an excellent idea.
Standard_Review_4775@reddit
I love this. Hand them out like business cards. Give to everyone, leave a stack in the bathroom too.
glitterbeardwizard@reddit
Look up Victorian flower language. Victorians used to send insult bouquets with flowers meaning different insulting things. For example, Hydrangea and basil would mean you’re heartless and I hate you.
QualityKatie@reddit
Ooh, I like this!
Forsyte@reddit
Particularly if any Victorians are in attendance and understand this hidden language
splattered_cheesewiz@reddit
If Victorians were present I think we would have bigger fish to fry
mtxyz@reddit
Joining a few other suggestions, first offer to her to drive & do something fun. Else, pull out some small Champaign bottles, & say “ at least have a drink with me, that he’s dead”
manalexicon@reddit
This seems like an Abilene Paradox. Where is the pressure on the wife coming from?
As far as UPLT goes: hire a cosplay actor to show up, sit silently and still in the back pew, eyes closed, smiling, while decked out in Banderas/Pitt/Cruise attire-makeup from the movie Interview with a Vampire. If they’re allowed to speak, have them recite the Lords Prayer in Aramaic (lessons on YouTube)
Tweedldum@reddit
Creepy
mtxyz@reddit
Cool. If he’s asked what he said, a weirdly accented? I believe you now call it the Lord’s Prayer.
So a vampire shows up in memorial to him & isn’t hurt by “holy” words
feudal_ferret@reddit
Tell the pastor / officiant EXACTLY what he's done and tell them your uncles victims will be in attendance. So you'd appreciate it if they'd respect the circumstances.
And just with that the sermon changes from "we'll miss and mourn him" to "it's important to find closure for the living".
And to meet the unethical part of this sub: If you think they dont appreciate the seriousness, ask them to no cover his grave until you and several others had a chance to piss in it.
MareV51@reddit
This should be a standard practice.
sir_pepper_esq@reddit
You'll want to bring a piss disc in case they're unamenable that you can frisbee in rq
BusyBullet@reddit
Finally! An appropriate use of a piss disc.
Jmonroe_tenn@reddit
Best piss disc utilization ever!
nonnonplussed73@reddit
Here's another: https://www.reddit.com/r/UnethicalLifeProTips/s/p0bVcrxp7s
Difficult-Skin3408@reddit
Piss disc golf is great practice for real world applications. Like slanging piss disc's into passing car windows. Mail slots. Slightly open windows assholes mouths
Creepy_old_man_in_IL@reddit
Fecal frisbee...
sparklekitteh@reddit
Get yellow flowers, piss on them, then throw the flowers in the grave.
Texan2020katza@reddit
🏆
LJWIII@reddit
Genius insight into how to "find closure for the living."
Ok-Repeat8069@reddit
I’ve directed a graveside service where a family member made this request. My cemetery crew had no problems being told to smoke an extra cigarette before coming over to fill the grave. I had to check my messages, none of us saw a thing.
Tasty-Run8895@reddit
Also let the Pastor know you will be speaking and let Reddit help you write the most passive-aggressive speech ever
emax4@reddit
"It's important to find closure for the living, which is why we changed his decision from a casket to an urn so that the savings can be used toward therapy for those who had to live with him." *(wait for laughter) *
BadBoiBagelBurglar@reddit
This, and just no flowers or niceties at all. Just bare room.
SaskiaDavies@reddit
Champagne in soda/pop-size bottles, arranged all festively in a nice ice bucket. Bring enough for everyone. There are also miniature indoor/smokeless sparklers that can be attached to each bottle with a pretty ribbon. Bring an unscented candle to set next to the bucket if people want to set it off during the service.
alienzippo@reddit
Why subtlety?? When my gross, toxic uncle finally goes im 1000% letting my entire family know why I'm happy he's gone and the reasons for this. He's held our family emotionally hostage for the last 40 years.
Ok_Being_2052@reddit
Spray liquid ass around the room in a small enough quantity it makes every want to leave. Then, in the middle, double up. They will leave.
tree_beard_8675301@reddit
You greet your aunt with a hug and ask her if she wants to leave right now (make an excuse to drive your own vehicle so you two can duck out.) When someone calls or texts to ask where she went, tell them she’s done with him.
Share with your aunt how helpful you have found your therapy journey and that you know their marriage would have been a lot for anyone to handle so you hope that she talks to someone (if you haven’t yet, start, but also I think a little white lie is justified if it helps her feel comfortable going to therapy and hopefully breaking the cycle.) Let her know that you are there for her when she wants to talk about it.
If you see anyone bully her (possibly the folks who pressured her into holding the service) you physically insert yourself between them and tell them “she said no and you need to respect that.” Hold your ground. They will probably say something about you “making a scene” so reply with, “no, you’re the one disrespecting a widow at her husband’s funeral, so you’re in the wrong here. You need to apologize to her. If I see you try it again, we’re going to have a problem.” Maintain eye contact until they look away. Hold onto those feelings of anger and channel them into protecting your aunt.
supertucci@reddit
This person family dramas.....
Seriously cogent advice
typical_mistakes@reddit
Best advice I've heard on family drama: for weddings, funerals, and other events where bizarre behavior is foreseeable but unwelcome, hire professional security. Doesn't need to be much, just someone with tact and clear orders that cannot be circumvented by guilt trips, theatrics, threats, or manipulation. Bonus: nobody steals the wedding gifts.
uncannyvalley@reddit
Geeze I wish I had someone like you around when I delt with my abusive father for a year after my mother passed. You give excellent advice! Youre awesome! 💖
JST_KRZY@reddit
Can I hire you to attend my family functions going forward?
It’ll predominantly be the weddings of my wonderful niblings. I skip everything else already.
yomammaaaaa@reddit
TIL: what siblings are
jr0061006@reddit
A new career. We already have wedding planner, now hiring a toxic family gathering planner!
scentofcitrus@reddit
I love your reply! Tree Beard, you seem like a solid person and good friend. ♥️
HommeMusical@reddit
Very compassionate advice.
The aunt is the one in difficulty here. Nothing else is important. Good job!
essenceofmeaning@reddit
This is the best possible answer
Limitedtugboat@reddit
I would really struggle to restrain the rage and not immediately punch the person in the face.
In this instance, I think I would make the problem just to show everyone else that fuck around and find out isnt just a way of describing what might happen
MET1@reddit
I like the practical approach.
pantygate@reddit
Set an alarm for mid eulogy with inappropriate song on full blast
ColfaxWadsworth@reddit
Ha Ha You’re Dead by Green Day
essieecks@reddit
Another One Bites the Dust
_Internet_Hugs_@reddit
That was the #1 song the day I was born. It WILL be played at my funeral or I will haunt people.
brainhack3r@reddit
20 minutes into the eulogy:
Amonette2012@reddit
Ding dong the witch is dead!
stevenmc@reddit
Or trigger the fire alarm.
KirikoKiama@reddit
Highway to hell?
nakiiwarai@reddit
having conflicted feelings about this because what if you make the poor woman who has to host this stressed that the event she's responsible for turned out to be a disaster
whiteiversawn@reddit
Hire a gay man to cry profusely
sugarbeet13@reddit
This is the winner.
hasanicecrunch@reddit
Omg lol you’re creative af
MishMash999@reddit
If you act up, you won't be harming him - he's dead and gone - you'll be harming his widow.
Is that what you want to do?
Tweedldum@reddit
Or maybe they’ll be giving her relief from all eyes on her when she’s actually relieved the bastard is gone. Maybe she’ll feel some validation for what she went through if everybody remembers him for who he truly was instead of some idealized version of him. Honesty is healing too. If anybody shows up that doesn’t know the truth they should.
MishMash999@reddit
She stuck with him, for whatever reason. All you are doing is insulting her and her choices.
Tweedldum@reddit
You really have no idea. OP already said she was coerced into having a memorial. So even in his absence she’s still being bullied. Women don’t stick with abusers because they want to.
MishMash999@reddit
If she was coerced, she is facing possible repercussions if the event doesn't go well.
The guy is dead. He won't register your protest.
This is more about you than anything or anyone else.
MET1@reddit
Think about it - funerals and memorials are for the living. Consider how behavior could upset some people who cared for him and some people would judge you simply on the behavior without recognizing your motive - there is no reason to upset the people there. The 'victims' ribbons are a good, subtle act of rebellion.
Tweedldum@reddit
You’re on the wrong subreddit dude if you think that anybody come here to not “upset some people”.
MET1@reddit
True.
princesspoundedyam@reddit
If they have a moment for people to get up and talk about him, you could passive aggressively, say something. "My uncle was not known for being a good samaritan, so I'm really glad others still showed up to celebrate him"
BurgerThyme@reddit
"I'm sure he's looking up at all of us right now with regret in his heart."
karenw@reddit
Ooooh, subtle and savage.
eatingganesha@reddit
showed up to celebrate his passing
princesspoundedyam@reddit
BusyBullet@reddit
That’s exactly what I did when I was asked to speak at a well known local writer I knew.
I just declined ans said that my stories about him would not help his reputation or comfort the grieving and left it at that.
Workman44@reddit
You think that's subtle?
CPAPGas@reddit
This could just be repeated in multiple conversations with the same effect.
No need to wait for an audience, they will already be there.
New-IncognitoWindow@reddit
Turn it into a roast.
Pistachio1227@reddit
Be better than he was. Be there for her now that he’s gone. Let her know the reasons. Good luck.
Tweedldum@reddit
Wrong sub dude. Go take that shit somewhere else.
Pistachio1227@reddit
It’s the right spot. Being a dick to her won’t improve OPs life in any way. If they think it will they’re wrong. If you don’t like random opinions stay off the web.
OfficerEsophagus@reddit
Shit up the bathrooms so it's all anyone remembers
Novel-Sprinkles3333@reddit
I hope his family finds peace after his passing.
That says it all.
108beads@reddit
The most unethical thing you can do is to support the victim(s). Stand with them, share with them, love on them, protect and help them. Ignore (or if you must, give the stink eye to) anybody who wants to praise and celebrate the life of an evil person.
Don't be pulled down to the evil person's level. Don't give others the option to respond in ways that challenge your judgment. Shut that shit down promptly, firmly, without comment. If you meet evil with more evil, you're simply perpetuating.
TheStandingOrder@reddit
Dump it in the garbage to prevent someone having to clean it and render service to him once more. Throw in something liquid and disgusting so nobody will have incentive to pick it up. It will end up in the dumpster.
lloydisi@reddit
I'm a guy. My neighbors were racist, lying POS. I went to his funeral wearing jeans, searched white shirt and one of those mexican black veils. Lol
leisuresuitbruce@reddit
Death is your final revenge. Keep it classy. But you don't have to act like you are praying.
Tweedldum@reddit
Not really if anybody says nice things about him and ignores the horrible person he actually was.
Nikonglass@reddit
Write the deceased a letter stating exactly how you feel and ask for the letter to be buried with him. It can give you closure without ruining it for others. Also, you can have the satisfaction of knowing those words will be with his body for eternity.
Tweedldum@reddit
Ruining it for others? I think that’s the point dude.
SeiJikok@reddit
Funerals are for living. Dead guy already doesn't care.
JAKESTEEL77@reddit
You just said your dad feels obligated. Just do not go. Then be honest when asked why. Boom! Decades of disrespect applied via family bullshit.
MaryVenetia@reddit
Who are you trying to show your disapproval to?
Tweedldum@reddit
Everyone that shows up to a funeral for a man that doesn’t deserve to have one. Shoulda refused to burry him at all and given him a paupers burial from the state.
meddit_rod@reddit
The unworthy dead.
pletro78@reddit
Grateful Dead tribute band?
jaxxon@reddit
Yeah - and they’re not very good .. unworthy of even being a tribute band.
Dadpocalypse420@reddit
Charge admission.
Low_Mango_6030@reddit (OP)
Why removed
SIDHE_LAMP@reddit
Whatever you decide to do, please don't do anything that's going to make this day harder on your aunt or your dad. Causing a scene is going to make this day more difficult for them. It's not about you. Just offering some advice.
Tweedldum@reddit
If they didn’t want to even have one they aren’t going to be enjoying it anyway and if anything someone else causing a scene will take the spotlight off the family who may be feeling pressure to look like they aren’t actually relieved the bastard is gone.
DetectiveDizzyEyes@reddit
Bring her a small bouquet of white roses and leave him a wilted black one.
Deinonychus-sapiens@reddit
Take those lovely relatives who pressured an abused widow into a funeral, and pop them into the coffin with the rest of the pieces of shit 👍
powertotheuser@reddit
Hug his wife and say “you’re free now. I’m so happy for you”
Tweedldum@reddit
I’ve been creating a speech in my mind to say when my evil family member dies. Invited or not I plan to show up and give the speech of a lifetime detailing exactly what this person did in life and how the world is better off without them. Nobody will leave with a false impression of them when I’m done speaking my truth. Then I’m gonna spit on the urn or casket or whatever item that represents them that I can. Might even take the cremated remains if I can get at them. In my state cremated remains hold no monetary value, just the urn they are in does. Petty theft will be worth it to dump this garbage person in the literal garbage.
rustypete89@reddit
You said it made the news.. Just get a press clipping of the newsworthy bit, print it out - maybe even blown up to a larger size for easy reading, and carry it around the event as a poster. Hold it up at random times so everyone can see it. It's a memorial, make sure people remember him correctly. If anyone confronts you, a simple "this is the man we're remembering today" is all you need to say.
-tacostacostacos@reddit
Wheat paste the clipping to the top of the coffin so everyone who comes to view it sees it when the say goodbye
cg40boat@reddit
My lunatic uncle had the worst funeral insult. No one came.
omegamun@reddit
Attend wearing an inflatable unicorn 🦄 costume.
Paevatar@reddit
Wear a party hat. Hand out party hats to the other attendees. Bring a sheet cake lettered "Congratulations, you made it to Hell!"
Yuki_Onna@reddit
Wear all white
HommeMusical@reddit
No good; in many cultures, white is the color of mourning.
We went to a Chinese funeral in the 70s, and my mother (European) wore white; several guests came up to her and told her that they really appreciated the gesture.
Yuki_Onna@reddit
OP is European
HommeMusical@reddit
Yes, I got that.
It's still not going to disrespect anyone.
Yuki_Onna@reddit
💀
Shamino79@reddit
Hawaiian shirt?
Gr4ph0n@reddit
Some stand silent for respect. Some stand silent, intently watching to make sure the fucker gets in the ground. Be assured that you aren't the only one there for the later reason.
ablaut-reduplication@reddit
Whatever you do, please do not make others uncomfortable. Yes, funerals are for the living. Those people are not anyone you have an issue with.
They are there for their own reasons, most often those reasons are innocent and good. None of them are there for themselves; they are there for others.
As it is, there are going to be a lot of high emotions and conflicted feelings in the crowd. There is no need or call for you (or anyone else) to make the situation worse for others.
Do not disrespect people there.
ofRayRay@reddit
Wear Depends and pee or poop yourself as you stand there and mourn.
clantz@reddit
show up super happy, laughing, joking and singing, to remind everyone what a joyous occasion it is!
astrobrain@reddit
I did that to my own dad's funeral. Not because I was disrespecting him, but because I was happy to see all the people I never get to see except at funerals. I became a little self aware about it eventually and turned it down a notch.
muddybunnyhugger@reddit
Same for my mom. I knew she was going to die for months, I wasn't glad she died but I had not seen some people at the funeral for years, and I'm also not the type to grieve in public.
DonkeyWorker@reddit
Make a speech, "You should not speak ill of the dead, but in this case it is justified" then absolutely fill your boots, get it all out, and end with a positive note for the plus side sof his death.
anxious_apostate@reddit
Or, "It's been said that you should not speak ill of the dead. So in the spirit of honesty, I wish you all a good day."
Then walk straight down the aisle and out the door.
mynamJEFF38@reddit
Well theyre just not going to do that are they
DonkeyWorker@reddit
ok, liquid ass at the service
kairikngdm@reddit
Let that piss disc fly right into the grave!
Ichgebibble@reddit
I’ve seen so many piss disc references that I feel like I missed a big moment. Please enlighten me.
Bizzoxx@reddit
Why do you care if he can be identified? Can you generally say the genre of his crimes?
litux@reddit
OP probably doesn't want to doxx themselves.
Bizzoxx@reddit
Wouldn’t be doxxing himself. It’d be doxxing a dead criminal.
litux@reddit
If you tell Reddit who your uncle is, don't you tell Reddit a lot about yourself as well?
Bizzoxx@reddit
Not at all. Think of all the famous psychos in the world - do you know who any of their nieces or nephews are? Likely not.
litux@reddit
If you give me the name of a random town and a random street in it where a hundred people live, I will probably not know the names of any of them. But that does not mean that sharing the town and street where you live on Reddit is a good idea, especially on your main account. The internet is full of weirdos.
rojoshow13@reddit
Offer to do a eulogy. And run down the list of his "accomplishments". That's what I plan on doing at my mother in laws funeral. To an audience of nobody probably.
ageofdelilahcain@reddit
Don’t wear black
Mikinohollywood@reddit
Wear sequins! It’s a celebration that he’s gone after all!
AlissonHarlan@reddit
He finally Made the World a better place
Joysticksummoner@reddit
Goofy tie
SalisburyWitch@reddit
Offer to speak, and say exactly what kind of person he was.
HopefulBandicoot8053@reddit
You could steal the urn and dump the ashes in the sewer.
MVHood@reddit
Piss disc in the urn.
I would wear something that I know would have triggered him … then I’d say an internal mantra the entire time like, “jack’s sucking donkey dick in hell” Smile. A lot. But I’d keep it quiet because he’s traumatized a lot of people there. See if you can find where other haters are and hang with them.
pronouncedayayron@reddit
Bring champagne
ShiroineProtagonist@reddit
Ask to speak and spend five minutes calling out the assholes who pressured his abused wife into hosting a memorial service. Jesus fucking Christ. And raise money for a domestic abuse organization near you.
zoloftandcoffe3@reddit
“All proceeds and contributions from this funeral will go to insert DV foundation here”.
Pomegranate_1328@reddit
Donate to an organization for victims like his. Make a sign or something and post it at the event where to donate on behalf of the deceased. Don’t need to sign if you do not want to. Or have someone send in lieu of flowers donate to this organization etc.
Sufficient_Sleep_199@reddit
Print out the news article and hand it out in closed envelopes.
2Dogs3Tents@reddit
Wear clown shoes and a giant polka dot bow tie.
Honey-Badger1833@reddit
Turn his celebration of life into a celebration of surviving his life for all those who suffered at his hands.
Responsible-Cow5828@reddit
Take a shit in the urn.
lhr00001@reddit
Piss in the urn. Encourage everyone else to do the same.
-tacostacostacos@reddit
Go to the location about 4am on the day of the service and throw up some posters with his mug shot and a list of his crimes on the periphery of the property, where it’s not the venue’s problem but the attendees will definitely see.
Ghahnima@reddit
The one’s my fav!
journerman69@reddit
Bring a sharpie and draw a big dick on his forehead
RonanH69@reddit
Pour liquid ass in the urn. Let's people know he stank in life as well. And shortens the oelogy to a max of 2 sentances.
ToxicTalonNA@reddit
https://youtu.be/j9V78UbdzWI?si=zJ6ZZ2LImXBMOCs8
Blast this max volume, if you got money then can hire some people to dance as well
Turbulent-Break-4947@reddit
those dudes are glad someone's gone!
StarrySkiesNY@reddit
Perfect!
xsmp@reddit
solution is in the title...have a bathroom emergency that spans multiple stalls in both bathrooms. there may be significant prep required.
CRYPTOFORBARETOES@reddit
Bring a bunch of alcohol and turn the casket into a urinal.
Bratchan@reddit
Message her ask her if she wants to do something else that day. They only said for her to hold one not be there. Say it can be a day of what ever she wants. That she is welcome to cut everyone out of her life and boundaries are healthy..
TechinBellevue@reddit
I see they put the evil bastard facing down. Good call. He can see where he is going and get there faster.
Was that my outside voice?
PretzelBitesOnAcid@reddit
Fuck on his grave at night
gooplom88@reddit
Don’t do that.
Pantokraterix@reddit
Hire a mariachi band to play nearby. Not so close that it’s obvious but close enough to be disruptive.
tatasz@reddit
At this point, the problem isn't the dead uncle, but the bullies who pressured your aunto into this bs.
Be there for her. Openly support her. Offer her a way out if she is uncomfortable. Be mean to people who try to bully her.
MOSbangtan@reddit
Ok this is a good question
jvandy17@reddit
Best to let the dead die
superduperhosts@reddit
Tell your dad he molested you.
JCBashBash@reddit
Bring cards and brochures for victim assistance agencies in your area, definitely don't dress up for a funeral, prepare as soon as you get in there to ask your aunt if she wants to leave and go get some sort of treat and take her if she says yes
Pussy-Wideness-Xpert@reddit
Romans 3:23: all had sinned and fallen short of God’s glorious plan for their lives.
And then say something about some fall more short than others.
I_Want_A_Ribeye@reddit
Send a MASSIVE floral arrangement saying “beloved boyfriend.” Anyone who doesn’t know the piece of shit will think he was cheating on his wife, making him a piece of shit
Woebetide138@reddit
Look up ‘Speaker For The Dead’
Forgottengoldfishes@reddit
Be nice and attentive to his wife, something that would anger him if he is able to view the memorial in hell. Then before leaving slip a piss disc into the coffin. Make sure you put in a domestic violence pamphlet in the piss before you freeze it.
No_Equal_1312@reddit
Be the bigger person and sit quietly, why stoop to his level and have everyone think you are a jerk too.
ShiroineProtagonist@reddit
Piss disk in the coffin. Confetti shot from behind the eulogist.
SCCock@reddit
I'm disappointed I had to scroll this far down for a piss-disk comment.
HellaWonkLuciteHeels@reddit
Piss disc in the coffin
Amonette2012@reddit
Play 'Ding dong the witch is dead' or make it your ring tone and have someone call you repeatedly.
dj777dj777bling@reddit
Why do you have to go? Don’t.
1badh0mbre@reddit
Liquid ass
BillyMooney@reddit
Go and support his wife and his brother. It's not about you.
RevolutionaryHope511@reddit
Balloons
NewNameAgainUhg@reddit
Pull the fire alarm in the middle of the service
9Implements@reddit
“ The Opposite of Love Is Not Hate, But Indifference”
Gigglemonkey@reddit
Wear a bright, beautiful, loud floral dress. Bonus if you're a dude.
KinkMountainMoney@reddit
Additional bonus if you shave your legs but not your back.
Niniva73@reddit
:3 I love this answer
Bargle-Nawdle-Zouss@reddit
When people say nice things about him, laugh like it's a stand-up comedian crushing with their jokes.
luala@reddit
If he’s being cremated, put some popping corn in the coffin. When the heat is turned up he’ll start to pop.
KirikoKiama@reddit
Why being subtle?
Be absolutely honest in your eulogy.
Heavy-Locksmith-3767@reddit
Bowl a handful of marbles in the path when they're carrying the casket.
DdraigVert@reddit
Eat something that disagrees with you to the point of really, really bad gas
meddit_rod@reddit
Eat nothing. Drink nothing. Say nothing that excuses them .
SlutForGarrus@reddit
It's a funeral not a police interrogation😂. At least get free food outta the deal! Hell, I'd load up a plate to go! Food is the only good thing about funerals.
gromath@reddit
Just play the Curb Enthusiasm theme, pretend it's your ringtone and you missed a call...
"sorry it was my phone"
terminatordos@reddit
stink bomb
Mr_BigglesworthIII@reddit
Liquid ass
DeckerXT@reddit
Be honest. Be happy. Live.
Comfortable_Guide622@reddit
GO early, put up a large sign - DONATIONS HERE
Leave, take the money and go drinking
JoyDVeeve@reddit
Anything you do will just make you look like an asshole.
JayTheSuspectedFurry@reddit
Why does it need to be subtle?