Anon makes it out of the friendzone, technically

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UristMcMagma@reddit

I'm sick of women trying to make their own enjoyment the man's responsibility. If they can't make it happen then that's just a skill issue on their part. And it really isn't my problem.

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Flying-Penguino@reddit

Ask yourself, how many women would give a shit if you weren't able to finish. That's right, it's zero

Every woman I've ever been with has cared if I didn't finish, enough they have all taken it personally, to the point of becoming self conscious thinking I wasn't attracted to them (true)

You'd know this if you weren't a virgin loser. Also good bait

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Bostolm@reddit

if i ever have the opportunity to have sex with a women

Well its abundandly clear that aint happening anyway

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Carbonatite@reddit

If that guy's comment is satire, it's a work of art.

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xvsanx@reddit

bro I swear I thought I was reading a Dennis Reynolds copypasta but noooo he just kept going and going way past Dennis talking about how some women just can't get off

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SoupaMayo@reddit

Please make it a greentext this is so funny

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Edges8@reddit

saved by the edit. went from saddest post of the day to funniest

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easyglue@reddit

Actually good bait for once, good job

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cooljerry53@reddit

Uh, ideally both partners care about the other’s pleasure during sex? If you’re only concerned with your own pleasure just jerk off.

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Roadkillgoblin_2@reddit

I’m not reading all that, but if someone lets you have sex with them, they’ve got to get something out of it too. Don’t just blindly fuck away, hoping that they’re also enjoying it

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Hot-Explanation-5751@reddit

He thought the clit was the skin tag next to her butthol

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xvsanx@reddit

I don't understand why you couldn't get off. It's not my fault. Some women just don't know how.

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Female friend once got drunk and tried to hit on me. But I know well she occasionally mentions her cringe were in bed her previous partners and I didn't want to become a new enrry in the series so refused her attemp.

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ChoiceFudge3662@reddit

I wonder just how bad it had to have been that she can’t forget it? Dude must’ve confused the urethra with the pussy and hurt her or just didn’t touch her clit or use his hands at all.

Like she just showed up and he was standing under the ceiling fan light, dick out, only in black socks, there was no foreplay, no music, no background noise at all, the room temperature was a brisk 59.5 degrees.

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redwalrus95@reddit

Let’s be honest, anyone of us would switch places with OP in an instance provided OPs lady friend isn’t a landwhale.

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avagrantthought@reddit

you make an offer

Friend denies and puts boundaries/warning

You completely dismiss her warning

She takes you up on the offer

What she warned you about happened and she already set up boundaries

Wtf guys!!

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FNGJGJVF@reddit

Anon's missing out the part of the story where she pulled back his foreskin to reveal an 8-inch thick layer of smegma

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all_time_high@reddit

I had forgotten about that video, and now you’ve gone and reminded me.

gif

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El_frog1@reddit

The fuck? Video?

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Timeon@reddit

Let's not find out

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arbydallas@reddit

Wait it pulls back? And my dickhead isn't supposed to be 17.5 inches wide?

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NoSoup4you22@reddit

This is something that becomes a funny anecdote, not something you would get blocked over. Didn't happen.

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Scorkami@reddit

Take it in stride, ask for pointers, learn to lick coochie, offer her to teach you stuff.

At worst it ends the same, but it could also end in "well that was awkward but i got a few tips now", or even go all the way up to "we banged a lot more and i got better, and shes chill now"

Do people think skill in bed is just this thing you are born with and if its bad you are just fucked? Give and receive lessons in what works for each other, rank up with competitive matches, become a teachers pet, reach celestial rank and graduate top of your class in analingus

Treat it like a fucking sport

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zuggiz@reddit

OP definitely left out the part where he shit himself in bed afterwards and thats the actual reason why she won't talk to him anymore.

No 'friend' alive is ever gonna straight up say 'you were really fucking bad in bed'; they'd come up with a white lie to let them down easily instead.

Therefore, OP must have shit himself in bed and tried to come with a ploy to not get found out.

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