Has anyone else had to sell their home and go back to renting, I’m so scared and feel like I’ve lost everything, looking for some wisdom?

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CoffeeandaTwix@reddit

Unless you have been forced to sell at a loss; you haven't lost anything.

But yeah, I was in that position, when I was 21 - everything was in my exes name and there wasn't a great deal of equity anyway so she walked away with very little anyway. I didn't own a home again for another 16 years at which point I bought in with my current partner's house. We then sold that and bought a new home together, completing last year.

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TJfishfillet@reddit

In the same boat after being bought out - I thought I was mourning the relationship, but in reality I was mourning the loss of the house, security and the future that would never materialise, continually dealing him tearing me down and making me miserable. Are you going to let this ruin your life? Is this going to be how you define yourself?

I know it feels like shit but please be assured you have done the right thing getting out - you're 27! You have so much time. I have my own house now with a garden and my dog and new relationship and I love it so much.

Learn what you can from your experience about what you really want in a relationship and move on when you feel ready. Wishing you all the best seriously I relate hard

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bars_and_plates@reddit

I am voluntarily going to sell my house and then rent somewhere soon.

I think people get way too wrapped up in "buy house buy house buy house". It's just money. Save money, have more money, you are winning, have no money, you are losing. I don't know if that helps, maybe it doesn't, but yeah.

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Paulstan67@reddit

Is there any way you could buy him out? If there is naff all equity just make him an offer to clear out and let you take over mortgage etc.

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losingfocus2015@reddit

with 2 years only it's probably cheaper to buy the other party out if they can afford the ongoing cost of ownership alone

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Paulstan67@reddit

If they have a spare room there is always the option of a lodger. By the sound of the relationship I don't think that OPs partner contributed a great deal.

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losingfocus2015@reddit

i perhaps wont assume that when it comes to mortgage affordability calcuations

this post is pretty much why i have been adamant i am buying on my own, going for a property that i can afford alone without help

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Paulstan67@reddit

Oh yes it's an option but shouldn't be relied on.

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Snoo93102@reddit

Bullshit. Nobody goes back to renting. This is clear lies.

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ukbot-nicolabot@reddit

A top level comment (one that is not a reply) should be a good faith and genuine attempt to answer the question

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DeifniteProfessional@reddit

This is why I won't buy unless it's 100% owned by me, and yet here's everyone saying "find yourself a girlfriend, then you can afford a mortgage!"

Sorry though, OP, I 100% understand your feeling. It's a lot to take on at once and you're still very much in that period of uncertainty, where things are not only sad, but scary. You're not "losing everything", you're changing circumstances. Life goes on and you will find and seize new opportunities, and in a few years you'll look back on this moment as just a change in your life's chapters (probably)

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Rich-Lychee-8589@reddit

Completely agree...i lost everything in my divorce...I've now brought a little bungalow by myself...no other name on the mortgage or deeds.

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grapo2001@reddit

So you can rent all your life then, or have a shot at a happy marriage and have a house you own. If it doesn't work out you go back to renting, nothing ventured nothing gained.

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DeifniteProfessional@reddit

It's funny because I can afford the monthly payments, I just can't get a bank to trust me enough to give me the money to buy anything lol, the cheapest livable properties (ie. no major work needed) anywhere near me is upwards of 200K. I think the cheapest place recently was a flat above Dominos for £175K

But I'm happy to rent in a way. Saves having to deal with all the bullshit

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grapo2001@reddit

You can't afford the monthly payments if you don't have the money for a deposit.

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DeifniteProfessional@reddit

"Deposit" is an interesting term when it comes to mortgages. It's not a deposit, it's money you front up - a down payment. Generally a token gesture to say "yeah, I have some money".

But yes, I can afford the monthly payments. A 25 year mortgage of £200,000 at 4.5% is a lower monthly repayment than my rent. But the best I was offered when I last tried (though that was 2-3 years ago) was something like £120K. I could put 10K down (5%) on a £200K property. What I cannot do is top up the £80,000 needed to actually have enough money for the purchase, and that's not forgetting all the other costs

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CNash85@reddit

It is nonetheless a deposit in the sense that if the purchase falls through after you pay it, you lose the deposit.

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grapo2001@reddit

How is it a "token gesture", it's literally paying for some of the house. You don't have a deposit or the financial credentials to get a mortgage, therefore you de facto can't afford the monthly payments. Stick to renting.

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DeifniteProfessional@reddit

LMAO how the fuck am I unable to afford monthly payments if I don't have enough for a deposit? Being able to drop £1100 per month is not the same as being able to drop £70,000 immediately.

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grapo2001@reddit

Luckily for you this is a moot argument as you won't ever be asked to pay a monthly payment for a mortgage.

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TachiH@reddit

People who insist deposits are affordability checks are clueless. An awful lot of deposits in the UK are actually funded partly by the bank of Mum and Dad. There should be a way of not paying a deposit but 5% is placed on a guarantor if you ever miss payments.

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18usernameslater@reddit

... doesn't that leave your previous partner completely in the shit, though? So they're paying your mortgage, never build up any capital of their own, and then out on their arse if the relationship goes tits-up? I understand if it's relatively soon in the relationship, but after a few years you surely have to start building up a bit of trust to start building a life together?

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AutomaticStag@reddit

I'd never ask them to pay my mortgage or anything towards the upkeep unless we were married, which would be 5+ years into the relationship at least. Would happily have them at mine rent free and they if they needed to build up financially they could do so.

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AutomaticStag@reddit

I'd never ask them to pay my mortgage or anything towards the upkeep unless we were married, which would be 5+ years into the relationship at least. Would happily have them at mine rent free and they if they needed to build up financially they could do so.

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DeifniteProfessional@reddit

Oh no I don't mean I would buy a house and ask someone to move in with me and pay for half of it without having any stake in it. Though I wasn't even thinking about being with someone at all, my entire comment was in the mindset of "forever single" lol

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AutomaticStag@reddit

Totally agree, OPs situation is really unfortunate but have met a few young couples who break up quite quickly and have to sell the property they bought together as they bought based on two incomes.

Was lucky to live at home for 5 years and save a deposit for a 3 bed 1920s do-er upper I bought solo which I'll be working on for the next year.

Happy for a partner to move in but wouldn't let them contribute to the mortgage.

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DeifniteProfessional@reddit

Indeed, always makes me think of Hey Ya! by Outkast. 25 years old and still more relevant than ever - breaking up is so much more acceptable now socially that it just happens so often, and tying yourself financially together just adds to the stress of a breakup.

Actually this just reminded me, u/ImASadGirlImABadGirl so you don't feel alone, my cousin just went through the same thing. She was with a guy for probably around 5 years, and they bought a house together last year. Lived together for a few months and just suddenly split and sold. I think she's back living with her parents, and seeing someone else now. She seems happy though, so I guess it's not all doom and gloom

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ImASadGirlImABadGirl@reddit (OP)

Honestly don’t bother, people switch up on you and it’s crazy. Thank you

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misterriz@reddit

15 months after breaking up with my ex, after paying the mortgage and bills for years - including since - I'm now instructing my lawyers to go to court to force the transfer of equity and finally sort this mess out she refuses to deal with.

It could be worse.

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AtmospherePrior752@reddit

If you did it once, you know you can do it again.

You’re not losing anything except for that dead weight of a boyfriend.

You’re evolving 💐

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spyrobandic00t@reddit

Yes, in a very similar way to you. Whilst I wish I could buy again, I wouldn’t change anything I have now and would do it 100x over as I’m much happier with my new partner renting.

Wishing you the best, breakups suck but are even harder when you have to give up the home you worked hard for too xxx

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ThrowRAMomVsGF@reddit

I mean, the fact that you are more devastated about the mortgage than the breakup is a good thing in my book. You are very young, nothing to worry about.

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ImASadGirlImABadGirl@reddit (OP)

Thank you so much

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1bryantj@reddit

I’m 10 years older than you, only lucky enough to just get on the property ladder now, I wouldn’t stress. Go out and enjoy your life before you have too many commitments

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Fingertoes1905@reddit

You are so young, young enough to get another mortgage

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RiceeeChrispies@reddit

Honestly, it sounds like you're doing fine. This is just a bump in the road.

As someone who might have their financial shit together but is a shambles in every other department, I wish I was as emotionally intelligent and strong as you appear to be.

You will find someone who appreciates you, and you will look back and laugh at this in years to come. I'm rooting for you. :)

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Long-Leather2986@reddit

work with a girl who had a partner of 10 years, bought house, a couple months in they split up

Year or so passes she bounced back and just bought a flat, She is much happier and loving life.

At 27 it's still so young even though we feel old you have so much ahead and so many amazing memoires to look forward to making

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Nicricieve@reddit

You are likely going to live another 65 years, and live in plenty of homes, you are more concerned about your living situation than your breakup, you rock! Well done on being so damn mature about all of it. Only thing that sucks is you've lost FTB status which is cheaper than a shit relationship, hope this helps x

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Gusacus@reddit

Hey, 10 months ago I was you (plus a few years..)

I spent my whole twenties saving for our dream home, supporting the man who I thought would be my forever, and getting ready to have our family, and then it ended. I’d relocated for him and I lost everything…

You will survive this and come out so much stronger. Everyone says it and you will hate that, because you just don’t understand how. But, trust me. The world you build next will be the yours alone, and you will be so much prouder of yourself for this journey than anything before.

Deep breaths for now, but you can do this.

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Dr_Gillian_McQueef@reddit

Similar. I was 25 when my fiancé died and I got chucked out of the flat we lived in. It was just in his name and his parents hated me because he chose to spend his last Christmas with my family not his.

Our cute little flat, our future, was all gone.

I didn't want a mortgage or anything I was grieving and felt too small, iykwim. I'd only just lost my Dad too.

My Mum gave me some money to put 10% down on a flat in a neighbouring part of London (only 4.5k, prices were lower then) and I had a spare room for a lodger.

It was the best thing in the circumstances that could've happened after losing D.

27 is still very young. Lick your wounds a bit but remember this too shall pass. You've been knocked off the bike of life but you're intact and you'll get past this. I promise. Don't close yourself off. I was a hermit for well over a year but then the sun started coming back into my life. It will do for yours.

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Dr_Gillian_McQueef@reddit

Thankyou very much for the award.

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Bifanarama@reddit

Is there no way you can stay in the flat? Eg buy your ex out, get a lodger, etc etc? Even keep the flat, rent it out, move in with parents or friends for a bit?

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aj_speaks@reddit

It’s best to have happened now than after you had kids with. Still so young and soo much you can do. This is a great opportunity at another start

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grayscripts@reddit

Yes. I broke up, sold, and moved out in 2022. Rented ever since.

Things were bad for me for a variety of reasons (fled DV, homeless for 3 months, etc.), however, I moved me and my doggo to my very favourite place in the UK. We have an awesome life now (and realistically, have for the past couple of years). I'm on track to get back on the property ladder next year if there's the right property and a mortgage at 5%.

It was horrible and stressful. I never imagined life would be what it is now. I lost everything but gained so much. I'm happy every day, which is saying something. No regrets.

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Padddddddddy@reddit

Don't know you but I'm very proud of you, well done!

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grayscripts@reddit

Thank you 😊 💜

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ImASadGirlImABadGirl@reddit (OP)

Love that for you congrays

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grayscripts@reddit

Thank you 💜

You're on the cusp of a challenging but amazing journey. Your life can be any shape you want it to be now ✨️🍀

Keep your chin up and just take it one day at a time ⭐️

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Diligent-Arugula-153@reddit

You're focusing on the right thing, and your age is a huge asset here. Plenty of people have rebuilt from this exact spot and ended up in a much better place.

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TachiH@reddit

In the UK we are obsessed with home ownership. Plenty of other countries like in Europe, renting is viewed as normal, we just don't have the right renter protection yet.

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blamejaneshui@reddit

Im 28f and have never bought a house.

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Slothjitzu@reddit

You’ll have half the equity in the house, so you’re not back to square one at all!

All it’ll take is you saving up the other half (+ fees) and you’re back on the property ladder again.

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ImASadGirlImABadGirl@reddit (OP)

There isn’t any equity 😓 makes it even worse, estimated to walk away with 4k each or potentially 9k (which would help me alot) if we manage to sell higher. Thank you for your comment

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Slothjitzu@reddit

After two years you should have something available in the house really, so hold out for a higher offer. You have to agree to sell the house, he can’t just do it for both of you.

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Imaginary-Hornet-397@reddit

Hold out as long as you can for a high offer. Don't let your ex or the estate agents bully you into a quick sale if it doesn't suit your finances.

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ImASadGirlImABadGirl@reddit (OP)

Thank you this is the plan. I want to sell for at least 10k extra if possible

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Rose_Of_Sanguine@reddit

4K is better than nothing, or debt.

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Mental_Body_5496@reddit

Can you buy them out?

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AllThatIHaveDone@reddit

Probably it's not affordable on one income.

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Weird_Georgiana@reddit

I would speak to a financial adviser who can guide you on what would be best.

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Chris-TT@reddit

Yeah, it happened to me in a similar situation, apart from I had to live outside my means for about three years in the house until the fixed rate came to an end, as we would have been in about £10k of negative equity if I hadn’t. Luckily, when I sold, we actually had a decent amount of equity. One thing to be aware of is that, unless things change, you won’t be eligible for any government-backed first-time buyer schemes.

Can you look to rent out any spare rooms, or even the entire house? (You will need to speak to the mortgage company to see if it’s an option.)

One bit of advice: get an agreement in writing, ideally overseen by a solicitor, with your ex if you do go down the route of keeping it for a bit. I didn’t, and my usually very amicable ex decided she wanted 50% of the equity when we sold, even though I paid 100% of the mortgage without her living in the house. We eventually settled on something more sensible, but I wish I had thought about that in advance.

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daddy-dj@reddit

Yes, I sold my house before moving abroad. The plan was to use the money for a deposit in the country we moved to. However, for various reasons, our savings got used up and we've been renting ever since.

It's taken the best part of six years but we were finally in a position to buy. We moved in to our forever home in January.

If it helps, I'm considerably older than you. I have taken on a mortgage when many people my age are paying off theirs.

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No-Communication7375@reddit

I was 50/50 with my ex in a 3 bed semi , we broke up but under no circumstances did I want to go back to renting . She left the house and I paid mortgage in full . House was sold and I ported my mortgage to a new property using my existing equity to bridge . Took some time but was worth it . You will come back , you have time , so don’t worry !

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AllThatIHaveDone@reddit

'You' (singular) didn't buy the flat, so it's not really you who have failed. The relationship bought the flat and the relationship failed. I think there's a difference there.

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EpponeeRae@reddit

Very good point- and I think it's important too to appreciate that getting out of a relationship that isn't working isn't failure by any metric, it's setting you up for better opportunities in the future and the potential for a much happier ever after.

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pixpix89@reddit

Not me but one of my friends. Late thirties, split from her partner. He bought her out of the house and she rented for a while before buying a house by herself.

She’s loving her life and says it’s the best decision she ever made.

Don’t lose hope. Better days and times will come ❤️

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ImASadGirlImABadGirl@reddit (OP)

Thank you x

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ServerLost@reddit

Could you use the money from the sale to put a deposit on a place of your own? Tbh at your age not living at home is an achievement.

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deadlocked72@reddit

I've been in the same position at a similar age, had gone from my first owned flat to first owned house, at the time felt like I had it made. Ex wife and I split and I was forced to sell to buy her off, back to renting a room in shared places. I hated every second of it. You will get it back and better, don't despair, these rough times will make you appreciate the achievement even more when you get back on the ladder, stay strong and focus on the future

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james8807@reddit

Is there no way to save the mortgage? Even if it means a new longer loan?

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RockDoc88mph@reddit

Sorry you feel you lost everything. But eveything WILL work out. Every hardship brings valuable life lessons. It's just hard to see at the moment, because you are in the thick of the devastation. Surround yourself with family and friends you can trust. If you stay alone, there's a chance the dark thoughts will take over. Don't let them. Renting no longer has the stigma it once had. There can be advantages to renting. You don't have to wait years to move hourse, for example. Single women homeowners often get ripped off by tradespeople. If you go with an agent managed property, any repairs will likely be done quite quickly, and obviously free. And there are new laws this May that make life easier for renters. Wishing you all the best.

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Kickkickkarl@reddit

Why did the relationship break up? Unfortunately unless married it's always a chance of risk this circumstance can eventually come about. You'll probably be better off buying by yourself in the future and can control your own destiny.

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ImASadGirlImABadGirl@reddit (OP)

Because he couldn’t cope with life. ADHD and depression, refused medication or therapy and then left saying he can’t cope with the life we built. Told me I was perfect and it wasn’t me, which I know. Just a waste of

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Kickkickkarl@reddit

Unfortunately that what happens in your 20s when you discover the person doesn't mature along with you. It's frustrating the set back you are experiencing but in the long-term it'll be the best thing that will ever happened to you.

Good luck moving forward.

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ImASadGirlImABadGirl@reddit (OP)

Thank you 🥹

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garlicmayosquad@reddit

I bought and ended up selling too after around the same amount of time. Honestly the whole process made me very disillusioned with UK home ownership, i don’t think I will buy again.

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AgeofVictoriaPodcast@reddit

My girlfriend had to bail her mother out of debt twice, she then left an abusive boyfriend and lost everything. She ended up doing a minimum wage job, but by the time I met her was a qualified professional with her own 1 bedroom flat that she got via shared ownership. She's now bought out the share, got savings, and I'm proud of her.

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SpareSurprise1308@reddit

You still have equity which still holds value. It’ll feel like going back to square one but I’m sure you’ll be back to buying again once you find the right person. You’re doing better than me, 27 never had my own place.

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Ralphisinthehouse@reddit

Shit it happened to me at 42 and I'm doing fine. You are going to be fine.

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Way-In-My-Brain@reddit

How many rooms are there? If there's a spare one to rent some mortgage companies allow you to include the expected income to boost your borrowing capacity. It may still be a flat share but would at least be on your terms as the LL.

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LegitimatePieMonster@reddit

Yes I did. I left a relationship, including house and mortgage 3 years ago.

I'd had to move out of the house as my ex had started to physically threaten me. I was motivated to sell the house so I could get my equity back to reinvest in my own home rather than renting.

I also had to rent rooms instead of my own flat as whilst he took on the full mortgage after I left, I was still listed on the mortgage so needed to be flexibly in case things changed and he stopped paying. I also owned more of the property as I'd paid 100% of the substantial deposit and I was absolutely not going to subsidise his housing in a property I majority owned and had been forced out of.

Instead of focussing on what you've lost, focus on your future and what you can get with the money from the property. If you can move in with a friend or family for a year or two then you'll save loads on rent to put towards a new deposit.

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GeneralMedia1282@reddit

Not this situation but bought first home with my husband at around 36 years old. 25 to me sounds really young for buying a home, especially in current conditions over the last 10 years. You will be no means unusual in not owning a home at 27. A lot of which is probably not much comfort but you have plenty of time to rebuild.

When I turned 30 I ended a 7 year relationship, not the same situation obviously but had those feelings of having to start again and feeling like I was left back at zero. That relationship drained me financially and turning 30 felt like I was starting from scratch in every way. 10 years later and life is very different in the best way.

Although you've had to sell, this is an infinitely better position than staying in a doomed relationship and separating and having to sell anyway 2 years later, or worse, 10 years down the line. You've shown you have the skills to save and whilst this might not have been you're first plan, a different life is now possible and there's no reason you won't be able to buy again at some point in the future...presuming the world isn't on fire at that point in which case it wouldn't matter anyway!

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ImASadGirlImABadGirl@reddit (OP)

Thank you so much

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Happy-Possibility-@reddit

Is your ex able to buy you out, or can you afford to remortgage on your own? How did you split the deposit/purchase money?

In 2020, my ex and I had bought a house for 115k with 10% deposit, and each paid 10k between deposit & purchases fees. 2 years later we split, he wanted to keep the house, so he remortgaged in his own name and gave me my 10k back. We each also came away with 5k of savings. I used 8k for a deposit & purchase fees for my own, far smaller but much more beautiful home.

It’ll be 3 years next month in my new home, and it’s been a struggle by myself, but infinitely worth it. I was a little bitter at first to be downsizing, but I’m mostly happy to have my own space. You’ll be OK, but definitely seek advice on getting the property valued correctly before agreeing to anything, and speak to a mortgage advisor about your purchasing options as a solo buyer.

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I moved in with family for a few months and was then made redundant. This turned into a real positive because I had the deposit for a cheap house and fortunately I got another job fairly quickly.

So a decade on, I'm about to sell that house and buy something better.

Life is good and I'm much, much happier now than I was back then.

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