I am just about to turn 50 and she is just about to turn 80. She has a standard pile of health issues do you have when you're 80 I guess. But then she just had lung cancer. She had a lobectomy and there were a bunch of complications with that. But she eventually recovered and her 12-month scans were all clear.

The bigger issue is she is batshit crazy. Both of my parents are undiagnosed neurodivergence. I would say that my mom is probably ADHD and my dad is autistic. We always just thought they were particular I guess. Until both my brother and I were diagnosed as adults. And now I'm watching what we're at one point just difficult habits and behavior traits to deal with become things that are downright damaging. Both to them and the people around them. And of course Boomers that they are, nobody is going to get help. Even when they recognize that there is a problem.

Even bigger issue is she and my dad should have been divorced 40 years ago at least. And she's settled and stayed. And then my dad who is completely codependent and believes the world Rises and sets on him and is a textbook case of weaponized incompetence and learned helplessness, has had probably almost 20 years of escalating Health conditions. But life-threatening ones. And has been wheelchair bound for the last couple of years. And he refuses to do anything to help himself or to learn how to adapt. And so my mom is his primary caregiver. So she's bitter and resentful because she retired early and thought the worst thing she would have to deal with was my dad who just doesn't ever want to do anything. But she got that plus she can't do anything because he won't let her leave the house without him. And he won't do anything to take care of himself. So she's stuck in a marriage with somebody she doesn't really like that much. 

When I got divorced, a huge driving reason in that divorce was both my ex and I looked at my parents and said I don't want to end up like that. My mom watched that divorce like she was watching her favorite movie. I firmly believe she lived vicariously through it. And she doesn't live nearby. She lives two states away. And now she's trapped in a marriage with a partner that I'm not convinced she wouldn't push in the river if she could get away with it without anyone knowing, neither of my brother nor I have kids or spouse and we both live 6 hours away. And nobody has moved back there. And nobody will. But she refuses and my dad refuses to move anywhere either. She probably would move into a senior living townhome or something, but my dad won't leave. So they're stuck in their hoarder house. Which is a hoarder house and it's getting worse by the day.

So they are my parents and I do love them. And I appreciate it everything they've done. And I understand that a lot of the things that my mom does come out of a place of love, so it's hard and there's a lot of cognitive dissonance in my head. they are difficult people, who made a lot of choices that made them even more difficult people and it made their lives more difficult. And it's a lot of a lot to deal with sometimes. But of course it's all relative. And aren't we all difficult people in our own way? Maybe. So I worry. I worry and I'm exasperated and I'm not sure what to do. Because I can't help her with a lot of the things she needs help with. And because I understand why she is frustrated in her marriage and in her situation. And I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to want to hug her or shake her. And being autistic myself, it just compounds the issue