Okay so essentially I have a college roommate who is an asshole. It's your typical Long Island shit, people who are standoffish and like kind of just casually disregard outsiders, yet it's just like bro barely acknowledges my existence half the time in a way that goes beyond "shyness." He wouldn't even say hi to me on the street until I called him out for it, and even then he made an excuse that "he had headphones in" (not true.) He presents as a kind of loser, unassuming boy but hangs out with and worships the asshole popular kids in our major. (Which is as juvenile as it sounds.)

I am seething with resentment every day as I get closer to graduation and I just want to fucking scream at him, "Why are you so fucking rude and have non regard for other people, etc etc (although longer rant and with more profanity.) But for some reason I just can't brig myself to. I've already tried civil confrontation with him and many other cliquey people at my school but it doesn't do shit so I don't want to maintain civility anymore. (Fun story he also came back wasted one day and knocked over my full Brita filter and broke it. Then he still has the audacity to never talk to me.)

Please convince me to be "mean." I'm the type of person who was bullied a lot/had family trauma where I'm paranoid of stepping on anyones toes ever or ever causing inconvenience, and then I always picture a vignette if them talking about me to their friends, like "omg, can you believe what my roommate did."

I so deeply wish i was the type of person who could "lose my temper"/composure around people when they piss me off to this extent, yet no matter what I'm just paralyzed with fear and anxiety of expressing my feelings even though I've literally had it up to here. Please convince me to be an asshole. I live with this bastard and sleep next to him every day yet he barely acknowledges my existence.