👍 to hear you're 🔥 🥵 as hell !! Hello from Arizona btw

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bluealien78@reddit

I feel you on the “losing spark” thing. I’m 47m, a runner, professionally successful, and a hobbyist gigging musician, but…divorced with no kids and rather directionless and listless. I can’t figure out what to do next with my life as the big Five Oh looms. Do I want to stay living where I am (SoCal)? Do I want to go back to country I left when I was 23 (England)? Do I retire early and do one of those round the world cruises? Or do I keep at the corporate grind until closer to retirement age? Is it too late in my life for a career pivot? Go back to school and learn something new?

I dunno. I have more questions than answers. I have a good life and good things going on, but life generally is just feeling rather meh.

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Pure_Literature2028@reddit

You’re looking at this all wrong! You’ve got choices and options! Why would you want to stay here in this political climate? Go home and invite your friends from here to visit. Go to Greece and have a wild fling. Visit all three of the ABC Islands. Make sure you’re financially stable and choose your home-base for your next chapter. You’ve got this, now enjoy it.

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DruishPrincess01@reddit

I interpret this the same way. Very lucky to have all these choices and freedom to make them.

Listen: Parimenopause is a real thing, it's CRAZY the impacts it has, and NOBODY talks about it.

But we talk more about breast cancer than we do about prostate cancer.

I think more people our age talk about it than our mothers did.. my mother insisted it’s not that big a deal and she “just got on with it” this was when my older sister was going through it and having a really hard time!

A friend of mine got hit super hard, she ended up leaving her husband after 13 years to see if she could get that spark back with someone else. I guess she felt like it was the only option she had? Now she feels the same, but alone.

We really should talk about it more, like 40+ folks joking about colonoscopies while also going to get colonoscopies.

Mean-Molasses8580@reddit (OP)

This is so kind. I really appreciate this ❤️

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ideapit@reddit

You're welcome.

Of course it does.

I didn’t say anything against those things. Show me where? Take care of yourself, I do…and I reap the benefits of it. But I also see myself as a regal queen and not brow beat myself because I’m getting older.

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Short_Year_8984@reddit

Lol. Okay touche. You're clearly hitting all the marks and all the categories! Awesome work and keep it up. 💪💪

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Mtngirl2018@reddit

Hahaha thank you! Changing my mindset like this has been powerful for my self esteem ❤️

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iwastherefordisco@reddit

Well said. I'm male and have been fortunate to reach 60 with long hair, semi muscular physique and a few wrinkles. (thanks Mom and Dad)

Life changed when I turned 58-ish, I gained 30 pounds quickly. I hate looking in a mirror because of my new muffin top hips and stomach.

ReadingAndThinking@reddit

keep the weight off

exercise

My wife is struggling with this. I think she looks great (especially for her age) but her self image is stuck in her 20s. I can’t talk her out of it. I wish I could.

My attitude is aging is better than the alternative (that being dying young). Life is short. Enjoy who you are now. Nothing is more attractive than confidence and ‘owning it’.

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reap718@reddit

I’m 49 looking at 50 and I’m a bit down on it. But kudos for taking care of yourself at 47. It is hard for me to say on this end how to make you feel better but find positive things and consider new hobbies. Keep investing in friendships.

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reap718@reddit

I’m 49 looking at 50 and I’m a bit down on it. But kudos for taking care of yourself at 47. It is hard for me to say on this end how to make you feel better but find positive things and consider new hobbies. Keep investing in friendships.

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BigFitMama@reddit

My advice - love the fact you are mobile, you have health routines for your body clearly in mind, and remember walking and moving is worth it. Experiencing the world is worth it.

(Because as a former athlete who lost her base mobility due to medical side effect - what I would give to just hike snd run and lift again without horrible pain or fainting!)

Do you like your results, otherwise?

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I’m a 47-year-old male and I got on an elevator the other day with a young girl who immediately stepped out of the elevator and I thought Jesus Christ I really am old now 🤣

Was going to say that as well.

She's gonna get a blizzard of glizzies in her inbox thanks to all the weenier centric weirdos out there. ತ⁠_⁠ತ

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Srax6@reddit

Well when you add in “bikini competitor” and say I am still in really good shape but feel unattractive is it a thirst trap or a real question?

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mercedes1948@reddit

I would suggest trying to make a really concerted effort on doing everything you possibly can to feel better about yourself...both inside and out. Pamper yourself with mani/pedis girls days, buy a new and exciting outfit to wear, maybe change up your haircolor/cut....take a new class or start a new hobby etc., go on a vacation or a mini getaway.

If you feel so horrible now at 47...how are you going to feel when you are even older? You have to try and change your mindset for your own peace and to be able to live your life with positivity and enjoyment.

In my opinion it is imperative that we try to embrace the journey of getting older. And it is damn hard. I think especially harder for women than men. We are always viewed for our beauty and youth. Sure our intelligence and skillset is important also but it is the outside aesthetic stuff that the World sees first in many ways. And as we age there is only so much we can do to fight Father time.

I read an article many years ago that stated a study that said a woman's physical beauty peaks at age 32 and that after that due to aging skin and laxity in facial musculature, collagen loss etc. bit by bit we show the aging signs more and more as the years progress.

It can be so sad and, yes, depressing. I am 61 and it is definitely a journey that takes a lot of perseverence and just getting head wrapped around fact that I am only looking older and it will only get worse as the years go by. There is nothing that exists whatsoever that is going to make me look 25 and fabulous again.

All we can do as women is to take good care of ourselves, eat healthfully, find joy in life and spend quality time with our friends and family.

As we all know....we all get either older or we die young and miss out on a longer life with the great experiences that such a longer life has the opportunity to give us. There is not one single person ever that escapes getting older and their youthful beauty changing from what it once naturally was.

I wish you the best Dear and hope you start to feel stronger and better soon! Believe me when I say I know first-hand it is not easy but always remember: We Got This!

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HTLM22@reddit

52M and - yeah. I used to run marathon and Tough Mudder. Now making it to the gym twice a week is a victory.

CPAP machine helped A LOT. Wife getting medical support for menopause.

Yes, and I think it's a mental problem for me. I'm (56m) slim and fairly fit, but noticed recently that I'm starting to get flabby anyway as gravity does its work, so plan to start doing some strength exercises as well as running. So that's one side of it. However, that's only the practical side. I'm probably losing my job this year, and I realise that the last thing I want is another job in the same industry. I just have no passion for enabling tech, and really wish I could support myself and my family while doing something a bit more worthwhile. I don't exactly have a bullshit job, though actually I've never been a tech enthusiast so in my opinion mobile telecoms is a bit bullshit, but I wish I was doing something a little more basic. So I feel old in the sense that I need a change to better fit with my emotional and "spiritual" needs. But I don't have the freedom to achieve that.

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Better-Eggplant9822@reddit

Bodybuilding competition prep can crash your hormones through the floor! You may need some HRT to start feeling normal again. Our mothers got screwed out of it because doctors were told basically nothing about menopause except "Not HRT!!! It gives you cancer!!!" Yeah... turns out they suffered needlessly. (Also the mental and emotional changes made them hell to live or work with.) Get some HRT and see how quickly you feel like yourself again! Hell, men take TRT to feel alive again, we can do the same.

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RaisedbyNuMetal@reddit

Idk how you look but definitely you cant he unhealthy since you workout. There are plenty of 40 year olds that obese or has alot of health issues. A healthy body in your 40s is a gift

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tryingtoactcasual@reddit

IDK if it’s a gift—it’s work to stay in shape. Much easier, though, to stay in shape if you are already are, versus needing to lose weight/break a lot of poor habits.

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CawlinAlcarz@reddit

As a 56 year old husband of a 54 year old wife, I'd say this sounds like perimenopause. No, I'm not saying it like some sort of period joke from high school.

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yodamastertampa@reddit

We age in spurts its not linear. You probably hit one and need to adjust to it.

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SolomonGrumpy@reddit

I noticed around 52/53 it became MUCH harder to keep my muscle mass. I go to the gym and every time I would start to make good progress with the workouts, I'd get hurt and have to take it easy.

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muhothuhstuhf@reddit

I've been posting my penis everywhere its welcome trying to build confidence and feel sexy. It worked I even had good chat.

I know its weird you should give it a shot

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stefkay58@reddit

I was thinking the same thing 😂🤣

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muhothuhstuhf@reddit

What?

OP, and other women on here, go get your colors done.

Men, give the gift of color.

lol.

Same when I had to start shaving my ears.

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AZJHawk@reddit

Yeah. Or when you go to get a haircut and they ask if you want your eyebrows trimmed.

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Mean-Molasses8580@reddit (OP)

Please tell me this just happens to men.

I read some online medical journal that said we age 2 major times in our life (ugh)

First one was around 47/48 and next one was like 60 or something.

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Ill-Dragonfruit5658@reddit

😭😭😭48 here and for some reason, this comment got me. Just ugh.

OP, maybe the spark I need is getting INTO the all natural bodybuilding. I’m pretty wimpy and would look so bad with a spray tan, but maybe this is the way.

You’ve lost nothing. What you see in a mirror isn’t what others see, I say this as the husband of a wife over a decade older than you. Somehow y’all are led to believe that women aren’t desirable as they age, they definitely are.

Mark_Underscore@reddit

Hormone optimization is a game changer. Also, we don't process proteins as well as we age. Get your hormones checked... estrogen AND testosterone. (Yes, women have T, but i'm sure you knew that already).

Add an additional protein shake to your diet.

Hormones can be checked absolutely they can be checked.

Mkay. Except literally every single doctor before prescribing HRT will absolutely check levels, so I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree.

54f

6 years ago I was doing obstacle course races, lifting weights, and a personal trainer.

Now I'm a bit overweight, suddenly smacked with wrinkles and high blood pressure and wondering how the hell I let myself get here.

But fixing to get back to that.

chamrockblarneystone@reddit

I recently lost 65 pounds on Zepbound and I feel so much better. Only problem is I now look like my father at this age and it’s totally freaking me out.

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PromiseIcy9752@reddit

I hate to be like an instagram algorithm but it might be peri menaupause related. Also if you haven’t started Botox and the whole filler journey then you lasted way longer than most! Anyway it helps a lot.

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XennialToothFairy@reddit

I agree with all of this, and hydrate!!!

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therealgookachu@reddit

Start out ugly, but stay in shape, and you’re ahead of the game. At least it worked for me.

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ADF21a@reddit

I'm older than you, but I actually feel more attractive now than in the past. In my early-mid 40s I felt really ugly, mostly because I had foregone relationships so I didn't look for and receive physical validation in romantic contexts.

So yours might be a phase. Have you managed to pinpoint the trigger for the loss of spark? In my case it was a major romantic disappointment along with trigger of my abandonment wound.

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airwalker08@reddit

I'm curious how many DM's you get from single guys responding to this

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Spickernell@reddit

im a 55m and i just want to say that i think the ladies my age are super hot. grey hair is sexy. wrinkles are hot. all you gen x women, dont stress, you are beautiful!

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Familiar-Hunt-3792@reddit

Mid to late 40's is the usual place for most people where they physically begin to recognize that age is beginning to catch up with them. The reality that they aren't as attractive, fit, or capable of certain things like they used to be hits them really hard. It leaves you with a feeling that all your best years are behind you and their is nothing left to look forward to other than a slow, decades long, decline. I understand people who think this way and do not judge them because it is a completely valid and logical way of looking at things. I just have embraced the slow, steady, inevitable decline and decided I am going to enjoy it the best I can without focusing too much on what I am slowly losing. I won't get a second chance to live so I may as well make the most of it the first time around, lol. Don't worry to much about what other people may think of you. Just do what you do and enjoy it while you can.

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w3woody@reddit

60.

You're just a kid.

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HapaHawaii@reddit

I actually needed to really hear that. 49f here. I've lost my spark

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DjQuamme@reddit

No matter how old you are, You're going to look back in 10 years and say how much better you looked then than now. We haven't lost anything until we're on the other side of the dirt.

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Quix66@reddit

I’m turning 60 in less than a month. Still single and never had kids.

I lost weight, then ended up injured and couldn’t work out. Getting back into it to feel physically better.

Do need to get out and meet more people.

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Lucifang@reddit

It’s sux how we don’t bounce back anymore. A strained muscle lingers for weeks now.

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Dumbetheus@reddit

At least you didn't only peak in high school.

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MistrBiggie@reddit

Al Bundy!

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Ok_Explorer604@reddit

I’ve noticed this more with people who’ve been active and athletic for most of their lives. As we’re forced to naturally slow down, I’m guessing that it slowly starts to affect the ego and confidence. We simply biologically cannot perform like in our 20s and 30s and the realization is sinking in. It’s about maintaining versus hitting new PRs.

I think people who discovered the health journey and became active later in life don’t experience this as much. For them, they’ve never been more fit, versus someone trying to hold on to those glory days.

minousmom@reddit

Finally admitted that my kids got it from me and got on Adderall. It’s nice to have my brain not yelling at me anymore. It’s so peaceful now.

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HalfwaydonewithEarth@reddit

I was hoping it would help me lose weight but since being on it the junk food cravings are worse. Same with you?

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minousmom@reddit

It has reduced my afternoon sugar cravings, but unfortunately, has not changed the afternoon sugar habit. ;). No weight loss for me.

You’re welcome! You’re not alone.

Init though lol

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ivyjade42@reddit

Any chance you’re in perimenopause? That can play havoc with your emotions and general well being.

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missysweid@reddit

I started at 43 and definitely agree this could be OP's issue.

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Usual-Computer7801@reddit

I was going through this for years before realizing I was in perimenopause. Got on HRT and it has been 1000% life changing.

Sidenote - check out the menopause sub on reddit. Full of so much helpful info - even to those of us that aren't menopausal. I had no idea aboutmost of this stuff before living through it.

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Mean-Molasses8580@reddit (OP)

Did you have to go to a socialist for HRT?

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Usual-Computer7801@reddit

A specialist? No, just my regular gyno, but so many people have had even better success through many of the online options for HRT. Not all gynos/docs are up-to-date date or trained on HRT, so they are negative about it or avoid it. If your dr doesn't support it, it is likely they are uneducated about it - switch doctors or find an online option.

Fyi, the 'black box' label for HRT meds has finally been removed.

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Prudent-Proof7898@reddit

Gosh that is so how I feel. Happened overnight.

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Prudent-Proof7898@reddit

Me. Same age and I was in incredible shape pre-COVID. Looked much younger than my age, and really didn't see any impact of aging on me. Has gorgeous thick long hair and clear skin.

First my hair started to fall out a few years ago, then it came back in wiry. I went through two incredibly stressful situations, which probably aided in rapid aging. I'm in fairly good shape still, but I see signs of serious aging in my face. I hate it. I also refuse to do any plastic surgery or Botox. I just feel like it looks fake.

I had a “fuck that” moment that changed many, many things, but it brought back just enough of my fire, and I chose to fan it.

Take stock of who you are now and all the amazing things about yourself. Don’t compare to the 42yo bikini competitor. Be proud of that accomplishment though—wow!!—, that discipline is still in you somewhere, fight for it. Embrace who you are now, and all that it took to get here. Some folks are shooting stars, we’re lucky to be this age.

Spend a little more time on self care right now and treat yourself to something that makes you feel beautiful every so often.

My two recent purchases: a dress I swear was made for me, and a bold red lip color I typically would never wear, but I’m loving it!

You’ve got this! You’re incredible, just as you are, you just need to remind yourself.

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Mean-Molasses8580@reddit (OP)

I don’t know who you are or where you are, but if I could, I would teleport to you and give you a great big hug for this.

Shopping online for some lipstick immediately!!

Thank you ❤️❤️❤️

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DruishPrincess01@reddit

I’m giving you a huge hug right now!!

And recommending Urban Decay lipliner in Bad Blood, with Clinique chunky cherry chubby stick lip balm over it…it’s such a gorgeous color combo 😄

And sure, perimenopause is coming for us eventually, but sometimes, it’s just a funk.

We’ll get through this one too, and our lips will be gorgeous!

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Mean-Molasses8580@reddit (OP)

I swear it’s going in my shopping cart ASAP!!!

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Mean-Molasses8580@reddit (OP)

Purchased ❤️

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DruishPrincess01@reddit

If you feel unattractive and are just looking for that spark and you're single try dating again if you're interested. I promise you that people will make you feel sexy, attractive, and wanted. That really helps me. And dating online is simple nowadays, especially for women.

Now I understand this doesn't fix how you feel internally and that's why you mix the dating with therapy. This way you always feel good about yourself.

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abstractraj@reddit

Check and see if you’re hitting perimenopause. My wife went through all sorts of stuff starting in her 40s. It took HRT and an antidepressant to get her back on an even keel

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fifthdementia@reddit

So.. 54m. In the gym my whole life, then spinal surgery, took a few years to walk down a block, but I'm now riding mountain bikes and deadlifting 300 again. The truth is the block always comes because I forget my goals. You used to compete that was the goal, the body was the ends to the method of lifting. So it seems like you're goal oriented. Maybe set a goal? I'm sure you'll find the fire again.

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forluvoflemons@reddit

It’s become difficult to look at myself in the mirror, in my clothes that doesn’t fit the way it used to too. My hair takes extra time to style, makeup-forget it! My skin isn’t dreadful, it’s just no longer youthful. I’m doing the best I can, but sometimes I feel defeated. Learning how show myself some grace.

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kittyshakedown@reddit

I struggled for a while to figure out was wrong and what had changed to make me suddenly feel so different. And things in my body just change. Seemingly overnight. Then I found out about perimenopause and just knew that was the problem. It really helped just knowing what was going on. It didn’t seem so unknown and there were changes I could make to lessen the symptoms.

After a few months I had my annual visit and talked to my obgyn about it and after some talk about the risks and a plan to monitor those, she prescribed me HRT.

I’m on day 2 and I’m cautiously optimistic. My doctor said to expect subtle changes, if any, but we could adjust things if needed.

She’s a few years older than me. She definitely commiserated with me and shared some of her struggles but I really felt the overall opinion is the risks are not worth the rewards. I’m guessing you just get through it? I was disappointed that I got that vibe. She has been my doctor since I was a young adult. I’ve always really liked her and her care.

But if I need to I’ll find another gyn and try there. There are providers that are considered menopause friendly. I might check one of those out.

My symptoms are too severe but I really just want to feel better overall. I don’t expect to feel 30 again but this doesn’t seem like something I just need to push through. That can go on forever.

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curiousLouise2001@reddit

I feel this post in my bones. Same age and I’m tired ALL the time. It doesn’t feel good :(

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Mean-Molasses8580@reddit (OP)

From one exhausted human to another: hug

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Any-Document5438@reddit

Honey, get some HRT, check with a doc you're not depressed, anaemic, hypothyroid. 47 for me was an in-between time, once I hit 50, it just all got better, not GAF helped. Unburden/ share your load. It doesn't help that the world is super nuts and depressing. I hope you feel better soonest 💚

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Mean-Molasses8580@reddit (OP)

You’re so right!

I find I have to disconnect from the news altogether now. It’s har enough navigating these new emotions… I definitely don’t need world events to add more to them..

Take it easy on yourself... it's natural to slow down and not feel so energetic on the brink of 50. And, yes, I think you will, in some objective sense, look less good: that's what aging means. I recently looked up a picture of Clint Eastwood and thought: he was the handsomest man in the world, arguably, in his prime (and even for many years after). Now, he looks very old.

But there are some silver linings here. For one thing, I'm a man about your age, and when I look at a woman my age, I see a person who looks as "young" as I do. I know objectively it's not true but so what - in a sense, they look as vital as I do.

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Mean-Molasses8580@reddit (OP)

Workouts and nutrition when you’re in competition prep is pretty intense, so I’m definitely not pushing that hard. But I’m lifting for 50 minutes and he 30 minutes of cardio. It’s still decent.

Mean-Molasses8580@reddit (OP)

Brock_Savage@reddit

Hang in there OP. I've been trying to accept the fact that I am no longer cute, athletic and high energy for almost ten years.

In all seriousness OP I am willing to bet you're not an old lady at heart and the right thing will give you back that spark. I couldn't say what it is - it could be anything from hormone treatment to discovering renewed purpose and meaning in your life. You're gonna have to push through it and try lots of different things to find the right one.

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GreatOne1969@reddit

I’m 56m and feeling down about it today, but maybe it’s the rainy weather? Walking on treadmill and free weights after work, so pretty well on diet mostly but the scale doesn’t move. I have zero metabolism anymore. Doing the best I can do while being sustainable, so it will just have to be good enough. Better than most!

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Mean-Molasses8580@reddit (OP)

Yes!!!! I’m so exhausted after work now. I honestly am ready to crash as soon as I get home.

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GreatOne1969@reddit

I’m 56m and feeling down about it today, but maybe it’s the rainy weather? Walking on treadmill and free weights after work, what keeps me going is I am usually the oldest one by far. All these 20’s chippies texting on their phones rather than working out! I can’t do what I used to but ya know what? I’m THERE!

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