Feeling selfish | TheaterFire

[-]

Motriek@reddit

It sounds like she feels safe, and knows you need to live a full life and pursue a passion... kudos on marrying one of the greats and building such great trust with her!

Get your medical if you haven't already so you don't squander your hope.
Get great life insurance without an aviation exclusion.
Getting a license is a really satisfying piece of paper, then plan to fly 40+ hours a year afterwards to keep the good times rolling. Have a look at the local hourly rental rates to decide what makes sense for you... it's easy to look at youtube and trade-a-plane and convince yourself it's a million dollar plane or nothing; when a 125/h Cessna 150 gets just as tasty a burger with one daughter on the other side of your state.

[-]

ltcterry@reddit

Your wife needs a good caregiver. You can't be a good caregiver without being a good you. You can't be a good you without allowing for some "me time."

The cool thing about flight training in this case is you can stop at any time. Reschedule. Quit. Pause. Rearrange. Etc. Restart later. Lots of options.

And a bit of pragmatic advice. Flying is not cheap. I'd highly encourage you to save up the money and put it aside to fund the training outside of your normal cashflow. It's super easy to fly faster than your spare cash can support. A Private Pilot Certificate will typically cost $18-20k in the real world.

Be safe, care for your family, and have fun!

Story - when my dad was diagnosed with esophageal cancer I was a mobilized reservist in Germany in a job I loved in my favorite city in the world. I was offered a third year on my mobilization. My dad said to take it. Thirty years before he had worked in the same building. I chose to return home and be a good son, good dad, and good husband. I don't regret that.

I took two weeks of leave when my dad was first diagnosed. I wanted to see him and I wanted to tell my kids in person. He had been a Navy fighter pilot and test pilot. And was my first glider passenger. He was super encouraging when I took a day to go become a Commercial Glider Pilot. An entire day of "me time" during the stressful two weeks.

A few years later I was back in Germany as an Army Civilian. I had been there two years out of a three year tour. My son was having issues with Bipolar Disorder that had been exacerbated by the the loss of his grandfather. I cut that tour short too - it was important to be in the same time zone as my son. And I still am.

Take good care of your wife. She understands you want to do something for yourself too. Plan your life around hers and plan her life a little bit around yours. You know what the priority is, but don't neglect the man in the mirror!

[-]

itshappybutt@reddit

As a wife, she wants to see you do this.

[-]

EliteEthos@reddit

You can literally “what if” anything and everything to talk yourself out of something.

She said you can do it. Go do it.

[-]

grumpyoldman10@reddit

I’m 43 and I just started my PPL. For me it was a little similar, but not the same. No health problems but my wife and I had a surprise pregnancy five years after my vasectomy. We had five kids together and thought things were perfect and then we got a surprise. What it did was a reset the clock for me. It means we will have another 10 years with a child at home.

So overwhelmingly it was just a realization that if I’m ever going to do it, I might as well just do it.

[-]

WhenInDoubtGoAround@reddit

One of my students is in a similar position to you. She has four children and flies once a week, and despite her busy life, she’s incredibly dedicated and always gives her best, even though her flight times are often at the break of dawn.

It’s always a pleasure when she brings her family along. They all watch proudly as she takes off for her solo flights. One of her children is especially enthusiastic about aviation, and she jokes that she might have to keep working until she’s ninety so her son can become a pilot.

[-]

grumpyoldman10@reddit

My second daughter has been talking about getting her PPL. I’ve been doing it the same way. One lesson per week. I started right after the first of the year, if I get 52 lessons in by Christmas, I should be getting close to taking my check ride

[-]

cazzipropri@reddit

Are you concerned about dying?

In General Aviation, the amount of safety you want to guarantee to your flight is for the most part your choice. You can be a safe pilot.

As of me personally in the long term, both my parents died of cancer, and I would certainly rather die in a ball of fire than how they did, so I very much have made peace with the risks of general aviation.

[-]

NYPuppers@reddit

dude some guys wife of cancer died and he decided to take a rocket to the moon last week. he had some wise words on the subject of leaving his kids behind. paraphrasing here, but show them to follow their dreams.

you can do a lot to reduce risk by not flying in bad weather, marginal weather, night, mountains, infrequently, without a parachute, in poorly maintained planes and without instructors when doing something new. if you just avoid all of that you'll see the stats start to move in your favor.

you can also just always fly with an instructor. there's no rules to how you choose to fly once you are licensed. flying is flying.

[-]

WhenInDoubtGoAround@reddit

Look at it this way: she wants you to be happy and to accomplish something meaningful in your life. She supports you because she understands more about life and its challenges, and she wants the best for you.

You could even make it a personal goal to earn your pilot’s licence so you can take her up into the sky one day. I’m sure she’d be delighted, not just because you achieved something for yourself, but because you did it for her and for your children as well.

Finally, as a pilot, you could advocate within your local flying club or chapter to organize a fly‑in or community gathering and turn it into a fundraiser for cancer research. I’m confident many people would join in and help make it a success because being a pilot it's not just about flying airplanes, it's also being part of a community.

[-]

Granite_burner@reddit

Get it now. Sharing flying with your family enables experiences that cannot be duplicated any other way.

My daughter doesn’t now like flying because she developed susceptibility to motion sickness, but the family vacations we shared flying when she was younger are an important part of our special bond. Don’t miss out any longer!

[-]

PrudentElk1636@reddit

I have stage 4 cancer and doing fine. If my husband wanted to get his pilots license I would be so happy for him. But it would be tough pulling him away from the golf course. 😊

Do it! Don’t put it off. Treatment options are amazing for so many of us, because of that those of us with metastatic cancer feel like we are living with a chronic illness not a death sentence.

Now get on out there and sign up!! Be safe.

[-]

PeaceLvSpreadsheets@reddit

I have a pilots license and loved flying so much, even if it was just my hobby. I loved Oshkosh, I loved $100 hamburgers, I got my instrument rating, my kids would go with me and we’d have the best time.

Then late last year I was diagnosed with breast cancer, the aggressive kind that’s an express train to months of chemo, and my flying came to a screeching halt. I miss it so much. My friends sometimes take me on an airplane ride but it’s not the same.

So yeah ask your wife but personally I think anybody who can get a medical should cherish it and do everything they want to do. Fly because I can’t, you know? If you get to take her on a ride it’ll be a nice distraction.

And while I’m here, fuck cancer. I’m barely stage 2 so my prognosis is better than your wife, but now that I’ve had this little glimpse of how much treatment just takes from us, fuck cancer all day. I hope your wife continues to hold on and stay with us and fight.

[-]

docNNST@reddit

I got my pilots license as a 35 year old single dad of two kids under two. Just do it man

[-]

kivathewolf@reddit

🫡

[-]

EnthusiasmHuman6413@reddit

Hell yea, brother. Love it.

[-]

docNNST@reddit

Life is too short. I started when I was 19 and I was like not the best time money wise but I am alive now so now is the time

[-]

pilotjlr@reddit

It's not selfish to want to have some fun and accomplish the things you want in life. That said, balancing overall risk is a judgment call and is difficult.

Some people get their fun through reckless ways (BASE jumping, super fast motorcycles, etc). I think most would agree that is better suited for a single person who isn't responsible for others.

So really your question comes down to: is this safe or not? Are you being unreasonable doing this, with two children? The group here is biased, since we're pretty much all flying.

Unlike some hobbies, like motorcycles, you can control risk to a large (but not total) extent. You can choose to only fly in day VFR. You can commit to cancel any flight with the slightest maintenance concern. You can fly a plane with a parachute (Cirrus)... that's a divisive topic somethings, but the reality is the parachute does give you another safety net.

Flying is dangerous if a person is careless. It's, IMO, safe if you're careful and conscientious and make good decisions. And you do still have a life to live, so you should.

Good luck to your wife, and I hope she remains in remission.

[-]

N70968@reddit

As someone who's in a somewhat similar situation (she was diagnosed in 2011 and thankfully nothing since the treatments), I can say that she wants you to be happy, too. Being the care giver is not an easy job, even though you know you "have it easier". My partner always encourages me to fly, and I have an instrument rating and a plane because of her support. You won't regret it, but you have to let the guilt go. Hopefully she enjoys flying as well, and you can make memories going places.

[-]

EnthusiasmHuman6413@reddit

17 and 11?! Show them kids how to follow their dreams! You’re wife supports you?! Go do it man. I got all my ratings with a family. It does feel selfish but you have to model for your kids. Would you want your children to not pursue their goals/dreams because they feel the way you’re feeling?

What would you tell them if they were feeling the same way you are now?

[-]

vivalicious16@reddit

If she’s given you full support, take it and run with it. You can make it a family thing, take your kids and wife up eventually. You’ll 100% regret not taking the leap.

[-]

Swimming_Way_7372@reddit

Whats your goal with flying ? I've trained people who got their private certificate and never flew again. I feel bad for them but maybe they were just after the sense of accomplishment. Decide if you plan to buy a plane, join a club or maybe even fool around long enough that you set yourself up for a second career as you get to your mid 50s. Go for it but have a goal set and have fun.

[-]

Stunna2018@reddit

Follow your dreams man. You can’t go wrong. If that’s what you’ve always wanted to do, do it.

[-]

rFlyingTower@reddit

This is a copy of the original post body for posterity:

So, I’m 47 and my wife is 50. She was diagnosed 7 years ago with metastatic breast cancer. She has been doing really well and in remission the last 7 years till about 6 months ago where she had slight progression.

Her oncologist changed her meds and she has been doing really well.

I’ve always wanted to get my pilots license and have just kept putting it off. We have 2 daughters 17 and 11.

My wife has given me full support to get my pilot license.

I, however,much as I want this have reservations about mainly the what ifs happening to me with aviation. Despite her blessings, I still feel some guilt, pressure, and some level of selfishness.

Any guidance, thoughts, and suggestions are welcomed.

Please downvote this comment until it collapses.

Questions about this comment? Please see this wiki post before contacting the mods.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. If you have any questions, please contact the mods of this subreddit.

[-]

AutoModerator@reddit

Hi, I'm a bot and it looks like you're asking a question about medical issues: diagnosed.

Medicals can be confusing and even scary, we get it. Unfortunately, the medical process is very complex with many variables. It's too complex, in fact, for any of us to be able to offer you any specific help or advice.

We strongly suggest you discuss your concerns with a qualified aviation medical examiner before you actually submit to an official examination, as a hiccup in your medical process can close doors for you in the future. Your local AME may be able to provide a consultation. Other places that may provide aeromedical advice include: AOPA, EAA, the Mayo Clinic, and Aviation Medicine Advisory Service.

For reference, here is a link to the FAA's Synopsis of Medical Standards and for more in-depth information here is a link to the FAA's Guide for Aviation Medical Examiners.

Also, feel free to browse our collection of past medical write-ups and questions in our FAQ.

Finally, we suggest you read the instructions on the medical application very closely. Do not volunteer information that isn't asked for, but also do not lie. Some people may urge you to omit pertinent information, or even outright lie, on your medical application in order to avoid added hassle and expense in obtaining a medical certificate. Know that making false statements on your medical application is a federal crime and that people have been successfully prosecuted for it. But for heaven's sake, don't tell the FAA any more than you absolutely have to.

If you're not in the United States, the above advice is still generally correct. Just substitute the FAA with your local aviation authority.

Good luck!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.