Preparing for end of life plans
Posted by Carrots-1975@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 118 comments
Making sure my kids are prepared when I pass has been on my mind a lot- I’m divorced and both my kids (22 & 25) still live with me. I’m not sick or anything so I’m not planning for this to happen soon, but I want to go ahead and have the conversation. I want to be cremated and they can choose what to do with my ashes. I own my home, a car, and have 2 life insurance policies totaling $150,000. Everything will be split evenly. I plan to assemble a folder with all the info they’ll need- insurance policies, title, deed, ongoing bills, etc but what else should I include? My parents are still living so I’ve not had to deal with this- just curious what other plans everyone has in place.
Quirky-Attitude1456@reddit
A folder with all the info is nice, but do yourself a favor, see an estate attorney and set it all up in a trust. There will be so many fewer complications when you pass that it will be worth every penny you spend on it. Trust me on this
dechets-de-mariage@reddit
This is the answer, especially if you’re divorced (although maybe less critical since they are adults). Put it all in a trust for your kids and set up how it gets disbursed. You don’t even have to have all the answers walking in; mine asked me questions and set it up based on my answers.
I did this so if I passed when my son was still a minor, the house would be sold and the proceeds go into the trust. Otherwise if he got the house then it would end up with my ex.
BBorNot@reddit
Do this, OP.
trUth_b0mbs@reddit
will/POA (medical and otherwise).
make sure that your accounts/assets have either a designated beneficiary or successor holder and make sure you get a copy of the paper work that details this info from the bank/investment firms. You may have submitted it but that doesn't mean they actually did it (happened to my friend's husband; when she passed, her partner discovered that the paperwork for him being the beneficiary was 'lost' and he had to spend months in probate court).
list of all accounts and passwords for your family members (so they can close the accounts/deactivate them etc). Identify theft of the deceased is a real thing.
Select-Pie6558@reddit
Also, make sure you have your living will, advanced directive and that they know what care you want or don’t want if you’re unable to communicate. Being able to read and follow those instructions save a ton of heartache when you know it’s what your loved one wanted. (Lost my parents and in-laws over 3 years, and had to do a lot of the hard stuff)
Jwheat71@reddit
Financial advisor/attorney for a trust and The Neptune Society will take care of your mortal remains no matter where you are in the world . The Financial advisor will make sure that everything is in order and there will be no issues passing any assets to your children.
WaterwingsDavid@reddit
Yes, if one is in a probate state a trust is the way to go to avoid the estate passing thru probate court, which can be a very lengthy process.
Salt-Environment9285@reddit
PLEASE make your plans and tell your children. i lost my oldest son tragically and making arrangements while in the depths of grief is devastating. you do not need to discuss inheritance etc... that may change.
let them know where the paperwork will be.
SereniteeF@reddit
Birth certificate (I needed it w/my mom, it was ridiculous), copy of drivers license & SS card.
Passwords, or password to any vault system you use as well as security question answers.
Listing of insurance policies (including medical), retirement, banks
Your primary doctors name and office number (in case assistance is needed regarding any bills
Make sure your life insurance has beneficiaries set, and bank accounts have a POD/TOD (payable/transferable upon death).
Of you have any items you’d like to go to someone else, put it in there.
SereniteeF@reddit
Oh, and iPhone has a legacy contact feature who can then get into your phone if set. I’m sure android must as well
VeniVidiVici_19@reddit
As someone dealing with my brother’s estate right now, it is so wonderful that you are trying to make this as easy as possible for your kids. He passed unexpectedly with no will, no spouse, and no kids. So I’ve had to do a lot of digging to try to figure out what he had and how to get into accounts.
Some things to think about: Consider paying your preferred funeral for a pre-need so your kids don’t have to pay the bill before life insurance claim pays out.
In your folder of documents have a sheet with all your accounts (checking, savings, investments, retirement, insurance, electric, water, etc.) which includes login information as well as account numbers. Make sure you have your email with password, your phone passcode, and any other details they will need to get into your financial life after you’re gone.
Have the conversation now with your kids about what they will want to do with the house and specify it in your will. If you don’t specify, they will either have to sell it and split the profit or one will have to pay the other half the cost of the home in order to own it.
If you are able, have an estate lawyer draw all this up for you and pay them ahead of time to do the administrative work to settle your estate after death.
I’m trying to do it for my brother and it is absolutely horrible. I don’t know what I’m doing despite all the research I’ve done. I find every step I take I’m missing a form or was supposed to do something else first. It’s frustrating and also very heartbreaking because every step makes it more real that he’s gone.
deadzol@reddit
“Letter from your dead husband”
https://g.foolcdn.com/img/editorial/external_m/PDFs/DeadLetterChecklist.PDF
Right-Eye-Left-Eye@reddit
Write down your bank names, house utilities information, email passwords and anything else that you get emailed that they need to know about
tc_cad@reddit
Just met with my new financial advisor on Monday. Laid out the plan for leaving my loved ones with something. Next up is the lawyer. I should have everything in place later this spring for whenever me or my wife die. House is paid off, life insurance paid out to the kids.
Doorknob6941@reddit
When my dad reaized he was down to six months left to live he started diving things up between us kids so there would be no fighting. By the time he passed, everything was divided and no hurt feelings.
Altruistic_Worker600@reddit
I’ve been after my parents for a year to please get this kind of stuff organized for us three siblings, but I keep getting brushed off.
All I know is that the guy who was executor of their will died years ago, and I heard that they have two cemetery plots somewhere but I don’t know where.
FML
Adrift715@reddit
Thank you for doing that. It might not even be end of life…just some all too common illness that takes you out of commission for a while. Tried to have that conversation with my 80 something mother recently who acted like I was invading her privacy, had ulterior motives.
Flashy_Geologist_877@reddit
Same with my 95 year old mother. She owned a business (managed by my brother), had 8 living adult children, and was in a nursing home before she agreed to meet with an estate attorney. She passed away two months later. She was SO worried that she would lose “control” of her assets. She did not trust others BECAUSE she could not be trusted.
Academic_Airport_889@reddit
If you arent comfortable with a joint owner on the account, you can add pods to your bank accounts and tod to cds, make sure iras , mutual funds have beneficiaries
thedudeintx82@reddit
I'm actually working on this now. I'm doing a few things:
I have some assets so I'm working on putting all those things in a trust. Things like my house and I have a taxable managed portfolio. Those things will be put in there with a split of 90% going to my daughter and 10% going to my niece.
I'm setting up a medical power of attorney with my sister as that person. She will also be the trustee.
I'm going to have an advanced directive that clearly states when it's ok to "pull the plug"
There will also be a will for all things I'm unable to put in the trust. I have some family heirlooms, comics, and things like that. Those will be dolled out in that manner.
I hope this helps out. The people who help manage my investments set me up with an estate planning attorney and these things were their recommendation.
81632371@reddit
From recent experience, I recommend your plug-pulling directions include whether you want to be hospitalized and/or medicated and under what circumstances you want these withheld.
thedudeintx82@reddit
Absolutely. I know about that unfortunately due to my late wife having these things in place. It gave me peace of mind knowing I executed her wishes exactly as she intended. There was specific language in there that said "If I'm being kept alive by a machine, I want all treatment stopped and hospice care to be the next step". When the doctors came to tell me it was time to stop treatment, they specifically said the words "she's being kept alive by machines" and I immediately stopped all treatment and got her into a nice hospice facility.
81632371@reddit
I don't mean machines. Those are the 'easy' ones. I mean things like withholding medication or not hosptalizing under any circumstances.
thedudeintx82@reddit
Appreciate the further clarification there.
Vegaprime@reddit
Book of usernames and passwords.
digawina@reddit
This one is huge. I have a system for mine you can access with one password that I give to my spouse. He has a syntax he uses, but the password varies by account and would still never be able to get it. I know he uses a band name that starts with the name of the account (like an M band for the Marriott account) but like I fucking know what bands! It's gonna be A TIME for me if he goes first.
FleetAdmiralCrunch@reddit
I also added a map of all financial accounts and how they are connect, and the beneficiary info. Add in the in case of death file with passwords, wills, and other instructions. Make sure the kids know where the files are and keep them secure.
Vegaprime@reddit
"She said they were on the computer.."
Left-Ad4466@reddit
I would strongly recommend a visit with an estate planning attorney. Get the trust, will, POA, etc. setup so everything is clear and in writing. My dad passed in an accident and had a folder with labeled “in case of death” and it was invaluable. He had the trust and related documents, all bank/investment info, all life insurance info, all real property info. He was also a veteran and had the paperwork necessary so he could be buried in the VA cemetery. Being buried in the VA cemetery is free so it was great that he had all these documents pulled. Losing dad in an accident was shocking, the fact that he was so organized added some ease to the situation.
digawina@reddit
Yes! Estate planner. When we went through ours, one of the things I distinctly remember being told is "make it so your loved ones don't have to go to probate court while mourning you. It's the last thing they need."
Left-Ad4466@reddit
I forgot to mention, add your children as authorized users on your bank accounts now. When my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and deemed incompetent, one of her banks was requiring that her doctor complete their forms in order for me to be given access to her accounts. They would not accept the documents drawn up by her estate planning attorneys. 🙄
Mangolandia@reddit
The house in particular needs to be protected or it will be an asset that the state will take if you need institutional care
amodernjack@reddit
My wife and I bought the book “I’m dead now what” and worked with an estate attorney to create the legal documents we needed. Working with an attorney is a huge benefit in my opinion.
Extension_Case3722@reddit
Question for the crowd- does anyone know if your elderly parent took a reverse mortgage on her house does that remove it from the revocable trust?
NoMenuAtKarma@reddit
IANAL, but taking out a reverse mortgage doesn't remove property from a Revocable Trust. It's not much different from having a traditional mortgage on the house, except that the loan balance goes up over time, as equity is pulled out of the house. The beneficiary would need to pay off the reverse mortgage balance to transfer the property into their names.
Extension_Case3722@reddit
Got it thank you!
NHmountain-man@reddit
This is an amazing and very loving thing to do. It seems morbid to some, but really you are making things so much easier when you are gone. I applaud you. I have estate/EOL plans in place myself.
This is one of those areas you spend a few dollars - I HIGHLY recommend you talk to an attorney in your area (face to face if possible to weed out someone across the country) and ask them what you are missing. DNR, power of attorney, revocable trust(s) if you choose, etc.
butterflieskittycats@reddit
As someone who is 3 years into probate on the estate of my last parent who passed do yourself and your children a huge favor and engage in an estate attorney and consider a trust.
My siblings and I agree with everything and act as one, no fighting, no arguing, no bills, everything paid off. There's no debt whatsoever and still here we are getting sucked out of thousands of dollars a year because the County won't let it end.
You can still list your wishes and make them known but definitely plan with an estate attorney to figure out what is best.
Good_Queen_Dudley@reddit
This! Revocable trust, put your house in it and various wishes. It basically ensures everyone tows the line on how things break out if you pass, no family fighting and I came from a family who did this and the trust saves lots of legal bills.
Beginning_Lunch_9113@reddit
Trust, get a trust. If not it is a massive pain for your kids.
Specific-Owl9989@reddit
Can you explain a bit more? Why?
poppinwheelies@reddit
With a trust in place, you can avoid your estate going into a probate. You create a trust with your heir(s) as the beneficiaries and it will transfer upon death to them. That's the gist of it anyway. State laws can be different and there could be other benefits.
Beginning_Lunch_9113@reddit
This ☝🏻
NoMenuAtKarma@reddit
A lot of people have mentioned a DNR and having explicit instructions for what care you want/dont want when you're dying and I wanted to elaborate on just why this is SO important.
My grandmother likely had a stroke the night before Thanksgiving, 2022. My mom was a spoiled asshole, so she called me to deal with it, lest it spoil the lovely Thanksgiving she shared wuth the family she cares about (which wasn't me.)
However, they were able to dictate her initial care plan, as nothing was set up ahead of time. My step father refused to let hospice staff give her pain meds because his mom was doped up on pain meds for months by his sisters and she hated it. Somehow that was a good reason not to give Granny pain meds when she was actively dying in his completely self obsessed mind.
Having those things in her DNR and care plan would have taken those decisions out of his self-absorbed hands and prevented her from potentially being in severe pain for hours until I could get in touch with Granny's provider. She moaned quite loudly when her nurses would move her so she was probably able to process pain for quite some time after the initial stroke injury.
grumpvet87@reddit
passwords to your phone and online accounts are critical.
cutsryd@reddit
I have a Trust and a DVD burned with everything from cremation (already paid) and dispersal schedule of assets. No probate, no sibling arguments. Even have suggested Playlist for Celebration of Life Party 😅🥳
81632371@reddit
From recent experience, have an account that you share with one or both children. A POA is difficult to deal with, many hoops to use it. When you have a joint account the second holder can step right in, no questions asked. If you have a sudden medical issue, this can be invaluable (my parent became unable to manage affairs literally overnight).
Death certificates can take more than a week to obtain, so any accounts that require one are not immediately accessible. I had accounts that took 2-4 weeks to access because they were distributed to my sibling and I. We each had to submit paperwork.
Set up your 2 factor authorizations to go to phone or email. I was dealing with my situation from out of state so I didn't have access to the phone but I was able to access the email.
Name trusted contacts with your banks/investment accounts (if any).
See if your state allows you to name a beneficiary for your vehicle (and your children's if they are in your name). My state does, so they don't have to probate.
LightBeerOnIce@reddit
All done. Divorced retired. Grown sons in their 30's. We all live in different states. I even created an "oh fuck" list of my routines, bill pays dates, access, asked credit card for travel, where to find things, and a secret stash box of stuff along with fire proof bags. 50/50 sell it or whatever and on my advance health directive we are on the same page. Im still pretty young but this gives me so much peace of mind.
curious-thatguy@reddit
I appreciate your honesty and words I’d just like to say, remember through all of your questions and search for answers to this question. You find ways to make yourself find some happiness for yourself and your loved ones. Your still around and you can work on those things along the way Just saying. ✌️👊
jennifer_m13@reddit
If you haven’t already, maybe look into long term care insurance.
NoMenuAtKarma@reddit
Also get the type that pays a death benefit if you don't use it. My mom paid handsomely for a policy, as she was convinced she'd be in a nursing home well into her 90's. She died very unexpectedly at 74, (she only outlived her mother by 3 years) and didn't use a single day of that expensive policy.
HurleyRec@reddit
Get it early. If you develop a preexisting condition, you won’t qualify.
Flat_6_Theory@reddit
Don’t forget to have someone appointed as your executor when having your will drawn up. Make sure you have absolute confidence in them and talk to them about expectations. It’s amazing what death and money does to people. I convinced my sister to hand over that title to me when our dad passed in ‘22 as she was taking liberties with his bank account and selling things like jewelry. Made all the difference in getting the assets/money to a proper even split (ours was three way so I kept the leftover $.01 as payment for services rendered). Needed an attorney to get it done proper and legal.
Make sure they know who your attorney and accountant are as well as how to contact them.
Passwords, passwords, passwords. And lists of accounts, credit cards, etc. Didn’t have that with dad and it was a pain figuring it out so accounts got closed and making sure all debts were settled. Luckily he had mostly settled accounts when I took over. I keep a physical book of this info so my wife and boys can handle any necessary business.
RickRI401@reddit
Hire an attorney and ask about putting your assets into an irrevocable trust. Speak to the kids and have the conversation, " Hey, I'm not getting younger, and someday this will have to be cleaned up and divided, so let's settle this. Is there anything that you would like to have after I'm gone?" Or, you could begin to part with things that you no longer use and see your kids enjoy the tangible things that they may want.
Now, an irrevocable trust permanently transfers your assets from personal property. This will avoid probate, reduce estate taxes, and protect any assets from creditors looking to collect from you after you pass. You'll have to appoint a trustee to distribute the property.
I'm in the process of doing this myself, with my home, 3 cars, a boat, and bank accounts; there is a decent amount of "wealth" that we've accumulated. Thankfully, we have no bills, other than the monthly utility bills, and the mortgage that we have 10 years left on. And we want as much to go to our beneficiaries after we croak.
Special_Cranberry679@reddit
I purchased a Peace of Mind Planner from Amazon. I am getting all of this info together too.
“We never know when we’re gonna go.”
Individual_Check_442@reddit
This. There are good planers that think of everything.
Gamma_Chad@reddit
Passwords... for the love of god, PASSWORDS. My wife passed away on Christmas Eve last year... we ran our company together and not having access to a lot of the software we use daily has been a real headache. Especially after I closed down her credit cards.
Being able to get into your financial accounts, bank account and stuff will be key before "the bureacracy of death" takes over.
Affectionate-Map2583@reddit
Not only passwords, but challenge questions if applicable. I couldn't get into one of my father's accounts, because no one could figure out where he said his dream vacation spot would be.
lovepony0201@reddit
A thousand times this!
Artios-Claw@reddit
You don’t mention a will. Without a will none of this matters. You also need a health care directive. Set everything up so when you die they do not need to go through probate. Make sure they or your executor has access to important computer files and passwords. Write personal letters to each child.
willingzenith@reddit
Make sure someone knows how to gain access to your phone and/or computer.
Also include your wishes for burial/cremation/obituary, etc. Even if you don’t pre-pay anything. It’s very helpful for those left behind to know they are honoring your wishes.
in-a-microbus@reddit
Make sure they are on board with the idea. Remember: if you believe in an afterlife that's just your body. And if you don't believe in an afterlife that's just your body. Funerals should be comfort to the living, because the dead don't feel discomfort.
Any_Community_210@reddit
You can go ahead and preneed pay the funeral home/cemetery and plan your funeral. I’ve been doing that piecemeal over the past few years. Bought the plot, then the marker, up next is the funeral package. It takes away the emotional decisions and arranges what I want done
Have LTC insurance if you can, if you can’t get LTC then move all your assets into a trust because of the Medicaid look back period.
Set up everyone as a beneficiary on all your accounts. Have a folder with hard copies of every account not just financial but include utility bills that may need paid in the interim. Include insurance policies and contact numbers to file a death claim. Put that in a fire safe with any gold or what not you may have. I have my combination written on the margin of a very specific page of a very specific book.
decadentbear@reddit
All of that is great. I would put into a trust so that they can bypass probate which requires money and time. I also encourage you to prepare a durable power of attorney n the vent you are incompetent. Many of us don’t think we will be but it saves a lot of money for filing guardianship. Also an advanced directive/living will so your wishes are followed and it helps not place guilt in your kids making decisions.
ValuableGrowth8528@reddit
Came here to say exactly this. A durable POA was invaluable when my mother developed dementia. She had a trust but some other accounts still had to go through probate and it was a pain in the neck to deal with court out of state.
learygirl@reddit
Preplan and prepay for funeral/cremation. Takes a lot of stress off them if it is already planned ahead of time. No arguing!
BSTXUSA@reddit
I have been thinking about doing this!
Polarfan@reddit
My mom is 82 but we've had this talk and she has everything in a binder, her service paid for, life insurance up to date. There are a few funeral expenses you can't pay for ahead of time but the life insurance will take care of it. I don't know what your state is, but here the biggest and last thing we are doing is a revokable living trust. This will ensure my sister and I will get the house and not have to go thru the hell that is probate. we will avoid additional taxes, and reassessment of property taxes. And one of the hardest to talk about might be the most important. Your DNR end of life care. You have to have it in writing it has to be accessible. Do you want to be revived? Do you just want to be made comfortable? Do you want a feeding tube? Do you just want oxygen? If there is nothing in place Dr's have to work on you and then you might be "alive" but a veggie. I'm really glad your doing this for your kids and I hope your bring it up to your parents.
yabbobay@reddit
We set up a trust when my dad was dying. In the US it's better to have it set up earlier as the money is protected if they need a nursing home. I think 5 year look back? My dad only made 6 weeks after the trust, but now my mom is set. She was worried about losing control of her money, but the lawyers and advisors know all the loopholes, that she hasn't really been affected.
Polarfan@reddit
Oh that's good. There are so many different rules and loopholes from state to state much less country to country!
rebootto2027@reddit
So many good answers. I have two boys the same age. I have my house set with a transfer on death deed, legal in my state. I have set up every single account - checking, savings, brokerage, pensions, everything with a 50-50 beneficiary. They will be able to access my bank account right away because of this as long as they have my death certificate.
I’ve told them what things in the house have value. I’m not a jewelry person so don’t go searching for any gold or diamonds. I don’t hide money in books, etc.
They both work together as well oiled team, so I don’t think there will be issues about what to do with the house. We’ve talked about options for them. They know where to access all of my account information, how to access online passwords, etc.
I am an ultra anal retentive planner and have gone through managing a couple of family deaths, including my husband and my mother, so I am well aware of how to avoid the worst of the problems going through this process. If I couldn’t do a transfer on death deed, I definitely would have a trust, but in my case it’s not needed.
We discussed end of life issues for me and what my after death preferences are. Honestly, I couldn’t care less, I won’t be around, so I want them to do whatever they want to do for their peace of mind. If they could bury me in the backyard, dude, do it.
writtenbyrabbits_@reddit
You need an advance directive, a power of attorney/medical decision making, a will, an up to date list of all assets, accounts, account numbers, login information, decide whether it makes sense to switch your accounts to be payable on death so that they do not need to go through probate, any accounts that can have a beneficiary must have this information up to date. Have your funeral wishes identifying in writing in advance. Have your socials logins identified so people can handle that. Have copies of your identifying documents (birth cert, ss card, divorce cert, passport, driver's license) available and included in your end of life package. Maybe a letter to each kid telling them how you feel about them.
Status-Effort-9380@reddit
If you are an AARP member, they have a discount on Trust & Will site. I’ve been very impressed with it. Super easy to use.
Fritz5678@reddit
Add your kids names to the share health info with every doctor that you see. Even if you never need it, it would be good in case shit goes down and you are unable give permission then.
mlachick@reddit
Talk to an estate planning attorney and get a grantor trust set up. Anyone with more than minimal assets should honestly have one. It's about the only way to avoid probate, which is expensive and time-consuming.
BosPatriot71@reddit
This is the way.
Nooccassion@reddit
Probate is very state specific. It is not very expensive or cumbersome in many states. Florida and California are the top places to try to avoid probate.
Finding_Way_@reddit
My parents chose to be cremated and to donate their bodies to a medical school. It ended up being a gift in many ways, first of all to the students at the schools. Secondly to us as there was no cost and absolutely no troubles. They cremated them and returned the ashes to us along with nice heartfelt letter from the Dean.
Once a year the medical school has a service for those who do this. The school was several hours away and we did not go but two cousins who are in that area did and said it was non-denominational and respectful and many more relatives than they thought were present.
Just as an FYI. You can arrange it yourself and simply give your kids the card with the medical school name and number to call when you pass, if it's something you're interested in doing. My parents were always believers in service, and I think of it as literally even in death serving others.
Otherwise, I too will be following this thread as dealing with one of my parents estates was in all other ways a bit of a nightmare.
2PlasticLobsters@reddit
A lot of people have felt better after doing some Swedish death cleaning.
writtenbyrabbits_@reddit
It's a good way to live!
rks1743@reddit
I have a list of all passwords to financial accounts. I have a pour-over will and revocable family trust. My wife and I are the trustees and kids as successor trustees.
For people that are afraid of loosing all your assets to the government if you are in long-term care; please look in to an UNREVOCABLE trust. It will have a 60 month look-back so the sooner, the better.
EnjoyingTheRide-0606@reddit
Passwords to your accounts.
Wishes for your stuff to be donated, sold, split between them.
Sell or gift the home? Mine will be sold so the profits split equally in my estate. I will include no loved ones can buy it from my estate unless at market value. I don’t want it to be passed down.
Provisions for pets.
Tell them what to do with your ashes. No one wants them once your grandchildren are elderly. Sadly, in two generations no one remembers us.
Limp_Insurance_2812@reddit
"Tell them what to do with your ashes. No one wants them once your grandchildren are elderly."
Really good point. Most people who end up with ashes try to figure out where the person would want them spread, just tell them so they don't have to guess.
13maven@reddit
Who is your lawyer? Do you want a DNR? Do you have a living will? Also, passwords to everything.
oxcart77@reddit
Put the home in a trust allows your kids to bypass probate. Also consider medical and financial power of attorneys
IndependentlyGreen@reddit
Yep, came here to say this.
Nira_50@reddit
We added beneficiaries on every account we could, including investment and bank accounts, so there's minimal delay to transfer funds. I remember when my dad died, he didn't have my stepmother listed on his accounts in anyway and she had to borrow money to pay the mortgage and other monthly bills.
Poodlepied@reddit
Have beneficiaries on all of your accounts!
Demostecles@reddit
Just updated all of these the other morning.
mden1974@reddit
Have all the paperwork in order and kids names on all the accounts with authorization to let them have access to whatever they want.
Have a will!!!
Dealing with all my mom’s shit after she died has been a full time job. Banks and investment groups do not want to give up my mom’s money. We have to get every single paper notarized and it’s been six months that since she died and we are still dealing with all the paperwork. This doesn’t even include what’s going through probate.
I’m honestly just ready to leave certain piles of money where it’s at bc it’s just been to hard to get from their hands
Dapper_Tap_9934@reddit
Great to plan ahead and all know the plans
procrasstinating@reddit
A list of bank, credit card and investment accounts or at least what companies you use. Same for any utilities if they are going to take over your house. Or just keep a physical print out of a statement or bill for each in a folder with your will. With so many things having electronic statements and autopay bills it’s really hard to find out where everything is held or who to contact to cancel/change service.
They don’t need password. The accounts shouldn’t be accessed after the owners death. Once they have a death certificate they can contact the company and do what they need.
mamapello@reddit
I recommend the book, "I'm dead, now what" or something similar. It goes through a lot, and has blank pages where you can add other things.
poppinwheelies@reddit
OP, you should really consult with an estate planning attorney in your state. You might want to consider putting your home into a trust.
threelittlebards@reddit
While you’re in this preparation state of mind, also consider your DNR status. Visit with your doctor and have a Providers Orders for Life Sustaining Treatment (POLST) form completed and in your file, let your family know your wishes so they don’t have to make a tough decision if something unexpected were to happen.
LonesomeBulldog@reddit
Do a transfer on death deed for your property. When my MIL died, her house transferred instantly to my wife. We were in the middle of closing to sell it and it didn’t even delay it one day. For her bank account, my wife was a co-owner so it didn’t even delay not freeze upon death. My wife was the beneficiary on all retirement and investment accounts. Didn’t have to go through probate for anything and everything was fully in my wife’s name within a month once they signed off on the death certificate. Everything was insanely easy and cost no money to do.
Alarming-Hope-2541@reddit
A box with everything in it is 100% the way to go. My mom and dad had everything together. Military papers, SS cards, bank info, life insurance policies, and passwords. The one thing when my dad passed was the sheer amount of death certificates I needed. It was ridiculous. Everyone needed an original. This is so kind of you to do. It definitely is not a fun topic, but necessary.
KrofftSurvivor@reddit
Think about before the end of life planning.
Over 50% of adults will eventually need some form of long term care, whether that be services in a home, assisted living, or full nursing home care.
And it's not like we get to pick which one we're going to wind up needing, and it's equally difficult to predict whether that will be for some form of aging related dementia or for physical reasons or both.
This is probably the least prepared for end of life issue that most adult children will face for aging parents.
Active_Unit_9498@reddit
Advanced medical directives, combinations to safe(s), account info, etc.
t65789@reddit
You should go around your house with them and talk about who would like to have some of your other possessions. That ugly painting from Auntie Judith? That toilet paper roll cover doll from Grandpa Tim? That way there’s no fighting about the “treasures” when you’re gone.
ErnestBatchelder@reddit
You need to do some consideration for different contingencies. A lot will happen between "Now I am old" and "Now I am dead," including a period of incapacity, dementia, or physical decline that makes it difficult for you to manage staying in that home. Sounds like you are lucky enough not to have had to interfere or help with your parents' care, which is the real teacher. Peek over at r/AgingParents for some scenarios.
TinyPinkSparkles@reddit
Medical and Financial PoA. You don't know how you are going to go. If you get dementia or a TBI and can't make sound decisions for yourself, set it up so one of them can easily step in.
umeboshiplumpaste@reddit
Even with an elder law/estate attorney, buy yourself a Nokbox. ("Next of Kin Box")
Get one for each of your kids, too.
Not sure if I can paste links here without getting flagged, but it's easy to find their website.
Suspicious_Spite5781@reddit
This was gonna be my suggestion, too!
umeboshiplumpaste@reddit
I got one for my mom and brother. She is 76 and so grateful. Also bought the fireproof cases from Amazon since they're cheaper. We had a house fire in the 90s, so a little bit of protection feels good, even though it won't really protect anything.
Ironically, the only one who will use my box is my attorney since I'll be an orphan ultimately. But having stuff in one place will be helpful for somebody!
ResearcherNo9971@reddit
Don't forget a list of vital passwords so they can cancel accounts and subscriptions.
Guilty-Reindeer6693@reddit
Add your kids' as POD (pay on death) to your bank account(s).
Kuddos to you for prepping this stuff in advance. My father did, and it made everything so much easier during such a crappy time.
xtrobot@reddit
Passwords. All the passwords.
Witty-Ad9507@reddit
Oh no! They must have "those" passwords. One last trauma after your gone. Once they get over it, it will be a funny ass sorry for them to tell friends.
missdawn1970@reddit
I've been thinking about that a lot too. I need to make a will and put together a notebook with all the info my kids will need after I'm gone-- life insurance, the deed to my house, what to do with my remains, etc.
Sea_Staff9963@reddit
Contact a funeral home and pre-pay for a plan. It can cost $10K plus to deal with everything. When you pass, your kids will only need to call the funeral home and they can do everything. They won't need to front the money until the life insurance pays out. My mom's plan included the gratuity for the pastor, catering, obituary in the local paper - absolutely everything. It was a real gift to not worry about any of that after she passed.
beneficialmirror13@reddit
My mom made a file additionally with all her online accounts login and passwords so we could cancel or close everything. That helped a lot as well.
yabbo1138@reddit
It's very important to lay out things like medical directives and putting someone in charge of that.
cp4905@reddit
Start a trust and put the assets in it. Saves probate and lots of headaches.
JustSomeYukoner@reddit
I know when my mom passed, her vision for her funeral was incredibly helpful for my sister and I. Mom had music she wanted, who to deliver her eulogy, the location, everything we needed to throw the funeral she envisioned.
rodeler@reddit
We are meeting again with an estate planning attorney next week. We are setting up a will, trust, living wills, and health directives.
ManyRow1600@reddit
A will and medical POA with your wishes clearly stated. I want my children to not have the burden of having to choose whether or not to extend life continuing measures under certain circumstances. Losing a parent is enough to have to deal with I think.
Staran@reddit
My daughter is 20. The month she was born I went to a lawyer and got it all setup. I recently did it with my pension and bank stuff.
All done.