New guy at work seems to be trying to fit in by attempting to make fun of me. What would you do?
Posted by PaddedValls@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 607 comments
We’ve got a new starter at our place who seems to be trying to fit in by "roasting" people, specifically me. The problem is, it’s not landing.
For context, I’m a fairly big guy (6' 2" and built), and he’s quite a small, slight bloke. Because of the size difference, his constant attempts to "put me down" in front of everyone just feel really forced and uncomfortable. When he tries it in the canteen, no one reacts and it just leaves a bad smell in the air. I'm thick skinned anyway and can have a dark sense of humour by default.
I’ve mostly been leaving his jokes hanging to let him realize they aren't working, but he’s not picking up the hint. For those of you on the tools, do you find it's better to just keep ignoring it, or is it worth a quiet word to tell him he’s misjudged the dynamic?
Cheese_Dinosaur@reddit
Personally I think it needs someone else to point it out to him. If you do it, it may come across as being ‘unable to take a bit of banter’ and give him fuel for his teeny fire. Do you have a trusted work friend who could just point out the error of his ways..?
SpaceCatSociety@reddit
You don’t have to be able to take a bit of banter at the workplace. It’s inappropriate, likely illegal also.
catfordbeerclub@reddit
Have you ever worked in a factory or warehouse?
remmy84@reddit
Yep. It’s absolutely classed as work place harassment. Just because you refuse to acknowledge it as such doesn’t change a thing
catfordbeerclub@reddit
I'm not refusing to acknowledge it, I'm just saying there are big differences in behaviour dependent on the type of workplace and what is accepted.
SteamerTheBeemer@reddit
Not really though. I’ve not worked in a factory or warehouse before. But if I was to start tomorrow in one and I found the “banter” offensive then I could complain and it would be taken seriously. You’re just relying on people not complaining which is great if they don’t but what about when someone does? Then you end up losing your job.
You need to know everyone in the room very well and know that none of them will be offended by your “banter” for it to be risk free.
catfordbeerclub@reddit
I'm not disagreeing with you. I happen to find banter pretty tiresome. But I've worked at places where complaining about it would have made no difference. The worst was an office based job in a sales company. The owner of the company loved banter and was brutal with it.
SteamerTheBeemer@reddit
I’m not sure of the process but if you ended up leaving that job because of the “banter” as it wasn’t dealt with appropriately, then you would have a case at an employee tribunal.
Basically the only reason it wasn’t dealt with or wouldn’t have been dealt with more seriously at your company is the size. But you’d still have certain rights.
remmy84@reddit
No worries. I left that job as I was no longer a student and found a real job. It was very much aimed at student workers they could manipulate and push around. But I hold no remorse.
bill_end@reddit
Is working at argos not a "real job"?
You profess to be all about keeping the moral high ground and not bullying people then in the next post you're shitting on people who work retail because you're so very superior working your "real job".
remmy84@reddit
No it wasn’t. It was a student contract, aimed at students who were bullied into working overtime at the drop of a hat and if you refused you’re following week was “cut” for operational reasons. And before you say I’m shitting on the retail industry, I spent the next 7 years working in retail. They just had a more professional approach to staff and honouring contracts.
What I’m saying is that while I enjoyed the banter element of working at Argus and subsequent retail jobs, the world has evolved past “acceptable banter” where the diversity act, inclusion and SEAH acts now would absolutely destroy anyone if someone decided to complain about something that was, 20 years ago seen as more acceptable.
bill_end@reddit
I'm not disputing that retailers rake advantage of people with zero hour contracts and abusive practices. Or that the kind of "banter" that was acceptable twenty years ago is unacceptable today.
But your comment that working in argos is not a "real job" is a nasty thing to say. It's great that you've had a good education and got a presumably white collar career, but those opportunities aren't available to everyone. Some people have a long term career of working in argos, or tesco and probably don't appreciate you saying that they haven't got a "real job" just because you did some part time work there as a student and bettered yourself.
If it wasn't for people doing blue collar or minimum wage jobs, society would grind to a halt, as evidenced by the Birmingham refuse collectors' strike.
Just think next time you speak. I expect that, deep down, you know I'm right, even if you're too embarrassed to admit it on reddit.
SteamerTheBeemer@reddit
I think you might mean you have “no regrets” working for them. Or maybe you “hold no ill feelings towards them” as in you “don’t feel bitter about it”.
remmy84@reddit
I guess. I have no ill feelings towards them as a company and remember a lot of good times there
Agreeable_Guard_7229@reddit
But in the real world, light banter is always going to happen in the workplace, no matter what management do/say
Most employees are not going to raise a grievance over light banter.
remmy84@reddit
I completely agree with you. You happen to have caught me on the day I've been doing my mandatory bullying/harassment SEAH training. What you see as "banter" others don't and at ANY point someone can be offended by it and file a complaint.
FYI i used to work at Argos where we used to throw toasters at people on ladders and parcel tape people like mummies and leave them on the shop floor on their last day. All considered banter by management and never a complaint raised but fuck me if I wouldn't get fired in my current line of work for doing so.
Agreeable_Guard_7229@reddit
Yeah I’m a manager in a manufacturing company and we recently fired someone for being racist, even though he was claiming it was banter. There is a fine line between banter and bullying/harassment
Ironfields@reddit
My sniff test is that banter should be funny for everybody involved. If it's not then you're just an arsehole who doesn't want to own the fact that they're an arsehole.
SpaceCatSociety@reddit
Yes, I worked at a pea factory as a teen and a cleaner in warehouses and petrol stations before I went to uni. No one harassed or bullied me in those jobs, I had great colleagues. Just because none of us were educated didn’t mean we were ogres.
bill_end@reddit
They make peas in a factory? How disappointing, I'd always assumed they were one of my 5 a day vegetables
SpaceCatSociety@reddit
Yeah we rolled them one by one
catfordbeerclub@reddit
I didn't mention education at all. You've implied that yourself
SpaceCatSociety@reddit
You’re being intellectually dishonest. You picked traditionally viewed as low skilled jobs to sneer at.
Agreeable_Guard_7229@reddit
The worst banter/bullying culture I have ever worked in was in an office amongst very senior and highly qualified professionals
littlemissthrowwaway@reddit
I work in the civil service and my team is nothing but banter. When I first joined after training, I needed someone on the team to be checking 100% of my work, I’d heard the banter on the team and a vast majority of it was directed at my manager, the idea that he does no actual work.
I asked one day in the office “anyone able to check my work?” And someone replied to “give it to (manager’s name)”
I responded, “are you sure? Does he even know how?” (In absolute sincerity btw, straight faced, I wasn’t attempting to make a joke) and the entire team ERUPTED. And that’s the story of how I was accepted on to my new team.
Workplace banter is hilarious.
Cheese_Dinosaur@reddit
I meant as in the small man saying that he is unable to take a bit of banter!
SpaceCatSociety@reddit
I know what you meant, and I agree that it’s a likely response from a small man. It, however, wouldn’t protect the employer or make a reasonable defence. We are protected against certain behaviours at work
Ironfields@reddit
My sniff test is that banter should be funny for everybody involved. If it's not then it's not banter, you're just an arsehole who doesn't want to own the fact that they're an arsehole, and it's not for the person on the receiving end to just "take it".
Cheese_Dinosaur@reddit
Exactly. A bit of banter is fine if everyone is having a laugh. When it becomes annoying or the banter is aimed at one person; then it needs to be toned down. I’ve worked in a close office environment, we would often be in tears laughing at the banter.
cb0495@reddit
There was a new guy at my work, one of the first things he said to me (a woman) was when he interjected me and my colleague joking about finishing early: “wow, I’ve never wanted to punch a woman until now”
It came out of nowhere, we weren’t even talking to him and I just stared at him. He clearly knew his idea of a joke had not landed because he got very awkward very quickly.
I said to him “I don’t know you like that to even think that a joke about you punching me would be funny”
I don’t know what went through his head in that moment to say that but he definitely said it the wrong person because I am the type to call you out in front of people and I will make you squirm.
I reported him straight away because what the fuck?
If you’re comfortable saying that to a group of women you’ve only just met, what else are you saying? What are you saying online? Yes, it is that deep.
AinmSuimiuil@reddit
New guy under me atm and he's never worked in an office before - he's been here two weeks and coming out with comments about "they/thems", trying to talk politics, telling me stories that make him look like an arse, and so on. I'm pretty easy going but its like.. you're just new here, you don't know anything yet, so why on earth are you not self censoring?
bornfromanegg@reddit
If you’re his manager, you should have a word and explain to him what is acceptable in an office. If he’s not worked in one before, maybe he just doesn’t know. Stop him before he gets himself in trouble.
You only have to do it once.
AinmSuimiuil@reddit
Yeah he's only started so I've catchups planned from next week, will be tackling this then and laying out what I expect in terms of professionalism and conduct in the office. Not a bad lad and he's keen enough so hopefully he can rein it in.
Xicsukin@reddit
At work nobody is your friend, treat everyone like a stranger and keep to yourself. It's only worth talking like that after it's been a few years and you've become part of the woodwork.
AinmSuimiuil@reddit
Yeah, I don't mind swearing much tbh so on its own its not a huge deal so long as you don't do it in front of management or the client.
It's just bonkers to me to come in like this in your first weeks. Today I had to actually stop him speaking to tell him a certain phrase is a hard no and not to say it again.
Seems to pick up the work okay so far so it's operation house training for the next few months to set some standards.
anotherMrLizard@reddit
You don't have to become the office loner to avoid getting in trouble. All you have to do is have a filter and use it.
WorryNew3661@reddit
He's never had to self censor before
spittingparasite@reddit
Could be that he is self-censoring and he's even worse when he feels comfortable.
cb0495@reddit
I don’t understand why people do this, honestly.
Amazing-Heron-105@reddit
Reporting someone for a joke like that seems petty as fuck to me
PoownSlayer@reddit
Wow, what was the fallout of that?
cb0495@reddit
Contract not extended…
anotherMrLizard@reddit
10 of the costliest words of his life...
xvFIRESTORMvx@reddit
"How strongs your jaw?"
anal_fist_fight24@reddit
Just say “that one didn’t land did it?” to force him to acknowledge it.
mdmnl@reddit
"Swing and a miss. Next time maybe?" "Points for effort" "Aww bless..." "Just like a joke, but fewer laughs"
ExpectedDickbuttGotD@reddit
I like these suggestions, from both of you.
But your first one is basically banter and saying "I like this game, keep em coming". Which is not what OP wants in this situation. I'd go with one of the others.
Murky_Avocado_4802@reddit
Just like a joke but fewer laughs... Damn, I haven't heard that before. Cutting. I love it!
cari-strat@reddit
I once had a random guy expose himself to me in a park. He clearly expected me to be horrified and run away. Instead I just stared at him and said, "Wow. It looks kinda like a dick.....only smaller."
Worked like a charm!
Acting_Normally@reddit
So when this guy tries to roast OP, OP needs to tell him that his penis is small.
Gotcha 👍
cari-strat@reddit
To be fair, it's probably not wrong...
DenseCall6626@reddit
I used " awww, what does it want to be when it grows up?"
suspicious-donut88@reddit
Same happened to me in the park. I laughed and said I'd seen bigger dicks changing nappies. He told me to fuck off and stormed off in a huff.
DisMyLik18thAccount@reddit
This is confusing to me as I genuinely thought guys who did that were into some kinda humiliation kink, I'd have thought they'd take us making fun of them as evidence they'd succeeded in upsetting us
I Did try something similar once though and was pleasantly surprised when it worked, suprised but confused
Jedwardo93@reddit
The audacity to be the annoyed one after just flashing someone 😂
Azyall@reddit
"You've got a nerve, flashing that! My husband's is bigger!"
feetflatontheground@reddit
Or
"You've got a nerve to be flashing that! Mine's bigger!"
That'll give 'em something to ponder.
V65Pilot@reddit
Is that a clitoris?
ayeayefitlike@reddit
Or ‘yeah, definitely get that checked out’.
lesterbottomley@reddit
"Didn't know they did them in fun-size versions"
Literally_Taken@reddit
Not-so-fun-size
dinkingdonut@reddit
Also looking horrified and asking what happened to their penis and have they seen a doctor works quite well.
FreddiesNightmare65@reddit
😂😂😂 Nice one
leftmysoulthere74@reddit
That works for unsolicited d-pics too.
Judge_Dreddful@reddit
A friend says that whenever it happens to her - which is surprisingly/shockingly often on dating apps, so she tells me - she messages back saying 'why did you send me a photo of a child's penis? I've reported this to the police as child porn so they will be in touch'...
Sir_Edna_Bucket@reddit
To be fair to me, it was very cold out... 😳
ayeImur@reddit
😒 was that meant to be an attempt at humour?
A predator exposing themselves... oh yes hilarious 🤦♀️
yellowfolder@reddit
A minority of others shared your opinion, but they simply downvoted and moved on instead of trying to police humour.
FreddiesNightmare65@reddit
My reply was, no thanks, I will smoke my own.
LeadershipAble773@reddit
"Your tampon string is showing"
FreddiesNightmare65@reddit
On a man? 😂
LeadershipAble773@reddit
Thats... the point?
GottaUseEmAll@reddit
That was my mother's advice to me, as a teen, if I ever got flashed. Point at it and ask why it's so small.
mrmchugatree@reddit
You definitely came up with that afterwards, and wished you’d thought of it in the moment. The jerk store called…
Familiar-Woodpecker5@reddit
Legend!
Wildredheadedgypsy@reddit
gold-standard move!
mdmnl@reddit
That was you?
Glittered_Fingers@reddit
You are the hero that we need. Thank you for your service!
Auntie_Cagul@reddit
Loved this one.
YouGotTangoed@reddit
When #1 is said sarcastically and in the right way, they’ll know not to make a joke again
ExpectedDickbuttGotD@reddit
swing and a miss. next time maybe?
AmbitiousBirthday588@reddit
Tell him you don’t get the joke and make him drag out an explanation. He’ll get really awkward
SteamerTheBeemer@reddit
lol, “next time maybe?” Is rhetorical, it’s really not inviting more lol.
DoughnutAlert2596@reddit
I’d go with “Why don’t you fuck off?” Always worked for me.
SpamJavelin00@reddit
Anything like this . I sometimes enjoy sone verbal sparring , but sone people do it for too long and it just gets tedious & grating , esp when they aren’t good at it there’s no wit , but they just whine anyway . To those I just say something along lines of ‘yeah yeah very good , now sling your hook, before I tread on your like a hippopotamus treads on an ant’. Or ‘Jesus wept, I bet your moth is glad when you’re asleep ‘ or combination thereof , etc etc . Not angry not upset but not encouraging either . Or just sigh & say ‘not again, it was crap last time , you’re shit at this but it doesn’t put you off ‘.
Amazing-Shower8399@reddit
Christ, if someone said these to me I'd burst out laughing - all sound like they're straight out of an American teen comedy movie. Just tell the bloke to stop, it's not that difficult.
Elegant-Mission-4470@reddit
The inevitable obvious Americans on UK subs
mdmnl@reddit
Which of us is the obvious American?
Distant_Planet@reddit
What is "Primary 3"?
GingerSnapBiscuit@reddit
Thats very Scottish terminology. Scottish schools do 7 years of Primary School, typically called "Primary 1" through "Primary 7" and then 4 - 6 years of high school, normally referring to as ""xth" year" - 1st Year, 2nd Year etc.
Icy_Oil_1024@reddit
What happened to Primary 2 to 6?
bornfromanegg@reddit
I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. You’re either joking or not reading properly, but not sure you deserve all those downvotes.
“Primary 1” through “Primary 7” means all the primaries from 1-7.
PassiveTheme@reddit
As others have said, that's a Scottish thing. Yanks don't call it primary school, so why would they say "primary 3"? They call them grades.
___FLAN___@reddit
To be fair while anyone trying to use those "responses" in reality would be very cringey, in Scotland we do say Primary 3.
Not everyone who's cringey is American. Sure, most are
Powerful_Balance591@reddit
Makes me think of Russell Howard’s bit.. used his mums advice against his bully “well bullies hear this.. how can my eye be lazy when it wanders around so freely!?” “ hah I think you’ll find I’ve done you there you have to leave me alone now right” … “yeah they kicked the shit out of me that day”
stiletto929@reddit
Sounds like a Shakespearean insult.
mdmnl@reddit
It's the third year of Primary School - are you suggesting that's American?
Vequihellin@reddit
Americans would call it 'Elementary school' or 'Junior high' whatever that is. I just assumed it was some flavour of 'UK adjacent'
mdmnl@reddit
You're forgetting pre-K, kindie-garden and grade school...
It's apparently Scottish, didn't realise it wasn't at least familiar to all UK countries.
redem@reddit
Also used in Northern Ireland.
DelosHR@reddit
Pee Fwee so it is
txteva@reddit
It's not English, we'd say "Year 3".
doctorace@reddit
As an American, I have no idea (I’ve lived here for 9 years)
peppermint_aero@reddit
"Mate, got a sec? Listen, I know starting in a new place can be tricky. Two or three times you've said stuff to me (and other people, if he has) that didn't feel quite right. We try to build each other up here, not put each other down."
Something like that. In private.
Give him a chance to apologise and change his behaviour.
Eoin_McLove@reddit
No, no. This is far too mature. You aren’t getting it.
peppermint_aero@reddit
I got it just fine, thanks
ReallySmallFeet@reddit
(You're missing the dripping sarcasm. Eoin was actually acknowledging that your advice was, in fact, good advice.)
peppermint_aero@reddit
ah, thanks
Taken_Abroad_Book@reddit
Imagine being on the tools and coming out with this crap in the canteen. You'd be (rightly) bullied out of the place.
peppermint_aero@reddit
So find a better way to say "we look after each other here (the implication being that this kind of piss taking isn't tolerated even if it was in your last place)". I'm sure you know your workplace culture best so you'll be able to find appropriate wording.
Taken_Abroad_Book@reddit
My workplace is leave each other alone and do the work. I don't want nor need to be 'looked after' by my colleagues. Christ it's like you got a job at Concentrix and have fell for the whole "we're a family here" nonsense.
Friendly-Handle-2073@reddit
Great advice, ChatGPT.
Jesus__of__Nazareth_@reddit
Holy fuck this society is cooked, not everything sensible is written with fucking AI.
Vequihellin@reddit
This is a great response. 👍
burtsarmpson@reddit
Redditors obsession with comebacks is so cringey
accepts_compliments@reddit
Talk to the hand, 'cause the face ain't listening
Cirias@reddit
What you mean "Heh, swing and a miss lil' buddy, better luck next time!" doesn't sound like natural British banter?? :)
R1ch0C@reddit
Yeah they are a bit wordy, some people could pull off saying some of them but most of us would sound like the queen on Christmas day reading a script
thegreatreset52@reddit
Nice 👍
DisMyLik18thAccount@reddit
I Feel like these responses make it sound as if you're engaging in the banter, which would just encourage them
Budget_Rent5796@reddit
Just gonna keep these in the mental bank if ever im in this situation 😂
AntheusBax@reddit
Or go full Blackadder:
"The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn't he?"
WearingRags@reddit
This would go down amazing in a Games Workshop but maybe not with a bunch of tradesmen at work
Chromate_Magnum@reddit
This sort of Reddit response proves that nobody here is employed
bareneth@reddit
He should say sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me!!!!!!
burtsarmpson@reddit
We would be dying for that sort of response in school if we were teasing someone
space_guy95@reddit
Imagine saying that on a building site. If OP wasn't getting bullied before, he'd be well on his way to it with all these awful comebacks being suggested here.
WearingRags@reddit
The old classic is just "Good one mate". If the joke got nothing but stony silence then gently laughing at that fact works wonders
TheDutchess_420@reddit
I like the "just like a joke, but fewer laughs" one 👏🏼😂
MrBlackledge@reddit
“Good chat” chuckle to yourself and walk off embarrassed for them.
That’ll get it done
Fantastic_Recipe2740@reddit
I like all of this but I would say “why you just don’t fuck off?”
mdmnl@reddit
We're saying there are options...
Fantastic_Recipe2740@reddit
Ahah dont get me wrong I like them! I’m just saying that’s what I’d do onsite if a colleagues dare to do something like that.
scalectrix@reddit
The first two - the last three are unneccessarily arsey and/or rude.
SteamerTheBeemer@reddit
What the hell is primary 3 lol.
LilGingeyboi@reddit
My favourite is "You tried"
Peas_Are_Real@reddit
“Well, that went down like a cup of cold sick” is my favourite.
farraigemeansthesea@reddit
Upvoted for the use of "fewer"
RAW-MT07@reddit
Could say to him explain why is that funny, i usually say this when someone says a a really shit joke just to add to there shit joke but could 100% work with his situation.
SnooBooks715@reddit
I'm "on the tools" and usually, "mate, shut the fuck up" works for me
Prestigious-Run-4244@reddit
This is the first logical reply I've seen. Can only fucking imagine how "we try to build each other up here" would go down on the sites round here.
Amazing-Heron-105@reddit
So true 😂
If he goes that route I'd love for him to record it
ManaSpike@reddit
"There's nothing like a good joke. And that was nothing like a good joke."
BlackandGreen19@reddit
Nah go for the "thats class, tell it again" to really seal it in.
chileheadd@reddit
You missed an open goal, you should give it up.
IHazUZERNAME@reddit
"Listen to the rapturous laughter that followed that one lad, getting good at this aren't you?"
fleapuppy@reddit
Way too wordy, it would just come across as awkward. Keep your zingers short
cmdr_suicidewinder@reddit
The Reddit Zinger ™
Silly-Industry1527@reddit
I don't have the time or the crayons to explain this to you and I hope that your day is as pleasant as you are and a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part!!!
vinyljunkie1245@reddit
"If it's a battle of wits you're after I never fight an unarmed man"
oli_ramsay@reddit
"funny as cancer mate"
Poison_Jaguar@reddit
Rhythm is a dancer?
littlemissthrowwaway@reddit
I’m howling at this one 😂
bustermagnus@reddit
I think that would encourage him. Now it can be interpreted as banter, a form of positive rapport.
LegoVRS@reddit
"Are you going to carry on with these joke shaped sentences or realise that you're just not funny and STFU? It's getting boring now."
goldman459@reddit
He just needs taking to one side for a 'talk'.
Make him aware of what might happen off company time if he does it again. No pride lost.
wigwamclan@reddit
I'm beginning to see why you didn't fit in at the last place either..
DenseCall6626@reddit
Good old " was that meant to be funny?" works a treat. Or just look like you are going too rip his head off each time he opens his mouth.
madpacifist@reddit
ChatGPT written.
bill_end@reddit
How can you tell it was AI? I'm impressed that you're correct but really quite baffled because to me it just looks like a bog standard post
PaddedValls@reddit (OP)
Had to ask Gemini to change my original post so it would get past the auto moderator.
No-one was harmed in the AI use of this post.
UnacceptableUse@reddit
In the future you need to mention in the post when you use AI to assist you in writing it
PaddedValls@reddit (OP)
My bad.
Vic_Serotonin@reddit
Worth taking time out of your day to note this and contribute nothing I’m sure.
madpacifist@reddit
No less than the time taken to read it.
LoquatOk966@reddit
You’re such a big strong guy, and that guy is so small and slight, anything he says shouldn’t land at all /s
What are you on about? He can’t roast you, because he checks notes is not as big as you?
Look, people that engage in constant roasting are annoying and “banter” culture is annoying, but you’re coming to Reddit for help and the way you’re framed everything, feels a bit off on this one.
Reddit is probably the worst place for advice here as everyone is dreaming up the perfect comebacks to humiliate ib a scenario wheee they are perfect and the other person is absurdly big the wrong.
I’d the situation is as you say it is, just don’t react to the jokes, be friendly and give him other ways to fit in - find out interests so he talks about those instead.
The “roasting” could just be his way of finding something to say when he doesn’t have anything else to bring up, a way to inject himself into the conversation.
DystopicMasterplan@reddit
Nice AI post. The "Z" is a giveaway alongside the highly detectable AI rhythm.
bill_end@reddit
Do you mean the Z in realize is an indication it's AI? What do you mean by AI rhythm?
I'm impressed that you're able to read what is a seemingly normal bit of text and deduct correctly that it's all from chatGPT.
What is it you look for?
PaddedValls@reddit (OP)
You're totally right, but the way I originally worded it was not allowed by AskUK.
So punted what I wrote into Gemini and asked it to make it postable.
That awright with you, Clouseau?
DystopicMasterplan@reddit
All good with me big lad. Thanks for coming clean.
lorl3ss@reddit
"Elementary my dear Watson"
Vic_Serotonin@reddit
Well done.
Doodlebottom@reddit
Ask him to not include you in all future remarks aimed at joking around or humour or sarcasm or whatever it is. Tell him you would appreciate it if he would just agree to leaving you out of these types of things. That’s all. Don’t make it a big deal. He might not know how he presents himself.
Causticburner@reddit
Lift him up like a wee kid, hands under his armpits, spin him round, place him very carefully on the ground. Huge big smile for the whole interaction.
!!!!
Different-Employ9651@reddit
Call it out. A little "Sorry, what's the punchline there?" should do it, unless he's really thick. I hate that shit.
tricatory@reddit
I like to give someone a blank and slightly confused look in these situations, pause and then go in with the ‘… What an odd thing to say’, then stare at them for a few seconds more before walking away. Real awkward silence maker that one
TheFirstGlugOfWine@reddit
Yeah this works in so many situations. Ask them to explain what they mean. It works really well when a someone is making a sexist joke to a woman. Ask them to explain it and they back off really quickly. I’d imagine the same would happen in this situation.
notlakura225@reddit
Jokes on you im autistic! I would happily explain the history of the joke and any particularly interesting etymology involved!
forpostingcats@reddit
Yep, for anyone who encounters this there are great videos of people demonstrating this technique.
use a calm flat tone, look them straight in the eye and say "can you explain what you mean by that?" Then just maintain the eye contact and the silence. Whatever they say back. Remain neutral in tone and expression and keep asking them to repeat it or explain it. They will scuttle off.
If that doesn't work then it's the direct statement of a boundary "that is not acceptable, if you continue, this will be formally reported"
Sir-Craven@reddit
I'm not going to stoop to your level
dommiichan@reddit
"I've got a bad back and a working brain so I can't stoop down to your level."
mdmnl@reddit
"I've neither the time nor the crayons to explain why you aren't funny"
Jesus__of__Nazareth_@reddit
Holy reddit...
sky033@reddit
you would know, wouldn’t you?
Corpexx@reddit
None of these would land amongst a bunch of working class Middle Aged blokes on site I don’t feel like, they’re a bit too “smartassy” imo. You need like low brow humour at these worksites for it to land lol and OP did say people on the tools so I’m guessing he’s working somewhere similar
Hamsternoir@reddit
We had some old boy, ex navy, close to retirement and really new a thing or two. But he was quiet, the new starter was a bit similar to OPs muppet and thought it was just some dumb old bloke who didn't say much.
When there was an attempt at taking the piss the old boy would just ask him to explain the joke and really break down why he thought it was funny. Arse clenchingly excruciating to watch but the kid did finally learn.
hxmz-z@reddit
just walk up him and ask him what is he doing and tell him to not do it again. say it’s the first and last time you’re going to address it
houseofn1njas@reddit
Just pull him aside and tell him it's not funny and it's not building the rapport/ relationship he's expecting. In fact, "other" people might find it offensive and report him to HR so he needs to be careful. Hopefully, that straddles firmness with an element of caring for his well being/ career also.
Green-Froyo-7533@reddit
Can you whistle?
I can whistle to make the sound like something dropping like in a cartoon and landing with a crash 💥 I’ve used it in a couple situations similar to yours and it definitely had the desired effect they know their joke literally bombed.
hermit_tortoise@reddit
"who put 50p in dickhead"
notouttolunch@reddit
I think this return of banter is both what is best and what will have the most impact.
SpaceCatSociety@reddit
And can have you in front of hr in no time
OldGodsAndNew@reddit
Who put 50p in the redditor
SpaceCatSociety@reddit
Wow you’re a nice person
notouttolunch@reddit
They are. It's your limited and surface level, intolerant viewpoint which is the problem here.
SpaceCatSociety@reddit
Nah, that’s not it. OP has described bullying. It’s not harmless banter to make rude remarks about someone’s weight. Especially not if the person being bullied is upset by it (as op is in this case).
And even if you do disagree, as you seem to, behaving this way in the workplace makes you very vulnerable. It is very easy to end up on the wrong side of the organisation if your behaviour puts them at legal risk. I am very unfortunate that I have been accused, falsely, of such behaviour. The accuser, an ex colleague, is taking my employer to tribunal for harassment and whistle blower claims, and I am among the dozen people falsely accused by him. It’s a massive time void and hugely stressful. I’d hate to think what this would feel like had I actually said the things I am accused of having said
notouttolunch@reddit
See above.
SpaceCatSociety@reddit
I disagree. I don’t think my viewpoint is limited, quite the opposite. This has been a difficult process but i have learnt a lot.
And no one can spot these people a mile away. They lurk among us
notouttolunch@reddit
Actually in places I've worked it'll be found quite entertaining. They'd also be subject to the receiving end of it. Those sorts of places have been the most interesting places I've worked and I love that sort of environment.
SpaceCatSociety@reddit
If you enjoy it I’m sure it’s great. I wouldn’t enjoy someone mocking me for my weight or seeing other people being mocked for their appearance. In the workplace I am also protected by law and don’t need to enjoy or tolerate it.
CowDontMeow@reddit
He said “on the tools”, no one is going to HR for that
AntitaxAntitax@reddit
I'm putting this insult into the rotation, love it!
houseofn1njas@reddit
Just pull him aside and tell him it's not funny and it's not building the rapport/ relationship he's expecting. In fact, "other" people might find it offensive and report him to HR so he needs to be careful. Hopefully, that straddles firmness with an element of caring for his well being/ career also.
NorthWishbone7543@reddit
Had the same in my last work place.
Some people try to get up the ladder by putting people down
They are toxic and will turn the workplace into a divisive mess.
Sooner or later he will have a small following and will creat division in the workplace.
I'd report him immediately to nip any future aggregation.
No one should have to put up with work place bullying, which is what this is
Don't stand for it, this weezle needs to learn how to integrate into the work place without being his toxic bullshit.
andycprints@reddit
get a notice board and write a list of his 'roasts' for everyone to see, maybe even add a scoring system
Soggywallet94@reddit
This happened to me a while ago. I just did one of those nose breath laughs, gave the guy a thumbs up and he didn't try again.
Showing you acknowledge the attempt whilst being unfazed generally works. If it continues you can just call attention to it publicly without being combative by saying something like "Okey dokey"
The_2nd_Coming@reddit
I'd stare him in the eyes like I want to murder and ask him calmly, "What did you say?" If he says you are being threatening gaslight him and just say your hearing is bad.
Natural-Ad2673@reddit
When you see him one to one, just tell him you would appreciate it if he didn't make jokes like that. People hear and take on board things better if they're non confrontational, calm, simple, and well intended.
mandalorian204@reddit
I’d be very, very careful saying anything for accusations of being intimidating, maybe run it by HR first?
Justwondering2508@reddit
It might be nerves, maybe they have a mental condition, or just trying to hard to fit in... Either ignore it or maybe just be friendly with them.
frjack666@reddit
" You must have been bullied at school. "
" Be quiet, now, there's a good fellow. " With a slightly disappointed tone.
New-Process-52@reddit
Invite him to the rugby club
New-Process-52@reddit
Tell him
You need some help with your jokes mate
Acceptable_Treat_101@reddit
I’d have a quiet word with him keep it light, set the tone, and he’ll likely adjust fast once he knows its not landing.
whatisthisinmygarden@reddit
Destroy him.
Infamous_Dealer6210@reddit
Next time he says something say do “say that again”. In a serious face. It will be the last time
sollinatri@reddit
I was the only woman in an office and I thought we were all friends, until I was targeted by the newcomer about how all women are unfunny and indecisive, and eventually rest of them turned on me!
That's how i found out rest of my coworkers were also cunts.
FatSucks999@reddit
“Good one”
Excellanttoast@reddit
“Fucking hell you’re boring”
It was said to me once. Still hurts.
Thatresolves@reddit
Just reanact the bane, “do you think you’re in charge?” scene
littlebird2446@reddit
Sod having a quiet word. Call him out and embarrass him in front of whoever he’s trying to impress. Say something like “now we’ve established your jokes fall flat, perhaps you could stop trying to use me as the butt of them. It’s rude”.
I don’t like those kind of people who put other people down to big themselves up. Don’t let people walk all over you, get him told and in front of his little audience. He might think twice about doing it to someone else.
Available-Shape8119@reddit
Take him to HR, accuse him of racism or sexism or even better say he tried to finger your bum
Punch him
Do a shit on his car bonnet
Take your pick or maybe use multiple options
Lucymouse36@reddit
"Just incase noone ever told you ..just because you happen to be small doesn't mean you need to be small minded, so what's everyone doing at the weekend?"
Mysterious-Stay-3393@reddit
Tell him how you feel. Mano to Mano, Woman to Woman , Them to They.
Vivid-Combination-74@reddit
You’re just going to have to emasculate him once to draw a line under it. He deserves it.
Let him know that you could absolutely fold him in half if you wanted to.
ActionElegant8811@reddit
from the word of Don Logan, Sexy Beast film "fuck off wanker"
CartoonistNo9@reddit
“Was that funny until you said it out loud?”
“Small cock energy”
“There’s that tumbleweed again”
“You got a fucking problem mate”?
JetWhittle@reddit
Pull him to one side and tell him.
ThePhunkSoulBrother@reddit
Pick him up by his ankles and dangle him in the air. Try shake all of the wee man syndrome out of him.
dbsgirl@reddit
I like the ol' "Can you explain to me what you mean by that? I don't get it."
boringdystopianslave@reddit
There's nothing a shortarse hates more than jokes mocking their height.
PackageOk4947@reddit
Always be nice, then he looks like a dick
55caesar23@reddit
Put him down in front of everyone.
"People laugh more at a babies funeral than your attempt at comedy”
“Listen you’re new, so let me explain how things work here. People are meant to laugh when you tell jokes.”
“At your old place it might have been the norm to have a minutes silence after an attempt at a joke, but don’t bring that here”
FreddiesNightmare65@reddit
Well, the laughing at a babies funeral is a terrible comeback, especially if they or anyone around you when dating it have lost a child, so that's not really appropriate. I get why you think it's a good comeback, but it's a bit sick to say it. Having lost 3 babies, of that had been said around me within a few years of it happening, I wouldn't have took it well. I know we can't all pussyfoot around all the time, but some things are just a big no no.
Don't have a go at me for my thoughts, it's just that, just like I'm not having a go at you, just explaining why it's not really appropriate.
55caesar23@reddit
I disagree, it’s not sick at all. In your opinion it is and in my opinion it isn’t. It’s a joke, it isn’t mocking someone over a tragedy. You can’t pussyfoot around all the time and you can’t ask everyone’s approval before you make a joke because someone will always be offended and sometimes comedy is offensive and people may not like it but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make a joke.
SuperPossible120@reddit
I understand but I kinda disagree, the joke here isn't infant mortality, and the mention of it surely can't be policed because of possible negative experiences with the topic being mentioned, if so you could argue the same for Christmas as many people (probably more than are affected by infant deaths) have traumatic experiences and don't like to think or speak of it, same applies to alcohol for example, cars/traffic for those who have experienced a crash or similar, see my point?
I also imagine if you were the bystander in that scenario you wouldn't hold it against OP.
exotic_lemming@reddit
It’s like rape jokes. You really don’t want to reignite random people’s traumas by showing off how funny those are to you, or at least you shouldn’t. So you pick any other subject for your jokes.
First-Lengthiness-16@reddit
That’s kinda my point.
First-Lengthiness-16@reddit
You laugh at babies funerals?
CrossCityLine@reddit
… That’s the joke
First-Lengthiness-16@reddit
That someone laughs a bit at babies funerals?
thecatsothermother@reddit
No, the joke is that nobody laughs at a baby's funeral, meaning his jokes are not funny.
First-Lengthiness-16@reddit
So the babies funeral is not funnier?
Because to be funnier than something else, there has to be a a degree of funny.
You are fucking weird if you get more humour from a dead kid and devastated parents than an unfunny joke.
Would you rather go to see a really unfunny comedian or have a baby you know die and go to its funeral
Normal people: “Obviously an unfunny comedian, I will just ignore the jokes”
You “Fuck that baby”.
thecatsothermother@reddit
How the HELL you got "fuck that baby" from me literally explaining something you asked about is beyond me. Some people are autistic (as am I) so I thought I was doing a favour explaining it. Also tone of voice and nuance are missing from text exchanges, which can still lead to confusion even with the neurotypical.
Maybe I shouldn't have bothered. I guess it's true when they say "no good deed goes unpunished."
Illustrious-Air-7777@reddit
Interesting choice of words for that last line!
First-Lengthiness-16@reddit
Indeed.
You need to be strong with baby funeral mockers.
JeevestheGinger@reddit
Mate, this is entirely hypothetical/theoretical, no babies were harmed in the making of this comment thread. Nobody here wants a dead baby. And if you've reason to be particularly personally sensitive to this issue I'm truly sorry.
First-Lengthiness-16@reddit
Indeed.
I am just responding how I would do if someone mentioned babies funerals.
I understood what was meant and went down the “but what does that mean” line. Very quickly the upper hand would be lost,
mdmnl@reddit
ThereIWasDigging@reddit
Quiet word, possibly along the lines of 'shut the fuck up cunt... '
razzlerm@reddit
You could try a "what do you mean/I don't get the joke, can you explain it?" reaction to his next joke. Say it completely straight faced and calmly. Also keep pushing past his initial response of "you know what I mean" with more "I don't understand what you're getting at, can you explain why you said that?"
This works because it's non aggressive but still assertive. Bullies generally find it really embarrassing to actually have to explain their thinking. Hopefully this will shame him out of making his comments.
Bc2193@reddit
This seems like the most workplace appropriate tactic
razzlerm@reddit
Yeah. I think there are lots of possible quippy responses but depending on the workplace it might be very important to stay professional.
Prof_Hentai@reddit
This one always works without fail. It works especially well towards people who are being passive aggressive, and will completely disarm them. They’ll either double down which makes it easier to navigate, or they will turn inside out.
dekker87@reddit
Thats literally being passive aggressive lol
GottaUseEmAll@reddit
I was about to say the same!
I guess passive aggressivity could be a good counter to another's passive aggressivity.
paolog@reddit
It's the work equivalent of a teacher's "Is something funny? Would you like to share your joke with the class?"
EPorteous@reddit
I taught my son this last week.
When they say it was a joke, ask them directly in front of everyone, what the funny part is, or what the punch line is.
They always look like dicks hahs
Ok_Analyst_5640@reddit
Someone I used to work with did this to people, would get them explaining the joke. It absolutely boiled their piss 😆
CongealedBeanKingdom@reddit
I work with teens. This approach is extremely effective
pm-me-animal-facts@reddit
I do this as a teacher in a secondary school all the time. Ask them why they’ve said that and the response is almost always “it was just a joke”.
I respond by saying, I like jokes but I don’t understand which part is funny. Works incredibly well to disarm them.
Akash_nu@reddit
Technique! 👆🏼
Pockysocks@reddit
ask him to explain the 'joke'
saoirsedonciaran@reddit
Feels like more of an insecurity on his part, but don't overthink it. Some people use insults like this as a way to show you that they actually like you and want to be your friend, but it's maybe not landing.
Wise-Strawberry9259@reddit
He sounds like my sausage dog when he’s around bigger dogs.
ShootingStarYe@reddit
Could he be hitting on you?
Constant_Front2345@reddit
Nip it in the bud mate. "This is the 4th time you've made that joke and no one has laughed once, AT LEAST try something new."
Necessary-Trash-8828@reddit
One of the more savage ones I’ve heard which is pretty safe for most scenarios is…
“This is why people talk about you behind your back”
Not rude or aggressive.. but will certainly get them worried about themselves and people not liking him etc.
jpthelad@reddit
As a bigger guy myself, If someone gets on my nerves repeatedly, I just like to subtly remind them that I am indeed much bigger than them lol Not a threat but a gentle reminder that if i wanted i could do whatever I wanted to them and they couldnt do shit about it 🤣
gijoe438@reddit
"Do I need to become your mum's new boyfriend just so I can spend an evening teaching you how tell a joke?"
helpmaboabjings@reddit
I'm not on the tools FYI but as a bloke, i'd just leave him hanging unless he something out of order
Brickie78@reddit
... what?
catsandscience242@reddit
'on the tools' as in a labourer, joiner, builder, that sort of thing. My Dad uses 'on the tools' all the time.
Brickie78@reddit
Fair enough. Too middle class I guess!
cursed_cucumbers@reddit
Wait, what does your surname mean then?
Brickie78@reddit
I chose ot back at university in 1997 as a placeholder. I was staring at a bare brick wall at the time.
cursed_cucumbers@reddit
Fair enough. We've all been there when the pills kick in
helpmaboabjings@reddit
Lol exactly
GottaUseEmAll@reddit
Imposter Brickie over here!
Awkward-Loquat2228@reddit
You posted about it on Reddit.
WhatAboutBob77@reddit
“You’re a big guy.”
“… for you.”
slackjawreally@reddit
Have you ever been funny?
bworkz@reddit
Just report him to the HR, pricks need to be eliminated.
gherkinassassin@reddit
Easy there little guy, don't make me put you back in my pocket
ackbladder_@reddit
Look up from whatever you were doing after he’s finished talking and say ‘sorry i didn’t catch that …’. If he has to repeat it just let it linger and it won’t seem funny.
Bgtobgfu@reddit
Just say ‘mate I don’t appreciate your constant jokes’ next time he does it, in front of everyone.
Lance_Operazole@reddit
Ask what he means by what he is saying. Force him to repeat it.
Then ask his intention, "so was that meant to belittle me?"
Ask what he hoped to gain by doing that.
He will look even more of a tool. There is a video I saw on YouTube about this but I can't find it now.
No_Dingo4727@reddit
Boys at school used to do this to girls they liked. Come out straight and ask him he fancies you.
No_Dingo4727@reddit
Why dont you just say "short man syndrome really got you eh"
JayR_97@reddit
Tell him "Your comments are making me uncomfortable. Please stop". Complain to his manager/HR if it carries on
Nubunnet@reddit
On the tools? Tell him to watch his mouth unless he wants to take it out side and find out who thinks there funny!
Loud-Refrigerator675@reddit
With people like this, being completely unreactive is the way to go, just don't even acknowledge anything he says unless its related to a work task
Prestigious-Cream173@reddit
Id be asking myself why does he feel so comfortable to say these things ? Has he heard other people saying similar ?
PsychologicalRise368@reddit
"do you usually find being an annoying cunt works for you"
Puzzled-Job9556@reddit
That's the bite he's looking for though
simply_smigs@reddit
Make it 'annoying little' if he is targeting size then hit him in the insecurity feelings
WearingRags@reddit
Nah, overcorrection imo. This is "trying to start a fight" language and will make OP seem like they're overcompensating
CarpeCyprinidae@reddit
Repurpose an old Billy Connolly punchline but add it on:
thecatsothermother@reddit
Was goig to say this. Find all the "small person" jokes you can. "Do you need a juice box?" "Ask your Mum/Dad if you caninsert activity here "Okay, Son?" Hey there, midget/small stuff".
Mock-pat him on the head.
As a 5'1 person myself, I've had some of these used to me.
zznznbznnnz@reddit
This is a terrible idea in the workplace. Also from OP’s perspective would be punching down.
fannyfox@reddit
I don’t agree with that in the workplace!
Fantastic-Dingo-5806@reddit
This addition is essential
skinnydog0-0@reddit
This is the best approach- leaves no room for ambiguity!!!
icehot54321@reddit
Adopting insults brings you down to their level.
The goal should be to come off as more mature than they are.
NovaCorpse@reddit
Peak reply
Low-Chef6047@reddit
Simply put!
dgraveling@reddit
👊 him
Icy_Appearance_8610@reddit
You probably look quite friendly and he thinks he can relate to you?
Longjumping-Wait8990@reddit
confused “what?”. or sarcastic “ha ha ha”
Gweledigaeth@reddit
put him in his place
ReallySmallFeet@reddit
What kind of stuff is he saying? Like direct comments about your body etc?
InfectedEllie@reddit
Just ask him to explain the joke.
achuchable@reddit
Just call him Napoleon.
Jealous_Support_6178@reddit
“And the crowd goes mild” always a funny one when a joke gets no reaction
swingthecatz@reddit
I’d really like to hear some of the roasts plz
constantinoplop@reddit
A quiet word.
No-Needleworker6311@reddit
Small man syndrome. Call it out. Tell him his skinny needs to bulk up, fire with fire is the code on the tools at least in the uk.
Less_Party@reddit
I'd probably make it really gay but that's my solution to most things.
ElectricSewerMonkey@reddit
“I’ll fuck you til you love me”
Shanobian@reddit
With a blunt expression say "and the crowd went mild"
Irrxlevance@reddit
Just tell him, doesn’t have to be dramatic, just call it out next time he does it, he will soon stop
Treqou@reddit
Just kiss already
lucylucylane@reddit
Ask him to repeat what he said as you didn't hear it. This always makes people feel awkward
meme-supreme6969@reddit
Just a "You got the whole room laughing bro" when a joke goes flat.
gyaka@reddit
I would say something but it would go over your head
Correct_Elk2320@reddit
Owww shortskie being threatened by your desirable height! Just tower over him. That’s what I used to do over my prissy shortskie boss. Sounds like a shortskie syndrome.
Winnie_The_Ping@reddit
Whatever you choose to do, I’d say get it sorted sharpish… if not, you will end up punching him all over the carpark at your co-workers engagement party after 6 pints of Morretti and 3 jäger bombs.
montex66@reddit
Shorty wants you to F*** him.
RoboJobot@reddit
Just ignore him when he speaks.
tormented-imp@reddit
He’s probably just trying to beat up the strongest guy in the prison yard, so to speak. Be the bigger person and let your other coworkers see it themselves, rather than handling it yourself. The first 20+ replies suggest you say something that would make you look like a massive dickhead imo.
fleshcircuits@reddit
my favourite response to people being mean, rude, etc is always “what a weird thing to say” and then moving on. people never like being called weird and don’t have much of a response to it
koyliMeld9003@reddit
Sounds like people have already worked out he's a jerk. Ignore him, or have a battery of one - line put- down comments ready (the internet is your friend here!) and deliver them with a bored, deadpan expression.
fezzuk@reddit
Honesty everyone coming out with these come backs or insults.
Not really the way mate.
He has picked you because you are a safe tsrget, your a big bloke so he assumes you wont take offence.
Next time just oull him aside in private and just ask him please not to. Bot because you are offended or anything it just feels awkward and you would rather he stopped.
He will stop.
VariousBeat9169@reddit
Take him to one side and give him some friendly advice.
NoPhilosopher6111@reddit
You’ve gotta give it back my man. I’ve been on the tools my whole life and taking the high road doesn’t work. If he thinks he can use you as a punching bag to get laughs from thw other lads he will.
Tell him straight, your banters terrible lad. I don’t think it’s funny and if it doesn’t start getting funny soon me and you are going to fall out.
benjaminiscariot@reddit
beat him up
zbornakingthestone@reddit
Just be professional and speak to him about it. Ask if there's a reason he keeps insulting you in the work environment - and put it back on him to justify his actions.
janner_womble@reddit
Don't call him on it, he'll probably see that as a challenge and do it even more.
People like that dig their own holes - this guy is clearly not worth your time, just let him dig away until the rest of your colleagues distance themselves from him too.
AlanTheBearMcClair@reddit
"Do you mind? Daddy's working here"
"I don't go down to the docks and smack the cock out of your mother's mouth while she's working"
Pippathepip@reddit
This sounds like harassment to me. If he’s new, he’ll probably be on probation. Put a complaint in about him and he won’t be a problem for you for much longer.
Rude-Possibility4682@reddit
"Fuck off shorty" is the correct response!
kittiestkitty@reddit
I’d get a little Bluetooth speaker and play “I wish” by skee-lo whenever he’s around. Like it’s his theme song.
LewisMileyCyrus@reddit
"one of your jokes will land one day half pint, keep trying"
Gullible-Hose4180@reddit
Except don't
PrincessTitan@reddit
I honestly wouldn’t be able to stop myself from outright telling him to shuttup and get help for his insecurities for being such a pipsqueak because I can’t be arsed to deal with it… But others are much more polite so I’d go with their suggestions.
💀
Kaurblimey@reddit
“Sorry I didn’t quite get that one, do you mind explaining the joke” works quite well
DoubleDecaff@reddit
This is my go to... Force them to explain it fully. Then when they get to the end, tell them it wasn't funny.
TheBusThatWasSpeed@reddit
"I remember my first beer"
Rockky67@reddit
Send him an itemised list of subjects and things about you that would really hit home.
Pitiful_Shoulder9730@reddit
"Jeff's doing a joke, Jeff's doing a joke, everybody quiet 'cause Jeff's doing a joke!"
Ok_Analyst_5640@reddit
[in a mocking tone] haha, Jeff just did a funny haha
SuperPossible120@reddit
'Did a funny' is peak millennial humour
Durantsthegoat@reddit
Freak
Daggerbite@reddit
other than the great advice, try some variants...
repeat back what he says to you, eg. if he says 'you're too big for that kind of thing' just repeat it back 'no you're too big'. Its childish but needs no prep, especially good if its a height related thing he starts on
also try following someone like this: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTGTv9qDO8n/
some belters from that post:
"You've been thinking about that for a while, haven't you?" - Exposes their obsession
"Why does this bother you so much?" - Reframes their attack as insecurity
"I moved on weeks ago" - Shows they're stuck while you're past it
"If that made you feel better, I'm glad I could help" - Treats their insult like therapy
JayR_97@reddit
Tell him " Your comments are making me uncomfortable. Please stop". Complain to HR if he carries on after that
YSOSEXI@reddit
"Give it a rest you sad cunt"!
PsychologicalDish430@reddit
He sounds delightful, years ago he would have been locked out/in or something more!
I_like_creps123@reddit
Have a quiet word and tell him wind his neck in, especially in front of others as it’s starting to piss u off and you’ve been very courteous to let it slide for this long
kitjen@reddit
''That joke came up a bit short there mate. Bit like you.''
Margaet_moon@reddit
One roundhouse kick to the face should work
Impossible_Volume811@reddit
“We get it, you’re new and you want to fit in.
Just do your job and stop trying so hard to be funny and you’ll get on fine.”
NaveedQ@reddit
Don't have a "quiet".
I would suggest you get him to explain exactly what he means by saying that....then if he says it's a joke. ..tell him that you are not finding it funny to be constantly insulted.
RedManUK@reddit
Just do a really long yawn.
Gingerbarkid@reddit
Call it out. Next time he does it ask if he's got a problem with you.
When he says he's just joking tell him you don't have that sort of relationship to have that sort of banter.
Make the situation awkward and roll with it.
AfternoonAfraid2192@reddit
Is he a younger lad by any chance? Chances are he's trying his hardest to fit in by attempting to banter. We all know what it's like being the new guy at work, especially "on the tools" where banter can be especially brutal and especially if you're a young lad. He's likely just trying not to get himself torn to pieces 😂
Why not try pulling him to one side and have a quiet word with him?
No-Classroom-6637@reddit
"because of the size difference" lmao what? Are you an Irken or something?
Chronically_Quirky@reddit
Ask him to explain his joke. Tell him you don't get it.
JonCee500@reddit
“Points for effort, pint size”
290Richy@reddit
This sounds like Peepshow level of awkward.
ForcePrimary6536@reddit
What a nob!
Latter-Falcon-9167@reddit
One of my mates always says “aye good crack that mate” and it’s ducking brutal
Judge_Dreddful@reddit
A dignified response would be 'As the old phrase goes - It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt'
You could always add 'you shortarse cunt' at the end as well if you wanted to be a bit less dignified.
Doomsday_Holiday@reddit
You have to rub it under his nose within three seconds of silence "You don't get it, do you?" and walk away.
RegretEasy8846@reddit
I don’t think you need to do anything from what you’ve said; the audience are doing it for you. He’ll either stop, or get known as someone who is annoying. In my experience.
jamawg@reddit
Since he's a smout, tell him to grow up
theegrimrobe@reddit
just tell him to cut it out - privately
paolog@reddit
"Look, I know you're new, so you don't know the work culture very well yet. What you're doing is inappropriate and if you continue, I'll be speaking to HR."
PurplePlodder1945@reddit
I think I’d ignore it. It just makes him look even more stupid because no-one’s reacting. If you react it’s what he wants. Whatever you say to him
SpamJavelin00@reddit
That’s why he’s doing it - becasue of your size , it’s to score points & there’s no kudos in beating prey, so he goes for big game ! Just laugh and do it back, or say ‘easy tiger , shut up or I’ll start - by mentioning you being a little dwarf ‘ or similar , and just don’t take him on. But don’t get upset either , just wait til he’s finished and say ‘yeah yeah ha ha very funny you little shit ‘ in a kind of taken it as a joke but told him to shut up’ kind of way.
Chazzza23@reddit
I'm a big guy and work in kitchens, so you can imagine the rough banter that goes round. New guys start in kitchens, they start by calling me big man and making jokes etc. It's just banter. It's how some people think they can make friends in new jobs. Times are changing, and this kind of humour comes across as cringe and forced like you said. Some people aren't going to change. Just laugh it off and ignore him
FlusteredDM@reddit
This thread is full of awkward Reddit comebacks that would never work in real life, and would signal that you want that kind of 'banter', which is pretty counter to your aims here.
Repulsive-Lie1@reddit
“Sorry, I didn’t hear. Can you say that again?” The embarrassment of having to repeat a dead joke will teach him a lesson, if he’s capable of learning.
Ghosts_and_Empties@reddit
Dropping a simple "Don't do that" usually stop them.
ArachnidGal@reddit
Time to whip out my favourite phrase of all time: “what a strange thing to say out loud.”
Just that, with a slightly perplexed look on your face. Enjoy watching him squirm!
notouttolunch@reddit
I prefer the more amusing "do you realise you're talking?" version.
leftmysoulthere74@reddit
Yep: “Are you aware you just said that out loud?”
Wildredheadedgypsy@reddit
Yes this is in my toolkit along with....'are you ok?'
Latte-Addict@reddit
Don't forget the ...'do you need a hug' at the end of that.
Even_Passenger_3685@reddit
Both of these are gold, thank you
Jerico_Hill@reddit
Or my personal favourite if I'm really wanting to twist the knife
"Ooh, you must be so embarrassed you said that out loud".
Supergoose5000@reddit
I'm a fan favourite. "That was a weird thing to say" Consistent results.
DurhamOx@reddit
Followed by saying nothing for ten minutes and then asking, 'Are you still talking?' after he tries again a few times
S1lver888@reddit
I would properly roast him back, so badly that he knows who’s boss.
FitSolution2882@reddit
Depends if this is corporate or not....
If it is then it's just as likely almost any response will get you in trouble - so escalate formally under the bullying route and he'll likely be eviscerated by HR.
Otherwise, ask him to explain what result he's trying to achieve (preferrably infront of a lot of people) by attempting to be offensive.
you_aint_seen_me-@reddit
I usually find "can you explain the joke, why is this funny?", works a charm. Worst case, they react adversely and it shows everyone who they really are.
DMDR_949@reddit
Fatass.
Appropriate_Ad_1429@reddit
As the only female apprentice electrician, I was often at the butt end of guys jokes on site. You do get a thick skin but also you get good at retorts too, you've either got to give as good as you get (easier on site) or put up with it like I did in college. A big built guy took a disliking to me 5'2 and all year ribbed me but I said nothing. At the end of the year he said I was alright and smiled, I guess it was as close to an apology I'd get. I knew he secretly liked me about 3m into the course, but he couldn't let the other lads know that, once you're on a path it's difficult to admit you were wrong. Personally I prefer the former to the latter, only because if you take the flack, in my experience, it doesn't end. Humiliating someone in front of their peers was not an option for me but as someone who has a higher standing than your colleague you're in a good position to do that. I certainly wouldn't let it go on too long or you'll lose the respect of your other work colleagues. Nip it in the bud, make it funny but do it dead pan cos bullies are usually cowards who need to be put in their place, imo. I loved working on site, I had the best time and the banter made the day go faster but it was always a good laugh, if it feels demeaning then that's personal and not the same at all.
littlemissthrowwaway@reddit
I sit next to a massive guy in the office. He’s 6’6 and I’m 4’11. My entire day is spent bantering with him about our size difference. Definitely give it back.
“Do people ever mistake you for a child, being that small?” “Do people ever mistake you for a freak of nature, being that tall?”
😂😂 I love it lmao
ChineseRobinWilliams@reddit
Big words for a little man.
misslozzam@reddit
Is he a shirt bloke? You said slight. Just wondering if he’s always been ribbed for his size and is trying to get in there first.
misslozzam@reddit
Not excusing it but people do weird things sometimes lol
CuppaTeaThreesome@reddit
Chances are this cunt will be your manager as things are not fair.
I'd go the Arnold Schwarzenegger being overly supportive route. And identifying that he's just trying to fit in and he's the new one and obviously being a small man it's very difficult for him he's probably being put down a lot in his past. just let him know and making him aware hes safe that you're not going to do that to him and do it in front of others. Go in for the hug. It's ok.
And then apologize and say this is insensitive you're not very good at this sort of thing but you hope you can be friends.
Nickibee@reddit
“Still letting them tumbleweeds float about eh?” That’s what I say, after that you get me imitating the wind and a distant church bell.
BlueFungus458@reddit
Apart from Ronnie Corbett, I haven’t got time for small comedians. That was a crap joke, don’t give up the day job sonny. We’re all waiting for you to run out of Christmas cracker jokes.
HeyKillerBootsMan@reddit
“Apart from this job and trying to tell jokes, what else is new to you?”
Clothes_Chair_Ghost@reddit
Workplace ribbing and banter is completely fine, with people you know well. The fact he is new and trying to do it is not going to help him.
Have a word with your boss and ask them to speak to him about it. By the wording in your text it’s not just you he does it to so it can be kept anonymous.
He just needs to be told that this is not acceptable behaviour from someone new that doesn’t know his colleagues well enough to have playful banter and it is coming across as malicious behaviour and it needs to stop. This is something that should come from a boss.
Mr_Bumcrest@reddit
I'd say, clearly and publicly, 'I don't appreciate your jokes. Please stop'.
Then you have made it clear your boundary, and then if he keeps pushing it you remain entirely in the right
Sea-Wolf-5785@reddit
'Micropenis' is the word and it should hopefully land..
Unless he's some freak of nature; hung like a rhino somehow that's where all the size went, then it could backfire...
BogRollJoel@reddit
Nah tell him his jokes aren't funny and say if he keeps at it you'll report him for workplace harassment
LaGinger88@reddit
You’ve got a few options. As some comments said, if you have a word it may give him fuel that you can’t take a joke. He does seem like a bit of an idiot that would cry to HR if you clap back at him with some dark humour maybe along the lines of snapping him like a twig. I would probably say something of the lines of “oh, do you hear that? It’s the sound of silence” or “it must be so disappointing being a standup comedian and your jokes don’t make the audience laugh”.
I’m all for a roast in the right situations but I hate people that do it to fit in
slade364@reddit
Jeff's doing a joke! Jeff's doing a joke! Everbody quiet cos Jeff's doing a joke!
That should do it.
Rough_Target_8018@reddit
Ask him if he has small man syndrome
BarApprehensive5837@reddit
Dig back at him,call him a runt,smart arse,midget,door stopper,dust bunny,dwarf,hobbit, insult the guy back,have a crack back,he'll learn his place when he's bullied back,when I started my job I was bullied,just bully em back,he's gotta learn his place and what he can and can't say,he needs to build rapport before he starts running his mouth.
Killybug@reddit
Sleep with his mum and then sleep with his mum’s boss and persuade him to fire her.
InTheBack86@reddit
A quiet word with him in private to begin with to ask him not to do it/people aren't appreciating it etc, if that doesn't work & he continues to do it, then I'd be calling it out in front of everyone
zokkozokko@reddit
Nod at him to your colleagues and say "Aww. Aren't they lovely at that age..."
rohithimself@reddit
Quiet word. Let him know his jokes are not appreciated.
silly______goose@reddit
Does he think he's at school? If so, shove him in his locker.
Soft_Equipment123@reddit
Maybe have a word with him on the side. Say what you think but try not to make it look like fighting talk. No one needs to puff out there chest and beat on it like the alpha male. Iv had this once and the lad chilled out after i said a couple of words to him alone 😁
starbugone@reddit
I don't care what everyone else is saying. I think you can be funny sometimes
Madferit117@reddit
Shit in his coffee and tell him there’s more where that came from bitch
123shorer@reddit
Call him out, straight talking, objective and say let’s start again shall we.
Positive-Sock74@reddit
Take him outside and give him a dam good thrashing.
HorrorAccomplished78@reddit
I get that because I am very brainy (not boasting. I am.) I have even been punched. I nowadays look at the agitator with a blank expression. They soon run out of steam. Don’t try to say or do something which may antagonise the situation just shut up. My brother is not brainy. He’s the handsome worker. He was the go to sparring partner to some quite famous boxers. They stopped in the end as he was hurting them lol. However he has a very short fuse. He’s punched the lights out of at least six men I know of, probably many more he’s kept secret because I nag him about it. Some insulted his dyslexia. Some were just trying it on like this OPs coworker antagonist. So two choices - brainy solution or violent solution. Don’t break your fingers on his chin though.
Fearless-Egg-6646@reddit
A quiet word might be best, but a simple "Oof, that one didn't quite land, mate" could force the awkwardness he's creating back onto him.
darybrain@reddit
Treat him like Lao, but instead of kicks it is teaching about verbal jabs
https://youtu.be/Pcj_t03eA5Y
YouSayWotNow@reddit
I'd probably continue to ignore them.
Putting a stop to them would help him more than you and why be generous when he's determined to make a tit of himself at your expense?
cmrndzpm@reddit
What does ‘on the tools’ mean in this context?
PaddedValls@reddit (OP)
A tradesman. A labourer. A worky.
Someone who uses, but isn't confined to using, hand tools to do their job.
TheYorkshireGripper@reddit
Start calling him pencil neck, assert your dominance
MattyLePew@reddit
I think it largely depends on your work environment. Personally, I work in an office and I’d just ignore it and let him ruin his image by himself.
Having worked on building sites for a few years a while back, I’d likely be more upfront about it and attempt to humiliate him to make him stop (I like the other suggestions people have shared).
More than likely he’s making himself look like an idiot by himself and doesn’t need help. 😉
brodyhunter2020@reddit
I'd personally tell him to shut his mouth or I'll punch you, but that's just me. I've noticed with people, if you don't do it they'll keep on doing it until something is said or done.
AntitaxAntitax@reddit
'Listen up short stack, I get you are trying very hard to be the "funny man" at work but it's not happening, nobody can be bothered with your insecurities veiled in crap patter'
If you don't want to do that, tape a picture of Jimmy Savile to his back, with the words written underneath
I love Jimmy to the moon and back!
Humiliation is a visual medium
weavin@reddit
If I tried that first line I'd probably be shamed out of the building
AntitaxAntitax@reddit
Aye its a bit naff eh, had to say something semi normal before ploughing deep into my inner demon and firing up the humiliation generator in my mind. I fully stand by the Jimmy pic on his back though
cdh79@reddit
"You been watching YouTube videos where they tell you to assert dominance by finding the biggest dude and facing them down? Easy line to sell to idiots online, how do you think that will go when there's a really big guy picking you up by your ears?".
"Banter without exchange and consent is bullying, knock it off or I'll escalate it to managment, if you're lucky"
Or glue his non work boots to the floor or similar stuff. You've got options 😉
kipha01@reddit
I had to tell a new guy he doesn't know me well enough to make those type of jokes. He was doing it because I tolerated the banter on the same subjects from my long term co-workers, they had earned the right and he stupidly thought it was fair game. He soon shut up, because I apparently looked dead serious and said it in a calm 'not taking any shit' manner according to my coworkers.
No_TsandCs@reddit
On the tools? Chin him then or go be quiet in a corner somewhere else
EqualDeparture7@reddit
Every time he says something, ask him to repeat it, as if you didn't hear it. Give him a couple of attempts and then just give him a blank look like you don't understand.
Nothing more cringe for him than repeating the awful banter again and again, especially after the moment has passed.
logically-stoned@reddit
“Weird thing to say” is always my go to when anymore tries to make fun of anyone.
Most_Kiwi3141@reddit
"Sorry, was that supposed to be funny?" in a gently condescending tone. Deep South "bless your heart" energy.
Illustrious-Milk6518@reddit
Deep South? Cornwall?
Most_Kiwi3141@reddit
Sorry, I thought Deep South was a fairly transportable reference. There's insular and insular.
Illustrious-Milk6518@reddit
It was a joke
Most_Kiwi3141@reddit
My bad lol
TheDaemonette@reddit
‘Don’t give up the day job, son. Your jokes suck and are offensive. Have you tried not being an idiot at work and see how that works?”
Prettylame69@reddit
What has he said?
DanChed@reddit
“Did you mean for that to come across as funny? Oh”
TipsyPhippsy@reddit
Could it be because you're not British? (Assuming because of American spelling) maybe thats the case. May be a race thing if so.
PaddedValls@reddit (OP)
Nah mate.
I wrote a post originally, but AskUK didn't let me post it.
So pasted it into Gemini and asked it to make it postable for me.
Bastards have made me American.
mdmnl@reddit
A lot.of phones z rather than s these days. Unless someone goes full fall/fanny/pants/trunk/curb/sidewalk I assume it's spell check not geography.
Shaper_pmp@reddit
Give him a nickname. I suggest Labia Minora, because he's little, mostly useless and a bit of a cunt.
BusWanker-@reddit
If it was me, I’d just ignore it. Because if I responded and he started getting lippy back at me, I’d lose my rag and take the guy outside.
Trancer79@reddit
"you really should take 'comedian' off your CV pal, it's not working.."
benistowninspector@reddit
Whenever someone tells a shit joke, I always like to quote the snooker sketch from Mitchell and Webb Look. "That's a baaaad miss" In a gruff alcoholic voice
snarkmaiden5@reddit
Looks like hes making it worse for himself. Just sit back and watch it happen
Confudled_Contractor@reddit
Just smile and say: “Sorry mate but you appear to come up short”.
Skewered a diminutive bully MD with that in a pub once. He Stfu after that (6’ 4” myself)
ShinyHeadedCook@reddit
An absolute masterful response to someone saying nasty stuff to you in public is to pretend you didnt hear it, ask them to repeat it, then hopefully they realise how stupid it sounds
Otherwise I'd straight tell him hes embarrassing himself
christo749@reddit
Strike his tragus.
RecurvedWax@reddit
What about: Great joke HR is going to love it too
RachelRachel71@reddit
Just carry on as you are. Don’t respond. Silence.
atheistium@reddit
This is the best solution imo - or get someone else to bring it up.
chill-manoeuver@reddit
Whoah laughing at your own jokes - let’s see it HR thinks it is funny.
Eastern_Job_4746@reddit
Ffs just make friends with him
j00pY@reddit
I’m not on the tools, but I do a hobby with lots of people from that industry and police/fire service. Is he just trying to make friends with you in particular? My experience with people who have that kind of humor is that they target people they like and want banter back?
millerz72@reddit
“Jeff’s doing a joke, Jeff’s doing a joke. Everybody quiet cos Jeff’s doing a joke”
Change Jeff to whatever name of course.
Specialist-Cake-9919@reddit
Next time he does it just reply something along the lines of...
"shut up you dickhead, you're making yourself look like a right cunt'
Should do the trick.
*source... Have worked in the trade for years.
HappyCuppiccino@reddit
So many diplomatic suggestions here, so they can’t be from people who’ve worked “on the tools”. Tell him to fuck off 👍🏼
chaostrulyreigns@reddit
What sort of things does he say?
StasiaGreyErotica@reddit
“Mate, just a heads up. Those digs at me in the canteen aren’t really landing. No issue from me, but it’s coming across a bit awkward. Probably better to ease off that angle.”
Charming-Objective14@reddit
Ask me if you fall out of an ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
LukaszGlaza@reddit
I think you should be direct and tell him you don't like him joking about you, that's how you draw the boundaries and gain respect.
Tanto207064@reddit
Sounds like he has small man syndrome
ARobertNotABob@reddit
When he's there in the group, tell this joke : https://www.youhaventlived.com/qblog/2010/QBlog030510A.html
He might get the message just from the joke, but you've set it up now so you can give him just the punchline the next time he attempts a roast.
As the first line says, you can make it much ruder (c-word instead of bastard, etc).
Allydarvel@reddit
Are you still in your probation period little buddy? Fitting in is one aspect you'll be judged by. Just letting you know,..wink
Vequihellin@reddit
I would nip it in the bud now before he gets himself into trouble. Either he'll roast the wrong person, or someone higher up will decide that his behaviour isn't what they want in their team and he'll fail his probation.
If you feel comfortable addressing it yourself, do, or ask your manager to say something if you think he won't pay attention.
Once told to give it a rest, if he continues, the consequences are on him. I genuinely don't understand why people feel the need to be like this at work. Just do your job, mind your own business and don't say anything about anyone that isn't either complimentary or work-related.
DurhamOx@reddit
Put your hand on his shoulder and tell him everything's going to be okay.
high_yello@reddit
A swift uppercut would solve this problem
EnvironmentalSir4214@reddit
I find just saying ‘what a dickhead’ after usually works because everyone laughs at that instead of their joke
LittleBonsaiTree@reddit
Say "did that comment make you feel better about yourself?"
Soggy-Assist3936@reddit
"whats your name again"
Cal him by the wrong name etc
Powerful_Balance591@reddit
I’d publicly dress him down a bit but just in front of your own team not like publicly on site in front of everyone.
Just be like look mate we’re not that team, it’s not going to land you any brownie points trying to rip on me. If you want to get some respect earn in with your work and actually become a solid team member who we like to have around yeah?
Eoin_McLove@reddit
‘Are you trying to flirt or what?’
Mental-Fudge9845@reddit
I would pull him to one side. Tell him you aren comfortable and if he continues you’ll get HR involved.
Fredmcfredface@reddit
Say you don’t understand his jokes and get him to explain each one, every time.
Alternatively if he’s trying to imply you’re overweight “yeah, every time I fuck your mum she’s gives me a biscuit” goes quite far.
Bobrock99@reddit
“If you ever say that again to me, I’ll put your head through the wall”
pentiac@reddit
reply, funny that, i normally like a little joke.
GingerSnapBiscuit@reddit
You could give him the old Clarkson " Anyway...".
GingerSnapBiscuit@reddit
Bench press the cunt.
bertiebasit@reddit
Ask him to explain/repeat it ….it completely drains their energy
BronnOP@reddit
Honestly just taking him aside one to one might help. It doesn’t even have to be nasty, just a
“Hey, I get it, new place and new people, but we don’t do that around here. If you want to fit in just join in with the conversation, here come sit next to me in the canteen”
The offering to sit next to you, even just once, helps make the conversation feel less like a dressing down and more of a helping hand. You lay down your “authority” by nipping it in the bud and he shuts tf up.
Bose82@reddit
"Yeah, good one pal" usually works quite nicely
CoffeeandaTwix@reddit
Speak to him quietly and let him know he is embarrassing himself with his attempts at humour. Don't do it in front of other people because he is probably a bit nervy and misjudging the situation and making a bit of a tit of himself. No need to humiliate him publicly yet.
Had a similar situation in an old workplace. Young lad came in, dead nervy and trying to fit in with the banter but was missing the mark badly. He wasnt directly making comments about me but then he was saying stuff about people behind their backs. When we were one on one, he asked me "So who are the real cunts round here then?" I said "Mate, if you come in asking questions like that off the bat and acting like you have been, it's you. Just chill out and relax a little bit. Everyone is sound and you'll get on fine". The lad did calm down a bit after a week or so... As I said, he was just nervy and full of bravado he didn't need. Once he realised that he was sound.
MrCowabs@reddit
Make him explain his jokes to you. There’s nothing that kills a joke more than the teller having to explain it.
madmossie@reddit
Maybe he is used to the banter back at him for being small, from his last sites so is just trying to get involved, and you guys are too serious for it. Maybe he is lonely, maybe give some back to him to make him Less depressed? Maybe he needs a hug? Or maybe offer him a roll around in that carpark if doesn’t wind his neck in? Like literally are you both in school?
Heavy-Locksmith-3767@reddit
Pull his pants down in front of everyone.
Quality_Cabbage@reddit
Or flush his head down the bog.
Distant_Planet@reddit
"Don't give up the day job."
HalfBakedFuggs@reddit
Twist his dick!!!!
DeezNuts70520@reddit
What kind of things is he saying? What kind of things do you guys say to each other? You said you're on the tools and I know the culture is like that in the trades from past experience. A quiet word with him to say he's misjudged the dynamic is probably the best approach. He probably doesn't mean anything by it and like you say is just trying to fit in. Everyone's been the new guy at a job and we can all appreciate how difficult it is joining a team that are already well established with each other. There's no point putting the man down and potentially making him leave just for trying to fit in and he'd probably respond well to the advice.
Miserable_Way_2229@reddit
Just say you're breath fucking stinks mate go brush your teeth, I'm Sick of smelling shit every time you speak. That'll shut him up
Jaded_Leg_46@reddit
Next time he makes a comment ask him to repeat it. Politely and calmly say something along the lines of sorry can you say that again? The first thing it does is it directs attention away from you and it directs it back on him. If he has any self awareness he'll brush it off and leave it because he knows that repeating the words won't have the same power he thought it did when he said it intentionally. It will also humiliate him if there are other people around because it highlights the fact his words are now worthless. Whether or not he's dumb enough to repeat it, ask him calmly and politely what it was he was hoping to achive by saying those words, at this point he's under the spotlight where he has to either admit why he said or diminish his own words by playing it down as a harmless joke. If he says it was a joke relay to him that jokes result in people laughing and can he hear any laughter. Now he knows his own excuse sounds pathetic.
This tactic works with bullies and narcissists. He's not attempting to be popular by being funny, he's belittling people because he's compensating for his insecurities with little man syndrome which is why you're getting the brunt of his barbed comments. If it keeps happening carry on using this tactic when he makes a comment. He might dig his heels in for a short while but the thought of more self manufactured humiliation will stop him.
TrabantDave@reddit
I'd be having a quiet word; I'm retired now but worked for a company where there was a culture of friendly banter. The departmental manager was a smashing bloke with a great sense of humour- he was a short fat ginger northern bloke who loved a joke with us old hands, and could dish it out and take it, he was into skateboarding. New guy started and on day one he made the mistake of mocking the manager by calling him 'Tony Pork' (there's a skateboard champ called Tony Hawk) and the manager called him out, telling him he hadn't earned the right to take the piss....
cankennykencan@reddit
A jokingly rear naked choke hold.
sicknessandpurgatory@reddit
A lot of these comments I totally can agree with. Just stop him in his tracks, ask him to contextualise his comment, explain it, ask him what he means. It’ll completely short circuit his narrow little mind and hopefully that will dissuade him from continuing.
hadawayandshite@reddit
‘Speak about me like that in front of other staff and we’ll have a HR problem’
Or just
‘I wouldn’t speak about you like that and find it deeply unprofessional that you’d choose to do the same to me’
Keep it unemotional, clear and loud enough for others to hear without shouting
WeeklyPermission239@reddit
Respectfully, this is awful advice. OP will come off as deeply offended (and possibly also as a time-traveller from the 1800s).
hadawayandshite@reddit
As opposed to? Either snapping back at him creating more conflict and seeming deeply upset because you lost your temper
There is nothing wrong with having boundaries and telling people you’re not ok with something- you can advocate for yourself…especially if this has become a repeated thing
WeeklyPermission239@reddit
That's the thing. In the workplace, it's much harder to strike that balance between "Back off mate, I'm not an easy target" and "I'm professional enough not to even bother with you" than it is in a social situation. Your suggested response leans too close to the latter.
You ever seen The Inbetweeners? You know the work experience episode in the garage where they're all bullying Will and his response is to pontificate, thus giving them even more material? Yeah, that.
Probably best to let the guy's manager handle it - this kind of thing is what they're paid for
hadawayandshite@reddit
Fair enough manager/HR is what meant.
I’m not in the trades myself (teacher) but have family who have been- my dad did it most of his career and would probably have dealt with it as ‘knock it the fuck off-don’t make me repeat it again’ (80s builder)
My nephew had it the other way, as a newbie someone kept needling him so he bit back and made fun of the bloke- who didn’t take it kindly, someone else stepped in to tell him to knock it off…then the older bloke reported him to HR for aggression and it became a whole thing where HR was fully involved and shifts got changed etc etc
My experience at work and then their experiences lead my to my solutions
Illustrious-Milk6518@reddit
Oh yikes this seems pretty mean to a guy that clearly has social issues
hadawayandshite@reddit
Depends how much he’s needling the guy and what he’s been saying-if it has become a repeated thing to the point that he’s come to reddit to ask for advice
I’m not suggesting he even goes to HR- but it lets the bloke know ‘I don’t accept being treated like this’
Illustrious-Milk6518@reddit
Yeah he came for advice asking if he should ignore, or have a quiet polite convo. Not advice which would be a massive overreaction and cause loads of tension in the workplace😂 I don’t even understand how you immediately jumped to public calling out, threats about escalating it, and talking about professional behaviour to a tradie lol
hadawayandshite@reddit
I think mine is better than all the others who are saying to put him down or call him a child infront of others etc
I did include the option of speaking to him directly and just say he doesn’t want to be spoken to like that
Fair enough you’re saying he’s in the trades so there might be different social rules involved.
What’s your suggestion?
grepusman@reddit
"Are you 12?"
pixeltash@reddit
Borrow from atomic shrimp
"Are you a small boy?"
Tumbl3Flump@reddit
He probably likes you wants to be your pal, thats his attempt at banter. I would say, hey man, we gotta get to know the real you better before this shit might even be remotely considered funny. Prove yourself first.
yesbutnobutokay@reddit
Ask him, "shouldn't you be at school?".
Rich_27-@reddit
He was suspended for eating the crayons
-info-sec-@reddit
He's probably going through imposter syndrome and you are his connection, perhaps you showed some kind of kindness to him.
It'll take a few months to fit in. He probably wants to be liked and part of the group.
To get the best from him, he needs to feel welcome and part of the team. From his view, it's probably very isolating and he wants to be let in...
That'll come with time though... you could probably explain this to him. Highlight that he's making a fool of himself and will get himself a nickname.
Agitated_Ad_361@reddit
I’ve put two joke answers to these questions before and received 7 days bans from the whole of Reddit each time, I refuse to be sucked in to this again.
fiveofspades94@reddit
Insecure people often do this. It's one of the nastier side effects of low self esteem.
"Did that make you feel better?"
Fruitpicker15@reddit
My brother gets this sometimes from new lads on site and he says you have to shut it down straight away because they're sizing you up to see if they can push you around.
elgrn1@reddit
Ask questions.
"What does that mean?"
"I don't get it, can you explain?"
"How is it a joke?"
And then wait out the silence, ideally with direct eye contact.
He will either flounder (don't assist unless its to ask more questions that highlight the inappropriateness or unprofessionalism of his behaviour), try to explain (which will make the situation worse so leave him to it), or complain you're being difficult (in which case you ask more questions wondering what is difficult about you asking what he means, if its funny surely everyone should get the joke so why can't he explain, etc).
This is the only time when playing dumb allows you to make a teachable moment out of a situation. You haven't lectured him, unless there's a need to at the end to make your point, so he can't even complain about you because then he would need to explain what he said and why he thought it was acceptable.
Arduous_Aardvark@reddit
If he's doing it in the canteen and no one is laughing point that out. "Read the room, no one finds you funny so keep your mouth shut" I've used something similar before on a construction site and they went bright red and didnt say anything else, at least not in front of me but that's not my problem. Fuck you Peter.
Crunchie2020@reddit
Just say you keep trying and it’s not working
Then have a big ole laugh with the office. You n your Colleagues and he will see You are established. You have friends there and being mean or this kinda behaviour isn’t working
DeadAudio@reddit
If you’re on a building site , have a particularly hot curry washed down with gallons of Guinness on a Thursday night, then on Friday get him in a small cupboard with the pretence of showing him something making sure you block the exit, then blow off heartily and just keep him in there until he vomits. It’ll ruin his weekend.
Note: I cannot confirm or deny I have witnessed this with my own eyeballs to an apprentice electrician on a site in London a few years ago 😎
CowDontMeow@reddit
“Let’s lock the new guy in a cupboard with me so he can witness me shit myself”
Ergophobe470@reddit
I once did something similar to a colleague who'd pissed me off in a previous job. He reported me, and it was a real struggle keeping a straight face while sat in the manager's office being accused of "malicious farting".
CowDontMeow@reddit
He’s probably picking on you indirectly because of your size, it’s not that you’re a big lad it’s that you stand out so he’s latched on. Probably a completely harmless thing from a nervous guy trying to fit in tbh, got one like it at work, the more shit I give him back the more he seems to chill out and stop acting like he’s boofed 12 shots of coffee.
CRJF@reddit
When we're kids a lot of us equate being funny with being mean. Some people never move on.
"it's not like that here" might work
internalpatterns@reddit
Grow up. Pair of you
SpaceCatSociety@reddit
Kind of disheartening how terrible the advice here is. Absolutely do not bully this person back. Raise with a manager and leave it for them to have the conversation. Request not to be named and that the only consequence you seek is for the behaviour to stop. You’re also doing well giving him the benefit of a doubt that he doesn’t understand how his behaviour comes across.
You don’t need to be dealing with a bully at work, we all deserve better. Sorry you’re having to deal with it.
KonkeyDongPrime@reddit
“Office banter not your strong point is it mate? How about you give it a rest?”
ChoakIsland@reddit
'where's your tool?'
sleepyprojectionist@reddit
Is this the workplace equivalent of going to prison and decking the biggest guy you can on the first day so that everyone knows not to mess with you?
He’s probably insecure about fitting in.
For me everyone gets the benefit of doubt. I tend not to ascribe to malice what can instead be explained by stupidity.
Take him aside privately and have a word.
If he then continues to be a bellend then you can do the “do you mind explaining that?” trick.
If that doesn’t work then perhaps it becomes a HR issue.
Old_Quit_851@reddit
“I see what you did there”
bsnimunf@reddit
Next time he does it allow for the silence then say "his name" lean in close and make physical contact by touching his elbow or something and saying "how long are you going to keep this up" then say nothing else but just maintain eye contact thought the silence.
Evening_Procedure216@reddit
Give him a chance. One chance. Take him aside and tell him. Nothing wrong with that. Do it nicely and politely and just say that you don’t know what his motivations are for what he does, but that he’s putting everyone’s back up, including your own and that it’s way too aggressive. That’s all you need to say. Tell him you are doing him a favour by letting him know. Then he can go away and consider his behaviour.
If it doesn’t change, then escalate it. Good luck. He’s probably trying to make friends, but is really going about it the wrong way. Nip it in the bud.
SallyJaneCooper@reddit
Unless you are the manager/admin/boss never have a private conversation of this nature. It usually causes the bully to claim they're being bullied. Nobody runs to file an HR harassment claim faster than a bully who's been butt hurt.
Frankly, since this is happening in public spaces, I'm disappointed that a higher level staff person hasn't addressed it.
Also the number of people with autism spectrum protection these days is increasing exponentially. If he's one of them, and this sort of behaviour lacking in social awareness is symptomatic, he will be protected whilst the actual victim of his "jokes" (OP) is disciplined.
Refer this up the chain.
SpaceCatSociety@reddit
I agree with this entirely as someone who has dealt with a challenging colleague (and still dealing after she left, tribunal is end of this year). Take this up with a manager who can have a word with him.
SpaceCatSociety@reddit
I absolutely agree that if I were him this is how I would want it to be dealt with. However I would be careful about this entirely human and appropriate way of dealing with it without witnesses, as someone who has experience with a challenging colleague and knows what a nightmare it would be to deal with a challenging conversation without witnesses or a paper trail if there is later a complaint.
Suspicious-Bread-693@reddit
“Just do a - sorry say that again - or a -you talking to me- rage bait him
Phenomenomix@reddit
Yeah, ignore him and then ask “did you say something” so he has to repeat it. If he does repeat it, most idiots will say nothing, just ask he what he means and to explain to you how what he said is funny/relevant to what you were talking about.
kifflington@reddit
"Are you okay?"
CongealedBeanKingdom@reddit
Then a wee head pat for comfort.
WillowTreeBark@reddit
Everytime he says something just tell him to "pipe down" - basically, shut up, but in a nice condocending way. If you want to make it better, do that thing sith your hand where your telling them to be quiet.
Over, and over again, he will get the jist.
77HighOnYou@reddit
lol pipe down on repeat would probably get the message across pretty quick tbf
but yeah that might turn it into more of a thing than it needs to be. feels like one of those where a quick quiet mate it’s not really landing would sort it faster than dragging it out in front of everyone
right now he just sounds like he’s trying too hard and not reading the room at all 😅
Helpful_Western7298@reddit
ALWAYS take it to the manager or supervisor.
th3gw4@reddit
Don’t do it publicly, quietly to one side ask him if he needs some help fitting in, tell him the jokes are making him look a bit awkward
summerloco@reddit
Just say his little man syndrome is coming out and it’s not a good look for someone new
BillyJoeDubuluw@reddit
Depending how ruthless the atmosphere in your place of work is I would honestly come out with something like “put your dick back in your pencil case and stop reaching will you mate?”… but in all seriousness, if it’s not that kind of environment I would genuinely consider flagging it up with the appropriate people…
Whether it’s little man syndrome or some kind of social quirk he has, he needs to rain it in. If it was the other way around it would be quickly observed as bullying… Being a petite adult doesn’t mean you get away with the behaviour of a ten year old… He needs winding down.
my-comp-tips@reddit
Just let him keep going. You don't need to lower yourself. In the end it will backfire on him.
the_beer_truck@reddit
“Fuck off little legs”
jejdhdijen@reddit
Pick him up and launch him across the room.
AskUK-ModTeam@reddit
r/AskUK does not allow threats of violence
Euphoric_Seaweed5872@reddit
I see you're a fan of the diplomatic approach.
TheSandInTheGlass@reddit
After that, I'm taking Cuba. Just taking it. Maybe. If I want to, I will.
PinItYouFairy@reddit
THABK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION IN THIS MATTER
Few_Scientist5381@reddit
Pump him in front of everyone to assert Dominance.
Snooker1471@reddit
"I bet that sounded much better in your head before you said it mate". After that if he comes back for more then just various snow-white/dwarf references. "Hey mate Sleepy is looking for ya" "Hey mate snow white is doing a head count now fuck off n find her"
SpaceCatSociety@reddit
Depends on your workplace. In mine I would bring it up with the boss who would have a gentle word with him to make him aware there has been a complaint about his behaviour and that it needs to stop, but wouldn’t push for anything further. If your workplace doesn’t have a culture where that is acceptable or a good idea, then I’d try the suggestion of gently challenging him the next time he does it; “I am actually finding it quite inappropriate to be spoken to like this at the workplace. Could you please stop”. And if it happens in front of people, I’d challenge it in front of people. But tbh I would probably cry if someone was bullying me for my weight so I’m not sure I would be able to do that
AndyOf77@reddit
Take him to the pub on Friday night, if he's genuinely a dick and can't fit in then he will likely get leathered and not want to come back anyway🤣
Qwertyuiop4325@reddit
Pull him to one side and tell him if he doesn't stop, you'll shag his mum.
lapsongsue@reddit
"Stop showing off!" in a slightly withering tone.
Points out it's not funny or welcomed, but playful enough to appear in the same "spirit" his piss poor attempts at humour.
IntrusiveUK@reddit
Next time he says something just immediately look at someone else and say “watch anything good last night?” Just completely dismiss what he said and don’t make eye contact and start a convo with someone else.
If he makes another joke, calmly flick him in the nose and say “No, bad boy”.
Reserve10@reddit
Pause whilst looking at him and calmly say, "can you just repeat that." Takes all the power out of it for him, he's wants the emotional reaction.
Eckmatarum@reddit
A quiet word about it is probably best.
A bit of reassurance for him too, let him know you didn't take offence but the "jokes" aren't welcome and he needs to stop.
CarDry6754@reddit
In my experience ignoring stuff rarely works to make it go away, it doesn’t escalate it but that’s all it does. Give it a try in the short term, but if it goes on long term other action is needed.
Appropriate_Emu_6930@reddit
“When are you going to understand that your jokes just aren’t landing?”
marquoth_@reddit
Instead of letting it hang and hoping he'll realise, which he's clearly too dim to do, point it out.
Give it a moment then say "see how nobody's laughing? That's because you aren't funny"
jizzyjugsjohnson@reddit
Punch him in the balls
Pink-socks@reddit
You need to nip this in the bud quickly. This is bullying. If he is picking on you because of your body shape he needs sacking quite frankly. But let's be nice.
Next time it happens say "please don't do that, it's not nice". Then if it happens again, you make a formal complaint. He may say there's no malice, but if you call him out on it and it continues, then it needs to be addressed by management, and I'm guessing it won't be good for him.
PrinceFan72@reddit
I tend to ignore, unless it's become a big problem like your situation seems to be. I've taken two paths, in the past:
1 - Just ask what the problem is. Not in a confrontational way, though as a fellow bigger bloke, however you say it may be seen as confrontational. A simple, "what's the problem? why do you keep doing this?"
2 - Or in the case of the guy who kept making comments about my weight, in front of the whole office, "I may be overweight but I can fix that, your hair isn't growing back, is it?"
Nigelb72@reddit
I'd verbally bitch slap him tbh
handtoglandwombat@reddit
I’d start with a one on one conversation and talk to him about it in the very direct way you’re talking about it in this post. The whole I “think you’ve gotten off on the wrong foot, shall we try a reset?” Approach. Then if that doesn’t work you can move on to the more soul-crushing manoeuvres that other users are suggesting.
TheDisapprovingBrit@reddit
"You're not funny Tom. You're fat, and you look like you should be, but you're not"
Plodo99@reddit
I find the best response is an awkward “ok” with a glance at others as if it’s cringe. Displaying you feel sorry for them. This gets the message across that they’re not funny / embarrassing themselves.
Klakson_95@reddit
Make him say it again, with more eyes
"Sorry what was that?"
Capital_Shift871@reddit
I’d give it a bit more time ignoring it, but if it keeps going, just pull him aside and say it’s not landing....
spindledick@reddit
Bring a pair of binoculars. Next time he tries to make fun of you, lift your binoculars out and look into the distance like your trying to find something. He'll question you at which point you say:
"Don't worry, it's okay, I'm just looking for your joke to see if it's going to land... Oh? Ooh! There it is, found it, oh, oh aww, it's fizzled out. Never mind, maybe next time eh?"
quite_acceptable_man@reddit
"Who put 50p in the dickhead?!"
unaubisque@reddit
If you have thick skin and it genuinely doesn't bother you then just keep ignoring, he will get bored sooner or later if there is no reaction.
However, based on the fact that you've made a post here about it, perhaps it is niggling you more than you would like to admit, in which case definitely ask him to back off a bit, or get someone else to have a quiet word.
WeeklyPermission239@reddit
The suggestions here are good, but really his manager should be picking this up - you shouldn't have to deal with it at all.
Is his manager approachable and reasonable? Maybe a quiet word about new guy having misjudged the company culture and wanting to address it professionally?
Basic-Pudding-3627@reddit
This is passive-aggressive behaviour born from insecurity and possibly status focused. These types of people push boundaries and will not stop, until they are confronted. They may even escalate.
First have a quiet word, tell them it is unacceptable behaviour, and you are not comfortable with it. If it continues then escalate to HR or their boss.
If you do nothing, it is a clear signal to them to continue with the behaviour.
Akitapal@reddit
Good AI botty response
Aaronw94@reddit
Yeah haha what tradie has a HR department
Cranberry64@reddit
‘You have a big ego for such a diminutive guy’. He probably won’t understand anyway but people round you should x
forzamaria@reddit
Why don't you fuck off Chris?
HistoryAntique2658@reddit
Ignoring helps, but a quick quiet word would probably sort it.
mingebinj@reddit
Do any of the others make similar jokes or are they totally out of the blue?
My first thought was that he obviously sees you as some kind of threat somehow. Also, it feels like he's following crappy advice similar to the whole 'fight the biggest person in prison' bollocks.
In my opinion, you have three routes you can go down depending on whether you'd want to write off ever having a relationship with him.
First one, just ruin him when he says something. Even just saying "have you got a problem" in front of everyone will probably shut him up.
Second one, which I'd personally do, is to pull him to one side and ask him what's going on/telling him to stop. But if you do this I'd recommend telling someone you know first so they can listen in and be a witness if he doesnt take kindly to it and makes an accusation.
Finally, just ignore it. Eventually he'll get the memo. Not sure how long it has been going on for but it's unlikely to go on forever if he's not getting anything out of it (unless what he's getting is an ego boost for griefing a big lad, which as a short lad myself I think could be possible).
Hope it gets resolved soon mate. Nothing worse than having a situation like that looming over you at work and had a similar situation with a older lady when I was a new prison officer. She always griefed me and spoke to me like shit for not being experienced. What worked for me was speaking to her. That seemed to gain her respect and let her know I wasnt going to stand for it.
thereisalwaysrescue@reddit
“I’m sorry I don’t understand, can you explain?”
Urbanyeti0@reddit
Send them an email “I note you’ve been making a number of comments at my and our colleagues expense, this doesn’t seem appropriate. Please knock it off and act professionally, we all deserve respect at work”
If that doesn’t work, escalate to managers / HR
TheKnightsRider@reddit
Your big personality must be compensating for something.
Upbeat_Map_348@reddit
I think that the diplomatic approach would be to ask someone else to have a quiet word with him and explain that it’s not funny. Less confrontational than doing it yourself. If he still doesn’t stop then it’s fair game.
Jebble@reddit
Quiet tell? Just call him out publically. "I don't appreciate the jokes, please stop."
Ok-Palpitation-5380@reddit
Wait till everyone is there. Tell him his birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory
VandelSavagee@reddit
always send back even harder
cartazian@reddit
"Did you mean to sound disrespectful just then?"
INEKROMANTIKI@reddit
I'd just fire back and put him down completely.. but I'm a quick-witted ****hole by default, so he'd soon turn his attention to someone else
Adept_Butterfly_6742@reddit
Mate, what are you doing? Trying to show off or something?
Farticus79@reddit
Just call him "little'un"
Especially if any women are around.
yolo_snail@reddit
Contrary to what other people are saying, why not just lean into it.
You might make a friend.
Polz34@reddit
I would 100% be responding to him to see how he reacts a simple 'that's not acceptable' statement would do it. Then address with his manager if needed!
Haunting_Cell_8876@reddit
Sensible option would be to pull him to one side and ask him to stop. Or, to mess with him next time he makes a joke ask him to explain what he means because you can't understand. Then keep asking. Most people fold under this.
Ochib@reddit
have a quiet word with him and if that doesn't work speak to his manger
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