Have you ever had a problem ruminating about work or your job?
Posted by Delicious-Series-316@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 54 comments
This is something I’ve had an issue with for a long time, worrying and thinking about work when you’re not at work. Thinking about up coming tasks, issues with colleagues, things I should have done or said etc, like a cow chewing its cud basically you just pull it up and go over it. The interesting thing is it doesn’t happen when you’re at work because you’re focused and busy but on the commute home it starts, at the restaurant after work you’re already checked out stuck in your head, in the morning when you open your eyes there it is, on the morning commute, then you’re at work it stops and the cycle continues.
It sucks up and ruins your free time, oddly I’ve found the only place my mind is free is at work itself.
togtogtog@reddit
You can't not think about something. If I tell you not to think about a pink elephant, you end up thinking about a PINK ELEPHANT, even though the thought wasn't even in your head a few seconds ago.
However, you can find other interesting things to think about, which will fill your mind outside of work, leaving no space for thinking about work.
What do you spend your time doing outside of work? Hobbies that take the right level of thinking are great.
And when you are on your commute, you can use a bit of 'mindful meditation', paying very close attention to the information coming in through your senses, the sounds you hear, the tastes, smells, things you feel, what you see, sending your attention outwards into the world, rather than allowing your focus to go inwards in your head.
If you do go inwards, you can talk to yourself as you would talk to any other person, in a flattening, not dramatic, reassuring way. Compare these two:
Ugh, I called Fred 'George' today by accident! I bet he thinks I'm an idiot! He didn't ever act like he liked me anyway! I bet they are all talking about it. They will all think I'm no good at my work. I'll probably get sacked tomorrow.
Ugh, I called Fred 'George' today by accident! Don't worry about it - we all do these things at some point. He probably didn't even notice quite honestly. I mean, it really isn't a big deal in the scheme of things. Remember, you always tend to get overdramatic in your head about these things. Think of all those other times in the past that came to nothing at all! And remember when Julie accidentally called the manager 'mum'? Ha ha - that was hilarious! And Julie is really good at her job.
Mrbigbiceps@reddit
I found this really helpful! I often try to ground myself when i start to spiral by telling myself that the things I'm panicking about aren't a big deal and that I'm being dramatic but to see someone else write it down is v helpful in getting me to actually believe it lol
Boswell188@reddit
I have EXACTLY the same problem. This might sound a little silly, but one thing that helps me is a story about Napoleon, who would tell himself his mind was like a chest of drawers and he would just "shut the drawer" on anything that he couldn't bear thinking about any more. This guy who was Emperor of France, had the weight of the political and military world on his shoulders, had all of Europe trying to defeat him for nearly twenty years, couldn't get a legitimate heir, lost most of his army on the Russian front... if HE could shut the drawer, then so can I. And so can you. Just try, anyway, for your sanity's sake.
Also, if Napoleonic advice fails, play Stardew Valley.
Arnoave@reddit
I used to a lot, but I've trained myself to stop, mostly. I think this issue is behind a lot of people's post-work drinking habits as well.
Delicious-Series-316@reddit (OP)
Can I ask how you trained yourself to stop?
Arnoave@reddit
It's hard to explain, but essentially it was by catching myself before I spiral by identifying when I'm starting to dwell on it and consciously choosing to think about something else, read a book, do something "productive" but for myself like putting the washing up or filling that form I needed to do or whatever. The main point is to identify when it's happening and create a mental break or full stop, draw a line under that thought and move on.
Delicious-Series-316@reddit (OP)
It’s essentially breaking an ingrained habit then, at first you consciously have to do something to change your focus such as reading or going for a walk or whatever but eventually it becomes subconscious and that becomes the new norm
Arnoave@reddit
Yeah that's it basically
FraggleGoddess@reddit
I had a promotion on secondment that would've went permanent, but I was struggling to sleep thinking about work, waking up worrying about work, and stressed about it for a lot of my non work time.
Stepping down was a hit to my wages but so worth not thinking about work all the time. Annoyingly, they are going to take on a 2nd person which shows it was too much for one person. But sod it, I'm much less stressed now.
ThatFilthyMonkey@reddit
Yes but not in a particularly negative way, I’ll suddenly think of a solution or best way to do something and keep thinking about it. So annoying that I’ll be trying to go to sleep or watch something with my wife and my brain is trying to write code on the side, but it doesn’t stress me.
RockAndHardPlace81@reddit
I had this big time. I worked part time but I thought and worried about it so much that I effectively was working 24/7. I even dreamed about work, slept talked about it. It is a sign things are getting too stressful for you to cope with. Is there any kind of manager/HR for you to talk to about how you're feeling? They may be able to suggest practical ways to take the pressure off. If that's not an option, I would search for a new job. In the end, I had to quit my job and the second I knew that my to-do list would stop growing and would stop being my problem, headspace and zen came back. In the meantime, pick up or keep up some non-screen hobbies to keep you focused on non-work things out of work whether it be nature walks, jogging, colouring, reading, audiobooks, crafting etc. I would also recommend writing how you feel/what happened down even if you don't go back to it, it's cathartic!
DanteLore1@reddit
When I'm stressed or over-thinking a work problem outside work time, I write it down.
We use slack, where you can type messages to yourself, so I open that up an write a long rant about it. What I'm worried about, what the issues are, the dumb stuff people are doing etc.
I tell myself I'll go back and read it when I get back to work, but I rarely do. In reality it's just a way to dump it out of my brain.
RockAndHardPlace81@reddit
I second this suggestion. Whenever I'm anxious and/or riled up, I will write it out either in my phone notes or with paper and pen so that I can go back to it when it's the right time. 9 times out of 10 I don't need to go back to it because just writing it out was cathartic!
hunsnet457@reddit
This is why I almost always go for a walk after work, 30 mins to an hour of just walking, listening to something and letting my thoughts do their thing.
Once that’s done, any niggling thoughts that rear their head after clearly weren’t important enough to come up before, so they can just be left alone for now.
Isgortio@reddit
Yes, it stopped when I quit the jobs. If a job takes over, there's an issue.
ember_eb@reddit
Occasionally but my job isn’t stressful or important enough 70% of the time for this to be a permanent issue, nor am I senior/paid enough for that level of care. During the months when my role really amps up though then yeah it’s all I think about.
My brain is a big lover of obsessive rumination in general though! Also you possibly don’t think about it whilst at work as you’re actually in control of your work during those hours. Anything you could do/say/action can be done/said/actioned.
Delicious-Series-316@reddit (OP)
My job isnt important either so why I give a fcuk not sure. I think it’s because my manager treats it like he’s running Google or Apple not some small crappy company based on the back of beyond
ember_eb@reddit
Oof yeah if you have a bad manager then that’s rough. It’s only when you step away from those types of positions do you beat yourself over the head for ever having given such a shit and let someone’s poor management affect you so much. Commiserations, I hope one day you finally get some mental freedom however that may come about
therealstealthydan@reddit
Did you ever find a way to stop the rumination? Seems to me that my brain just bounces from one topic to the next, even if I manage to push one out it comes back around a few days or week later.
ember_eb@reddit
Work rumination or in general? The problematic work rumination resolved by getting a new job. Now I only have occasional work rumination in a way that feels at least justified during periods when I ought to really care about work.
General rumination nahh nothing really helps. Aside annoyingly from all the textbook things like regular exercise, eat well, cut down on booze & recreationals. Think it’s just how my brain operates by default !
Agreeable_Guard_7229@reddit
Have you had this issue with previous jobs?
If not, this sounds more like an issue with your manager than with you. If it’s affecting you this much, look for another job. Life’s too short to be stressed all the time
Delicious-Series-316@reddit (OP)
I don’t think I did tbh certainly can’t remember having it in the past.
Agreeable_Guard_7229@reddit
Sounds like you would benefit from looking for a new job, life’s too short to be in a job that’s making you miserable.
I had this once in a previous job, I was dreading going to work in the mornings. Leaving was the best thing I did
Ok-Bad-7189@reddit
Sometimes I find I just need to log in to my laptop at night and fire out an email or review something that's bothering me. The key is to recognise that those moments are exceptions not rules and to claw back some time in the next week to make up for it (for example finishing work a couple hours earlier on friday and doing something nice with the family to make up for the emails you were reading at midnight on Monday).
ARobertNotABob@reddit
Ha-ha. Too long in my working life. I retired last year.
Once the subconscious has had a chance to brew on something, it invariably produces solutions to issues.
But the trick is not to keep thinking about them, ruminating as you put it, because then you're just going round and round in your head as if with a worry, a feedback loop from hell, and that's what sucks at you, maybe even disrupts your sleep.
Finish for the day, come away.
Sure, those thoughts will crash in now & again, but suppress them, say, out loud if necessary, "this is not the time to be thinking about this". Distract yourself, whatever works. It gets easier.
It's not dissimilar to anxiety management, wherein the worrying becomes the whole problem. Once you focus away from the problem, the worry evapourates, and your subconscious can get to work.
Arbytt@reddit
Yes, I'm prone to ruminating on everything and have associated anxiety.
I found going back to the office as much as possible and the commute time helps provide transition time to get me from work mode into home mode. It's not always successful, but more often than not.
If office/commute is not an option for you I'd suggest an activity (could be something as simple as go for a walk to the nearest paper shop) to insert a break between work time and home time.
Hope you find something that works for you.
Delicious-Series-316@reddit (OP)
Good idea, I used to hit the gym after work years back, it only was for 30 mins or so but never had that issue then
heartpassenger@reddit
I highly recommend starting this again. Seeing as you can’t change your manager, sometimes the only way to cope is to force yourself to have some transition time. I have a high pressure job for absolutely no reason (mid manager level, not exactly saving lives, but the company acts like everything is life or death). The only way I cope is by closing my laptop at 5 on the dot and going for a run. I work from home so that’s easy for me, but even when I worked in the office I would go straight to the gym. I get all my anger and frustration out in those sessions and it really helps level my responses during the day as I’ve not built up a load of stress or resentment.
Educational-Angle717@reddit
Yeah all the time - alot of mine though stems from my position, i'm just below middle-management but essentially am as I line manage someone myself. I then ruminate alot if this position is somewhat downplayed, or overshadowed by colleagues, or im made to feel 'lower' despite doing high-level work. So i'm sort of not recognised and then ruminate on comments or meetings i'm not in.
MamaMiaow@reddit
Yes I have the same issue - always have. I give too much of myself to work and don’t really know how to stop. I’m obsessed with checking in on results in my own time and always worried when things aren’t going well. I try to think of solutions and agonise over negative conversations.
But then I do get a lot of pressure about results and my company makes regular redundancies - so there is a reason I feel this way.
Pressure aside, I do enjoy the work I do though - maybe that’s part of it. If it was “just a job” I could maybe make more of a mental switch. But then I worry that if I lose this job I’ll end up doing something I don’t enjoy as much.
Sorry - no advice but you’re not alone!
Delicious-Series-316@reddit (OP)
Judging by the comments it seems a fairly common thing tbh.
helpmaboabjings@reddit
Every night before work or the odd night if i'm on leave.
I'm the same too - I feel i'm only at peace when i'm at work. My anxiety is never ending. I don't hate my job or particularly dislike it but I find myself constantly worrying about thing i shouldn't be worrying about.
Delicious-Series-316@reddit (OP)
Yes this is me also.
ben_jamin_h@reddit
I have had jobs that made me feel like this.
I left those jobs for other jobs where I didn't have to take work stress hone with me.
Affectionate_Day7543@reddit
At one point yes. Now I don’t care about that side. It is an important job and lives can be at stake so that side of things I still obviously do what I’m trained to do, but management have proven themselves to be so incompetent that I have no respect for them anymore. They’re largely absent now anyway after another massive round of redundancies in middle management but I pay very little attention to what they have to say now. I just come and do my job and leave.
Zealousideal-Ask5822@reddit
I do this alot. Particularly with working from home alot. The best thing I've found is an activity that breaks the day between work and after work. Sometimes going for a run or cleaning /housework helps give your brain a break
Akash_nu@reddit
This literally is my job, but then again, with responsibilities one cannot avoid such thoughts and it also depends on the industry one is in.
Bellatrixforqueen@reddit
Yep and it was taking over my life this time last year an affecting my family . I handed in notice without another job but by God I wished I had done it sooner
Bellatrixforqueen@reddit
Also not an important job saving lives, I work in recruitment.
Fun-Barnacle1332@reddit
I've had problems with anxiety before, which is kind of life out of control rumination. Sometimes you might need to change your work environment (new job) but once you've built the habits they're as likely to move with you (the brain is an arse like that, it learns lol).
Daily meditation is the best thing I ever did for myself personally. Carve some time in the morning to sit for 10-30 minutes, develop a routine (popular to follow the breath but I've got a several step process I basically borrowed from the Headspace program that works for me), and just do it everyday. It feels weird at first and it can be difficult to sit for long when your brain is bouncing around but over time it helps tremendously. Or well, it helped me anyway! If you try it, remember the goal isn't to stop thoughts, it's just to learn to let thoughts go more quickly and return to the anchor (the breath).
bexiesaal@reddit
I am intrigued about your several step process if you don’t mind sharing?
Fun-Barnacle1332@reddit
Of course no worries.
Start with eyes open, breathe in through the nose out through the mouth, have a sort of... soft gaze, not really focusing on anything just taking in what's in front of you, the space around you.
Close eyes, let breath return to in and out through the nose. Feel how the weight of my body is distributed, feet against the floor, bum in the seat, hands in my lap, the points of contact.
Acknowledge any sounds, again without focus just letting them into and out of my awareness.
The "body scan", let my awareness touch each part of my body and acknowledge how it feels. I start from the top of the head and work my way down to my toes. This bit can take awhile especially when you first start meditating. At least for me, I used to find my awareness drifting to my thoughts a lot.
Towards the end of the body scan / start of following the breath, try to see if there's any underlying mood there. Is my head feeling foggy, am I excited or nervous, happy or sad or neutral or whatever.
Sink into following the breath, count 1 on inhale, 2 on exhale, 3, 4 so on until 10 then start again. Usually do that for 10-20 minutes depending on how I'm feeling.
Throughout the process it's normal to get distracted or for the mind to drift away, but my understanding is the whole practice is about bringing it back to whatever step you were on and continuing.
Polz34@reddit
It happens on occasion but not all the time, normally it's when something stressful happened and I ask myself afterwards if I was too 'forceful' with how I addressed it, which of course I never am. Recently I was in a meeting which was very pressured and animated all round, I was asked something and I 'snapped back' the next day I spoke to the chair and said I apologise if it was a bit aggressive, and honestly he hadn't even thought about it! So I think sometimes we put it on ourselves when we just don't need to, we are all human and have our moments - as long as professional boundaries are crossed you will be okay!
bexiesaal@reddit
Yes… unfortunately in that situation right now as I was nearly made redundant (a lot of my team were) but had found a new job in the company which is 10x more stressful. High expectations, lack of communication from higher ups, put into a trial period (despite working at the company 2 years) etc etc. It’s ended up seeping into my dreams - woke up sweating this morning dreaming about being fired from 2 jobs and my dad being disappointed in me. Textbook and ridiculous haha
Heiditha@reddit
I work in retail. The only thing I think about when I'm not there is how quickly I can leave retail.
UniquePotato@reddit
I first read that as problems urinating at work.
I can happily switch off and not think about work.
Any_Preference_4147@reddit
Once I've clocked out, I've clocked out in all sense of the word. I can barely give enough of a fuck when I'm there. I'm not in management or a senior role so why should I? I do my job role and that's it, no more, no less.
Delicious-Series-316@reddit (OP)
Nor am but I find some managers can nitpick and keep you on edge at all times which is why this happens
Acrobatic-Prior-6156@reddit
Sounds like you don't have a healthy work environment. If you can't leave then try to have hobbies and such that will take your mind off work. Remember that you are only a cog in the wheel to your employer. Don't take it more seriously than you need to...it is only a means to an end. Work to live, not vice versa.
Any_Preference_4147@reddit
I know it's way easier said than done, but try not to give them that power over you. They're not important enough to you in your life to make you feel like that!
t-a-n-n-e-r-@reddit
I'm a web developer so I might ruminate on code problems in my spare headspace but beyond that, no. I used to go swimming a few times a week after work and there were a couple of times when the problem would just work itself out in my head as I went through the motions.
PsychologicalRise368@reddit
Yes, hard to turn off at times.
I've made a solid stuck by rule that I switch off work apps, do not look at emails, and my out of office says these are not monitored.
I also set up an auto rule on my mobile when swiched on and call i get gets an auto text message basically saying Im on holiday, piss off and wait.
This all helps, but its still impossible to not think about work entirely for me.
No_Cress3459@reddit
The key is to not work.
apeliott@reddit
Frequently. I'm fine with it.