Why piercing the child's ear seems to be such a big deal for american moms?
Posted by Single_Copy2460@reddit | AskAnAmerican | View on Reddit | 221 comments
I am from south america and my fiance is european and we were just talking about how we just dont get it. In both our countries children mostly get their ears pierced at the hospital when they were born and even if they dont, if they want to do it later is not a big deal.
Yet (at least in movies and shows) american moms seems to freak out about it. why?
Kephielo@reddit
Because getting ears pierced is optional, it's not a Medical need. Many of us in the US who are raising children right now, believe that they should have the right to make the decision if they want to alter their body or not. An infant can't make that decision, even a very young child can't, because they don't understand the permanency of it.
cacamilis1@reddit
Would you apply the same opinion to circumcision then? Do you agree with the concept of how it’s carried out in the US?
Kephielo@reddit
I'm not sure what you mean by "how it's carried out in the US." It's an optional procedure, not mandated. I don't agree with it, and I wouldn't do that to my children.
cacamilis1@reddit
I wasn’t assuming… I was asking your opinion as an American and I agree with you on both points….
What I mean by “how it’s carried out” is that, solely going by statistics the numbers are in the majority
Kephielo@reddit
Ahh, I thought you meant that it was deemed medically necessary or something.
The stats I just looked up show that it's declining, and it's right around the 50% mark. So I think more people are seeing it for what it actually is, an unnecessary cosmetic procedure.
94grampaw@reddit
Its less than half now.
Gold_Telephone_7192@reddit
Different cultures have different things that seem weird and normal. That's it.
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
But there is there any concern about it? Bc America has deep cultural conection to eastern europe and for them is pretty much normal to do it
Cryptographer_Alone@reddit
We're much more culturally connected to the UK, Germany, France, and other Western European countries than Eastern Europe.
Ear piercings are seen as body modifications, and something you should be old enough to choose for yourself when you're old enough to make that choice. The age of that choice varies wildly from family to family. Could be 6, could be 18. It's piercing the ears of babies and toddlers that we typically think is a bit much, especially with the risks of infection as hospitals and medical professionals are not the ones piercing in our country. But there are people who do pierce the ears of babies, especially in immigrant communities.
I would say it's very, very common and normal for women to have both their earlobes pierced. It's less common to have more piercings than that.
It was controversial when Millennials started doing multiple ear piercings and other facial piercings without being associated with a counter culture. But now we're all old enough to have kids of our own now, and it's no longer a huge deal to have a septum piercing or multiple ear piercings. But because my generation experimented so much, and learned exactly how badly piercings can go wrong, that we get really passionate about piercing safety and hygiene.
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
I meant west but english is not my first language so i struggle at expressing myself in it. I was specifically thinking in France (where my fiance is from) and Italy bc both had huge migration to US, but i know it is no big deal in some parts of germany as well and americans are also very conected to them.
I remember that movment and i must say that did impact culturally people around me (my mom gave up doing a tattoo with my grandma's name bc it just became a big deal culturally speaking). And yeah, i think your take makes very much sense
94grampaw@reddit
2-3 % of the US has French ancestry, not huge at all
And 4-5% for Italy so also not that big.
shelwood46@reddit
I also don't think Americans care that much about gender identifying babies. And those that do usually just slap a bow on a girl baby's head or dress them in pink (or blue for boys). We mostly don't feel the need to poke holes in a baby to make that clear (also infant jewelry is a choking hazard, we just went through this when those stupid amber necklaces got trendy).
thatsad_guy@reddit
we do?
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
I meant west europe, but english is not my first language. I was thinking in France, Italy and even south germany
Brave_Speaker_8336@reddit
The US does not have deep cultural connections to any of those countries
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
There was a huge migration from all of those to US, even more than british.
Anon-John-Silver@reddit
Not “more than the British”. A majority of white Americans can claim some ancestry from the UK area.
angrysquirrel777@reddit
But that was almost 100 years ago so a lot of things have changed
Critical_Opening_526@reddit
Owned by the Russians.
It checks out.
machagogo@reddit
No we do not as a whole. Western Europe is FAR more influential in all ways.
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
I meant west but english is not my first language so i struggle at it. I was specifically thinking in France (where my fiance is from) and Italy bc both had huge migration to US
WhatABeautifulMess@reddit
And many people from those places pierce ears as babies. but there's 300 million people here, different people do different things.
WhatABeautifulMess@reddit
Different parts of Euro have different traditions about it and people come from different cultures, sometimes even within the same family.
eugenesbluegenes@reddit
Why introduce risk of infection to your new baby for a cosmetic procedure?
InfravioletUltrared@reddit
Far less likely at a hospital
thatsad_guy@reddit
but why do it at all
InfravioletUltrared@reddit
That's other people's decision; I was addressing infection risk
HeyPurityItsMeAgain@reddit
It's not the baby's decision.
eugenesbluegenes@reddit
Even less likely if you don't pierce your newborn at all.
BjornAltenburg@reddit
Earrings in England did not gain traction among the aristocracy until like the mid to late 1600s, Shakespeare famously was an early adopter.
The people who settled America were mostly poor and underclass individuals, farmers and agriculture workers who didn't normally have or wear any jewelry. A large contingent of those sent here to the usa were also Puritans and religious outcasts who had strong notions of anti vanity and chastity in all things.
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
Makes a lot of sense
OldJames47@reddit
Why does Mexico make such a big deal about a girl’s 15th birthday while Jewish people celebrate 12th and 13th birthdays?
Different people have celebrations at different ages for growing up.
RogueSlytherin@reddit
Yes. The major concern is (primarily) two fold: infection and aesthetics. Piercing an infant’s ears can be difficult as infection can develop without the individual being able to communicate the problem. Furthermore, those tiny hands are literal germ factories for years. Even if they heal in infancy, there’s no guarantee that the filthy hands of a 3 or 4 year old child won’t be the cause of new infections. As far as aesthetics are concerned, earlobes can grow at different rates. There’s no guarantee that ears pieces evenly when very young won’t be askew once that individual reaches maturation. No part of our bodies is entirely symmetrical, and that extends to the earlobes. There’s every possibility that upon reaching adulthood, or even sooner, the ears will need to be replaced to account for growth.
Finally, the other risk is ripping the studs out. Babies have a reflex called the Palmer reflex, meaning an object placed in the center of the palm will cause the child to reflexively grasp the item with the strength of the Hulk. While it disappears at 5-6 months of age, it is still a danger for infants with pierced ears. That doesn’t mean the danger disappears after the 6 month mark, unfortunately. Many toddlers will grab and pull earrings, sometimes causing the lobe to tear or split from the strain.
Personally, as a “westerner”, my take on earrings is that a child shouldn’t be pierced until they can fully and knowingly consent. Prior to the age of 10, I had zero interest in piercing my ears. It wasn’t until I decided that I wanted someone to take a needle and jab it through my earlobe (along with demonstrating the capability of cleaning said points of contact) that I was allowed to be pierced. I feel similarly about procedures such as circumcision. It should be the individual whose body is being altered that makes the final call, not the parents or members of their community. I have a serious problem with adults deciding it’s okay to just alter a child’s body because it is what they, the adult, wants. From my perspective, that is unacceptable regardless of cultural or community standards.
ChameleonCoder117@reddit
What? I've geniunley never thought of eastern europe except for when playing CS:GO.
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
I meant west but english is not my first language so i struggle at it. I was specifically thinking in France (where my fiance is from) and Italy bc both had huge migration to US
Kaurifish@reddit
Some cultures do. My sister has caught a lot of grief from other moms in SoCal for not piercing her daughters’ ears, not dressing them exclusively in pink clothes, etc.
FantasticalRose@reddit
It's a body modification so it's not exactly taken lightly. They usually wait until the child is a young teen and understands. People also do not view children as needing to be wearing jewelry. So it's not viewed as something to be done to infants/ young children.
PJSeeds@reddit
Since when?
ThePurplePanda420@reddit
Recently it's been about body autonomy and the fact that babies can't give informed consent. I've seen some arguments going at far as to compare it to circumcision (not mine but I've seen them). It really boiling down to consent culture in the States which is pretty big right now cough release the entirety of the Epstein files cough.
PPKA2757@reddit
Maybe among Americans with Eastern European ancestry.
Some people have no issue with piercing the ears of their children, I’ve seen infants with their ears pierced. Other people don’t allow it.
As the commenter you replied to stated; different cultures have different views on what is weird and what is normal.
Oxcell404@reddit
There is a discussion that could be had about the relationship between body modification and western Christianity
Italian_Redneck@reddit
We still talking about tattoos and piercings or did we get darker real quick with the casual slicing and dicing of newborn penis?
xqueenfrostine@reddit
Sure, but lots of countries that are a part of Western Christianity are among those who pierce babies ears.
I don’t see this a Christianity issue, but about the very specific style of Christianity that took hold in the US, that is distinct from what’s dominant in Europe or Latin America. American Christianity was strongly shaped by people so into austere expressions of Christianity that they were chased out of their home countries after all.
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
Thats a really good take
Oxcell404@reddit
Yea that’s certainly true. I meant western in the way you said it and to separate it from the self-flagellating type of christianity
Sleepy_Coffee_Day@reddit
I'll turn this around, because I'm curious: if you're from a country where newborns often get their ears pierced at the hospital, why is that considered the norm? Here it's considered irresponsible to do it on a newborn, because it causes them pain just for aesthetics. But it could be argued that's similar to circumcision.
As for bigger kids, I think it's treated as a big deal because it's permanent, and associated with adulthood.
sweetEVILone@reddit
Ear piercings are not permanent
sluttypidge@reddit
They can leave permanent scarring if done incorrectly.
Aprils-Fool@reddit
Or just depending on how your body responds to it. Some people get permanent scars from well-done piercings.
moonwillow60606@reddit
Not at all true for everyone. I had double piercing in both ears and my second holes have never completely closed back up. And I have not worn earrings in those holes for decades
xqueenfrostine@reddit
That varies from person to person. Mine have never closed up, even when I went several years without earrings. The point is you don’t know that the skin will heal back in tact until after you’ve already made the hole, so why not at least wait until the kid decides they want piercings in the first place?
rebcl@reddit
They cause scars, so in that way they are
Ravenna178@reddit
Not having a circumcision increases the risk of several bad health conditions throughout the child's life. So circumcising a baby is not at all the same thing as piercing a baby's ears.
Mysterious_Luck4674@reddit
I agree. It’s one thing to let a kid/preteen/teenager/adult decide they want to go through that pain for aesthetic reasons. It seems very cruel to me to put a baby through that pain without their consent.
Prestigious-Dust-820@reddit
I’ve never heard of it as being considered irresponsible. Doctors do ear piercing on babies. Some people are just judgmental of how others parent and like to make themselves feel morally superior over something pretty inconsequential.
gummi-demilo@reddit
I was turning six and getting them done was HUGE for me. I felt so grown up.
nerdymom27@reddit
I got my first set at 10 and my top cartilage done at like 17. Thankfully both went well because they were mall piercings (we didn’t know better in the 90s). It was a big to do when I got them at 10. 17 I was just being an edgy teenager and I don’t even think my guardians even noticed I did it lol
hphantom06@reddit
It comes from the time where they didn't know babies could feel pain
Cinisajoy2@reddit
I think the entire hospital (1983) knew the second my son was circumcised. I did not approve but his dad signed the papers.
Danibear285@reddit
Reinforcing gender roles.
shelwood46@reddit
Let's be clear: just the girls.
Sleepy_Coffee_Day@reddit
Why does that matter?
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
I guess that doing it has been pretty common among rich europeans since the renassaince. Thats something that our elites used to look like europeans and later spread among general population (i had to search lol).
Culturally, when it would be proper for someone to decide?
letmesingyouawaltz_@reddit
I respect the cultural component here, but I think its easier to understand why a culture doesn't do something than it is to understand why they do something.
There is zero reason to pierce a baby's ears at birth, so that's why it isn't the norm in the US. Simple. Explaining why other cultures do this is more difficult
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
I agree and i wouldnt pierce a newborn (even tho i was pierced as a newborn). But I see no big deal in letting a 10y do it, I mean, they desire to do it would be reason enough. Why thats not the case for some americans?
HeyPurityItsMeAgain@reddit
Ten-year-olds can't make informed consent. Try 16.
letmesingyouawaltz_@reddit
Ah maybe things have changed since I was that age. I am early 40s now and my mom let me get my ears pierced when I was 10. It was completely normal in the 90s to get your ears pierced around like age 8-11 or so. By middle school nearly every girl (and a few guys) who wanted pierced ears had them
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
I mean, i never visited america and i met very few americans in my life, but what leads me to post this is bc I see that a lot on TV shows and I just saw and YT shorts of a sitcom where the mom cries bc her older daughter took the younger (around 10-11y) to do it. The younger tricked the older into thinking the parents had allowed it and the mom seems way more upset with the piercing than with the lies, i find it so hard to understand
letmesingyouawaltz_@reddit
Oh okay I see! American TV is going to play up the drama haha. This scenario probably has happened in real life, but it isn't the norm. I remember my mom was a little reluctant but my big sister helped me convince her.
Certain subcultures within the US can definitely be very conservative about any sort of body piercings. But again in terms of ear piercings I don't think its the norm.
I definitely grew up in a culture that was very weird about piercings on any body part except the ears. Tongue and other facial and belly button piercings were very popular when I was a teen but we all had to sneak around to get them done because our parents didn't approve. School dress codes also banned them so we had to hide them at school as best we could
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
Same! Even tho i got my ears pierced as a newborn my mom at some point when i was like 14 began checking my belly because a lot of girls in my town where sneaking to get their bellies pierced LOL
fenchurch_42@reddit
I'm 38 and agree with you. I was 11 when I had mine done (Claires!) and that was the norm in my friend group.
eugenesbluegenes@reddit
There isn't really a big deal around letting kids do it when they want to. There's a trope about parents, especially dads of little girls hating it, which basically comes down to difficulty coming to terms with their child growing up.
WoodyM654@reddit
My daughter was probably 7/8 and decided she wanted pierced ears. She knew it would hurt, and the responsibilities with keeping them clean. That seemed like a decent time for her. Varies kid to kid, but I think it should be up to the kid.
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
That will be the moment for my daughter as well (if i ever have one by the grace of God 🙏)
Meowmeowmeow31@reddit
When the kid is old enough to ask for it, to understand that it will hurt, and to be responsible enough to care for it. So it depends on the individual child.
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
That is what I pretend to do with my children
Bobtheee@reddit
When the child is old enough to make that decision. That will be different ages for different families.
Available_Kale3019@reddit
The latter half of that seems very ironic to me. Here, in the US, we have several kids that try to look 30 (heavy makeup, revealing clothing, etc). I can't see it mimicking adulthood to be the core issue.
out_ofher_head@reddit
I had my ears pierced as a very, very small child.I waited to pierce daughters ears until she wanted them pierced.
I suspect it has to do with consent and ease of care. At least that's what informed my decision.
Ravenna178@reddit
I think the main reason is that it can get infected. Especially since a child so young doesn't have the self control to not scratch and pull at their ears. But mom's are also probably against it because it causes the child pain. Most moms don't want their child to be in unnecessary pain, and they certainly don't want to be the cause of it.
pmonichols@reddit
Wearing earrings is something grown-ups do... so, that's why people are uncomfortable with doing this to babies, especially since it hurts.
JediLincoln14@reddit
What country is your fiance from? Because I don't think that's common in most of Europe.
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
He is french but lived most of his life between austria and italy (region of trent). According to him it is pretty common in france, italy and few regions of austria and germany. I know by my experience that is common in the iberic peninsula as well
Professional-Pungo@reddit
I think in most movies the mom usually freaks out because the kid did it without telling the parents, which would shock most parents.
it's not a huge deal really, although lately there has been people talking about piercing guns being bad versus just a manual hollow needle to pierce
elunabee@reddit
I mean I would say the method is pretty important. I got the Claire's Special from the mall in the early 2000s and my left ear definitely got infected. I ended up repiercing it myself about a decade later because it kept closing over after the infection.
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
Thats true for most of them, but there also some where the problem seems to really be to pierce itself. I was just watching an YT shorts of a TV show scene where the younger sister (10-11y) lies to the older (17-18y) to get her ears pierced (she says the parents let her do it) and the mom just get so angry and then starts crying when she finds out... But because of the pierce itself and not bc of the lies, that is way worse imo
Mind_Reflected09@reddit
It might have just been a story about an overly strict parent and the teen who wants to be more independent.
allieggs@reddit
Also - a lot of times, older kids are doing the piercings themselves with sharp objects of their choice, instead of going to a professional who knows what they’re doing to get it done. But these are also usually additional piercings instead of the single earlobe one that a parent normally wouldn’t complain about.
But I am also the odd one out as an adult woman without even the single earlobe piercing. I didn’t get it done when I was younger, and I just never felt an inclination to wear earrings (or jewelry in general besides my wedding ring). It doesn’t come up often either, and only gets that way when people try to give me earrings as gifts.
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
In that movie Parents Trap there is a scene where one of the girls got her ears pierced at the Summer Camp in a very risk way btw, as a child i wondered how it didnt get infected
GreenBeanTM@reddit
If you look closely there’s actually a moment where her ears are red and she touches them and it hurts
breebop83@reddit
Or (for tv and movies) a family member other than mom takes kid without checking first. In those instances the mom may be freaked about the piercing itself or may have viewed it as something she wanted to be included in.
Openly_Unknown7858@reddit
You have children's ears pierced as babies? That seems weird to me.
Sco_Queen@reddit
I'm American. Most of the women I know personally got their ears pierced when they were a baby or small child. All these comments are so weird to me. I only know of men getting their ears pierced when they were grown/ older.
elunabee@reddit
I'm American but did not grow up in a place where it wasn't typical, at least in the 90s, I think I was in college before I started noticing baby girls with pierced ears. I was in the 7th grade when I got my ears pierced after years of asking and my mother, who was 49 at the time, also got hers done. Most of the girls I knew who had them pierced did so in jr. high. I personally would not pierce my infant's ears, but it's also not my cultural norm, so who am I to judge.
gummi-demilo@reddit
I’m American, grew up in a largely Hispanic state and saw it everywhere, and I still think it’s stupid, but any white person saying so inevitably culminates in accusations of racism
fenchurch_42@reddit
Super common in some cultures. The idea being that they won't remember the pain.
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
Yep, in all latin america (i believe) and according to my fiance that is something you can do in France as well
Pitiful_Lion7082@reddit
The freaking out is usually due to a family member taking the cups without the consent to do body modification. That's a huge violation of trust. They would never be alone with my child again. If parents want to do it, that's a totally different thing, it's not really a big deal. I liked waiting until I was a teen and treating it as a rite of passage. I'll be doing the same for my own daughters.
jennafleur_@reddit
Idk, I grew up in the South and I had my ears pierced when I was a baby. My mom and I got a second piercing when I got older. Like, just in the ear.
Alycion@reddit
I’ve only known a few people who had parents freak out over it. Both me and my sister had ours done young. I just let it heal over bc it wasn’t my thing after a bit. Redid it as a teen. Lasted 3 months. My niece had hers done at 3.
Where I grew up, it was done if we wanted it. A few of the stricter households had the 18 rule. Never understood it.
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
Yeah, i never went to US but I just saw an YT shorts of a show where the mom cries bc her daughter (around 10-11y) pierced her ears with her big sister and it got me so confused. But i guess it might be TV shows exagerating
CinemaSideBySides@reddit
I mean, context matters a LOT. Crying is a big weird reaction, but what was the reasons she was crying?
Was she a religious nutjob who thinks her daughter defiled her body?
Or was she excited to take her daughter to get her ears pierced as a rite of passage type thing and sad that she missed a bonding experience?
Or was she upset because the older daughter pierced younger daughter's ears herself with dirty equipment?
Like, there's a lot of different reasons for a reaction.
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
In the context of the sitcom it seems that the younger tricked the older into thinking that their parents had allowed. It think it would be pretty normal for a parent to be sad and disapointed while seeing 10y creating such lies, but to my surprise that wasnt even adressed as the reason for her sadness. She was crying only because now the ears of the younger one had little holes and i found that a little nuts
Alycion@reddit
Some areas are more conservative with things like that. And some households were. The ones that didn’t like it would react like that. Still remember screaming from a block behind us of I didn’t raise you like this when the 16yo had hers done. You’d have thought she murdered someone.
MangaMaven@reddit
I think TV shows try to play it as mom's trying to prevent their kids from trying to grow up too fast, but I've never seen it in real life.
My only concern would be letting the kid get their ears pierced at an age where they're both responsible for their own higene and not on top of their hygiene enough to prevent infections.
CinemaSideBySides@reddit
And at an age where they can ask for them.
As a woman who has never been into jewelry, I'm really really glad my parents never pierced my ears. They took my sister when she was old enough to ask, but I never wanted them and never got them done.
shelwood46@reddit
Eh, my mom wouldn't let me get my ears pierced until I was 18 (I am female). So I waited, then I did, and it turns out I have a collagen disorder that makes them close up very easily. I ended up getting them pierced three times in that decade from 18-28 then gave up. Turns out mom was right, damn her.
allieggs@reddit
As a middle school teacher, I’ve seen a worrying number of students with piercings that they gave themselves with a sharp object of their choice. I’ve literally seen someone go to the bathroom and come back with additional ones.
rawbface@reddit
That's horrible. A person should have the autonomy to decide where and when they get pierced. You're performing body modification to an infant without their understanding or consent. We value those things here.
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
But culturally speaking, for you when the person will be able to decide? 10? 16? 18? Its a genuine question
rawbface@reddit
My wife had her ears pierced as baby, by her aunt. Her mom was furious, because she didn't want it done. To this day, the holes are too low and my wife never wears earrings as a result.
But I'm not trying to gatekeep earrings. We decided as parents that we'd let them get their ears pierced as soon as they asked us. So far they haven't asked for it.
There's nothing wrong with having your ears pierced. It's about self-agency.
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
I agree. Even tho i was pierced as a baby I intend to take my future children to do it if they want and if they have the responsability to take care of it so it dont get infected. If they check those criteria at 8, at 8 will be. If they only do it at 14, at 14 Will be
TheBimpo@reddit
What about all the media in which moms don't discuss this at all?
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
Yeah, thats the majority. I was wondering bc i saw a yt shorts with a scene from a tv show that the mom go into tears because her 10-11y daughter got her ears pierced. According to some redditor above that is not actually something that would happen irl but an exageration (like the kid could be grounded for not obbeying but parents wouldnt be crying)
WhatABeautifulMess@reddit
The culture varies a lot even within the US. My mom was the only person in her school growing up without them because she went to Catholic school in Italian neighborhood so most girls had it done as babies but my Gran was a war bride from England who never had hers done so she made here save up herself and get them done when she was about 10. This was Philly in the 60s/70s.
mustang6172@reddit
I dunno but I just learned that South America and Europe are seriously fucked up.
cacamilis1@reddit
While I don’t agree with piercing a newborns ears at all - up until recently, I was also not aware of how common circumcision is in the US, nor how young it is carried out at….
Really, calling ear piercing bad while being ok with this other practice is a little messed up
mustang6172@reddit
The purpose of ear piercing is to make someone more attractive. I'm sorry I can't connect more dots for you right now. I can't afford to get a site-wide ban for sexualizing minors.
cacamilis1@reddit
I just clearly stated that I don’t agree with ear piercing in children…. In case you missed that part… I never have, and never will agree with it…
So aside from this, please connect the dots for me in relation to your opinion on the other matter?
mustang6172@reddit
I don't feel anything is right or wrong about it. I don't care about boys.
GreenBeanTM@reddit
Why are you assuming the person you’re talking to is ok with circumcision?
disheavel@reddit
Yeah, I mean I knew this was more common but to defend it like non-piercers are weird is a strange pulpit. If I see a baby with pierced ears, I think "that poor kid with trashy parents".
holytriplem@reddit
I think it's more a Southern/Eastern European thing. In the UK it's considered a bit trashy.
RavenclawGirl2005@reddit
Both me and my sister had our ears pierced as babies. I think it's just dramatized for movies and television shows.
terryjuicelawson@reddit
For me it mostly seems wrong having a baby crawling and squirming around still soiling themself with a sharp object in their ear and it looks super, super trashy. When they are older it is fine as long as they are happy with it. I only think there is freaking out if say a young kid came home with a nose ring or something without discussion as it is seen as a rebellious move.
polydactyl6@reddit
I think most of find the idea of piercing babies’ ears really wrong since the baby can’t give any input.
I (and I expect a majority of US) don’t really see an issue after age 6-8 or so, when there’s at least some input from the kid.
But the Southern Baptist side of my family would lose their minds over anyone <16 getting their ears pierced — I think because they have it in their head that it’s a sexual thing? A big proportion of the U.S. is evangelical and will have (compared to the rest of the world) peculiar religious beliefs.
SirCharlito44@reddit
My wife is from South America and we have completely different views. She doesn’t mind girls having earrings, but she refuses to let our son pierce his.
Danibear285@reddit
It’s a gender role reinforcement
pacifyproblems@reddit
Some USA families pierce their babies' ears, but it is a controversial practice as it violates bodily autonomy for cosmetic purposes. Don't you feel freaked out about circumcision, something USA families often practice?
I'm against both on the same principal.
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
I used to see no problem in circunsisation especially if done by religious reasons, but then i found out there are many cases of infection and that may cause the baby to suffer a lot. Guess the same argument may go for the ear pierces. You gave me something to think about it
Danibear285@reddit
☕️
gummi-demilo@reddit
I didn’t think much about it until my nephew was circumcised. I’m firmly against it
Danibear285@reddit
Hispanic immigrants are more known for it imo
Bluemonogi@reddit
This varies by the background of the family and their traditions. I know some people who did infant ear piercing and others who felt the need to wait until their child was older. For some getting ears pierced is a rite of passage.
In my family my grandmother born in 1915 did not have pierced ears and neither did my mom born in 1942. They wore clip on earrings. I was 8 years old and my sister was 12 when we got our ears pierced at a shopping mall. My mom did not freak out about it. I’d say at that time young kids did not commonly have pierced ears in our area. For my daughter it was important to me that it be her choice so I waited until she was old enough to choose and asked what she wanted to do. She opted not to have it done. I never wear earrings as an adult so didn’t consider it that important but if she wanted it then it was an option.
No-Diet-4797@reddit
Why poke holes in a brand new, perfect little baby? Plus, I don't know if its just me but hearing my baby cry in pain rips my heart out. I'd never do anything to hurt my baby, especially for aesthetic purposes.
HeyPurityItsMeAgain@reddit
People have strong beliefs about doing things to children like piercing them or circumcising them. They can't make that choice. I'm against piecing babies. They can get their ears pierced if they choose to as a teenager.
Acrobatic-Key-127@reddit
Piercing and circumcision, two things I won’t, and haven’t, done to my children without their consent. I am the guardian of their bodily safety until adulthood. They are the owner of that body their whole lives. Not my choice to make.
Cinisajoy2@reddit
On those two things, make sure the other parent shares your ideas.
Cinisajoy2@reddit
I have never seen moms freak out here. They either get their kids ears pierced or they don't. You do see more Latin infant girls with pierced ears than other ethnic groups.
evilr2@reddit
Most Americans circumcise their baby boys without much questions asked so I'm not sure why there's an assumption that ear piercing is a big deal.
These-Ad5332@reddit
In my family it was a religious thing. I was the first in my family to get my little girls ears pierced before she was 16 and the majority of the family lost their minds.
min_mus@reddit
Which religion?
These-Ad5332@reddit
Mormon.
min_mus@reddit
There's a minimum age for getting your ears pierced in Mormonism??
These-Ad5332@reddit
In the 90s and I want to say early 2000s it as taught that your body is temple so piercings and tattoos were considered taboo by those who were "othodox'. Many women had clip ons and later there was a change to "allow" one set of holes for women.
It came down to individual families making a choice of when that happened but because of the culture it was common for a lot of girls in "orthodox" families to be allowed to get piercings around the time they were allowed to wear makeup which is dating age (16).
The unspoken rules and expectations have shifted now but my experience was it being taboo until 16 and even then the girls who chose not to were treated like they were making the better choice.
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
Oh i would never guess! I follow some lds influencers and most of the children seems to have the ears pierced, but i guess that is probably because that families may not be so orthodox / active in the religion
These-Ad5332@reddit
That or just that expectations have changed. Which is great for the people in that faith now.
Outlaw_Josie_Snails@reddit
Different cultures and beliefs in the US.
In the US, some moms will pierce their children's ears at a very young age (babies).
Other moms prefer to wait until they are 10, 11, or 12 years old. Many parents feel that because ear piercing is a permanent (or semi-permanent) physical alteration, the child should be old enough to decide if they actually want it (bodily autonomy)
In Latin American, Indian, and some Mediterranean communities in the US, ear piercing is a traditional rite of passage that happens shortly after birth.
pfmason@reddit
It’s mostly seen as low class to pierce your daughter as a baby and a right of passage for preteen girls to get their ears pierced.
Final_Surround9495@reddit
Because your children/baby/infant can’t consent to having their ears pierced. You are literally punching a hole into their body (twice) for no reason aside from “hey this kid needs some decorations”
No-Ferret6785@reddit
This is my take too. My husband and I discussed this before our daughter was born - we both agreed her body, her choice. We let her know when she was 10 that she could if/when she wanted to. At 13, she still has zero interest.
PiLamdOd@reddit
Because permanent cosmetic body modifications are viewed as an individual choice and a huge deal.
Piercings are treated like socially acceptable tattoos. The choice should not be taken lightly, and should not be made for someone else.
Single_Copy2460@reddit (OP)
But they are only permanent if you want them to (i had to pierce my ears again after the pandemics for example bc i wasnt wearing jewlery at that time).
I get the idea of letting the person decide if they want to do it or not, but when that can happen? At least on TV shows american parents seems to freak out if like a 15y old girl decides to do it
OneNerdyLesbian@reddit
I had my ears pierced when I was six. I haven't worn earrings in probably twenty years. The holes I have closed. I wouldn't be able to get earrings through them anymore, but the holes are also still visible. You can see where they are.
xqueenfrostine@reddit
That’s not true for everyone. I’ve had my ears pierce since I was 8 and I’m in my 40s now. My ear piercings have never closed up, even when I’ve gone several years without wearing earrings.
PiLamdOd@reddit
Society frowns on letting children undertake permanent body altering decisions. So allowing a child to make that choice is often the first time a parent is allowing their child to have the autonomy to make a life altering decision.
MrLongWalk@reddit
It isn’t
fenchurch_42@reddit
Is it not? I got mine pierced at 11 and I remember that it was sort of a rite of passage to do it at that age. I had to convince my mom. BUt that was in \~1997-ish so maybe it's different now.
Real-Broccoli-9325@reddit
I got my first ear holes at 11 too! 2001, I was tired of wearing stick-ons, and clip-ons hurt if you wore them too long. Now I’ve got two in each ear and only wear the same two pairs of huggies because fuck studs poking me and fuck changing my earrings all the time. Also, had to buy palladium and titanium because I’m violently allergic to nickel, so anything plated would drive me to the hospital.
fenchurch_42@reddit
Oh my goodness I had forgotten about stick ons until I read your comment! I got my ears re-pierced a few years back (34?) and wear huggies exclusively. I'm also allergic to a lot of metals :(.
Real-Broccoli-9325@reddit
Ahhh brethren. Allergic and lazy (about poky earring at least lol)
fenchurch_42@reddit
I can still feel the poking behind my ears if I think too much about it!
Thank goodness for actual gold huggies.
Chemical-Mix-6206@reddit
They do it to a newborn? But their earlobes are so tiny! That seems very odd to me. I always thought of ear piercing as a rite of passage for girls entering middle school once they were responsible enough to clean the piercing and turn the posts & whatnot.
pxystx89@reddit
My mom didn’t want to make the decision for us, because “what if they don’t want to have pierced ears?”
It wasn’t really a big deal for anyone I know. There was no rule in our family about how old, it was just whenever we asked. I think my sister was 10 when she got her ears pierced, and I was 11 or 12. My sister is doing the same with her kids. The eldest is 8 and is still not interested.
I will say that my mom and her sister pierced their own ears in the 1960s and their mom was pretty upset. But mostly bc they did it themselves and that was irresponsible lol
So it was never really a big deal but more of a rite of passage if we were interested
Top-Web3806@reddit
Lots of American follow this practice. Lots don’t. My ears were pieced at two weeks old.
funktion666@reddit
It’s seen as kind of “tacky” and like you’re dressing up your kid more than you need to.
And there is a difference between piercing a baby’s ear and a young child’s ear. Obviously a young child is more accountable. But it’s common for Americans to wait until their child is of a certain age where they can consent to this body modification.
This is not my personal belief. I’ve just been in the middle of this debate before.
There are also safety concerns, but there are plenty of places with nurse practitioners or with doctors who will do the piercing. But the risk of infection or unnecessary pain is commonly brought up for those who don’t use a medical office to pierce child ears.
Claire’s is a common place in US for child/young adult piercing. And they use a piercing gun, which is one of the least effective ways to pierce an ear. They are considered not sharp enough, but are somehow legal. So it can be considered “trashy” and hurtful to take your kid to the mall to get their ear pierced by a piercing gun from a 17 year old girl vs scheduling an appointment somewhere where a medical professional can use a super sharp sterile medical needle to pierce the child’s ear(s).
And then there may be a racist component too. Babies or very young girls with ear piercings are common in Latino or southern American cultures. They just aren’t as common in US culture. But obviously we have a ton of Latino and South American people here. So some people might be against it because it’s more related to different cultures or even races.
It is also a bit more popular with black American culture too.
There’s also this old timey idea that piercings are “ugly” or “ruin your perfect face” or whatever. Many of us still have grandmothers with this ideology. It’s a sign to them as being a rebel or deviant. Even just plain ear piercings on an adult.
However, that ideology is fading out as most adult women in the US seem to have their ears pieced. But it does still exist for some people.
And then there’s the whole thing about consent. There’s an argument about when a person is old enough to consent to permanent or semi-permanent body modifications. Supposedly Many people grow up not wanting the piercings forced on their body. And why put a baby or child thru pain that they don’t understand? Why not wait until the child has grown to a certain age where they can understand the impact of the body modification, the risks and choose for themselves, knowing the potential pain the process can cause.
Also, reality tv is hella fake and sounds like maybe you’re watching some super conservative.. maybe even Salt Lake City type folks on your tv lol. The US is diverse. Most people don’t care at all. Many people may have opinions. But what you see on tv is likely over exaggerated. If it’s scripted tv, then likely they are trying to show how conservative or old school those people are.
Regardless, my SO and I are not children anymore lol. And none of us got piercings as a child. But my bf has 6 face piercings (lip, nose, eyebrows) and about 4 ear piercing right now. And I love them! I have zero piercings and also a guy. My grandmas would both probably freak out over at least 3 things in this last paragraph lol.
lowtdi850@reddit
My daughter got her ears pierced as a small child at the pediatricians office
Lexi2869@reddit
My grandmother (ww2 gen) wore clip ons and often did not have their ear pierced this was very big in that generation. She’d often talk about it as hurting the body given to her by god etc.. I think this made ear piercing a tiny bit rebellious for Boomer youths. US media has definitely latched on to the idea. It’s also a relatively safe form of rebellion to include in media. Parents would flip at drugs/sex. Ear piercing without a parent’s permission is almost a safe approved stand in for that.
TLDR: It’s been getting less rebellious/controversial, but still pops up in media aimed at kids/families.
Most people don’t care, and it can even be seen as cool amongst peers.
InvestigatorJaded261@reddit
For many Americans, everything gendered is also sexualized. Piercing a baby’s ears seems like having them wear lipstick or mascara—not wrong universally, but just wrong for a baby.
MysteriousDelay722@reddit
My wife is latina and she would've done our daughter's ears when they were babies. Two things. 1) I like that it's something for young girls to look forward to (we said seven for our girls and they really felt big when it happened) and 2) I could be wrong here but it seems smarter when the ear is a bit more developed so you're on target, my wife had problems with that.
Anon-John-Silver@reddit
Christianity. Puritanism, more specifically. The idea that adorning your body is either vain and ungodly OR only appropriate once you become a woman and are then allowed to do it to make yourself more appealing to men. I imagine that’s how it started, anyway.
Glow_Ebb_@reddit
Its a cultural. Indians in India are very big on piercing their baby's ears too.
Sco_Queen@reddit
Most of the women ik got their ears pierced when they were a baby or small child. I'm thankful my ears were pierced when I was a baby and I stopped wearing earrings in middle school. I just started back last year. The only time I think parents get upset is when the child is getting their bellybutton, nose or something else pierced, another hole in their ear. I don't think it's a big deal at all for the baby to get their ears pierced.
Visual_Magician_7009@reddit
I don’t know any moms when I was young or now who freaked out about getting their kids wanting to get their ears pierced.
Springlette13@reddit
My parents wouldn’t let me get my ears pierced until I was old enough to take care of them. I think I got them done around my 12th birthday.
I was very jealous of the other girls who could wear earrings before me, but looking back as an adult I agree with my parents. I don’t think we should be permanently altering babies’ bodies for cosmetic reasons when they can’t consent. And it was smart to make my sister and I wait until we were old enough to be active participants in the care of our new piercings. I realize other cultures have different norms and I’m not going to judge them, but I’d do the same as my parents if I had kids.
Genepoolperfect@reddit
I scrolled through a bunch of answers and didn't find:
the hospital will charge you an obscene amount of money when you can just bring your kid to a jewelry store in the mall or a tattoo/piercing parlor & they'll do it for $50.
CleverCat57@reddit
Piercing your baby's ears takes away the opportunity for them to make that choice themselves one day
SirTheRealist@reddit
Women in my family had their ears pierced when they were very young. I remember as a kid I used to think girls were born with holes in their ears lol. Even recently, my 4 year old neice had her ears pierced. I don't think this is as big a deal for Americans as you are trying to make it seem
noviceartificer@reddit
For us it’s a consent thing she can’t consent to it till she’s older. But when she’s able to understand and wants it done we don’t have a problem having a professional piercer do it for her.
FA-100@reddit
A lot of people do pierce their children's ears in the US (it's pretty normal for girls to get them before the age of 12 or so) and some people do it to their infants. It's not illegal or anything.
The backlash is primarily against having infant's ears pierced, and it's because you're making a painful permanent change to your child's body for aesthetic reasons, and they're too young to even understand what's happening, let alone agree to it.
I really hate the practice, personally. It just seems super icky to me to poke a hole in your baby so you can put jewelry through it. Frankly I think it's bizarre that this is even legal, and so common in some countries. I think it's weird that it's usually only done to baby girls, I think it's weird to assume that they'll absolutely want that piercing when they're older, and it's weird to violate your kid's bodily autonomy just to save them a few months of optional discomfort down the line.
So... from my perspective, the real question is "Why DON'T more cultures have an issue with this?"
humsterdaddy@reddit
I think it differs within the US as well. I got my ears pierced as a baby and I see babies occasionally with pierced ears. As a baby with pierced ears who is now an adult, they are crooked now. Personally I would wait for my own children (if I had them) just to avoid their piercings going all lopsided as they grow. I don’t know if that’s a common issue but I am a bit self-conscious of it.
Real-Broccoli-9325@reddit
I worked at a mall where there was an ear piercing place just in front of my store. I saw so many babies getting pierced. By MALL EMPLOYEES. So much screaming and crying. For what? To look older? To be decorative? To be a status symbol because your infant is wearing diamonds and itty bitty Nikes?
My earrings, I got at eleven and they were done by a 19 year old with a piercing gun, and they are fucking crooked. Second set were at 22 at a piercing studio. Couldn’t fix the first set, but the second holes are even.
PJSeeds@reddit
Because you're forcing a painful body modification on an infant purely for aesthetic reasons, and those aesthetics are intended to make them look like a tiny adult. It's incredibly trashy.
Sleepy-Blonde@reddit
Mine were pierced as a baby. That was the norm. When older cousins who didn’t have them pierced wanted piercings they’d mess with them and it was much more difficult. Typically had to be redone a few times/
reyadeyat@reddit
My father lost his mind when I decided to get a cartilage piercing when I was nineteen (I was the first child to get any piercing). He's just a very nerdy doctor who felt that a) it was an unnecessary procedure with a small risk of complications, b) that I might have decided to do it because of some unhealthy female beauty standard, and c) that I might regret it but end up with a scar.
He meditated on it for a few weeks and then told my little sister that she was allowed to get lobe piercings now. My mom thought the entire thing was very funny because she didn't care at all.
Sharp_Anything_5474@reddit
I'm American. My mom had my ears pierced when I was 3 months old and then she took me on to a crummy shop (claires) when I was 10 and got a second at of piercings done. Same thing worth my sister. All the females I know it's similar. It was never a big deal. It only seemed to be a big deal in movies. The rebellious teen thing in movies.
OkDecision1612@reddit
There’s also risk of infection. Why add that risk to a newborn?
TheDuckFarm@reddit
It’s often considered a milestone in aging and maturing process. For those people it’s not just a procedure but also a very emotional moment, like an important birthday, graduating school, etc.
steviehatillo@reddit
My ears were pierced as a baby, and my parents are pretty typical Christian Americans with European ancestry. I think it’s more of the current generation of parents who object to piercing a baby’s ears, and it comes down to bodily autonomy.
iowanaquarist@reddit
Child abuse is frowned on in America.
SendHelp9417@reddit
I’m American and my parents got my ears pierced as a baby at the doctor’s office. It’s standard in my family and common in my hometown, where the majority of us have fairly recent Italian familial ties. I believe it’s also common with Hispanic families, but I could certainly be incorrect about that.
As an adult, I don’t care that my parents pierced my ears as a baby. I have 8 holes in total now. But I cannot fathom ever piercing an infant’s ears if I were to have a child. It serves no purpose other than cosmetic and vanity. Very bizarre to me
Free-Sherbet2206@reddit
What is the purpose behind it? Why does a baby need jewelry?
OkDecision1612@reddit
The acupuncture/acupressure point where you get your ears pierced is the BRAIN. I know it’s kind of an oddball thing to some to worry about that but I won’t be poking any holes in that spot. If my kids want to do that they can do it when they are older.
deannainwa@reddit
I wasn't allowed to get mine pierced until I was 14 and could care for them myself. No shaving my legs until my mom said so either, plus no cosmetics until high school.
Maybe she just didn't want me to grow up too fast?
thatsad_guy@reddit
some people think that any form of body modification should be the choice of the person getting it.
CommandAlternative10@reddit
I wouldn’t say American moms freak out about ear piercing, but it is seen as a milestone event in a young person’s life. The kid is supposed to make the decision for themselves, and deciding they are old enough to make such an important decision is a big deal. We think parents piercing babies’ ears is sort of weird because it violates the kid’s autonomy. (Plenty of Hispanic families do pierce babies ears in the U.S. and its accepted as cultural difference.) How is bay circumcision okay? That’s seen more as hygienic and medically necessary, not individual expression. It’s also less and less popular.
C21H27Cl3N2O3@reddit
A lot of people pierce their babies’ ears. More and more it’s looked on negatively, because it’s pointless, and causes unnecessary pain. If they want to get their ears pierced when they are old enough to understand and ask for it, that’s perfectly reasonable.
triskelizard@reddit
The only people I know who are piercing their infants’ ears are first generation immigrants. It’s not common for kids where I live to have pierced ears any earlier than middle school and many of the high school kids I know don’t have them.
Classic-Push1323@reddit
Some American families do piece their daughter's ears as a baby. For the families that wait, it becomes a bit of a rite of passage. Mom's "freak out" because their little girl is growing up, that's all. They usually wait until their daughter is considered responsible enough sit still for it and keep them clean while they heal. Some families let their daughter do it under 10, others wait until 12 or (very rarely) 16.
eugenesbluegenes@reddit
Why would it be considered normal to make cosmetic piercings of a baby?
colincita@reddit
It’s less common in the US than in South America to pierce babies’ ears. I think the main reason is that parents want it to be the child’s choice if they want to get their ears pierced or not, instead of deciding for them. It’s seen as a “bigger deal” because the child is considered old enough and responsible to make that choice for themselves.
Take this answer with a grain of salt; it’s a huge country with a lot of different viewpoints.
sluttypidge@reddit
I mean the ear can change a lot through your whole life. It is considered to allow more even holes later in life by waiting. You also avoid people using piercing guns which have a higher infection and cross contamination rate as piercing guns cannot be adequately sterilized.
It's not uncommon for people to get it done to their babies however. Both my cousins got their girls pierced as babies. My parents waited until my sister and I were 10 and let us choose.
The big thing about it comes from others not respecting the wishes of the parents and going behind their backs.
Rockfell3351@reddit
By and large, we don't agree with putting our babies through unnecessary pain and infection risk, and forcing body modifications without their consent. We generally wait for them to be old enough to understand the choice (including pain, risks, and aftercare), actually voice desire for pierced ears, and be responsible enough to take care of them in the months afterwards. Also, lots of kids get their ears pierced by teenagers working at the mall who only have bare-minimun training on the piercing gun, so infections are a much higher possibility than if it is done by a medical professional, which is unheard of here in the US.
Calm_Criticism1958@reddit
In my experience it seems to be more the dads that don't want their girls getting their ears pierced. For me it's about bodily autonomy. A baby cannot consent, and a piercing is not something that is necessary for their health or well being. So I did not have any of my baby's ears pierced. But as they grew older I would allow it if they asked and could prove they were responsible enough to take care of them. Only my youngest ever got his ears pierced. He was almost 7.
Raddatatta@reddit
It depends in terms of what's done. It's not unusual for a baby to get them pierced. But for me I think a person should have full bodily autonomy to any changes made to their body. And until they can make that decision for themselves I wouldn't want to modify them and that includes circumcision or ear piercings or anything else permanent and cosmetic.
PinchedTazerZ0@reddit
It's just the poking of a newborns ears that people find weird. My home country does tattoos as a child but thats kinda weird too if I think about it too long
People just do shit differently basically. Try not to overthink difference in culture
Bethany0821@reddit
My mom was born in Portugal in the 60s and left the hospital with her ears pierced. She took me to get mine pierced at my pediatricians office when I was under a year old and my paternal grandmother FREAKED. When my sister got my niece's done at a year old, my gram brought it up again, she still wasnt over it 35 years later 🤣 such a bizarre hill to die on IMO
WritPositWrit@reddit
I dont know any American moms who freaked out about it
Berezis@reddit
It’s mixed here. I got my ears pierced at 3 months and my English boyfriend thinks it’s odd.
OK_Stop_Already@reddit
I know lots of people who got their ears pierced when they were babies.
Never in a hospital, though that seems weird.
And there's just as many people who got their ears pierced when they were teens or older. it just depends on the person. There's not really any "all americans do this or that". We are an immigrant nation, and thus different cultures are going to mix and mingle here.
Careful_Reporter8814@reddit
It’s not (at least in my experience living in various places on the east coast). Lots of small children get their ears pierced here. In movies I believe it’s more of a representation of the challenges of adolescence and young people asserting their independence. It’s a way to show that the kids are growing up and perhaps being a bit “rebellious”.
RosePricksFan@reddit
I don’t think it’s a big deal or that moms freak out. Get your child’s ear pierced whenever you want or don’t if you don’t want to. In the United States we have hundreds of subcultures within our country. Plenty of people pierce baby’s ears, which is totally fine. Plenty of people pierce their child’s ears when they are an older child or teen and others wait until adulthood or not at all. It’s fine whatever you choose
21stCenturyJanes@reddit
Don’t believe everything you see in the movies
Ravenclaw79@reddit
I mean, you’re putting unnecessary holes in your child’s body. I certainly wouldn’t do that to someone without giving them any say in the matter.
ketamineburner@reddit
I am American, my ears were pierced as an infant. Completely normal.
HeavyDoughnut8789@reddit
Same. I was 6 weeks old.
aaronhayes26@reddit
My parents could have saved me a lot of trouble by getting my industrial when I was an infant lol
DharmaCub@reddit
Piercing a newborns ear sounds insane.
ahopefulsea@reddit
bodily autonomy
Add_Poll_Option@reddit
If the kid wants it I don’t think it’s a big deal, but putting your child through pain for an aesthetic choice without their consent is wack.
Many-Rub-6151@reddit
How are all South Americans able to do tricks with a soccer ball?