ULPT My grandpa is being terrorized by his new neighbor, what can I do?
Posted by Commercial-Entry-216@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 76 comments
I’m mildly infuriated. My grandpa (old, extremely kind, beat bad cancer who knows how many times, outgoing to be helpful, etc. overall great man, though I’m somewhat biased) is being terrorized by his new neighbor. For the past year the new neighbor, let’s call him Dick, has been reporting other neighbors for petty stuff (grass length, etc.). His other next door neighbor was taken to civil court by Dick and had to pay something like $2k in fines because of something having to do with in ground pool placement? It’s mostly old people living there, Dick is in his late 40s. Dick moved in and immediately called the police on my grandpa because my grandpas pool was “causing frogs to get into Dick’s pool.” My grandpa immediately cleaned it and treated it before a couple weeks later when cops showed up again with an impending $8k fine. My grandpa can’t afford that, so he drained the pool and “made it inoperable” according to state or county policy. I don’t know the details. My grandpa was stressed by it. Another neighbor, from across the street showed him video from a ring doorbell of the neighbor walking through gates of various other neighbors, and coming out minutes later with filled bottles of water. She told my grandpa it looked like he was “taking samples” beyond the obvious trespassing he was doing. That was six months ago or so. Dick moved on to terrorize other neighbors and my grandpa has just heard the stories from them. Last weekend my grandpas pool returned to his house to see rusty barbwire lining his property for about ten feet. It was wrapped around trees and stumps, maybe two to three feet off the ground. This upset him because his toddler visits his house almost daily and could be seriously injured by said barbed wire. He called the county to ask what he can do. Obviously the county said nothing because that’s what county offices say. They’ve gotten enough complaints about this guy and I guess just don’t try anything anymore. The guy works at the DHS allegedly, so who knows if that has anything to do with how he can get cops and others can’t, but I’m not gonna speculate on that unfairly. My grandad has told me countless other things this guy has done but it makes me so angry I tune most of it out.
All that to say, my exasperated grandad feels helpless in the house he’s lived in for thirty five years, and so do his elderly neighbors. Hearing this, I’m infuriated. Making this guys life hell would be the way I’d like this story to end, but unfortunately there’s only so many legal ways to do that, and litigation hasn’t seemed to work for other neighbors.
My cousins talked about littering his yard with dead fish, dumping tadpole eggs (the guy seems to consistently be complaining about frogs) in his pool, etc. all of these can technically be illegal, so maybe not. My friend suggested ordering gay porn to neighbors with his name on it, or to his house for his brand new second wife to find.
Do you guys have any better ideas? I’m very angry for my grandpa. I don’t currently have time for prison, but if anything in my schedule opens up I’ll consider more extreme options. Any help is appreciated. Thanks guys.
stabbingrabbit@reddit
First need to get all the neighbors together. Second show video of him stealing from the back yards. Put up no trespassing signs. Nobody can go into your GP back yard without permission or a warrant. Get a background check on neighbor from Casenet. Video camera GP front and backyard. Piss disk his yard, then throw salt in it. Throw bird seed in his back yard to attract birds to poop back there. Then invite the local motorcycle club for beer and barbecue.
Monarc73@reddit
Bikers are a great way to manage a problem that you can walk away from. Otherwise, they are EXTREMELY difficult to get to leave.
hardrockclassic@reddit
GP?
Monarc73@reddit
General Practitioner.
buttchuggs@reddit
GRAND PA
HannahahaxD22@reddit
Grand Pennsylvania?
Haggis_HotPocket@reddit
Buy a lb. Of roofing nails to sprinkle on his driveway, buy a floodlight to shine at his windows, let him know that the little brats don’t belong on your property, place some Nutella under the door handles of his car, file a 1099 with the IRS saying he reroofed your home for $30K, etc.
Hahawney2@reddit
I would also say Limberger cheese in his upper wheel wells.
Shell-Fire@reddit
And the air intake at the bottom of the windshield.
Exaveus@reddit
Funny you mentioned the air intake. I recently discovered you can buy mold spores online. Id hate to imagine what would happen if some got into a car.
Shell-Fire@reddit
lol. Lab supply places are awesome!
Lexx4@reddit
Get some fox piss.
OriginalIronDan@reddit
Deer lure would work.
OilPure5808@reddit
Liquid Ass
Either-Return-8141@reddit
Burn his house down.
WoollyBear_Jones@reddit
Get grandpa and his neighbors together and see which ones would be willing to go down to the police station to file a no trespass order on him. People can do this anytime, to anyone. It’s not the same thing as a restraining order, it just an order saying that the person is not allowed on the property and if they violate that, the cops can arrest the person without a warrant. You don’t need hardly any evidence because it’s well within your rights to deny someone access to your private property for any reason. Have all his willing neighbors do it separately so Dickhead will get multiple NTOs stuffed into his mailbox all at once. The only caveat is that the NTO will obviously show the name and address of the person filing the order, but this will establish a good paper trail in case Dickhead tries to retaliate in some way.
Chiviva@reddit
Is the back of his house woods? Or what’s behind his house? Sounds like Dick needs a little 2AM discussion with a man with a tire iron in his hands
addictedthinker@reddit
Tell more about Dick. What does he do for fun? What does he do for work? Car he drives? What about his new wife? I’d try to set up a supper embarrassing trap, so bad he will choose to move out.
Commercial-Entry-216@reddit (OP)
Lots of fast American cars apparently. Always in the driveway, not sure if their his. C6 and c7, mustang gt and Camaro ss. All cool cars but to have all of them you’ve gotta be the worst guy lol
9lobaldude@reddit
Use a drone to drop plenty of birdseed on Dick’s roof, do it a number of times per week. Before you know it plenty of birds will be routinely stopping on Dick’s roof while soiling the roof, pathways and loved cars with bird droppings
Freudinatress@reddit
Wouldn’t it be sad if someone paid a stranger to wear black, come at night and plaster those cars with stickers? Cute ones, kidding ones, rainbows, unicorns and glitter!
Even worse if they are on the windscreen so you need to get them off before driving anywhere.
If someone thought of doing this, they would need to be told sternly that it’s illegal.
DuckXu@reddit
Save some money and make sure it's those cheap paper stickers
sonny_carpenter@reddit
sign him up for scientology and the like. hell have visitors to keep him occupied at least. and call in for wellness checks on Dick at inopportune times (no more than once a month or so). google estimates for different house upgrades using Dick's address for the estimator tool. do NOT touch his mailbox (federal crime) but DO leave fliers on his door/windsheild to join different hate groups because clearly, hes a prime candidate.
but most of all, get a gnome. this one is weird so bare with me. get a gnome, a basic one that is mass produced. start it at the edge of his yard, and have it face his front door. when he breaks it/tosses it, plant another in a neighbor's yard again facing Dick's front door. he cant go over and throw away a neightbor's property can he? keep it up like a psychological horror game. always the same gnome, always facing his front door, always a new place. get creative about where you hide them. sometimes glaringly obvious, sometimes unhinged. ask some of the other neighbors if theyd host one inside their own home looking at Dick's front door through the window. when he sues for harrassment and bullying, the neighbors have plausible deniability because they havent bought any gnomes. keep it up along with the wellness checks. mention the delusions he has about "the gnomes are always watching" to the wellness check people. dont let up until the asshole is gone
Few_Ad_7613@reddit
This all sounds insane and would make living there a nightmare. Take comfort in the fact that it's not just your grandpa being harassed, but it's being spread out with other neighbors as opposed to him being singled out. Everyone can relate. I am confused about the barbed wire incident though - Dick went onto and installed barbed wire on your grandpa's property, including the pool area? That right there is trespassing, and just the idea of putting up barbed wire on someone else's property doesn't make any sense.
HippyGeek@reddit
Blanket party. Somewhere outside of the neighborhood.
superstud666fromhell@reddit
I suggest some sugar in his gas
Vi_Rants@reddit
Cars have fuel filters now, grandpa.
superstud666fromhell@reddit
Wow you are so smart!
twowheela@reddit
Apparently sugar in tank does near nothing
kindredbud@reddit
If he has any sort of sizeable yard, use bouillon cubes. Launch them with a slingshot. The native animal population will go batshit tearing up his yard, trying to get at the dissolved bouillon.
Material-Win-2781@reddit
Freeze little cubes of water mixed with brown sugar or molasses, broken up bits of cookies fling them over his fence at night into grassy areas. The ant population will soar in ways that are difficult to imagine. Ideally target grassy side yard areas near the kitchen.
You can also freeze cubes of vinegar, it will kill small patches of lawn over a couple of weeks. Good luck proving it, especially if you just tossed one or two a week. His lawn would slowly turn into a pockmarked mess over several months.
You could also get things like 1 lb bags of random wildflower seeds and similarly fling them over the fence at random.
abridged_4@reddit
I’m a big fan of the guerrilla gardening. It’s not an immediate payoff but creeping charlie is so hard to get rid of once it takes hold
the_pretender_nz@reddit
Those are great!! I also remember from this sub that powdered mashed potato is a great thing to throw onto a lawn especially just before it rains
bigfathairymarmot@reddit
Grandpa should seduce Dick's wife.
READ11T@reddit
Give her the real D
blackoceangen@reddit
I’m sorry this is happening, Dick is a Dick. I wouldn’t do anything illegal. I would get the video and contact neighbors regarding the total number of times this guy has reported issues on them and your grandfather, go up to the police station and get what’s called a friendly restraining order. Basically putting him on notice to stay away. Also considering your grandfather is elderly, there could be some elderly abuse laws coming into play here. This guy has no right to be on your grandfather’s property-period. Put up “no trespassing” signs. I would even put up motion censored water sprinklers and flood lights. Tell your grandfather to get a ring camera and do not answer the door when he comes to talk to him. If he asks your grandfather to do something, tell him to put it in writing for evidence. Research your local property/civil codes- you may have a favorable lawsuit if you want to go there.
dotnetdotcom@reddit
Since when do the police enforce building code for pools?
Major-BFweener@reddit
Figure out where and when he typically goes grocery shopping or a similar routine car trip. When he’s at the place, do some dirty car tricks. I’ll let someone else describe air vents and sweat can go in it.
I’m recommending someone not his house in case there are cameras. Also might want to make sure there no cameras wherever you’re at.
SnooWords4839@reddit
Tuna oil in the air vents.
jking7734@reddit
Sardines
OilPure5808@reddit
Liquid Ass
SnooWords4839@reddit
Liquid ass dissipates too soon. Oil isn't rinsing out easily.
Unusualshrub003@reddit
Buck lure
BigBoyBoulevard6@reddit
He'll assume it was some random asshole, not his neighbours. If he's already a tool to them, imagine how much worse it'll get when he can't go after the anonymous car vandal.
Shell-Fire@reddit
Smart.
Hahawney2@reddit
A dead mouse in an air vent in a car in the summer it was no fun
JohnHazardWandering@reddit
Have a lawyer write a letter that the barbed wire is a danger and he will be sued if anyone suffers any injury from it. It's a danger to use that in a residential area.
Also tell your local codes dept.
Material-Win-2781@reddit
If he is any flavor of law enforcement and trespassing when collecting samples that he is then using for evidence to take to the police, You just might be able to get him and the police department in a boatload of trouble for Fourth amendment violations. I would say time to talk to a civil rights attorney.
Law enforcement doesn't get to just clock out and then sidestep every rule of evidence.
Apprehensive_Hat8986@reddit
Also have the lawyer revisit all the harassment Dick has been calling in on everyone. Once a LEO has their reputation for shoddy work revealed, it casts reasonable doubt on literally everything they've done.
Commercial-Entry-216@reddit (OP)
This is the route I’m looking into.
Quirky-Invite7664@reddit
I agree that a lawyer is the way to go.
JebusJones5000@reddit
Piss discs everywhere you can get them around/on his house, sign them up to scientology mailing lists, if you have his phone number, post it on some less-than-savory websites asking for dick pics only. Spread baking flour thickly in his yard, spell out something creative, it'll kill the grass underneath it unless he sprays it off soon. Put pieces of bologna cut into dicks on his car, it'll take the paint off, but those last two are probably illegal. You can also ship him glitter or some fecal matter of your choice.
awolflikeme@reddit
Start a group chat with all the neighbors to keep tabs on this guy and back each other up. Every argument or violation he will be outnumbered and it will soon be clear he's a pariah. He won't live there longer than 2 years.
Lil-LordFuckPants@reddit
Don't do anything unethical or illegal; that could potentially create more issues and stress for your grandfather.
Instead, purchase and setup one or more Ring (or equivalent) security cameras so they cover any areas the problematic neighbor might use to trespass his property. If he is not tech savvy, you can create the account and monitor/control it for him.
Furthermore, if he does have any outstanding issues that could potentially lead to fines if reported, help wherever you can to sort it out.
The shitty neighbor sounds like the type of person who would love to engage in a back and forth, just to stir up more problems.
Queasy-Flan2229@reddit
Sounds like elder abuse, which is illegal...
razorgirlRetrofitted@reddit
of course it's some pigfuck ice bro.
Cynical_Tripster@reddit
Pour sturmstorring fermented fish down his cars air intake, pay a hobo 20 bucks and a bottle of jack.
bizzybeez123@reddit
Puree' it, add a little water and put it in a super soaker. Throw away the blender and the toy gun.
Material-Win-2781@reddit
Substitute heavy cream for water
Forgiven4108@reddit
Mix in liquid ass.
AgStacking@reddit
Piss Disc
Random_182f2565@reddit
I will never suggest violence, there should be another way, like talking
Electrical_Desk_3730@reddit
Lawyers
deedubfry@reddit
BBs in his lawn. When he mows the lawn it will be like he’s being shot in the leg with a shotgun.
iaMBictrochee@reddit
Is there a biker bar in your grandfather's area? I don't mean outlaw bikers, but some motorcycle clubs have members that might look a bit rough around the edges and from my experience, are fantastic people! Many of them don't like hearing that children or the elderly are being bullied. Maybe invite some over for a neighborhood BBQ. Make it a regular occurrence. Your grandfather and his neighbors could all benefit from some fun gatherings! Invite Dick. Make sure that he gets introduced to the new friends.
StevieG-2021@reddit
I was going to suggest something like this. Great idea👍
RomulaFour@reddit
If there is an agency for elder abuse, go talk to them and see if they have any ideas. This kind of harassment may support a protective order. Have all the neighbors put up cameras so that you can collect supporting evidence. You can also talk with a few attorneys to see if they see any potential lawsuits here.
Literal-Goblin-2000@reddit
Scatter powdered mashed potato mix in his yard.
Pomegranate_1328@reddit
Motion activated sprinklers. Some you can add a fertilizer tank to the line. I would add the liquid fish fertilizer to it. Smells awful and it is oily so hard to wash off right away.You can get away with just fertilizing the lawn when he trespasses.
Or just spray it into his pool when he is not around much more fun, (or car vents along the property etc.)
Quirky-Invite7664@reddit
First, motion-activated sprinklers.
Second, consult a lawyer.
Opposite-Shower1190@reddit
Put up cameras on the outside of his house. If Dick trespasses take the video to the cops
DJ_Vigilance@reddit
Dick has got to go
Ok_Bag2395@reddit
Piss discs, artfully deployed
Infamous_Leather4692@reddit
Asking for boarderline or less illegal advice in a public forum is doing the cops work for them.
triforce_of_wisdom@reddit
Hello, welcome to /r/UnethicalLifeProTips If the advice isn't borderline illegal we don't want it.
fooxzorz@reddit
Read the room.