Do you overshare?
Posted by FockersJustSleeping@reddit | Xennials | View on Reddit | 127 comments
I'm trying to figure out if this is a me thing or partly generational.
I grew up with adults that never talked about anything personal. You can't talk about money, you can't talk about feelings, you can't talk about fears, you can't talk about joys. You CAN complain, and you CAN say that you like something, just as long as you don't mention that you don't like it because it hurts your feelings or you like something because it really touches you in your heart.
So, sometimes, I try to break the cycle and open up about those things because I watched the adults in my life hold all of it in and life lives where they were ruled by embarrassment, confusion, and disconnection.
A small example. The other day there was an office discussion about reality shows (I guess the Amazing Race is celebrating their 500th year). They were asking different people their opinions. I said I only ever really liked one reality show and I thought it was the best one that has ever been made by miles. They asked me what it was.
I am a stocky, low voiced, full beard, graying, flannel and levis, wife/kid/dog "Dude". I know what I look like and how I come off. I get called lumberjack a lot even though I think one day as an actual lumberjack would cause me to have a heart attack.
Anyway, I say Project Runway. I explained that I enjoyed the raw talent of competitors, I felt like it is framed to take us on a complex emotional journey with real stakes and deserving contestants. I talked about how it had opened up my ideas on what fashion is and what it's for and who it's for, and that I think it's a show with a good heart that wants to deliver a message through the journey of the narrative. The room gasped and then exploded. It's like I had told them I was secretly from the bottom of the ocean.
This is a single example but it has happened more than a few times in my life when I dare to say how I really feel about something. But, again, I don't know if it's just me and my experiences, or if people our age are a weird mix of wanting to break old rules of silence but also not expected to by older and younger people.
Lughaidh_@reddit
Do you also feel misunderstood? Daydream a lot? Procrastinate? Sometimes do you begin conversations in the middle of your thought, forgetting to give people context? Is it difficult to find a sense of accomplishment from a job well done? Do you hop from hobby to hobby? Just curious…
FockersJustSleeping@reddit (OP)
...yes.
Are you selling me something?
orangina_it_burns@reddit
They are listing pop psychology ADHD traits
moeru_gumi@reddit
Incorrect, I am listing things that both my wife and I experience. We are both diagnosed as adults.
FockersJustSleeping@reddit (OP)
Oh, everybody has ADHD, that's no help. I thought they were going to show me some cool sleep goggles or something.
moeru_gumi@reddit
If I’m picking up what that other commenter is putting down, it’s probably Vyvanse or Adderall.
Over sharing and other behaviors listed above are textbook examples of ADHD symptoms in adults.
You can also add:
Do you feel “time blind”, like you have no idea how much time has passed, or like anything in your life was either “two years ago or fifteen years ago “?
Do you have specific ways to organize your time and thoughts like making lists of even simple daily tasks to make sure you get to them all?
Do you feel overwhelmed by daily tasks like showering, answering the phone, making your own lunch or folding laundry, to the point that it “hangs over you” and you feel almost paralyzed?
Do you feel a sense of dread when you have an appointment later in the day and “can’t do anything” until that appointment has passed?
Do you tend to repeat a fragment of song in your head very loudly, maybe even multiple songs at once, to an extent that’s distracting? Maybe even to a volume where you can’t hear sounds in the room?
Do you tend to literally not hear someone who talks to you suddenly, and then suddenly your brain catches up with their words like it’s buffering?
Do you find it nearly impossible to break out of a mentally absorbing activity like reading, cooking, drawing, writing, etc. if someone tries to interrupt you , and it feels almost painful to switch activities?
Conversely, do you find it impossible to read a book and you keep rereading the same paragraph over and over as if your eyes skip down the page?
Do you tap or drum on stuff while working or reading (body is otherwise idle)?
djsynrgy@reddit
I've been "self diagnosed" for a while, from exposure to various bits over time in my FB feed.. But this comment wraps so many of those bits into a single post, that it's almost unsettling, again, because literally ALL of that, is me.
(And it feels almost "too late" to do anything about, because I'm closer to 50 than 40, and the medical system seems generally reticent to diagnose adults - especially in the current climate when the proverbial floodgates have opened.)
moeru_gumi@reddit
I was diagnosed at the tender age of 40, and it was absurdly easy (used Lifestance to find a psychiatrist in my state) and the psych I talked to was able to diagnose me in an hour long intake-interview, send my rx to Kroger and I picked it up same day.
FockersJustSleeping@reddit (OP)
Ok, so this thread took a turn. What does it mean if you do absolutely everything you just listed?
Is this like a horoscope thing where they all kind of apply to everyone, so it's designed to be relatable to people no mater what...or...is that bad?
Leading-Summer-4724@reddit
It means you might be a fellow previously undiagnosed ADHDer. Our age-group is notorious for it, because they were only just starting to understand it enough to recognize and diagnose it. There are a few different types, so not everyone is super physically hyper, which is what typically triggers parents to bring their kid in to the doctor. I’m inattentive-type, for example, and went through a sad portion of my life not being properly treated for it.
FockersJustSleeping@reddit (OP)
Well. Shit.
Leading-Summer-4724@reddit
It’s all good. If you do have it, you probably unknowingly self-medicate for it as a coping mechanism. For instance before I began treatment, I was drinking 2-3 pots of coffee a day. I also masked a lot when I realized a lot of my behaviors were freaking other people out — the oversharing for example. Best not to fall down too deep of a rabbit hole, but talking to your doctor might help if you want to go that route. I wish you luck!
FockersJustSleeping@reddit (OP)
God, I drink SO much coffee...
Yeah...yeah ok. Doctor time.
CupcakeGoat@reddit
I love this for you! A possible positive turn of life from a stranger's comment.
URfwend@reddit
I was diagnosed as an adult after taking tests with my Dr. One I was medicated it was such a huge change. I didn't know how much I compensated and worked around being ADHD in my daily life. I also didn't know how many other ripple effects came from it, like depression and anxiety. It was also a big holy shit moment going back to my childhood and how much it explained. It also made me a little sad that I had to struggle so much and never feel understood going back. It could have been different. But it is what it is.
It's not a cure all and there's still other things that pop up that I have to work on and be mindful of. But still, the feeling of being color blind to the world and then suddenly being able to see in technicolor is totally worth it. Make the appointment dude.
FormidableMistress@reddit
Yeah dude, probably ADHD or you're on the autism spectrum or both. And no, not everyone has ADHD, but a decent size portion of the population does and they've been undiagnosed or ignored most of their lives. My brother was very hyper as a young child and they got him tested and sure enough it was ADHD. I told my mom I wanted to be tested too because I could tell that I did not think like the other kids did. My thoughts raced and I couldn't stay on task. You know what she said to me in front of my brother?
"You don't have ADHD, you're fine. You're the smart one."
All three of my children have been diagnosed with autism and ADHD. So has my brother and both of his children. Most of my cousin's children are also on the spectrum. I tick every single box. It's a rampant issue in my mom's side of the family.
Coffee and weed help me slow down and focus. Too much coffee puts me to sleep, two cups seems to be the amount I need in the morning. A hybrid strain helps me focus and move through my day like a normal person.
Just talk to your doctor homie. Tell him you're not trying to be doped up on medication but you have these issues and you have questions about what it could be and if there's treatment. Let him do the medical work. Good luck.
sparkletigerfrog@reddit
It’s ok. Team adhd!
frooootloops@reddit
high five TEAM ADHD!
Rogue_Gona@reddit
It's okay OP. I've discovered there is a very high probability I'm on the spectrum over the last several months. Still waffling on whether or not I want to pay for an official diagnosis or not.
Apparently, being diagnosed as ADHD, autistic, or AuDHD as an adult is common, especially for women going through perimenopause (like I am right now). Our parents ignored the signs, even though they were always there.
And to answer your question, yes I do tend to overshare.
sicksixgamer@reddit
My hippy mother (bless her heart) literally took me to a (astrology) chart reading and her hippy friend just said I was good at multitasking....
So I went 40+ years never considering I might have crippling ADHD.
frooootloops@reddit
As much as I love astrology… OMG lol. Oh, mom.
Leading-Summer-4724@reddit
Ah yes the “you’re good at multitasking” praise. Before I was diagnosed I ended up leaning hard into the “jack of all trades; master of none” mentality. I wanted to scream when people told me I was “good” at multitasking, because it was honestly me just trying to white-knuckle everything.
MarmaladeMarmaduke@reddit
I literally ripped a chunk of hair out of my head when someone at my last job told me I was great at multitasking while I was white knuckling like 10 things at once. Wish I knew that trick sooner because they sent me home for it.
Lughaidh_@reddit
It’s about frequency, history, and intensity. Just like everyone gets sad, but not everyone has depression. Anyone can procrastinate; but not all the time, since they were young, and about things that are important or that they explicitly want to do.
Morriganx3@reddit
I also relate to all this stuff. I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD til i was 30-something, but it changed my life. It definitely doesn’t apply to everyone.
Still-Worldliness-44@reddit
All of the stuff listed above applies to me and I'm freaking out a bit. I thought it was a joke at first.
How did your life change after you were diagnosed?
After_Preference_885@reddit
Adhd babe, a lot of us have it and were never diagnosed because we didn't disrupt class
Lughaidh_@reddit
Lol sorry, not selling anything. Just making an ADHD joke. I’m in no way qualified to diagnose and most of what I listed is just commonalities that people with ADHD have found through conversation and just relating. Definitely see a professional for an actual diagnosis, if you even want one. There’s also the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria you can find online if you want to read through it and see what clinically identifies someone with ADHD.
I was diagnosed three years ago at age 42. I wasn’t even expecting it. I was seeing a therapist because of depression, telling them my life story, and he was like “have you ever considered you might have ADHD?” It really made a bunch of stuff about my life make way more sense.
meenie@reddit
Same exact thing happened to me! I got tested and found I have the inattentive type.
Lughaidh_@reddit
Yup, also inattentive. Instead of getting diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, they put me in Gifted.
meenie@reddit
I was just ignored and went from a 4.0 my freshman and sophomore years to almost failing and not graduating high school. Went straight into the Marine Corps and the structure in those years really helped me. I then gravitated to software engineering which helped me to have black and white logic in my life. Then these fucking LLMs showed up and now things are no longer deterministic lol. I love them, though. I can build so many things, now.
CSATTS@reddit
I laughed while reading this because I knew exactly where you were heading. I was diagnosed when I was in 5th grade but didn't take anything for it because my dad would say "it's all in your head, you're just not trying hard enough" and until college I was able to get by with Bs just by doing decent on tests. Once I hit college I could barely maintain a C average, so finally I got treated with Adderall my senior year and couldn't believe what a difference it made. Went to the top of my class.
I've since developed some negative side effects from the Adderall (anxiety and slight depression in the evening) so I stopped taking that and am trying Strattera. Not nearly as effective as Adderall was but I didn't like coming home to my family as a zombie after work.
FullyGroanMan@reddit
LOL as soon as I saw the title of this post I thought "Ah yes, another fellow Millennial without an ADHD diagnosis."
I'm 42 and finally got an official diagnosis in January. My need to overshare has pretty much vanished since I've been medicated!
IamRick_Deckard@reddit
I was just watching the Before Sunrise/Sunset/Midnight series, and the characters talked. The whole movie was them talking. I remember in the 90s the whole mood was like this, it was about being honest and open, and finding kindred spirits and connection. In its extreme it was people asking really bald leading questions, like I remember in HS someone going around at parties opening conversations with "what's your impossible dream" or something. But yes, I think it's a generational thing, and I think it's a good thing. It's also a regional thing. I remember reading a book by an American living in Paris, and she said the New York way of talking was to be confessional and neurotic.
Apprehensive_Hat8986@reddit
Not at all. /s
In actuality I definitely do. The trauma is leaking out and I'm cracked. From the rubber room looking out however, I wouldn't describe what you did as oversharing at all. They asked, and you gave a topical, carfully considered, and articulate answer. You didn't use it as a platform to speak about personal issues (compare: my reply here), but were willing to hint at there being more depth to your point were anyone interested to learn more.
If they could not handle your answer, then they don't know how good they've got it. Don't let that dissuade you. You may be casting pearls before swine, but what you said has worth. And being an example to others often results in some people lashing out. Their ingratitude is their problem, not yours.
gotbock@reddit
I used to but I could tell people were really put off by it so I stopped. And now I realize why my parents didn't talk about that stuff.
DriblyRedwyne@reddit
You should have said Drag Race
Inevitable_Tone3021@reddit
I totally feel this.
My family always said don't brag, don't complain, don't talk about events that other people aren't invited to, don't mention money and definitely not feelings.
But I've found that opening up has helped me connect with other people.
When I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, I made a post about it on Facebook one day, something that my family would never do.
But in doing so, I found out that I had FIVE other friends and relatives with the same disease, and I never would have known had I not mentioned it. Sometimes I still wonder if I shouldn't mention anything about my health on social media, but in that case I'm so glad I found out that I wasn't alone.
NotRadTrad05@reddit
That's just basic manners.
sumthymelater@reddit
Cultured people don't have feelings, do they luv.
NotRadTrad05@reddit
Of course I have feelings like everyone else, but if anyone was interested in my feelings they'd ask. Bringing it up myself is rude and self centered.
sumthymelater@reddit
You matter. Your feelings matter.
sumthymelater@reddit
No it isn't?
yungrii@reddit
It's wild to me to hide shit. I get that there's a point where things go too far and become whining or bragging, but I not going to lie about something like chronic health issues. I developed ulcerative colitis right after high school, had my large intestine chopped out, and it's been weird since then. If I didn't talk about it, people would think I was insane for all the weird behaviors I have due to it. That and I want to meet people with similar situations so we can talk to and understand each other. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Inevitable_Tone3021@reddit
This! Totally! My autoimmune condition gives me sudden hormone shifts that make me anxious or cause any number of weird symptoms. I tell my co workers about it so that they don't just think I'm acting weird, I may just be having some mild symptoms.
toomuchtv987@reddit
I know the word “toxic” is way overused, but I decided that the older (elderly) members of my family have toxic privacy. No one knew my granddad’s financial standing because “it’s nobody’s business” which means we had no idea how to proceed when he got super sick and died and then my grandmother needed assisted living.
(Turns out the privacy extended to any kind of professional financial advice, also. Basically he just stashed whatever money he thought would be sufficient into different savings accounts. I’ll let you conclude whether or not it was actually sufficient or not.)
Anyway…yeah. Privacy can be toxic.
FockersJustSleeping@reddit (OP)
Oh totally, a few years back I missed a lot of work and when I was returning I asked my wife what I tell people who don't know what happened. She looked at me and said, "tell them you had a heart attack, because you had a heart attack." So, I did, and it was fine. For the life of me I'm not sure why I thought it would be weird to just say what happened.
I'm glad you told people. I'm glad you told me, too. That sucks and I hope you're doing alright.
Inevitable_Tone3021@reddit
Thanks, I am doing pretty well and hope you are too.
I agree with telling the co workers. I had a friend who was hospitalized for three weeks once for a severe infection and she didn't want her co workers to know. I figured if you don't tell them, they can assume anything they want to, like that you were arrested or in rehab or something. Why not just tell them you were hospitalized? But she was more old-school than me about the whole thing, not wanting them to know anything about her personal life.
ljf137@reddit
No, the less people know about me the harder it is for them to start a conversation with me.
GarblingCumfarts@reddit
No.
babyBear83@reddit
Howdy fellow adhder🤠
erino3120@reddit
It’s my signature color
rootsquasher@reddit
No, I have a handful of friends and beyond that I don’t tell anyone anything. My wife on the other hand will tell people her SSN, age, address, ATM PIN, hours she is at work away from the house, names of everyone she went to high school with, favorite foods, mother’s maiden name, etc.
os_beef@reddit
I am a mess of over sharing and not communicating at all. In some cases, we should view problems as bumps in the road, and immediately switch to problem solving mode. I don't want to feel about problems, I just want to get them fixed and move on with my life. I realized the other day that while some people who are close to me seem to view life as a timeline marked by painful events, I don't view my life that way, and want to spend as much time as I can setting up for and experiencing the good parts of life. Part of that is dealing with and fixing problems, so unless I gather some kind of trauma over an event, I don't want to spend time exploring my discomfort. If I bite my tongue, it fucking hurts, but I don't want to feel like I have to empathize with someone who is feeling my pain second hand. I don't want or need to focus on it.
On the other hand, there are things that I want to talk about, and sometimes exploring my feelings is cathartic. Those are the times I'll over share.
arcxjo@reddit
Quite the opposite. 4 decades of life have drilled into me how worthless and uncountworthy I am. Anything other than "fine" is just going to make things worse.
sicksixgamer@reddit
For years I would respond to all variations of "How are you?" With 'Fine' and 'All right' and people would look at you like you said you wanted to kys. I just felt like that was more honest than everyone lieing saying they were good or great all the time.
baudmiksen@reddit
Or responding with the old "how much time do you have?"
frooootloops@reddit
I was a chronic oversharer and now I’m like, “Hi. Cool. Nice to meet you. Bye, now!”
My mother was a chronic oversharer via complaining; I learned to bond via commiseration. Turns out I just came across as a negative asshole.
Then I was a chronic oversharer of my trauma… no one needs to know all of this about me!
Now… IDGAF. I feel like one must pass a series of trials and tribulations to learn about me.
Illustrious_Profile6@reddit
Judging by the giant wall of text I'm going to go out on a limb and def say you do lol.
FockersJustSleeping@reddit (OP)
I promise this was the edited thrice cut down version lol
fundamentally_1LL@reddit
i do and it is obvious to myself when it’s happening and after the interaction i knock myself. i really wouldn’t know how to slow down and answer the “how are you doing” question without explaining my dad’s recent cancer diagnosis, my brother stealing money, my estranged children, being in AA, etc…
polygonalopportunist@reddit
Im an east coaster who lived in the PNW. I could see my normal discourse make them uncomfortable, basic stuff.
chuck3436@reddit
Yes and it haunts me often.
toomuchtv987@reddit
I am occasionally emotionally slutty, yes.
aliceinadreamyland@reddit
This is the best choice of words for this.
ThresholdSeven@reddit
Of being emotionally slutty is cool, consider me Miles Davis
RiotPurrrl@reddit
I could not love this phrase more
toomuchtv987@reddit
I can’t take credit…Carrie Bradshaw said it in an episode of SATC.
BetaGal6@reddit
Ineedavodka2019@reddit
I do. Sometimes I don’t even realize it until I see the persons reaction. I guess sometimes I also can be blunt or relay experiences that I thought were not to bad and people look at me like I’m oversharing.
FockersJustSleeping@reddit (OP)
I really relate to relaying, what I think, is a quirky story about something that happened to me and then seeing someone look at me horrified. Me going, no no no, it's like a funny story!
Ineedavodka2019@reddit
Or just wait no, I’m fine. It’s fine. I worked through that and it’s not a big deal anymore.
RachelFourie@reddit
Project Runway really is the best reality show.
_buffy_summers@reddit
I kind of love oversharing. The people who don't mind are automatically my people, and I don't say anything too crazy to complete strangers. But I guess my definition of 'too crazy' is odd. Case in point...
I grew up in a house where my siblings and I would get screamed at for laughing together. My mother and father still go out of their way to make everyone miserable, and I am no-contact with both of them.
Was that oversharing? Because I'm 44, so 'my parents are abusive' is about as normal to me as 'I breathe air.'
bsg_80@reddit
Yes, I do and have. And now I’m properly medicated lol
Comprehensive-Fact94@reddit
I'm not sure this is a generational thing.
My gut tells me a sizable portion of the population doesn't really think all that deep unless they have to. And they get weird when faced with someone who does so of their own accord.
Deep thinkers learn to hide it as a result.
"I was ashamed of myself when I realized that life was a costume party, and I attended with my real face." - Franz Kafka
PapaGuhl@reddit
I do.
I try not to, but I do.
No_Today_4903@reddit
This is me. Then the harder I try not to thennnnn even more just comes flying on out. I’ve become hyper aware of it and that makes me more embarrassed and just. Lol I’m a hot wreck. Pretty sure I’m adhd, I tried addy a few years ago and it did exactly nothing. They adjusted the doses up and down. I’m on anxiety meds, depression meds. I can’t win. See! Here I go. Telling it all! Wanna know where I was born? Went to school? Lmao.
SJSsarah@reddit
Me. I’m seriously an open book. I find lying to be completely exhausting, so I am the same version of the real me online, at work, at home. And yes, I definitely over share. In multiple ways. Part of it comes from my Autism. But the rest is for the exact same reasons OP states. I see too many people in my life not speaking up, not sharing and I think that’s sad. And, like OP, whenever I do open up about myself, it “challenges” the assumptions other people may have mistakenly made about me. That’s actually the best part of opening up and sharing, it’s an opportunity to reshape how people perceive and understand you.
If you share absolutely nothing about yourself or your thoughts or opinions… people WILL fill in the blanks with their own opinions, and they’ll typically be totally off the wall and wrong assumptions. Give them your truth! It only sets you both free in the end.
viridiansoul@reddit
Absolutely. But I'm also autistic, and that's pretty common for us.
pls_send_caffeine@reddit
Oh yes, I definitely overshare. I have to remind myself a little too often that I don't always have to share sooo much of my feelings, current struggles, and past history. THEN, I have to remind myself that it's also absolutely ok to be open and vulnerable, in the right situations. I'm basically always "calibrating", especially lately because I'm currently a stay at home mom who's been a little isolated and kid focused for too long so I've lost some of my social skills. Working on it though. Glad I'm not the only one with oversharing struggles!
Also, Project Runway is an amazing show. You have good taste!
smolstuffs@reddit
I love the fact that in your world The Amazing Race is in its 500th year.
Yes, I've been told I need to stop over sharing, but mine is driven by 100% organic not-from-concentrate ADHD. My favorite reality show is the least of my embarrassing over shares.
opacapus@reddit
What an interesting response. I really like Project Runway too. At first it was because of the fashion, but now it's because I'm a hobby sewist that makes garments. I'm also a gal that looks like she'd like fashion. I imagine the room reacted the way they did because "Project Runway" is an unexpected response from a "dude" that gives lumberjack vibes. If I were one of the folks in the room I may have assumed "Alone" (on History Channel). To answer your question, I've tried to hold my personal feelings and whatnot close to the vest most of my adult life, but my face always gives me away. My dad has always said he can read my face like a book. I guess a lot of people can. My parents and sisters are a mix of "never complain, never explain" and "can't keep a personal or a confided secret if their life depended on it". I think I fall somewhere in the middle. I try to keep private because shyness, issues with being vulnerable around non-close colleagues, and I don't think I'm that interesting. But my face betrays me 😂
All that said, I was disappointed with the most recent season of PR because it was all interpersonal drama and less about the art of process and creating fashion. Keep being you, dude. You know who you are 😄 even if those around you may not.
platypus_farmer42@reddit
It’s weird. I’m pretty introverted and generally anti social. When I am forced to be out with people I usually keep my mouth shut. However if I start to feel comfortable with the people I’m around, I usually end up sharing way too much. By the end of the event the people I’ve been talking to know way too much about me
iwasnotarobot@reddit
I… try not to?
RiotPurrrl@reddit
I don’t really consider talking about a tv show to be oversharing, even if you get into the reasons why or it seems outside of your typical likes, so we likely have a different definition of overshare. IMO it’s when someone tells you something intensely personal when you don’t know them well. So, do I do that? Definitely not. Do I do what you’re describing? Yes but it sounds to me like it’s just a conversation about something you enjoy. If I misread, my apologies.
FockersJustSleeping@reddit (OP)
No no, you didn't misread at all. I have an issue where I will tell a story in generalities and people always want a recent example, so I feel compelled to offer one in stories now. But sometimes I prioritize recent over relevant. So, that was me kind of going out on a limb, but a small limb. There have been other times where I open up about actual deep feelings and get similar responses where I have observed people not responding to deep things from other people.
You see how that paragraph was borderline nonsense? I think that might be part of my problem.
RiotPurrrl@reddit
Haha no I got it! So I guess to answer your original question, I don’t generally share deep or complicated emotions outside of my circle. It’s not that I think no one should be open, just a personal level of comfort I have. That said, I think our generation shares some things that are super taboo to older generations, like finances. In that instance I’m sure my grandmother would say I’m oversharing, but people close to our ages would view it as normal conversation.
As for the intensely personal type of oversharing, I find that more with Gen Z than with us.
sjd208@reddit
I joke that I have resting “tell me all your anxieties and hopes & dreams” face. I really enjoy connecting with people on a not-trivial level, esp one on one. If someone is sharing with me, I often respond with something a little deeper than small talk. Mostly though it ends up being them talking and me soaking up the info in an interested way.
Brock_Savage@reddit
When I was younger it felt like I had a sign above my head that said "Hi, I am friendly and open-minded, come talk to me about anything!"
alesplin@reddit
I feel like in the fifties people talked about politics. Then when the Civil Rights Movement got underway “don’t talk about politics” became a way for people to hid their support for racism/segregation/Jim Crow/etc. so a generation and a half grew up being told not to talk about things that were likely to result in disagreement, and as a result we as a society lost the ability to disagree without anger. IMO more people should talk about more things that matter, and learn to do it civilly like we used to.
FoppyRETURNS@reddit
Yeah, but I am improving. Gonna be Bruce Wayne by 50. Lol
walrus40@reddit
Nope. But I married an oversharer lol
punky100@reddit
I try once in a while with certain people.
My family (mom dad bro and sis) have been failing so hard lately it's kind of incredible.
I shared on Monday about the moon flyby and got 1 purposeful misreading to be funny, and then another one saying to tell him when the space program gets further than landing people on the moon again.
I am 90% completely done letting them know anything, or sharing anything I am thinking about or excited about.
FockersJustSleeping@reddit (OP)
Nothing quite stings like you trying to gently and genuinely reach out and someone just sticking a knife through your hand. I'm sorry they reacted like that, that sucks.
punky100@reddit
Best thing about it is this is how we have functioned my whole life.
Took until I got married at 40 to realize it's a really shitty way to treat people.
Thanks for replying. It's nice to be heard.
FockersJustSleeping@reddit (OP)
Thank you for listening, also. I get being shitty to people as a defense against their bad attitude. I've never understood being that way right off the rip. It sounds like you married someone that understands that and is a nice oasis from that.
ThoughtsHaveWings@reddit
I’m an open book about many things. But I don’t talk about things I could consider “personal failures”.
TheDukeofArgyll@reddit
God yes. I genuinely enjoy it. I’d rather talk about real things than superficial small talk.
tres-vip@reddit
I definitely "overshare", and everyone our age and older that I've ever known/interacted with does too, lol. A while ago I was reflecting on just how much we all used to "trauma dump", as the kids say, and no one thought it odd. I really think smartphones and social media have changed the way younger generations act and socialize. Like how they don't dance or party the way they did, because all of that could end up online for the world to see.
Primary-Strawberry-5@reddit
I’ve intentionally cultivated friendships with people who are willing to share AND willing to listen. One thing that I have backed away from is over sharing on social media. It’s a total simp fest sometimes. I’ve actually weaned myself off from the Metaverse (fb, ig, etc…) and my life is so much more calm
Entropy907@reddit
No
Ladypeace_82@reddit
To answer the question, yes. Then instant regret b/c I can't read their reactions....
mondo636@reddit
Found that the older I get the better I get at not articulating my first thought or the immediate impulse to share a similar experience with someone sharing with me. Comes across as you thinking you’re the center of the universe, or that you are a one upper. Always came from a place of empathy from me, but a lot of time people just need to unload their burdens. All we need to do is listen.
Brock_Savage@reddit
I'm quite extroverted but oversharing and giving random people access to your inner world is rarely a good idea. At best it violates boundaries and makes people feel awkward. Someone who blurts whatever is on their mind appear incapable of confidentiality. At worst, people will use the information to manipulate, shame and otherwise take advantage of you.
TLDR: Before sharing your inner world with others read the room. If in doubt, don't do it.
korbendallas13@reddit
Pope shit in the woods?
ghoulthebraineater@reddit
I'm autistic. I go from either being unsettlingly quiet to info dumping and over sharing. There's really no on between.
No_Custard_6481@reddit
I always do it bc people do not talk to each other at all anymore besides on the internet. I talk to everyone bc life is lonely and boring holding everything in and being the same as everyone else. I overshare bc I want others to see it’s okay to be open and honest. Not everyone will judge you for what you are doing. Most of the time people are so receptive and happy to talk about things outside of the norm. I will talk about everything regarding myself but I won’t share other people’s secrets. I don’t speak about my relationship.
I think there needs to be more people like us that remind people that it’s okay to be messy in a way. Bc you never know what’s going on in their head. Maybe they haven’t laughed in years?
We never spoke about anything in my house. So many rules. Don’t say this, don’t say that. So I never said anything to anyone and it really hurt me later on life.
Kudos to you!!
I love project runway also. I love birds, rocks, country music, so much stuff that when others meet me they are shocked. lol. I love seeing people’s face when I sing some old country song, rancid and TLC usually all at the same time.
FockersJustSleeping@reddit (OP)
I also fucking love rocks. Birds are...fine.
But no, seriously, I think that's fantastic.
PhoneJazz@reddit
Our generation is breaking taboo conversation topics. One example I can think of is discourse around menstruation and perimenopause.
sakkadesu@reddit
No idea if it is generational, in my family we undershare and I generally avoid talking about myself. More than a few people have told me I’m hard to read and they wonder what I think about. Recently this French woman about 30 years my senior said this to me so I gave her a précis of my life and she was just really…pleased? Even now people who have known me for years don’t know some basic things about my history and they are blown away when I tell them some little factoid about my past. I’ve done a lot of things, been a lot of places but to me it’s all just me hence boring af.
MedusaMadman77@reddit
I constantly have to stop myself.
16Shells@reddit
i’m very introverted and generally quiet so i don’t bring up anything about myself on my own, but if it comes up in a conversation i’ll be extremely open about pretty much anything. my struggles with depression and anxiety, sex & kinks, bodily functions, whatever (especially when i had done some coke or i was drinking. don’t really do that anymore lol).
the only things i won’t discuss with anyone, even some of my closest friends, are politics and religion, because i’ll usually end up annoyed and losing respect for the person i’m talking to. people are stupid and selfish and if i have to be around someone regularly i don’t want to be filled with contempt when they’re around.
JeffTS@reddit
Yeah, I probably do.
Pale_Preference_8239@reddit
BUT did you watch the Netflix special on PR?! I had no idea about Miss Jay and her stroke.
BeignetsAndWhiskey@reddit
I say this with love because I'm right there with you. Frequently being in group conversations where you grind it to a halt might be a sign that you are on the spectrum. Some people will find it endearing but most find it off-putting.
I have worked on this a lot myself and have learned a lot from experience. Don't be judgy. Don't say things like "I only like one reality show and it's better than the garbage you're all talking about" when people are talking about reality shows. Something like "I don't watch a lot of reality TV but I do really like Project Runway" sounds better. And be genuinely interested in the shows they are talking about. Maybe say that they sound fun and ask what season would be best to start on. Even if you never intend to start it
FockersJustSleeping@reddit (OP)
My sister is severely Autistic, in that she is disabled from it. Almost non-communicative.
I want to say that when I say the room exploded, it was with people delighted by what I said, and I certainly didn't say their favorites were bad. I was just stating that that show was the only one that had resonated with me. It wasn't a negative experience, I was just confused as to why they were SO much more animated in their response to me than the response to each other.
BeignetsAndWhiskey@reddit
I guess I misinterpreted your post then. I got the impression everyone just looked at you funny. Like I said, I struggle to pick up on cues
FockersJustSleeping@reddit (OP)
I struggle to explain myself clearly.
High five!
SweetCosmicPope@reddit
I've been given grief for being too open before. To be clear, when it involves other people I keep my mouth shut. I don't tell my friends about what goes on in the bedroom, for example. But I have no qualms talking about my likes, my dislikes, my financial burdens, or my financial gains.
I don't do this to make people feel bad, or to make them feel bad for me. I just prefer being open and honest about who I am and what's going on in my life.
FockersJustSleeping@reddit (OP)
Yes, this, exactly this flavor or openness. Deeply personal/inappropriate isn't for public display, everything else on the table as fair game.
prosequare@reddit
I’ll talk about anything to anyone. My personal shell is below the Network layer.
DadBodMetalGod@reddit
As a tech autist who learned to talk, I felt this comment in my soul lmao
IdioticPrototype@reddit
I don't even regular share, but this is a funny story and I'm glad you shared it with us.
maggie320@reddit
I don’t, but that’s purely by choice. My parents were very open to talking about anything with me. Now my sister and I rarely talk about things. But that just because we’re both weird.
JamesMattDillon@reddit
Oh I do and I am trying to stop
turbodonuts@reddit
Nope.