People who've lived in flats, have you ever received or sent a note to a neighbour?

Posted by Carinwe_Lysa@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 25 comments

Hey everyone,

I'm new to living in flats as prior to last year I've lived in houses where seeing & speaking to neighbours was an easy thing as chances are you'd always run into them when leaving the house or working in the garden etc.

But I've noticed living in my current flat (only 5 floors, 25 units overall) that I only ever see the same 2-3 households whenever I'm out collecting the post or coming/going, and according to workers who've visited for electrics/water system checks, not a lot of the residents here answer their doors or downstairs ringer.

I've lived here for seven months now and had no issues, but the upstairs neighbour over the past month seems to be disrupting my sleep with very heavy footsteps during the early hours (2-5AM almost daily, like they're getting up to the toilet).

Would it be suitable to leave them a polite note in their letter box, just informing them that their footsteps during the early hours are causing loud impact sounds through the ceiling, then marking it off with my flat number if they want to speak to me about it? Not looking to leave an angry raginh note, just a short polite FYI really, as they're probably not aware of it.

It sounds stupid, but I'm wary of going round unannounced late in the evening after work, as nobody really wants visitors at that time...

Has anyone else received or sent any notes to their neighbours?

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clbbcrg@reddit

A note would wind me up .. if you got something to say knock the door like an adult

BestHisui@reddit

Out of interest, why would it wind you up?

If somebodies sleep is being genuinely disturbed to the point they need to leave a polite note, surely thats better than somebody coming round to address it? Either way their problem is being aired etc and its down to the note receiver to choose whether or not to act on it.

Somebody knocking on the door in person just makes the matter potentially more confrontational than it needs to be IMO, especially in a flat where you don't know most neighbours according to OP.

escapingfromelba@reddit

No it's not better as a note offers no dialogue and no gauge of the seriousness of the problem or the person asking. Plus they are normally done by idiots so the very act of leaving a note puts you in with those types and therefore makes you less credible.

Like I said if you got an issue knock the door, a passive aggressive note is just going to serve to piss me off and view you as a little worm

malmikea@reddit

It might make you feel better that you’ve informed them but what outcome would you consider to be reasonable on their side?

I think as you’re new to living in flats ,maybe you’re not used to the ambient noises yet

LukaszGlaza@reddit

Regardles, have you tried wearing earplugs for sleeping?

okiadmit@reddit

Or a Bluetooth eyemask!

Matchaparrot@reddit

I can vouch for earplugs. They've made a really positive difference to my sleep

Which-World-6533@reddit

The modern method is to setup a Facebook Group for your building.

I would leave a notice in a common area.

Once your neighbours have signed up you can then make passive aggressive posts like a modern person.

Wait-Whos-Joe@reddit

Were upstairs neighbours and if someone left us a note asking to quiet down in the AM, we would. A normal person should react empathetically as its a reasonable ask, so hopefully theyre normal

Slothjitzu@reddit

What would you actually be able to do though? This person upstairs is just walking to the toilet, would you start levitating in the night instead?

Just be more concious of my steps I imagine, if its middle of the night I'd at least make the attempt to not be heavy footed compared to daytime.

I'm naturally quite a heavy footed person. At night I would purposefully walk more softly so as to make less noise

Just be more consious of my steps, if i didnt already, i would wear a pair of supressing shoes like crocs, if im rly worried about it id get a carpet. Im a people pleaser so the thoight of keeping someone up at night would kill me

Yeah it's fine. Don't use the words loud impact sounds though. Keep it polite and brief, like

"Hi, please could you walk round your flat at night a little quieter as I can hear your footsteps at 2-5am, many thanks Flat X"

I've put a note through my neighbours door a couple times and never had any issues.

Prudent-Pressure2146@reddit

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with leaving a note but what you’re describing sounds da perfectly acceptable. Walking to the loo in the middle of the night is pretty unavoidable

FutilePenguins@reddit

I used to live above someone and she wrote me 3 letters threatening Asbo's because my cats had the morning zoomies. I now live below a new set of neighbours and even though they make noise, I just live and let live, not my place to police what they do unless its causing absolute chaos in my life

SapphicStoner99@reddit

I have chronic illness that often leaves me needing the toilet in the night, often feeling like I'm gonna die on there. If i received a note about walking in my own home at night, especially to go to the toilet, I'd rip it up and think "get fucked buddy, wear headphones, buy a house not a flat". Saying that, I've not really lived in a flat, only stayed in overnight, it must be annoying for real but you can't go making complaints about walking, I've had neighbours do actually horrendous shit.. kick my gate in, shout homophobic slurs in front of kids, assault my girlfriend, hand parties until 4 am in the front and back garden all summer long. Just my perspective.

Flaky-Walrus7244@reddit

We have a neighbors Whatsapp chat to discuss things

when_music_hits@reddit

If using a sleep app didnt work and i felt compelled to write a note if i hadnt awwn them face to face....I'd be inclined to explain I have trouble sleeping etc and offer to buy a pair of slippers to soften the chances of them thinking I was a wrongun

BambiTheInsane@reddit

My neighbour's and I literally share cakes and food with each other. We BBQ together in our enormous communal garden. I think we're doing it right. Some folks just gotta get along.

Unusefulness01@reddit

If they are just walking to the toilet do you think there is much they are able to do about the level of noise they are making? I doubt they are purposely stomping around while half asleep in the middle of the night.

I live in a flat and have had a raft of different people above me. I've only gone to speak to the people above when it is something really within their control. Level of music/TV, slamming doors etc. When I was being woken up by their children crying in the middle of the night I did not as thats not within their control. Id class walking to the toilet in the same bracket.

Urbanyeti0@reddit

Just bare in mind that there’s 3 possible outcomes, actual confrontation, resolution, or escalation

Chances are they’re taking normal steps and it’s just not well insulated and when there’s no other sounds it seems louder

Molsterbeat@reddit

I think that's completely fair as you're just doing it as a polite FYI. I've never sent or received letters in my flat but everyone in the building is in a WhatsApp group so we just message each other directly if needs be. The walls are incredibly thin so we have to sometimes politely ask each other to turn the TV down or whatever!

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