Do you ever wish for a do-over?

Not really. Many if not most of my bad decisions are only bad because of external factors. Things like buying a house right before the 2008 crash, or graduating into a recession. Even my poor choice to work in the civil service due to life work balance is only poor because of a once in a century attack on civil service protections

The thing about different choices is that they come with different drawbacks. Unless you make a choice with zero redeeming benefits, like getting addicted to heroin, your choice will have costs and benefits. For example, I decided to build a family in my 20s, which I don’t regret, but by doing so gave up a lot of life experiences-that those who waited to have kids got to have. It would have been fun to travel the world, or be single in the city, but not as fulfilling as watching my kids grow.

OTOH, if I could get Biff’s book from Back to the Future 2, I’d totally do it different

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moistmonkeymerkin@reddit

Nope

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JoyfulRaver@reddit

I wish I would have learned to move the fuck on much sooner than I did. It really is that simple… pack it up and move on when that job, town, relationship causing me torment. “Hung in there” way too long for so many years in different situations. I find this to be the blessing of late 40s into early 50s… feeling the inevitability of time and how important my time on earth is. It’s way too valuable to hang in there for anything. I’ve learned to thrive instead by keeping it moving toward those situations that bring me peace and joy and I will never look back

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Moody_GenX@reddit

“Hung in there” way too long for so many years in different situations.

Meningitis at 10, not sure I could do much about that one. Spinal taps suck, trust me. If I could have gone to hospital sooner the recovery would have been easier.

Numerous broken bones from skiing, BMX and Moto 10 to 20. Both collar bones, both arms, both legs.

This is me.

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newwriter365@reddit

Every. Single. Fucking. Day.

I love my kids to the moon and back, but their father? His ASD nearly broke me. I stayed too long, and lost so much life.

The New Yorker had a really good article on this a few years ago. I go back and read this every once in a while. Long but worth a read:

What If You Could Do It All Over

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LaceyBloomers@reddit (OP)

Thanks for this.

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Quendor@reddit

I think about this almost every day and regret approximately 83% of the big decisions I've made in my life so far.

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567Anonymous@reddit

Thus far my life turned out way better than I expected based on how it started out, so no, no big regrets. More like I look back on my first couple decades and wonder how I survived them.

weirdinchicago@reddit

If it were possible to raise the devil and make a pact that allowed me to live my life over again, knowing what I know now I make that deal in an instant.

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Mysterious-Ruby@reddit

I think about it, but I don't think I'd do anything different. I shouldn't have gotten married but I did and I got my children out of it, and I wouldn't give them up for anything.

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Available_Wolf1059@reddit

Yeah there was no ADHD back then. Might’ve helped me pay better attention in school. I just deal with it now at 54. I also make the most of what I have. I have too many bills at this age but I’m thankful for our home and my kids. If we COULD make changes to our past you gotta remember it would change a lot of things. I’m happy with our 3 kids and relationship wise wouldn’t change anything because without the wife I have those kids don’t exist. Going on 30 years married.

Yeah I’d go back and raise my kids again in a heartbeat.. with more patience and less worrying about a super clean house!

I don’t think I did a bad job.. I’d just do it again and savour it more! In a heartbeat they aren’t little kids anymore..

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slacks196@reddit

This. On my mind all the time. It’s the only thing I tell new parents. Be patient. I wish I had more of it.

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BWWFC@reddit

use that analysis/thinking for NOW. improve your decisions going forward. don't dwell in the "wishing" because you cannot redo, but can learn. just keep moving forward and accept what is. peace.

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WaterwingsDavid@reddit

Yes, every day. Too much wasted time!

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sffood@reddit

Never. Not only is life pretty great for me (outside of the world being on fire), but going back to make different choices doesn’t guarantee me a BETTER outcome.

There are absolutely things I wish I did differently (like not getting married at 24, not having children, and various other life choices), and I’d love to peek at how things would have been, but not at the risk of losing what my life actually turned out to be.

You remember those books where you pick things and that determines the book’s ending? I used to go back and select different things to see the ending. I’d love to be able to do that with my life. It’d be fun, but if it’s a permanent thing — absolutely not.

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worstnameever2@reddit

I wish I would have taken high school more seriously and that I didnt drop out of college. At that time I was too cool for school and focused on my band.

Then, when I found out I was going to be a dad I wish I would have researched the trade school program I signed up for more.

On one hand my career choices have kept me stable. We've always had a roof over our heads and my kids have never been hungry a day in their life (which is very different than my childhood). But I dont make enough to help them pay for college. Unless something radical happens im not retiring before I die.

While I can appreciate i did better for my kids than my parents did for me I still feel like im letting them down.

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stuck_behind_a_truck@reddit

Cycle breaking is very hard to do. You haven’t let them down. You’ve changed their family tree.

There really is nothing wrong with the kids starting at community college, if college is their path, then going to a state school. College does not have to cost a fortune. And you do have to put on your own oxygen mask first - save for retirement and help your kids find affordable college options.

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LaceyBloomers@reddit (OP)

Right. You can borrow money for education but not for retirement.

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Subject-Direction628@reddit

Wish I’d fully cut off my parents. One is a narcissist. The other enables that.

Was on my own at 16. No drugs. Was good in school. Good grades. Had Luis that was undiagnosed then.

But I made it. Ish lol

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LaceyBloomers@reddit (OP)

Luis?

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Subject-Direction628@reddit

Lupus

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chickenella@reddit

Maybe Lupis?

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LaceyBloomers@reddit (OP)

Ah, I bet you’re right. Lupus.

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jsamuraij@reddit

gif

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LaceyBloomers@reddit (OP)

😂

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Subject-Direction628@reddit

Edit. Lupus

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Theoldquarryfoxhunt@reddit

I cut off the father at 17 and the mother at 31. Both complete narcissists who had NO business becoming parents. Like attracts like apparently and I got in the WRONG line when they were handing out parents. Best thing I ever did for myself.

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Multigrain_Migraine@reddit

All the damn time. My life is fine but I think it's just natural to think about what we could have done.

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MaenHoffiCoffi@reddit

All day, every day.

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Coffey2828@reddit

I have day dreamed about do overs but like winning the lottery, it probably wouldn’t end well.

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mmfn0403@reddit

Two things: I wish I’d never studied law. I ended up in a career I thoroughly hated and wasn’t very good at, so it damaged my self esteem. Secondly, I wish I’d never touched alcohol. I lost so many years as a functioning alcoholic, and there was a tremendous cost to my mental health. I’m sober five years now, and my mental health is improving every day.

I‘m sometimes very nostalgic but what helped me a lot with not having regrets is the fact that our desicions are not random. Meaning there‘s a heuristic in your thoughts that led to every decision that you ever made. In a sence the outcome was never free to vary. My go to example for me is when by best friend died when I was 18. The circumstances of the accident were maybe random/unlucky/whatever but every decision i made afterwards was not.

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Grendeltech@reddit

There's a lot of things I'd do differently if I had to go through it all again. Like. Everything. Just the same, I feel like I'm getting near the end of the game, and I really don't want to go back to the start 🫤

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Yes, absolutely. I have a similar what if.

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supershinythings@reddit

I’d love to go back and NOT waste so much time with the guy who claimed he wanted to marry me but “future-faked” me instead. I gave up a scholarship to be with him, only to figure out two years later just how full of crap he was.

I took a harder longer road through school and likely my career suffered for it, but I’m retired now so I made some far better decisions later I guess.

But I do wish I hadn’t bothered with that first boyfriend. A few years ago I googled him and discovered all kinds of sucky things about how his life progressed. I was afraid I’d regret that decision, but seeing how he turned out, I’m really glad I didn’t fall into that trap.

He did some really ick things - like, he sued his own grandfather. He lost the free and clear house his grandmother left to him, AND he failed to pay child support on the two children he fathered by a woman he also didn’t marry.

So it goes both ways.

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SteveIDP@reddit

It’s cruel that the best years of our lives are while we don’t know anything about anything.

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frozen_charlotte@reddit

I might have listened had somebody told me.

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Brysoloras@reddit

Exactly; "Youth is wasted on the young," etc...

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NevenderThready@reddit

Truer words were never spoken. I had a fine background but still stumbled from event to event, decision to decision, unable to gain clarity. Now, now I know how to make decisions, how to live as something other than a ball of frayed nerves and fear.

I often think about my choices and wish I made different ones. I wish I would have come out (MTF transgender) in my early 20s instead of my early 40s. If I did so I wouldn't have the children I have so that would suck but I would be in my 20+ years into my transition instead of 4 years. But if I did start transitioning in my 20s I probably would have not gotten married and went out whoring instead.

My life would be completely different.

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Thedustyfurcollector@reddit

I'm glad you get to be your true self, no matter when it happened. ✌️🖖

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MissBoofsAlot@reddit

I'm glad too. These last 4 years have been happier than my first 43.

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PreferenceExtra330@reddit

I think we all look back at the paths we choose and wonder what if.

In my 20s there's that incredible girl I did wrong and ruined what we had. There's that job I could've taken. That investment opportunity I missed out on. That first marriage that I knew in the back of my mind that I didn't want.

But, like that sunscreen song says - your choices are half-chance, so are everybody else's.

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baconcheeseburgarian@reddit

Future you was informing past you the entire time. You'll see what I mean in a thousand years.

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mbgameshw@reddit

All thoughts of a do-over went out the window when my son was born. Can’t turn back now. Love him.

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MrPrimalNumber@reddit

I hear that. No going back for me either.

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Finding_Way_@reddit

I would prioritize my health much sooner.

I am always more concerned about regretting NOT doing things than doing things.

So I’ve been living in Europe the last 20 years…. have two wonderful kids, great job, covered in tattoos…. divorced…..

None of those things on that list are things I’d have foreseen in my youth.

I say yes to nearly everything- wanna go sailing to Shetland? Yes. Some crazy hike? Yes. Out on a date? Yes.

If you weren’t ready for a relationship then, it would not have turned out well

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kent_eh@reddit

Do you ever wish for a do-over?

Maybe on one or 2 small events (like being completely oblivious to the fact that one girl was flirting with me) , but not on many major life changing things.

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Continent3@reddit

I think we all have moments in life where we wonder what would have happened if we did or didn’t do something. For better or worse, they shape who we are today. The important thing is if we are happy with who we are and if not what we do to change that.

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AussieGirl27@reddit

Yes, absolutely. There are about 5 big decisions that I a made in my life that I regularly think about and prophesize about how different my life would have been if I had of made a different choice.

hugatree2023@reddit

Overall, I wouldn’t change anything because I’m happy in my 50s with my spouse of 20+ years. Any changes I would make would be something about being smarter with money but even so I would want to miss the experiences I spent that money on. So I guess nothing!

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Lolly_mops@reddit

Totally would make better choices next time.

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forkmerunning@reddit

I often wonder how myself and my sister would have turned out if we had not been born to severely mentally ill drug addicts.

I'm 52 now, she's 54, neither of us has a retirement to look forward to, zero assets, paycheck to paycheck at best.

If it meant not having the parents I do now I wouldn’t even consider it. There’s so many things I’d do different, but I’m in a decent place in life, so even one change could mean I wouldn’t be here. Most of all I’ve had 2 friends, either one I would consider a best friend, die far too young. I’d do whatever I could to keep what happened to them from happening.

I told 'grownups' about the abuse and was ignored. To rewind that and go through it again, I would have to run away or somehow have evidence and go to the police instead of teachers and my parents. But it was the '70s. Who's gonna believe a little girl when her parents say that she's just looking for attention?

The only way I could rewind and do-over is to get myself to my aunt and for her to have custody of me: something she knows about now and really wishes she'd have known back then. She would have taken me in immediately, without question.

What I can say is: if I wanted a do-over, at what point would that happen at? Birth? Age 10? 20? Would I go back with the knowledge I have today? Or would it be erased? If it was erased, no fucking way do I want to re-live my life because I'd do the same thing, same choices, same events, right?

If I went back to the start with the knowledge I have today, I'd ditch my family very fast, but for what? Who's to say that where I'd end up wouldn't be even worse?

We are today, the products of our past. That's just life. Despite the shitty way I was raised, the abuse and neglect, despite that leading me to some very questionable choices and missing so many opportunities I didn't even realise were in front of me, it's who I am today.

There's no such thing as a perfect life. If we go back and do-over, there comes a point when we don't know the answers because we're on a new path, a different multiverse, if you will, so we'll make the same mistakes anyway because that's who we are.

BUT: Fuck YES, I'd love a do-over. The thought of it is enticing because I really wish I could see what I'd be like today if I'd managed to shed the toxic bullshit I grew up in. Even the neglect affects me to this day in health matters, so to eliminate that even?

donstermu@reddit

Not gonna lie. I was OBSESSED for years with the fantasy of how much better my life would be if I had just changed X; continued wrestling, focused on the weight loss, not got engaged at 18, etc.

I have several friends who went to North Texas State and have been successful professional musicians since graduating. I often wonder how it would've worked out for me if I'd gone.

As a child I loved automobiles as many little boys do. I drew cars all day every day , I played with matchbox cars almost exclusively, my 8th grade history teacher made fun of me when he caught me drawing cars during his class. In college where my father insisted I take business classes I did and in those classes I was bored silly, didn’t even understand what business classes were (as far as I knew it was to teach you how to run a business). I eventually graduated with a business degree and had no idea what to do with it.

If I were to get a do over I would have studied engineering or design with a focus on automobiles. Not sure where I would have gotten with it but I can tell you that getting my business degree was a huge waste of my life.

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rastan@reddit

Same here... My sister passed away at 19 when I was in my final year of high school... This meant that I repeated the final year with excellent results (no distractions from orig friends), propelling me into a degree and 30 years of desk jockey maths/model building.

If I didnt get the good mark and then uni degrees I would've been in sales - either cars or real estate - I'm confident I would've been much more financially successful and happier also.

I used to wonder about it sometimes, and drive myself crazy wishing I'd just done this or that differently, knowing what I know now. Then one day I had a crazy thought that maybe the life I'm currently living IS my do-over. Maybe in an alternate reality, I made a bad decision that negatively and irreparably altered my life, and the reason things have turned out as well as they have in THIS life, is because I got my do-over, and was able to avoid the bad alternate reality.

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blackstarr1996@reddit

I still dream about the love of my life, whom I pushed away and into the arms of someone else. For 30 years i have seen her regularly in my dreams. There have been all different types. In the past they were mostly just painful.

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NevenderThready@reddit

Same 10 years here, except September to September. I still can't see any way those years were anything but a waste of time, useless and pretty awful.

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Left_Connection_8476@reddit

Exactly! I'm so glad someone can relate.

Scout_66@reddit

The thing is, I had to walk the broken and twisted road that got me to this point to be able to look back and know what I’d do differently. I needed the wisdom and confidence I have now but didn’t back then to choose the different path. I think that’s the whole point, to learn and grow through the mistakes and stumbles. That said, it’s natural to wonder about the what if’s.

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IndianaSucksAzz@reddit

I love my life very much. I’m satisfied. There are many, many parts of my life I should have handled differently. But I don’t really spend anymore time thinking about it. It’s in the past and has absolutely no bearing on the present.

I genuinely would not want a do-over. Not because I have a fabulous life, but I just don’t spend a lot of time mentally in the past. It’s not healthy.

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gamespite@reddit

Only one do-over, really. I had the chance to invest in a family member's start-up about 10 years ago. My wife and I had just signed closing papers on our first house and were severely cash-poor for a few months, so we declined. The startup ended up selling seven years later and paying out a 100x return. If we'd been able to contribute $10,000 at the start, we'd be millionaires now. Truly terrible timing on that one.

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OwslyOwl@reddit

I have something like that, but on a much smaller scale. I wish I had gone in half/half to buy the empty lot next door to my house so that they wouldn't have torn down all the trees and put up a house. It only would have been about $25,000 each, but I didn't have that money at the time.

I have worked diligently to have regrets about what I have done, and not what I did not.

So, four marriages later…

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CompanyOther2608@reddit

Ha!

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LikeIsaidItsNothing@reddit

For what it's worth, OP, some would say that those dreams are not dreams but the two of you together on a different plane. And that he is seeking you and thinking of you as well.

Yes I know some if not most would dismiss that. But as it's been said, 'There are more things in heaven and earth..."

Folks, folks, try not to look back in regret. It’s a waste of powerful emotions. Work on where you are now and get excited for something in the future.

I know it sounds like fortune cookie crap, but I really truly believe it. I try to live in the moment as much as possible, be with people I love and plan trips, even small ones.

Stop making yourselves suffer. The clock is ticking. Enjoy whatever you can as much as you can. Go to a concert and get drunk. Go to the beach every chance you get. Treat yourself kindly. Time is way too fucking short.

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Significant-Sky9431@reddit

Yep, went thru too much. I was a young kid. Kind, Polite, but lived for everyone else.

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Willing_Freedom_1067@reddit

I will always have regrets, but considering that I was raised (more like neglected) by a raging narcissistic mother, I think I actually emerged as a (barely) functional human.

very much relate. very much.

Funny OP brings up relationships.

I can’t be the only one that could have had “something happen” as a teen but due to fear and inexperience missed the chance and I have always wondered “what if”.

Sometimes bullets are meant to be dodged so I don’t regret my decisions.

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LaceyBloomers@reddit (OP)

‘Sometimes bullets are meant to be dodged.’

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yearn_book@reddit

Jane Kaczmarek married her high school sweetheart after they reconnected 50 yrs later

Oh wow. I love that mantra.

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Continuum_Design@reddit

Yes. I’d have stood up for myself more, said no to working all the damn time, and said yes to an invite to play on the Legion baseball team. I’d have taken guitar lessons seriously and not drank so much. Mostly I’d make sure I had my moment so I wouldn’t spend my middle years so proud and yet so sad watching my kids shine in theirs.

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thirtyone-charlie@reddit

I have never been able to think much about it. I do still have a love for a girl that I thought I would marry some day. It’s a platonic feeling for sure. It is deep in my heart.

We are both long married now. She is doing well and that makes me happy. I am doing well and I’m grateful for all my blessings.

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brezhnervouz@reddit

As long as I can do over not bothering in the first place 🤷‍♂️

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LaceyBloomers@reddit (OP)

Oh no. I’m sorry you feel that way.

A line from NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN comes to mind that has helped me: “You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from.”

I don’t have relationship regrets bc most of them were train-wrecks. I love my wife of over 30 years and feel lucky to have her.

I worked out years ago,

Time travelling of any form would not help.

As if that thing didn’t happen, you would not know what you do now.

Yes it’s painful to do an injury, loose a loved one, make mistakes at work, join the wrong crowd, go to jail, whatever.

I have thought a million times to early hours of the morning so many ‘what if’s’

gif

Well damn...after all this time, you prob have a kid or two and a mortgage. Unless it is a dangerous or a cheating situation, dive in and get to working on the rest of your years together cause the grass is NOT greener out there at all!

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K-Dub59@reddit

I’ll be different here and say every day. Things are definitely not what I hoped for in the future when I was younger. Mostly because I made a lot of terrible decisions.

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No_Maintenance_9608@reddit

All the time.

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mari815@reddit

Yes I would love a do-over, I missed a lot of opportunities for love when younger, I also chose wrong career for me so would like a redo! Id also do finances differently and not have drank so much when younger.

LuceLeakey@reddit

My life is pretty good right now, but if I could go back and make some changes, I would. Especially if I could go back knowing what I know now. I could progress more quickly in my career, for example, and avoid some relationships that were less than stellar.

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HenryLoggins@reddit

Do over, no because I’m happy with how things turned out - but I do wonder what if I made different employment choices along the way. Just more curious as to the what if…

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Tough_Difference9935@reddit

All the time. I'm actually not in a bad place in my life now, and my kids are pretty good kids. But, I would never say no to a chance to do it again.

I was fortunate to have an epiphany early in life. Shit sucked and everything was stacked against me. I blamed everyone and realized as I walked through a parking lot that it was my life, I needed to make it mine. I needed to stop blaming others as I was old enough, 21 at the time and no one would help me so it was up to me to make it happen.

I’m stressed out, burnt to a crisp, but I have accomplished more than I thought I ever could. I became better than my dreams. I would never go back, I may not have made those choices that made me who I am today.

Was just coming here to say the same.

I haven't had a dream about a previous relationship since... last night. 😀

There are many moments I wish I could do over. Many of them romantic misfires. I was alone for a long time. Really struggled for years. But, to be honest, in the end I like who I am today - and I wouldn’t be this person without those struggles.

I eventually figured some things out, and managed to get married and start a family. I wouldn’t give up my wife and kids for the world.

truejabber@reddit

Not really. And I say this as I’m currently navigating one of the most difficult times in my life.

I could go down that hole, but to what purpose? We really don’t know that things would have gone better.

At one point in my early 30’s I was very close to buying a multi unit rental property with plans to expand over time. The numbers worked, and looking back they would have appreciated far quicker than I estimated. But I chickened out since I’d just started a family and it would have been tough going. Sure, I might be worth millions today. Or, a tenant falls down the stairs and sues my ass off. Who knows what would have happened?

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Electronic_Buy_5718@reddit

11.22.63 the book explores a lot of this!

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LaceyBloomers@reddit (OP)

Thanks for the recommendation!

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CryptographerOk3814@reddit

I spent all of my 40’s wishing I could go back; make different decisions.

But for some reason, now in my 50’s, I don’t spend a single second thinking about.

Weird.

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dafuqizzis@reddit

Fervently and with great passion. I daydream about different events in my life and how things might’ve turned out differently from that point on.

My marriage is the 2nd for both my wife and me. We met online because we lived almost 100 miles apart. There was an almost vanishingly small window of opportunity where we were both looking at the same time.

It's hard to imagine any meaningful change that wouldn't also have kept us from getting together, so no changes for me, please.

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FriendRaven1@reddit

I was seeing a psychiatrist once a week for about 2 months for some kind of problem I was having, though it wasn't bad.

The doctor wasn't making a diagnosis and seemed to be wasting my time so I stopped seeing him.

Just a few months later my bipolar started to really get out of hand. I didn't go back to the doctor.

So started 4 years of no diagnosis and no treatment for bipolar disorder.

Suicide attempts, misery, and absolute terror would have never have happened if I just kept seeing the damn psychiatrist.

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root_fifth_octave@reddit

Regrets, I’ve had a few.

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darktideDay1@reddit

But then again, too few to mention..

ADHD, being picked on, outcast, barely graduated, didn't attend college = NO COLLEGE DEBT trade school and a job i love that keeps me in shape.

singe income household with a stay-at-home, smokeshow wife, $105k Roth at 45, debt-free (minus $75k mortgage) all on a $65k/yr salary. I was making $26k in 2004 when I bought my first house, dropped to $10/hr in 2006 and slowly crawled back up to my current salary. hell... i was only making $15/hr in 2013!

Gosh, yes, and it’s so hard to not ruminate.

GeoHog713@reddit

I've thought through this.

It's always, "if I could go back, how far back should I go?".

Way way way too far

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ThisSaladTastesWeird@reddit

With my kids, yeah. I wish I had been a more patient, present parent when they were really small.

For me? Nah. Twists and turns and heartache and false starts but I like where I’ve ended up, all things considered. Could never have seen here from there. I’m good with it.

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