At 49 and struggling with malignant neoplasms I smile at what friends and coworkers say to me…

Posted by Humble_Diner32@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 13 comments

I was told today that “you mask it well” as I continue to work through intense, often crippling pain and fatigue from dealing with digestive system tumors aka neoplasms. I work for the USPS as a clerk and my days are now filled with standing and interacting with people 6hrs and 45mins of an 8hr workday. I’m often unable to talk loudly or without pain but I manage. My postmaster rails me for being slow and quiet, my supervisors try to scare me with productive demands but I smile and internalize it all. I was a grunt for airlines in Alaska, a verbal punching bag for restaurant patrons throughout college, and a feet-to-concrete mailman prior to moving into the window clerk role. I’ve seen good people, I’ve dealt with mean people, I’ve fought for my coworkers, my family, my friends, my country. All the while I’ve pushed my own problems aside, suppressed the depression, pain, and anger as much as possible when in public. I can go on about it but I’ll just end it with this reoccurring comment: “You mask it well…” I do take pride it that because it’s my opinion, or my belief, that everyone has their own life to work through so no one cares about mine. I got a civil servant job that involves social interaction, I’m not gonna burden anyone with my personal hurt, pain, etc. “You mask it well…” May be one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.

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Normal-Philosopher-8@reddit

I am so sorry this is the hand of cards you were dealt. Mine weren’t any better in the health department, and, like you, I’ve become quieter and more reclusive with age, because, as you say, even speaking sometimes is difficult and takes more energy you can’t spare. Like you, burdening others with my pain isn’t something I ever want to do.

So I want to say how awesome you are to “mask it well” and continue to be a pleasant person - 100% Customer Service doesn’t happen without skill and practice. Well done!

Happy-Bluejay-3849@reddit

Have you reported your disability to HR? You absolutely do not have to tell your supervisor or coworkers, but you do need to make HR aware. HR will then inform your supervisor that you need an accommodation. They cannot tell the supervisor what your medical condition is unless you allow it. Then if your supervisor harasses you again, report the incident to HR and your union. If the behavior continues, you can move to filing a complaint with other authorities.

You do not have to tolerate harassment at work, especially in government work.

IllAbbreviations4097@reddit

All you can do is make sure that your attitude is right for the moment.

SufficientOpening218@reddit

i wonder if your Dr could write a letter of accommodation that you get to use a stool to sit on when possible at your window? just a few moments sitting here and there as you ring up purchases or weigh things could make a huge difference.

I was at a store called Aldi when i was on a trip, and the cashiers had stools to sit on. it blew my mind. I guess its because its owned by a German company, and thats how they do in Europe.

Anyway, i have chronic pain, also, and i cant work anymore. I wish i could, though, somehow. disability isnt enough money

omibus@reddit

People don’t understand chronic illness. They understand getting sick for a while, then you get better or you die. This whole thing about being sick for years/decades just does not compute.

I’ve had long Covid for 3 years, daily pain, nervous system issues, migraines, dizziness, etc. The most common statement is “hasn’t your doctor fixed that yet?” (I have a team of them, none of them know what to do with me).

So same as you, I try to mask as well as I can, because I’m getting tired of re-explaining the problem.

Big_Message_7824@reddit

Same. 4+ years now. I’m 53. My daughter is 23 and has lived with this for 4 years as well. There is little understanding or attempts to understand, including from the medical community.

Bad enough I’m dealing with this, I can’t imagine my kids also having these issues. Granted, my youngest son suddenly came down with dysautonomia and keeps passing out.

It’s been heartbreaking. My daughter has dysautonomia as one of her long covid issues.

That_Skirt7522@reddit

Why aren’t you on some sort of accommodation related to your illness? Your manager shouldn’t be “railing” against you talked to the time it takes you to do your job if there is a verifiable medical condition that causes you to be “slow.” And I put slow in quotation marks because what is the objective standard for slow?

Humble_Diner32@reddit (OP)

It’s hurts her numbers. I balk at it since my customer service rating is nearly 100%.

Kate_Albey@reddit

But you’re a government employee. Isn’t this what FMLA was made for?? Screw your manager.

FMLA doesn’t stop management from insulting, harassing, “observing”, or belittling employees. I can use FMLA for appointments or other work related matters but it is just paperwork and doesn’t shut management up.

mentallyerotic@reddit

I know it’s easier said than done but you could probably file an EEO violation and retaliation if the keep it up after. I was told to file one and file grievances at work when the PM does clerk work or they asked me about the fmla and harassed me about appointments or my spouses illness. But I don’t want to be the only one filing because one is too scared and the other wants to promote.