What is your opinion on small talk, with a stranger?
Posted by imtiramisu2025@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 32 comments
Im more of an introvert but I love a positive and friendly interaction with a stranger. Ive always been too worried to be the one to speak first, but I now make the effort.
I have noticed though that its mainly your 60+ who want to talk. Im 33F and have stopped trying with people my age or younger because I just get blanked or looked at like im an alien.
Note! I do not live in a city just a quite town and its usually during a walk down the canal etc where I might speak to someone.
Jonny_Sidepin@reddit
Can you give some examples of openers you use to strike up conversations with randoms on the canal?
I walk down the canal all the time, quiet, countryside settings, if I ever come across people I always greet them, but I’m not sure how a convo would naturally occur, unless it’s with a narrowboater, then I tend to ask them about the boat…
Reoclassic@reddit
One time I was sat at the canal, a lady told me the sun shining on my hair is so reflective, that it looks like an angel's halo. So curiously I took a photo from the back, and it genuinely did haha. I looked like Alysa Liu a bit. It was such a unique compliment, so small, and so unexpected, I think about this a lot. Most conventionally attractive women hear things like that a lot, but I am not one of them, so it perks my mood up all the time.
Jonny_Sidepin@reddit
Ok I’ll make sure I keep an eye out for literal ANGELS when I’m next down the Leeds Liverpool!
imtiramisu2025@reddit (OP)
Sure, I dont force it if theres nothing to say. The has to be something for me to comment on and then i see how they react.
Examples The weather (very British i know) Ask about their dogs ( people love talking about their dogs) I often see people bird watching so I might ask what they have seen that day Give a compliment, nothing creepy I saw another mum and asked about her baby
Things like that
Asleep-Software-4160@reddit
I enjoy it but rarely initiate because I don't want to be a bother. But someone complimented my tan and how healthy I look today and it was really nice.
Reoclassic@reddit
That's such an interesting compliment, you know it must be fully true in intention because it's not something you'd hear every day
Equivalent_Half883@reddit
I am also an introvert. I hate small talk. I never know what to say lol
HiddenSynner@reddit
Just agree and reply, weather is.... Isn't it
HiddenSynner@reddit
I'm autistic without doing this I would not get to know anyone.
Psittacula2@reddit
*”The weather is interesting today, isn’t it?!”
*”Transport of goods by canal used to be cheaper than by carriage or cart…”*
*“What is the average velocity of the African Barn Swallow on its migration to Europe?”*
RelationshipLife6739@reddit
You meet and learn some pretty crazy shit. There’s this one small old guy with a crazy Mohawk around the pubs day and night regular drinker in Newcastle. One time a group of us were sat playing the spoons pub quiz and he was a table over so we got talking and he started helping us with all the answers like. We ended up winning the mad £15 voucher at the end in all!
mikec62x@reddit
I'm 60, and I love small talk.
gregd303@reddit
Miss it. I live abroad in a country where small talk is not really appreciated, so I really miss the UK's openness to talk to anyone.
Macrihanishautomatic@reddit
I’m from the Northeast so I’m quite happy to make small talk with a stranger. If I hear a southern accent I go out of my way to be militantly friendly just to prove how friendly we are.
imtiramisu2025@reddit (OP)
My husband is too and I think its because of him I decided to make the effort to speak to others. He has a way to get strangers talking. He said we should both be a Pollyanna!
Macrihanishautomatic@reddit
That’s really nice! I think it makes the world a slightly nicer place.
DollySheep32@reddit
I like an impromptu chat with an older person in a pub. If I'm somewhere where I have my headphones on then I'm not interested in a chat.
Delicious-Pop-7019@reddit
What sort of stuff would you say?
I mostly think small talk is pointless because we're both going our seperate ways in 5mins and i'm never gonna see you again.
For example I never understand people who overshare random stuff about themselves out of nowhere. Maybe you're in a hotel lift and they randomly come out with something like "We're just in the city for the weekend for my sister's birthday". Alright? I don't know her or you so that means nothing to me.
Maybe it's different if it's with a stranger you run into more often and you think there is a chance of actually getting to know them, like your neighbour or something.
imtiramisu2025@reddit (OP)
Ive replied on another comment with some examples.
Its hard to explain why the pointless as you call them interactions are nice. I guess they counteract the negative interactions and give you a bit of hope.
Also im lucky to have people to talk to should I need to but some people dont. That interaction might be the only person they speak to that day. We have a real loneliness problem and thats why I continue to make the effort especially with the elderly.
Particular_Pickle465@reddit
I don’t know about other people but for me a small positive interaction can make me feel good about myself and feel more confident.
Sea-Still5427@reddit
Have you ever thought about becoming a Samaritan or another helpline? You're halfway there already.
nickdaniels92@reddit
I remember when I was around your age and coming home late one night in London, I struck up a brief conversation with some guy at the bus stop and my German g/f admonished me and said she didn't feel comfortable with me doing that. The person seemed innocent enough though, and it was nice to exchange a few pleasantries with the person we were sharing the bus stop with. Mind you, this was 25 or so years ago, and now you might end up getting stabbed. I think people are becoming more insular, and the art of smalltalk might be dying out.
Hope you don't stop doing it. Taking portrait photographs of strangers is another rewarding pursuit, and on the whole, people are receptive to it.
MissCaldonia@reddit
I love it, it’s one of my favourite things really and I think it’s also location, I’m from a city where people do talk to each other, moved to London where it’s often too busy/ships that pass in the night sort of thing to chat much but it does happen, now I live out of London and people down here don’t do small talk and I hate it. They literally look at you like you are going to mug them if you even pass the time of day, I don’t get it at all! There’s nothing as uplifting to have an unexpected chat with a stranger.
tomvoxx@reddit
I could agree more. I moved from Glasgow to London where I discovered that my “try to help” attitude was treated as weird. If I saw a tourist looking at a map or the A-Z my first thought was to go up to them and say “where are you trying to get to? I can probably help.” Londoners apparently don’t do this. To me it was friendly small talk. To a Londoner it was an alien concept. Thankfully I have now escaped back to a civilised part of this country where talking to people isn’t seen as a form of deviance.
BeanOnAJourney@reddit
It depends on the person. If they're pleasant and level-headed then I really enjoy it but if they turn out to be a miserable racist old cunt then I would rather scoop my own eyeballs out with crusty spoon.
Max1357913@reddit
Tbh if I passed someone on a walk and they started talking to me I’d probably just be trying to work out how they knew me and where we’d met before (even if we in fact had not)
CarfireOnTheHighway@reddit
Can’t remember what book I read this in, but most people only get nervous and hate small talk because they’re not practiced at it. Like you said, a lot just don’t know how to start. In the book they did a study with people in taxis - half the study group didn’t want small talk, half the group did. The driver had a chat with them regardless.
All the people, even the ones in the first group felt better after the chat and were glad they had it.
No_real_beliefs@reddit
It helps pass the time but its a mine field. As soon as someone mentions what medication they’re on or starts expressing certain views regarding small boats, I make my excuses and run away
spoo4brains@reddit
Am in a similar introvert but likes to chat to strangers vibe myself, but as an older man, I likely would never initiate a chat to a younger female as it would come over as creepy. I don't do it often, but have had some good random chats in the past.
PurpleOctopus6789@reddit
I used to hate it when I had social anxiety. Once I dealt with that (literally by talking to strangers), i don't mind anymore. Honestly, I am a woman around your age who has hobbies that are typically male dominated and if they happen to have mostly women in there, there's distinct lack of women our age; it's always students or women over 50. If I get a chance of making friends with women of similar age, I'm happy to. And even if small talk doesn't lead to friendship, we had a chat, no big deal.
With time, I realised that small talk is just like a muscle. You train it and it becomes easier and you don't even think about it twice.
Ethan_brooks8225@reddit
I think it’s less about age and more about mindset. Older people grew up in a time where chatting to strangers was normal, while a lot of people our age are more guarded or glued to their phones. Personally I like small talk when it’s natural it’s a nice reminder we’re all human but I wouldn’t take it personally when people don’t respond, it says more about them than you.
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