How many of you didn't realize you were poor growing up until much later?

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reachers_toothbrush@reddit

I knew I was financially poor. I didn't know I was "parenting poor" until I grew up. I'm very resentful over the latter.

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I also grew up poor in rural MN—I often say if you have to grow up poor, it’s one of the best places in the country to do it. I got the same great public education as the “rich” kids (no other options), had access to the same food (only one grocery store), and the same activities (all through the school). Sure, we didn’t have the same clothes, cars, vacations, etc. but there’s only so much inequality that’s possible in rural blue states.

I live in the DFW area now and poor kids here have a completely different life, and not in a good way.

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allmykitlets@reddit

Rural poor and urban poor are very different.

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reachers_toothbrush@reddit

Rural poor have nicer scenery.

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onions-make-me-cry@reddit

I knew money was a concern, but my parents took us to Mexico a lot, and I always thought of Mexico as "the real poor".

I kind of figured it out in junior high when we moved to a tiny apartment (student housing) and I had to wear goodwill clothes and we ate beans and rice for a year.

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SimpleVegetable5715@reddit

I grew up blue collar poor, but I’d take that level of stability over this daily hell.

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tanhauser_gates_@reddit

Oh I knew from the jump. We were the poorest family in the best neighborhood.

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enginerdsean@reddit

Me. As an adult I recall sign after sign of how much I didn’t have, but never truly understood as a kid. My mom cut my hair, she made my own clothes, she literally had a coffee can for spare change to save for my sister and I for when we went on our vacation road trips so we could buy a shitty tee shirt or some other junk. I didn’t fly in an airplane until I was nearly graduated from high school. I put myself through college. So many other examples, but the ultimate realization was that two years after graduate school I was making more than my father was at that time after he spent 35 years at his municipal job (blue collar) and my mom was SAH. I had the best parents and the greatest upbringing!!!!! I am more resilient and appreciative because of that.

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bwd77@reddit

Oh I knew... Why I joined the army as fast as I could to get the fuck away.

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aogamerdude@reddit

Any branch of the military is good for that & more (at least it used to be), play your hand well enough & you could be set for life. If I could go back I'd tell myself to look at the Coast Guard, which I'd forgotten about for some years here in the midwest.

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CitizenChatt@reddit

Totally knew it when we didn't have hot water or heat in the winter.

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kobuta99@reddit

I knew we weren't well off, but never knew how poor we really were, especially in the very early years (to be fair, I would have only been no more than 5). Sent to public schools and many of us loved in the same public housing, so it just felt like meant of us were in the same boat.

I vaguely remember my parents being afraid to apply for food stamps because they hoped to bring family to the US one day and they thought any history of food assistance would have been a problem.

I knew we rarely bought new clothes and toys, and early too vacations like classmates. My 2 sisters and I were all crammed into 1 room. But I never knew how difficult it was for my parents until I was in my 20s and we had long moved out of housing. My parents talked about how my dad would bring leftovers from the restaurant where he worked to feed us, and this regularly supplemented our food for many years. I thought we were middle class. But it turns out we were far below that.

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thatotterone@reddit

it wasn't until I was ten that I realized it. Oddly, it wasn't until MUCH later that I realized how rich my childhood best friend was. I was nearing retirement age! Her family was so sweet and I just never realized how much they had. I knew they had more money, of course..but not that level. Her family was the first one I knew of having their very own computer back in 76 or 77. I was telling someone about that and a bunch of fun things we did and bam. it hit me. They were not only not poor.. they weren't middle class either

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saenzmom@reddit

Mom was a single parent of two. Food was an issue. She would buy cornflakes for breakfast then, when the generic came about, she would get all generic foods in the white labels with blue lettering — California thing? I still cannot eat breakfast til this day.

We also qualified free school lunches sometimes. Free lunch came with the tickets that were used to get your lunch; we got hell for being poor. I usually skipped breakfast all together so, my sister had enough to eat.

Our clothes were mostly hand me downs or goodwill. Shoes was another hardship. We wore them until toes broke through or soles gave way. Buying gym clothes was an issue at the start of the school year.

We never went to the doctor unless a bone was broken. First time I went to the dentist was during tech school in the USAF; bad teeth has carried throughout my adult years.

I started working an after school paying job at 15 to help out with bills.

Being poor was a reason why I chose military service and stuck it out 20 yrs. Thank you American taxpayers for my success.

No one should have to choose signing their lives away for healthcare, education and, stability. (JMO)

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Amidormi@reddit

Yeah when I was a kid you got an orange ticket that screamed "ha ha poor kid" to get your free lunch. I'd rather take whatever crap we had at home in a sack than go through that.

These days where I live, the kids have the same card no matter how the lunches get paid for.

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saenzmom@reddit

It was red for us. I am glad to hear that. I always send funds paying school lunch debt. America is cruel for the poor. Middle class is hard to reach.

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khumphreys2000@reddit

Me!! I didn’t realize the reason my mom froze and canned food all summer was because we were poor.

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nobody_smart@reddit

Well that's something I didn't even consider. My parents were frugal so I never felt "poor". But we gardened in back yard and even rented an extra plot for canning and freezing. And other than my family, I can't think of anyone who did that.

I just figured gardening was family tradition or something.

Heck, we earn $200k/ year and I grow a salad garden.

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khumphreys2000@reddit

That’s what I figured and it’s so much a part of who I am that my husband and I have a large garden every year.

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madeitmyself7@reddit

Oh no, we knew.

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docdeathray@reddit

My house growing up was a converted army barracks. We didn't have real carpet till I was 10 (before that was what we called mini-golf carpet).

We ate govt cheese in the big logs you had to cut youself.

My mother would hit the thrift stores and buy clothes by the trash bag size for a few dollars each. You didn't know what you got till you got home.

We "put our trust in Traxx at Kmart" since they couldn't afford upscale sneaker brands (Nike, Converse, Puma, Pony, etc.)

We bought our bikes from the used bike guy that had piles of them in his yard.

We didn't know bc everyone around us was dirt poor as well. We were hillbillies.

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genx54life@reddit

I remember Traxx! Can't remember how much they were though!

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docdeathray@reddit

They were definitely the bargain brand.

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genx54life@reddit

Oh yeah, for sure. I remember that was all my mom could afford, and me being me(a brat back then) i pitched a fit. I'm trying to remember how much clothing was in the 1970s, and I think those sneakers were $10 or $12.

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ClasslessKitty@reddit

Whenever I asked for a new bike I had to wait for my father to find one at someone's curb on garbage day. Also wearing my sister's hand me down shoes that didn't really fit left me with bumpy bent toes that will always remind me where I came from

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Tigrisrock@reddit

I kind of noticed at some point when other kids had really cool BMX or (later on) MTBs and I was still stuck with a simple 3 gear bike with a coaster brake. From my first summer holiday money I bought myself a used MTB - basically a fixer upper bike.

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LayerNo3634@reddit

I thought we were upper middle class because I didn't get free/reduced lunch. I thought mom made my lunch everyday because I was a picky eater. I had no idea we couldn't afford lunch. I was in college when I realized family was working class. Until then, I lived in our bubble and hadn't seen the way middle class lives.

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Jupitor66@reddit

I just knew it. Everyone else had a house we were in a one bedroom apartment

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midamerica@reddit

Sadly it wasn't hard to find out you are poor if you attended a public school. Kids can be cruel--especially rich ones when I was growing up and they made sure you knew you were different. 3 states, 3 new schools in 12 years and wasnt any different in any of them.

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Ih8TB12@reddit

Me and my sisters thought pancakes for dinner was a treat - later we realized it was the day before payday. Also had a few Christmas gifts that were given after the tax return. Grew up in Northwest PA so it made sense not to buy a bike until spring. We were blissfully unaware.

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NoUniqueNameNeeded@reddit

I knew we were poor. We lived in government housing, ate government cheese, only went to doctors who accepted medicaid, had free lunch, could never afford all the stuff 'needed' for school, cars that wouldn't always run, running out of gas.

For something out of my control, I felt true shame for getting a free lunch when I hit the 6th grade, but previous years there was no shame getting the same free lunch. Junior High was pure HELL. By the time High School hit, I didn't care any more.

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NoUniqueNameNeeded@reddit

As the late John Pinette stated...

We were poor. When we were kids, and, you know, we didn't know it. Heh. Really? Cause I was poor, and I was certain of it. And it really bothered me. After the fourth night of frank and beans, I would say, "Hey! We're poor!"

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Saint909@reddit

We were one of the poorest families in a nice neighborhood. I was constantly reminded of how much money my parents didn’t have.

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Vandilbg@reddit

My high school was crazy like that. The Richest neighborhoods and the Poorest in the entire city, together. You sure figured out which group you belonged in real fast.

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Saint909@reddit

For sure. I hated that feeling of being poor. It really influenced me to get outta there and start my life.

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teawbooks@reddit

This was me, only it wasn't my surrounding neighborhood, it was my much wealthier cousins. We were the "poor cousins".

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Expert-Jury-7634@reddit

Went to pick up and pay for shoes and my mom cut my hair until I was old like 10. I knew we were broke lol. Plus the trail park was a dead giveaway. Never went hungry though! Thanks mom! 🙏

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Dextropic@reddit

We weren't poor, but my friends' parents had money.

I got Megatron AND Optimus Prime for Christmas. My buddy got the USS Flagg. Another friend had a second fridge in the garage. Small differences.

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bondaroo@reddit

I had the opposite experience. My dad was in the Canadian military and we lived in military housing on a big base and went to a base school. Everyone's dads were a similar rank so made a similar salary, we all lived in the same sized rented houses, etc. My parents weren't into cars so we always had one modest, bought-used car, like most families. The difference is that my mom worked. But that income didn't "show", if that makes sense. My parents were also pretty frugal, and that probably helped.

I didn't realized how relatively well-off we must have been until I was an adult looking back.

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BerryLanky@reddit

Grew up in the country and everyone around us was poor do I had no clue. Once I got in middle school and did a stay over at a friend’s house I saw what having money was like. Nice house, best electronics.

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Savings-Baker-9083@reddit

I knew we were poor because my parents couldn't afford the popular things for me. They did their best but I got a knock off cabbage patch doll, knock off parachute pants and off brand shoes. No BK Knights or Ocean Pacific clothes for me. We shopped at goodwill A Lot. My dad hunted and we ate deer meat my whole childhood. Not because he loved hunting but because there was no meat if he didn't. BUT, it never really bothered me because they were Awesome, Kind, Loving parents who truly did their best and I knew that. Some of the kids who got the expensive things didn't have great home lives and I was very aware of that. I had a poor but blessed childhood.

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LuceLeakey@reddit

I always got knockoff toys and clothes too. It wasn't quite as bad as my cousin's family. They wouldn't get toys until the day after Christmas because their dad would shop the sales. Half the time the toys were broken or missing pieces. 😢

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DramaticErraticism@reddit

Same boat, I figured it out around 7-8 years old, when I couldn't get the same stuff the other kids at school had.

We had a house though, I knew we didn't have a lot of money, but I guess I didn't think we were truly 'poor', just didn't have much extra.

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LuceLeakey@reddit

There were 8 kids in my family and only my dad worked, so I always knew we were poor.

We kept an extensive garden for vegetables. Mom did a lot of canning. We picked a lot of wild berries and went fishing often. She also cut our hair (badly) and made some of our clothing.

I didn't have a pair of Levi's until i bought them myself with babysitting money.

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Amaranth504@reddit

We also had a huge garden. My brother and I were allowed to choose something extra special to grow each year. It was fun and distracted from the fact that we were poor. This was in the 80s - between 1988-1990, my dad went back to school, 2.5 hours away from where we lived. So we had a weekend dad for 3 years. I don't know how my mom did it - she worked for a halfway home for mentally challenged patients (has her Masters in social work) and was on call 24 hrs making like $17K/year.

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LuceLeakey@reddit

Wow! Even back then that wasn't very much money. Social workers deserve at least 10 times what they make.

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commandbasketball@reddit

I think it was always kind of in the back of my mind because I only wore my older sister's hand me down clothes. I think I just ignored it. This is probably why I have a shopping problem now lol

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trueLOVElost4ever@reddit

My hand made downs came from the neighbors... I had a batch of brothers... Back then, girls were required to wear dresses to school.. So the boy hand me downs only went from brother to brother...

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commandbasketball@reddit

I think I got a few things from a neighbor girl too. She was 1 year older than me. I do remember getting a jacket from her

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formercotsachick@reddit

I knew we were poor because we didn't live in a house or have a car like other families I knew. I wasn't allowed to have a pet. My dad also mentioned it every time I wanted something for as long as I can remember, so I could hardly not notice.

I too broke the cycle - went to college (first in my family) and put a lot of effort into my career after graduation. I'm very well off compared to a great many people these days. We have a house, cars, savings for retirement, and enough spare cash to travel and do fun things without going into credit card debt.

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Roseliberry@reddit

I knew I was poor. We lived out of a car one summer.

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knitty_kitty_knitz@reddit

I definitely knew by the time I was in high school. We were quite poor when my mom was between men. Food stamps, welfare, etc. but in high school you see the Firenze sweaters and Guess jeans and it’s a stretch to get those even with two jobs. I paid for my own braces, a college prep program, food, and anything else I might need. My mom gave me a room to live in and maybe some breakfast cereal and milk.

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jarhead3088@reddit

It was normal for me. I didnt even know..I was a kid just trying to be a kid

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Firm_Baseball_37@reddit

Nobody knows they're poor. Nobody knows they're rich. Or at least very few, in either case.

Whatever your childhood was like, that was "normal." For you. You lacked perspective to recognize it as anything else.

Same here.

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brzrkr76@reddit

I liked the cheese. I didn’t like taking the bus with a months worth of food all the way home. Doing laundry in the sink. Never went to a BBQ until i was 18. I never realized I was the poor kid. I had fun playing in abandoned buildings. Playing tag in playgrounds. Finding old baseballs near diamonds and just playing pickups baseball. I never ever thought i was poor until i got to high school. That’s when others made comments. It was quite devastating.

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DocDerry@reddit

My parents were blue collar. I thought we were poorer growing up than we actually were. First on the block with a nintendo. Had the GI Joe USS Flag aircraft carrier.

I think the biggest reason my brothers and I felt "poor" is we didn't have Jordans or high end stupid name brand clothing. After having kids of my own I reinforced that don't over pay for shit clothing just because of name brands. While also reinforcing - if its a durable quality product to spend the cash.

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kent_eh@reddit

I didn't know until much later in life just how many times were were only one bounced cheque away from literally losing the farm.

My parents kept all of their finances well hidden from my brother and I.

Though we could see just how stressed Dad was at tax time when he had the kitchen table full of random looking stacks of paper.

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Empty_Nestor@reddit

I never truly understood how close to ruin we were when I was young. My dad seemed to get laid off every year and he’d go months without a job, but they always seemed able to make ends meet on my mom’s income and unemployment benefits. Then, as an adult, I learned that, with mortgage rates at 17%, we were always on the razor’s edge of losing our house.

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shakespeareanon@reddit

After my father left and we had our electricity shut off and ate pb&j sandwiches for a week, I figured it out.

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Witty_Ad4494@reddit

The way I look at it, I was well fed, had a roof over my head, a warm bed and a mom and dad who loved me. I was rich!! Didn't really realize we weren't well off financially until I was grown.

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Impulsespeed37@reddit

OP - we could be siblings. Welfare/food-stamps and government cheese. Grew up in small town northern MN. To be fair - I did have a cooler childhood than some of my peers. As a teenager I could pretty much do whatever I wanted. I just didn’t have any $$ to do anything. I did go hungry a couple of times but not as bad as others. The Army helped me get to university and I allegedly have done better than what I started with. Some of being poor was that mom started drinking heavily and divorced. Dad was lost in his own world and wasn’t interested in ensuring that his children were safe and fed. He was inclined to complain about spending any money that was not being spent on his ideas.

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classicsat@reddit

I didn't know we had to be one thing or the other, or somewhere along that scale between the two.

I at least had a roof, food, clothes.

We didn't go on a typical vacation. Maybe a day trip afar a bit here and there, nothing the typical two weeks or so.

For the most part, our cars were at least a decade old, and bought in a state they needed a bit of repair work to be at least road legal.

We got a new TV once, as a kid. I rented one for a bit, and bought a few only since the LCD era. But I could make junk CRT TVs of any era, work adequately for me. Maybe except old 1950s ones. Same for stereos.

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Bookem25@reddit

Sophomore in hs. Saw my mom pay for food with looked to be Monopoly money. You would’ve thought it was the living in motels or family members but was told application for apartment was taking time.

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overmonk@reddit

We were academic-poor. My dad earned a salary from a university that was enough but not really. Mom started doing editing work and spun it into a business. Dad's job was prestigious so he was respected and that was important to him.

We never starved and we didn't get (or require) government assistance. We didn't get sweets or soda; orange juice was about as good as it got (frozen from concentrate). Peanut butter. We never ate out. We never got fast food or biscuits or chicken or McDonald's.

Honestly, if I'd had no friends to offer context, I didn't mind it. I was oblivious for sure until I was at least 10. But when birthdays and seasonal gift-giving holidays rolled around, I was gobsmacked at what my friends received - go carts, guitars, colecovision, air rifles. Fortunately, like all good friends, everyone shared.

My folks did a great job and I love them deeply and miss my dad all the time. I never lacked for a thing I needed, and honestly, I got a lot of what I wanted, in one way or another.

Now? I think I'll be ok. Actually, I suspect I might get fired, but that's ok, too.

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Kuildeous@reddit

I was fake poor. Meaning that my mom convinced me that we were poor, so while I didn't grow up with government cheese, we lived with very little expenses. Turned out my mom was just miserly--which she learned from her Depression-era parents.

I like to think this was something positive I took from my mother though. My own miserly spending has allowed us to retired before age 55. When my mother died, we inherited about a quarter of a million dollars, which doesn't seem like a lot for a senior to have, but she easily could've made that last through her 90s if she had lived that long.

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texasdiver@reddit

Nah, I knew pretty early on. When you go to your friend’s houses and they always have a working phone, electricity and hot water, you know something’s up. In my case, two teacher family, and mom had MS. The medical bills wrecked us.

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Opposite-Mushroom940@reddit

Poor farm kid, which isn’t even a thing anymore I don’t think. Went hunting and shoot some squirrels? That’s dinner. Or a deer, or whatever. I didn’t eat a beef steak until in my late teens. Hunted or butchered or meat and had a monster garden.

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MightyCaseyStruckOut@reddit

Damn, you were poor poor.

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SilverAgeSurfer@reddit

I had an idea when we were standing in line for government cheese. My dad worked 2 jobs to support the family. Never heard him complain, that's where my work ethic comes from. Suck it up buttercup, let's get er done.

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Ok_Bug_5224@reddit

That government cheese was definitely enlightening! I remember being embarrassed standing in the line with my mom at a community center for that cheese (it made great Mac and cheese). Also waiting in a very long line, like all day, to get heating assistance. I'm not sure there was any money left for us, actually. It was disheartening.

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Bot_No_5@reddit

lol we knew

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balthisar@reddit

I wouldn't say much later, but by intermediate school (what they seem to call "middle school" these days) I knew that we were poor. It wasn't really until then that I realized we had to wait for food stamps in the mail, for example.

School was a great mixer, though, so it didn't really make me feel poor. One of my friends literally lived in a mansion on Lake Huron, for example (doctors run in that family). Another friend wore the same jeans to school all week. Some played hockey, some could only play basketball.

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Knight_thrasher@reddit

I don’t think I was poor, I think my step dad was an asshole and didn’t provide anything more than the basics

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Ok_Bug_5224@reddit

I knew it when kids made fun of my clothes. I had two tops and two pairs of pants, and they were the same, just different colors. My one pair of shoes came from the flea market.

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Fearless_Media4198@reddit

Government cheese.

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Katiecake80@reddit

Living with my mother I knew we were poor AF!! We lived in public housing (one of the few white kids there). My father’s home was not opposite, but he owned a home and was much more comfortable. It was also way more stable.

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Odd_Yogurtcloset_649@reddit

You sound so much like my high school friend and classmate. She had lived with her (single) mom and sister in public housing. She never showed how poor she was, as she always looked and dressed like a teen model. She was captain of the football cheerleaders our senior year. She actually worked her way out of that hardship after graduating college and landed some very good jobs. She got married to her college sweetheart, had three young sons, and lived in a very big house out in the suburbs. But tragically I recently learned she passed away in her home two years ago likely due to heart failure. Life is so unfair.

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Katiecake80@reddit

I am so sorry to hear about that. I dressed like a normal teen. I loved wearing my older brother’s hoodies and stuff. I was very much a tom boy (I only had brothers growing up since my half sisters were already out of the house). I own a small business now, cut ties with that part of my DNA since they are very toxic. Don’t own a home, no children, but hubby and I are comfortable. ☺️

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Prestigious-Thing716@reddit

We have rent assistance and free lunch so I was aware. But just recently I was listening to a podcast where the speaker said she received Perkins loans for college which were only given to the poor. (They don’t exist anymore). I had Perkins loans and had no idea only the poor got them.

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stuck_behind_a_truck@reddit

Oh I knew it. And it was because my mom refused to keep a stable job. She basically failed California’s current minimal neglect standard of Minimally Adequate Care by active choice. When my appendix burst and hospital social workers got to her, because the neglect was that obvious even by 80s standards, suddenly it was magically possible to keep a job! But then she kept herself unemployed while I was in college so that had to work full time while attending school full time. She also tried to declare me as a dependent at that time. No siree Bob.

Spite got me through and I admit, I showed up my mom in every way possible and she is fully aware of it.

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Worldly_Possible2925@reddit

I was in my mid teens. I asked my mother while we were having my sister and her kids over for a visit. Why don’t we ever have oxtail packet soup and homemade rice pudding for dinner anymore. We used to have that all the time when I was a kid. I really miss it. She burst into tears and my older sister comforted her and told me to get out. I genuinely had no idea.

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chopper5150@reddit

Free lunch at school kinda gave it away.

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GoddessNya@reddit

I knew we were poor. My dad had me get clothes out of the donation bin before the charity would pick it up. I didn’t see a dentist until I was in my teens, after my parent’s divorce. Once my parents got divorced, 4 of us lived in a bedroom in my aunts house for 6 months. Then we moved into a one bedroom apartment, converting a screened in porch into a bedroom. There were days food ran short and I would skip eating so my brothers could eat. Mom was able to eat at work.

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IPlitigatrix@reddit

My parents were asylees, who at that time did not speak English at all. So even with a work permit, the job options were very limited. My dad did mostly day labor and migrant labor given the season, and my mom cleaned houses and worked as a dishwasher in a restaurant. We lived in an SRO with no AC in a sketch neighborhood and ate a lot of rice and beans, we had enough food, but a lot of the good stuff was stuff left over from the restaurant she worked at that was otherwise going to be thrown away. They are from a communist country, so they wouldn't even think to use anything like government benefits although I sure we would have qualified for something, sigh. So I knew we were poor, but I didn't feel poor and have fond memories of my childhood - my parents are awesome people and were somehow nearly always in a good mood/cheerful. And our neighborhood was close-knit, so I got most of my clothes as hand-me-downs that were actually not bad. I guess you could say I "broke the cycle" because I am wealthy by any definition of the word.

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naomi638@reddit

My mom just admitted to me recently that we were very close to being homeless. Someone at our church rented us a house for a very small amount of money. I knew we were poor, but I had no idea it was that bad.

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optimal-gold976@reddit

I didn’t realize it until we moved to the Silicon Valley of the east coast. Kids at my school were getting brand new BMWs, Hummers, Corvettes for their 16th birthday. They all lived in mc mansions and we had a 2 bedroom 1 bathroom townhouse where my brother and I shared a 9’x10’ room. Other kids were discussing the fashionable clothes they wore, I had my cousins hand me down jeans that were way too big, thus, looked in style. They went to hair stylists, I had some clippers and gave myself a buzz cut. They interned at daddies AOL or government agency job to make contacts for later in life. I worked at the locally owned gas station starting at 14 to help pay the bills. They discussed college acceptance letters, I was at the recruiting office signing up for delayed military service so I wouldn’t be a burden on my parents anymore after graduation.

When we lived in the Pittsburgh suburbs everyone seemed to be on a similar playing field and we all helped and enjoyed our community. When we moved to Ashburn, VA I learned there was definitely a class system in this country and I wasn’t allowed to step out of the one I was placed in.

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Upset-Set-8974@reddit

I’ve never liked Ashburn either, very snotty area with rude people.

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No_Ability1548@reddit

This hits hard.

"I learned there was definitely a class system in this country and I wasn’t allowed to step out of the one I was placed in."

I think this is one of the truths our American myths really don't like to acknowledge- and for good reason. Too many people would lose their minds and wreak havoc if they saw this too early, threatening those who are comfortably entrenched by it.

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HereInTheCut@reddit

I figured out we were poor when our power got periodically cut off throughout my childhood and I never got to see a dentist. Unsurprisingly, the latter caused a lot of problems later.

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IslandGyrl2@reddit

Oh, no -- I was not raised in a country song, where the family was so happy that the kids didn't realize they were poor. No, I knew we were poor. I understood stuffing cardboard in my shoes, I saw my mom divide 3-kids' worth of antibiotics between 5 sick kids, I knew not to ask for new pants, even though mine were above my ankles. I understood it was shameful that we used food stamps at the grocery store.

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Wooden_Gift3489@reddit

I grew up in a pretty poor area. Lots of immigrants and government housing. My Dad was a school teacher and my mom was a stay at home mom. Compared to most of my friends families my parents were 'loaded'. We drove to my Grandmas for 'Vacation'. My sister and I had our own rooms. My mom cooked from scratch every night and packed us lunches for school every day. We had two cars and a beater my sister and I shared when we turned 16. It wasn't until I got to college that I figured out that not only were we not loaded, things were pretty tight compared to the average student in my college. My upbringing was a blessing. It taught me to value things, to save, to be frugal and to appreciate what I had. I took my first job out of college making twice what my Dad with with 35 years of teaching under his belt. While lots of professional colleagues have opted for flash, I have saved and invested and will retire when I'm 55 being able to live the same life I always have indefinitely.

I worry about my own son. He's grown up with 'too much'. He doesn't know what it's like to want. He doesn't work hard to position himself for the rest of his life. He was born on easy street and he thinks it won't take much effort to keep him there. I am hoping getting to college will shift his perspective.

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greetcloud@reddit

When he has to budget for himself and live on what he earns, he'll understand. It can help now to talk about things like how impossible it is to work a full time job as a low-paid worker and afford rent for even a studio apartment. You can look up various salaries and apartment rents in your area and discuss them with your son.

Your son will figure things out. Most people do.

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PomegranatePlus6526@reddit

I can empathize with you about your son. While I don’t have children my BIL/SIL have twin nine year olds. Unfortunately they live way beyond their means. The kids can’t understand why I drive a 20 year old car. I have told them a few times they don’t know what real life is like. They have never had to struggle, and I fear when they get into the real world they will be in for a rude awakening. Unfortunately the parents don’t discipline them at all. My wife and I won’t babysit because the kids just do whatever they want. It’s so stressful watching them because everything becomes a melt down when I say no. Every babysitter they find quits shortly after starting. The kids have gotten a little better, but we still only just visit for holidays. Sadly we only live 5 miles apart.

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Maja_Bean@reddit

When I was young, We use to fast for a week out of every month for religious reasons. Turns out we ran out of food and it had nothing to do with religion. Mom told us to pray and focus on God during this time. Little did we know, she was waiting on food stamps. 😂. As a kid, I bought into it and tried to be a faithful child of God, drinking only water.

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le4t@reddit

A week?! That's a long time for a growing body.

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Maja_Bean@reddit

After day 3 you stop craving food. I use to tell myself to make it to day 3. I was very young and this went on for years. Around age 10, things got better for mom and we didn’t have to fast anymore. Every thanksgiving a charity/church would leave a box of food on our porch. We would be so happy you would have thought we won the lottery. Included a free turkey too. Mom was a great cook and we would eat until we couldn’t stand. Everyone was always happy on thanksgiving day because of that free box of food.

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baconcheeseburgarian@reddit

When a friend from class invited me to go to Catalina...on his yacht.

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scully360@reddit

Couple of things. We were a camping family. Wasn't until I was older that I realized we only did this because my folks couldn't afford a more "fancy" vacation. Lots of my friends were going to the Epcot Center, etc. We went to a campground in New Hampshire.

Second, when I was in the "roaming the neighborhood on our BMX bikes" phase with my friend's group, they had Diamondback and Redlines. I had a Schwinn from Kmart. My Dad tried to compensate my painting it red, apparently believing it would "fool" people into thinking I had a Redline. I was terribly embarrassed at the time but man, looking back, do I respect and love my folks. They tried so hard with no little and never complained.

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PiccadillySquares@reddit

We camped in New Hampshire. Now we live here and life is pretty damn good 😊

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scully360@reddit

My parents still live there. I was just back there this past January.

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PiccadillySquares@reddit

3" of snow on the ground this morning!

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scully360@reddit

Yes, my mother texted me this morning griping about it! LOL

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Deep-Attorney1781@reddit

I realized it when I got to high school. In elementary and middle school, I was with kids from my own neighborhood so everyone was in the same boat (not a lot of money). Then I went to a high school in a different neighborhood that had wealthier kids who wore Guess jeans and got manicures every week. One girl got a brand new IROC-Z for her 16th birthday, while we're strictly a 1 car (used) household.

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adultswim42@reddit

Not poor but definitely lower middle class. I never realized it until a few months ago. Watching TikTok’s and saw one about ‘struggle meals’…realized we had a bunch of them.

Christmas morning I sent a text to my parents, telling them I realized it now but never then, and that was thanks to them. I’m lucky to still have them around.

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BMisterGenX@reddit

I think it also it was a cultural thing that a lot of "struggle meal" type of food was fairly popular in the 70s and early 80s even among people who weren't doing them out of necessity. I think they fell out of popularity in the 50s but they made a comeback.

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Sand_Aggravating@reddit

Oh no i was very aware back then

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BMisterGenX@reddit

This discussion made me realize something. Were demographics different in the 70s and 80s and because I feel like it was A LOT more common for people of different economic status to live in the same area or very close to each other. Like I was poor but there were people living in my neighborhood who were even poorer and very middle class people and wealthy people lived not so far. My school district included areas that were extrememly rich so I went to school with kids who were like movie star type of rich.

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ancientastronaut2@reddit

I kinda had the opposite experience. My dad grew up very poor but became very successful. However, he didn't believe in living a flashy lifestyle at all. So we lived in a modest home and they had modest cars they drove til they broke down before they bought a new one. He refused to let my mother buy me designer jeans when that was all the rage. On my 15th bday, he asked when I was getting a job, so I got one.

I was well into adulthood when I found out they were actually well off, but he had it all in savings and investments. There was many times I couldn't make rent but was too scared to ask for help, because he raised us not to ask for handouts.

I realize now I'm fortunate, but also a little resentful.

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Trike117@reddit

Sounds like he was compensating for not having enough as a kid by squirreling it away. I’ve seen this a lot with my parents’ generation who grew up during the Great Depression and WWII. Frugal thrifting, freezers full of food “just in case”, that sort of thing.

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Why-did-i-reas-this@reddit

I’m the same. I grew up with enough food and my own room. My dad sacrificed a lot but what saved me was my paper route that I got at 12. One of the best routes in the city. That allowed me to get stuff my dad couldn’t buy me and I helped out with expenses where I could. Wish I contributed more knowing what I know now but he was very proud and probably wouldn’t have accepted anyway. But i did wear my shoes and clothes out because I didn’t really want to spend money on that kind of stuff. Holes in the sides of my shoe AND the tip of my shoes.

I think it really affected me because I now have drawers of brand new clothes that I don’t wear because I don’t want to ruin them or wear them out. I wear my old ones until they are beyond holey. I will break out a few of the new items for vacations but then put them nicely away again. It’s funny because my wife asks me where I got all the new clothes and I tell her they’ve been in my closet forever.

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Trike117@reddit

Same. It took me until I was in my 50s to own more than one pair of jeans and one pair of sneakers. I was looking at photos for our 20th anniversary and I’m wearing the same clothes in almost all of those pictures. We really do internalize those lessons.

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Miguelitosd@reddit

Yeah, my grandfather who grew up in the depression and fought in WWII was very much like this. He served a full 20 years in the Navy, so any time it was finally time to buy something like a new TV (after the previous one finally was just not worth fixing anymore, and like 20 years old), it was off to the Navy Exchange to see if they had one as he'd at least save due to no sales tax. Even then, he'd still agonize on whether he really needed a new one, or one that expensive.

I'll never forget the old TV they did have, that, for years would do this weird glitch/blip thing randomly, and every time if you tapped the top of it. But no way he was going to buy a new one when this one still worked well enough. Until it finally just completely died.

He also would DIY pretty much every single thing around the house until he got old enough that he just couldn't do it all anymore. He was always busy working on something in his garage and I'd often help as a kid. Since we lived on the corner of a block and they were across the street and the corner on the other end, it meant I got stuck "helping" a lot as a kid. Mostly hated it at the time, now I know it was good to spend a lot of time with them both.

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Present_Type6881@reddit

I had a similar problem. My mom constantly fretted about money, so I spent my childhood worrying that we were really struggling and on the edge of losing our house or going bankrupt or something.

Only recently, I found out we were actually fine (not rich, but ok), and it was just my mom's anxiety combined with her inability to not tell her kids TMI about everything she's constantly anxious about.

I probably would have had a happier childhood if we were actually poor, but my parents sheltered me from it, or at least waited until I was older.

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BMisterGenX@reddit

Yeah I never realized it until later mostly because it was a lot easier to get by on less back then. Food and even entertainment wasn't as expensive. I almost never felt like I lacked anything and I was never hungry. Anything I wanted that I didn't get just seemed like a normal part of life not deprivation. Like NOBODY gets everything they want. I had some friends who were very rich but I never compared myself to them because I KNEW they were rich and comparing myself to them just seemed unrealistic.

The only time I was jealous was when a lot of my friends started getting cars and I didn't get one for like another year and half

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missblissful70@reddit

I have been so lucky to have never gone hungry. With 8 siblings, there was never enough money. But I was the youngest so most of them moved out before I was 5.

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SpringtimeLilies7@reddit

I was the opposite..one parent claimed we didn't have much $, turned out the income was plenty, just there wasn't budgeting and frivolous spending (for that parent) came first..we were never lacking in food, but clothes were handled me downs/unstylish, and there were some toys, but not much (although birthdays were reasonable) .

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BraveG365@reddit

I remember that in middle school and high school if you couldn't afford to wear Ralph Lauren clothing on a daily basis then you were considered poor by the other students.

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Heavymetal73@reddit

I remember wearing knights of the round table in jr high. Kind of a knock off polo. Had a knight with a lance. Not a rider with polo stick.

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BraveG365@reddit

Yeh I remember that brand.

In high school there were a few ....as we called them....Polo monitors who if they thought you were wearing knock offs they would check the tag.

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Ammortalz@reddit

I knew because my much older sisters happened to marry rich brothers, so I was a poor kid in high school with my nieces and nephews who were cheerleader and golf team types.

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krybaebee@reddit

That sounds like a miserable experience. Were your older siblings good to you?

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Ammortalz@reddit

The nieces and nephews were very decent. It was one of my sisters who was the real asshole. I was never anything but an embarrassment to her.

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Imyourhuckl3berry@reddit

So not welfare poor but my parents did everything they could to seem better off then they actually were, and curated a fake image of “stealth wealth” with a few showy items to put off the image of doing well

Their relationship was a disaster so I disengaged and it wasn’t until much later that I realized everything they said was BS - I do think my mother believed the hype but my father knew all along it was all a sham.

I always think life would have been better/more honest if we all just were at one with the reality of their situation vs them trying to pretend they were something they weren’t

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Familiar-Estate-4895@reddit

I still don’t realise it. grew up in urban flat sharing a bedroom, neither parent had jobs. sometimes waiting at home till late at night for parent to come home with food. I know they had to do compromising things to feed us. BUT then in my late teens they got lucky with a business idea and now live in this grand house and never speak of the poor days. even around new friends they act like they always lived like that. I’m grateful but they also treat me like I grew up like that and are confused why I never ended up in a profession and live frugally. very strange.

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International-Ant174@reddit

When I was 4 I assumed everyone lived in a 30 year old single-wide with a rotted out floor. Mom put in the work, got a 2 year degree and a good job with the state to get us off welfare. By 10, she was able to get a mortgage to an actual house (basement and everything). Until I was around 12, "school shopping" was at Salvation Army or Goodwill. There was never anything "new" tech-wise, and all toys were repurposed from cousins. By the time I graduated high school, I was able to get into college, but I had to pay my own way as we were now "not poor enough" ironically.

I probably realized we were poor when I was 9 and we were living in multi-unit subsidized housing. I made a friend through school who happened to live about a half mile away. Going to his house really opened my eyes (his father was an MD) and walking into their home to a double staircase in the foyer. Never seen anything like that IRL. This kid was like Richie Rich!

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fridayimatwork@reddit

💯 I never went hungry or anything and thought I was middle class but just grew up in an extremely poor area and was slightly better off. I never fully realized this til I moved to dc suburbs and would get stared at that I didn’t go to Europe til I was 40 or whatever. One of my friends sums it up as “oh you didn’t have your own tennis coach growing up?” I always make fun of my husband for going to a rich public high school because they had tennis and swim teams.

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TheHoodieConnoisseur@reddit

I started realizing in about 3rd grade when one of the Mean Girls began making fun of my clothes and the fact that I kept wearing the same thing over & over. Got worse a couple years later when everyone figured out that living in a trailer meant poor.

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ExtremeCod2999@reddit

My dad used to tell a story about my uncle (who became a Catholic priest) throwing a raging party in my mom and dads trailer the night I was born, while they were at the hospital. Never really thought much about it, even after hearing the story dozens of times. A couple years ago while we were back for Xmas, we were driving around town with my dad, and he was pointing out random houses and telling us stories about who lived there, when we passed a scurvy trailer park on the edge of town. He pointed to a pink trailer and mentioned that's where their trailer was parked when I was born. And that's when it hit me.....I was born poor white trailer trash.

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Inca-Vacation@reddit

Dirt poor from 3rd until 7th grade, then parents got back together and I was middle class. Got a ride home from a kid's father in a Saab in 8th, a car which was much fancier and more exotic than the American beaters my mom had, and pissed dude off by marveling at the car and asking how much it cost. That was my last ride home with him.

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Tech-Mechanic@reddit

We weren't poor but, I thought we were rich, because most of the people who lived around us, and the kids I played with, actually were poor. So, I thought my non-flea market toys and decent clothes meant we were doing quite well.

It wasn't until I was around 18-20 that I started to realize that my family's economic status was around lower middle-class.

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No_Ability1548@reddit

I figured it out around 12. I was like, 'how come they get all the stuff and I don... OH!'

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ob12_99@reddit

I always knew I was poor, but how poor was pointed out to me by my son when he was like 15/16ish. He mentioned how my childhood stories would make him feel bad. The homeless stories, the traveling by foot or train hopping, the shelters, the communes, etc. lol I just thought it was normal. Outside of those schoolastic fairs they would do where I could never purchase anything was about the only time I felt poor as a kid. Otherwise, I was planning my next scam....

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cranky_bithead@reddit

We never went without. I knew we didn't have as much as other kids, we couldn't afford the nicer clothes or other things, and for a while I got subsidized lunches at school. Christmas was an exception - it was always good. But all in all, I figured we weren't well-off.

Only later did I learn how little income my dad actually earned. And then I realized he made huge sacrifices so we could have a better life. All those times at a fast food place he would ask if I wanted another burger, while he ate a single burger and drank water, while saying he wasn't hungry.

Later, when I was on my own and earning good money, I wondered how the heck my parents lived frugal enough for us not to feel dirt poor.

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BeaPositiveToo@reddit

I thought we were poor. We always had food, clothing and shelter, but no name brands or extras. Turns out my parents were super cheap & still are…

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Normal-Philosopher-8@reddit

This. Was told we had no money my entire childhood, to the point where I pretty much earned my own money from age 10. Supported myself from 18.

Turns out my father put every raise he ever received into retirement. My parents are both still living, and well off, which does make my life today easier. But this “I didn’t know we were poor” ideology is completely foreign to me. I was told nearly every day how poor we were.

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BeaPositiveToo@reddit

Yup! Literally started working at 12– after school every day.

Fortunately, my parents are in good shape now.

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Former-Wish-8228@reddit

Like picking up dried Lima beans out of the dirt after the thresher harvested just because…that was my family to a T!

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BeaPositiveToo@reddit

Yeah, we did grab corn from the edges of other people’s corn fields. It always felt like stealing. Turns out we didn’t need to.

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clejeune@reddit

As a kid I had no idea. I was a little brown boy in a little brown neighborhood. Everyone I played with was from Cuba or Nicaragua. My school was all minorities. Then I grew up and joined the army and met people from all over the country that had experienced life differently.

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emmadonelsense@reddit

Didn’t want for anything, but realized at a young age why that was. We barely ever saw our parents. They both worked their arses off to give us that life. One Xmas, my parents sat me down and asked if we could postpone Xmas morning opening presents (I was the youngest and still believed in Santa). My dad was a millwright at the time and was offered holiday overtime to work through Xmas. Of course I said yes. But when I got older, the gravity of that memory flooded back. Here’s two parents asking a five year old to make such a decision for our family. I’m grateful to my five year old self that I didn’t pitch a fit and add to their stress. All he wanted was to be there to see the happiness they provided. I have other memories similar to that and we were on our own a lot. But whatever other issues we have with our parents, I have to salute their efforts to always provide. And of course, as I’ve gotten older and felt the weight of the world for myself, it really puts a lot of memories in perspective.

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Yioughta5150@reddit

I grew up living in rented houses, moving every 3-5 years it seems. We didn't live in the most desirable neighborhoods and so I attended "at-risk" schools both during junior high and high school. But I never felt unsafe or scared living in my neighborhoods, or going to schools with alleged bad reputations. I never thought of us as poor because there was always food in the fridge, clothes on my back, (although when I got to be 14, I used my babysitting and birthday money to pay for my own clothes at the beginning of the school year because there was never enough money for my parents to pay for both me and my brother) and we had cable television, which I was the only one out of all my friends that had cable. I guess my family were considered the "upper working class" in our neighborhood for having that luxury. That, and I was the only one out of my friends who had both parents living under one roof. TBH, I was blessed.

Still, given how I grew up, I chose to go to college, get a decent paying job, get married to someone who also had a decent paying job, and I was determined to buy a house before we had children. I was not going to raise my children like I was raised, having to worry about moving every few years, away from their friends, and their schools, or have to obtain zone variances to attend the school. Although I had cable television, and my own phone line by the time I was 15, my kids definitely have it better than I had it. They never had to share a room. They didn't do a whole lot moving (they weren't yet in school when we moved to a different state), and they have never had to pay for their own clothes unless they wanted to, not because they had to. And, they get annual vacations and the privilege of extracurriculars which cost us every month.

The cycle has been broken with me as I intended it. Now, my widowed mom lives with us, which I pretty much knew a long time ago would eventually happen. Both widowed mothers live with us (MIL), and our youngest is in high school. I live a pretty blessed life, and I'm happy we're in a position to be able to be together under one relatively spacious roof...one where no one has to move from because the rent got too damn high.

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wriddell@reddit

You haven’t lived until you’ve received one of those 5lbs blocks of government cheese

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saenzmom@reddit

I often wonder if those blocks are still available. Grilled cheese sandwiches & Mac & Cheese made from the block were addictive.

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IDunnoReallyIDont@reddit

I had no clue. I thought everyone stood in line for “government cheese, bread and milk”. It never dawned on me that you need such a low income to qualify for it.

My “big Christmas present” one year was a $50 pair of Guess jeans. I was so happy and grateful that I didn’t have to wear my brother’s hand me downs (I’m a girl!) I knew other kids got them as normal school clothes but it never dawned on me why or why it had to be a present for me. I never questioned it.

We never had family vacations beyond driving 6 hours to visit family. Never been to a theme park until I was 19 and moved out.

My kids… they are so spoiled and don’t even realize it. I’m grateful to give them all the things I didn’t have. But I try my best to teach them to be financially smart and that not everyone is in this position.

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Ronnie_Vernski@reddit

That block of government cheese was hella good! I also really wanted a pair of Guess jeans but alas that never happened 😞

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IDunnoReallyIDont@reddit

My mom would make fudge with it so it didn’t go to waste. It was such a massive freaking block!

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IDunnoReallyIDont@reddit

Also my mom pushed and more or less guilted me into getting a job as early as I could age-wise. I did and it taught me a lot. I don’t think my career trajectory would’ve been the same without that. Plus it was great having my own money and not relying on others. Taught me financial responsibility early.

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TemperReformanda@reddit

It was blatantly obvious to me from 1st grade onward.

Get picked up in school in 1984 in a yellow Ford Pinto, or in 1987 in a ragged out, banged up primer gray 1968 Fairlane.

The cars won't tell you you're poor but all the smartass kids will.

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Honeybee3674@reddit

I don't remember being hungry. We always had a place to live (although with or renting from grandparents a couple times).

My mom tells me that for a certain stretch at the end of the month, we had "popcorn for dinner!" nights, or that dinner was instant mashed potatoes. I don't remember this.

I do remember chopped up hot dogs on frozen pizza or in spaghetti Os, spam sandwiches, and some things like that.

My parents were quite young (19 when I was born) and struggled during the recession in the 70s.

I knew we had to be careful with money...I remember being convinced Santa was real because I got a bike for Christmas and my parents didn't have the money for a bike (my grandma gifted the bike).

But when I was young we lived in an apartment complex/school system where everyone was about the same.

My memories put us working class, up to true middle class by the time I was in junior high school, not "eating popcorn for dinner because there's nothing else to eat"" poor. So, I would say my parents did a good job with the spin.

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Conscious-Phone3209@reddit

My experience as well

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ApatheistHeretic@reddit

I knew that I was poor when I entered school. "Dude, you own clothes and shoes without holes?!"

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DrHoleStuffer@reddit

I have five older siblings. I knew by the time I was old enough to form my own thoughts.

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Koss424@reddit

you don't know your poor, then you're never poor. You parents did great

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DaGoodBoy@reddit

Dad was born in rural Texas in 1923. He never owned shoes until he was 10 or so. Grandpa Buck was a sharecropper and raised hunting dogs. Then Dad joined the Navy and fought in WWII, went to college, and became an engineer. We weren't poor, exactly, but Dad kept his Depression-era habits.

We frequently ate potted meat and mustard sandwiches on white bread.
Many of our presents were practical, like unwrapping socks and underwear on Christmas morning.
I had to save my allowance to get an Edmunds Scientific microscope or chemistry set.
We ate out maybe once a week at places like Long John Silver's or Luby's Cafeteria.

Our lives weren't poor so much as restrained. Dad lived to be 99 years old and rarely needed financial assistance despite living 40 years post-retirement.

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om_hi@reddit

Worse. My parents were hoarding money for themselves while making us live with little.

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Caliopebookworm@reddit

I always knew. My Dad was an auto worker before it was profitable and was laid off or on strike a lot. He'd get unemployment but sometimes it would be delayed and we would eat what we had until it was gone. I remember one week we had popcorn for more than a week and when that was gone, we finished off the crabapples from the tree behind our townhouse and our neighbour's tree. My Dad was supposed to apply for food stamps at one point but went and got drunk instead.

Our mother told us from a very young age that there was no Santa but not to tell anyone - she knew "he" wouldn't be able to bring us the kind of gifts our friends got (usually our Christmas gift was choosing something small we wanted at Meijer which I was then made to wrap in newspaper) and didn't want us to feel less than.

Because my mom's religion we attended the small private Christian school at the church she attended - which meant tuition. No one really teased me but my brother was taunted constantly about being poor.

Sometimes our groceries were a 50lb bag of pinto beans and 50lb bag of potatoes. We got government cheese from time to time. I loved it. When I was a sophomore in high school, we couldn't afford the private school but had we gone to a public school, we wouldn't have been permitted to return so I took a year and a half off (it was self motivated work - I got a job at a restaurant to help support the family) while my brother was homeschooled.

Yeah....I always knew we were poor.

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PomegranatePlus6526@reddit

Never really realized how close we were to being on the street until it happened during my college freshman year. Lived out of my car for two months showering at school until I found housing. Now I am in a much better place, and don’t hold a grudge. Life can be really tough sometimes.

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Brownie5993@reddit

44 now. My bio mom tossed me to my grandparents at 6 months old, bio dad thought it was also for the best. My grandparents were always unstable, in all ways. My grampa often ‘worked’ as an informant for local law enforcement & was terrible with money. By the time I left at 19, I’d lived in about 25 different homes and attended multiple schools for short periods of time. I never went without food, but my clothes were always from Walmart & I never received regular medical or dental care. At 19 I had never experienced a vacation, prom, homecoming, participating in sports or extracurricular activities, sleepovers, nothing. I didn’t realize how fucked up my life was growing up until around 2019-2020. I never realized how bad things were as I was growing up, and for that I’m grateful. I don’t think I could’ve handled more disappointment than what I experienced.

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Odd_Policy_3009@reddit

We were just getting by I think; we ate TV dinners and were always behind on bills. Ate spaghetti o’s. My parents have rented all their lives.

My husband thinks his family was also poor bc they would eat tv dinners, yet they would go skiing every year and I cannot convince him otherwise

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mikess314@reddit

During the brutal midwestern winters each morning my brother and sister and I would huddle around the furnace vent in the living room taking turns being closest, trying to stay warm. All the while mom was in the kitchen making breakfast and packing lunches. That was just our routine. It never dawned on me that this wasn’t happening in every house of all of my classmates.

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Ray_The_Engineer@reddit

We weren't poor, but good lord by today's standards, my parents were Frugal. And I mean it as a compliment.

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PerfectAd9944@reddit

11 years old, 6th grade. After being in public school up until then, my grandmother swooped in and paid for me to go to a private Catholic School. Those kids let me know just how poor I was.

But, it didn't matter to me. My true friends lived in my apartment complex and we were all in the same boat.

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Mammoth_Ad_483@reddit

I knew it but my friends never treated me differently. Now I wear it like a badge. When you get older, you realize that you have to overcome so much more, and I'm proud of that.

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ChrystineDreams@reddit

I grew up poor and knew it. But also my parents are granola munching hippies so it was kind of a lifestyle of anti-consumption and non-processed foods.

My mom went without a lot so that my dad's alcoholism didn't take us to bankruptcy and so that I had what I needed in life. but also a set of life skills for living healthily near or below the poverty line.

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Old_Goat_Ninja@reddit

I grew up poor and was very well aware of it. Brand name clothes were everything, something we never had, so I got made fun of constantly for “poor” people clothing.

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HighSideSurvivor@reddit

Reading some of these responses, it’s clear that there are many degrees of “poor”

That said, when I was a kid, the relatively well off kids were merciless in their teasing of us relatively poor kids. In elementary school, I got a free lunch benefit. The cafeteria was setup such that it was VERY OBVIOUS that I was getting my lunch for free. Not only did the other kids tease us, but staff and teachers did too. On one occasion, I failed to eat all of the food that was given to me. Someone told the teacher, who proceeded to fish some uneaten food from the garbage can and then force me to eat it. She insisted that if other people were paying for my food, I had damned well better eat it all.

In middle school, I just refrained entirely from eating to avoid any stigma.

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MusicalMerlin1973@reddit

It had been put to us in general terms growing up why can’t we go to Disney world or eat out? We can afford X, or we can go out to eat once a month. I can’t afford both - X has a longer lasting impact than going out to eat once a month.

I didn’t realize the ramifications until well into adulthood. I don’t think we missed out. We never went hungry. Opportunities were provided for us.

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Relative-Bug-4921@reddit

I looked at everything in a positive way. Never really realized how poor we were. My dad was in the mental hospital and all I knew was he was stuck in Florida. He brought me home some toy figures that were old, missing an arm and I didn't care. I had a great imagination. I loved cardboard boxes. I played outside. Didn't get my 1st bike till I was 10. But hey I had a great childhood. Never went hungry, got the clothes from my neighbors. If my dad didn't hunt it, catch it fishing or grow it in the garden. I mean he did take care of us the best he could. I love my dad for always pushing through.

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kittyshakedown@reddit

I wouldn’t say we were poor but now I realize how much pressure there is providing for a family.

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CaughtALiteSneez@reddit

I knew, but I didn’t understand the reality of it / the concept of money.

I remember being around 9 & asking my parents if I could get a Lamborghini for my first car while not having running hot water.

Still embarrassed about that tbh…

gif

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le4t@reddit

You were 9. No need to be embarrassed. That's a pretty funny request coming from anyone.

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CaughtALiteSneez@reddit

I honestly feel bad, my parents struggled a lot and put whatever they could into my education.

I guess I forgive myself, but come on. Hehe

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Bright_Increase_6136@reddit

I never knew what our situation was as a child, bc my parents never talked about that stuff in front of us. I knew they didn’t have it easy bc my mom was 16 when she got pregnant with me & my dad is a few years older. He managed to get his foot in the door at Bethlehem Steel as a janitor, and by the time they closed, he was a supervisor of a mill. So he slowly worked his way up, along with his pay:) I watched him work his ass off for many years and we were not without. I got really lucky bc they are still married too!

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juralynn1@reddit

We were poor and I knew it but grew up poor like all of my friends. I realized how poor in high school with kids around me with cars and brand name clothes.

My dad taught me to save and to never buy using credit. I broke the cycle and never let my past define me, but my kids are not allowed to grow up privileged. They work for everything they get and I remind them often I don’t grow up like them. We are upper middle class but don’t act like it.

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TheChewyWaffles@reddit

I have a hard time with this. I want my kids to understand that our income allows them to experience things I never got to do.

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MusicalScientist206@reddit

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Pretty much all of us.

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AuntJibbie@reddit

Me 🙋‍♀️

None of my friends growing up judged according to place of living, race, gender, religion, etc. It wasn't until I was 18 that I had a guy come over (he lived in the next town) and ask how I could possibly live in a trailer. It shocked me!!

I always had a lot of friends all through school, always had nice clothes to wear, my car was a PoS (but so was everyone else's because thats when everyone worked on their own vehicles, including us girls), always had a boyfriend. My "house" was where 10+ girls got ready for school every morning, traded clothes and shoes, jewelry, hair scrunchies, etc, while having the radio on blast. The guys sat in the living room waiting... so it never really dawned on me that we were poor. I had a roof over my head, food in my belly, never went without the essentials.

Needless to say, I never talked to the guy again. We were no longer friends. I was naive, but he quickly got me out of my naivety (the bastard).

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SadPhase2589@reddit

My parents were poor, I was just drug along for the ride.

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OptimaGreen@reddit

I probably thought that we were poorer than we were. I wore hand-me-downs and homemade clothes, mostly; clothes that I would grow out of were bought at K-Mart and really nice things came from Sears or from the sale rack at Macy's. My mom took me on one vacation when I was 10, then no trips until I was 18. We ate out once a month at most. I knew my mom made less than $20K/year. But when it came time to fill out my FAFSA, I didn't qualify for any loans or grants or work-study, because my mom had savings. So, it turns out we weren't really that poor. Luckily I went to college when it was still cheap, and between my mom's savings and my scholarships I had it covered.

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DaSloBlade@reddit

I thought we were average but in reality I think the "rich kids" in my school were from middle income families. It was all relative.

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Intelligent_Serve_30@reddit

I had no idea until 4th grade when a classmate saw me and my family leaving the food bank and told people at school. They made fun of me for years after that, every chance they could get to remind me I was poor and different.

Up until I was "discovered", I never knew i was poor. We had clothes, we had food. But everything in our life at that point was government assistance or donation. I thought everyone went to the clothing and food banks, got those cool monopoly money looking food stamps and medical coupons, that they all had bi-yearly inspections from Section 8 and got Xmas gifts from the welfare Santa.

We were actually very very poor I found out later but my mom was a rockstar who never made it look like it to me. Besides the mean classmates, my childhood felt really good actually.

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jpow33@reddit

I don't think we were poor, but we were definitely broke. Like, we were fed and clothed and had had what we needed, but there wasn't money for anything else. We didn't go out except for really special occasions, we never took vacations, we went to the dollar movie theater, and we knew that extra stuff at the store wasn't going to happen. But I don't think we suffered at all. I had a great childhood.

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WhatTheHellPod@reddit

We never lacked for anything, but we didn't have much either. I never realized how poor we were until my old man became an officer in the military and we went from dirt poor to middle class in a year.

Man, that first Christmas was WILD!

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H3nchman_24@reddit

My classmates never let me forget how poor my family was. They were relentless.

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SomeCar@reddit

I was thinking this too. Not sure how it is now, but back when I went to high school if anyone smelled weakness, or knew something "bad" about you, then you would never hear the end of it.

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keiths31@reddit

I was always bragged about my mothers home made syrup whenever I slept over at a friends house and they had store bought syrup. My mothers 'syrup' was nothing more than brown sugar, maple extract on water.

Our cutlery didn't match. It was pieces from yard sales or hand me downs. There was one fork that was 'mine'. I thought it was cool we all had a version of our 'own' fork. Not realizing it was because we couldn't afford an actual set.

When I think back at all the 'quirks' my family had over some friends, I know now it was due to different financial levels.

My folks are the absolute best.

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Amidormi@reddit

I didn't know the full scope until I was older but we definitely knew we were a little poor compared to other kids at school.

Hand me downs (like the old fashioned bike I had), thrifted clothing, never had the coolest fad toys until they were all past their hot phase, couldn't afford going to the movies, never went out to eat, only got pizza because of Book-It, never got ice cream unless it was the free birthday Baskin Robbins coupon stuff, being sick or injured and not being taken to see a doctor, etc.

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wineraq@reddit (OP)

+1 for personal pizzas via Book It!

I wonder if the push to get me to read actually helped me past the poverty cycle by extrapolating my education without me even knowing it

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Amidormi@reddit

Nice! My mom use to read to me so I already loved it, but getting PIZZA for reading was even better!

My dad didn't consider pizza to be food, a view he still holds to this day. (he thinks it's a snack)

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mtcrick@reddit

My brother and I were talking a while back. He realized at some point that we lived "In abject poverty"...

Sums it up. I knew it sort of, but realized it more deeply later. Cardboard in our shoes, bags instead of leakproof winter boots. We hunted for food (live in Montana), grew a huge garden, about 50x200 feet, and canned well over 2000 quarts of food a year, including meat (raised our own chickens, turkeys and cows).

Even then, it was sparse a lot of the time.

While we had food, it wasn't like we could just run to the store and get what we wanted. There were no extras, ever. I don't recall going on a vacation, and we only ate out a few times a year.

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wineraq@reddit (OP)

I feel most of this is now what rich yuppies do....we're in a bizarro universe now

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Flower_Power73@reddit

I had no idea until we moved to a different city and country during the last six weeks of my year of sixth grade. When I started my new school everyone there was wearing named brand clothing and shoes while I had on my K-Mart and Walmart specials. It was horrible.

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Ms-Anthrop@reddit

Wearing hand me downs and having water shut off were pretty big clues we were poor. Hard to ignore having to wear dirty clothes to school and showering at school cause there was no water at home

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ToxicAdamm@reddit

I did. Because I noticed at the age 10 that my shoes, clothes, bikes, etc wasn't like that of my friends from "the other side of the tracks".

But I laugh at how minimal the difference was between working poor neighborhoods, but it felt like a huge gulf as a kid. The "rich" kids went to a newer school, might have had slightly nicer clothes and maybe a pool. Their parents maybe made 10k more a year than ours.

(Grew up in a rust belt city)

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celticfrog42@reddit

Also, in MN. I grew up on dairy farm. I knew we didn't have much, but we were never hungry. That contributed to not understanding the scale of it until I was much older.

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ONROSREPUS@reddit

Poor has different meanings to different people.

My family didn't have a lot of money but I wouldn't say we were poor. Always had a roof over our head and food on the table even if it meant dad not getting his case of beer that week.

I hardly had new stuff until I could buy it on my own. Didn't have allowances and most of my clothing was from garage sales and hand me downs.

I knew we didn't have as much money as some of my friends because they always got the new cool stuff when it first came out. Never really bothered me to much. My mom got a pretty good paying union job when I was 10ish. And my dad finally got a good paying job when I was in my late teens. By good paying job I mean one where they could actually save money and not live pay check to paycheck.

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Md693@reddit

Me I had no idea

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mrsredfast@reddit

I realized in 5th grade when I only had two pairs of pants that fit (and they were hand me downs that weren’t even jeans) and some kids helpfully pointed it out in case I didn’t realize.

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DiogenesKoochew@reddit

I grew up thinking we were kind of poor. Off brand lunch box things, second hand clothing, having to walk to school, no birthday parties etc. found out when I was about thirty that my parents were multimillionaires and my grandparents bought their house outright! They were just shitty people. Oh well.

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agoodspace@reddit

My husband and I both feel the same.

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Sensitive_Diamond328@reddit

Oh yeah, we had no idea. Looking back, my mom was a social worker for the state and my dad was laid off about 100 times during the recessions in the 80s-90s, so I can do the math. My family has everything we need now and then some, sometimes I actually feel guilty for it.