First of all, this is post is a generalization, because we're talking about a country and a culture, not an individual. Generalization is unavoidable.

Ok, I'm a Dutch citizen, have spent half of my life here, on the surface well integrated. Let's get that out of way first.

But what separates me from an average native Dutch is, I don't have the same cynical outlook on personal relationships. Yes, I'm mistrustful due to having to adapt to the social culture here, which to me is a learned survival mechanism. But cynicism? No, I refuse to let it corrupt my soul. This is something I'll never acclimate to.

What is cynicism in this particular context? Let me give a few examples:

1. The "I don't need more friends" mindset. True, friendship takes work and requires resource. But it's not work, per se, because genuine friendship is NON TRANSACTIONAL. However, according to prevailing Dutch culture it is, and that's where the cynicism takes roots. Since it's work, carefully weighing investment and return has become the default operation. And in my eyes that's cynical and as a result friendships with native Dutch people can be pretty transactional.

2. Individualistic culture. Oh, everyone is left to fend for themselves is so deeply ingrained in the Dutch culture there's just no way around it. Only in the Netherlands have I learned a whole new meaning of "fair weather friends", meaning as soon as any personal setback hits them they vanish from your life. And oh there will be setbacks, let's say, from burnout to pre-burnout to pre-pre-burnout. Not kidding. Never knew so many shades of burnouts...very noble they wouldn't BURDEN you with their personal struggles but the message is loud and clear: in return don't ever burden me with yours, and that's how I have been indoctrinated into mistrusting people here because let's face it, if we can't rely on either other in time of need how can we trust each other? Mistrust is the only sensible solution towards this dilemma. If there's no trust there's no disappointment, right?

3. Activities-centered socialisation. At this point I don't believe most native Dutch people have a grasp of the concept "hanging out", meaning being together for the sake of being together. What it means is basically you are not the means to an end (activity), but the end itself. That's just too much of alien concept to them, together with "it's important to know I'm valued for who I'm, instead of what I provide". It's an implicit social code that you don't just call upon someone to do nothing but just hang, like casually, no goal-oriented hanging out and enjoying each other's company. Nope. It almost sounds too UNPRODUCTIVE to most Dutch people. Remember, friendship is work. And works requires productivity to generate return.That's why suggesting joining hobby groups won't really ease loneliness in most cases, because by doing that you jump right in , become a means to an end, and being pigeonholed permanently as a running buddy, a reading buddy, or worse, a co-worker. Once pigeonholed it's almost impossible to break the mold because Dutch people are masters at compartmentalizing their life. Don't ask me how I know about it.

There are still so much more I can think of. But for the sake of keeping the post from dragging on, I'll stop for now. Just a final word to all expats who can relate to this post, or prospective expats who are dreaming of moving to the lowland: while keep your expectations reasonable, fight all you might to not let cynicism dim your light.