Struggling to choose between “home vs lifestyle” - anyone been through this?
Posted by Wild-Ostrich1205@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 6 comments
I’m trying to figure out where to base myself long-term and would really appreciate perspectives from people who’ve faced something similar.
I’m 30, working remotely, and not tied to a specific location. Over the past few years I’ve lived abroad (including Vancouver), and I’ve been back in Dublin for the last 8 months.
At this stage, I feel a pull toward having more of a base rather than constantly moving around. A big part of that for me is being able to live alone, and ideally use my remote setup to travel more flexibly (e.g. home exchanges or subletting while away).
I feel quite torn between a few options:
Vancouver:
This is the place that clicked most for me in terms of lifestyle and energy. I could afford to live alone, which is a big plus.
The downside is distance from home, although with remote work I could realistically visit 2–3 times a year and have family visit too. I’ve also experienced some loneliness there before.
Dublin (home):
Being close to family feels grounding, and I value that more now.
But I’ve given it a proper try over the past 8 months, and I’m still not sure I see myself settling here long-term. It feels somewhat limiting in terms of lifestyle and independence.
Other cities (e.g. Lisbon, Manchester, London):
I’ve explored these as a middle ground (closer to home but still offering something different). But none have quite “clicked” in the same way.
Right now I have the option to stay in Dublin short-term (3 months in a good area), or to make a bigger move again. I guess my core tension is:
Choosing between a place that feels like “home” vs a place that feels like “life”.
Has anyone here navigated something similar?
How did you think about distance from home vs quality of day-to-day life?
upearlytoday23@reddit
I'm going through something similar myself.
I'm currently living in Berlin but my family lives in the west coast of the US. I realistically can only see my parents once a year now (there aren't even direct flights and flights are 11+ hours). I also really miss my friends and community in the US as well.
In Berlin I'm fully remote and I've used the last couple years to really explore and travel the EU while working. It's been great but also super lonely. I haven't been able to make deep friendships even though it's been fun as well. I enjoy the life pace but I also am not super pushed here. It's comfortable for me.
Ultimately I'm exploring to move back to the US but to a city such as NYC where I can be closer to parents, same city as a lot of friends, but also still 'close' to Europe as I also now have good friends in London, and can also travel back to other countries if I wanted to.
I'm personally also struggling if that's the right choice but I think if I stayed in Berlin I would be too complacent and spend a lot of time honestly leaving. It's a bit different than you resonating with Vancouver I guess. I don't necessary resonate with Berlin but I've been here long enough that I can get by and compared to NYC/cities in the US, I get more space and cost of living is a bit better for me here.
I don't think there's a right choice as in any choice is okay. You can't get 100% of everything all the time. Now, as my parents are aging and my dad has health issue, I think I want to be a short(er) flight home instead of all the way across the world. I want to visit more than once a year. I want to deepen my friendships and build community.
In Berlin it's been more for me. It's fun, but I'm not building anything.
Grass is not greener but it's not worse either. Everywhere has it's pros and cons. Worst case, I'll move back - I've done the move before. Second time would be easier.
Early_Switch1222@reddit
i went through almost exactly this. greek, late 20s at the time, remote-ish work situation, and basically had to choose between staying near family in athens or moving somewhere that felt more like the life i actually wanted.
i picked the netherlands (the hague specifically) and ive been here a few years now. what made the decision easier for me was reframing it. you're not choosing between home and life. you're choosing which version of missing something you can live with more comfortably. because either way you're going to miss something.
in vancouver you'd miss family but have the lifestyle. in dublin you'd have family but miss the feeling of possibility. the question is which absence weighs on you more day to day. for me the answer was clear, i can call my mom every day and fly home for easter and summer. but i cant recreate the professional opportunities and independence i have here from my childhood bedroom in greece.
since you mentioned european cities as a middle ground, honestly look at the netherlands too. its close enough to dublin for weekend flights (1.5 hours), the remote work infrastructure is excellent, english works everywhere, and the quality of life is genuinely high. the hague and rotterdam especially are underrated compared to amsterdam. not saying its the answer but it checks alot of your boxes and i dont think most irish people have it on their radar.
the 3-month dublin option sounds like a good pause though. sometimes you need to sit still somewhere familiar to figure out where you actually want to go next.
Wild-Ostrich1205@reddit (OP)
Great response. Really appreicate you sharing your personal experience, it is comforting to hear other people navigating similar situations.
Can I ping you to get some more info about Netherlands?
Impossible-Snow5202@reddit
Everyone who ever lived had to make choices.
No one can make your choices for you.
Advanced-Parking173@reddit
What a horribly pointless comment.
Tipsymacstaggers@reddit
Originally from Dublin and now living in Lisbon after 20+ years in the UK. Honestly the last 8 months of weather have been pretty brutal all across Europe so don't let that impact your decision making. The reason I'm in Lisbon is because it totally 'clicked' with me and there's a vibrancy here you just don't get in the UK anymore - its very doom and gloom there right now.