Reclaiming our house at 63 now that kids are gone. Anyone else transforming spaces after 30 years of family mode?

Posted by Deezknowt@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 75 comments

My wife and I are both 63 and our youngest finally moved out last year. For the first time in 30 years, this house is actually just ours. We've been living with kid related stuff so long we forgot what we wanted in a home. Bedrooms full of furniture from 20 years ago. Kitchen designed for feeding five people. Family room dominated by a massive sectional. We're planning major renovations. Combining two bedrooms into a home office. Converting another bedroom into my woodworking hobby room. Opening up the kitchen for entertaining, which we do much more now. The planning process has been exciting and somewhat emotional. There's something about dismantling spaces where our kids grew up. But we keep reminding ourselves they're adults with their own homes now. Total budget is looking like $110K. That feels like a lot, but we've been talking about these changes for five years and kept putting it off. At some point you just have to commit. The hardest part right now is making all the decisions. Cabinet styles, countertops, paint colors, flooring. After 30 years of decorating for family function, we're not even sure what our personal style is anymore. Any other Gen Xers doing similar transformations? How did you decide what changes to make? And did you live through the construction or move out temporarily?

[-]

jafun@reddit

Our kids aren't gone...yet, but we did do a major renovation on the whole main floor. Kitchen, powder room, laundry room, den, dining room and living room.

I knew there were going to be 1,000,000 small decisions that would overwhelm us and potentially lead to divorce (lol). We chose to use an interior designer who led us through creating mood boards and defining how we live. She picked everything and gave it all to us in a design package. We could, and did, tweak the package if we wanted.

If your spending that much money I'd recommend looking for a designer.

[-]

54AZ@reddit

When I remodeled my house that was an issue. I got so tired of picking every little thing...

[-]

TeenYearsKillingMe@reddit

I didn't wait that long. My step son moved out at 18 and I transformed his room into an office and guest room. I painted it, removed the blinds, put down a pretty rug, put a stained glass appliqué on the windows, and sheer pink curtains. It's gorgeous.

When my daughter moves out, I'm turning her room into a gym. When my son moves out, we're selling.

[-]

jaydee729@reddit

Our nest emptied five years ago. We stayed in the homestead for a year and one day said to ourselves “what are we still doing here?” Sold our place, ditched decades worth of stuff, and moved to a rental for the time being.

It’s been liberating. We travel (a lot) and have time to think about where our next home will be.

Good luck!

[-]

MarquesTreasures@reddit

last kid moved out (Wife had 4, I had 1). we sold everything and spent 2 years full time RV traveling the country. then we bought a house in the mountains, thousands of miles from all family. I have a man cave. my wife has a she shed. it's wonderful.

[-]

FTFaffer@reddit

We moved house last year. Our new condo is a couple’s sanctuary. We have a guest room for kids to spend the night but not much more.

[-]

keja1978@reddit

Can't wait. We're selling our current house and moving closer to work. My 23 year old has made it clear she's not moving back home after college. Yay. My 26 year old son just moved back home after his seasonal job ended. He keeps talking about how much space we'll need when we move as though we're going to store all his shit.

[-]

citycouple30@reddit

When our daughter moved out, we turned her room into a home gym and when our son moved out, we turned his room into a guest room/office. It’s been nice. But I went through the entire emptiness syndrome. I remember when they were both gone. I was standing in my living room looking around thinking to myself. “what do I do now“ because for 25 years, I was a mom or a career woman or this or that. You know the mini hats that we wear. I didn’t know what I liked or disliked or wanted or didn’t want because for 25 years I catered to everybody else but myself. So I’ve had to rediscover myself and what I want out of life. It’s been quite the journey.

[-]

Odd_Passenger5339@reddit

I usually read this as “empty nest” but I think “emptiness” describes it well also. Glad you found your way.

[-]

Itsworth-gold4tome@reddit

We started it in 2020, ended in 2022. Huge master suite (new wing) with fabulous bathroom, walk in closet to die for and a gun/safe room. Then we did all of the things that needed done on a 30 year old home, roof, windows, siding, gutters, driveway and added a pool heater.

We very careful with that budget $110 may be a stretch.

[-]

Vegetable_Loan1627@reddit

My husband and I have been slowly redoing things room by room…every time our kid comes home from college he freaks out…

[-]

Missmbb@reddit

Our younger child went to college in 2017 (older was in med school at the time) and in December 2019 we decided to do a major renovation of our first floor. Found the contractor and were making some decisions on scope, design choices, etc. when Covid hit and both kids came back home. Decided to put everything on hold and I’m glad we did.

Once the kids went back to school that fall, we resumed the plans. We lived there during the construction and it was harder than I anticipated. There’s no way the 4 of us would have been able to do it without a lot of tension and bickering. We have pets, so moving out while the work was being done wasn’t practical.

Super happy with the way everything turned out! Glad we did it!

[-]

Lezekthebearded@reddit

They actually moved out? So you’re saying there’s a chance?

[-]

SecretMiddle1234@reddit

This!!!!

[-]

Any_Month3468@reddit

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[-]

Reader47b@reddit

I intend to downsize when the kids are out...but I'm not sure that will be anytime soon. Then I will pick a home more suited to just my needs and decorate and furnish it accordingly. My plan is to basically sell or trash everything when I move - I'm going to keep maybe 4 pieces of furniture and start over fresh.

[-]

Continent3@reddit

We are thinking the same thing. We live in a high cost of living area with very good schools nearby. We’re thinking of renting out our house and buy a smaller place. We don’t need a good school anymore. Someplace with more land where my wife can garden. Something with 3 bedrooms would be fine for us.

[-]

newwriter365@reddit

Why wouldn’t you just sell the house and let a young family get onto the property ladder?

This is some boomer-type shite.

[-]

Continent3@reddit

Because it’s going to help fund our retirement costs. Unless you’re planning to help cover that for us…

[-]

newwriter365@reddit

Cash in the bank serves the same purpose, but good luck with being a landlord.

[-]

Continent3@reddit

Thanks for the investment advice!

[-]

TravelingChiefP1@reddit

Yes, yes, yes! Yesterday was our first day. We hired a small team that is propelling us forward. Taking that first step is so exciting. Pace yourself, but get someone that shares your vision.

[-]

Sufficient-Produce85@reddit

Redid the whole house 3 years ago. Find a Reno company with a good design person. It helped us a lot! But also have looong conversations with each other about what you want, need and have to have. Design for you, not resale down the line. We stayed for everything (living in one room then moving to another a week or two later) except for when they tore up our kitchen floors with a jackhammer.

[-]

6glough@reddit

Wish you luck and loads of patience! We remodeled our house once, and never again. After 25 years of a 6 bedroom house on an acre of a corner lot, inground pool, 2 driveways. I’m done. I want a condo. I’ll go somewhere else for my fun.

[-]

No-Country6348@reddit

I want my kids to come back often so I have kept their rooms as is. One kid came back with her partner for several months and it was wonderful. 🥰

[-]

FarmNGardenGal@reddit

My adult children will always have a bedroom in our home.

[-]

mden1974@reddit

My kids are young and I’m an older dad but I feel like I’m going to be just like you when they are older. I’m going to have a nice safe warm place for them if they need to come back and I’d absolutely love having them back.

[-]

Erion7@reddit

Not doing it yet, but we are doing the pre-planning for when our youngest finishes college in \~2 years.

[-]

Dramatic_Channel52@reddit

Mine are still at home, but I told the wife, I’m moving after kid #2 crosses the graduation stage.

Love the town I’m in … but time for me to move on as well.

[-]

mden1974@reddit

Does she get to come with you? Or is this just a clean break? My dad did the clean break after we left…

[-]

Dramatic_Channel52@reddit

She can come if she wants.

[-]

Midlevelluxurylife@reddit

We redid a bedroom into more of a guest bedroom and are now tackling the master bathroom. Complete gut job. It needed it the most, so it comes first. The kitchen is next.

[-]

trashthegoondocks@reddit

Careful...they'll probably move back in...

[-]

LilJourney@reddit

Still waiting for our youngest two to move on (got about 2 more years max) - that said, if you can move out temporarily for big projects - move out. No matter the ventilation and dust control measures, it's still hard on the body to be living in a construction zone.

Just make sure you've got a nice extra chunk of money set aside in addition to your budget amount because the other thing I've learned is that there are always surprises. Not one project on ours - big or small - has ended up within budget (inc. both contractor ones, and ones we did ourselves). Some were only 5% over, some were more like 20% over. Some were by choice (decided during process to upgrade / add other parts to it), some were - oh, guess what, that's no longer up to code and we need to do X to get you to code.

[-]

mamasheshe66@reddit

Not there yet. Had kids in the house 33 years and counting! Good for you!!

[-]

Ray_The_Engineer@reddit

Once our kids were grown and gone, we sold their childhood home and found a nice house in the mountains. I think it was a little bit of a trauma for them to see the only house they'd ever known exit the scene, but they seem to have moved on at this point.

No amount of re-do would have made that other house work for us as a retirement castle; we wanted to live in the country, have some space. I can't imagine living in a cookie-cutter house on a postage stamp lot in city sprawl, at this point.

[-]

Cookies4Dinner73@reddit

Same here. We are currently getting our house ready for sale. It’s too big and we want one floor living. I know it will be hard for us and for the kids but this isn’t a retirement home.

[-]

Ray_The_Engineer@reddit

Ha, we actually bought something bigger than our old house, BUT, the middle floor has everything we need if we needed to go to 1 floor living. There's a finished basement setup with bedroom, kitchenette and full bath for visitors, so that's what added square footage. It's been handy; people can stay and we don't all bump into each other.

[-]

Starkville@reddit

I cannot WAIT to get my kids’ crap out of our apartment.

[-]

_sp00ky_@reddit

We talked about renos, but decided that this house wouldn't just suit us as we moved into our "golden years" (small, multi-level old farm house) no matter what we did so we sold our family home of 25 years, and bought something different.

I had been in a constant cycle of updating, repairs, changing, over that quarter century, and it was time. We took 6 months to find our next home, and it wasn't fun for sure,. but for us it was the best option.

We had some updates done while we prepped to sell the family house (new flooring throughout, and a new addition built) and living through that sucked, I cannot imagine a full gut and reno.

It was emotional, but best for us, and we basically sold the house to ourselves, 25 years ago (young couple starting out) so in the end, our 137 year old farm house, will hopefully watch another family grow.

[-]

LeighofMar@reddit

I was an emptynester at 40 and my SO was 55 eight years ago. My son's room is now SO's room (separate bedrooms for the win), and the workout room. We added a porch last year, redid the dining room, will tackle the kitchen next to my dream cottage kitchen and plan on adding a garage for SO to tinker around in. I'm having the most fun decorating this house the way I want than any of my former homes and I love it.

[-]

CitizenChatt@reddit

We opened up our floor plan just before COVID, and are now gearing up onto convert one of the kids rooms into an office/den.

The family room is getting a makeover, and the 4th bedroom is about to become the movie theater with sound panels and all.

I am excited 😊

[-]

LayerNo3634@reddit

We talked about reno, but ended up downsizing and buying new. Then retired a year later, sold that, and moved to the sticks. Bought a dump that we took down to the studs and completely reimagined. Came out incredible. I will warn you: today $110k will get a kitchen and bathroom reno, maybe. Prices are insane. We spent more for reno than we paid for property.

[-]

ONROSREPUS@reddit

I suggest doing a lot of home tours. That way you can see what others have done that you may like or dislike. My wife and I went on at least 50 home tours before we built our house. It helped us a bunch on colors and patterns that she like. I didn't care for that it just needed a big enough garage and a basement are for my hobbies. The rest of the decorating was all on her.

[-]

ZupertoastNew@reddit

For the style question, we spent a few months just looking at magazines and Pinterest to figure out what we actually liked. Turns out our taste had completely changed from when we were raising kids. Give yourselves time to explore what you want now, not what you thought you wanted 20 years ago.

[-]

Super_College100@reddit

Same boat here. We used realm to help figure out realistic costs and find contractors who understood what we were trying to do. They matched us with someone who had done a lot of empty nester transformations and really got it. Made the whole process easier. $110K sounds about right for that scope of work.

[-]

EldenBoredAF@reddit

We did exactly this at 62. It was both emotional and liberating. We lived through the construction and honestly it wasn't as bad as we feared. The excitement of seeing the transformation happen daily made up for the inconvenience.

[-]

Suspicious-Loss-7314@reddit

My husband and I are about two years out from the youngest going to college. I think we're gonna sell the big family home and move. Some of our kids will be upset about this. But we've sacrificed a lot to live in a big house with a big yard in a suburb. We are tired of the upkeep and would like to be freed up to do other things. I'd like my husband and I to finally have the chance to make choices for ourselves.

[-]

cloud_watcher@reddit

Don’t forget about grandchildren. Before you know it you may be back to the locks-on-cabinets stage.

[-]

Zealousideal-Bite735@reddit

At 63 I moved to a retirement building. I don’t want to deal with upkeep. I want to lock my doors and go whenever I want without depending on house checks, snow shovelling, grass. I have a lovely place where I look out on my balcony to trees, gardens and more. I just am also planning in case something physical happens to me and I become dependent on services and adapting my home or worse having someone clean it out and find a care home and believe me I have experience doing that for people.

[-]

temerairevm@reddit

I work in construction. $110k sounds low for that scale with kitchen included. If you can afford it, move out. Unless the Reno includes a downstairs bar that could become a temporary kitchenette.

My only other caution is I have a friend doing a similar scale Reno that was supposed to be done in November and it’s still not done.

[-]

TXtogo@reddit

We haven’t decided to stay in the house we are in so we keep delaying renovations, if we commit we will do it. We probably need as much money for the outside/backyard as we do inside. We’d like to build a little casita to act as a pool house/separate gym with an outdoor kitchen attached to it and a hot tub. We have a pool and we need to modernize that whole space. Inside it’s the normal stuff, we love the layout of our house so it’s just flooring, paint, appliances and cabinets.

[-]

AffectionateDraw4416@reddit

Only child moved out 4 years ago, finally gotten his room cleaned out last year. His old room is now a guest room and the old guest room is my craft room, quilting, crochet and antique oil lamp parts storage for now. There are a few of his old toys up there stored but thats ok. I helps us remember plus his house is not large enough for it yet. I may use the old baby clothes for a quilt project since he won't be having any kids of his own. We can't remodel because our house, it's a log cabin and has only 2 load bearing walls. So move furniture and change colors of items for effect. I had recently been on an oil lamp kick and found 3 with green slag glass, and am looking at the 4th.

[-]

hapster85@reddit

We're late 50s. Our youngest still technically lives at home, but spends half his time at his GF's and works full time, so we really don't see him much. After deciding that we did not want to move, we finished the basement about 6 years ago. After the two older kids moved out, we converted one bedroom into an office, and the other into a guest room. Got new flooring on most of the main floor as well.

When we get older and the stairs to the basement become an issue, we'll add a stair lift.

[-]

WillDupage@reddit

My parents gradually reclaimed their house after my brother & I moved out. The porch was rebuilt into a 3 season room, my room is the office, my brother’s room is the hobby/guest room, and the kitchen was redone. I briefly moved back in at 30 because I relocated back to Chicagoland and my house in WI had not sold yet. I was in the guest room and my clothes were in a wardrobe box in the garage (“Mom, can you move the Buick? I need my suit out of the box.”). They loved having me there but made it clear that this was strictly temporary. Mom is still in the same house at 88 and it suits her needs to stay in place.

[-]

Antique-Show-4459@reddit

Definitely keep aging in mind if this is your forever home. Not sure if you have levels or if ranch style. Stairs as you age are not your friend. Carrying that laundry basket up and down the steps isn’t as easy after a knee replacement. Think about future You. Best wishes!

[-]

PahzTakesPhotos@reddit

After the second of three kids moved out, the husband turned that bedroom into his "train room". He does N-scale model trains. He chose N-scale because it is smaller and you can get more into the limited space.

Kid three moved out (she did the dorm thing for a couple of years), and after awhile, kid two moved home.

The husband decided a few years ago to move his train stuff to the basement because the bedroom was getting too small. There was a whole nutty sequence of events that came from that move, which included rebuilding the entire deck on the back of the house. (no, it doesn't make sense!).

But now the husband spends most of his time in the basement, playing with his trains.

[-]

IKnowAllSeven@reddit

I just want to warn you…a friend of mine discovered renting a warehouse space isn’t THAT expensive…so that’s where he goes to work every day, on his trains! lol (his wife is thrilled, I just think it’s funny)

[-]

PahzTakesPhotos@reddit

SHHH! Not so loud! He might hear you!

[-]

Epicassion@reddit

My wife took the top floor with 2 bedrooms. Office and fitness room. She loves having her space. Main floor is next. Trying to figure if I want to move my office there or not. House finally feels like we have enough space. It's more of what we want to do with it and great to get everyone else out.

[-]

Kindly-Might-1879@reddit

My husband (57) and I (55) have definitely rearranged things. My daughter’s room is currently my office as I WFH. Once we clean out my son’s room, I’ll move my office (and the home office) in there and my daughter’s room will be the guest room/mini gym.

Our previous office is now a music room for my husband, who has renewed his love for piano.

We also renovated the kitchen right around when they moved out. It’s kinda fun (and a little sad for me) that when they visit they have to ask me where anything is in the kitchen lol.

[-]

Leaf-Stars@reddit

Turned our daughters room into a pantry

[-]

Adrift715@reddit

We up and moved 2300 miles so everything went. We only packed a POD of sentimental items, our retirement home came furnished. We enjoyed a very brief respite but then came the dog toys, they’re usually scattered all over the house. Then we welcomed our first grandchild in 2022 and hubs went a bit crazy making sure we had everything they might need during visits. Then grandbaby #2 came, she lives nearby and is here at least 3 times a month. We ended up with a van load of baby and toddler toys during our last visit to see grandchild #1. Our TV room looks like a day care center. It’s fun and won’t last forever.

[-]

Finding_Way_@reddit

At 63 if you plan to sge in place make changes to accommodate that. The Retirement board here on Reddit has great ideas we utilized.

Otherwise we put some money into upgrading our kitchen and primary bathroom ... LONG overdue.

One kid's room is a dedicated guest room with now a queen bed rather than bunk beds. Another has the adult kids' stuff in it. A third is a home office that will be a 'study/, library ' upon retirement.

We do have an ADU the kids boomerang back to for long term stays. They renovated that. They are welcome to the other rooms as needed too.

Finally, a flex room has exercise equipment suitable for as we age.

Kids helped with moving things, picking colors, etc Oldest ones are fully launched. Others still use ADU and kids room. In this economy? I expect intergenerational living.

The garage has large Tupperware bins of old awards, toys, etc. We just got rid of a mountain of their sports equipment (they had right of first refusal). One is a keeper of stuff. The others are not so it's been easy

Finally we don't need a hobby room, but many empty nesters create craft, gaming, bartending spaces, etc

ENJOY!

[-]

Prior_Two1814@reddit

We think about downsizing now that the kiddo is out of the house.

[-]

OkTouch5699@reddit

We (and at least 5 couples know) have downsized this past year. We actually moved about an hour and a half away. I love living in an 1100 sq ft ranch.

[-]

Pick-Up-Pennies@reddit

My home is a small three bdrm house; one room was the girls' and the other was the boys' (I have four adult children total).

They all moved out and moved on, and I turned both rooms into various studios (one is a home gym, the other is a library, and there are no beds in either).

I do watch my grandkids, but my set up is that their needs/stuff has overtaken the parlor. The back of the house is all mine and there is no room for guests.

Saying that, I have a huge table and my adult children + their families like to come over and hang a lot. But nobody is sleeping over, nor is anybody moving in.

[-]

TorrEEG@reddit

This is not exactly what you're asking, but think accessibility!

We have a ramp, walk in showers, doors all 36" and now a door to the living room in case we need a hospital bed in there.

[-]

balunstormhands@reddit

Yeah, Grandma and Grandpa died last year and we took care of them for years and while it was an single floor "active adult" home, the two steps out of the house were a significant obstacle at the end. We put a ramp in the garage after they had to give up the car.

An accessible bathroom and entry are vital. Look for ways to minimize walking around for things when getting up and going to bed.

[-]