My vote for the worst ever novelty record that graced the British charts, goes to Disco Duck. What would yours be?

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yorkshirewisfom@reddit

CONVOY by Larry Lingo and the Dip Sticks has to be down there somewhere. Funnily enough there is a Duck in this song too. Could it be they are both just Quackers.

Sorry.

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Jazzlike-Basil1355@reddit (OP)

Get out !

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highrisedrifter@reddit

Keith Harris and Orville with "I wish I could Fly"

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buzzfrightyears@reddit

This. Maudlin tripe. He'd fly with my boot up his arse

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ThePsychicBunny@reddit

Christmas number one as well.

Who bought that shite?

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zxstanyxz@reddit

Can confirm, was 8 that year and loved it

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loranlily@reddit

Yes, only 8 year-olds. I was 7 that year and I hated it.

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Revolutionary_Ad952@reddit

I'd take a million Mr Bobby Christmas number ones over that sausage roll cunt

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celem83@reddit

There was a coordinated effort to use it to keep Take That off nr1.

Pretty sure we have Radio 1 DJs to blame

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AxewomanK156@reddit

An unnamed colleague gave it to me as a secret Santa that year. I must have been really unpopular

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rynchenzo@reddit

People who didn't want Take That as No.1

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CryptoQuinn2@reddit

I vividly remember being over the moon Mr Blobby beat Take That to number 1

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MarsStar2301@reddit

My mum, not that we actually wanted to receive the tape for Christmas.

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Theyletfly82@reddit

I hated him so much!! He invaded everyones personal space!

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Aloogobi786@reddit

"blobby oh Mr blobby, your influence will spread throughout the land"

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RecommendationHot42@reddit

Rene & Renato - save your love. A lot of people hate it but i kind of like it

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GeordieAl@reddit

There’s no one quite like grandma by the At. Winifred’s school choir

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VariousBeat9169@reddit

The fact it kept Mike and the Mechanics “The Living Years” from being no 1 was a double whammy.

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AmbientSheep@reddit

My first thought. Those of us of a certain age were forever traumatised by it.

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autisticmonke@reddit

And why did they choose a soloist with a speech impediment?

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GeordieAl@reddit

Speech impediment for added “cuteness”

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it was some random school choir, they probably didn't have a lot of choice! Genius move though, as every kid wanted to get one for their own Grandma so they got ruthlessly pushed by the label. Probably hardly got paid for it too.

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SirVestanPance@reddit

I had managed to completely forget about this song. And now I have it playing in my head, thank you very much.

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GeordieAl@reddit

Just stick on some PWEI and all will be good again!

Wise up sucker!

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ignatiusjreillyXM@reddit

She loves me not!

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MsScaryPoppins@reddit

That song makes me want to rip my ears off

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Ashie2112@reddit

😆

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bodelia@reddit

Living next door to Alice - smokie and Roy ‘chubby’ brown

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Jazzlike-Basil1355@reddit (OP)

Alice?

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Mr_SunnyBones@reddit

Alice??

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Shashi2005@reddit

Here comes the Judge by Pigmeat Markham. The jokes are bad but the drumming is phenomenal. It's by Maurice White, founder & singer of Earth, Wind and Fire. The Band's bass player is there too.

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Mr_SunnyBones@reddit

That weirdly is regarded as one of the earliest rap songs .

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SYSTEM-J@reddit

I don't know about the worst, but can we all agree that Doctorin' The Tardis by The Timelords is the best?

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-thisname-@reddit

Justified

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George_Salt@reddit

Ancient.

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elementarydrw@reddit

Mu mu.

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narnababy@reddit

Land

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Mr_SunnyBones@reddit

Ice Cream Van

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Beautiful_Hour_4744@reddit

Id like to make a case for Them Girls The Girls by Zig and Zag

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Routine-Potential384@reddit

Bionic Santa by Chris Hill. But also Naughty Naughty Naughty by Joy Sarney.

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MovingTarget2112@reddit

Shaddup you face

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MoHeeKhan@reddit

What was that choir of kids they had on top of the pops singing about lovely grandma? That one.

You lot were some right fruitcakes back then.

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celem83@reddit

A very Blobby Christmas

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Humble-Package-8000@reddit

The Birdie Song

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soledadsister@reddit

I asked for this on the hospital radio when I had my tonsils out, but they played it before I'd come round from the anaesthetic.

AND my Nana bought me a Sooty hand puppet but sat on it while on the bus to the hospital so its head looked like roadkill by the time I got it.

Absolutely livid on both fronts.

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GuyDLakes@reddit

My Dad used to play drums around the clubs and hotels in Blackpool. He was paid obviously but also enjoyed it. He quit shortly after the birdie song came out. I asked him why and he said he said “having to play 26 choruses of the fucking birdie song”

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BellBoardMT@reddit

“We’re gonna ring rang a dong before the holiday, put your hands in the air, let me hear you say..”

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WrekTheHead@reddit

MC Miker G and DJ Sven! My God, that was awful.

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mrgonuts@reddit

Shutupyaface

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WrekTheHead@reddit

Star Trekkin'

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Whulad@reddit

As it didn’t get to number 1 (unlike in the US) I don’t think it can stand.

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Single-Position-4194@reddit

Arthur Mullard and Hylda Baker's cover of "You're The One That I Want" in 1978 was pretty bad too (but I suspect they knew it).

But "Disco Duck" definitely wins - that was terrible.

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Sad_Lingonberry_7949@reddit

Anything churned out by Simon Cowell. Not strictly novelty. But, a damn site is worse than agadoo!

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redandbluebadness@reddit

Crazy Frog imo

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Fun-Brush5136@reddit

Prince - bat dance

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DonkeyRhubarb76@reddit

Dear god, YES! How he thought that was a good idea is beyond me. Amazing musician, prone to "flights of fancy" 🤣

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FantasticWeasel@reddit

That 'Mouldy Old Dough' by Lieutenant Pigeon went to number one is one of life's most mysterious mysteries.

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geese_moe_howard@reddit

Unofficial anthem of UK stock car racing.

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GeordieAl@reddit

I actually like Mouldy old Dough! It’s a great tune!

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FantasticWeasel@reddit

I like it too but number one?

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GeordieAl@reddit

Those were different times back then! How many bands had the singers mother playing on piano, looking like she’s a old woman in her 70s when in reality she was probably just in her 40s or early 50s 🤣

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whizzdome@reddit

But .... I love it!

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Ashie2112@reddit

Thanks for reminding me of that one. Christ on a bike 😫

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ukslim@reddit

Mouldy Old Dough is a groove.

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lapsongsue@reddit

That cunt Jive Bunny.

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geese_moe_howard@reddit

First record I ever owned on tape was a Jive Bunny album.

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Glozboy@reddit

And they got THREE Number 1s! The 80s was a dreadful decade.

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lapsongsue@reddit

Innit Black Monday, Chernobyl, Arthur Fowler's Christmas club nervo.

Terrible.

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MJLDat@reddit

Every one of LadBaby’s releases.

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LeTrolleur@reddit

I hate that I even know who they are, honestly how dare they.

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OverCategory6046@reddit

Even the name makes me irrationally angry

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No-Pause6574@reddit

Grandad - Clive Dunn Two Little Boys - Rolf Harris

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HardAtWorkISwear@reddit

At least Rolf Harris was convicted for two little boys...

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No-Pause6574@reddit

I heard they were girls but let's not quibble over details

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ghotiboy77@reddit

all the comic relief ones - The Stomp especially

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More-Complaint@reddit

Agadoo. All day, every day. Oh the horror!

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narnababy@reddit

I love Agadoo and Black Lace, I think I might be their only fan 😂

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ignatiusjreillyXM@reddit

Awful but I think Black Lace did even worse eg their take on I Am The Music Man

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SeaworthinessBig4586@reddit

Yeah none of the others mentioned come close. Agadoo and Black Lace are absolutely fucking awful

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DGlass1960@reddit

The birdie song

Agadoo

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narnababy@reddit

I unironically love Agadoo, it’s on my playlist because it’s a banger 😂

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Odd_Championship7286@reddit

Upvote for agadoo

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Outrageous-Arm1945@reddit

How many did Gazza do?

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DougieHowitzerMD@reddit

Good shout m8. I remember putting a pound in the pub jukebox and leaving the poor bastards to listen to that shit 10 times in a row as me and my mates fucked off to another pub. Oh how we laughed.

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Darrowby_385@reddit

Shutupa your face. Frankly, pretty obnoxious on many levels.

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Kian-Tremayne@reddit

This is the one. As novelty records go it’s mid-tier in its shiteness, but blocking Vienna from the number one spot should have resulted in immediate extradition to The Hague.

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MirrorTotal893@reddit

And kept, Vienna off the number 1 spot

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BegoniaInBloom@reddit

This means nothing to me.

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Scottie99@reddit

Bloody awful song and poor Uktraxox.

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Theblackjamesbrown@reddit

I liked it. You're just bigoted against Italian culture

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Active_Definition_57@reddit

I suspect many Italians would be offended by its stereotyping.

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Darrowby_385@reddit

👍

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DT400andTDR@reddit

You’re the one that I want by Hilda Baker and Arthur Mullard. Look for the live performance on TOTP. It will scar you for life.

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Jazzlike-Basil1355@reddit (OP)

Oh God. Make it stop!

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majortinti@reddit

Bridget the midget by Ray Stevens

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Fibro-Mite@reddit

Loved that when I was a kid, but only because it wound up my cousin Bridget!

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Ok-Pumpkin-6203@reddit

Amazed it hasn't been posted, probably because you have all successfully managed to forget it but....

It's 'orrible being in love when you're 8 and a 1/2 - by Claire and Friends.

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Pier-Head@reddit

Shuttup You Face by Joe Dolci. It kept Utravox’s Vienna off top place.

Joe Dolce wasn’t even Italian, he came from Oz.

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SarkyMs@reddit

https://share.google/VmCaGqnSzfFbixaf3. I thought it was called “shutuppa your face.”

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Scottie99@reddit

Joe Dolce, what’s a matter you, kept Ultravix off number one.

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Adorable_Pressure958@reddit

Anything by Jive Bunny. I mean, wtf?

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No_Feedback_7772@reddit

The Chicken Song by Spitting Image. Making ears bleed since 1987

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Active_Definition_57@reddit

It was good as asketch in the shoe, it was awful as a single.

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tomvoxx@reddit

Morris Minor and the Majors - Stutter Rap. Totally unfunny.

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Decalvare_Scriptor@reddit

Whenever the Beastie Boys No Sleep Till Brooklyn comes up on our car journey playlist I still shout No! Sleep! Till bedtime!

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MirrorTotal893@reddit

Budapest by George Ezra

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Dj-Wrangler-9251@reddit

Rene and Yvette from Allo Allo doing Je t’aime

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Dj-Wrangler-9251@reddit

I wish I could fly - Keith Harris and Orville the duck

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AndrewHinds67@reddit

Any football song.

Anything by Black Lace.

Any Comic Relief song that isn't by The Young Ones with Cliff Richard.

Save Your Love by Renè and Renata.

Too many to mention really.

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notacanuckskibum@reddit

I got a brand new combine harvester

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ignatiusjreillyXM@reddit

F.U.R.B by Frankee, and the whole manufactured story used to promote it

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UntappdBeer@reddit

Star Trekking. Shite.

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WackyWhippet@reddit

Cheeky Song (touch my bum)

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14JRJ@reddit

Lembit Opik

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UntappdBeer@reddit

Has 100,000 copies in his spare room

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weedywet@reddit

Anything by The Smiths

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kernowgringo@reddit

Smurfs Pooper Scooper

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Extension_Pickle_581@reddit

Cotton eye joe was freaking awful as was crazy frog

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Grandmaster-Glitch@reddit

Tellytubbies

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mightypup1974@reddit

Doctor in Distress

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Active_Arugula_7079@reddit

Barbie Girl

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gedbhoy67@reddit

Stutter Rap

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ciro_the_immortal80@reddit

Remember, you're a womble.

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HaggisPope@reddit

There’s a lot in these comments I’d say are much worse. At least Disco Duck has a funny call and response bit in my family where one person sings “disco duck” and the other does the “quack quack”

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prustage@reddit

Grandad, grandad, we love you by Clive Dunn.

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EUskeptik@reddit

Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep. 🤢🤮

-oo-

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Carlomahone@reddit

Matchstalk Men and Matchstalk Cats and Dogs..... it's about LS Lowry and it's awful.

That pisstake of 'Convoy' by two Radio One DJ's....possibly called Convoy GB?

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Revolutionary-Key650@reddit

Dave Lee Travis was one of the criminals involved. Plastic Chicken?

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Carlomahone@reddit

Paul Burnett was the other!

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Fun_Employer_6584@reddit

Laurie Lingo and the Dipsticks. That's all you need to know

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Robotadept@reddit

Shaddap You Face " by Joe Dolce not only did it keep Vienna from getting to number one but it was the bane of my life in the 80s

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Toffeemade@reddit

Paul Hardcastle's 19

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Stained_concrete@reddit

Even worse... The cricket themed parody of '19' holy shit it was bad

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Flibertygibbert@reddit

Orville the Duck's song ..... 😵

Anything by Pinky & Perky : ruined Children's Choice every Saturday in the 60s!

Wogan singing The Floral Dance

Tony Blackburn singing about Woodrow's chopper - "Chop Chop"

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morriax42@reddit

There’s No-One Quite Like Grandma, imo the worst song ever released

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andyH1971@reddit

Morris Minor and the Majors - Stutter Rap ( no sleep til bedtime )

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14JRJ@reddit

Crazy Frog

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DominusPonsAelius@reddit

Iconic man. Awful. But bloody iconic for a reason unexplained

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SYSTEM-J@reddit

It's sad because it's almost completely superseded the original Axel F theme by Harold Faltermeyer, which is a jam.

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DominusPonsAelius@reddit

That's my original inspiration for not wanting to shit on it. Brought the melody to generations, even if bastardised. I was that 90s generation before I got into music and now I appreciate the original Alex F even more for it. Kudos for your knowledge my dude(tte)

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My god, there was no excuse for it, not even in the 70s.

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Jeopardise91@reddit

Bob The Builder. Hung about fur far too long. Makes me cringe hard.

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qualityvote2@reddit

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