What’s the funniest misunderstanding you’ve had recently?
Posted by iffyClyro@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 294 comments
Currently my wife and I are expecting twins.
Told my best mate my wife was pregnant and turned out so was his wife. I then said yeah but for me it’s times two.
He immediately starts whispering “who else did you get pregnant, is she going to find out, what are you going to do?”
FloofyRaptor@reddit
This was a long time ago and they've now both passed.
My Nan and a friend of hers she hadn't seen in years got to meet up in Weston-Super-Mare. Both of them deaf as posts but also too proud to wear their hearing aids. My Nan was telling her friend about how I was going to be going to university in a couple months and it's where a mutual friend of theirs studied. The friend was merrily chatting away about how she hadn't been to Weston in decades and how much it had changed. Both completely oblivious they were having two different conversations.
captainread@reddit
All the older people in my life are exactly the same! I really hope that when I get to that age, I won't be too stubborn to use things like hearing aids. There's evidence that using them can slow cognitive decline & protect against dementia!
Long-Fan308@reddit
I've worn two hearing aids since I was 39 (now 46) - they're so tiny and discreet people don't know I have them unless they see me who one out to pop in a new battery, and they're not super fancy - provided free on the NHS in the UK. I still can't convince my mother in law or father in law to get their hearing tested, despite them both obviously struggling. They say it would make them feel old - they're both in their late eighties 🤦🏻♀️ I think there's less of a stigma now, so hopefully as time passes there will be more people who need hearing aids actually wearing hearing aids!
piggycatnugget@reddit
My nan was like this, except she didn't wear her hearing aid because us screaming kids hurt her ears. Anyway, once her niece was visiting and told her someone had died. My nan replied with, "oh lovely, that's nice." Her strategy was a 50/50 guess of good or bad news and respond as such.
Another time she was watching TV and recalled a really interesting show about black swans, a romance, a murder and some other nonsense. Turns out she'd fallen asleep intermittently and merged a whole bunch of shows into one.
Miss my nan, she was the best!
boojes@reddit
When my grandma had dementia, she would tell us that the nursing home had taken her out on all kinds of trips. The garden centre, the cricket, church. One of the boys on the road she'd lived in grew up to be quite high up in F1. One day she was ever so pleased that he came round to take her to watch a race. She had, of course, done none of these things but had been watching the TV.
OneRandomTeaDrinker@reddit
My nan has quite bad dementia and does get trotted out to the pub, the garden centre etc about once a fortnight by the care home staff. She also makes things up. She said she’d been to Blackpool and we thought it was a load of crap (it’s an hour away at least) until we checked Facebook and found pictures of her on the annual seaside trip.
Connect_Remote2890h@reddit
bless. this was sweet to hear but so heartbreaking too. all dementias and alzheimers are such evil illnesses.
Willing_Temporary_73@reddit
Yeh my husband’s nan was a hilarious woman, we have so many great memories and stories of her and gramps we know that when she was giving him his ‘orders’ as he called them he would turn his hearing aid off and respond with “okay dear”
Willing_Temporary_73@reddit
My husband’s late Nan and great Nan used to do this, both deaf both with dementia it was quite funny, GN would be telling her daughter off for drinking or something she did years ago and Nan would be talking to her about the garden or something I do remember one year when GN turned 102 Nan was telling her off for having a small drop of sherry with her breakfast on her birthday and all GN did was tell Nan to eat her vegetables. We miss both of them, pair of characters they were
lizaanna@reddit
I hope I get to grow that old with my mum, thanks for sharing!
Wolfenights@reddit
My husband is British, I am Dutch. When I went to visit his dad for the first time in England, he offered me tea.
I don't drink thee, so I declined. A little while later, he offers me tea again. So I tell him, I don't like the taste of thee. He's verry surprised, and asks but wat do you eat?
Turns out, there is thee and tea in England. 🤣
Oroquellewen@reddit
I'm English and I don't know what you are talking about. Thee?
Literally_Taken@reddit
I think she’s using thee to refer to the drink, and tea to refer to the meal.
Wolfenights@reddit
That's wat i tried to write, but also my English grammar is not the best. I really thought you wrote them differently. ☺️
Literally_Taken@reddit
We spell both “tea”. The meal received its name from the drink.
I guessed your meaning because in French, it’s “thé”, which is similar to what you wrote.
Wolfenights@reddit
To be honest, you write thee in Dutch aswel for the drink. So I think that's why I wrote it the way I did. Thank you for the explanation.
iffyClyro@reddit (OP)
I’m Scottish and sometimes we call our lunch dinner and our dinner tea. Not sure if that’s the deal here.
meltymcface@reddit
This can be regional. Where I grew up it's breakfast, lunch and dinner, but in other places it can be breakfast, dinner and tea. caused confusion a few times!
slotbadger@reddit
They're both tea.
NeedleworkerBig3980@reddit
Me to my local cornershop keeper: Do you have any bay leaves, please?
Shopkeeper: Yeah. Here you go. Places a bottle of Baileys on the counter.
West_Inside_3112@reddit
They knew you?
boojes@reddit
I went to a fabric shop and asked for lining, the foreign assistant took me to the linen section and pronounced it line-en. Took a minute to sort that out.
NeedleworkerBig3980@reddit
Lol. That's a good one.
smolbean197@reddit
This happened to me I asked if they had any plasters (bandaids in USA) and he gave me pasta I felt too awkward to correct so I just bought it
UnacceptableUse@reddit
I would've just bought the baileys out of embarassment
Beginning-Rub8349@reddit
Maybe ask for four candles next time.
NeedleworkerBig3980@reddit
That very sketch got referenced once we realised the confusion.
Global-Macaroon-9592@reddit
Bumped into an old woman with a few West Highland Terriers a few years ago when walking my 2 Greyhounds. We were chatting away while the 5 dogs were getting acquainted and one of hers ended up underneath my male grey for a good ole sniff around the ole Crown Jewels. Pretty acceptable behaviour between dogs but this lovely old woman (we're talking 90's btw) seemed to be find it quite funny, pointed, and said "Ha, Teabag!"
Needless to say, I lost my shit at this amazing comment which wouldn't have been half as funny if someone my age had said it. But the fact that it had come out of this innocent little soul was enough to send me into a laughing fit. I then started to get a little confused when she looked over at me, as if wondering what had happened and why I was in such hysterics...
It was the dog's name...she'd named her dog Teabag (it was a white dog but had a light brown sort of tinge through it, so Teabag kinda made sense in the end.
West_Inside_3112@reddit
Did you share the reason of your laughing fit with the teabag walker?
tiptoe_only@reddit
I recently bumped into my friend's mum in the street and had a nice chat with her. Afterwards I had to have a discreet word with my friend to tell him he might want to make sure his mum knew what the phrase "friends with benefits" means, because she'd used it about us...
baylo99@reddit
I was at the dentist and he was calling out the state of my teeth to his dental nurse to record on the computer. I was HORRIFIED when he said that several of my teeth were "not pleasant".
At the end, he said all was good, and surprised, I asked him about the ones he didn't like. Turns out he had been saying "not present" as I'd previously had the teeth removed.
RockAndHardPlace81@reddit
Oh my goodness you've just reminded me what I did with my dentist... He was asking the nurse for the thing to put between my teeth, but he just said "bite!" in a commanding tone. For a microsecond, I thought he was telling me to close my teeth together despite his fingers still being in my mouth. I only closed my teeth by a millimetre before realising my mistake and stopping but he must have sensed it because he quickly looked down at me and said "NOT on my fingers!". So embarrassing!!!
no-user-names-@reddit
My dentist put what seemed to be a huge piece of cardboard in mouth for an X-ray and then said “bite down hard”. So I did. He screamed. I felt bad about it, but I’m a very obedient patient…
TheCotofPika@reddit
That's entirely his own fault. I bit my orthodontist so hard when I was a teenager that he spent the next 5 minutes lecturing me on having no pain tolerance because my mum had just given birth.
I have now given birth four times with no pain relief, and I still think I was justified because he was removing the brace components without bothering to dissolve the glue and it really hurt, and he didn't listen when I was saying to stop.
WonFriendsWithSalad@reddit
Nah, that's on him
never_ending_circles@reddit
I was at the dentist having some preparation work done for a crown. He said, "oh that's a lot of blood" and I made a scared squeak. He then clarified, "Sorry, as a dentist when I say it's a lot of blood, it's not the same as when an obgyn says it. We just don't expect much bleeding."
JackyRaven@reddit
Approaching a roundabout at night on a main road, I needed to flash my lights at an oncoming vehicle to warn the idiot driver they hadn't got their lights on. As they flashed me, I realised I hadn't got my lights on, either...
Neilybabs@reddit
A few years ago I worked at Waitrose on the meat and fish counter. It was quite soon after opening in the morning and I was still laying out some fish on the counter when an old lady approached me with her shopping wheeler and said to me "where would we be without seamen?". To which I replied "well, not very far madam". By this point my colleague on the meat counter had ducked below the counter and you could just see the top of his hat bobbing up and down where he was laughing so hard 😂😂.
Paradroid808@reddit
Not me and not that recent.. told to me by a female school teacher friend recently and happened a few years ago..
They had a new teacher start and this guy was nice enough just a little 'odd.' I can't remember the specifics of why she and other staff felt like that, but that was the impression.
Anyway my friend wasn't the head teacher but she was a 'senior teacher' or whatever the title was which entailed acting as a point of contact for other teachers to come to if they had an issues.
Anyway this new teacher came to her after only a week or two with a serious complaint. The school had a sizeable gym adjacent which was used by the kids but staff were free to use it at lunch times and maybe after school.
The guy recounted that while he was at the gym someone had gone into his bag, taken out all his clothes and replaced them with female clothes, bra etc; and that this was clearly being done to him since they had a problem with him being gay (which was news to everyone.) Anyway this was taken very seriously as it should be and was elevated to the head teacher at which point an investigation ensued.
Turns out the dude picked up the wrong bag which was similar to his but belonged to a female gym goer..
Not sure how you would ever live that one down!
JackyRaven@reddit
Meanwhile, a female teacher is in tears because she had all her clothes stolen & feels really upset that people are "accusing" her of looking butch & subjecting her to homophobic bullying!
StitchyBitchyWitchy@reddit
My sister in law was in hospital and kept hearing the nurses talking to this one patient, who they referred to as mystery man. She figured it was possibly an amnesia patient, or homeless person.
It was neither. It was a Mr Iman
KatVanWall@reddit
I used to work with a woman with the surname Mistry, and in Leicester it’s àbout as common as Smith, so I never gave it a second thought. Then one day she told me she used to sometimes get clocked as a ‘mystery shopper’ when booking hotels and would get extra good service because of that! 😆
info_me1@reddit
I’m from Leicester too and I totally see this 😂😂
SpeechWeird5267@reddit
🤣😏
Tattycakes@reddit
Oh that’s a good omen
SpeechWeird5267@reddit
🤣🤣
decidedlyindecisive@reddit
When I was a receptionist I received a call asking to speak with "Fiona". I cracked our records and couldn't find a single Fiona so figured she no longer worked here. Went back and forth a couple of times with the caller insisting to speak with Fiona.
Eventually, in the most frustrated and broadest Essex accent imaginable the caller finally says "nah, vi owna ov va cumpny"
SpeechWeird5267@reddit
🤣🤣
Realistic_Ad9820@reddit
Went for a Thai massage in Thailand, expecting something like the standard calming massage you see on TV. I'm a woman, by the way.
Taken to a room by a male massage specialist who speaks almost no English. Proceeds to apply the Thai massage thoroughly for 2 hours, which actually consists of being contorted into painful positions, being stood on, and generally manhandled to the point of almost passing out from pain at a few points. The lack of a shared language meant that I just had to go along with everything.
Walked out feeling completely beaten up, but the next day I felt AWESOME. I can't decide whether to go through with it again.
x_Seraphina@reddit
There's actually a place nearby me like this! I always request a female masseuse because I'm not comfortable being down to my panties in front of a strange man lol. But they're usually pretty thin with small frames, so you'd think there's no way they can kick your ass via massage. Not true LOL. They pop the shit out of my back too. It's incredible. After you've done it a few times it starts to hurt good even during it because you know how much it's helping, and how good you'll feel later. BUT maybe a man would actually be a little too strong even if he's careful, so try seeing a woman and see if it hurts less but still feels as good after.
Btw, the relaxing massages like on TV are Swedish massages. Thai, deep tissue, and sports massages hurt like a mf but they help a lot if you actually need them for a specific reason.
ileisen@reddit
I got a sports massage during a Brazilian jiujitsu tournament and holy shit- it hurt worse than anything else I had experienced that day! (And I had a woman driving her elbow into my collarbone just before!) I did feel so much better after and got bronze in my belt level so it must have worked!!
iamsheena@reddit
Thai massages are the best massages. Getting them for like £9 in Thailand didn't hurt either.
nihilistkitty@reddit
My mate is a Thai masseuse, she speaks English but it doesn't matter, the beating is still the same. They do work wonders though. I have a bad back and she can fix it in one hours when it starts to spasm. Highly recommend them to anyone.
iBewafa@reddit
I usually get a bad headache straight after the massage - so now I’ve become reluctant to get one despite needing one badly lol.
x_Seraphina@reddit
LOL. So true. I see a Thai masseuse every once in a while. The one I see most often, her English is pretty much fluent. She beats the shit out of me.
Most_Moose_2637@reddit
Same, I'm a fairly heavy bloke and these Thai ladies took it as a challenge, I got rolled up like the therapist was a dung beetle.
FlickeryVisionnn@reddit
I was getting one and was obligatory getting man handled all over by this 4’11 old woman, making some right noises. My mate was getting one in the next ‘room’ and all I could hear was him laughing at me. The woman giving his massage just pulled the curtain back which was separating the rooms and he was in tears laughing at me.
flipflopsandwich@reddit
😂😂😂😂
flipflopsandwich@reddit
This is fucking hilarious
Suspicious_Garlic_79@reddit
My partner and I had bruises from ours! Best massage ever.
Maus_Sveti@reddit
Oh no the Thai massage I’ve had in Thailand hurts, but you feel amazing afterwards!
TheFortyFourthSunset@reddit
When I worked in retail, boss rang me up to see if I’d like to take on a last minute shift. Explained I couldn’t as I’d gone to Powys on a day trip. “Oh, wow. That’s so cool” boss replied. “You’ll have to tell me all about it next week”. I was a bit mystified at the excitement on her part.
When I was back at work the following week, realised I’d been misheard, and a story had gone round that I’d taken a day trip to Paris. I was too embarrassed to correct the rumours.
dearhummingbird@reddit
I was recently in hospital and an older woman was in the bed next to me and had broken her ankle so she couldn’t get up on her own. She asked the nurse if she could ‘spend a penny’ and they sorted her out a bed pan. However, I went to go have a shower later in the day and my partner said there was a palaver where the old woman tried to escape to go to the shops and the nurses were panicking. He said the woman kept saying she needed to ‘spend a penny’ and was trying to get out of the bed. Everyone, including my partner, had apparently never heard the phrase and assumed she literally wanted to spend some money.
Imaginary-Hornet-397@reddit
You would have thought the woman would have used a different phrase, once she realised they weren't letting her out of bed.
dearhummingbird@reddit
She probably didn’t think it would be polite to be more explicit / direct, bless her.
OneWeirdTrick@reddit
Few years ago, met a friend who was running late. She apologised and said she'd just been to see a rival and it took longer than expected.
All kinds of things went through my head... who was this rival?? How do you get a rival in the first place? What had transpired that made her run late?
Until I asked her to clarify... She'd just come from the cinema. Where she had seen 'Arrival'.
secretrebel@reddit
Brilliant image of your friend delayed because she’d been fighting a duel…
survivethismf@reddit
I’m from the UK and years ago my husband and I went on holiday to Greece. This was just after the UK had just voted for Brexit.
My husband went off to the gym, and I decided to take a trip to the sauna/steam to relax. I took a visit to the sauna first where there was 4 other people inside. Not ideal as I have crippling social anxiety, and 4 others squashed in a sauna together wasn’t my idea of relaxing. But it got worse, one of the sauna-goers decided it would be a great idea to introduce ourselves and where we‘re from. Great.
So we go around the circle. There was someone from France, Italy and a couple of people from Germany. And then it was my turn. I was already hesitant due to the fact we had just voted to leave the EU.
So they ask me and here’s how it went;
Them: So where are you from?
Me: UK (queue awkwardness)
Them: Are you from London?
Me: No, Surrey. (Surrey being a place just outside of London
Them: (smiling to each other) You don’t need to apologise.
Me: No, Surrey
Them: more laughing between themselves
I was far too socially awkward to correct myself, so I left shortly after that.
tiptoe_only@reddit
This exact same thing happened when I started uni and was getting to know my new flatmates. It wasn't a sauna but we were pretty steaming 😀
From then on if one of us needed to apologise for something small like knocking into someone we'd say "I'm TERRIBLY sorry, I'm from SURREY" in an exaggerated home counties accent (I was the one who didn't have to fake it!)
yello_walls@reddit
😂 (surrey)
freakybo0o@reddit
Oh I'm getting second hand anxiety reading this
this_HOAR_wants_MOAR@reddit
Not recent but a few yrs ago, I was in a petrol station at the till and there was a waist high shelf behind me. My cousin who is two yrs younger than me was on the other side of the shelf with my young daughter on her right hip. I started ducking down and popping up saying peekaboo and all three of us were laughing. I noticed a shop assistant about 6ft away to the left of my cousin giving us weird looks. I just smiled at her n carried on. The game ended with me ducking down, creeping round and grabbing baby's feet n shouting peekaboo.
The woman that had been staring walked over laughing and said "omg I thought you were playing with your daughter... I didn't realise there was a baby there."
WTF. I was 34 and my cousin was 32. So I must have looked old af and my cousin must have looked like she was on the spectrum cuz that's the only thing we could think of to explain why she would think I was playing peekaboo with my 32yo "daughter".
We didn't even correct her though. We just politely laughed and left. We put it down to my bare face and my cousin's fringe that she had recently cut in. It was awful.
FoxyOcelot@reddit
My husband is a great cook, so I went to buy him a decent chef's knife for his birthday. Had the baby in the pushchair. I'm in John Lewis and, as you do, by sheer force of habit, I was narrating everything to the sprog (I'd been on mat leave for six endless months). "We need a knife for Daddy now. Is this a nice big sharp knife for Daddy? Oh, this one feels lovely."
20something kid manning the knives concession approaches looking fucking terrified .
"Is everything all right, ma'am?" "Fine, yes, just choosing a knife." "Yes...uh...is everything all right?" "Yes, of course. Fine. " "But..." "...I was talking out loud, wasn't I."
He indicated yes. I indicated the baby. He looked like he might cry with relief.
MolluscsGonnaMollusc@reddit
Hahahahaaa omg 😂 I relate so much to this! Sometimes, also out of habit, I say things out loud when my child isn't even there 🤦♀️
Gingy2210@reddit
I say "its going to be noisy" out of habit if I hoover or put the blender on. Thing is my children are now adults and have children of their own. Its usually just me and I'm warning my husband! 🤣
OneRandomTeaDrinker@reddit
As an AuDHD adult I wish my husband would say “it’s going to be noisy” before he revs the drill or something. Guess that may be a perk of parenthood when it comes to
FoxyOcelot@reddit
Next stop: Taking a taxi to an important meeting with three senior members of staff, and interrupting one to excitedly point out a digger.
MolluscsGonnaMollusc@reddit
I said "moo" when I saw a cow today. Luckily the client hadn't arrived yet and it was just me and my boss.
glittermaniac@reddit
I find myself singing to myself about the colours of the cars in traffic, only to realise that none of my children are in the car with me…
DefiantArm9@reddit
Registering my son at the GP when he was a couple of days old, I'm giving the receptionist his info and she has my details up as well. I'm Sharon Peters, dad is David Green, we're not married but decided not to hyphenate the surname so I gave our son my surname as his middle name, Jacob Peter Green*. Receptionist asks for his first name, done. Any middle names, yes Peter. She stops, looks at me and says "you've named him Jacob Peter Peters" while looking at my info. I said "no he has his dad's surname, Green" and she just sat there looking really confused before going "ahh you're a Miss not a Mrs".
I still to this day, nearly 16 years later, wonder why it was so hard for her to understand!
*Names changed for obvious reasons
Tattycakes@reddit
You must have sounded like you were planning his murder
TheCotofPika@reddit
My little sister was due to go in for an operation, I was 20, she was 5. I was at hospital with her and our mum and cuddling her as I hadn't seen her for a while due to University. The doctors kept coming in to discuss everything with me and ignored our mum. It didn't occur to me that they thought I was the mum until they referred to my mum as nanny. I thought it was hilarious, my mum was in her early 40's and did not.
Breadcrumbsandbows@reddit
When my sister and I were little, mum was talking to us over the shelving rack telling us to come back and behave. A concerned security guard came over and gently asked if she was alright and if there was someone they could call. When she replied she was just talking to her children, who had now scampered off to a different aisle,they were even more concerned.
this_HOAR_wants_MOAR@reddit
HA! 😂
Georgii18@reddit
When I was booking the appointment to give notice of marriage, I thought the woman asked "Why are you getting married?" It really threw me, so I started rambling on saying that we have been together a long time and want to be married. She then stopped me and said "No, WHERE are you getting married?"
motherofpearl89@reddit
This is understandable haha
The appointment to give notice was much more intense and question heavy than I'd anticipated so I definitely rambled and it could see myself doing this.
werewolfbutch874@reddit
My wife and I were a bit nervous at ours because she’s an immigrant and we didn’t want them to think we were just marrying for the visa or anything (we probably didn’t need to worry, she was already covered by her work visa anyway, but you never know). During her interview they asked her for some details about me and she got my birthday wrong! She has never lived it down.
OneRandomTeaDrinker@reddit
I got my dad’s middle name wrong on my notice application as he never uses it, I said Kevin and it’s Kenneth. Dad has never forgiven me
ThisIsSpata@reddit
Me and my husband got a house in a different town, while still renting in London. He did a bunch of renovations and lived there for a couple months before we could move there fully. In this time, he met most of our neighbours. One of them, a couple in the their 70s, told him they spend a lot of their time going out with their caravan. My husband, who is from Romania, took that to mean they are part of a circus, and they go around with the circus most of the year. He didn't mention the whole interaction, or their age, he just told me we are neighbours with two circus artists.
I almost died laughing when I met them the first time, they are old and can barely walk lol, but somehow my husband clocked them as circus artists.
New_Question_3671@reddit
I love this!!! I really needed to laugh today! Thank you for sharing!!!!
TeHNeutral@reddit
Say what you will about him, your husband definitely isn't ageist
saxshullaballoo@reddit
I'm belly laughing in bed right now and my cat has just jumped off my lap and left the room
bettyboo5@reddit
Same but I have a dog!
flipflopsandwich@reddit
This has made me laugh so hard 😂😂😂
MapOfIllHealth@reddit
Me as a teen explaining to my grandma whay I’d learnt in Science class about cells, organs and organisms.
Cue my elderly grandma asking “so what exactly is an orgasm?”
I’m still not convinced she said the wrong word.
werewolfbutch874@reddit
I mixed up orgasm and organism in a year 9 biology lesson once… harrowing!
custardcrumpet@reddit
Our neighbours include a daughter in her late 30s/early 40s who has learning difficulties. She's really friendly and gets excited by our dog.
One day, we were on our way back from a dog walk when we see a youngish tradesman just starting to walk down our neighbour's driveway.
The daughter opens the front door in anticipation of the tradesman but spots us walking past behind with our dog, so she excitedly shouts out "Hello gorgeous!" and starts making kissing noises.
I saw the tradesman do a little jump/pause and I'm sure he had a moment of panic, wondering what he was about to encounter, if the greeting outside was already so bold!
I'm not sure the neighbour even noticed - she was too busy enjoying the unfiltered joy of seeing our dog.
We had a good chuckle once we got in!
sunandskyandrainbows@reddit
I was on a night out with friends about 20 years ago. Must have been in my late teens. A guy starts hitting on me, I found him a bit annoying and asked a friend who he was (it was a large group of people who all knew each other). She goes 'that's Jamie Lidell, he's the absolute best, he's amazing, blah blah blah. And I was like hm ok fair enough then, and we start making out. I see my friend's appalled look, I'm like what what's wrong and she goes 'this guy is such a douche'. But I thought he was the best? Turns out, I was not kissing Jamie Lidell, it was his song that was on when I asked her who the guy was!
ComeDanceWithMe2nite@reddit
I was in a Decathlon not too long ago browsing some small sports equipment and a lady nearby started rubbing some massage balls up and down her thigh while looking at me suggestively. She goes “yeah it feels sooo good” I thought we’ve got a right one here I do attract them - so I humoured her and responded “oooh is that nice is it? Does it feel nice? Glad it’s good” She carries on rubbing and ignores me then I hear a man right behind me “get them if you like them they’ll help your injury” I turn round and she’s chatting to her husband.
jeffhernamewasjeff@reddit
😂😂 did they acknowledge your comments?
ComeDanceWithMe2nite@reddit
They did not! Probably thought we’ve got a right one here!
ComeDanceWithMe2nite@reddit
I also asked a stranger in Spoons to clear my table because I thought she was in Spoons uniform. She was not. She looked as equally confused as I did. My daughter had to explain she didn’t work there.
On an aeroplane I was busy making myself comfy in a middle seat and looked up wondering why the queue of people went all the way up to the front of the plane, about ten rows in front of me. Apparently a lady had said excuse me as hers was the window seat on the other side of me. She was just standing there waiting for me to move, assuming I’d heard her. Then suddenly I hear my daughter from a few rows behind “mum, mum, MUMMY…LOOK UP, MOVE!!!”
boudicas_shield@reddit
Oh I did something like the first one once. I was in a shop that required staff to unlock the dressing rooms, and a young woman was standing there with a bunch of keys on a lanyard around her neck chatting to her pal. I waited and waited and finally interrupted sort of impatiently and said, "Sorry, can I get the dressing room?"
Turns out she didn't work there, of course. I was extremely embarrassed, especially since I'd been a bit short with her!
BobBobBobBobBobDave@reddit
You and me could form a club. I am fairly sure I have propositioned people accidentally more often than I have deliberately.
Giovannis_roommate@reddit
I thought my neighbour was pregnant and congratulated her. She looked at me with embarrassment and said that she gained weight. I was mortified and apologized profusely but I feel like shit now and scared to meet her again
ajsadler@reddit
Someone could be perceivably 9 months pregnant and buying baby clothes, and I'd still avoid assuming anything until they, unprompted, explicitly said that they were pregnant.
boudicas_shield@reddit
This is the right instinct, because I have chronic stomach issues that make me bloat terribly - I can look 4-5 months pregnant on a bad day - and my sister-in-law just announced her pregnancy. There may indeed be days coming up this summer where I'm purchasing baby clothes and do indeed look visibly pregnant, and I'm going to feel very awkward if people come up and congratulate me. Best not to assume!
magicaltrevor953@reddit
At the baby shower with a sash saying mum-to-be, still best not to assume.
BeatificBanana@reddit
They're on their back, screaming in a hospital bed as the childs head is visibly crowning - still safest not to assume
MyDarlingArmadillo@reddit
One of my colleagues got to 8 or 9 months and I still managed not to ask. I just politely assumed it was pies till she mentioned something.
cayosonia@reddit
A guy at work said to me that he heard congrats were in order. I laughed and told him I wasn't pregnant, he said it was the most embarrassed he had ever been. I told him he should get out more.
In all fairness I had to have a 7lb cyst removed from one of my tubes a couple of months later.
Tattycakes@reddit
Congratulations! It’s a cyst
cayosonia@reddit
Yay your body is making up its own organs!!
Fine_Analyst_4408@reddit
The advice is typically don't congratulate a woman on her pregnancy unless she's told you or you see the baby coming out of her.
cayosonia@reddit
On a bus it is better to see a pregnant woman standing than a fat girl sitting down crying /s
BeatificBanana@reddit
I know this was a joke comment but worth saying, you can offer someone your seat without stating the reason why you're offering.
"Oh please, take my seat, I'll stand. No go on, you're pregnant, you need it" - No
"Would you like to sit down? I'm getting off at the next stop anyway." - Yes
cayosonia@reddit
Yes it's a joke, I find that if you always assume that the other person is acting with good intentions you can never go wrong. Somebody mistakenly thinking you're pregnant is acting with good intentions. I'm quite tubby and I can look pregnant although nowadays I am happy people think I look young enough to be pregnant!
DameKumquat@reddit
Absolutely.
Even though one time it backfired - my college mates organised a reunion dinner, about 40 guys and 5 women, including two couples where two students had married. One of them, we'll call Jane, was pregnant with her husband Jim. Jane had always been sensitive about being a bit podgy. She looked pregnant, but no-one was going to be the first to say that. A bunch of lads asked my advice and I confirmed it was 99% likely she was pregnant, but we'd all better not risk it. So they spent a couple hours trying to raise the subject of kids in general - no response. Until the next day Jane was apparently upset no-one had asked about her pregnancy! Which means we all think she's fat!
Turned out Jim had been told by her not to tell anyone, earlier, and so he'd very carefully said nothing,been though this was long past 12 weeks...
BeatificBanana@reddit
That is 100% her problem and no one else's. Everyone knows you're not supposed to mention a possible pregnancy unless you've been told by the expecting couple! Totally on her. But pregnancy brain can cause really weird emotions.
DameKumquat@reddit
Yes, she got over it once the entire planet including her sister and mum told her she was being daft (and we all insisted she wasn't fat and we all were 99.9% sure she was in fact pregnant...)
Giovannis_roommate@reddit
Yep, I was a moron. I won't make any pregnancy related comments ever again
Fine_Analyst_4408@reddit
Honest mistake, it sucks that it happened but you've learned from it!
BeatificBanana@reddit
Oh dear. Clearly nobody ever taught you the number 1 most important rule when it comes to pregnancy. The only moment when it's safe to assume someone's pregnant when they haven't told you they are pregnant is if you can literally see a child coming out of their birth canal. And even then it's not worth the risk.
Never ever ever assume someone is pregnant. No matter how far along they look!
queenslay1283@reddit
idk if this is a misunderstanding but i was speaking to my grandad yesterday about how i went to the gym earlier than usual and some guys came over asking how many sets i had left. he said, “so they were trying to not pay for the machine!? bunking on it with your money!?”. he thought that you had to pay PER MACHINE you used in the gym, like an arcade or a fair ride 😭🥺
sanehamster@reddit
A newly joined colleague said his previous job had been in Warsaw. Me asking him if he had Polish friends might have confused him. Wallsall - he'd been working in Wallsall.
Careless-Wonder7886@reddit
I was driving my mum to the hospital on a super hot sunny day.
The attendant approached my car and as I wound the window down he said, "looks like you're steaming there mate". I replied, "yeah, I'm sweating mate" and drove on.
It was only when I pulled over to park I noticed steam coming from the bonnet of my car 🤣🤣
iffyClyro@reddit (OP)
In Scotland that would mean you look pissed.
Cuckaine@reddit
Magic username, mon the biff
automatic_shark@reddit
saw them at the Rickshaw Stop in San Francisco years ago. Absoutley tiny venue, if you got 250 people in there you'd be pretty shoulder to shoulder. Was extremely drunk and taking a piss and just said "I can't believe we're seeing Biffy Clyro here (in a shocked manner)." Guy next to me just goes, "I can't believe we're playing here"
Excellent show though.
sapphire-sky-dragon@reddit
Greater Manchester means pissed off too.
Lumpy_Benefit666@reddit
Im english and that what it would mean to me as well
mollyuel@reddit
you got me and my sister dying over here
Tricky-Reporter-5246@reddit
Sure it's not your engine failing?
Lol.
AbbreviationsCold161@reddit
Ooo what a funny story -AP
Rawlinson20@reddit
I wonder who got the power pack...
sbath94@reddit
... News
ExaminationDefiant13@reddit
When I had just had my baby and my health visitor was over to visit us. HV says ‘So, how is baby feeding?’ My very tired brain makes me say ‘Oh, she’s doing well.’ HV laughs and says ‘No, HOW are you feeding her? Breast or bottle?’
I felt very stupid, haha!
MolluscsGonnaMollusc@reddit
I did exactly the same 😂
Nook-Incs-Pet@reddit
I’m a health visitor and I often have this exact exchange! You’ve done nothing wrong, I really should learn to be more clear!
Congratulations btw :)
glittermaniac@reddit
Mine is coming to do my 2 weeks check today, I shall watch out for this!
OrangeCushion256@reddit
Honestly, "doing well" is a perfectly acceptable answer to a question phrased that way.
"How are you feeding baby?" Is far clearer.
Beemzebub@reddit
What are you feeding the baby with would be even clearerererer
OrangeCushion256@reddit
"Are you breast, bottle or combination feeding?" Would also work.
ExaminationDefiant13@reddit
Yeah, I guess so! :)
catsnstuff17@reddit
Nah, you gave a totally legit answer there, the health visitor should have phrased the question more clearly.
ExaminationDefiant13@reddit
Haha, thank you. I felt stupid at the time but you’re right. :)
berserkemu@reddit
Asking if the baby is feeding well is something health visitors do. You did nothing wrong.
Pepperoni-Pineapple@reddit
I’ve done that before too! They should really ask “how are you feeding baby” but maybe it keeps them entertained!
birchblonde@reddit
Meh, that one’s an easy mistake to make
goldentapestry@reddit
I totally think I’ve done that too and not even clocked until I read your comment!
Embarrassed-Emu-8051@reddit
My grandma used to do loads of these. Her granddaughters boyfriend said he wanted to join the army. This was a few years ago now. She said ‘I don’t want him to join the army and go fighting in Gaviscon’ (she meant Afghanistan). Another favourite is when she accidentally used tooth paste instead of her pile cream, which let to us winding her up by saying ‘at least you’ll have a ring of confidence!’
There was also the one where I was going out a lot at university and she warned me off drinking ‘those WD40s’ when in reality she meant WKDs.
She’s passed now but we laugh about these often!
UsedConversation6759@reddit
this sounds like my wee granny, who's also passed unfortunately. She used to tell everyone at her church (CoI) that I was "one of those presbyterians"...I'm a vegetarian lol
ministryofboops@reddit
In England, we use the term "Fancy Dress" to mean "costumes". So if you wanted to throw a Halloween style costume party, you'd say it's 'Fancy Dress' .
On two separate occasions now, we've had foreign friends turn up to fancy dress events in smart suits, because they "thought the dress code was fancy?"
Kamikaze-X@reddit
One of the times we took our daughter to A&E, she must have been about 2 or 3 months old, and I was sleep deprived due to her having a serious dairy intolerance
Doctors said if she starts showing a fever to give her paracetamol
I asked how I get a 3 month old to take paracetamol tablets
They obviously meant calpol/generic liquid paracetamol
Tattycakes@reddit
To be fair, why would an adult know that the liquid formula existed until someone told them, we all just take tablets
spiderplant94@reddit
Similarly sleep deprived with a 3 month old in A&E one time, the doctor asked: "how many weeks was she?"
I replied that I was crap at working out the weeks, but it was 3 months, he looked momentarily concerned before he laughed and clarified that he meant how many weeks gestation was she when she was born.
DTH2001@reddit
Sleep deprived parents must be so par for the course there that I’m surprised that they don’t automatically dumb it down so a toddler could understand
Different-Employ9651@reddit
When Dolores O'Riordan passed away, I was at work and said "I can't believe Dolores is dead!" and another server thought it was a Game of Thrones spoiler lmao. He was wounded for a minute, then more wounded when he realised who actually passed away.
Serenaa12@reddit
David is dead. If you know, you know.
Different-Employ9651@reddit
Fuck yeah, I know lmao. Wild moment.
Pigeoncow@reddit
https://youtu.be/97pEKGNT0Xw
AnonymousTimewaster@reddit
I went for a job interview recently after a recruiter contacted me. I called her the completely wrong name on at least 3 occasions before she bothered to correct me.
flyin_jimmy@reddit
Had an older colleague who was from an Indian background. We were talking about relationships and he said he had just had his forced marriage. Me being intrigued in the workings of this especially due to his age asked a bunch of follow up questions about how long they've been together and how it was set up etc, and the answers didnt make any sense and he looked slightly confused.
I said so did your parents set this up? And he said no, why would they set it up??
"Because you said it was a forced marriage??"
Him: "oooh no! I said my 4th marriage!"
ProfessionalGrade423@reddit
When I first moved to the Uk I thought it was lovely that there was a “mother and son day”, but I was confused about why there was never a “mother and daughter” day. It took me at least 3 years to figure out that it was actually “Mothering Sunday”. Now that I write it out I’m still actually not certain that I have it right after 8 years.
hannahproasheck@reddit
mothering Sunday is correct :)
Tattycakes@reddit
We always called it mothering bumday because we’re hilarious
ProfessionalGrade423@reddit
Oh good, thank you!
x_Seraphina@reddit
Thats hilarious lmao. "Mothering Sunday" makes more sense because it sounds like "mother 'n son day".
ThrobbingGristle@reddit
Are you available 24/7 to explain the joke?
Pyjama365@reddit
It's an Anglican Church thing - you're supposed to visit your 'Mother Church' where you were baptised, to honour the ideas of a Mother Church, and motherhood as a concept of more than just biological motherhood, and also Mary. But over time, it became more synonymous with the concept of "Mothers' Day" and I'm not sure many people nowadays even know that it's a religious observance. It is still marked on the middle Sunday of Lent in the UK though (and I think Anglican churches in the Commonwealth), in contrast to the date of US Mothers' Day.
Commercial-Bat-8456@reddit
More importantly, it was part of the guild of structure in England in the middle ages. You went away to train for a year and a day and then you were a journeyman, a step up from an apprentice. However, you didn’t get to see your family during that time and this was a special holiday when you went home to acknowledge your actual mother. Yes, you may have gone to church and be somewhat acknowledging churches mother, but this was all about not seeing your mother for year
ProfessionalGrade423@reddit
Oh that is so interesting, I had no idea! Thank you for the extra context. It makes a lot of sense tbh.
jodie_jan@reddit
I might start calling it that seeing as both my kids are boys 😂
ProfessionalGrade423@reddit
I support it!
SaltSpot@reddit
Mother and Son Day is correct :)
40something_milf@reddit
II told someone I was in the porn industry and they started asking about the price of gold at the moment and if I buy/sell computer games. It actually took me a while to realise they thought I meant pawn. I just played along. Probably best not to reveal my job role to strangers anyway!
therainydayclub@reddit
A friend of mine used to work at Aldi. One day my brother came round and started talking about some problems he was having with his car. I asked what he was planning to do about it, and he said he was going to speak to my friend. I was completely confused, why would he do that? My mate doesn’t even have a car.
My brother looked just as puzzled and said, “Well, obviously… he works for Audi.”
Turns out my brother had spent years thinking my friend, someone he actually knew pretty well and had chatted with loads of times down the pub, worked for Audi, not Aldi….
TheCotofPika@reddit
My husband was doing the school run and eavesdropping on the women in front of him. One was saying how excited she and her husband were about his new job at Aldi. The other women was a bit confused and said congratulations, and then asked why Aldi and not Tesco9. First woman almost shouted "No! A-U-D-I!"
LittleSadRufus@reddit
A Middle Eastern colleague told me he'd resigned as he had a new job with Al Qaeda.
Turned out he was talking about the Arcadia retail group, hopefully he learned to pronounce it more clearly once he'd joined.
sn00pypjs@reddit
Oh no I had the same thing. Meeting my husband’s friend for the first time years ago now. I worked at a supermarket at the time and was excited to find out he worked at aldi. Nope, he was a mechanic at Audi.. Very embarrassing
pixeltash@reddit
Years ago I was trying to find an Aldi shop, this was back when they were very very new. I asked a passerby if they knew where Aldi was. They started talking about garages and saying things like I think that's a vauxhall garage not an Audi. I thought they were suggesting I ask at the garage and a very odd conversation was had.
I left them to talking about cars, thinking you do meet some odd people, only realising much much later what was actually happening.
Used_Hand_700@reddit
It's wild how a simple phrase can paint a completely wrong picture in someone's head. Your friend's immediate panic jump to a secret second pregnancy is hilarious. Congrats on the twins, by the way!
Icy-Video-3643@reddit
That's hilarious, your friend's mind went straight to a daytime TV drama plot. It's amazing how the simplest phrasing can create the wildest assumptions.
Dependent_Key5423@reddit
That's a hilarious mix-up, and it reminds me of the time I thought "Mothering Sunday" was some kind of exclusive mother-son holiday.
RazorSharpNuts@reddit
I left late to walk to school after my paperround and was pretty stressed speedwalking. I passed somebody who I THOUGHT said "Have you got time?" to which I replied "probably not but I'll be walking as fast as I can".
It was only a year or so later it popped into my head that he'd probably asked "have you got the time" and he wasn't just omniscient about every aspect of my life.
I think about it every now and then and cringe every single time.
Aucacau@reddit
I was doing one of those generic question rounds over zoom at work and I got asked “what’s your personal health?”. I laughed at the audacity but started to tell them how I look after myself and I’m lucky I rarely get sick, etc. Everyone politely let me ramble till someone clarified the question was “what’s your personal hell?”. I was mortified.
togtogtog@reddit
That was your personal hell!
Will_East_Roker@reddit
I occasionally have to go and work at Chequers (priministers residence) and Chequers (awful pub in a relatively run down town).
On the phone to my wife last week, told her I was currently in the carpark at Chequers, and noticed the driver in the car next to me, rack up a line and snort it off a tray before driving off. In my head it was clear I meant the pub, she understandably thought I meant Kier or one of his staff!
hairychris88@reddit
I'm not doubting your story but what job involves working at both a dodgy pub and also a government building which presumably requires the highest levels of security clearance?
Fyonella@reddit
Plumber, electrician, security alarm engineer, carpet fitter, gardener, window cleaner…do you need me to go on?
Any of these people might work in many different establishments in the normal course of their day.
lost_send_berries@reddit
Oh go on then
paulmclaughlin@reddit
They're a locksmith, and they're a locksmith
snarkycrumpet@reddit
cocaine delivery service?
Crafty-Strength1626@reddit
Pimp ?
Will_East_Roker@reddit
I'm an air conditioning and refrigeration engineer
GenericBrowse@reddit
Barman, glass collector, waiter/waitress, chef doing some private chef work on the side, juke box repair person, fruit machine repair person
decidedlyindecisive@reddit
Is Chequers (pub) near Pulborough?
Pyjama365@reddit
Christ, Chequers 'Wine Bar'. The stickiest floors I have ever experienced. It caused a very odd sensation to try to dance while having to peel your shoes of the floor to varying degrees with each step.
(Not a recent review, pls don't sue me Chequers if you see this, I still appreciated the £1 drinks at the time.)
Proper-Throwaway-23@reddit
This is pretty hilarious!
HobB1T27@reddit
I went into a Tescos express on the off chance they had Gee (clarified butter). I started looking around the store, no luck. Down one of the isles there were two male staff members stacking shelves from a cage, and jostling each other joking around and what not. I interrupted them and asked whether they had any gee in store. One immediately said “No, we’re are not gay” to which I explained what gee was, while laughing.
BeatificBanana@reddit
You might have to explain to me what gee is, as well. Unless you mean ghee
Arny2103@reddit
Just to clarify.
tsophies@reddit
Yesterday I told my fiance that a friend of mine who's been struggling with health has decided to go on mounjaro. He mis heard me and was utterly bewildered that the person in question had decided to climb kilamanjaro ahhaha
TheNinjaPixie@reddit
My husband was gushing over Katherine Jenkins, a very lovely opera singer, the song was a take on a Hymn. So i said "it's a hymn" he looked at me and said "it's a HER" i said, no, it's a hymn, trying to ennunciate more clearly, "it's a fucking her" came his irate reply. Bit of back and forth until i was able to convey I was not talking about her gender, but the style of song...
BeatificBanana@reddit
I love how you tried to enunciate more clearly when that obviously wasn't going to help given that "hymn" and "him" are pronounced identically. Just laughing imagining what that would've sounded like to your husband 😂
"It's a him" "It's a HER" "No, it's a HIMMMMMM"
TheNinjaPixie@reddit
That's exactly how it was!
downwithraisins@reddit
My fiancé thought David Bowie was gay because he heard he was married to Iman.
20127010603170562316@reddit
"It's a him"
Did he think you were suddenly more bigoted than usual?
TheNinjaPixie@reddit
I endeavour never to be bigoted
20127010603170562316@reddit
I'm sure you're not, I just read your post, the "It's" read as funny in the context, completely glossed over by your partner that you were now calling people "it".
TheNinjaPixie@reddit
I think he was so outraged that I suggested his lovely Katherine was anything other than a beautiful woman he didn't even clock that bit
Mr_Garibaldy@reddit
Did she have a beard and big hands?
nastyleak@reddit
When I was a teen I was waiting for my friend in her building. She comes down and we are chatting as we’re getting ready to leave. The porter walks by and says “Hey tricks” and we look at each other shocked and offended. My friend is ready to go over and tell him off when she realises she is wearing a Trix cereal shirt, so he was referring to that and (probably) not casually calling us prostitutes.
AdaandFred@reddit
I have never heard tricks as slang for a sex worker. Where are you from?
nastyleak@reddit
Ah sorry, wasn’t really thinking. This was in the US where it can generally be used the same as “ho.”
Literally_Taken@reddit
American here. I’ve heard “tricks” used to refer to acts of prostitution, but I’ve never heard it used to refer to a prostitute or ‘ho’.
nastyleak@reddit
Yeah I’ve heard it can be used that way as well in different circles. However, it’s widely used in urban slang to refer to a “ho” or at least was in the 90’s but I haven’t lived in the US for a while so not sure if it’s still used.
BeatificBanana@reddit
Have you ever heard anyone say "how's tricks?" as a way of saying "how are things?"
That slang comes from slang used among sex workers. "Turning tricks" means, well, selling sex.
Out-For-A-Walk-Bitch@reddit
Trix is an American cereal, but "turning tricks" is fairly common slang for sex work.
liabilityno1@reddit
Not recently but during covid when we had new starters left right and centre. I'd trained some of the new people on home shopping. Thought 1 of them had a personality disorder, 1 day chatty 1 day blank exprssion zero chat. Thought i was loosing it....turns out id been working with identical twins for 3 WEEKS!!
TheGreatBatsby@reddit
We had twins last year and were in the hospital for a few days. Over the course of our stay we saw the same few midwives who would pop in and check on how we were doing.
On our last day, one of them came in wearing burgundy scrubs instead of the regular pink. My wife made some comment to her about something we'd talked about before and she just stared at us as though she'd never met us before.
Turns out she was a twin and her sister worked on the same ward. It did surprise me how baffled she was when we had this conversation though. You'd think working on the same ward that people might see them both at different times and not clock.
BeatificBanana@reddit
That's so confusing, obviously since you didn't know that they were twins you would only have learnt one of their names - didn't the other one say anything when you would refer to them as the wrong name?
liabilityno1@reddit
I cant lie. Im undoubtedly absolutely shit with names. But I'll remember the face. (They had the same face, this didnt help me) We also had multiple people start, work 1 shift and never return. 1 lad went on break on his first shift and never returned. People who were working temp with us while they were on furlow from their regular job would just dissappear when their work opened up, or their pay came through. It was also 2/3am starts. Also 1 was doing home shop the other service for home shop so filling the totes onto trolleys rather than on the shopfloor. I could give loads of excuses but the main 1 being I used to smoke a questionable rolly on my walk to work because that was the only thing to blur out the next 10 hours of picking shopping for other people. It definitely blurred out me questioning the change other than putting it down to me being paranoid. So id just smile and wave at the twin I didnt know more exaggerated incase he thought I was being rude. After 3 weeks they had a shift at the same time and I saw them standing next to each other, loudly sighed followed by 'fuck saaaaaake'. They both started laughing, apparently they'd clocked by second week that I didnt know they were twins. Absolute cants but really nice lads 😂
BeatificBanana@reddit
So you worked with them for 3 weeks and never bothered to learn their name is what you're saying? Blimey
liabilityno1@reddit
I think i worked with them for 2 months...maybe 3 and havnt seen them since. I doubt they could have told you my name.
Its possibly gonna annoy you that ive worked with some people for years and I dont know their name, theres a few hundred people work there and turnover is high. I struggle with remembering names im not going to waste it where I dont need to 🤷♀️
Beemzebub@reddit
Nobody tells me nothin’
paulmclaughlin@reddit
Nobody tells them nuttin'
thesaharadesert@reddit
Yarp
DameKumquat@reddit
I'm terrible with faces, but I was pretty sure I'd seen the attractive obstetrician before when I was in labour, a couple hours earlier.
Turned out they had identical twin obstetrians working in the same ward, just on different shifts...
liabilityno1@reddit
Amazing! 😂 because that's the exact mind fuck you need when youre birthing a human 💀😂
CaveJohnson82@reddit
I remember some confusion talking about seeing Fifty First State and Fifty First Dates.
Reasonable_Chart1424@reddit
Not recent but Apparently when I was a child I was convinced twinkle twinkle little star was about Ann diamond in the sky.
BeanyCudger@reddit
When I was a kid I thought Michael Jackson's Smooth Criminal was about a Star Wars Wookiee. 'Annie is a wookiee, a wookiee annie.'
iffyClyro@reddit (OP)
Nice woman is Ann.
bramleyapple1@reddit
Many years ago went to see a movie, guy at the ticket counter asked "Do you need glasses?"
I said "..er....no...well technically I do but I can never really be bothered with them and manage fine without...so I'll be ok..."
Guy and the girl I was with looked at me funny but we went on our way.
Then realised it was a 3D movie and he was asking if I needed 3D glasses...
SammiWG@reddit
I was having lunch a couple of weeks ago and couldn't help but overhear a conversation at another table.
3 elderly women and a middle aged woman who was the daughter of one of the older women.
The conversation between one woman who was clearly hard of hearing and was completely ignoring her daughter went:-
"Did I tell you about that poor wee boy next door? He's got that AIDS."
"ADHD Mum, he's got ADHD!"
"Aye, poor wee boy. Only 14 and the doctors said he's got AIDS"
"Mum, Mum. Mum! He's got ADHD!"
"Nothing they can do about it either, he'll have that AIDS for the rest of his life."
"Mum! ADHD! Mum!"
UntamedMegasloth@reddit
I once heard a lady tell her friend that she knew someone who had a "myopic pregnancy".
Gingy2210@reddit
That eye watering! 🤣
Paradroid808@reddit
Great story! Either hard of hearing or exhibiting a Deficit of Attention..
pickindim_kmet@reddit
I spend a bit of time in another country with my partner's family and we were hanging out with a friend and he told me he had a duck. Confused, I said "you mean as a pet? Or for eating?" As a bit of a joke. We both laughed it off and he seemed a bit awkward. When we stopped by his place later on, I realised he meant dog. And here's me suggesting we go eat his dog and laughing earlier on.
Choice-Ad-9221@reddit
I was recovering from an ankle operation to have hardware removed after a nasty break. I got myself a few pairs of baggy pj's for my hospital stay. One of the pj's had cats all over it.
Whilst wearing the cat pj's, my hospital roommate asks how many kids I have. I reply that I had two.
Next day, her adult children and grandchild visit her. She introduced me by saying I had thirty two cats.
Turns out I misheard her question. She saw my cat pj's and asked how many cats I had. I heard children and replied with 2, she misheard and thought I had 32 cats.
yello_walls@reddit
You got your hardware removed? My doctors told me it would stay in forever after my ankle break 😟
letmejustdo@reddit
You both were probably on drugs lool
OMGItsCheezWTF@reddit
Not so much of a misunderstanding but definitely a cringy memory.
I was 14 and tore my LCL and sprained my knee and damaged my patella at the same time leaping down some steps and landing badly. My mum saw the whole thing happen and she drove me straight to hospital and was sat in a cubical in A&E with her. They dosed me up on some serious painkillers, so I was happily stoned out of my teenage head.
This nurse walked in to check up on me and I just turned to my mother and said "oooh, she's beautiful", I think the nurse was flattered but I definitely felt the full weight of teenage angst over it when I sobered up.
Mr_Emile_heskey@reddit
As someone who works in healthcare the nurse would have loved that, it's the patients that are aggressive that are hated.
forest_sidh@reddit
You must still be young if you still find it cringy. Don’t worry, she didn’t find it cringy at all.
OMGItsCheezWTF@reddit
I'm in my 40s and married. I know really it's kind of a cute thing but my memories of it are a 14 year olds horror.
JeniJ1@reddit
If I had been that nurse that would have absolutely made my day!!
Majestic-Ad-7282@reddit
You could have said a lot worse! I bet she tells that story too 😂
EchoOfaMoment@reddit
That is…incredible. All the most benign miss-hears (what the heck work am I looking for?!) ending up in a hilariously over exaggerated story 🤣. Would love to meet those 32 cats though…
Da_coomler@reddit
You sound like a horribly boring person.
letmejustdo@reddit
How does that even make sense?
dhulqarnayn92056@reddit
the fact that he immediately went into crisis mode trying to help you cover it up says a lot about your friendship honestly
Commercial-Bat-8456@reddit
In 2003, I was the owner of a graphic design agency in Manhattan. I was also two months postpartum with my little boy Luke. And we were printing the Bed, Bath and Beyond Catalogs in Canada and somebody had to go on press to check the color. I went, I took my breast-feeding, baby, and I also took my assistant art director to help. It’s important to the story to know that he was incredibly good-looking and three years younger than I was.
Three days in Montreal, press check went great, and the baby was very cooperative. I was walking back to my hotel to pick up the gorgeous art director and my bags. Baby Luke was stuck to my front in a carrier.
I just reached the outside of the floor ceiling plate, glass windows, but the front of my hotel and my foot slipped. I went up in the air and I saw the little orange of white strike cap that belonged to my child arc down towards the pavement. I pulled off some incredible mamma bear twist in the air and landed on my right elbow, the baby’s head swung past the stone on the floor with half an inch to spare. It was a moment where everything slowed down. As soon as I landed on my elbow, I knew I’ve broken it really badly.
Everyone rushed out of the hotel to help us, but it was only an hour to our flight. And I knew that if I had got stuck in Montreal with a breast-feeding baby and a broken right arm, I was absolutely fucked. So I made the gorgeous art Director pick up our bags and get in a taxi to that short flight back to New York.
We made it to the plane and by then I was in some pretty serious pain. So I got onto the aircraft and told the stewardess that I needed four bottles of brandy, some Advil, that I had broken my arm, but I had to get back to New York and if we work together, we could get there because it was such a short flight. Please help me out here.
We made it up into the air and then of course the tiny baby needed feeding and of course I’m right handed. I ended up in the back of the plane with a stewardess shoving my boob in the baby’s mouth. It was a pretty intimate and funny moment.
At that moment, I looked up as the gorgeous art director was desperately trying to make his way back to check on me while also trying very hard not to spy on his boss with her boob out. And I suddenly realize that every single Steward on their Airline was giving him the major evil eye. Why wasn’t he helping?
At that point, I realized that they all thought that he was the baby’s father and that he had been possibly the worst dad ever. So I sputtered don’t worry he works for me!
I’ve never seen a man so embarrassed, such a lovely person and he really wanted to help, but of course it would’ve been really inappropriate. He got hate from nearly everybody on the plane until I rectified the misunderstanding.
And let me reiterate, he was a Greek God in terms of his looks so I do think that might’ve been one of the first times when he really caught that much shit from anybody. Luke is now 22 and it’s still one of our funniest stories.
Edit- for those of you wanting to know what happened next. I got off the plane, I handed the baby to my waiting husband, I took a taxi straight to Methodist Hospital, and found out I shattered my elbow in four places. Honestly that Brandy held me until I got to the hospital.
lodav22@reddit
Every morning. (Back story I wake up about 5am, my husband usually wakes up around 6.30, by this point I've usually already had a coffee) and he's deaf as a post in the morning.
Me seeing husband has woken up: "I'll go and make coffee"
Him: " Not yet. Can you make it? I'll make the next one."
Every morning.
freakybo0o@reddit
❤️
abbieadeva@reddit
I was telling my mum that I was taking my little one to a duck race at the local park for Easter. I explained you buy a number and they the set off about 1000 ducks. The first 40 across the finish line wins a prize. My looked a bit confused and just nodded and we carried onto another conversation.
About 15 mins later the penny dropped for me and I explained that they were rubber ducks not real ducks in the race. My mum looked so relieved.
rezonansmagnetyczny@reddit
I was having a bit of trouble with my motorbike bike (didn't have enough fuel). So I pulled over to the side of the road to sort myself out and a young lady came up from behind me and started saying "sorry I've stalled". To which I replied "no its fine, I've stopped because of my bike, you've done nothing".
I later realised what she was trying to say is that she had stalled and couldn't get her car to go again and wanted help.
TeHNeutral@reddit
Love how it sounded like you were saying she didn't help you so you aren't going to help her, she must have thought you were a right git 😂
crashtacktom@reddit
Told my back-to-back that I was leaving at the end of the month for a new job, his first question was if I had been sacked.
Mate, I'm the company lead on our role and you're on a performance warning, it ain't me who's going to have been sacked.
Glittering_Car_7077@reddit
My husband and I went to a party, few years back now.
I was the driver for that night, so when i went to the bar, got his pint, and for me asked for a "two bitter lemon tonics please". (They come as small bottles, so two last longer when my husband is having a pint).
I was handed the pint, but mine came as two plain tonics, and a glass with ice..
I said thanks, but added, saying, "sorry, I asked for two bitter lemon tonics"
Was then handed a small plate with two bits of lemon on it.
🤦♀️🤷♀️🤦♀️🤷♀️.
irrelev4nt@reddit
Not really recently, but when I was pregnant 6 years ago, I was checking in for an ultrasound and the receptionist asked for my name so I gave them my surname and she then asked for my "Christian name" and I point blank looked at her and told her I didn't have one because I was never christened. Genuinely didn't clock what she wanted from me, my parents died laughing when I told them.
head_face@reddit
I love that your mate started whispering
Zavodskoy@reddit
Me on a motorbike, guy in a van
Stopped behind him originally in heavy traffic then managed to slip up to next to the drivers side and knocked on his window
He rolls the window down
Me: Hey, your left brake light isn't working
Him: What? We're stopped in traffic how did I nearly make you crash by braking?
Me: Nooo, the left light isn't on
Him: It's not my fault if you can't see a big van!
Me: (now yelling as he clearly can't hear me) YOUR BRAKE LIGHT ISN'T WORKING!
Him: Oh shit, sorry mate I thought you were having a go, thanks!
iffyClyro@reddit (OP)
Something similar happened to me last week but it was an SGN van with their left indicator not working but hazards on so I thought they wanted out. Flashed them, waved them on, nothing. Guy gets our “we’re fucking working here what do you want me to do”
I’m like you’re indicating right!
He did apologise and laughed it off.
Zavodskoy@reddit
To be fair I think I'd have thought the exact same thing
BobBobBobBobBobDave@reddit
Had a weird conversation with someone once (admittedly not recently) where they were talking about motor racing and Germany for reasons I couldn't understand.
Realised after a while that when they asked me where I lived and I said "near Birmingham", they thought I said "Nurburgring"
It was in quite a noisy pub to be fair.
bettyboo5@reddit
Well that made me wake my dog up, belly laughing in bed
Pyjama365@reddit
Once misheard a new headline that: "Pope's New Cat will help resolve [massive oil spill]". It was actually about hopes that a new cap could block a leak.
Similarly, as a teen I was surprised when the news that someone very high-up in the Church (who later became Pope Benedict) said that Turkey shouldn't be allowed into the EU because it didn't have a "Christian heritage", or some phrase along those lines. I was curious about what the Pope and people in other countries traditionally had for Christmas dinner if turkey did not feature at all, but moreso confused about why that should be an argument against the import or farming of turkeys within the EU. Turns out he had actually been talking about the country, Türkiye.
Comprehensive_Slip94@reddit
Some folks turned up today at the house I'm staying in to talk about their candidate. As soon as I opened the door they asked me "Hello dear, is your mum or dad home?"
I'm in my mid-thirties, but you bet I just told them no they won't be back for several hours. I don't need to do the song and dance to get them out of the front garden.
Gen Z is aging like milk, it would seem.
DeadDeathrocker@reddit
Not too recent, but when I married my ex husband, we went a semi formal restaurant in downtown Orlando. When the waiter showed, he asked how we were and we’d just told them we got married and he responded by literally just swiftly walking away.
When he came back, he brought someone who started speaking French and me and him looked at each other in confusion. I’m from north east England - I do not have a French accent and my ex, who is Puerto Rican, doesn’t either. No idea where he heard the French.
iffyClyro@reddit (OP)
I’m as Scottish as can be and on several occasions now I’ve had polish people ask me which part of Poland I’m from and insist I have a polish accent.
I think our human brain just fills in a lot of blanks sometimes.
DeadDeathrocker@reddit
And I get asked by Americans if I’m Irish or Australian. If it’s not cockney, they’ve no idea.
iffyClyro@reddit (OP)
Had that a lot in California.
Sea-Salamander-5222@reddit
Daughter and her best friend discussing what they’d learned during a lesson in high school. “We learned about exorcism” I was confused but remained silent and let them witter on. Turns out they were learning about “extremism” during religious studies.
heysundaysie@reddit
I was waiting for a train, reading a book, when a lady announced to me, in a questioning tone, that she needs to go to the next city over. I was a bit confused why she stopped in front of me and said this, but said it's probably from a platform in a different area of the station.
It was about 5 mins later that I realised I was dressed in a jacket and jeans the exact same colour as GWR employee uniforms, one of the main train companies of the station.
LordOfEurope8@reddit
Have seen that happen often !
HistoryHoe@reddit
Was just at a wedding this evening, they have one of those sweet stations. I’m filling my cup and chatting to another woman in her mid forties. My partner walks up and says “pop a cherry in my mouth please darling” to me. However, that poor woman thought this random guy was hitting on and was horrified! She was very relieved when I said he was with me!
Far_Bad_531@reddit
I have a head cold .. just been watching bake off and thought Paul Hollywood said there was “defacated” coconut on one of the bakes 😭😯🤦🏼♀️…. That’s enough idiocy from me today…I’m going to bed now,
ScrumdiddyumptiouS@reddit
As a mum of twins I am wishing you all the best. May your patience be abundant and your wallet be fat.
It's tough, but wonderful (sometimes).
Speeddive7@reddit
Some kids were gooning together behind a couch at a sleepover. My close friend thought they were joking and was traumatized after he went back there
tazmusicandmeat@reddit
Wtf
tazmusicandmeat@reddit
This is a quality thread - happy Easter everyone!
msbookworm23@reddit
When I worked at a B&B we had a regular couple who would stay for their anniversary. They always ordered a bottle of champagne, which needed to go in the freezer for half an hour. One time they checked in and asked for the champagne which I was confused about because they usually pre-booked it but hadn't done so this time. 20 minutes later they come back down to ask about the glasses and a bucket for the champagne and I was confused again because it was still in the freezer but I finally twigged that they had brought their own champagne and wanted some ice and glasses so they could drink it. Oops!
Weezlecheesle@reddit
My son thought Michael Jackson and Michael Rosen were the same person. He said they’d been learning about Michael Jackson at school. Took white a bit of unpacking to realise it was, in fact, Rosen.
Phew!
Weezlecheesle@reddit
The white typo was accidental but oddly fitting!
not30yet@reddit
Ohhh I've got this.
Recently went out to a pub/hotel for a meal. Stood at the bar and asked what spiced rums they had. Poor young girl looked incredibly confused... okay, she's never heard of spiced rum, fair... she said she'd go check, I assumed she was checking in the back bar, no, off she went to find another member of staff. As she was walking away to find someone she asked again what I was looking for, "spiced rums" I said. After a few moments of silence she looked at me and slowly asked "spare rooms?" I again repeated, no spiced rums, to which she assumed that I assumed they had no spare rooms. It didn't matter how many times I slowed it down... spiced... rums... it just didn't help. Thankfully my other half jumped in from the table and we finally settled it that we were looking for spiced rums and not any spare rooms. Thankfully they did have spiced rums.
Queue ten minutes later when I'm ordering food. Different member of staff. My other half would like a chicken burger with no sauce in it. She repeats the whole order back to me and gets to the burger and all I hear is; "burger, no meat". I say back to her, "yes, with meat" and we both then stare at each other for an awkward 30 seconds or so trying to understand each other. After what felt like an eternity, I FINALLY realised, she said "no mayo..." to which she gets my confusion and the whole thing turns into an absolute laugh. All the while my partner's sat at the table within earshot losing all faith in my speech/articulation/understanding/general wellbeing.
The meal ended up being lovely and we've since told our story to people we know who find it absolutely hilarious. My north-east accent and my 'mumbling' apparently don't help things. Apparently I'm also not very good with selected Scottish accents.
user0969_@reddit
That's actually funny
BobTheCosmonaut@reddit
At least he didn't think you meant his wifes was yours!
Fine_Analyst_4408@reddit
Talking to my partner about an aggressive dog with a bite history while my sweet labrador was trying to get petted by people walking by. An elderly neighbour screamed when the dog leaned over the fence because she was listening in and thought we were talking about our one. She briefly had a go at us for not keeping her muzzled outside before she realised we were talking about a different dog.
Proper-Throwaway-23@reddit
Sounds like something that would happen here too. I work aggression and reactivity cases for the most part but my own dogs are great. Because people are so used to me given them a wide berth, occassionally they assume that my very neutral, nice dogs are also potentially unpleasant. I cant say I am sad tbh as I dont love being accosted when I am out with my pooches and enjoying a quiet walk together. It is a mixed bag for sure.
Fine_Analyst_4408@reddit
I hate dealing with people while we are out too but my beast wants to be everyone's best friend lol. She'll sit there, make eye contact and wag her tail at people to lure them over.
Exotic-Shallot1181@reddit
My husband‘s surname is Weisskopf (pronounced the German way, so the w sounds like a v) and one of our friends thought his name was Vice Cop for ages
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