We mostly raised ourselves so how many of you have done therapy and feel “healed”?

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GladiusGSF@reddit

Therapy? Junk? Hell, I was healed at the point I left home. Never considered myself a bad person and never needed to pay someone to tell me how to be a better one.

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Did therapy from my 20s thru 30s, really needed it after my divorce but felt like the "help" I was finding was about numbing me and not actually listening or helping. Now I'm like fuck it, just give me a pill so I don't go postal and all will be fine. Thumbs up on the pill, thumbs down on the so called therapy I received.

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Great-Wishbone-9923@reddit

I have a psych degree (not that I’ve used it in 20 years, lol) and I 💯 agree! Had several therapists after my divorce and instead of focusing on what I asked to work on, every single one went trauma hunting for other “things” to fix. I was so annoyed with all 3. My meds and self reflection seem a much better way for me forward.

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ginge_r_snapd@reddit

This, exactly! Thank you for your input! 😊

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sungodly@reddit

I've done therapy here and there, read a lot of philosophy, psychology, Buddhism, and self help. I meditate and ruminate. I am as together as I've ever been while still uncovering unconscious fears and negative self talk. This journey will never be complete while I still draw breath, and I'm good with that.

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Double_Put_6891@reddit

I found a therapist at 49 who helped me achieve a sense of peace with myself

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Pypsy143@reddit

I just raw dogged life until about 50 and then I was like, hmm, I keep having the same problems with people over and over. Maybe it’s me? And I went to therapy.

Turned out it was a little bit me (people pleasing), and a little bit them (takers and narcissists).

Now I don’t have those problems with people anymore. I changed my behavior, which changed their behavior. It’s great!

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SeattleUberDad@reddit

I think the key is finding the right person. I was bullied all through school. The school counselor I was assigned to was very unsympathetic and made it seem like I deserved it.

Found a decent therapist in my 30s that helped me deal with my suicidal ideation and social anxiety.

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Bright-Form730@reddit

I’ve done quite a bit of therapy, but I have not gotten what I need out of any of them. Seems therapists are there to cheer me on instead of offering meaningful help. That or I just know all the correct answers to their questions about how I cope. I just want someone to finally say “you’re like this because you are (diagnosis)”.

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mfigroid@reddit

No need for therapy. I expect GenX to be tougher that this post.

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Embarrassed-Oil3127@reddit

The fuq. You sure you’re not a boomer? It takes strength to do therapy as a man raised in the 70s and 80s. There’s nothing tough about burying your trauma.

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mfigroid@reddit

No trauma. No need to talk to a shrink when there is nothing to talk about.

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Embarrassed-Oil3127@reddit

Aren’t you lucky and we don’t call them shrinks in 2026. I think there’s probably lots to talk about with you but the irony is you don’t see it.

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mfigroid@reddit

Spare me. Go talk to your therapist.

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Embarrassed-Oil3127@reddit

Serendipitously I have a sesh at 1p today. I won’t be talking about you but sending you good thoughts and a hug.

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AcanthocephalaDue715@reddit

I’m getting by. I’ve been in therapy most of my life.

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ABinColby@reddit

I've worked on my issues but my junk is none of your business.

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Alewort@reddit

The one real breakthrough that I got in therapy was fundamentally simple, that "feeling anxious is nothing to feel anxious about". When I feel anxious now I simply notice "ah, I am feeling an emotion now" rather than "shit, I am anxious and it's going to consume me. worry worry worry."

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D05wtt@reddit

In this sense, I’m not very Gen X…sort of. My mother stopped working for 10 years to raise us kids. When I reached 11th grade, we moved to the other side of the planet and she went back to work. So the last 2 years, I was kinda on my own but I was so busy with school activities so 🤷🏻, it’s a wash.

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gurl_incognito79@reddit

It’s a work in progress!🤪

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Glad-Pen5593@reddit

Me.

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Dismal_Estate9829@reddit

In my early 30’s I went on a quest of reading self help books and other books that I felt really healed and on a better track. At 51 I’m struggling more with my adhd than I ever have and contemplating getting more help for that. I was always against the drugs but at this age what could it hurt? I’m close to death than youth so fuck it.

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Pladohs_Ghost@reddit

I've done lots of work on my issues...self-work. Got used to doing things by and for myself and that's never changed.

CBT and DBT are both immensely helpful and lots of material is available for folks to work on their own.

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Anonymo123@reddit

didn't think about therapy until my divorce, did a bunch of it and continue to this day every so often. Its nice to have someone trained in this stuff to talk to and is neutral and there to help me.

I don't feel "healed" per say.. but it does help and I see the value in it.

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SpankyDammit@reddit

Did therapy for awhile just to get back in the swing of things, it helped me a lot.

I do struggle to maintain relationships, it takes energy to keep friends, energy I need to keep pushing through life. As much as I know I will need a helping hand at some point, I’d rather be alone most of the time.

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kittyshakedown@reddit

Honestly, therapy has been life changing for me.

But it’s also created a lot of new issues. Lol Ones I didn’t know I had.

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Robviously-duh@reddit

well... I was a grown up as a kid.. I am a grown up now... I don't see the need for any healing necessary...

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CaffeinatedGeriatric@reddit

What are you saying? I don't speak bitch.

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Endless_Patience3395@reddit

Tried hard. Got so far. Didn't matter.

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heldaway@reddit

It hasn’t worked for me yet.

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NorthRaine67@reddit

I hate therapy with a passion. My background is too interesting, intense, and “heroic”. I’m wildly “well adjusted”.

Do what happens with each counselor is they want to rehash my past to “understand” me, but bringing that baggage back.

And I just want to vent to someone about today’s survival please.

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Substantial-Spare501@reddit

Years of different kinds of therapy. I realize as I approach age 60 I will probably be in therapy off and on for the rest of my life. I have an ACES score of 7, and I feel like despite all of the modalities I have tried, I will never be able to be in a healthy relationship. Even friendships are difficult as I find it challenging to put out the effort and maintain relationships.

I used to believe one could be healed but eventually recognized that healing is an ongoing journey.

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Decent-Ad-5110@reddit

Im still healing, will probably always be a work in progress. I feel in a good centred place right now, but i still indulge in a chaotic streak.

Modalities: NVC, ACT, DBT, EDMR, IFS

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lubbockin@reddit

I always was a better person, the world of humans is poisonous.

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TheBroWhoLifts@reddit

This summarizes how I feel every day. I feel like I walk around with monsters everywhere.

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Bringmesunshine33@reddit

I sunk into addiction but in recovery.

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lovemesomezombie@reddit

I don't feel healed but I feel better about myself and learned why I made the choices (bad ones) that I did.

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YoureWhatYouWait4@reddit

Me and the wife have been doing pretty committed levels of therapy including psychedelic integrative therapy. I’m much happier, however, losing the wife in part due to the process. Thanks to therapy, we are going our separate ways in a kind and loving way - we’ve just realized through all this that we’re growing different directions.

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geebzor@reddit

This sounds like an interesting journey.

If you don’t mind me asking, how long were you married ?

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YoureWhatYouWait4@reddit

Just over 15 years. It’s funny what happens when you start to comprehend your attachments.

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Angry_Tomato_@reddit

Been in therapy (cognitive behavioral therapy) for four years now. I don’t see that it is healing me, but it is a source of validation and a place to sanity check thoughts and ideas with a trusted confidant.

For healing I think that some more body-focused therapies might be better, like maybe EMDR? I’ve never tried as I am in my head a lot.

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ixnine@reddit

Thera-what?

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Numerous-Relation-17@reddit

I'm better but far from healed.

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emmadonelsense@reddit

We’re allowed to get therapy? I thought we’re just supposed to rub some dirt on it. 😂

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PrisonNurseNC@reddit

I dont believe in closer.

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GrapeJamboree@reddit

Healed? No. At peace? Yes

I feel like my whole life has made me who I am today and the older I get the more I love and accept myself. It's easier too to let go the more I get to see and experience of the world

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Decemberist66@reddit

Did therapy off and on since 2019. Healed? No, but getting through each day without off___ myself is a win in my book. I credit my faith, a couple of my therapists, tons of personal research, a health diet, and my family for that.

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rebelling-conformist@reddit

I’m glad you are here. It takes courage and hard work to take things one day at a time and choose life.

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Dynamo_Ham@reddit

Did couples therapy for a while with an ex to try and salvage our relationship. If anything, helped me realize our failure was NOT some glitch or failure to communicate that could be resolved with good advice. Instead she helped me realize we were just not meant to be. Guess that could qualify as both failure or success depending how you look at it.

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Few-Pineapple-5632@reddit

I’ve spent thousands and thousands on therapy. Didn’t get “healed”, just turned 50 and let most of it go.

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JollyGiant573@reddit

Haha, Felt healed, the only thing that helped me was Jesus.

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Wonderful_Pain1776@reddit

I don’t know anyone that has done any therapy. There could be, I just don’t know anyone my age that admits to it.

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1clovett@reddit

Feel healed? LMAO!

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141bpm@reddit

When I find a therapist that doesn’t immediately seem overwhelmed and not change the subject to something mundane, I’ll let you know.

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Murky_Possibility_68@reddit

Absolutely not but I am no contact with my parent and that's been more helpful than anything .

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Willing_Freedom_1067@reddit

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ve sent my therapist’s kids and grandkids to grad school.

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overmonk@reddit

lol I’m not healing this shit up

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contactcapybara@reddit

I've done loads of therapy. Depends on the therapist. But for the most part I don't think you ever heal, you just keep finding (hopefully) more effective coping strategies to manage the damage

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HotRush5798@reddit

Work in progress

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Stigger32@reddit

My ‘therapy’ was lots and lots and lots and lots of drugs, alcohol, partying, travelling, more partying, more alcohol and finally settling 4,000km away from my family.

Yeh I’m pretty happy with my life. And the way I lived it.

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rtduvall@reddit

Fucking A!

That’s great to hear.

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rtduvall@reddit

My childhood was pretty fucking horrific. Being left alone was the best part of it. I babysat my younger brother.

My mom divorced my stepdad when I was eight and she was 28. She started fucking anything that moves and would bring strays home all the time. She would take me to some parties filled with drunk rednecks.

My brother never experienced any of this. She shielded him from all of it. But not me.

My dad was a physically abusive alcoholic and would use his knife on my forehead to make sure it was sharp enough.

The neighbor down the street molested me and for ever I felt like I caused it and it was all my fault.

Therapy has helped but I don’t think being healed is in the future.

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TXtogo@reddit

I didn’t do therapy but I’ve taken a lot of time to improve my self awareness, empathy, patience and to be more thoughtful in general. I went through a lot in my life and it feels like I spent most of it just trying to survive.

I think this next phase of coping with retirement will be a transition for me, with me and my wife being comfortable not having careers to talk about over dinner and not having the job be identifying - and having that time, it’ll be different finding worth from other things.

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dontlookback76@reddit

I will be in therapy for life but I am bipolar and medication and therapy are the two primary forms of treatment. 15 years ago I was a piece of shit. Today I can look at myself and call myself a good man. Is that some measure of healing? I'd like to think so.

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Bflatclar1981@reddit

It sure is. Good going!

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dontlookback76@reddit

Well thank you.

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eddie-van@reddit

100% that’s healing is not a place we get it’s the path we’re on. I realize that is somewhat therapy-speak but it’s still true!

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GeoHog713@reddit

I've done therapy, but not for that.

It can be a helpful exercise.

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IcyCryptographer5919@reddit

Therapy doesn’t heal.

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Gavin_Tremlor@reddit

Nope, still terrible.

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demona2002@reddit

Just getting started at 56. There is a LOT to unpack.

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jungle4john@reddit

Heal seems loaded, like an addict is never truly free from their addiction. I did do the work and it's helped me more or less move on and how to keep me from spiraling. Nothing will heal from having a parent who does not love you or care about you.

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Historical_Nail7271@reddit

Healed?! 🤔 We spend our entire lives as a WIP..... Healed/cured/fixed .... Would almost imply we are Dead.

Been in therapy for years.... Still going. Self medicating since 1988. Still trying..... To get 'sober'.

It never stops this self improvement stuff.

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Expert_Tomorrow_3915@reddit

This damn world "unheals" me everyday.

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RaccoonHaunting9638@reddit

Did therapy on and off for years for various reasons. After a while you realize you're the one that has to go deep. Just when you think there can't possibly be anything else, something else pops up! That saying "the dark night of the soul" yup.

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Thin-Quiet-2283@reddit

In it now, trying to process things I ignored for so long. Lots of Anger towards mother and older sister, horrible female role models. I’m feeling hopeful.

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TXHaunt@reddit

What for? Unless they can “heal” depression, there’s not much that I need them for. Any “healing” of depression would be a cure for it.

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CryptographerOk3814@reddit

Not necessarily healed; but definitely healing….

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Kindly-Might-1879@reddit

This is uncool to say, but I’m a little fed up with two therapists telling me that other people’s (loved ones) actions shouldn’t affect my happiness.

I do understand that my self worth and peace do need to come from within, but disconnecting my emotions from others’ actions or words feels like a step toward apathy.

Imagine your spouse or your parent doing something that feels hurtful towards you, but basically you have to just accept they are their own person, and your bringing up the hurt is judgy.

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BigJLov3@reddit

I've been in therapy for 8 years, and I'm integrating my experiences and the resulting behavior better.

I have ADHD, but it wasn't diagnosed until I was 44. I spend a lot of time studying the condition, especially how it presents in adults who were never treated for it as kids. Currently, my focus is on emotional dysregulation and rejection sensitivity dysphoria, two behavior patterns than have been very painful for me.

I do not believe I will be cured, but I do believe I will reach an acceptable level of self-awareness and self-control that I won't have to mask my issues as much.

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Beautiful-Ear6964@reddit

I’ve been to therapy, but I don’t think that’s what healed me. Basically getting older, giving less fucks and getting wise to other people’s shit is what healed me. Well, that combined with some self-reflection and practicing doing better. I think it has paid off over time.

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Odd-Animal-1552@reddit

I’ve tried therapy but I’m not willing to really open up. I’ll heal in hell.

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FeDude55@reddit

I feel more aware of my feelings and actions. Then, I can make better decisions, come to better conclusions. I don’t feel healed, per se, but I feel like I know why the world felt un-level.

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H3nchman_24@reddit

I go to therapy every night and always get the feeling of being "healed".... wait... I'm sorry, I was thinking of whiskey. I do that every night.

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rfriend73@reddit

My mom was a counselor and is crazy. Pretty much turned me off from seeking therapy

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stueynz@reddit

Had to learn that 7yo me sometimes needs adult me to say “Don’t be scared I’m here to keep us both safe; I’m listening to you”

More going blind when I was 7 really fucked me up

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saltydancemom@reddit

My daughter became a therapist, does that count?

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Inner_Computer9068@reddit

In therapy, let’s say healing. I was the baby and my parents were too tired to care and my brothers tortured me. I related a story of how they treated me and my therapist had to stop me and collect herself.

I’ve tried to let go but there are still shields in place that keep me from opening up to them but they’re there for a reason.

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Aquisitor@reddit

I've been to over a half a dozen therapists and they were all varients on either "have you wished you were better hard enough?" Or if not that then "you know that giant list of stuff you know you should do, but don't? Here's some more to add to it. Get it done."

Complete waste of time and money. Neither of which I could/can afford.

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slade797@reddit

I cut out the middle man and became a therapist.

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chinupshouldersdown@reddit

Haha, perfect!

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seriousname65@reddit

Yes, a year plus of therapy, and I HAVE healed some of my wounds. Others, I am still working on. I am learning how not to pass these on to the next generation.

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Msteele315@reddit

I did therapy briefly. It helped me understand why I was doing the things I was doing. But it didn't heal me, im not sure that's what therapy is for? Im glad I did it.

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Grafakos@reddit

Does alcohol count as therapy?

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in-a-microbus@reddit

No. No it is not.

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Remarkable_Insect866@reddit

Hey, alcohol was my friend after I had a nervous breakdown. Instead of the drugs that I was prescribed and my aunt told me not to take, I drank loads of beer

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FnEddieDingle@reddit

That's my medicine

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MidwestAbe@reddit

We mostly raised ourselves

I'm pretty tired of this trope about GenX. I did not mostly raise myself. My friends didn't either. I had caring and decent parents. My friends did too. Certainly not all situations were mine, but this knock on belief about GenX is overdone. I was absolutely allowed to roam around unwatched and tethered to my parents - but that's not being the same as raising myself.

As a man who grew up with pretty excellent parents. I still can be and could have been a better person. I try really hard to raise my two boys to the best of my ability. And while far from perfect - I just make the best decisions I can. And when thinking about all those interactions and choices, after I make a bad one. It's time to be better the next go around.

One thing I certainly do - I let my kids go be kids. I don't have a tracker on their phone to find their location. They often leave the house with little information given to me on exactly where they are going. I let them be kids.

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in-a-microbus@reddit

I had caring...parents

I did, too, but they had no fucking clue how to raise children. I legitimately realized my father was checked out a decade before he started showing signs of dementia. My mom had serious anxiety issues that everyone thought could be fixed by constantly forcing her to do shit she didn't want to do. Half the time we were managing their mental issues, not the other way around.

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in-a-microbus@reddit

No. I found therapy to be completely useless.

I talk to my wife and we love and trust each other. I've actually had some important breakthroughs just opening up to her.

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Unluckiest-of-All@reddit

Calloused and scarred to all heck, but as ‘healed’ as I can manage… considering.

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imrzzz@reddit

I tried a few therapists and it never stuck, so I spent a few years therapising myself.

I'm healed, it's a good life.

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CrispyDave@reddit

Personally I got a lot more use out of group therapy in recovery than 1on 1 counselling.

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terry1381@reddit

Did rehab did steps did religion.im done with cults and im good with me

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Helleboredom@reddit

I’ve done a lot of self-reflection and reading and consider myself to be one of the most content and emotionally mature people I know… but I have to say most therapy-talk just super rubs me the wrong way and feels fake and gross. Also my parent was a therapist so I have a fraught relationship with the whole concept for lots of reasons.

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Winter_Ratio_4831@reddit

No therapy but I did attend Ala-Teen and Ala-Anon because of my father and sister's alcoholism in my early years.

Which gave me a really strong sense of boundaries which was great, and compassion which is also great.

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Optimal-Ad-7074@reddit

60f.

I've found counsellors to help me deal with specific situations, twice. once in my late 20's and again in my early 50s.

both times were helpful and the first time in particular I heard a couple of things that made me rethink my perspective on the past, and/or how I was approaching life. but I didn't go to either of them to feel "healed" in a more global sense.

I'll add that I've made half-assed overtures to get counselling a few more times than that. but I'm a believer that you have to "click" with the person you're working with, and I've lucked out twice.

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Girl_Afraid777@reddit

49f here. Been in and out of therapy since my late teens but only started to really dig into how much my childhood impacted my mental health and relationships as an adult 5 years ago. The healing since then hasn't been linear, nor do I expect to ever be "cured", but I've come a long way.

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Real-Ad-2617@reddit

I did , one of the best things I could have did for myself. Really wish I had went all in earlier in life. Did not realize how much of my childhood crap affected my behavior and way of thinking as an adult.

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dead_vapor@reddit

Ayahuasca helped me tremendously. Still working on my issues but have gone further with the plant medicine than all the talk therapy I’ve done, easily.

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Sudden-Ingenuity3033@reddit

Not really. It's hard when the shit that makes you need therapy also makes therapy not work.

Point - there isn't a point in my conscious life when I haven't struggled with depression, body dysmorphia, and anxiety. Whenever I mentioned this to my parents, I was threatened with being sent away to a hospital for the rest of my life.

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Winter-eyed@reddit

The only time I did therapy was when I found out my husband was sleeping with my best friend and I felt stupid going. Still I think it made me accept that it was okay for me to protect myself and demand what I was due instead of let them get away with everything. I still didn’t out their affair but I refused to lie for them and protect their reputations any longer. The kids already knew before I or her husband did what they were up to and didn’t know how to tell the grown ups till the neighbor exposed them.

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Ennuiology@reddit

I did CBT therapy as a young adult and it really helped me.

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Milly1974@reddit

I probably should go to therapy, but I was raised that feelings and crying are for girls.

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SheriffBartholomew@reddit

That's true, they are. But they're for healthy women, boys, and men too. Crying excessively about everything though? That's for babies who do not possess the capacity for speech.

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Milly1974@reddit

I'm an unlicenced emotional therapy husband. I have feelings with my wife, but no one else. LOL

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Terpey_Walrus420@reddit

I'm a man and I've been going for a year so far. I've healed from a lot of stuff but still in that process for the rest of it. I've become so much more calm and less reactive and I never thought that would happen for me. It's nice to be in control of my emotions instead of being led around by them.

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Koolmidx@reddit

Therapy helped a bit but it was one piece of a larger puzzle that I had to find for myself.

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PopeInThePizza@reddit

I was pretty unmoored in my late 30s-early 40s, behaved badly, and navigated my way back to harbour via Zen Buddhism and Taoism.

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CaterpillarDry2273@reddit

I did therapy but never really helped. I feel like their answers is for me to always read some book they suggest. I hear the same things, that I read in the books. Maybe I pick not so great therapists. I just hear myself talk and sometimes that's therapy in itself to hear me admit or say things out loud.

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daisy0808@reddit

There's a lot of different types of therapy, some are not talk based. It took me finding the right person and type of therapy to work for me. Also, treatments with hallucinogens (legal) have been very helpful for people who struggle with talk therapy.

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CaterpillarDry2273@reddit

thank you!

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SnooRadishes1376@reddit

I've done therapy but have yet to feel healed. Idk if I'm doing something wrong or not trying hard enough or what...I still need therapy but desperately want some success finally

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tired-middle-ager@reddit

I've struggled with being an empty nester. Feel like my best, most meaningful, warm years raising my kids are behind me. I miss them and life with them. It's a lot lonelier without them in daily life in this world. My parents are aging early eighties. So they will be gone one day. Moved around a lot and don't have many friends.

I have to be careful with my mental health these days. Exercise, good sleep, and careful not to let mind, emotions go to dark, depressing, scary places.

I've had a little therapy within the last two years and plan to go back for some more soon. Some days, I feel this feeling like I teeter on the brink of an existential panic but I have little tools in my psychological toolkit to get off that ledge most of the time.

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foreverXking@reddit

I'm in therapy now. I'm trying to figure out what's "wrong" with me and I believe I'm getting closer to find the correct ways to heal and alter the way I see the world.

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Strong_College_21@reddit

59yo male. I ride my bike 10k mi a year, run 600 mi a year and drink like a fish. If I didn’t do that, ida blown my brains out years ago.

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Live_Past_8978@reddit

shit yeah. i wasn't sure i'd make it. zero examples of mental health. therapy was def only for crazy people. but years of therapy, meditation, meds... i'm better.

i have to be. my kid needs me

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Worldly_Possible2925@reddit

It’s been too long. The coping mechanisms I used that got me here will see me out. Too much to deal with and not enough self esteem to feel like it’s worth the trouble. I’ve resigned myself to feeling depressed, anxious and sad for what ever is left. It is what it is. Trying to put enough money together to leave enough to take care of things.

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sane-asylum@reddit

I have decided not to start therapy until after my parents are gone because I know I’m going to resent them. I enjoy visiting them and I don’t want to lose that. Mom was stay at home and dad worked nights but Mom just wanted to take care of of the house, cook dinner, and watch her soaps. My parents had strict rules for me but none really for my brother

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CodeNameFrumious@reddit

I don't know about "healed." However, I have dealt with depression since I was around 13. Over all those years, I tried to handle it myself. I started going to therapy and taking antidepressants a few years ago. I think I would have had a much happier adult life if I had gotten help and antidepressants earlier in my life rather than trying to tough it out.

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Difficult-Low5891@reddit

I’ve done a ton of therapy to unpack my childhood. Helped me understand myself better. But the realizations about my parents’ authoritarian parenting style and shit that happened to me in an abusive extended family are still coming… I live 3000 miles away for a reason.

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Tough_Classic757@reddit

I’ve been in and out of therapy for several years. The first few years were dealing with and acknowledging my past and how it affected me. These last couple of years have really been about growing and going through the changes that menopause has brought on because it’s a hell of a ride. I’m not looking to be “healed”, I’m looking to keep my sanity intact and know that I’m not the only one struggling through various things during this phase of life. My therapist is amazing and my weekly sessions help to keep me from saying and doing dumb stuff lol

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HighSeasArchivist@reddit

Never met anyone that it actually helped. Sure like a chiropractor you can go to one for the rest of your life, but is that actually considered "healed"? I just shove it way down deep and I'll deal with it when I'm dead.

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corpus-luteum@reddit

I also do my own therapy.

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inky-doo@reddit

I talk to my mom on holidays when I remember to call her.
so yeah, probably not "healed"

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HousesRoadsAvenues@reddit

57F. Good childhood, loving parents, only child. There is a history of alcoholism on both sides of my family. My father's brother and sister were alcoholics; both found sobriety. My mother's father and her brother. Her father went cold turkey; her brother found sobriety through AA in 1983. I am a firm believer in an "addiction" gene.

My addiction raised its head when I was 15 - 19 when I became "addicted" to a girl in my class. I caused this woman pain but at the time, I would NOT have considered myself an addict. My actions showed that I was.

Fast forward to 31 and I became addicted two a male co-worker. 6 years later I became addicted to another male co-worker. My life, as they say in 12 step programs, had become unmanageable. I sought therapy in September 2006 and the therapist said I sounded like an addict. That advice hit.

It took years and self-work. Lots of reading on relationship and love addiction - thank you Pia Mellody, Robin Norwood and Howard Halpern, not to mention a defunct internet bbs where I connected with other people who had my issue.

Once I figured out my "whys", life has gone much, much better for me.

Everybody's mileage will vary.

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jezzete@reddit

I have been. It’s been pretty revelatory in unpacking everything and remembering certain situations that parental neglect has caused over the long term.

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zhynn@reddit

8-ish years of therapy in my late twenties early thirties. Changed my life, it was immensely helpful.

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TheEvilOfTwoLessers@reddit

My therapy was in realizing what shit people my parents are/were, and just not being like them.

My father wasn’t actually that bad, good guy but couldn’t control his drinking, so I really watch that in myself. Rarely drink, and if I ever feel like I “need” a drink I absolutely do not have one.

My mother is a narcissist retired cop. She’s all about the Cult of FOP. Not a nice person, unpleasant to be around. I go out of my way to be kind to people.

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SheriffBartholomew@reddit

FOP?

Cops seem to universally be narcissistic.

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TheEvilOfTwoLessers@reddit

Fraternal order of police, the main/biggest union in the U.S. that represents cops. The only union I never see Republicans threatening to bust.

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IUMogg@reddit

I was in therapy for a while and it was very helpful. I have an anxiety disorder that led to depression, I kind of had a nervous break down. It was awful. Constant panic attacks, isolation, just trying to survive. My recovery involved a lot of therapy and I’m on medication. My quality of life is so much better. I ended up finding a job I love, I got married, I have two kids, I own a home. I haven’t had a full blown panic attack in years.

Before starting therapy people should know that therapy isn’t an end in itself. It’s a tool but it requires you to do a lot of work outside of sessions for you to make progress. Think of it like learning an instrument. If you took piano lessons once a week you would learn a little bit, but to actually learn piano you would need to practice outside of those lessons.

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weenie2323@reddit

Both my parents are dead now and honestly it was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders when they died.

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SheriffBartholomew@reddit

I went to counseling and learned about self care and not putting other people's needs above my own in an unhealthy way. As far as dealing with my past? Fuck that shit. I've never seen a healthy outcome from people who spend years in therapy unraveling their childhood. It happened, it's my past. My past doesn't determine who I am today, nor who I will be tomorrow.

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Solarhistorico@reddit

did therapy but the thing that really helped me was becoming the parent I always wanted to have...

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sidewaysmotion613@reddit

50F. Have done therapy since I was 16, still doing therapy. I honestly don't know what healed would feel like, but I'm doing a lot better than I once was. My current therapist tells me that the point of therapy is not to heal our wounds but to bless them, and I've found that extremely helpful to return to.

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Cytwytever@reddit

It's not a magic wand or a baptism like "NOW YOU ARE HEALED!", but I've been in therapy several times over the years and it's helpful to have honest perspective from a person to whom you do NOT have to keep up any facade.

My parents had an. . . interesting relationship and I had to work out some stuff to make sure I was not repeating any of their patterns that I didn't want without thinking about it. A self-observed life is one you can shape to your goals better.

As a man, there's a lot expected of you, IMO. I started my first business at 26 and would sometimes lay abed at night wondering "How am I going to make payroll? What if that truck crashes with that huge shipment from HP?" and shit like that. My then-GF didn't realize I was stressed at all until she saw me staring at the ceiling at 3am.

Then in my early 30's we were married, having our first kid, I was switching to a new industry, and my Dad got diagnosed with terminal cancer all around the same time. It was a lot to deal with. So I called up a therapist and went a half dozen times just to make sure my head was still screwed on straight. Helped with the grieving process, too.

I'm not "in therapy" for any long duration, but occasionally I go if it would be helpful, just like occasionally I'll go to the chiropractor if I throw out my back or something.

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Nervous-Rooster7760@reddit

54M. I hope I have become a better person. Getting older I finally gave myself permission to stop thinking I had to always be one to engage and try to have relationship with my Dad. He was a very absent father. Yes he was in the house but wasn’t at all engaged. I simply decided I had no obligation to keep trying and walked away from any real engagement. After my divorce I realized never once did I the man ask how I was doing. You constantly worry what may piss him off because he is such an unhappy person. I just avoid seeing them. I love my mom dearly but she chose to stay with him not me.

I tried to be different with my kids and even as adults tell them I love them and ask about and build adult relationship with them. I am not perfect but I feel pretty happy when they call me when something comes up. Just that they see me a someone they can talk to if needed.

I am not perfect and made mistakes but try to be a father that is present and that they know wants to be present.

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Mtngirl2018@reddit

Oh I’ve done so many things to try and heal from my childhood. The first steps were acknowledging that I had duplicated what I was raised with in some regard. Max husband was highly abusive and alcoholic bipolar. The next step was recognizing the traits that I had taken on for my mother unbeknownst to me. I’ve taken anti-anxiety medication. I’ve done some therapy, but what really helped me was doing ayahuasca ceremonies. I haven’t done that in years and it was time to revisit the healing process so now I’m doing micro dosing with ketamine and making really really good progress.

None of it’s been easy and none of it’s been fun, but I wanna give myself credit because I’ve come a long way.

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No_Character_4443@reddit

I thought because I 'raised myself' I didn't need therapy. That was about as wrong as I could be possibly be. After an absolutely horrific break up (my partner of 10 years, who is a psychologist, had a multi-year affair with her PATIENT), I've been going weekly for a couple of years now (plus a ton of solo/internal work) and it's been utterly life changing. Being able to see how my current patterns come from childhood trauma has been absolutely eye-opening.

I don't think we reach "healed" though. This is a constant journey of improvement, until the end. There's no finish line.

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notorious_tcb@reddit

So I’ve been in therapy before. Was it life changing and everything therapy is supposed to be? Absolutely not. It did help me reframe a few things and allow me to deal with some shit better.

But ceteris paribus, I get a lot more out of an hour at the gym than an hour with a shrink.

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theghostofcslewis@reddit

I am therapy resistant. Luckily, since I raised myself, I figured out ways to get around it. It's not at the top of the list of things that are likely to kill me.

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gambitgrl@reddit

I've been in therapy for the last 10 years after my mother passed away suddenly right in front of me. Our therapeutic relationship will end later this month not only because my employer switched insurance and now won't cover her but also that we both agree I'm in a very good place emotionally and mentally, and I feel comfortable stopping therapy now.

This is pretty normal for me I typically enter therapy when I am experiencing hardship or a crisis and stay with it for years and once I feel matured and healed enough with adequate new tools at my disposal I will discontinue. I think I went about 7 years between therapists last time

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ideapit@reddit

49.

Therapy and psychiatry changed my life 100%.

You don't have to be flawed or broken to go to therapy. That's antiquated thinking.

Life is tricky, it's nice to have a neutral, objective person along for the ride. Who doesn't want back up?

This is my first time being a person. Why wouldn't I want a second opinion on how I'm doing shit?

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Ok_Key_4731@reddit

🙋‍♀️ I do and it took years of therapy, a divorce and getting over that and my mom (who raised me and my siblings alone after my dad was killed in a car accident) passed away. So, it took decades for me to even feel ready to process.

I didn’t even feel like my childhood was that bad even though we were emotionally abused for years.

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whateverhappensnext@reddit

More than that, was diagnosed with ADHD at 42 (now 56), which explained a lot of my life. Have bee. Doing Mindfulness work with an ADHD specialist for the last 12 years and am probably a much calmer and forgiving person...except for forgiving myself. Still working on that.

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NorCalJason75@reddit

First off, I think the topic of being "broken" is inaccurate. It's the same world-view religion uses to control people.

We're all just human, with our own individual trauma and wins, set in a place and time (70's & 80's).

It certainly helps to talk about problems, but the talk isn't going to actually solve anything.

If you're looking to try Therapy, go for it! Just know it's really not much different than being self-aware and chatting with friends.

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EnjoyingTheRide-0606@reddit

I did! I had to, I felt I was losing myself in codependence and enabling. I had been mired in addiction in childhood and experienced a lot of adversity. I also have a BFF who is a child psychologist who helped me understand the effects of adversity on children and why we behave as we do long after childhood.

Therapy is very useful with a good therapist. But there are therapists who will just listen and you’ll never experience change. Therapy is most helpful for short-term to help learn coping skills. People usually end up in therapy due to an event but if you’re really looking deep you’ll know how long the effects of life have been wearing you down. When I re-entered therapy during the shut down, it was amazing how much more productive than other times. I tried to go to therapy with my spouse to save my marriage but he wasn’t willing to change. He said if I would be quiet, our marriage would be better.

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AppropriateDark5189@reddit

Tried early in my 20s, didn't do much for me. I'm open to it and I think it's healthy for a lot of people. I would need a therapist as sarcastic and dry as I am.

Two people close to me that do have ADHD have diagnosed me as ADHD but I've built several coping mechanisms over the years so it's not obvious if you don't know me well. No, I haven't been diagnosed by a doctor but it's pretty obvious at time.

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Other_Ad_613@reddit

Therapy might have helped me figure some stuff out more quickly. Once I realized that none of what happened to me as a child was okay or my fault, but it was my responsibility to become the best person I could, I made huge progress. Then I had to stop being mad at my parents, because ultimately it wasn't helping me. I eventually went no contact, before it had a name, with everyone besides my step dad. He actually admitted to failing and apologized without caveats. They didn't do the best they could, they didn't figure out their shit, they mostly didn't put us first. I have zero sympathy for them because I was a husband and father by the time I was 20 and I was able to make the changes I needed to make. They could have too, they just didn't want to. I have a great life with my wife of 27yrs and my grown kids are a daily part of our lives.

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cjs81268@reddit

Coming up on 14 years free of alcohol and very introspective lots of tools to do self therapy. A combination of staying in one place and having my own peaceful space has led to amazing personal growth over the past 5 years. I feel more healed in a lot of ways than I have ever felt in my life. I'm committed to being the healthiest version of me that I can be as I'm turning 58 this year. ✌🏻

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Branciforte@reddit

I did eight years of therapy starting in my mid 20s. It was a huge decision at the time because my family was firmly in the “feelings? What are those?” camp, but at the time it was do something different or end it for me. So I tried therapy.

It was amazing. I learned so much about myself in those years. I healed my fractured relationship with my parents. I learned to cut myself a little slack.

At the end of the eight years, though, I realized that the therapy itself was becoming an excuse to not actually DO anything, CHANGE anything. I could just go talk about it instead of actually living it. So I quit. Then things really started to change.

Looking back now, therapy was massively important in teaching me the tools to navigate my emotions and my needs and my insecurities and I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything. I just wish I’d had the wisdom to put it all to work a bit sooner.

I’ve still got plenty of problems, but now I at least know that I have the strength to deal with them.

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tandem_kayak@reddit

I'm 3 years in. There was a lot to go over. It has helped me so much, I wish I'd had the resources to do it earlier.

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pocketdare@reddit

As a man, I still do occasionally work on my junk.

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ONROSREPUS@reddit

Do you feel healed when you are done?

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mmpjd@reddit

That’s where my mind went as well 😂. I was leave a comment regarding “hairy palms” and “going blind” haha.

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b_o_m@reddit

57m, seen several therapists over the last decade or so. I would not I'm "healed", but I'm certainly in a better headspace than I was. I've come to accept things as they are and not as I wish they were. I've learned to accept my own bad decisions as my own and stopped blaming others or circumstances or bad luck.

In short, I've learned to live with and accept regret for the life I've lived. Sometimes I still wish I could go back in time and do it all over again, but I am what I am, and now I'm making the best out of a bad situation and trying to do better everyday moving forward. What else can you do?!?

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zombie_spiderman@reddit

I married a great woman who helped me realize that, while my home life was far from "abusive", as the youngest of three I was pretty much neglected and didn't get the kind of guidance into life that my elder siblings got, which explains at least some of why I didn't excel in a lot of places where I otherwise might have if my parents had been more involved. I'm not really angry or resentful about it (much), but it did help me to stop feeling like such a damn loser all the time, so that's pretty healing.

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bluealien78@reddit

I’m still in therapy. It’s been life changing. Without going into to much detail, a mix of religious trauma and childhood abandonment trauma led to a lot of unfavourable mental states and behaviours. I’m proud of the work I’ve done to overcome them, but there’ll always be work to do.

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cltreader@reddit

My parents constantly told me to "such it up" whenever I was hurt or afraid or anything really. It is just one of many examples of I was taught to go it alone. I did until I landed in a psych ward.

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lngfellow45@reddit

55 male - did 10 years of very high quality therapy - was able to understand and then change most of my negative behaviors.

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zabacam@reddit

Some interesting comments here, thanks all for sharing!

I absolutely still have some issues. I worked through a few things but probably more there to address than I let my waking mind consider.

Since my 30’s, my concern has always been that I actually like who I am! Not always, of course, but overall. And I know people who, through therapy, meditation and medication have “discovered” that they’re “broken” or need to “fix” something. Honestly, I’d be afraid that if I took actions down that path I’d be walking away from who I actually am….

Of course, that’s probably my ego trumpeting those thoughts in my ear because I’m likely so much more messed up than I admit! 😜

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ComoSeaYeah@reddit

I got really lucky…I adore my therapist and see her regularly. My life has been crazy pants the past few years and I have a history of trauma so therapy is an important part of my life.

I struggle with the psychobabble thrown around these days, especially in online spaces. Healed is so abstract. What does that look like? Is there a finish line?

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DarlingTreeWitch@reddit

Depends on the therapist for me. Had some that were useless and some that were awesome.

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Jimmy-the-Knuckle@reddit

My therapy consists of constant self-reflection to make goddamned sure I'm not handling life's bullshit the way my parents handled theirs. It's like a constant game of Opposite. I don't hit my kid, I don't belittle them, I don't call their other parent names, I show emotions as a dad. I coach their games and attend their events. I serve on their school's board and spring for cupcakes when called upon to do so by the teacher.

The lessons from my parents that are still in use today are a hard work ethic both in representation and in expectation. My kid helped with dinner by 4 and she makes 1 meal a week for the family. But we don't bitch at her because the soup veggies were cut too large or it came out salty. Instead we focus on what she did well and ease in to help her find ways to improve it. Drills and hammers are great construction tools for her to learn to build with. At 8, she'll start using the chopsaw.

I don't know if we're doing everything great but we're providing a lifestyle that I hope she looks back on as a supportive phase of life. My parents were just too stressed out (mom) and mentally deranged (dad) to render a lot of positive memories unfortunately.

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RevolutionaryLaw8854@reddit

Yeah. I went to therapy during my divorce. The first question the therapist asked me “Tell me about your relationship with your father” the shot got real very quickly

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Grand_Taste_8737@reddit

No therapy. The thought never even crossed my mind.

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Stillmaineiac88@reddit

When I’m in need of therapy, a talk to Brother Jack, or Brother Johnny.

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UpstairsCommittee894@reddit

mary jane is helpful too

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Stillmaineiac88@reddit

Mary Jane and I have never communed. No hate, but no interest either.

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UpstairsCommittee894@reddit

No hate either way. As long as you can handle whatever your choice is, its all good. I just like not having to piss every 10 minutes and no hangovers.

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Stillmaineiac88@reddit

I’m fortunate enough that my ills are usually resolved with one glass of bourbon. Honestly, can’t remember my last hangover.

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PlummetComics@reddit

Therapy was good until it reached the limits that only medication could solve.

Everyone could use -some- therapy. The basics of de-escalation and validation is something everyone should know

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the-mare-bear@reddit

Therapy in conjunction with medication is what worked for me. I would not have been nearly as receptive to therapy without a mood stabilizer.

Anyone who is struggling, it is worth exploring. I never would have believed how good life can be when it isn’t a comstant struggle. Wish I could have found this out decades ago, but I truly am loving life.

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LittleEdithBeale@reddit

Buddhism did more for me than therapy ever did. I don't think I ever found the right therapist. My SO is a psychiatrist, which is validating after my ex's gaslighting and calling me a narcissist and psychopath. I do feel mostly "healed" but I came at it from a different angle.

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hazelquarrier_couch@reddit

I've (male) got issues but I work on them all the time. I got a little healing after I truly accepted that my parents did the best they could with the personal skills and tools that they had and that they didn't have a guide on how to be parents. They winged it like every other parent.

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ancientastronaut2@reddit

I have tried therapy several times over tbe years, but didn't feel like I clicked with any of them so have given up for the moment.

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Throwaway7219017@reddit

I do feel “healed” for my anxiety, but it’s more of a case of getting the tools to handle things on your own.

I did have an A-ha! moment though, when my therapist told me to not to try and avoid my anxiety triggers, but to “sit in” the uncomfortable feeling of the trigger.

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chrimen@reddit

I don't feel healed, but I'm in the process of undoing s lot of bad programming.

This process never stops.

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d_marvin@reddit

I went to a psychiatrist for ADHD and she cried after asking about my life. I guess there was more to address.

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Cold-Inside-6828@reddit

Still doing it. Unwinding all the growing up with distant, unemotional parents is exhausting

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Sintered_Monkey@reddit

I have been in therapy for exactly the same thing.

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blackcat81374@reddit

I don't feel healed, but I know now that I can develop tools to help me through tougher times during my life, and that is something.

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JuJu_Wirehead@reddit

I don't hate my dead mom anymore, so there's been a little bit progress.

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Temporary_Shirt_6236@reddit

Well I'm not as big a fuckup as I was before, so...yay therapy? I guess?

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NeverEverMaybe0_0@reddit

Had a therapist at 12 (post divorce). At the time I felt it was useless; the therapist didn't listen, ran with what they already assumed, never found any solutions, and I was unchanged and annoyed with it when it ended.
Never saw the attraction others have for it.

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le4t@reddit

This was similar to my experience as a 12-yo.

Its completely different when you have a therapist who treats you like a competent adult.

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Good_With_Tools@reddit

I tried. It first started with a court-ordered therapist. I found out that I could manipulate them pretty easily. Therapy is not very useful if you're not honest with them. And you can't be overly honest with them if they are reporting back to the judge.

Tried again in my 20s. After a month of getting nothing, I gave up.

Tried 1 more time. Here's what I know. I have OCD, kinda. I don't have much of the C part. But, now I know why I can go a week without sleep pretty regularly.

I also learned that I'm never going to get what I want from my parents. And I never really got what I needed. They did what they could with the knowledge they had. They were not purposefully harmful. They gave me the love they had to offer. Problem was this; I needed more hugs. I needed more affection. And my parents did not understand that there were other ways to show love than just providing.

Now, here is what I consider my very GenX take. I don't need anything from them. I don't need an apology or some kind of absolution. I have learned from them, and I'm raising my kid differently. I don't know if I'm doing it right, but I'm not going to give him the same reasons to be fucked up as I have. He'll have his own reasons.

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x100139@reddit

45/m here, went into therapy at age 39. It was an immense help to start the healing process.

No one is going to tell "you're healed!" not even the therapist.

You decide when you're healed enough to once again move forward in life.

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Hefty_Debt_638@reddit

I don’t know if I’ll ever fully “heal” but I’ve come a loooooong long way.

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flytingnotfighting@reddit

I'm not healed, but I'm healing However, my ass puts in so much work, it's not just a go and talk and boom

I wouldn't be here today without it

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groundhogcow@reddit

No therapy.

I never felt injured. I don't need to be healed.

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SuzQP@reddit

When the entire Millennial generation, which is numerous, decided that every single one of them needed therapy, it disrupted the supply and demand economy of psychiatry. Overnight, online therapy services appeared, raising the question of where did all of these supposedly qualified therapists suddenly from?

Call me cynical, but I suspect that there are a lot of unqualified idiots practicing on the unsuspecting public.

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CrankyDoo@reddit

I tried therapy after the suicide of a close family member. It was mildly helpful, but ultimately not worth the cost. Where the latchkey kid theme fits in is that my therapist commented that I seemed remarkably strong and self-reliant because of the way I grew up. I cannot claim my parents didn’t help me growing up, they did. But much of my growing up was self-taught. I was the youngest with a large age gap between myself and the next sibling. So my parents were old and tired (my father was 45 when I was born) and mostly left me alone, and my siblings were busy with life going through a completely different life phase. So I navigated the inner turmoil of puberty and growing into adulthood missing a lot of guidance. I was self-taught. It turned out pretty well, I think.

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Calendar-Careless@reddit

I did talk therapy and emdr. It helped me say my goodbyes and put some stuff away. I’m a fan of it

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Ok-Heart375@reddit

I'm a much better person thanks to ACT therapy and nonviolent communication, but I wouldn't use the word healed. I'm stuck living with my silent gen parents and they treat me like a teenager, so I'm back in it, so to speak. But it's different now. I see them now as emotionally immature and having missed out having a relationship with their children. Even though I'm here and a directly point out how alienating their behavior is, they don'y have the ability to change.

I don't know what it would be like to be stuck here having not gone through therapy.

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