What is the cheekiest thing your parent/guardian ever did?
Posted by Dainflynnty@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 74 comments
My mum loved Easter and chocolate in general, because of this she could not be trusted and we couldn’t leave it lying around.
After one bank holiday, we went back to work and to safeguard our Easter eggs we put them on the top of the bookcase thinking they were safe there as my mum was only 5ft and had bad fibromyalgia and terminal COPD. She wasn’t mobile to the point we had moved in with her to look after her.
When we got home we found her lying in a bed full of Easter egg wrappers. Despite the fact she was too poorly for any housework, she’d bloody scaled the bookcase, like Spider-Man and nicked our 4 Easter eggs and eaten them all.
When she awoke she was not ashamed, she nearly pissed herself laughing and was so proud of her physical prowess!
She gave us £20 to replace the eggs but it was too late, there was nary an egg in sight!
I told her that if she was well enough to scale bookcases, she could do the bloody washing up once a week too! But she just almost pissed herself laughing again and said “fat chance of that happening love”.
She was so bloody cheeky.
Also, one year she bought Easter eggs for all of us close family, from Thorntons (she’d just got an inheritance). There were 8 eggs in total and when I went into her room one morning she said “I did a bad thing” and she told me she’d accidentally eaten all the Easter eggs overnight. I almost pissed myself laughing that time. She was a massive stoner and sometimes got the munchies.
She was a wonderful person and I miss her so very much and especially at Easter. But I have some cracking Easter memories!
What are yours?
MindComfortable6216@reddit
Years ago when our children were small we were very short of money as I was out of work and my partner was not earning enough. We had friends who always bought our kids Easter eggs and we felt we had to reciprocate. The days after Easter the Easter eggs were reduced to half price. I bought 2 huge ones and put them at the top of the cupboard to keep for the following year to give to our friend’s children. So the next Easter I proudly gave them. The next day my friend said those Easter eggs had a very weird taste, the kids couldn’t eat them and after tasting a piece it was an awful smell and taste. I just said how strange. Thinking about it afterwards I realised I had put the Easter eggs at the top of the wardrobe where all the moth balls were, no doubt that was the smell. Felt terrible, stupid thing to do but thankfully nobody got ill.
universe_from_above@reddit
I once ate cookies that were stored in the same cupboard as the fire starter cubes. That was disgusting!
OneRandomTeaDrinker@reddit
A friend went to visit family in India and kindly agreed to bring me back some aam papad. Wouldn’t take any money for it as she said it was dirt cheap, you can only buy it in bulk over here. Sadly it had been stored next to the soap and was inedible, I was so sad but never told her.
Dainflynnty@reddit (OP)
You were just trying your best to be kind. Hopefully you can look back and laugh. There’s no way that Easter eggs would ever last a week in my house let alone a year. You rock!
birchblonde@reddit
🤢🤢
Illuminatus-Prime@reddit
My dad claiming that everything I had, he owned -- even gifts to me and things for which I had earned the money and bought for myself. I took most of it with me when I moved out after H.S. graduation.
McSheeples@reddit
My dad was exactly the same. If you didn't hide things carefully or nail them down he'd straight up steal them. My brother and I found a ridiculous amount of our childhood stuff when we cleared out his house.
pokemongrl1313@reddit
I left an easter egg at my mums one year, just the standard egg and two chocolate bars inside, next time I went it looked untouched until I opened it half the egg was gone but it was rewrapped to look whole in the box and one bar missing.. mum had struck again but I wasn't even mad she seemed so pleased with how crafty she was we both just laughed. Xx
Kitchen_Current@reddit
My grandpa always had a trick or two up his sleeve (not chocolate related)
He trained his chickens to take bread out of his mouth and it confused the hell out of my granny when he would ask for 2 extra slices of bread & butter until she saw it with her own eyes at his stables.
He once tricked me into taking a shot of lemonade from a shot glass….. yeah it wasn’t lemonade it was schnapps 🤣🤣 and he was so proud of himself for tricking me lol.
zamoflo@reddit
My mums fave move was always buying me an aero and then telling me that she ate it on the way home from the shop! Also at Easter her mates all used to buy me eggs (turns out if you have a young single mum whose friends don’t have kids yet they love spoiling you!) and she’d always go “share tooth decay with mummy” with her hand out waiting for a piece the second I’d got one open hahaha
Creepy-Albatross-588@reddit
My kids love the rib n saucy nik naks but they know they have to pay at me a nik nak tax when they get a bag. Even my 18 yr old still gives it to me.
Dainflynnty@reddit (OP)
Haha brilliant. Thanks for gift I never got mum! At least she’s saving your teeth!
My mum would always try and bug my brother into coming over at Easter. She’d say if you don’t come tomorrow then I’ll eat your easter egg and was like that for his whole family, his missus and two kids. She’d eat the kid’s ones last.
double-happiness@reddit
My mother used to open all my post. Our given names start with the same initial, so I started using my first name for post (I've always been known by one of my middle names, don't ask) to avoid any confusion, but she continued to open my post. I don't think she really did it on purpose, I think it just never occurred to her I could get post.
Also (and on another level altogether) one time I took an acquaintance of mine to a party she was having. He was down and I thought it might cheer him up. We all had a lot to drink and when I woke up in the morning she had jumped into bed with him. Not only that but when I later told her that I had lost a whole bunch of friends as a result of their relationship, she tried to gaslight me by saying that had never happened.
KevinBaconsAnOKActor@reddit
My mum, who passed away 14 years ago used to eat the back of my eggs then wrap them up carefully and put them back in the box. 😍
DeirdreBarstool@reddit
Also chocolate related. My mum was an absolute menace who would always eat my dad’s chocolates he got for Christmas, birthdays etc.
Once he was gifted a Terry’s chocolate orange and she was badgering him for months to open it, he said no, he was saving it.
Nearly a year later he finally agreed she could have it. Turns out he had eaten it right back at Christmas then spent ages perfectly shaping the foil back into a ball and carefully repackaging it so it looked whole.
I miss them both, they were total opposites but absolutely made for each other.
Dainflynnty@reddit (OP)
Evil genius at work there, well done dad!
They leave such a big hole in our hearts when they go. It’s so much more painful than I could’ve imagined. I’ve lost them both and found having no more adults around really upsetting even though I was 36 and a big adult myself. I felt like an orphaned child. But I have really lovely memories and I’m glad they are both out of pain now too.
DeirdreBarstool@reddit
I get it, was around the same age when I no longer had parents to go to. I still find myself wanting to call her up to ask her advice or even just ‘oh I should ring Mum’ and it still hurts when I remember I can’t.
If I had one wish in life it was that I had a big family. People who do (and get on with them!) are so lucky.
Dainflynnty@reddit (OP)
They really are lucky, I have a small one too and it gets a bit sad sometimes when there’s no one for advice.
But we are here and breathing so that’s their legacy.
DutchOfBurdock@reddit
I'd laugh my arse off too achieving such a feat! WTG on mum!
MountainMuffin1980@reddit
Your Mum sounds like she was a great laugh OP.
saint1997@reddit
My grandparents used to feed me pick n mix straight from the open tubs in the middle of the supermarket when I was a toddler
idontlikemondays321@reddit
My mum would keep our coats close to the front door and if a relative she didn’t like was seen walking towards the house, we’d be ordered to put the coats on quickly so we could pretend we were heading out for the day
imtriing@reddit
this would genuinely enrage me - how do you keep doing it without losing the rag?
idontlikemondays321@reddit
We thought it was funny and took it in turns to raise the alarm
imtriing@reddit
wait what on earth, I wrote this comment as a response to someone saying their Mum would turn on the waterworks and beg them to send her money because her PIP had been cut, only to then an hour later be answering the door to collect her £30 takeaway..
thejadedfalcon@reddit
Are you the relative who kept arriving places to find that they were about to head out for the day?
Dainflynnty@reddit (OP)
Genius! I’m so glad people call before they just turn up these days. I used to hate when my uncle would just turn up wasted and fall asleep in the dinner. He literally did that twice, once face fully in the Xmas dinner.
Fine_Analyst_4408@reddit
Every Christmas growing up, we would deal with the advent calendar chocolate thief. Four kids all blaming eachother and parents disappointed that one of us was obviously lying. Until they admitted they were the chocolate thieves when I tried to get to the bottom of it in our 30s. They were also the reason the chocolate kept disappearing from the Christmas tree, not the poor dog.
glitterswirl@reddit
I thought chocolate was poisonous for dogs?
Fine_Analyst_4408@reddit
It is, but the dog wasn't actually eating them and just getting the blame. This was primarily in the 90s and it wasn't quite as known at the time.
glitterswirl@reddit
I know the dog wasn’t actually eating them. I just thought that if surely people were aware that it’s poisonous to dogs, then blaming the dog wouldn’t work. Like you wouldn’t accuse the kid with the nut allergy of eating your Snickers.
Fine_Analyst_4408@reddit
Like I said, it was the 90s and wasn't as commonly known. You'd be surprised at the amount of people that still don't know. We were also children so even less common for us to know. Hell my boyfriend at 14 used to feed my cat a malteser every time he visited and chocolate is toxic to cats too. She was always fine and if I had known, she would have never have gotten it regardless.
thejadedfalcon@reddit
A lot of people aren't aware of that, unfortunately, nor for other toxic foods for pets. Doubly unfortunately, pets are also pretty thick and want things they shouldn't have (the amount of times my cats have tried to eat something with garlic in, my god...). Thankfully, small amounts are fine, but I imagine if people treated their pets more, we'd have a lot more stories of tragedy.
Dainflynnty@reddit (OP)
What I’m learning from this thread is that parents cannot and should not be trusted around chocolate! The lies and deception are outrageous!
Fine_Analyst_4408@reddit
I know! We were all gobsmacked at the admission and my poor little brother was eyed as the likely culprit for most of it lol.
YouCantArgueWithThis@reddit
My mum "collected" cool looking glasses, especially when being on holidays or having a celebration.
From restaurants and pubs...
Competitive-Fact-820@reddit
I had an obsession with "procuring" the Coca-Cola glasses from Little Chef.
Those things are THICK glass and virtually indestructable. Still have 6 kicking about that we use that I "obtained" in the early 90s.
Dainflynnty@reddit (OP)
The old five finger discount! I think my mum used to occasionally pinch unique ashtrays from pubs too. Very cheeky.
Moomoocaboob@reddit
My mum did that too! Especially when we were camping!
I used the inherited gene to “collect” some teapots from chain coffee shops (not independent) for the table flower centrepieces at my wedding. I returned most of them afterwards.
Ashamed_North348@reddit
I’ve loved reading all these stories about your parents, I didn’t know my dads foibles, he didn’t live long enough to tell me but I looked after my mam until she died at 74, I don’t think she ever took us kids Easter eggs but she did eat it all that she bought for all our cousins and had to rebuy it all! In the end she bought it and gave it to us before she had a chance to eat it! Unfortunately I’ve inherited the chocolate thief gene from her!
Dainflynnty@reddit (OP)
It’s warming my heart that there are so many happy memories here.
Sorry about your dad, it’s lovely that you got to know your mum so well.
I’ve also got the chocolate thief gene. In my house now, me and my husband have to put the Easter eggs in a black bin bag and tape it up with gaffa tape to stop us from eating everyone’s eggs.
Ashamed_North348@reddit
I’m laughing out loud!!!
bathtubcrying@reddit
Once I was eating a cornetto, and my mum came along and snapped off the bottom bit with the chocolate in it (the best bit, as we all know) and ate it.
Dainflynnty@reddit (OP)
That is genuinely outrageous! There’s funny stealing and then there’s this, that’s not ok! Haha!
Scarlet-Ladder@reddit
My otherwise very straight-laced and law-abiding mother-in-law cannot help herself when it comes to nicking glasses from pubs and bars. She has an eclectic mix of various pint and gin glasses from a number of establishments and revels in telling us the tales behind each of them. I love it because she's the last person you'd expect to do it.
ManicPixiRiotGrrrl@reddit
idk, I’m glad it’s a good memory for you but I fear you few up in an abusive or neglectful household
Dainflynnty@reddit (OP)
This was when I was 26, she really did try her best when we were little.
AssumptionBudget279@reddit
I’m pretty sure this happened while he was an adult, not a child.
SdanoG@reddit
Your mum rocked
Dainflynnty@reddit (OP)
Haha thanks, she really did!
continentaldreams@reddit
My mother replaced our hamster when it died and pretended it was the same one. It went from being friendly to biting us overnight and she only told us she swapped them out when we were in our twenties. Cheeky cow.
Dainflynnty@reddit (OP)
That’s so wholesome. She didn’t want you to be sad. Very cheeky though.
We had a cat who could get into the hamster cage and after they ate Glen 1, Glen 2, Glen 3, Glenrietta, Terminator 1 and Terminator 2 she put her foot down and said no more hamsters. My parents split up and my dad kept buying us new hamsters when they would die. Cheeky git!
batty_61@reddit
I put my parents in a similar situation! I bought the class hamster home for the holidays, proudly telling my parents that he'd been ever so quiet and was very sleepy - when we cleaned him out we'd been lifting him out of his nest box and carefully tucking him back in...
Mum and Dad dutifully bought a replacement hamster which I took to school at the beginning of the new term (obviously they told my teacher). All my classmates were commenting on how much he must have enjoyed the holidays at my house because he was so lively now!
BraveMinute315@reddit
My mum used to leave a box of chocolate unopened in plain view (think roses/quality streets) and had actually opened them from the bottom instead. She’d then sneak one of us kids into her room and say don’t tell anyone and give us one whilst eating one for herself. She also couldn’t be trusted not to eat the eggs before Easter!
Dainflynnty@reddit (OP)
Aww she shared that’s so adorable.
What is it with Easter eggs being so tempting. They were soooo much nicer back in the day though. They can be a bit plasticky now.
NovoCastria70@reddit
We had great big chocolate Easter bunnies in beautiful foil wrapping that we’d lovingly kept safe from the parents. A couple of weeks later we decided it was time to devour them. I opened mine to find it was empty. I was distraught. My dad said mice must’ve got it. Years later he admitted to eating it and sculpting the foil back to its bunny shape! Skill 🤣
Dainflynnty@reddit (OP)
Those bloody mice!
But that is a bit evil to eat a child’s chocolate!
I was on a bus going over to my friends house just after Xmas. It should’ve taken an hour but it took close to three. I was getting more and more stressed and hungry and eventually I opened and ate the wrapped selection box I’d gotten for their kid. I had other gifts for him too, but just couldn’t help myself. I am my mother’s daughter after all! I was so ashamed!
TheCotofPika@reddit
When I was little, I'd always open foil chocolate figures carefully and put them back together and stuff them with toilet paper to make new toys. We didn't get new toys outside of birthday and Christmas normally.
Merlisch@reddit
That is beautiful. I wish I was more artistically abled.
thorn312@reddit
My brother and I discovered an infinite chocolate hack with my father. He would eat any chocolate we left in his fridge when we were with our mother, my dad would replace it. So we started leaving just a third or so of a bar behind, he would eat it and replace with a whole new bar.
Dainflynnty@reddit (OP)
Ha brilliant, problem solving galore!
Cautious-Carrot-1111@reddit
I love that, the prankee became the pranker
stqrltt@reddit
nah, I'd refuse to talk to her for weeks until she took accountability
chuckiestealady@reddit
Mum: spies drippy ice cream in hand of child Let me just tidy that up for you. licks all melted ice cream away
Me: hmmm
AssumptionBudget279@reddit
I think what I found quite funny is when I was at university, our parents took it upon to get these movable action/stick figures and move them into odd positions then photo them and send it to us, me and my sister.
I guess it was a fun way for them to keep in touch haha.
It was fun but I always found my imagination of them putting them in weird places, positions and objects then cackling together like children, even funnier
RiotMoose@reddit
My mum would open our easter eggs and eat one half then press the foil back around the remaining egg half and put it back in the box. For years me and my sisters believed Easter eggs just came as half an egg shape.
She would also give us kit kats and take 2 of the 5 fingers. We thought we were getting the better end of the deal as we got 3 fingers. Wasn't until I was an adult that I realised this meant she got 6 fingers of kit kat while my 2 sisters and i only got 3 each.
massdebate159@reddit
My mum frequently pleads poverty. Her PIP got stopped and she's a heavy smoker. Often she'll turn on the tears, so I always put money in her account. 20 minutes later, there's a knock on the door- her £30 takeaway has arrived.
Editor-In-Queef@reddit
Give me PTSD lol. She was such a character.
Merlisch@reddit
My mom would nip to the shop and, while driving ( around 5 minutes tops) 9 out of 16 Super Dickmann's would disappear. I never understood how that was even humanly possible. The remaining 7 would be shared (1 for me, 1 for my sibling, dad apparently didn't like them so she had the remainder as they are bad for your teeth).
Wise-Independence487@reddit
Flakes were apparently not children’s chocolate- my flakes always seemed to disappear 🤣
Specialist-Web7854@reddit
Well the flake advert definitely wasn’t aimed at kids!
Radiant_Office6445@reddit
Aye it certainly wasn't melting in my hand
SapphicStoner99@reddit
Haha your mum sounds just like me however I only take little bits once they've opened it, I wouldn't steal whole eggs, that it wild 😂
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