What is 'skin-on-skin' re: parenting re: this snluk joke?

Posted by lawrencetokill@reddit | AskABrit | View on Reddit | 39 comments

Lifelong snl nerd and I'm obsessed w/ snl uk which is better than i expected, very quickly. Part of what I love is when I *do not* get the joke (like Jools Holland) coz there's a sense of discovery.

Watching ep3 (Riz Ahmed) and loving it but for the first time this series I can't gather from context clues what the widely understood context is that the live crowd is laughing at. They said (paraphrased) "A father and son too old to be doing skin-on-skin."

'Skin-on-skin' is not a cultural cache term here

Superficially I obviously get it that they're grown men shirts off son is acting babyish and they're like, neck on neck.

But, ok i guess I'm asking:

1) is this a common term or issue in UK?

2) if so, what's the discourse behind it?

3) or is it purely absurdism just for this bit and "skin-on-skin" isn't shorthand for a common UK parenting topic?

don't judge me thank you cheers

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Particular-Swim-9293@reddit

Amusingly, "snl" (Saturday Night Live) isn't a cultural cache term here, and neither is "cultural cache"!

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lawrencetokill@reddit (OP)

oh i think you mean cachet as in prestigious. i mean cache as in known value collected over time. like wearing a visor has cache not cachet. it has accrued a connotation that if i say "dude had a visor on" it alludes to a bunch of stuff in that figurative "cache". or you might say object to mean an idea codified by a populace but most people don't know that usage

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Particular-Swim-9293@reddit

No, I knew it was cache and not cachet. (Cachet wouldn't have made much sense in context.)

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Johnny_Vernacular@reddit

A notorious image went viral of a US maternity hospital bill charging $39 for skin to skin contact. https://share.google/ePZ14hmrv9CafYjoA

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lawrencetokill@reddit (OP)

only 39?

is it common knowledge that here they charge around 1000 bucks for the ambulance to take you to the hospital?

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SyllabubRadiant8876@reddit

I had never heard this term until about a month ago. Had to look it up initially as I was really confused. I don't have children, but I don't think it is widely known outside of the parenting context (but maybe that's just me!).

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Sherry_Brandt@reddit

it is. -signed, a non-parent

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SyllabubRadiant8876@reddit

I stand corrected. Literally never heard it until recently and now suddenly seems to be everywhere.

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ChallengingKumquat@reddit

When you have a newborn baby, it is encouraged (by doctors and midwives) that the mother cuddles the baby with their skin touching one another, as it comforts the baby and promotes breastfeeding. More recently, they've encouraged fathers and sometimes even older siblings to cuddle with the newborn with their shirt off so that their skin touches. It helps with bonding, and the baby likes it.

It's promoted by midwives and medical professionals involved in childcare. I am surprised this isn't well-known everywhere if it is beneficial to the baby?

Anyway, there's clearly there an age at which taking off your shirts to be bare-chested, then doing excessive skin-to-skin contact becomes weird if you're doing it with your kid.

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Sherry_Brandt@reddit

It's promoted by midwives and medical professionals involved in childcare. I am surprised this isn't well-known everywhere if it is beneficial to the baby?

it is. OP's certainty that this isn't well-known in the US is alarming. -signed, an American without kids

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Significant-Leg5769@reddit

Skin-to-skin contact between the father and a newborn is encouraged in the US too (I've just watched an episode of The Pitt where it happens - lol) so presumably there's a different term for it in America.

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april8r@reddit

There is not. It’s called skin to skin in the U.S.

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Significant-Leg5769@reddit

Tell that to the OP

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Sherry_Brandt@reddit

hey, u/lawrencetokill \^

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spanakopita555@reddit

When you have a new baby, you are advised to do 'skin to skin' ie spend time with you and your baby cuddling without shirts on. It promotes bonding, and for a breastfeeding parent it can encourage milk production through the release of oxytocin. For babies it helps calm and regulate them.

https://www.nhs.uk/best-start-in-life/baby/baby-basics/caring-for-your-baby/skin-to-skin-contact-with-your-newborn/

I wouldn't call it discourse or a parenting topic. It's just common and common sense health advice.

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barrybreslau@reddit

It's advice given by the NCT (natural childbirth) charity that promotes this as part of their pre-natal classes for parents, but it has been picked up by the NHS https://www.nhs.uk/best-start-in-life/baby/baby-basics/caring-for-your-baby/skin-to-skin-contact-with-your-newborn/

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SkipsH@reddit

NCT class we went to recently covered just as much on induction and C-section as anything else.

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barrybreslau@reddit

I think NCT got criticism for making some people feel some level of guilt for resorting to interventions, when obviously the main thing is getting the baby out safely for mother and baby.

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Mjhtmjht@reddit

But the NCT is brilliant at breastfeeding counselling. I had abscess surgery when my baby was only a few months old. I made a rather desperate phone call to a local NCT breastfeeding counsellor and it was purely because of her knowledgeable advice thar I was able to carry on with breastfeeding. And at the time I wasn’t even a member! (Naturally, after that, I joined with all haste. 🙂)

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barrybreslau@reddit

NCT are great, I'm just highlighting that they have adapted their courses.

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Pure-Coconut628@reddit

NCT stands for National Childbirth Trust

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barrybreslau@reddit

Sorry I had clarified that.

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BadEventer@reddit

There’s a lot of data which shows skin to skin contact with infants is critical to their emotional and mental development and well-being. Physical touch is also shown as critical in regulating stress and helping children manage childhood. Oxytocin is released during physical contact, and that’s why doctors recommend cuddling and hugs even for teenagers.

There’s also data that shows that adults who deal with physical isolation can suffer severe negative health outcomes. But the skin to skin contact you do with an infant or toddler is significantly different from what would be expected from a teenage son.

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Nathan5027@reddit

Skin to skin is a common practice with newborns to promote a close emotional bond with their parents.

As an, admittedly anecdotal, example; with my little boy, my wife passed out almost immediately after he was born, so I got the s2s immediately, whilst she didn't with my little girl, so she got the first s2s with her. Little boy is closer to me and the little girl is closer to her mum.

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Prior-Beach-3311@reddit

In addition to everyone's answers, skin to skin can help babies regulate body temp and heartbeat as well as reduce stress by giving familiarity to what they may have experienced in the womb

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bondinchas@reddit

As others have said, it's used in relation to the care of a new born baby.

British humour often uses layer upon layer of suggestion and innuendo, the implications could be many in this use of 'skin on skin', that the son is immature, that the father is inexperienced, that the father is acting like a mother, that there's an over intimate relationship, ... It's complex, often different people will only see very different aspects of a British joke.

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elizable9@reddit

That is so true and I think without us fully knowing how it was used by Riz on SNL we can't say what he really meant by the joke. We can only really say what we know skin on skin to mean with respect to newborns.

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Hamsternoir@reddit

What they don't tell you is that it's entirely possible for the baby to shit right down you while you're doing it.

I can see why people without kids have never heard of the term though.

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Frostly4242@reddit

Yes, if you have a kid in the UK, you'll probably have heard the term. It's a way of bonding with your baby. I assumed it was common elsewhere but maybe not

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lawrencetokill@reddit (OP)

i don't have a kid but my best friends are having kids. also we're all turning 40 and we work in film/tv and watch it all our lives, a lot of it about babies and parents.

I've never heard "skin-on-skin" related to parenting or as any shorthand my entire life.

the closest analog that comes to mind is imprinting? which has to do with at key moments of mnemonic development you need to be in sight or they need to hear you so they imprint you as the biological safety blah blah blah

i imagine that's also common language everywhere tho

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Angelf1shing@reddit

Imprinting is a different thing.

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ginger_lucy@reddit

Also 40s with no kids here and we knew the term/concept. It’s very common.

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No-Jellyfish-177@reddit

Dunno what to say but promoting skin on skin contact with parents is very commonplace by midwives, doctors, health visitors. You and your friends are obviously not as clued up as you thought.

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Holiday-Property5536@reddit

It's really normal for skin to skin between newborns and parents. If we are doing a caesarean and mum is not feeling well enough for skin to skin, as she's still lying flat whilst we close, then quite a few dads will do it with baby whilst sat next to mum. They'll be covered with a blanket to keep warm.

It would also be common for skin to skin for the first few months of babys life.

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rachaelg666@reddit

I’m in my 40s and don’t have kids, but definitely very familiar with skin-to-skin contact as a parenting term – mostly from film and tv. We joke about doing it with the cat lol

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ilaidonedown@reddit

Yes, skin-to-skin (or skin-on-skin) is a really common term in the UK and has been for parents for at least 20 years. The idea is that you don't want barriers between parent and baby (other than a nappy) early on. This stimulates some kind of positive hormones. Did it with my kids and I still like them now, so maybe it worked?

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lawrencetokill@reddit (OP)

it definitely did we actually here about it over here, we're proud of Artemis 2 and you

thanks for the reply! cheers

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lizboferrari@reddit

Skin to skin contact is something that is promoted immediately following the birth of a baby.