ULPT Request: How to mess with a neighbour who thinks she owns the road
Posted by yemadrocket@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 107 comments
I live on a relatively quiet street. We all park our vehicles on one side of the road. From my perspective, that means all the vehicles are parked on the opposite side of the road from me.
The neighbor directly across the road from me acts like she owns the street. She never says anything to me directly, but she huffs and puffs whenever she can’t park right by her gate because I’m in 'her spot.' In retaliation, she’s taken to parking less than a foot from my bumper. It’s frustrating because if someone else parks on my other side, I'll be completely boxed in. Thankfully, that hasn’t happened yet!
(For reference, if she parks there first then I just park infront of her with ample space between the cars. So I know it's not me.)
The first part of revenge is already in motion i.e getting a disabled bay painted on the road since I am classed as disabled. But there is a long waiting list for that.
Any ULPT for the meantime? (And no, she is not approachable unfortunately)
chased_by_bees@reddit
Bird seed all around their vehicle. Its public property so not illegal at all. Just feeding the birds. All 1000 of them that are eating the birdseed everyday for months. Their car will be covered every single day.
brybry631@reddit
O that’s easy, she parks on your bumper? Use your back bumper, that’s what they are for. Nobody expects to keep a nice bumper in Philly or Baltimore. Back up pushing it and pull out and go. No stopping. It’s not an accident, it’s just a bump. And keep it up, even if she says something. Push her car with your bumper every day. She will think you are meaner than her. She will adjust
RE1392@reddit
The Philly Love Tap 🥰
FREDICVSMAXIMVS@reddit
An old friend of mine called it "parking by touch" 😄
No_Organization_769@reddit
Yes, yes ... Learned this growing up in Philly.
FREDICVSMAXIMVS@reddit
Ha! This was in Philly too. Small world 😄
Rich_27-@reddit
AHH, the London manoeuvre
jdsquint@reddit
Get a collapsible bike rack that attaches to the back of your car. Bonus points if you have a trailer hitch you can lock it to.
Keep it in your car and, whenever you park in "her" spot, put it on. If she tries to box you in you can remove the rack and gain enough space to slide out.
Alternatively, buy an automotive dolly jack so you can move your car out sideways if you get blocked in. The only downside is that you'll have to resist the temptation to move her car around the block to fuck with her every single day.
brewwoods@reddit
I would recommend buying an automotive dolly jack and moving her car around the block to fuck with her every single day.
Rasmosus@reddit
Or just onto the street, after which you call it in to the police O:)
Colonelmann@reddit
Dollies are at Harbor Freight
bibkel@reddit
This is a fantastic idea.
Muufffins@reddit
Fuck her dad.
moranya1@reddit
Plot twist, OP is her father.
BetterDegreeOxford@reddit
I came for this
moranya1@reddit
Kinky.
BetterDegreeOxford@reddit
It was rather loud
moranya1@reddit
Go on…..
BetterDegreeOxford@reddit
I did yell daddy at one point
Ivorsnags@reddit
Lucky you…. :)
BetterDegreeOxford@reddit
someone had to
King_Fuckface@reddit
I came too.
Key-Candle8141@reddit
In her car
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
😂😂😂
Hot-Win2571@reddit
Yes, make the family reunions awkward.
coopunitsmooth@reddit
This is the way
Key-Candle8141@reddit
We rly need a "fuck with a car" megathread....
Anyway lots of good ideas mentioned here again
My favorite is just set the car on fire
Odd_Cryptographer941@reddit
How about when they come to paint your space (Eventually), Ask them if they can paint it opposite "Her Space" then she can't park there!
Colonelmann@reddit
Paint the disabled zone yourself. There's a specific color of blue many cities use to designate handicap parking. But you gotta be stealth. The H parking signs are pretty standard too.
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
It's painted white where I am. If I had the mobility I would consider it.
f1ve-Star@reddit
I was thinking just be a good neighbor and let her have her favorite spot. Then you mentioned the handicap thing and I'm less sure. She should be helping you park closer.
Make a handicap stencil out of cardboard and while you know she is away, paint the space yourself 17-18 feet long is standard in the states. Sherwin williams or Lowe's hardware carry traffic marking paint in spray cans. You need a blue and a white. You can just use two 8' boards to paint the lines
BobbleBobble@reddit
Yeah only getting OP's side they kinda seem like a baby. Someone parks a foot away from you on a crowded street and you haven't actually been boxed in? That sounds pretty normal
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
Leaving a whole foot of space — and that’s being generous — is actually a major accessibility issue for mobility equipment though.
BobbleBobble@reddit
Why?
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
There would be no space for wheelchair access.
BobbleBobble@reddit
Don't most wheelchairs load on the side?
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
Some do, some don't
BobbleBobble@reddit
Does yours?
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
No it doesn't load a wheelchair from the side, hence the access issues
BobbleBobble@reddit
So if someone were to also park behind you then you couldn't load your wheelchair, but also that hasn't actually happened?
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
The person in question always parks behind my vehicle regardless of what direction I park it.
BobbleBobble@reddit
I gotta say I find that pretty hard to believe
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
Sure. Police have decided it's a civil matter. Thanks anyway 🙂
f1ve-Star@reddit
Do you use a wheelchair or are you preparing for wc use?
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
Current WC user
senor_roboto@reddit
Drop off occasional goodies to the folks who work on the permits. Go in every once in a while to check on your status of your permit and leave a box of chocolates, box of dates, or other modest items there for the team.
"I appreciate the update. Here's something for you and the team."
Have a feeling your permit will appear sooner rather than later. (Discount stores are great for buying these types of things - ross, grocery outlet, etc.)
make-me-quiver@reddit
From the sounds of it, your neighbour knows exactly what she's doing. Shame on her.
I second fucking her dad.
Follow_youre_heart@reddit
Does she leave her windows cracked? This sounds like a job for Le Piss Disque
f1ve-Star@reddit
Is OP in Quebec? American made piss discs are the way to go. It's the patriotic thing to do.
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
Scotland
TyrannicalKitty@reddit
It's because we can't afford healthcare and don't drink water so our piss is extra sickly and concentrated ♥️
BetterDegreeOxford@reddit
💛
Follow_youre_heart@reddit
💛
321Couple2023@reddit
Freedom discs.
Soggy-Beach1403@reddit
Ancient technology. Recent developments in both the Ukrainian and Iranian war zones have led to the deployment of the "Frozen Fecal Frisbee."
ih8javert@reddit
Strong alliteration game there. Well done
Queefmaster69000@reddit
My favourite current technique is the fecal unicorn horn.
It only really works in colder weather, but the initial presentation is art in its purest form and the removal by the person gifted the art is a long and sticky road.
People called the inventor a goblin, feral, deviant and many other things, but they were too uncivilised to see the raw beauty.
amazonchic2@reddit
Omg, I love you!
bngFXG3MDuau@reddit
Honestly just park slightly further away from her gate. There's no reason to be involving the law.
You could ask her not to park so close. You're neighbors who are going to be looking at each other for years to come.
If she's more of an asshole then you I would just start taking a photo everytime she parked too close and if you need to leave then you can "park by touch". If she claims you scratched her car just deny doing any damage.
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
Oh I'm not looking to involve any police (Also, they likely wouldn't care).
I'm just looking to have the access to the ramps provided and to my mobility equipment that the LA says I am entitled to.
For the time being I have dash cam with parking mode enabled.
bngFXG3MDuau@reddit
If your car is on the opposite side of the street there's nothing impeding you from rolling across the street to your driver's door. There's legitimately an entire empty street, zero restrictions.
She's actually impeding her own access to her own house more if she can't walk through the gap between your two cars.
You're involving the law by calling the city.
Is she really that much of an asshole that if you asked her to leave a foot of space or move her car slightly she's going to scream, "get fucked you disabled shitstain" and let you scratch her car instead of helping the situation?
Starting or escalating a war with people who know where you live and know when you're gone is going to take years off your life and cost you thousands.
All that said if you want to piss in the cereal bowls, I recommend spreading a little bird seed all around the parking spot to attract birds that will shit all over the area in front of her house to start.
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
Oh it looks like you may have misread my post and comments.
There are restrictions, I need access to the back of my car to access mobility equipment. And it's definitely not a police matter (according to them, it's a civil one).
I'm only asking for tips to help me in the meantime until my disabled bay is installed.
bngFXG3MDuau@reddit
Alright, my final unethical tip is to drag the mobility equipment across the front of her car every sixth time that she parked too close. If there's black rubber I would try to focus on dragging that part (for maximum visibility) not the metal parts but if your mobility issues prevent that go for whatever you feel like.
What's more important? Being close to your house or accessing the trunk?
Hope everything works out for ya
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
It's a bit of both, accessing the trunk but also being close enough to access the lowered kerbs too.
Thanks for tip, hopefully it works itself out soon enough!
mamaleigh05@reddit
Jack rocks off of Amazon. Oops if one falls under her tires.
Spastic_Potato@reddit
If you have some spare cash, buy a junker and park it permanently in her spot.
Sourcw from a wrecker, no title or link to your name
RustyShackleford-11@reddit
Sounds like a real jerk, but in what universe is a foot of space boxing in? That's a lot of space where I come from.
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
It's not enough room to have access to mobility equipment.
RustyShackleford-11@reddit
Agreed. Is that the case? You can have a designated space on the street for that. Get them some tickets then..
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
Yes, that's what I'm waiting on. But there is a long waiting time for that to be completed. For the moment I have dash cam (parking mode enabled) to be on the safe side.
majarian@reddit
Next time you have a couple days off ask one of your friends to park behind her as close as she's parked to you, then go watch a game or whatever and pay for their Uber home, Uber em back in a couple days if possible
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
That can be done easily. Thanks for the tip ☺️
ExtremeAthlete@reddit
Bird seeds.
CoderJoe1@reddit
That's where Op parks also.
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
Exactly. I like birds, just not that much.
StrikeSea7638@reddit
Yes!!! Spill bird seed on the ground around her car... Her car will get squirrels.
Zealousideal-Pen993@reddit
Maybe drop a few handfuls into the cabin air intake
Individual-Fox5795@reddit
Well, and bird poop.
Hot-Win2571@reddit
Put a bird feeder in your front lawn. Bird poop will appear a couple dozen feet around, which probably includes the other side of the street.
Plethorian@reddit
You know what a disabled bay looks like, right? Go paint one there. Do it in secret, deny all involvement.
Maybe some minor overspray on her bumper, or landscaping.
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
😂😂
zefy_zef@reddit
Are you sure she also doesn't have a handicap? This could turn out to be a fail if she can just use it anyway lol.
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
Not from what I have seen. I often see her car parked around locally (similar work hours and shops in common) and she parks in a typical parking space.
rab10000@reddit
Years ago I had a friend who was always getting caught cheating. One day his ex took some fish and rubbed them all over his car.
Very quickly hundreds of seagulls covered the car pecking like mad to get the fish taste.
Ruined his car and ended up looking like a gold ball.
Highly recommend
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
Oh thanks for the tip 🙂
bobbyb12234577@reddit
If you’re disabled, why not park in front of your house
Puceeffoc@reddit
And turn the street into a "one car can only pass through this spot" road... No way that screws everyone.
learningtech-ac-uk@reddit
Agreed but it’s likely the disabled bay would be on their side of the road. Perhaps time for everyone to shift side.
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
I've already asked around this and it won't be unfortunately. It doesn't make sense but it is what it is.
ImColdandImTired@reddit
In some areas, especially with narrower streets, parking is only allowed on one side of the street. Sounds like OP lives on such a street.
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
Yes that's true unfortunately
yemadrocket@reddit (OP)
Thanks everyone for the replies, you have definitely given me some ideas. I'll pass on the comment regarding her dad though 😂😂
Talusen@reddit
Add 4-inch metal spikes to your bumpers.
Leave small amounts of pet food under the front end of her car when you leave, esp in cold weather.
Toff_Nutter@reddit
You could stand a screw diagonally on her tire. You don't stick a screw in her tire, she's doing it for you by driving.
No_Educator_6376@reddit
Pour a bag of birdseed around her car and very soon hundreds of birds will gather to eat it and then they will all poop all over it . Huge mess…
TumbleweedNegative29@reddit
The perfect opportunity for the tried and trusted pissdisk. Can't beat the original. Try mixing in cat piss for extra odour. As you were comrade.
Puceeffoc@reddit
There really needs to be a parking megathread in this sub. This seems to be the biggest reason people come here. I'd say talk with her and see what works for her. Find out where she likes to park. For the next week+ don't park where she likes to park. Park in your ageeed parking spot. Then find a crappy "no title" vehicle sale on facebook and buy and park an unlicensed car in her favorite spot while you maintain the agreed upon parking spot. Now she's gotta call a tow truck for an unregistered car. Make sure there's no way the car you bought can be traced back to you. And now you've really got her spinning.
It's unethical because it requires talking to her and tricking her.
Hot-Win2571@reddit
Megathread? Its own sub.
Zealousideal-Pen993@reddit
Ya, but they mostly give ethical advice on situations.
Far less piss disc suggestions 😅
CoderJoe1@reddit
Use wheel dollies to roll her car away from yours. Leave hers in the middle of the road.
Potential-Use-1565@reddit
Get a slingshot and break all of the windows
SLAYTAN1CUS@reddit
When I had old trucks/cars cars kept their distance.a buddy backed up onto a car to get out of a tight spot.a hitch can also dig into it.if it's high enough you can clear their hood and get out easily without hitting them.i use ultra violence to deal with micro aggression
amazonchic2@reddit
You can print up fake parking tickets. You can also tweak them in Microsoft Word. I’ve done it and printed quite a few. I keep them in my glove compartment. I like the ones that mimic NYC parking tickets and have all sorts of reasons why you’re getting ticketed, like “asshole behavior” etc.
I haven’t yet figured out how to make the nice little envelopes they use in my jurisdiction, but when I have extra time I’ll buy yellow paper and make some up to look authentic.
Grindit2Findit@reddit
It is kind of shitty to park in front of someone’s house.
321Couple2023@reddit
Horse shit. It's a public Street.
tamponinja@reddit
Yes!
PenelopeRupert@reddit
Sounds like they can’t park in front of their own house since OP said the cars park on the opposite side of the road from them.