Are you a loud speaker? Do you need reminded to pipe down in public?

Posted by starsandbribes@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 63 comments

Sitting in a small dumpling restaurant, maybe 30 patrons eating, silent Chinese music playing in the background. This one woman is the loudest in the restaurant, everyone can hear every bit of her rather personal conversation. When her friends get to speak (which isn’t often) they’re talking in hushed tones, maybe hoping she’ll pick up the quietness by mimicking them, but it isn’t working.

My question is, for loud people, is a reminder necessary? Do you find yourself not realising? Is it main character syndrome, or just so invested in conversation that self awareness goes out the window? Not trying to be rude, I think there are perfectly nice people out there that are just the loudest of their group (someone has to be I guess) but would you consider it embarrassing if someone pointed it out?

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Infinite_Crow_3706@reddit

Some people just never understand the 'inside voice' concept

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groovyghostpuppy@reddit

We’re trying so hard with my son, but his volume permanently set to too damn high.

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Loud_Fisherman_5878@reddit

Is he neurodivergent? It is common for ND people and I have only found this out recently after a lifetime of being berated for talking loudly when the only way I can help it is to just not speak at all.

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ReySpacefighter@reddit

I can't say I understand this. What is actually preventing you from talking less loud? Or matching the volume of the people around you?

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groovyghostpuppy@reddit

Not that we know of!

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Tosaveoneselftrouble@reddit

I say/whisper this to my partner whenever required haha.

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MidnightRambler87@reddit

Her friends, with the greatest of respect, need to tell her to pipe the fuck down.

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Loud_Fisherman_5878@reddit

Maybe they know it isn’t her fault and respect her enough to not criticise her all the time so as not to irritate some strangers?

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ReySpacefighter@reddit

It literally is her fault? You can control the volume you talk at very easily.

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ReallyIntriguing@reddit

So Many people in comments defending the loud talker

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DukeSunday@reddit

It's just the default volume my voice comes out at. I'm not making any effort to be loud or be noticed or whatever. When I open my mouth and talk normally, that's what it sounds like.

I will 100% tone it down when I remember, but like how much of your time do you spend consciously analysing your voice to make sure it's the appropriate pitch/volume/etc?

I have the same issue with speed, I speak very very fast unless I remember to deliberately slow down.

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fickle_tartan@reddit

Same here, I wish more people would actually just say something instead of quietly seething and complaining about it later, British people are so weird about trying to be "polite" sometimes that they can't just be honest with their friends and it's a bummer. If I'm aware I'm doing it I'll quiet down but often I genuinely just don't realise I'm doing it.

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Loud_Fisherman_5878@reddit

Are you neurodivergent? I have both of these things and like you, can only control it if that is all I focus on. I would like to challenge all these people scorning this to try having a conversation where they have to remember to say every third word in a Russian accent or something equally attention-demanding and see how at ease they feel in the conversation.

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aje0200@reddit

I also get told I’m speaking too loud often. Mostly when I get excited about something. Possibly is another symptom of the ‘tism

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tannercolin@reddit

Both me and my dad have loud laughs. I can feel myself do it and can't help it

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mtmp40k@reddit

Get up, walk over , and in a whispered tone say politely to the friends that you don’t want to hear about specific detail when you’re eating

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when_music_hits@reddit

Loud people agitate the shit out of me, I don't even like having to raise my own voice...let alone suffer someone who doesn't have the presence of mind to use discretion

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Ok-Rain6295@reddit

I can be. Reminding me to pipe down won’t really help though. Maybe for a couple of minutes. I really struggle with regulating the volume and tone of my voice.

Telling me to use my inside voice will just remind me that no matter how hard I try I’ll still be doing things ‘wrong’ (aka autistic)

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witdim@reddit

She may have been hard of hearing.

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gary-frenchkiss@reddit

She may also be a gobshite.

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thecxsmonaut@reddit

Forgot this was the UK and everything has to be a moral failure

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gary-frenchkiss@reddit

Forgetting this is the UK is probably more of a mental failure on your part.

Keep your wits about you.

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MasterFrost01@reddit

Or neurodivergent

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TheSJDRising@reddit

Say it again?

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Wonderful-Cow-9664@reddit

I have so many issues with this.

But the biggest… “silent” Chinese music??? Silent???

If you can hear silent music then the problem us clearly that your ears are over sensitive

Silent music 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️

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starsandbribes@reddit (OP)

Silent is the wrong word, more operatic background music, it wasn’t a nightclub.

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Wonderful-Cow-9664@reddit

Silent is completely the wrong word.

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SaltyName8341@reddit

Jeez have you never made a mistake

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qbnaith@reddit

Well not one quite that stupid. The very idea of “silent music”…

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stulogic@reddit

We could all be listening to silent Chinese music without knowing it, perhaps they're just extra perceptive

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Extra_Actuary8244@reddit

Oh my god you’re all fucking weirdos on this app, no other app is this pedantic.

It’s a fucking hyperbole

Not everything is literal

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Wonderful-Cow-9664@reddit

Using a word with completely the wrong meaning is not hyperbole

Hyperbole is exaggeration

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Extra_Actuary8244@reddit

Yes and this is an exaggeration, this is literally a hyperbole

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Economy-Fox-5559@reddit

Jesus Christ mellow out won’t you… fuckin’ dictionary police on a Saturday night ffs🤦‍♂️

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Zubi_Q@reddit

Yes, very. I have ADHD but that's not an excuse. If I talk about something I'm passionate about, I get super loud

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oldpunk57@reddit

I have a friend who is the loudest woman I know she gets away with it because she’s funny big mention to Julia

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Loud_Fisherman_5878@reddit

A lot of ableism in these comments. There are many conditions that mean people cannot easily control their volume. Even if they can, it means their entire focus is on their volume and not the conversation. If you don’t think that is a big deal then next time you go out with a friend then I challenge you to spend the whole evening speaking in a German accent. I can guarantee that you aren’t going to feel like you got to enjoy your friend’s company if all you are doing is having to remember to speak in a way which isn’t natural or easy to you. Try to give people a bit of grace and be grateful that this is a concept that you cannot relate to.

It is really really shit to be constantly told that the people around you don’t like the way that you speak. The hilarious thing is that when you eventually give up and stop talking they then ask why you’re so quiet. Be better.

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Vixrotre@reddit

I do have a problem regulating my volume tbh, if I don't consciously think about it I'm usually too loud. My partner points it out when it's an issue.

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impossiblejane@reddit

I can talk loud from time to time and happy doe the reminder. But more pressing what is "silent Chinese music"? How can music be silent? I'm so confused

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Dragon_M4st3r@reddit

😶

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Key_Plum_99a@reddit

I have a loud voice, it’s inherited. As a woman this is culturally considered a significant flaw. Loud men don’t get the same reactions.

When my family sing in a crowd we’re the loudest, people look at us. I can hail people from far away (say on a walk where the group has split and others are far ahead) and they can hear me but not others calling.

Sometimes when I’m excited or agitated about something, my voice gets overly loud. Good friends sometimes point it out, but it’s painful inside for me when they do. I don’t want my friends to be embarrassed about my voice.

It’s something I have to live with and manage. Like being a tall woman for example - it’s not deliberate. 🗣️📢

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RumJackson@reddit

Loud men absolutely do get the same reaction.

My mate is an absolute menace and constantly needs reminding to tone it down after getting stares (and glares) when we’re out.

He also doesn’t chuckle, anything he finds funny is met with a booming laugh.

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Fine_Analyst_4408@reddit

Honestly I love people with a booming laugh.

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Fine_Analyst_4408@reddit

I grew up in a family of 6 and we were all very loud together. I'm normally quite quiet after being out of the family home for 17 years but any time we're together, I go back to being loud. Impossible to watch anything without subtitles with my lot, you turn the volume up so you can hear over then talking and they just get louder too.

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mattjimf@reddit

I can get loud as I get more excited or passionate about what I'm talking about, my wife always used to tell me to quieten down.

My dad's side of the family suffer from alcohol induced loudness, which I do suffer from as well.

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CommanderJeltz@reddit

What is "silent Chinese music"?

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ThatNiceDrShipman@reddit

The sound of one hand clapping

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GrumpyOldFart74@reddit

I’m a little bit hard of hearing and speak at a volume I can hear myself and want other people to speak at

My wife is especially quiet in public and basically whispers - so I can’t hear a single thing she says

I’m constantly asking her to speak up and she’s constantly telling me to quiet down

So yeah, I’m not doing it on purpose and need to be reminded (it may not be the same for a drunken centre-of-attention seeker)

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DreamingofBouncer@reddit

Some people need to learn that you don’t constantly need to talk and vocalise ever thought that comes into their heads

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Infinite_Crow_3706@reddit

Thats OCD, obsessive verbalisation.

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TheSJDRising@reddit

Or as my dad would say, verbal diarrhoea.

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Infinite_Crow_3706@reddit

We must be brothers

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awkwardandroid@reddit

Boyfriend gets v loud when drunk. I told him to quiet down in a pub in Prague full of old Czech men. An elderly man turned around and said “Shut up American.” My autistic bf just said “that’s not very nice. And we’re English!”

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pretzelsRus@reddit

Could be the person has hearing issues and does not realize due to that.

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KingKhram@reddit

How do you hear "silent Chinese music"?

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zoltan_g@reddit

We have a friend that has no concept of volume.

He sounds like he's talking into a megaphone all the time. Nothing wrong with his hearing or anything, he's just a human foghorn.

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GrahamGreed@reddit

Had my wife's friend round for dinner last night. We ushered her silently past the sleeping kids bedrooms and then on the doorstep she decided to turn and give us one more anecdote at full volume. Can't even blame drink as she was driving - some people are just fecking loud.

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chucky6661@reddit

They could be hard of hearing

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uggyy@reddit

My dad was partly deaf. I got into a habit of speaking louder and clear for him. I still take care to speak quiet but occasionally forget.

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onlyoneofmetoday@reddit

I rarely speak in public, wear earphones for music. But my son does tell me often I'm too loud at home but my excuse is I used to work in care and had to speak loudly to the clients most of the time and I think my volume stuck at that after so many years, so I always try to make sure I speak quieter than I think I should.

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