Are people suddenly jerks?
Posted by plantverdant@reddit | Xennials | View on Reddit | 302 comments
I took a friend out for coffee yesterday, she's about 15 years younger than me. We got to the coffee shop and I helped her get situated because she's got a broken ankle. I got up to get our coffees and the barista was just such an asshole that we left. Yesterday I went to a big box hardware store and the guy who I asked for help at first seemed nice. I smiled when he asked me what I was looking for, showed him the worn out part I needed to replace and said thank you, I need two of these but I'm having a hard time locating it. We turned to the aisle and he got sarcastic and kept repeating different parts I don't need and just seemed aggressive. I found the part myself while he was insisting I needed other things.
I've been noticing that folks are just ruder, like they expect me to be an asshole because I'm a woman over 40 maybe? Usually when I'm nice, they start being polite and nice too. But it doesn't seem to matter how gently or kindly I respond to their offers to assist my purchase, they're being a dick the second they look at me. I worked retail and food service through my teens and twenties, I do remember dreading the mean older women sometimes but I've never seen or experienced the level of consistent dickishness I've been experiencing for the past year.
Embarrassed_Key_4539@reddit
People are having a really hard time right now unfortunately
crazycatlady331@reddit
And we celebrate the people who are actively contributing to people having a really hard time. Ie the CEO gets a bonus when jobs are replaced by AI.
dr_deckplate@reddit
Yeah but still, it doesn’t give them a pass to be a jerk off towards other people.
pendejo-san@reddit
Yes. It’s a weird brand of status by association.
Importance is gauged by how many people you can anger without consequences
Phronesis2000@reddit
I can't say I've noticed a connection in life between having a hard time and being an asshole. If anything, I find those who are struggling are often the most generous and empathetic.
crazycatlady331@reddit
Lack of empathy is all but written into the platform of a major US political party (the one in power). Most of the richest and most powerful people in the world see lack of empathy as a feature, not a bug.
Cutthechitchata-hole@reddit
Its coming to a boiling point and then...
PHX480@reddit
Sad no more and then.
bitsy88@reddit
aubreypizza@reddit
And it’s not going to get better unfortunately
roadkillmenagerie@reddit
Nice
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
I think it's social media.
How you act
ailish@reddit
There really is a clear line from before and after the pandemic. People have always been assholes, but before the pandemic there was a level of not wanting to make a scene for most people that just doesn't seem to exist anymore. I think the pandemic broke people.
crazycatlady331@reddit
Before the pandemic, basic human interaction was all but required to live everyday life. YOu had to do things like buying groceries in person.
Today, apps and 'contactless" services have replaced a lot of basic human interaction. You can order grocery delivery and the person will leave your groceries at your doorstep. You don't even have to know what they look like.
Same for restaurant delivery. Gone are the days when you interacted with the pizza delivery driver (or in the case of Kevin McAllister, scared him). How quaint. Today, it's all contactless and they just leave the food at your door. After all, basic human interaction is quaint and must be done through screens now.
MaddyKet@reddit
I have to say, as an introvert, I LOVE contactless delivery. I don’t want to talk to a bunch of strangers. I can and do when I have to go to stores, and after working in the children’s dept of BN for a few years (aka HELL), I am pleasant to workers 99.9% of the time (sometimes you have to stand up for yourself).
Like one person said above, I have the ability to socialize and I have friends, but I don’t always like to do it.
Some people are extroverts and some are not. I luckily live in New England where small talk with strangers is not the norm. I also WFH and it’s not in a customer facing job. I put in my time in my 20s and 30s. 😹
I do believe Gen Z got totally boned though.
crazycatlady331@reddit
I'm an ambivert.
That said, I have a very boomer take when it comes to sharing my information with brick and mortar stores. I don't want to download your goddamn app and there's no way in hell ANY brick and mortar store gets my email address. For grocery stores that require a phone number, most of them my parents signed up for years ago (on the defunct landline) and I just put theirs in. Or I put Jenny's number in.
Curbside (I'm 400 steps from a grocery store so I don't even drive there) and delivery require sharing your contact information with said store. And getting added to their spam list.
Polkawillneverdie17@reddit
This is not a "boomer" take. It's a very rational reaction to some very invasive business practices.
This is the Way.
Responsible_Dog_420@reddit
Any place that wants us to do a QR code menu is a nope for my partner.
crazycatlady331@reddit
Same here.
ailish@reddit
I actually love it. I'm not a particularly social person anyway, and given the above discussion about how rude people are in general Iike avoiding it whenever possible. I leave very good tips.
gypster85@reddit
I think it's that and also just look at the political climate right now. Literally the President of the US acts like a vindictive child. That's gonna affect the culture as a whole. It's open season on being an asshole.
ailish@reddit
Yes! He is a vindictive child in an old man's body, and he has the power to destroy us all. Well, he's just the puppet, his handlers have all the power. The rest of us have been separated into two factions that have been trained to hate each other. There's no going back from it, either, because it's about the very principles we use to govern our lives. We can't tolerate the values of the other side.
MercyfulFrigate@reddit
I disagree with that last part. I think thats part of the puppeteering. We tolerated each other's values well enough to function up until recently. Those values haven't changed, only the way we talk about them has.
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
Agreed. And we really didn't get a chance to process the pandemic.
We as a world need to grieve what We saw our future to be versus what it became. What we lost, who we lost...
We weren't allowed to work through that as a whole. That shit sticks with you whether it's acknowledged or not.
ailish@reddit
Exactly, especially Gen Z. They really got screwed by the pandemic. My nephew had to graduate high school virtually. He had to take two years off before he could go to college. He could barely even get a job because everything was closed or essential workers only. Now the economy is shit, he can't find a job in his field, he and his girlfriend live with my sister because they can't afford rent in their high cost of living area. He grew up with this idea of what his future would be like, and then the pandemic happened, and that was completely blown away.
I think us older-ish people had problems, too. We grew up a certain way, and we're used to the world the way it was, and the pandemic changed everything, and we didn't change with it, like you said.
So yeah, how do we all grieve what should have been with the world falling apart around us?
plantverdant@reddit (OP)
Absolutely. My son was in his first year of college. He thankfully still loves at home; but he only got to have a few months of attending classes on campus. He graduated online and it was depressing af. My dad died of COVID at the hospital and we couldn't even FaceTime because the staff was too busy. He was my son's favorite person and he hasn't recovered.
Major-Safe-9736@reddit
That's awful. I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is a heartbreaking experience regardless, but what you had to go through is just awful.
plantverdant@reddit (OP)
Thank you. He was a complicated guy and I'm just glad he was warm and safe but I hate that his end had to be like that.
ailish@reddit
Oh man, I'm sorry you lost your dad that way. It's really hard, and infuriating that people had to lose family like that. ❤️
My dad died in 2018, and in a morbid way I'm glad he didn't have to experience the pandemic. He had dementia and a lot of paranoia. He would have suffered a lot, even if he didn't get it,but he lived in a memory facility so who knows?
plantverdant@reddit (OP)
I'm so sorry. Nursing homes were rough during the pandemic. My aunt moved in with her daughter because COVID was ripping through the facility and many patients died. My aunt is still here! She also has Alzheimer's and the home felt like the right step at the time but we all figured it out having her at my cousin's house.
ailish@reddit
Ugh, I'm sorry your aunt has Alzheimers! Geez all this is so rough. These diseases that affect the memory and personality are so hard. It's like they're gone before they're actually gone. I'm glad so far you have it figured out!
plantverdant@reddit (OP)
Thank you, I'm sorry about your dad, too. It runs in my family I guess, there have been other relatives that have died of it in my family. Thankfully my aunt is just as sweet as normal, but she forgets a lot of things.
ailish@reddit
Thanks. My dad stayed fairly friendly, but he had a lot of paranoia, and he would sometimes get really upset about things. I had to police his intake of politics because it would really set him off.
BasicRabbit4@reddit
Yep. My son was in grade 2 and we are still dealing with the impact of the pandemic. He was at an age where he was old enough to be aware that his world went upside down over night but not old enough to make sense of it. As an only child who was already struggling academically due to being dyslexic, the isolation really fucked him up and he developed a debilitating anxiety disorder.
ailish@reddit
I'm sorry your son has to deal with that, and he wasn't really old enough to fully understand the why of it l like you said. Debilitating anxiety is so hard, I struggle with it too.
BasicRabbit4@reddit
Thank you. Its frustrating bc his anxiety is very specific to things tied to the pandemic and I dont think he would be suffering otherwise.
ailish@reddit
I hope that ad he gets older he can grow out of that a little bit!
bRKcRE@reddit
At least for those of us who grew up before 9/11. The main difference I can see between millennials and GenZ, is that the world we grew up in had a reasonable pace, some things took time to implement so we could make sure they worked and were fit for purpose. Post 9/11,it feels like there is multiple layers of control systems ready to go into R&D, but they skip the R&D, because it's more important that a control system actually controls people's actions, even if it is to the detriment of society at large, instead of transparency until use is actually necessary.
The decade through the 90s that lead to 9/11 saw a huge ramp up of the military industrial complex, and the groundwork was set to shake up global security for the worse. Of course this is all born out of Reagan era politics, which was all about supporting corporate entities to operate without regard for the common man. This was obvious trough the 90s, but even if we could see something was wrong, it was a fairly optimistic outlook headed into the 21st century.
I tend to find that whenever I look back to the 90s as a time of hope and optimism, inevitably there is naysayers telling me that it's rose tinted glasses and nostalgia, but they seem to forget that globally there has been a huge reduction in freedoms, that while small on paper, were stacked in a way that built a metaphorical cage that we can't ever really have any privacy to just live our lives, everything we do is logged and catalogued, kept in a register to be pulled out at a layer date to prove we did something wrong, even if it was harmless at the time.
ailish@reddit
This is one of the best descriptions I've read of this, thank you so much. Especially about looking back at the 90s, and it's NOT looking through rise colored glasses because it really was different then. I was a teenager in the 90s, and I think 9/11 changed me the way the pandemic changed Gen Z in a way. I had a vision of how my life would be, but 9/11 happened and the whole world changed. It's interesting how things happen like that.
bRKcRE@reddit
9/11 didn't break the fundamentals of society the same way that Covid did, though. Sure, it made life more difficult for some more than others, depending on location, but it didn't literally stop the world and allow us to see behind the stage. Most of us, especially internationally, weren't really hit the same way as the US was at the time, yet were aware of building frictions between "us" and "them". So after that incident, the world was still a single entity for all intents and purposes.
What covid did differently was take that "us vs them" mindset and further weaponised it to fracture sub cultures and large loosely organised groups, and turn it inwards on those groups, using psychology that still somewhat exists in human society, in order to fragment large tribes into smaller tribes, and grow seeds of exclusivity, "if you're not in, you're out"! And the paranoia that would have historically kept a tribe safe from invasion, is now just another regular thread through the tapestry of humanity.
I believe we are pushing through all of that, especially with some of the latest global developements, but at the end of the day, the fact is it was the same playbook they used post 9/11,just modified (and enhanced) for regular people in regular society, and not just for "those brown ones over there" who were obviously ready to take over the entire world and force us all into servitude and a life not worth living.
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
And how much it feel to be Gen z and just be told suck it up after experiencing all that. When you're already growing up and a jaded world how Could you not be more jaded??
ailish@reddit
Right? I see Gen Z in the jobs sub talking about how difficult it is for them and sometimes they really get shit on by older folks and it makes me kind of mad. We didn't have it easy with multiple recessions, 9/11, and all that, but Gen Z is going through something totally different.
New-Specific4225@reddit
It’s hard to grieve when half the people I know are too wrapped up in politicizing the pandemic. Even though over 1M Americans died many are in denial and start with the fake news schtick. Ironically these are usually the same people I find to be jerks.
its_always_slag@reddit
The pandemic really did shine a light onto the ugliness of the world and instead of learning and growing from it we leaned into it instead
crazycatlady331@reddit
And the people who most benefited from the pandemic are those who made the world an uglier place.
TheDukeofArgyll@reddit
It’s some how appropriate now to say “I don’t like socializing” or “I don’t talk to people”. People just accept it like it’s normal when what is actually being said is “I’m not good at socializing and refuse to get better”. But the problem is knowing how to socialize actually matters when you have to interact with any other person. If you want to live in the woods then by all means, be as socially awkward as you want but living in a society means you have a requirement to a bare minimum level of socializing. Before smart phones, social media and always-online Gen Z, this wasn’t something that anyone ever thought had to be communicated but it’s becoming obvious that an important piece of human culture is rapidly disappearing and we aren’t adapting.
ailish@reddit
Some people actually don't like socializing. I fully know how to do it. I worked in people facing jobs my whole life, I have friends, the whole nine yards. When in a social situation I can chat and laugh and get along just fine. I don't need to get better at it. I just prefer not to. There's nothing wrong with that. And yes, the pandemic made it more acceptable to not want to socialize, which is great for people like me. Why should we be forced to socialize?
bRKcRE@reddit
Until such a time that we decide to go to an event and realise that it's the pantomime and pagentry around security and identification and making sure the processes are as invasive as they can get away with, that stopped us from going out in the before times. But then again, i feel like there is a large cohort of millennials who previously got over the whole going out every night thing before covid hit.
I had accidentally ended up in a situation where I was essentially on self imposed isolation for around 4 months due to location, but I have that memory as an ephemeral feeling, because when the world was preparing for months in isolation, instead I was sitting there shouting at the TV because at that point, I was being told I wasn't aloud to go out, even if I decided I wanted to. And that sentiment was quite common at the time for many of my peers. This was before the toilet paper shortages.
ailish@reddit
I enjoyed going out more when I was younger, and grew out of it. I was always more of an introvert, but I learned how to act like an extrovert out of necessity. I think some people do that naturally. For me I think the pandemic exacerbated that, as well as some personal issues and some medical issues that isolated me. All of that combined coalesced into who I am now.
How did you end up being isolated for 3 months? That might be too long even for me! My partner and I got lucky with toilet paper. About six months before the pandemic hit, I put toilet paper on the subscribe and save on Amazon, but I put it on every month by accident instead of every 3 months. Then every time we got an order of it I just forgot to change it because I was always in the middle of something. We ended up with about a year's worth of toilet paper just in time for the shortage haha!
bRKcRE@reddit
I wound up in accidental isolation due to living circumstances and huge life changes going on at the time, and the only place i could get was granny flat with a relative living out of town, still within hiking distance of shops, but that was a half day event. It was relatively enjoyable after what I had left behind, but we never can know for certain what this planet has cooked up for future generations, so just as I was finding my head and getting comfortable with the idea of moving and getting my life back on track, covid hit us, which ended up being further 2 years as far as waiting for the chaos to settle into the "new normal", my mental health suffered greatly and I've still not got myself back on top of what once was, but I getting too old to worry about doing things because society says I should because that's the way it's always been done. In retrospect, I'm glad for the timing delays on my life, since it gave me time to worry about what was important to me, rather than all the post -covid shenanigans that have fucked so many people over with the cost of living being what it is. And I wound up adopting two lovely cats that I would have otherwise missed out on had I not been there that day to pick up a shoving unit a member of the community was spelling before a big move overseas.
Long story short, my mental health is worse than it could be, but I'm managing better than ever, since I didn't have the attachments to society that others have, such as obligations to turn up for work to make sure rent, utilities and food are paid for. To be clear, I was paying a nominal amount to my relative, but it wasn't even close to market rates because they are retired and have more than they will ever need materially.
ailish@reddit
I'm sorry you have struggled with your mental health. I have as well. Covid really did a number on a lot of us. At least you don't feel the attachment to society as you did before. I know what you mean by that. I'm similar. I wasn't physically isolated like you were, I live in a city, but I mentally isolated myself. It's not the same, but I think it works out to a similar place in life.
bRKcRE@reddit
Having two beautiful cats come into my life about 3 weeks before covid certainly helped the protracted isolation.
I've always been a bit of an outsider with a small group around me, so it is what it is, bit as far as the mental health, especially the mental health, if its easy its not worth the outcome. The thing I've discovered during the pandemic was thaf mental health is like a metallurgists crucible. Sure, it's just an empty receptacle, but if you add the right elements at the right time, and at the right temperature, you have your cheatcode. However, the cheatcode only works once you have put the effort in to understanding the project, and have built a skill set and knowledge base that you are familiar enough with in order to Make dynamic changes to your working-environment.
One example that I can give you, is in relation to the other comment of yours I replied to about going out and the trials and tribulations that come with the experience. Basically, since I know my private environment is safe, I can put the worst of the social anxiety in a box, store it in the back of my brain while I am in the moment at a gig or whatever, enjoy myself, even be the life of the party, but only those closest to me know that for one big night out, it might take me a week to 10 days of psychological recovery time before im ready for the next social event. This works best if I can forewarn someone that I trust, to help keep certain behaviors off my radar, like people who have been part of a deliberate decision making process with regard to the logistics for the night, but then become all indecisive in the moment.
I think that is one of the symptoms society is experiencing since the pandemic, because people have stopped thinking about their actions, and nothing they do holds any weight because they won't even hold themselves accounable for their actions. Not quite narcissistic, but borderline. Like people who walk out the front door of a shop as a group, then stop dead in a circle, blocking the footpath and shop entrance while they all individually decide to reach for their phones, absolutely mindless behaviour, and they would probably be the first to complain about it happening to them.
ailish@reddit
Pets are great at improving our mental health, aren't they? My partner and I have 3 cats and a dog. Maybe that's too much, but we never had children.
I have a small group of friends as well. It can be difficult for me to maintain friendships, because they often don't understand that I cannot be available at all times. This includes on the phone. Like you I need time to psychologically recover from socializing, and often an endless text conversation or phone call interferes with that. I need friends who understand that I need that space.
My best friend right now has ADHD and autism and she is very much the same way with socializing. We get each other very well that way. We can go weeks without even talking and then when we see each other it's like no time has passed.
I agree about your assessment of how society has become almost narcissistic. I see it called "main character syndrome," and I really like that description. People are just so involved in their own bubble that they'll stop right in the road to look at their phone, similar to what you said. They couldn't care less about how their actions affect the world around them.
No-Zebra4925@reddit
When you work in a customer facing job isn’t this kind of a requirement tho?
ailish@reddit
Did you not read anything I said?
No-Zebra4925@reddit
Of course. I read your anecdotal story and how it doesn’t relate to the OP which is about being social in work settings where there are customers. I’m curious. How you thought your story related to hers and why you shared it?
ailish@reddit
It related because I wrote an entire section about how I know how to socialize just fine without any help or classes or whatever else you might suggest. I'm not socially awkward in any way, I just prefer not to socialize. I'm sorry reading comprehension is difficult for you.
Cozy_Minty@reddit
Socializing is absolutely not something you do well because you cannot have a conversation without stooping to insults
ailish@reddit
This is reddit, not real life.
No-Zebra4925@reddit
I’m sorry that you are unnecessarily rude and that it comes across online and likely in your day to day interactions as well. Telling people you don’t like socializing isn’t a surprise. . It still doesn’t answer my initial questions about the responsibilities of store clerks, servers, and the like.
ailish@reddit
I'm rude because you asked me an unnecessary question that I had already answered in my original comment. I'm not a store clerk or a server, so I can't speak for them. Obviously they have to have good customer service. What else do you want me to say?
No-Zebra4925@reddit
I fairly certain that was the premise of the post. The op having negative interactions with store employees. There was nothing here to be rude about but you took this tone after sharing your useless story.
ailish@reddit
I can say what I like, this is reddit.
You've been nothing but a royal jerk during this conversation, so you have zero room to talk. You jumped right in the deep end with the rudeness immediately without hesitation, so yeah.
Just because you could not be clear in your writing, that's not my fault. Learn to write better and people will understand what you're trying to say. Maybe state what you actually mean instead of leaving everything open ended so people have to guess, hmm?
Anyway, you can go ahead and comment, because again, this is reddit, but I'm finished with you and I won't be responding anymore. Have a super day.
No-Zebra4925@reddit
Facing the reality about ourselves is a challenge.
Wishing you continued growth.
TheDukeofArgyll@reddit
You were already forced to and got a bare minimum of socializing skills. You got your degree, you don’t need more.
crazycatlady331@reddit
It's also the result of the pandemic, where lockdowns shut down in-person socializing and it was forced to be behind screens.
atomsk404@reddit
Covid will be shown to have created and exacerbated a decline of mental acuity. Bet on it.
ailish@reddit
Oh absolutely. Anyone who is paying attention can already see it. When it is studied more thoroughly in the future it will be seen quite clearly.
nanonoise@reddit
The time towards end with lockdowns where there was a lot of pushback. That drove people past a point and I think that has continued to empower people with a do what you want attitude.
If there was another pandemic today we would be absolutely stuffed as there is no way they could implement lockdowns like that again.
hairballcouture@reddit
Everyone dropped their masks (no pun intended).
ailish@reddit
Haha, they sure did!
Polkawillneverdie17@reddit
This is some I've been noticing and it really pisses me off. I used to have no problem getting involved when someone was being rude in public. I'm always polite but if someone is swearing at the barista or check out cashier or whatever, I'm fine asking or telling them to stop.
But now, everyone has a camera and instead of actually interacting with each other, people just start recording. I'm afraid that if I got involved, I'd be recorded out of context or whatever and have it used against me. Social media has truly fucked our society.
MercyfulFrigate@reddit
We used to understand that doxxing someone was a violent threat. Now its a Tuesday.
I lost respect for the local "activist" group after they chased a lady into a parking lot after an argument and put her license plate all over town facebook.
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
I used to be the same way as well. I had no problem going up and saying hey please stop doing whatever rude thing is being done.
Then I was at the gym one day, Where is this loud chanting echoing in the swimming pool area. Titled walls . It was loud. At first I thought some kid had jumped on the overhead speaker mic and was playing a joke. Turns out it was a senior citizen who was chanting, loudly. Echoing off the tiles..in the gyms enclosed pool area. No regard for anyone else. I just said hey can you please stop.
They toned it down but didn't stop. Later on I saw them filming me while I was swimming. Which made me feel really awkward. And then I thought oh crap am I going to get blasted for being insensitive to another culture or something??
Who knows if they did post anything but that interaction made me really not want to do it again. Realizing they were in the wrong but I could easily be framed as the wrong one. I felt unsafe. Especially filmed while in my bathing suit at the gym.
b_rup_breaks@reddit
This, it's 100% social media mixed with a world where media and TV just push political divisiveness and look at me clout culture. The timeline snap from the pandemic also didn't help.
My wife and I just drove 1/2 way across the country (vs flying which ended up being a smart decision due to the TSA funding other than gas being high) to go see my mom for her 70th birthday and we honestly enjoyed the road trip just the 2 of us vs all the headaches that come with the general public and air travel.
pendejo-san@reddit
The pandemic was a big part.
I’d never have guessed it, but, somehow, they lost all sense of common decency or social decorum.
Unhappy_Performer538@reddit
Yes. As soon as snark and one upping became a mainstream part of social media around 2016, it has gotten worse every. Single. Year.
crazycatlady331@reddit
It all started when they shot and killed that gorilla....
bRKcRE@reddit
You forgot to mention that truth has become largely optional for most social media, also, with no way to really know unless you have some kind of esoteric knowledge about using common sense and cynicism in order to dig through hyperbole to get to the scraps of opinion and hearsay that lead to the facts.
platywus@reddit
My parents watch old sitcoms & shows from 90s and earlier, mainly to avoid the omnipresent snark that infests just about everything today.
PBS programming is still a good way to ‘cleanse’. It helps my mood and belief that good people still exist.
AtomicFall99@reddit
I also think it is our political climate too. Our president acts like an asshole all the time so people think it is okay to be an asshole.
smez86@reddit
social media+psychopath president+pandemic+unaffordability
twistedevil@reddit
Don't forget the universal brain damage and long term health issues from Covid. The disease itself has and continues to wreak havoc, but everyone just says it was the trauma of having to stay at home for a few months and it's frustrating.
Ineedavodka2019@reddit
This is correct.
bitsy88@reddit
Something something human rights violations something something darkest timeline something something class war
/s.... sort of...
Bland_Boring_Jessica@reddit
People are unbelievably rude lately. I went to see Project Hail Mary, and people were on their phones the entire time—scrolling like they were at home instead of in a theater. On the way out, the group in front of me just stopped walking out of nowhere, and I nearly ran into them.
Then in the parking lot, some guy was loudly FaceTiming his friend, broadcasting way too much personal information for everyone to hear. And to top it off, when I went to grab food, a car started backing out without noticing I was right behind him. I honked to avoid getting hit, and he turned around and started yelling at me and called me a f** c*. Dude, you were going to hit me and I was trying to prevent an accident from happening because by the looks of it, he did not have insurance.
At this point, going outside feels like a gamble. The lack of awareness—and basic courtesy—is honestly kind of alarming
absentlyric@reddit
As a theater obsessed person, I don't have issues with people browsing on their phones, maybe it's the design of my theater, but I can't even tell unless I really try looking at what everyone else is doing, which is not my concern, I want to see the movie, as long as they're quiet I don't care.
That being said, people seem to forget about the Motorola Nextel era 20 years ago, I think people were even more rude back then on those things having full blown arguments and coversations with that stupid walkie talkie beep.
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
The bright screens don't distract you?
Sufficient_Turn_9209@reddit
Not the person you asked, but since they improved the seating I can barely see what the person next to me is doing. The other rows don't even exist.
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
We have those at the theater, I can still see the light from phone screens though.
Sufficient_Turn_9209@reddit
Really? The levels are so tall I can't even see their heads. You would see a glow from a neighbor, I guess.
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
Maybe it's the people in the lower level? I just know I've seen The glow of phone screens since The theaters have been upgraded.
Polkawillneverdie17@reddit
Yeah, anyone who "isn't bothered" by phone screens in a dark movie theater is insane. Etiquette matters.
PraetorianXVIII@reddit
I never saw this happen twenty years ago
Farewellandadieu@reddit
You wouldn’t, because smart phones didn’t really exist yet.
PraetorianXVIII@reddit
I mean with the Motorola's either
289416@reddit
very astute observation. The population takes its queue from leadership.
trekqueen@reddit
Eldest kidlet and I went and saw Project Hail Mary on release day, theater wasn’t too busy since it was matinee but right as the movie is starting (not the trailers but actual movie), this group of like five or so (late teens maybe, school was out that day) come in and sit in the same row as we are. They are futzing around and aren’t too loud but enough that it’s distracting. Kidlet said later they were on their phones a lot of the time. But then suddenly about almost halfway into the movie, they all get up and leave never to be seen again. I was thinking about it later and I think they theater jumped. There was an imax screen with the same movie in the theater next to us about around that time they left.
They weren’t the most egregious I’ve seen during a movie but it’s crap like that why people don’t want to spend big bucks to see a movie anymore. Oh and to top it off, two rows in front of us a couple brought a small baby. Luckily it only made audible noise maybe once and it wasn’t a lot or lengthy. But come on! Luckily I think the interruptions were not as bad since the theater was recently renovated with these really nice seats (for the standard theater!) and the rows are separated on almost terraced platforms. So we didn’t have to worry about someone super tall sitting in front of us or something.
Polkawillneverdie17@reddit
This is truly insane. Disrespectful to anyone else in the theater and the sound levels can't be safe for a baby.
trekqueen@reddit
Yea in all my movie going years, this is … maybe the third time. First one was a loooooong time ago with Charlie’s Angels and kid was crying a lot. The parents cussed at me and got into a yelling match with a boomer couple. The theater didn’t do shit about it, which did not bode well for them because I was there for my mom’s secret shopper thing where we went undercover for their overall theater experience (cleanliness, staff stuff, etc…). Second time was when a friend of mine went to see Catching Fire for a mom night out without our toddlers…. And we see these parents in line with their baby. We knew they would be in our theater, just our luck for a mom night out, right? Luckily this baby was also relatively quiet and only cried out maybe once or twice briefly.
pendejo-san@reddit
I have felt this recently, I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels it.
They spend more effort being antisocial than they do meeting their own goals for any interactions they’re having
Hatecookie@reddit
I went to see Project Hail Mary and felt bad bc I got a couple of work messages I had to answer. I turned the brightness all the way down and kind of shielded my phone so I wouldn’t bother anyone and put it away as soon as I was done.
datbackup@reddit
It’s ridiculous that in 2026 we don’t have a internationally standardized “friendly honk” , “thankful honk”, “warning honk”, etc
Polkawillneverdie17@reddit
Movies are totally fucked now. I haven been a movie since 2022 where someone wasn't on their phone during the movie. Like, full on just scrolling or texting with full brightness in a dark movie theater. I've become practiced at telling them to please turn off their phone but I'm always afraid some of these people are psychos who carry or whatever and take any criticism as an opportunity to get violent.
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
The pandemic broke the social contract.
This administration is shitting on it ( literally released a video of them doing it) and flipping us off while doing it.
People being paid to be shitty people as influencers have shown everyone there's no consequences but there might be money involved.
Ashamed-Cat-3068@reddit
Eh forgive us for being dickheads.
I'm over the attitudes of damn near everyone. I still work retail because I was a SAHM for 20 years and have "no experience". I'm over plenty of the people our age just being sarcastic dicks. I'm over gen X throwing tantrums over not selling size 15 shoes or their coupon not working for the $70 golf balls. And I'm over boomers who can't hear and are babies over not wanting to give out a stupid phone numbers. The only redeeming people are gen Z. They're nice.
So I myself have become a jaded asshole towards everyone.
YEMBOTT@reddit
Firstly, As a sahm survivor you're an all-star, remember that!
Second, not my place but have you thought about waiting tables? Same rude people but you're handling their food.
And I'm my 25 years of f&b hotel hospitality a gentle polite reminder usually brings the angel back into the peoples
And if not, your handling their food and mistakes happen... Like forgetting to ring it in. Or I though you said chicken not pork. It's totally different work but very relatable to the sahm lifestyle.
Hangry people all resort back to their inner 3yo... tantrums and all
Ashamed-Cat-3068@reddit
Lmao thanks! Oh god I will never do a waitress job ever again. That was my teen years, I would probably make more now than I did then. People always seemed to tip the older staff better than kids. Spent many a shift crying in the walk-in lol. Good god I do not miss waiting tables.
You are a hero lol.
I_eat_blueberries@reddit
When I was a pretty little young thing, I got treated like crap due to jealousy, people assumed I was less capable etc. I am now middle age, and I give people basic decency but definitely call out rude behavior. I have the old goth aura
plantverdant@reddit (OP)
It's important for society to revere our gothmothers, they've given us so much! We thank you.
Xennials-ModTeam@reddit
This submission has been removed because it is not related to Xennials.
YEMBOTT@reddit
I was taught kill-them-with-kindness but it doesn't always work that's when you switch tosarcasm
Or act confused about everything. What store is this? I thought this was a blockbuster? Where do you keep the canal? Is this color still considered time period appropriate.
Stuff like that and people either get it right away or I get to have some fun asking ridiculous questions.
Which will inevitably lead to a supervisor or some area shift leader to come in and help with special special. Then you at least have another chance to see if this new person is human.
If not keep up with the confusion until you remember you left the kettle on and bolt for the exits muttering "no no,no,no,no,no oh no not again"
I've done this before and many supporting variations. It usually ends in a somewhat peaceful manner where they want me out of there. All the while I'm being really nice... just really confused about EVERYTHING.and sadly for them I'm really good at it...
I only do this when the rudeness calls for it as I'm not confrontational honestly the opposite. If an employee with whom is getting paid can act rude/nasty to a potential paying customer and in theory they're both strangers to one another & then you throw in the seeking help component!?!? yeah I'm gonna go ahead and be the nicest most confused and full of questions person you see that day....
Prize_Ad6430@reddit
Suffering and dieing because you're over fed and underworked is not a tragedy. Tired of fucking fat people pull your weight you pieces of shit 😁🖕
MercyfulFrigate@reddit
Customer service went to shit. What are you going to do? Shop somewhere else? Good luck, it's shit too.
bikingmpls@reddit
It will have real long term implications on entire industries
MercyfulFrigate@reddit
I think its going to accelerate the switch to no contact commerce. Apps and deliveries.
Which will not be good for anyone.
bikingmpls@reddit
It’s already happening. Look at restaurant industry.
MercyfulFrigate@reddit
True true. Gets annoying when you're waiting for your food and there's a steady procession of dashers getting served.
bikingmpls@reddit
One of the main reasons I liked going to restaurants was service. If it’s not there doesn’t make too much sense to go.
FluffySpell@reddit
I feel like it started to slide downhill as people spent more time on social media and they slowly morphed from a chronological feed of your friend's posts to an algorithmic based feed that just kept fueling people's rage about anything and everything (seriously no matter WHAT you post online SOMEONE will get pissed about it). Then the pandemic and 2020 happened and it just broke everyone.
WasabiAficianado@reddit
That was just the energy of the day, write it off.
crazycatlady331@reddit
I feel like people have gotten worse since the Covid lockdowns. It's like they forgot basic human interaction.
cheerful_cynic@reddit
I think covid microstrokes fucked everyone's brain a couple notches closer to dementia & the accumulated lead poisoning has finally started to express itself
kellybelly4815@reddit
Don’t forget about the microplastics! Cancer diagnoses are also on the rise (could be related to the lead and microplastics, but who knows? We’re defunding science!).
the__ghola__hayt@reddit
Can't have that pesky science get in the way of profits.
AstuteStoat@reddit
I worry legitimately about boomers in particular, because aparently for lead poisoning using the brain prevents the effects of aggression and intelligence loss. So, during covid, a lot of people stopped using as much of their social skills and boomers had a lot more opportunities during their lives to be exposed to lead. As an elder millennial I got some as a kid maybe, but not as much lifetime accumulation.
I really think we should be testing everyone's lead levels as a part of health screenings, just in case there's a secret lead source in someone's life. it feels like too serious of a thing to overlook even if the overall risks are lower now. So people could be tested once at 2, once as young adults, and once at around 50.
Prize_Ad6430@reddit
I'm about to get banned again but it's OK. Are you obese, people are tired, exhausted of dealing with obese people.
plantverdant@reddit (OP)
Not remotely. Why would someone else's body make you angry? I think you need some kind of help if that happens to you.
Prize_Ad6430@reddit
Yep you're fat🖕
Fresh-Gazelle7014@reddit
honestly i don’t think people suddenly got worse, i think everyone’s just more burned out and less interested in pretending anymore. like the social mask slipped a bit after the past few years
aliceinadreamyland@reddit
Everyone’s tolerance levels are at or below 0. We’re all tired out here, no one has the energy to fake anything anymore.
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
We weren't given time to grieve or process the pandemic. We were told get over it go back to work.
We're being pummeled daily by the current executive administration, I don't care if you're American this affects the world.
We have no time to decompress at home, constantly bombarded by someone wanting to take advantage of you somehow unless you don't use the Internet or smart TV. So you always have to be vigilant or at least feel that way.
And then, the only real time you get to rest, are you really getting the right amount of sleep?
As a humanity we're exhausted for a reason.
TinfoilTiaraTime@reddit
Bingo. It's systemic. There's something very wrong in the mine, and the canaries are reacting
Scarcity, sensationalism, using war to stimulate economic growth for whatever reason...it's like intentionally growing cancer. I stay home as much as possible, unplug, hold lifelines for people, and pray to the cannabis gods. I'm a lot kinder when my brain's alarm systems aren't blaring. It's aggressive as hell out there, people are pissed and hanging on by a thread, relying on stimulants to make it through. Does it give them a pass? No. But the cause and effect is just as you said, I think. It's practically an inevitability, a symptom, like fever
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
This is what happens when society focuses on money and theirs hardly human in humanity.
Tbf we saw what happened when the masses had time and money on their hands, they went to the streets to protest conditions.
That's why we're paid the bare minimum and healthcare, in the USA, is tied to employment.
Xx_SwordWords_xX@reddit
America is a corporation, and this is end-stage capitalism.
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
YUP.
I looked up the logic of destroying a nation for capitalism ie current 1% goals.
It's on purpose because, globalism....
I'm tired hoss.
Xx_SwordWords_xX@reddit
It's a culling.
HalfFrozenSpeedos@reddit
UK has gone down the USA religious right funded and driven hate fest hell hole route -- where everything from transphobia, racism, xenophobia and now govt sponsored harassment of disabled people is becoming commonplace (disabled people can exchange some or all of their mobility payment towards a lease on a car with or without adaptations, something that was non contentious for years.
However past couple of years the (right wing dominated) UK press have mounted repeated attacks on motability (who have been playing their own games against the disabled despite being created to support disabled people and their vehicles), end result is the chancellor of the exchequer (read treasury secretary) has stripped VAT exemption from motability leases and while denying any pressure has been exerted, motability have in response resorted to slashing mileage allowances in half multiplying by FIVE the excess per mile charge and last but not least mandating black box tracking and driving monitoring "black boxes" if any driver (Inc personal assistants etc) are under 30, with something like 4 "red scores" in a year will have the vehicle taken away, a red score being given for harsh braking (for example if a child/animal comes into your path), worse those with hand controls have been shouting about being amber and red flagged due to the way the controls respond.
This from a "charity" who were created to supply and maintain vehicles for disabled people, instead they were previously caught gouging disabled people for "damages", overcharging, sitting on vast sums of cash (I think it was hundreds of millions if not billions of £) - that point we still had consensus that mobility for disabled people was a good thing and motability were castigated over this. So apologies were issued and "changes" promised.
Well that lasted a few years, since then the "good condition on return" payments have been slashed in favour of a "first motability vehicle" payment, advance rental payments have soared drastically, various brands have been taken out of the scheme after the right wing media branded them "luxuryobscene wastes of TAXPAYERS MONEY" - The brands were apparently picked based on what the boomers and poor people they polled believed were "luxury" and "not suitable for disabled people", where disabled people were not consulted or given any input.
Now these black boxes and mileage allowance reductions make it clear that disabled people are having to justify their existence AGAIN and already the hard right "swivel eyed loons" at reform want to bring back the rolling fireball deathtraps known as "invacars" - mostly scrapped in 1990 (!!!) due to being HIGHLY polluting (2 stroke engines), slow as frozen treacle, frequently caught fire and killed many disabled people and didn't take account of any disabled person with kids or who needed someone to drive them.
To quote their pub bore/welfare "spokesperson" Lee Anderson - former labour and Conservative party politician and someone you would otherwise find on Facebook promoting some unworkable bigoted nonsense - "when I were a lad, if you wanted a car off the govt you got a little blue 3 wheeler, I say we go back to that "
For one they aren't FREE vehicles, they are leased and the mobility payments people would otherwise get to allow them to get to work/education etc instead get sent to motability before the disabled person gets their disability support payment. A lease no different to anyone else, the right wing media just want to shove disabled people back into locked and abusive "institutions" or cut off support and hope they just drop dead.
I smell the USA right wing desire to Make Eugenics Great Again by erasing disabled people from society.....
medievalkitty2@reddit
Hubby and I had a conversation about this today - everyone’s trying to take advantage and relationships have a tendency to be one way streets. (Family problems, rock and a hard place situation, long story). He feels that he’s obsessing over this. Then he mentions politics and off I go because I’m obsessing over that plus the family stuff.
He’s like, please stop raising my blood pressure, there’s nothing we can do about the government’s insanity.
But it’s everything all at once - I’m terrified for the future. Every problem is intractable and you feel so helpless.
Like you, I make an effort to be upbeat and pleasant. There’s too much negativity. Having a positive encounter with a salesperson or barista makes my day lately. I’ve run into people who have been prickly too and it does suck. In my recent experience, it’s usually been other shoppers.
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
I strongly believe in the social contract.
I truly enjoy the simple interactions of holding a door open for someone and they say thank you. I ride that high for an hour lol
You're right. It's not one thing, it's many things bombarding us.
And there's so many scammers trying to take advantage of you through a relationship. So you tend to be way more weary as well. That's nothing new it's just more broad scale.
I've found going to activities with "my people" helps a bunch. I tend to be on guard for the "little person". Is someone getting stepped on radar. When I'm at community meetings, others are like that too and for that time, oddly, I can relax. I don't have to be the only one vigilant and the weight is off my shoulders. I also see others who care and I don't feel so isolated in my feelings.
Huge hugs to you feel human. It's fucking crazy out there and sadly, most of it, is by design from the 1% powers that be.
Indubitalist@reddit
If anything we have someone leading our country who encourages selfish behavior. He’s leading by example, sort of doing a reverse-Mr. Rogers routine. We’re simply lacking in the kind of cultural leadership we need.
We just came off of a pandemic that basically required people to show how much or little they cared about their fellow man and we found out very quickly how many people simply didn’t care at all.
You add in the very real consequences of an economic system that’s intentionally wearing people down, requiring more of them while providing less in return, and people are going to naturally be less kind and gentle.
gdj11@reddit
I think you’re absolutely right. It became politically correct to be an asshole.
EternalMehFace@reddit
It's totally this. The pleasantries thing is gone. Now when I approach someone at a store I can immediately tell their vibe and mood and I don't bother. I just get to my point quickly and move on.
AlmiranteCrujido@reddit
I don't see the loss of anything but the most minimal of pleasantries as a bad thing. I WANT to get to my point quickly and move on. Then again, I'm originally from NYC where "mind your own business" got drilled into all of us from an early age.
A quick "thank you" never hurt anyone but it always was pro-forma anyway, and good riddance to the fake-friendliness smalltalk stuff.
There's a big difference between skipping minor pleasantries - especially in a commercial transaction - and being downright rude, or the kind of bad behavior in a lot of these examples.
MaddyKet@reddit
I agree. This is also how it is in Massachusetts. I particularly love the Starbucks app because I can order ahead, beeeze in, grab my drink and at THANK YOU! and then leave.
Entropy907@reddit
And due to many factors already mentioned, the general presumption that other people you encounter are acting in good faith is just … gone.
plantverdant@reddit (OP)
They're not this shitty to my husband or my son. When I'm out with my husband, he's noticed it if I try to deal with folks alone. He's starting to just handle stuff on his own.
Ok-Row3886@reddit
I second the hardware store issue. I went to one close to my place looking for steel wool, I asked the four kids working there who were TikToking and they gave me a look like I was intruding, they looked for the specific brand and nothing came up and said they didn't have anything. I said, it's steel wool, it's a hardware store, you gotta have some. They reluctantly called their 50+ year old colleague who said "sure we got some, just under our own brand name, let me get you there" and none of the kids even paid attention to her or took the opportunity to follow and learn. What happens when those kids get into jobs with peoples' lives at stake? The future is scary as fuck.
BLOOD__SISTER@reddit
It’s not you, service has gotten worse across the board. It’s especially noticeable w younger Gen Z kids who are actively miserable, make effort to hide it or make customers feel welcome.
SeahorseRevolution@reddit
I was pretty miserable when I was a server at age 20, but my customer service skills were still great, primarily bc I lived off tips and my parents taught me how to be polite. I think our generation was taught that politeness was a strength while Gen Z has not been taught that way. This is my old man yells at clouds take and I'll die on that mountain.
PhoneJazz@reddit
And of course I can’t make any commentary on that IRL because I’m a woman over 40 and that would make me a Karen.
thinkspeak_@reddit
My daughter is 9 and aspires to be a Karen someday
PhoneJazz@reddit
At this point it’s a bipartisan term for “outspoken woman whose opinion I don’t agree with”.
MIBJO@reddit
They have totally hijacked the word so even valid complaints are mocked.
Who cares if cashier yelled “leave me the fuck alone!” when you asked for help, stop being a Karen.
humble_cyrus@reddit
I'd say it started around 2015 or 2016. But when COVID hit, it became very nasty.
Eat_it_Stanley@reddit
I find when I was young and more attractive everyone was so nice. I didn’t realize it until I got older. And now I realize people may have just been nice because they found me attractive.
My husband always told me this was happening but I just thought everyone was mostly kind.
I didn’t get it.
Now I have beautiful daughters and I see how they are treated.
Younger people don’t like us.
SeahorseRevolution@reddit
As a woman once I passed 40 I became completely invisible. It's like night and day. People are SO rude now. I haven't changed the way I act, I just don't look 25 anymore.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit
Suddenly? In my experience everyones been jerks since the beginning of time
espressocycle@reddit
I was just thinking that. But then again I live in New Jersey. Maybe the rest of the world just caught up.
crazycatlady331@reddit
I lived in New Jersey until 2 years ago. (I have to ask the quintessential Jersey question-- what exit)
I don't think people in NJ were as big of assholes as everyone is now.
espressocycle@reddit
We don't really do "what exit" this far south but 3-4 depending on direction.
pnijj82@reddit
It's you not being able to put up with their bullshit bc your progesterone levels are dropping! The same over here! Watch out world the perimenopausal rage queens are out!
chypie2@reddit
internet leaked out and people haven't started getting punched in the face enough
StevieV61080@reddit
I'm a bit sensitive to this topic for a few reasons. First, I lead a baccalaureate program in applied management and I am very upfront with my students about my agenda: I want them to become better managers than what we've had in the past and that starts with service in all its forms. There are four resources to manage and some are less controllable than others; how you serve others, however, is generally always within your realm of influence.
Second, I don't know if it's just my disposition or this weird contrarian streak I've developed, but I have recently gone out of my way to be overtly kind and optimistic as a means of modeling behavior for others. I'm sick of the negativity and pessimism, so my thoughts are that if we want to break the cycle in others, we need to do the same with ourselves. A question that is less, "How are you doing?" and more, "What are you looking forward to?" is actually an effective way to get people to change their attitude and perspective in a hurry.
Our generation, probably above all others, should be good at this. Our formative years made the future aspirational, so being optimistic is a behavior we can/should model. We need less "being present" and more "excitement about what's ahead."
Even if you ask a cashier that question and the answer is, "I'm looking forward to getting out of here tonight," that allows you to smile and at least give an "I feel ya'" which at least forms a connection.
Fr4gd0ll@reddit
I really dig your vibe.
StevieV61080@reddit
Thanks! I was honestly afraid I was going to get downvoted into oblivion for being a bit of a Pollyanna and "making light" of the very real suffering of others.
I definitely have sympathy, but we also have a choice when it comes to how we respond to adversity.
Fr4gd0ll@reddit
Have you ever read the poem kindness? I think when we are suffering it's the greatest opportunity for kindness. Keep doing what you're doing.
Sufficient_Turn_9209@reddit
Keep fighting the good fight. I live by my mantra and I hope it's contagious.
Put your shopping cart up when you’re done. Smile when you pass someone. Offer help when it’s needed. And even when no one’s watching, just do the right thing, the good thing, the better thing.
StevieV61080@reddit
I have a few "Words to live by" when teaching my students that align with this:
Do what's right, not what's easy
Don't do things you know are wrong
Aspire to follow the Platinum Rule (Treat others as THEY wish to be treated)
HORStua@reddit
Do you people take you as arrogant from the way you talk to them?
HiHawaiiHigh@reddit
IDK, but the way I see kids speak to their parents now, or their behavior, I think, I would've been grounded/shamed for behaving THAT way. Nobody tells them it's wrong.
garden_g@reddit
People have been through enough, and everyone is tired of everyone else's center of the universe attitude
GeezusManForReal@reddit
Yup I just dealt with it too at the Courthouse the other day. I've been having trouble getting a lawyer to handle my dad's business (long story). They all think I'm the Messiah the second I mention "skull found." Had one lawyer straight up hang up on me. Heaviest shit you could ever imagine and ppl are like fuuuck you, sorry about your dead dad, pal. But anyways, back to Courthouse Cunt. I lean on ChatGPT for guidance cuz I gotta get my dad declared dead first (skull wasn't him) and it suggested just going into probate court and file for Petition for Declaration of Death. Already had his missing persons file since 1989 and case # etc. Should've been ezpz but no she was a total bitch and got me all riled up and I just stormed out of there. It's like we need a hard reset or something.
plantverdant@reddit (OP)
Good God, I'm so sorry about your dad. Mine is dead too and he was a really complicated guy but the not knowing has got to be rough. I'm so sorry. The least they could do is be kind. You were a little kid when he disappeared in 89? That's fucked up. I hope his ending was as gentle as possible.
GeezusManForReal@reddit
I was 11. It was Father's Day, 1989. I'll attach an article for you that was pretty well done except it doesn't mention the Vietnam Vet part. He was highly decorated. The VA did him dirty and they know it. They're covering up some things and I intend to put them over a barrel before it's all said and done. Thank you for the kind words my friend. https://www.todayinfortsmith.com/post/cold-case-files-man-who-went-missing-from-carroll-county-in-1989-vanished-without-a-trace-from-eure
plantverdant@reddit (OP)
Fuck. 11 is hard enough to navigate in calm circumstances.
bfume@reddit
During the dot com boom I remember thinking “wow people are so much nicer lately, this is pretty cool. Hooray for the rising tide that lifts all ships!”
And then after 2008 it’s been all downhill.
I’ve often wondered something like “this sucks but it can’t get much worse, right? Good times a-comin!”
And they haven’t. Not even close. It sucks.
Drilling4Oil@reddit
I mean, maybe we're not supposed to say this but, the millies just suuuuuuccckkk. They're just tiny boomers. The way they drive like total assholes, their dead eyes, their pushiness in public spaces. And they have no sense of joy or humor. They are identical to their parents circa 1989. I can't stand working with them.
pendejo-san@reddit
Yep, esp the younger millies, zillenials
chinchillaenchilada@reddit
No thanks.
Apprehensive_Hat8986@reddit
It's been downhill since Bush v Gore. Well... downhill faster. The inflection point was 1970. Southern Strategy, unpinning the dollar, sugar bribing the FDA. WW2 vets retiring so employers didn't have to negotiate with as many trained killers.
bikingmpls@reddit
Late 90s early 2000s was def a high point of society.
AstuteStoat@reddit
Yeah, stress spills over into everything else in your life. I got 30% less crazy when I finally found a doctor that listened to my health issues compassionately. I didn't have a diagnosis, I just knew the doctors were listening and would sincerely try. And then in the rest of my life I got less paranoid and more willing to try new things.
HalfFrozenSpeedos@reddit
Social media and right wing groups both religious and secular see this aggressive vulgarity as "resetting society to traditional values", "restoring free speech" (when all they are doing is spewing hate and then screaming blue murder about being the victim when they are called out on it, narcissistic in the extreme) or just "toughening up a society gone weak, wussy and woke"
And worse it's not just boomers at it either -- 2 of the worst offenders in the UK are Xennials -Kemi Bad Enoch and Suella Braverman (the latter demands free speech but then wanted to ban any protest she disagreed with as a hate march and have police beat and arrest anyone protesting anything from climate change to Israel's actions in Gaza, she also wanted to classify cannabis in the same bracket as Heroin.....amusingly her parents named her after sue Ellen from Dallas....which is even more bizarre given her parents are from Goa (now part of India)
BuffOrange@reddit
It's possible you experienced pretty girl privilege most of your life and are now realizing how mean the world can be to regular folk.
NoGoat3930@reddit
Everybody's broke and doesn't know how to make next months rent. They figure they'll be evicted soon, and don't realize they can just set their apartment ablaze and live in jail instead of on the street. If everybody did that, they wouldn't have enough rooms in jail, and rent might come down. Likewise, people are afraid of being drafted, but don't realize they can refuse to fight, and live in jail instead of dieing while killing innocents. Not to mention, if everyone does this, jails will be overcrowded Not recommending any of this, but it's just an option some are unaware of
yinchanvo@reddit
Been worse since COVID and the elections. Very poor quality replacements in the workforce. Also inflation/cost of living struggles. Other subreddits usually side with the younger retail workers over the "Karens" (i.e. any woman who asks a question or does anything besides buying and leaving quickly). But there is indeed a general fatigue with WW3 right around the corner and no government corruption accountability (no matter which party you root for).
pendejo-san@reddit
The zoomers are masters at this behavior.
It’s like they had a zoomer conference and decided how best to do nothing at all and be as entitled and self defensive as possible.
They’re like boomers, but they have no dreams
Aggravating-Try1222@reddit
Everyone is nice where I'm at.
MrDilbert@reddit
Nice, or polite?
Aggravating-Try1222@reddit
I don't overanalyze it. But I would say that being polite is a nice thing to do.
99hoglagoons@reddit
I was looking for positive comments and yours is the only one lol
I was just thinking about this topic and best thing about being in late 40s is that everyone is really polite to you. From work to any interactions in public. Even at the frigging airport. You are obviously old but not old old. Yet.
Or maybe I'm scary looking. I'll still take it.
Reasonable-Wave8093@reddit
i think its partly the over 40s women thing & partly rude/disinterested in society. I miss friendly store interactions
Unfair-Dance-4635@reddit
Yep. My daughter accidentally spilled a coffee in a store yesterday. I apologised profusely and told the staff member politely and waited by the spill until it was cleaned up, so no one would slip. The staff member was so rude and acted so pissed off. I could understand if I was rude about it. Honestly. Customer service is dead.
esmallass@reddit
Doordasher couldn’t find my house. And ONLY made an extra effort bc I was nice to her in our chat. She said “I’ll find you cos you’re being nice”. And she did! But got me thinking of the infinite deluge of aholes she deals with daily. Kindness costs nothing.
BlackestHerring@reddit
Yea the whole country is cracking up
dcgrey@reddit
I haven’t seen this fortunately. In terms of service contexts — restaurants, big hardware stores, and whatnot — I’ve seen a lot more employees struggling with lack of experience and seeming discomfort asking fellow employees for help. It says a lot about the new normal that, at a garden center this morning, I came away a little thrilled that two people knew exactly where to point me and a young employee proactively told their boss about an inventory issue before it presented a problem.
But I haven’t seen more jerks. The kids/teens I know are unfailingly polite, at least the ones comfortable talking to adults. I know adults who are pieces of work but they still act like they live in a society.
baltimoresports@reddit
I’ll be honest, I need to work on myself a bit and stop being so moody. State of the country right now is making me ill.
bananapanqueques@reddit
Is it you?
I'm finding people to be kinder since losing so many during Covid. Seattle (my home for 8 years) is not known to be friendly.
NW_Forester@reddit
Question for OP, were you hot when you were young? I ask because I haven't noticed any change of like retail staff the likes and I've been a lifelong C.H.U.D. I'm wondering if maybe you've been noticing a loss of pretty privilege?
plantverdant@reddit (OP)
Ha! I'm still hot, but yes my pretty privilege is slipping. What's a chud?
NW_Forester@reddit
C.H.U.D.
Acronym stands for Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller, but its generally more used to call someone ugly. Sewer Mutant would maybe a similar idea.
plantverdant@reddit (OP)
I'm sorry people made you feel ugly. They must be pretty ugly on the inside.
NW_Forester@reddit
That's sweet of you, I don't actually have low self esteem or anything, I find talking with women in/nearing their 40s about age/aging can be a bit of a landmine so if you come in self deprecating less likely to set off those mines.
ouijahead@reddit
I remember people being jerks in the 90’s. Maybe I’m just an easy target for people. I pretend to not notice. But I do. The way I do it shuts them down. I’m gonna try pretending to cry. See how that goes.
literanch@reddit
Customer service was in its death spiral for years and then covid finally put the final nail in the coffin. Customer service doesn’t really exist anymore. At least not like what we grew up with.
bikingmpls@reddit
Indeed. I think it will have real long term financial implications on those who suddenly decided that service and decency no longer matters. And that is unfortunately a large part of society.
TrustAffectionate966@reddit
I’m tired and overworked ☠️
plantverdant@reddit (OP)
I wish your job was easier, internet friend.
jayfornight@reddit
Conversely, I feel being polite and nice gets you absolutely nowhere these days with customer service. Once you start raising your voice it's when they start to take any action.
It's probably related to everyone acting like assholes. Customer service have to deal with it all the time head on. But I would think being courteous would lead to something. It used to. Now it just leads to them not taking your issues seriously.
MaddyKet@reddit
Sometimes true, but I will always start out nicely anyways before I get mad.
The one time I was super pissed was when I was talking to some random bank customer service person who couldn’t grasp that I didn’t HAVE a bank number because I was calling because someone had used my social security to open an account and I couldn’t come down because I didn’t even know what state they were in! I had to get pretty shirty and keep demanding a manager.
Who was super helpful and at least acted surprised I had trouble with their CS. Whatever, problem solved.
jayfornight@reddit
Oh definitely. Im not at the point where I gave up on being civil and courteous. I still think it's the best policy. But it's getting less effective as the days go on and I consistently find myself getting problems resolved almost immediately after I start making a huff about it. I'm sure this has affected my patience and tolerance level, which I know only negatively impacts myself.
plantverdant@reddit (OP)
Hmm. I'm psychologically incapable of raising my voice or losing my shit on a stranger. But I wonder if they're taking out frustration on me like that because I'm not aggressive.
phantomtaxman@reddit
Suddenly? No. Just shameless about everything now.
therobotscott@reddit
No, it's not sudden. Societal expectations have eroded and shifted. The display of bad attitudes and a lack of civility started in earnest in the 60s and the decline has gotten steeper ever since. Not only has discourse gotten worse, but it's generally been defended, even cheered on.
People get angry at the slightest perceived offense that they lose all dignity just to cut down that other person. That one guy was offended by you needing help so he decided to cut you down, which is completely wrong. I'm not perfect, but I try not to belittle ignorance. At one point we all were ignorant of everything.
But the real point I want to get at is that many, if not most, people today don't have true compassion, empathy, or patience anymore, just instinctual feelings. To everyone reading this: learn and practice compassion, empathy, and patience.
FatReverend@reddit
People are jerks more often to my wife these days. So I think it's definitely a gender thing to a certain degree. I'm a little bit of an intimidating man and as soon as someone starts having to deal with me instead of her, they change their tune right away.
plantverdant@reddit (OP)
This is exactly my experience.
travelingslo@reddit
Thanks for posting. I was at the grocery store yesterday and people were being insane. In this case, it was mostly boomers being weird. I couldn’t figure out if it was me over reacting or if it was somehow them. Like, who flips a U in a parking lot just to pull through two spaces, so you’re facing the wrong way and actively stealing another person’s intended space? It happened twice! And the people IN the store were wacky too. I’m glad it’s not just me scratching their heads. Lots of good suggestions here for why, but it does make me sad it’s happening.
Unhappy_Performer538@reddit
It is sometimes gendered and it’s nice to have that validated, so thank you.
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
Please please please do as my guy friend does. He will step in let them begin to be nicer to him and then say, "I think you meant to answer her. She had the question."
If you're given the power, use it to shine on the person they took it away from
FatReverend@reddit
I've actually done that quite a few times. I'll be like, "She's taken the lead on this issue so best to finish the conversation with her."
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
Yes! Love this 😊
Nightstands@reddit
We have a code for this at my work. If one of my coworkers needs a second opinion, they’ll ask for a second opinion. If they are dealing with someone that doesn’t listen to women, they ask for ‘a second set of eyes on this’. I’ll come over and say exactly whatever they just said, and the client will usually nod and proceed with the design. It’s weird, but happens often enough for us to have a work around.
Jimmy_83_Don@reddit
Yeah, it’s unfortunate and no excuse really, but we’re seeing the results of an anxious, stressed out society
gypster85@reddit
Anxious, stressed out, UNDERPAID society, where it's nearly impossible for anyone except the ultrarich to get ahead. America is on fire and people subconsciously know it.
Dizzy_Round_7942@reddit
No. People aren’t getting ruder, people have always been rude to women over 40. But as the newly middle-aged, it’s just our first time experiencing it.
Ynot2_day@reddit
I was at a store yesterday and noticed a child about 5 with a plastic produce bag fully over their head, no parent in sight. I asked two ladies if that was their kid and some other women a few isles ahead said “that’s my kid”. I said “they have a plastic bag over their head” and she snidely said “I know how to watch my own kid.” Geez, so sorry for not wanting to watch your kid asphyxiate themselves where you couldn’t even see them.
MaddyKet@reddit
“Watch him die you mean?”
You are nicer than me
Mobile-Boss-8566@reddit
Some people have trouble putting on a smile for an extended period of time. A lot of employers don’t push customer service as much as they should. Plus the employees are feeling overworked and underpaid for today’s economy. However if they don’t like it then they should quit and find a job that suits them better.
plantverdant@reddit (OP)
I don't care if they smile, it's the being actually mean I'm commenting on.
exagon1@reddit
I work in the service industry and can confirm people are worse now. Post pandemic there’s no more decorum, patience, or kindness. Main characters everywhere that are rude. It has made me hate people and wish I was doing something different but kind of stuck so I’ll stick it out until retirement.
Mewpasaurus@reddit
My experience is that they've been jerks for a really long time. Less self-aware, more selfish, etc. It's not new. Been this way for several years, honestly.
There are theories for why this is, but my bet is that it's not one thing and more a nuanced, interconnected web of things that has led us here.
MrDilbert@reddit
Been this way forever.
It's just that before, the jerks would get swiftly reprimanded, social pressure wouldn't let them be jerks openly. Before, you might get smiles and niceness, and then when they think you're out of earshot, you'd hear them spout acidic remarks and/or curses.
Nowadays, the people having authority over the jerks don't bother/care/have will or energy, and the jerks aren't being punished for their behaviour.
Due_Knowledge7966@reddit
Or maybe you've been treated extra nicely your whole life and now when you're 40+ you're starting to get the normal treatment?
Express-Budget6943@reddit
They always were jerks. They just don't care about hiding it anymore.
plac3b0guy@reddit
This right here.. Coworkers would ask why I’m anti social.. I just tell them it’s not my fault people suck
MaddyKet@reddit
“Dude I was plenty social before 2016. So suck it.”
therealpopkiller@reddit
We spend so much time sequestered from others that we forget how to treat people. I think it’s particularly endemic in Gen Z and younger who have really only known to terminally online. I both hope and panic that the internet will go away one day
Weak_Radish966@reddit
We’re living through some heinous times in America. The fact that more people aren’t jerks is a miracle at this point. It’s tooth and nail out here.
dabeeman@reddit
this doesn’t seem real
LikelyLioar@reddit
I think it's related to stress over the current political situation (assuming you're in the US). I've noticed people driving more aggressively and being quicker to attach each other online. We're all just stressed out right now.
azel128@reddit
Honestly, yes. In my experience pretty much every big-box hardware store employee is crusty as hell because their job sucks and they’re working in a masculine echo-chamber. Smaller shops are usually a lot more helpful.
Quato815@reddit
What does a woman have to do with how rude someone is?
prettyminotaur@reddit
misogyny is real
Quato815@reddit
Always a victim in every single situation??? Ha, ok!
Quato815@reddit
So is misandry. What’s the point? Where was OP victimized for being a woman here.
WatchStoredInAss@reddit
Look how people drive
crazycatlady331@reddit
I've all but eliminated most trips post Covid. (I'm lucky I can walk to a grocery store). Driving is like Mad Max these days.
Drilling4Oil@reddit
Yeah, maybe I'm just finally getting old but gyattdern people are driving totally recklessly. 100MPH on the interstate in bumper to bumper traffic. If something goes wrong you're dead.
s6cedar@reddit
I’m going to sound like I’m preaching but I’m a firm believer in this:
If you feel like a lot of people are being rude to you, the first thing you should do is take a step back and really evaluate how you are approaching people and speaking to them. Did you smile? Did you say hello, or did you just tell them what you want? Did you treat them like a person or like someone who owes you a service because you’re spending money. I like to greet the people I encounter as if I already know them. That is the feeling I want to create, so that ideally I’m leaving every person I meet in a better mood then before they met me. I don’t always succeed at this, of course, but it’s always my goal.
I’m not saying there aren’t lots of rude people out there, but I personally do not experience many people being rude to me. I am very conscious of how I begin an interaction with anyone that I encounter, and I tend to get a lot back because of it.
There is a saying out there that goes something like this: if you meet one asshole during the day, they’re an asshole. If you meet five assholes during the day, you’re the asshole. I didn’t open with that because I don’t want you to think I’m calling you an asshole. I just like the saying because it makes me think about how I am considering the people around me.
That being said, some people are just rude.
Actual_Appearance246@reddit
A lot of it is because older women were labeled as Karen’s during the pandemic and so society has a preconceived notion against women or older women in general. It doesn’t seem like men have to deal with it as often.
Actual_Appearance246@reddit
Thank you for the award 🙏! I appreciate you❤️!
thisbroadreadsbooks@reddit
Self absorption via social media has led to a massive increase in entitlement. Bad behaviors being lauded and made into trends has increased apathy toward that behavior and even rewards it.
I’ve been taking care of disabled people most of my life. Starting with my grandma when I was in middle school. People called to check in on her, stopped by to see her, bring meals for the family. When we would go out and myself or my grandpa would be pushing her in her wheelchair, there was almost always someone willing to hold the door for us.
Now I take care of my husband with MS and my autistic son. When we go out my husband uses a wheelchair(a walker inside on good days) and I push him. I have had people look us dead in the eyes and just let the door swing shut in our faces. I’ve had a group of servers in a restaurant stand there and watch as I struggled to open the door to go in and push my husbands chair in at the same time.
People rush in front of us forcing us to stop, or they’re just standing in the middle of a walkway or isle completely oblivious to the world around them then act annoyed that you exist when you say excuse me to move by them.
I see parents dropping their high schoolers off every day, driving through the school drop off like maniacs, flipping off other parents as they go.
Nearly every day on my commute I see some form of road rage going on. People chasing others, driving recklessly, and overly aggressively.
I hate to feel this way, like the whole world is running off some negative energy that’s making a shit ton of people act like entitled pricks and lunatics. But that’s what it feels like to me.
digitalgraffiti-ca@reddit
I can't say I've experienced that
LAUR420allwayz@reddit
Mom always said, "Misery loves company!
brittanytobiason@reddit
Those in menial positions these days can be so unbelievable. The front desk at a motel held my credit card, like pretending I forgot it and when asked to give directions to the room I'd just paid for but couldn't find, she said "It's in the back." People are trying to be fired...and can't.
somedamndevil@reddit
If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.
Not sure if it applies here.
ValancyNeverReadsit@reddit
There’s some thoughts around respectability politics going on right now too. A lot of conservatives (and less conservative folks) think everyone has to be polite 100% of the time to be taken seriously, both at the political level and the personal. I live in the southeastern US and still hear people, for example, complain about Black teenagers being loud in the parking lot of the apartment complex where they live. Why do kids have to be whisper-quiet outdoors in what equates to their own driveway? White kids don’t have to do the same…
This is not a great analogy, but think about… if I’m bleeding to death and I shout “help!” someone might come along and tell me people only have to help me if I say “please help me, I am having some trouble over here” - so in reaction (once I live through the situation, of course), I might decide I don’t have to be nice to anyone anymore unless I want to.
Drilling4Oil@reddit
People are definitely suckier. I wish I could say that it's economics or politics or something but I think we're on some grand civilizational decline and people are just going to keep getting shittier and shittier. Total degeneracy and degradation.
click-monster@reddit
The number of people who expect me to step around them on the sidewalk now is unreal. E.g. pairs who refuse to budge over, or a singleton not shifting an inch and expecting me to step into the gutter. I'm a guy and it's even women. Like do you really want me to cover my nuts and fully bodycheck you? I'm getting closer to becoming that guy from the Verve music video every day now.
JeffTS@reddit
Since Covid, people have become terrible to one another. Social media hasn’t helped as people now think they can treat others however they want without consequences.
Prestigious_Egg_6207@reddit
They say if you keep encountering assholes, the real asshole is probably you.
Possible-Tangelo9344@reddit
Two things I think.
Social media, people are generally more anonymous-ish and are assholes online.
And Covid. People really became assholes after Covid it seems. Customer service fucking sucks everywhere now.
spider1178@reddit
Nothing will destroy your faith in humanity like working with the public. I did it for a long time. Before, during, and after the pandemic. People have always been horrible, abusive, thieving, rude, assholes. The nice ones are the exception, not the rule. Getting out retail was the best thing I ever did.
po_ta_toes_80@reddit
Covid broke the world.
Defiant_Emu_3928@reddit
I feel like customer service in general is just non existent these days whether it's in person, through email or over the phone. Companies just do not care and therefore neither do their employees.
7201kls@reddit
Yes! I have literally been saying this to my family the last year or so. Everyone seems to be in a bad mood. No one smiles. People are dicks. I don’t know WTF is going on but it sucks.
HalfFrozenSpeedos@reddit
No it's just their underlying nature shining through due to social and other media, along with public figures "normalising" it
ConcreteKeys@reddit
These people are getting systematically financially abused and you want them to smile and be pleasant so you can have a nice day.
drawredraw@reddit
The Karen memes have gone to their head. All of the sudden customer service people are becoming what they hate the most. They also get paid less in terms of inflation than we did in our twenties so they just dgaf.
GaracaiusCanadensis@reddit
I think... I think there's a chance that your choices are impacting the choices that others make in your presence. I don't want to be offensive, but if you meet one asshole in a day, then you just met one asshole, but if everyone you meet in a day is an asshole, then maybe.... you get me?
I don't see any elaboration on how the barista was rude, just that you thought they were... that's not good enough. Your intention on helping your friend may not have been apparent, and the way in which you choose to act or speak will have a response by them. If you're being assertive on behalf of a friend who needs help, but no one knows that, then the culpability is on you.
The same holds true for your experience with the hardware store employee has a similar lack of context and description. You thought he was being aggressive, he might not have been intending that. Do you know? Or just feel? This is the inverse of the barista situation. Proper social interaction is a combination of implication and inference interspersed by attempts at clarity. You need to be aware of all three of those things.
radarthreat@reddit
Are people ruder, or are you more sensitive?
saltnshadow@reddit
I think we've all become a bit jaded and nihilistic.
Guelph35@reddit
You may not want to hear this but the young adults of today were raised by Gen X and in some cases us
S7482@reddit
Yes, I live in a city and have noticed this as a growing trend. I think there are too many variables to isolate any single thing as being responsible but, speaking for myself, the descent into Christofascism is pretty stressful, and the cost-of-living crisis being created by this (and war, and, greed, and etc.) is creating a real sense of desperation for people. I would imagine that this is even worse for retail positions and other low-wage jobs.
JusticeFrankMurphy@reddit
No, I have not noticed any such thing. If anything, in my experience, people seem nicer now than they were in the 90's.
Ok-Criticism6874@reddit
You're just being overly sensitive and a Karen. You come off very entitled
MIBJO@reddit
You’re letting these Gen Z punk you ?
You gotta match their energy. I start off as nice but as soon as they give me that stare and attitude I mirror them right back. I’ll son them too. Through in a “thanks kiddo” or a “you probably wouldn’t understand” here and there.
My tone will change from polite to stern if they act of line and mistake polite for weakness. I don’t become rude but just very direct. Give back what they give you.
Adbam@reddit
You described 2 low paying jobs, maybe thier life is tough right now.
Mediocre-Cobbler5744@reddit
People don't get paid enough to be polite and do two jobs because their employers won't hire enough help.
jazzcafeforeleven19@reddit
Time for all of us to walk away from the internet.
LibertyCash@reddit
I worked retail in the younger years as well and don’t ever remember a “dreaded older woman” thing. I think maybe don’t take it personally and remember while the world’s on fire people have less bandwidth for niceties. Life is wild out there right now.
cbih@reddit
Half the people today act like the worst people from SomethingAwful +20 years ago
Threetimes3@reddit
I went to two different social settings the last couple days and had very pleasant experiences with people working in both locations. YMMV
LuxyontheMoon@reddit
This happens when we women turn 40, unfortunately. I read and heard about it before and as I approached 40 I experienced it and that's the way people are now . It's an adjustment. People were so nice when I was young and full of hope.
Venomous87@reddit
Corporate is beating on the managers who take it out on the employees who take it out on the customers, who take it out in the company and we start the cycle over.
Ltimbo@reddit
Most people who work in retail or service industries are under 30 and were not properly socialized as kids. Too many rules and regulations made socializing naturally impossible. Riding bikes and making up your own rules that the group agreed to turned into play dates and following rules that others set for you.
Yikes0nBikez@reddit
It's a self-perpetuating cycle. Customers are jerks, so associates are jerks. It's just life.
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
But this customer,.OP wasn't a jerk.
BasicReputations@reddit
Maybe, maybe not. We heard one version.
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
So you think people are polite and the social contract is being upheld just fin
BasicReputations@reddit
In this situation? No clue.
I do know if you listen to two people independently describe the same interaction you often see two very different interpretations.
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
No, more that you're making a broader assumption so I'm asking you about that broader assumption.
Yikes0nBikez@reddit
Fair. Employees are just pre-disposed to assume.
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
Then it's time to get out of customer service. I've been there I've been that person, it's terrible for everyone involved.
whereisbeezy@reddit
Yes. But I also don't know anyone who isn't struggling right now. If it's not rent, it's the soul-killing job just to have crappy insurance.
Or the overpriced food. Or filling the car with gas, or forking over too much money for shrinking streaming services, or not getting hired, or anything remotely linked to having an existence which doesn't suck.
absentlyric@reddit
Everyone is pushed to their max, especially in lower-tier jobs. My girlfriend is a cashier at a grocery store, and the amount of rude customers and quotas (Yes they have to push things to sell at the checkout) and low pay with no breaks hardly have turned her into a different person at work, she does not have the motivation to put on a fake smile and be cheery when there's no benefit.
Now imagine most people at jobs like that, and you got your modern day society.
Red_Car_Singer@reddit
I've never been particularly fond of "people" because they've always been this way. However "person" is usually relatable for the short amount of time for the interaction. Personally, I just try to continue to be kind as you never know what any one person is dealing with in their life.
metalyger@reddit
At least in the 90s, it was more confined to The Jerk Store.
siiilenttbob@reddit
They called btw. Turns out they're not running out at all.
Zargoza1@reddit
this is us now
sljxuoxada@reddit
Young people have zero ability to make intelligent conversation with anyone who exists outside of their echo chamber. People aren't allowed to have differing opinions, play devil's advocate, or engage in heated debate. Everything is instantly offensive to them.